The Totally Not Normal Adventures of Slurpee, the World's Most Typical Earth Pony

by Lord Iron Skull

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 985

Slurpee, a typical resident of Ponyville, has had a lot of strange adventures. This is a record of a few of them.

Hello everyone!! This is a record of the completely random adventures of Slurpee, the perfectly ordinary earth pony who somehow manages to get himself caught up in the most insane adventures. What will happen? Who knows? If a good story manages to appear here, I'll be surprised. Written to get over a severe case of writer's block.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-19 20:11:30 UTC

Let's Meet Slurpee

Slurpee is the most typical pony to ever walk the land. He runs the Ponyville Ice Cream shop and is very good at it.  The best item on the menu was the Slurpee, which Slurpee invented himself. For a long time, nothing really happened in Slurpee's life. Then something happened that turned everything upside down.

"Hello Slurpee!!!" Pinkie Pie said, bouncing in place inside the Ponyville Ice Cream Shop. Although you might think that Sugarcube Corner and Slurpee's shop would be enemies, the reality was that Sugarcube Corner was content to let Slurpee dominate the ice cream market while they made the cones. During the brief time the Sugarcube Corner did make ice cream, well, let's say that Ponyville's Strategic Gelato Reserve exists for a reason. A while after the Great Gelato Incident, Slurpee went into the ice cream business and Ponyville was never the same again.

"Hello Pinkie!" Slurpee said, smiling at the hyper pink pony. She was one of his biggest customers, unsurprisingly.

"I need twelve litres of Double-Duch Chocolate Surprise and thirty litres of the Best Chocolate Fudge Supreme, pronto!!" Pinkie declared, performing a summersault in place.

"Would you like that in a cone or a tub?" Slurpee asked, writing down the order with a smile.

"Tub obviously!! Why would I want it in a cone?!? That would be absurd!!"

"Says the pony who once consumed two litres of Chocolate Frosted Chip in one bite."

"Well, yeah, I did go a bit overboard there, but I made sure to eat all my brussel sprouts afterwards!!"

"Pinkie, you don't eat brussel sprouts."

"Well, I made sure to eat them anyways!!!"

Deciding to stop arguing with Pinkie, as it always gave him a headache after too long, Slurpee changed topics. "Why do you need all this ice cream anyways? I thought Applejack was handling catering for the Summer Sun Celebration this year."

"Well, she is, but I need it for a party that just can't wait until after the Celebration because there's a new pony in town and she's a really new purple unicorn with a silly dragon who's here to check up on the preparations for the Celebration and she has no friends and so she needs a party to help her get friends and-"

"I think I get the picture, Pinkie." Slurpee interrupted. "You want to throw a Welcome to Ponyville party and you need a lot of ice cream for it."

"Yepperoni!!!" Pinkie chirped.

"That'll be 123.45 bits." Slurpee said. "When is the party?"

"Around 5:00. Gottagobye!!" And with that, Pinkie deposited a 123.45 bit coupon for Sugarcube Corner on the counter and zipped off with the ice cream.

At five o'clock exactly, Slurpee closed the Ponyville Ice Cream Shop and wandered through town, looking for signs of a party. With Pinkie, you could always tell where a party was when it had started, as there would be balloons everywhere and the music would be at full volume. With all that in mind, Slurpee was still surprised when he arrived in front of the Golden Oaks Library, one of the very few places in Ponyville that Pinkie had never thrown a party in. Until now apparently. The library had taken the brunt of Pinkie's wrath surprisingly well. There were no streamers on the outside and surprisingly few balloons. The only signs that a Pinkie Pie Party™ was going on there was the music playing inside and the multicoloured lights shining out the windows.

Bracing himself for the confectionary horrors that awaited himself within, Slurpee opened the door and was instantly yanked in by a pair of pink hooves. Finding himself in the middle of the party, Slurpee saw that over half of Ponyville had packed themselves into the hollowed out tree with room for tables bearing refreshments including his ice cream, which he was pleased to see was already half gone.

"Hello Slurpee!! Glad to see you could make it!!" Pinkie happily said.

"Have I ever missed one of your parties in all the years I've been here, Pinkie?" Slurpee asked. It was a rhetorical question, nopony had ever missed a Pinkie Pie Party™ ever since the mare in question had arrived in Ponyville.

"Let's see..." Pinkie Pie said, flipping through a notebook that had appeared out of nowhere. "Nope!! You haven't missed a single one!!!!" She declared.

"That's good to hear. I think you need more ice cream though, you're almost out."

"Why do you say that?? We have plenty!!"

"But the tubs are-" Slurpee looked at the ice cream tubs and saw that they were full. "What?? But... Never mind. I don't even want to know."

"Never fear, Slurpee!! Our ice cream won't run out anytime soon!! And when it does, the party will be over and the battle won, although the war still rages on!!"

"And what war would that be?"

"The war on boredom, silly! It is a long and hard fight, but I shall win it eventually!! Until then, keep making ice cream so that I may keep my parties stocked with cold, sugary deliciousness!!!" Pinkie dramatically declared.

"Sounds like fun. Until you win, I presume that I'm going to get a lot of business from you?"

"Of course!! Now, I need to go and lure in more ponies to aid me in the war!! Now, you have fun, you understand??"

"Ma'am yes ma'am, Pinkie Pie!!" Slurpee said, saluting Pinkie.

"Good!! Pinkie Pie, away!!!!" Pinkie rocketed away from Slurpee at a million miles an hour, leaving a cloud of pink dust in her wake.

"There is nothing that can ruin this day." Slurpee said to himself, nodding and smiling. Little did he know that fate has a way of twisting our words in very weird ways, and that his life was about to be turned on its head. Metaphorically speaking, of course. The literal application of that phrase would come later.