Wow... Thought Knighty, looking up at the sudden rainfall with an unamused frown. Could this be any more cliche?
No, our jinx taunting main character, it definitely could not. This series of unfortunate events began early in the morning with Knighty's teapot, which he accidentally dropped and broke because he is stupid.
But if having to buy an overpriced cup of tea from a vendor wasn't enough, when he got to work that morning - at Poultronic© Industries, bringing you better e-products for less! - he had realized then, and only then, that he had forgotten to check the time. He had gotten to work eight hours late, which resulted in him being fired by Wlah, head of the pony resources department at that stupid coTHE BEST WORK ENVIRONMENT IN EQUESTRIA, ALL HAIL THE HYPNOPOULTRON!
You see reader, Knighty actually outranked Wlah in Poultronic© Industries, but since this is a cheap story, I can do what I want. Now, where was I?
Right right. Knighty, all depressed and etc, was walking home from his generic worst day ever when it started to rain like in a bad romance movie. Since I guess I should do some character building, he looks remarkably like Sweetie Belle in every fashion except he wears hipster glasses. That is subject to change along with Knighty's avatar, but since I'm not updating this, you'll have to deal with it when the time comes.
The hipster Sweetie Belle doppelganger, not paying attention to his surroundings, suddenly slammed into a large bamboo door. He fell over in a comedically exaggerated fashion, even though no one actually falls over when they hit a door walking slower than a snail on acid.
While on the ground, Knighty decided to think about his life so far. Yes, this portion only exists because I only had seven hundred words and you need one thousand so I came back and wrote it. Later in the story I'll talk about not knowing how many I have, ignore that part. I know now.
He had never really cared for Poultronic© Industries to begin with. It only kept him down from pursuing his real goals, like a mario kart rip off video game that he would never finish. Wlah never really fired me, he concluded. I quit.
In a sense, you could argue he quit subliminally by getting to work eight hours late despite how that's not reasonably possible, but whatever, I'm off topic. There wasn't much Knighty cared for in this world except tea, corn, and pigeons. Though he had his eye on one pink mare-looking stallion, that was another story entirely. Just kidding. It's this one.
It was just as the thought came to mind, a wild brick appeared out of nowhere and hit our mane character - Get it, mane? Because horses. - square in the face, snapping him out of his poorly improvised reverie.
Knighty shook his head like a wet dog for story serving purposes and got back up onto his feet. When he took in his surroundings, he realized that he had actually arrived back at his own jungle hut. Sort of like Zecora's, but it's painted rainbow because as mentioned in the title, he's gay.
The unicorn cautiously opened the door, despite the fact that it's his own house and no one would do that in a realistic situation. He walked in slowly and turned the lights on, only to see...
"Well hello there," said a Pinkie Pie look-a-like in a sultry voice. But this wasn't just any Pinkie Pie look-a-like. It was Poultron. In a pigeon costume. Spread eagle on Knighty's futon couch.
Knighty gulped, more than a few beads of sweat trickling down his forehead.
"Poul, I didn't expect you to be home so early..." He said, backing up to the bamboo walls in fear of his imminent sexual doom. But, sadly, this only served to excite the feather covered Poultron.
"I heard you had a bad day," he said, now somehow standing right in front of Knighty. I guess he inherited Pinkie's ability to warp the laws of physics, I don't know just pay attention to the story. "So I came to make it better. I know you like pigeons."
"You did all of this... For me?" Knighty asked like an idiot, there was absolutely no one else in the house and he was the only pony in Equestria with a pigeon fetish. Who else would it be anyways? Did he not read the title? God sakes.
By the way, if you hadn't caught on, Poultron was the guy I was talking about. You know, when Knighty started having all these 'deep' thoughts? And then he got hit by a brick? Yeah, you were there. Well I said how he had his eye on a mare looking pink stallion, that would be Poultron. Just clarifying, they're both guys. Like, how gay, right?
"I would do anything for you, or... To you, for that matter." He replied, slowly closing the gap between their muzzles...
-~{>L<}~-
"Now kiss!" shouted soundslikeponies, slamming the Pinkie Pie doll against the Sweetie Belle doll, making sound effects all the while.
Now, since all of you know we totally sleep together, this is where I walk in on SLP as he's doing all of this freaky meta shit. Mostly because it wouldn't be nearly as funny if I didn't, and because I'm writing this on wordpad so I have no idea how close I am to the one thousand word minimum. Better safe than sorry, am I right?
"What are you...?" I asked, unable to complete my sentence and currently not knowing if it is correct grammar to put a question mark after an ellipses.
SLP turned to me blushing, attempting to hide the dolls under his desk. "Oh! LUC! I didn't see you there, I was just-"
"Yeah, what you were doing right there, I just wanted to say..." I began suspensefully, now noticing how much I've overused ellipses in this story now that I mentioned it a couple lines ago.
"That was really hot."
