Discord Pataki

by taterforlife

Rating: everyone
Tags: Fluttershy, Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Rainbow Dash, Other, Romance, Spike, Comedy
Length: 6156

A crackfic where Discord is the Helga Pataki of Ponyville.

A stupid crackfic parody where Discord is the Helga Pataki of Ponyville.

And yes, he does have a golden locket.

Published 2015-11-19 16:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-19 16:10:03 UTC

Criminy!

Ah, Ponyville. So quaint. So neighborly. So peaceful…The perfect place for friendly, happy ponies of all types to make friends and enjoy their lives.

Stomp, stomp, stomp.

It was a town that always thrived, with the kind of neighborhood that could entice any city-goer to move out and make a home in the countryside.

Stomp, stomp, stomp.

It was also the home of a small yellow Pegasus named Fluttershy, an animal lover well-known for her kind and shy personality. She was a happy resident of Ponyville, with plenty of friends. It was often hard to find a pony that disliked her.

“Move it, birdbrain!”

Emphasis on the word pony.

“Eep!” shouted Fluttershy, as a rough paw pushed on her withers and forced her aside.

Rainbow Dash, always by her best buddy’s side, scowled. “Hey! Watch where you’re going, Discord! Can’t you find some other way to the freakshow you belong in?”

The creature in front of her was indeed not a pony, though some could argue that his head was like that of a pony’s. Most just needed to squint their eyes to see it. But the rest of him was nothing but a mix-and-match bag of different animals. He had the arms of a lion and an eagle claw, the legs of a goat and a lizard, a dragon tail, and a horn and antler atop his head. He was classified as a Draconequus...

He sneered at Rainbow. “Well, I was, but they told me I couldn’t come back until I retrieved their number one clown. And it seems I have! Shall we go then, Dashie?”

... As well as a royal pain in the booty.

Rainbow bared her teeth, ready to pummel him to the ground when Fluttershy stopped her. “I-It’s all right, Rainbow,” Fluttershy assured her, dusting her withers off with a hoof after regaining her composure. Her smile somehow made its way back onto her sweet little face as she did so. “It’s no big deal.”

“Pffft, as if anything concerning you could ever be a big deal,” said Discord, turning to her with a nasty smirk. “I mean, look at you. Teeny tiny little wings, stupid little butterflies on your flank, preaching the value of kindness with every little annoying hoofstep you take! Tccch!”

Fluttershy just took it and blinked while Rainbow scowled. She looked like she was about to charge again when Fluttershy put a hoof up to block her. With a single shake of her head, Rainbow did not move. She just merely sighed.

“He’s such a jerk,” Rainbow muttered.

Having already moved on and ahead of the path, Discord’s ear twitched at her utterance, his sharp hearing once again coming in handy. Making sure nopony was looking at him, he ducked into a small alley between a flower shop and a café.

He poked his head out ever so slightly, leaning against the wall. His golden-crimson eyes focused on the two mares he just passed, his irises locked on target.

“That may be so, Dashie, but it’s best to just ignore him,” Fluttershy said. “It only makes him worse when you encourage it.”

“But he’s so annoying! And he picks on you the most!” Rainbow countered, poking her friend in the chest. “Doesn’t that annoy you? You’re so sensitive, but for some reason, he never seems to get to you!”

“Well…” She looked to the side. “He.... Well, yes, he annoys me... A lot, actually... More than anypony I’ve ever met, really…”

Discord winced. Ouch. But then again, wasn’t it what he deserved?

“So you do get it! Ha!” Rainbow unfolded her wings and flew up, circling Fluttershy happily. “Element of Kindness or not, I knew it! I think that’s the first time I’ve finally heard you say it! Discord annoys you, and you don’t like him!”

They started moving forward, with Rainbow hovering beside her and Fluttershy taking delicate steps closer to the alley. Discord slinked behind a trash can to keep himself out of sight. He heard them as they passed.

“I’m not... a fan of him, no…” Fluttershy said. “But…”

“But what?!?”

“... He’s not all bad. He just wants to have fun. I wish he’d treat me better, but... he’s no real harm.”

“Fluttershy! Are you kidding me?!? Do you remember the time when we all tried playing baseball, and he was the pitcher, and he kept using his magic to...”

The athletic mare’s voice slowly faded away as they turned the corner, and Discord was free from hiding.

He growled as he replayed the entire conversation in his head. “That Fluttershy. What a dope. What a loser! A simple-minded little wallflower! How I hate her.”

But then his hideous glower began to fade. He stretched his long neck out to take a better look around him. Nopony else was close enough to notice him, much less hear him.

Fluttershy’s words replayed in his head as he checked the streets quickly.

... He’s not all bad. He just wants to have fun.

A long-winded sigh left his lips as they curved into a wavy, dreamy smile, his irises big and shiny as he did so.

“And yet…”

His talons reached for his chest, and a pocket somehow appeared there as a fold of his own skin. He reached his hand inside and pulled it back out, with a large golden heart in his palm. On the face of the locket, a picture of a yellow, pink-haired Pegasus mare smiled up at him.

“...How I love her!” he swooned, holding the locket close to his heart. “So amicable, so tender-hearted! Always putting your best hoof forward, determined to see the shining spirit in every living creature, even the very one that hides his deepest passions from you, by treating you as if you were the scum of the earth he treads on! But alas, my cherubic little quadruped…”

He rubbed a lion thumb across her picture, making a sharp squeaking sound across the metal.

“That couldn’t be farther from the truth that haunts me, day and night! For you are the sun of my universe, and I revolve around you, desperately hoping that someday, someday, your ray of incandescent light will shine down on my piteous form in the warmest of embraces…”

He held the locket against his cheek, imagining it as her warm hoof instead of the cool metal it truly was.

“For I, Discord, Lord and Master of Chaos and Disharmony, adore and cherish you! I love you, Fluttershy! I love you! Always and forever! I am yours! I love you…”

He was rubbing the locket with his cheek, his face warm as his blood was overflooding with endorphins…

Ehhhhhhh uooooooof... Ehhhhhh uoooooof ... Ehhhh uooofffff ...

Normally, one would scream at the sound of such creepy heavy breathing. But unfortunately, for Discord, this was a usual occurrence with him. At one point in time, it had been incredibly amusing for him--he had been impressed by how the stallion was always able to somehow be wherever Discord was during his heartfelt laments.

But now it was part of the everyday routine, and therefore... annoying.

He didn’t even have to look to see that the trash can he had hidden behind was actually a jar of jelly, with a strange gray stallion with yellow forelocks inside of it, covered in grapey jelly goodness.

Ba-donk! Discord socked the pony right in the kisser. The stalker, after dealing with the sweet, sweet blow, sunk inside of his jelly, smiling despite his pain.

Discord rolled his eyes as he tucked the locket back into his skin pouch--which magically disappeared as he finished--and walked out.

After a few steps, the sky turned gray, and it started sprinkling rain. With a snap of his fingers, Discord conjured up a lovely purple-pink umbrella, grateful that he now had the power to do so. For it hadn’t always been that way…

His mind wandered off to an earlier time... The day he met his beloved Pegasus….

He was so much smaller then... A freak amongst children. But ah, who cared? He liked who he was, and if no one else did, then that was their loss. He didn’t need anyone, he didn’t need affection or attention!

“Now let Iron Will show you his REAL power! Waaaaa-huuuuh!” A grunt bellowed from the living room, and little Discord peered in.

“Ohhhh Willow, your strength is like, so inspiring... Your aura is so bright with beauty….” his mom cooed, reaching for her oldest son’s head and bringing it down so she could nuzzle it. He happily complied.

“Yes, our Iron Will here really has what it takes to bring this family pride,” his father said, putting a proud hoof on the minotaur’s shoulder. “I couldn’t have asked for a better son. Just look at him! He’s able to pick up over three-hundred pounds without breaking a sweat. He’ll be able to take over Lord Sombra’s Crystal Emporium easily. And let’s not forgot all those sporting trophies!” Sombra bragged, pointing to a shelf overwhelmed with golden cups of triumph, all with Discord’s big brother’s name on them.

Sickening.

With a bookbag and a lunchbox in hand, Discord called over to them. “I’m going to school now!”

“Lift another one, son!” Sombra said.

“Oooh, yes, show us more of that aura, Willow,” Tree Hugger said. “It’s so... phantasmagorical…”

“You got it!” Iron Will happily replied.

Discord thought he’d try again. “I SAID, I’m going to school now!”

“Hmm?” his father grunted, looking over to see Discord. “Oh, yes, of course, Will. Have a good day.” He gave a limp wave with a single hoof, putting his eyes back on his oldest son.

Discord grunted. “My name is Discord, Dad. Discord. You know, your youngest son?”

“Mm-hmm, great,” Sombra nodded.

“Peace out, home skillet…” was Tree Hugger’s goodbye.

The little Draconequus only let out a defeated breath of air, making his way out the door. “I’m going to school now!” he tried one more time.

Nopony cared.

A few minutes later, it started pouring rain. It was too late to go back and get an umbrella; he didn’t have enough time. He didn’t want to be late on his first day of school!

He had special magical powers that no one else had; most ponies blamed his unique appearance and chaotic gift due to Tree Hugger’s constant drinking of ‘smoothies’ during her pregnancy with him. She had done the same with Iron Will, but the oldest still did not look as unique as his little brother did, and had no magic whatsoever.

But Discord still needed practice with it, and still struggled conjuring things up. As he walked in the unforgiving storm, he tried magicking himself up an umbrella. He got close--a golf club, a dishwash rack, a tent... but to no avail. The umbrella alluded him.

The walk to school was long, and he was soaked to the bone by the time he had gotten to the schoolhouse, a small, red clapboard building on top of a hill. A cart whizzed by him as he made his way to the door, splashing mud all over him and making his ears sag.

He was about to sigh once more, before he heard the sound of plastic flapping against the wind, and noticed that he was no longer being pelted by the harsh, unforgiving, cold drops of rain. He looked to his left…

And there she was.

“H-Here... Take mine…” she whispered, giving him a small smile despite her nervousness, a small blush on her face.

He did, wrapping his fingers around the handle of the little green umbrella, but stared at her, wondering why in the world she was doing this for him.

“... I like your beard,” she whispered.

His sensitive ears twitched. “Huh?”

“Your beard…” she said again. “I like it, because it’s white and fluffy.” She gave him another smile before walking through the door. “Your eyebrows, too.”

He gawked at her as she went inside. A compliment. She had given him a compliment. Him! And about his beard, no less! Eyebrows too! Most ponies thought it was the one of weirdest things about him, seconded only by his mismatched body parts. But a kid with a pure white beard? Unheard of!

He had considered maybe shaving it off…

His heart thumped as he watched the buttermilk pony through the door. Even in all the rain, she seemed to glow, as if sunshine reflected off of her. Her eyes had been so bright and turquoise, like oceans... Her hair, rosy and smelling of springtime…

He sighed, stroking his tiny little beard with a smile…

And now, that said beard was much, much longer... and whiter and fluffier than ever.

He had dwelled in his memories for so long that by the time he’d finished with that part of memory lane, the sun had cleared and the rain stopped. He snapped the umbrella away.

“Oh, hey, Discord!”

A lazy smile overtook his face as he glanced down on the small purple dragon ahead of him. “Hey there, Spikey,” Discord greeted, patting the dragon in greeting. “Hey, l need you to go ahead and book a slot at the spa today. I need my claws and fang polished, and I don’t want Rarity hogging all the good times before I can get in.”

Always with a pencil and notepad in claw, Spike nodded. “Booking!”

“Ooh, and get me one of those,” Discord said, pointing over to a stand selling apple-related products, with Applejack selling baked goods. “I could conjure ones up myself, but the ones from Apple Acres are always so much better.”

“Getting!” Spike said, giving him a salute and running over to the stall to grab one. He gave a smile and walked away. Spike could give it to him later.

He was on the lookout for any place to cause chaos, when a yellow pony in the crowd caught his attention at the corner of his eye.

“Wow, Toe-Tapper…” Fluttershy said in her sweet, melodic voice. “You did such a wonderful job singing in the Ponytones just now. I wish I could sing as well as you…”

A growl rumbled in Discord’s throat. Oh, great...It’s him.

Now Toe-Tapper was a pony he really did despise. Fluttershy had a little crush on him, and it drove Discord crazy.

“So the buffoon can sing, who cares? I don’t see what the big deal is! Just because he has a nice voice, and has a nice shade of blue for a coat, and an aesthetically pleasing cutie mark of eighth notes made into a star... Just because he’s nicer to Fluttershy than most stallions... That’s no reason to go all gaga over him! I’m so much better…!”

“Better than who?” Spike said behind him. Discord looked over, seeing Spike holding up a plate of pie for him.

Discord grabbed it and started shoving it in his mouth. “You know who,” he scoffed, crumbs getting all over his face and showering all over Spike. The young dragon had to step out of the way to keep himself and his newly-bought gem crumb-free.

“Oh, you mean…” He nodded towards Tapper and Fluttershy. He was the only one who knew of Discord’s... infatuation.

Another grunt, and Discord had polished off his plate, sucking on his fingers. “Yeah. Pfft. Look at her, swooning at Toe Boy over there. What a chump. He’s so boring looking too! Only one color, with different shades. How dull is that? And he doesn't even have toes! We have toes!" He wiggled his reptilian ones for emphasis.

“Yeah, well…” Spike popped the delicious gem in his mouth, sighing at the taste. “I’m pretty sure Fluttershy doesn't mind that.”

“Yeah, well, whatever.” Discord waved it off. “I don’t care.”

But Spike knew better. He only smiled as he watched his friend walk off and do his thing of finding some sort of trash can or something to hide behind.

“Outta my way, cheeseburger pony!” he barked at Big Mac. “Move it, airhead!” He pushed Pinkie Pie to the side.

After making a path for himself, Discord kept an eye on Fluttershy and Tapper, scowling at the way they looked so good together.

“Well, I’m really happy that you could come today to hear me sing. The Ponyville Music Palooza is a pretty big deal, and with me being a Ponytone, I don’t always have much of a chance to sing on my own,” Tapper said, beaming at Fluttershy with teeth so white that Discord thought his eyes would fry from overexposure.

“How can she look at him without going blind?” he muttered, rubbing his eyes with his fists. “It wouldn’t surprise me if his teeth were even real! Probably paid some fancy schmancy dentist to make him a special pair of dentures. Ha!” he barked in a single laugh, causing some ponies to pause and look for the source of the sound. He scooched behind the can a little more to hide himself.

Fluttershy shook her head. “Oh, it was really nothing. I wanted to come! I just, um…” Blushing, she tilted her head slightly, hiding slightly behind her mane. “I love to hear you sing…”

With a stupid grin still on his face, Toe-Tapper put a hoof on her withers. “But you sing pretty well, too! After all, you are the newest member of the Ponytones.” He gasped. “Hey! In fact, why don’t you sing something?”

Discord cackled at this. Shows how much HE knows! She’s far too shy to ever do such a bold thing all by herself. I should know; I have to hide in the trees by the forest whenever I want to hear her sing. Her animals are the only ones she’s comfortable enough performing for unless her friends are around. Ooh, she’s really going to feel uncomfortable now! Maybe enough to finally realize what an utter moron he is and leave him in the dust. He rubbed his palms together in anticipation of her reaction.

“O-Oh, I could never…” She retreated more behind her curtain of silken tresses, making Discord pump his fist in triumph. Yes! No one knew his lovely little bird horse more than he did! And now Toe-Tapper was going to pay for his ignorance.

Toe-Tapper gave her a sympathetic smile, and put a hoof under her chin, forcing her to look up at him. “Of course you could,” he soothed. “After all, your friends are here; I’m here. And we all know you have a beautiful voice. I’d even go as far to say you sound like an angel…”

Her face grew so red she resembled a tomato, and Discord felt like he was going to lose the slice of pie he just ate. What a cliché line...He couldn’t get any more disgusting. He’s the typical, boring, normal prettyboy. He stuck out his tongue. “Yech…!”

“I... I ...I …”

Toe-Tapper then brought his face closer, and Discord thought his heart was going to stop. Surely he wasn’t going to…?

He put his muzzle against hers. “Come on, Fluttershy. Please? I promise, they’ll love you.”

It took all of Discord’s willpower not to turn the stallion into a pansy and grind him into the street. They already love her, you pompous little twit!

“Um…”

Come on Fluttershy! Turn him down! Flip that gorgeous hair of yours over your withers, show him your back, and forget about him! You’re too good for that waste of talent, anywho!

“It’s just that…” Tapper started, rubbing the back of his head, a small blush on his own face as he looked away bashfully. “I... I’ve always wanted to hear you sing on your own... without us in the background... When we practice for the Ponytones, I’m always so focused on my own singing that I never get to sit back and listen to you...” He gave a slight laugh. “P-Pathetic, huh? I’m so desperate to hear you sing that I’m pressuring you to perform when you’re not ready. I’m sorry.” He dipped his head down in shame.

Discord squinted his eyes, peering over the lid of the trash can. “Wait a moment...I’ve a feeling that he’s not telling us something…”

But Fluttershy did not seem to notice anything. “Oh, no, not at all!” she assured him, putting her own hoof on his withers. “You’re not pathetic, you’re just trying to support me and be a good friend! And I’m... I’m honored that you want me to sing so badly…”

She looked up as a lovely gray mare finished performing on her cello, with everypony stomping their hooves in applause for her. With an elegant bow, she collected her things and left the stage before the mayor of Ponyville took the microphone.

“Thank you Octavia. Your performance was as enchanting as always. Now, we’ve got time for one extra performance! Would anypony like to make their way up to the stage?”

Fluttershy’s forehead wrinkled as she nodded to herself, looking determined, and raised her hoof.

“Um... I’ll... I’ll do it…”

Discord joined in on the collected gasp. She...She’s going to do it...She’s actually going to do it…

He shook his head. No, wait, no... She’ll wimp out of it, I’m sure of it. It’s Fluttershy, for crying out loud! But to think that she likes that bozo enough to…

He looked as Fluttershy made her way up to the stage. He could tell even from a distance just how afraid she was. She was trembling.

But she made it to the microphone, gently taking it from the mayor before whispering the name of a song in her ear so Vinyl Scratch could prepare the background music.

And Discord sighed, putting a hand over his heart. The queen of my heart has such a brave soul...

And as much as he wanted to turn Toe-Tapper’s hooves into wheels, he had to admit... He was extremely excited to hear Fluttershy’s voice.

Soft music began to play, and Fluttershy shook even harder, turning away from the microphone so no one could hear her gulp. Discord watched as she looked over to her friends, all of which gave her encouraging smiles. She then glanced at Toe-Tapper, who gave her a wink.

She blushed, and took a deep breath.

She began to sing.

And Discord swooned at the sound of her sweet voice as she did so. Oh, Fluttershy, he thought, as he literally started to melt into a puddle right on the pavement. Your song is as alluring as a siren’s, yet sweeter than any seraph’s…

He felt as if he were in heaven. He snapped his body back into a solid form and leaned against the trash can, looking to the side to watch as Fluttershy closed her eyes and allowed herself to get lost in the music.

She’s more beautiful than the song she sings… He then paused and opened his eyes in inspiration. Oooh, that’s a good one, actually. I should write that down!

He was about to conjure up a notepad and quill when he heard some soft laughing, and he turned around...

...Only to see Toe-Tapper and some of his friends laughing in a circle. The Ponytone member was trying so hard to hold back his laughter that he had a hoof over his mouth.

“Pfffft…! What’d I tell ya, guys? She sings like a novice!” he said, loud enough for them all to hear but not enough to interrupt the performance. He took a drink of water from a bottle once he was able to stop chuckling.

“Yeah, you were totally right!” the stallion next to him said. “Did you hear her stutter on the first set of lyrics? I can’t believe you actually convinced her to go up there and humiliate herself!”

“What can I say?” Tapper replied, looking smug as he held himself up high. “She’s got it so bad for me, she’d eat out of the trash can if I told her to!” he said, pointing to the very one that Discord hid behind.

Discord’s mouth began to stretch wider, his lips pulling back to show his vicious canines as he listened.

“Well, at least she’s kinda cute, right?” another stallion said. “I mean, sure, she’s a total wallflower, and the lamest pony outta all the Elements of Harmony, but she’s not ugly or anything. So it’s not a total loss.”

“Hmmm, true, I might reward her with a kiss or two, just to keep her motivated,” Tapper replied, crushing the now empty water bottle between his hooves. He turned towards the trash can to throw it away. “And maybe, if she’s extra good, I’ll even take her back to my place for one night and I’ll--”

He ran into something warm and furry, and he shook his head before backing up a step. “Hey, why don’t you watch where you’re--?!?”

He then stopped to get a good look at whoever he bumped against, only to realize he had to look up in order to see a face.

A face with eyes that glowed a vicious yellow and a threatening shade of red as they glared down at him, sending a terrified shiver down the pony’s back.

He gave a gasp, his friends echoing him from behind as they slowly began to back away. Toe-Tapper, however, was frozen in place by Discord’s hateful stare.

Discord, his arms crossed and standing tall, sneered at him. “Tell me…” he murmured in a low, dangerous tone. “What was it you were saying? Please, I’m very interested.” He raised a talon to stroke his chin.

“I, um, uh…” Toe-Tapper said, looking behind him for support, only to see that his friends had disappeared. “I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

Discord then smiled, though it was the farthest thing from a friendly one. “Oh, yes you do, I’m sure of it! It was what you were telling your loyal, trustworthy friends--the ones that, for some mysterious reason, are no longer here for you? How odd~.”

Showing him a shaky smile, he gave a fake laugh. “Ha... Haha, yeah, w-weird…”

“But I feel like you were saying something about how you tricked Fluttershy into performing, and using her affections for you as a way to get her to do what you want? My my, how devious of you. And you seemed to imply…”

He took another step forward, closer to the frozen pony. “...That you were going to use that tactic to get even more out of her…? Maybe take her to your place? I do believe that’s what you started to say, but you never finished. Tell me, Toe-Tapper…”

He growled his rival’s name as he bent his neck down to bring his penetrating glare closer for the stallion’s viewing pleasure.

“... What was it that you were going to do with her, hmm? Show her a good time and then... break her heart, perhaps?”

He then pulled his lips back again, his fang and canines glinting harshly in the sun as Fluttershy finished the last chorus of the song.

“Because if that’s true, buddy, then I suggest you run. Because even I’m not that cruel, much as the public may like to believe. And stallions like you…”

He growled. “... tend to make me go a little chaotic.”

Toe-Tapper was so terrified that he didn’t even notice the eruption of applause from the crowd as Fluttershy finished.

But Discord did, and he didn’t want her to start looking for him once she got off stage. He bent his neck down lower until his lips were right by Toe-Tapper’s ears.

“What are you waiting for then, Toe Fungus? Run.”

And this time, Toe-Tapper took his advice. He turned around and ran so fast that the crowd couldn’t tell who it was when they noticed what was happening.

Discord watched until the tiny blue dot in the distance vanished from sight, and smiled in satisfaction as he dusted himself off.

I knew he was nothing but a scumbag. Ooh, I love it when I’m right!

“T-Toe-Tapper?”

Discord’s eyes opened and he looked over to the crowd, seeing that Fluttershy had already left the stage, often stopped by other ponies to compliment her on her beautiful singing. She made sure to sincerely thank each and every one of her fans, before making her way around, looking for the jerk who had fooled her.

He looked at her sadly.

... Or perhaps I don’t... Not this time.

“Um, has anypony seen Toe-Tapper?” She found Rarity applying some sunscreen on Rainbow Dash’s nose.

“Oh darling, you were magnificent!” Rarity complimented, putting the bottle away. “You’re an absolute star, Fluttershy!”

“Yeah!” Rainbow agreed, giving Fluttershy a slight punch with a hoof, a spot of white goop across the bridge of her muzzle. “I mean, I always knew you had it in ya, but still! You got chops, and a great voice to boot!”

Fluttershy rubbed her hoof on her opposite foreleg. “Oh, thank you. That’s so sweet. But, you know, it was actually Toe-Tapper that convinced me to do it... So I was looking for him so I could thank him…”

Rarity merely raised a knowing brow while Rainbow chuckled. “Thank him, huh? Haha, yeeeeaah, I’m sure you wanna thank him, all right.”

Rarity swatted at her. “Rainbow!”

“What!?”

Rarity just sighed before looking back at a slightly confused and innocent Fluttershy. “We haven’t seen him since the beginning of your performance, darling. Our eyes were all on you after that.”

Fluttershy gave them a slight frown. “Oh, okay. I’m going to keep looking then.”

She continued to search the crowd, calling out for him, until the crowd began to thin and ponies began walking home. Her friends tried to convince her to leave with them, afraid that her search was all for naught, but didn’t have the nerve to tell her. She politely turned down the offer.

“I-I’m sure he’s here, and I’ve got to thank him. I don’t want to seem ungrateful…”

The stage was getting taken down and the sun was setting, with only a few stragglers left, before Fluttershy finally sat down by the trash can, her ears laid gently against her skull as she stared at the ground sullenly.

“He must have hated my singing so much that he went home...”

“Moping around as usual, birdbrain?”

“Eep!” She startled as she looked at the Draconequus sitting down on his haunches beside her. “D-Discord! You scared me!”

He began to laugh. “Ha, I know, it was hilarious! And to think, everypony thought you were being so brave back there. But you’re nothing but a wimp!”

Fluttershy gave a slightly angry huff, her cheeks puffed out adorably, before she deflated and sighed. “I guess you’re right. Besides, my singing was all for nothing, anyway...”

Her eyes started getting shiny with tears, and Discord frowned.

Fluttershy’s head popped up in slight surprise as she felt a soft paw on her withers.

“It wasn’t all for nothing, Fluttershy... You…” He glanced away for a moment before looking back at her.

“You sang well today.”

Her eyes widened. “Did you just... give me a compliment?”

He then took his arm back and crossed his arms, standing up. “Well, of course I did. What, do you think that just because I’m a powerful chaos-user, means I can’t ever say something nice? Criminy! I’m just trying to cheer you up here! Sheesh.”

She blinked in confusion, but was quick to put a hoof on his arm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you, Discord, I just... I thought…”

He tried not to lose his balance as his arms burned from her soft touch. He scoffed at her, hoping she didn’t notice that his legs were slightly wobbly. “Thought what? That I’m just a big, nasty bully that steals candy from foals?”

“No! I just thought…” She looked away. “I thought you didn’t like me…”

“I... I don’t!” he protested, looking away from her. “I don’t like you! You’re a silly little yellow bird horse that does nothing but sing to birds and hug bunnies all day. You’re pathetic! It’s not like I’m looking to be your best friend or anything!”

She frowned. “Oh... Okay.”

And instantly his heart felt like it had torn in two. “But…” His eyes softened, and he even dared to give her a pat on the head. She was surprised at this, but did nothing to stop it. It felt... nice.

“...I don’t hate you. You’re... okay. For a pathetic little pony, that is. And you really do sing well. " He put his paw on her shoulder again. "I meant that.”

And he watched as her frown transformed into a slight smile, a little blush on her own face as she looked up at him.

“...Thank you, Discord. That means a lot.”

“Yeah, well, like I said…” He shoved his hands into pockets of his coat that normally didn’t exist, turning his back to her and rocking on his heels a bit. “I’m not completely horrible. I can be pleasant from time to time…”

And then he whipped around and stuck a finger in her muzzle. “But if you tell anypony, I’ll turn that little boardinghouse of yours upside down and dip it in fudge for the elves to snack on! You got that?”

But even Fluttershy knew that this time, it was only a cover-up. She raised a brow at him, even smirking at him.

He couldn’t help but find it extremely attractive.

“I understand,” she replied.

“Good!” He took a talon away, before rubbing the back of his neck.

“So... Are you heading home now?”

“I probably should. I’m sure Granny Smith is almost done making dinner, and it’s getting late…”

Discord’s throat felt tight, but he played it casual as he looked at her in what he hoped was a nonchalant look.

“Shall I walk you home, then?”

Once again, Fluttershy was stunned, but tried her best to hide it, smiling at him instead.

“I’d like that.”

And Discord’s heart was practically dancing in joy as he nodded. “Let’s go then, birdbrain.” He began to walk towards the direction of the boardinghouse where she lived, acutely aware of the lovely pony walking by his side.

“Okay, Discord.”

“But no singing. I can only take so much of your stupid little pony friendship songs before I feel like banging my head against the wall.”

She laughed, a laugh so beautiful that it was a kind of music that Discord didn’t mind. “Okay, Discord. Oh, and if it’s all right, I just wanted to say…”

They locked gazes for a moment as Fluttershy gave him another sweet smile that nearly made his heart explode.

“I’m glad you kept your beard.”

Author's Note

There comes a time in every writer's life where they write something completely and utterly stupid and silly, but take it seriously anyway.

This was one of those times for me.

I had half of this thing written out for a coupla months now. Then I got to the second half and realized I had no plot.

And if you're wondering, yes, I DID research for this. As in, I got on youtube and watched Hey Arnold! episodes to help.

Soooo he's not EXACTLY like Helga, but I botched his character a little bit just to make him a bit more like her. Hence the term 'crackfic'. But I left some of his traits in there still. And besides, they are actually...really really similar...

My favorite part? Making up Discord's family. Goodness, THAT part is so ridiculous. And while I normally hate to stereotype Treehugger as a drug addict, she was the best fit for Miriam. And I picked Sombra simply because I wanted two ponies with not-pony sons. Because Treehugger drank a lot of 'smoothies'. Eeyup. :eeyup: So yes, I married off Treehugger and Sombra. I call the ship 'Treebra'. *thinks of a tree with a bra on* *slaps self in the face*

And the only reason I used Toe-Tapper is because first off, his personality is unknown enough to mess with him. But the more important one is...I really just didn't want to use any popular ships with Fluttershy. I dunno. I always feel kinda bad when I do even though there's nothing wrong with it and it's all in good fun.

And yes, you can assume here that in this story, Fluttershy and Discord are the same age...Though Discord still looks exactly the same in my mind. I just REALLY wanted to use the Helga's backstory for this, and she met Arnold at Urban Tots preschool, so...yeah.

Hope you liked this silly little thing. I worked on it forever and I don't know why I took it so seriously. It was really just me goofing off and being nostalgic. Gosh, I miss the days where Nickelodeon actually had more than just Spongebob Squarepants and not a bunch of live-action crap...