Author's Note

Welcome to my story! Please, enjoy yourself, look around, have a seat. Not that seat! That one's still rather sticky. Now, before we begin I'm sure you are asking yourself one question. And that question is "Why?". And why indeed. Is the author some sort of creepy pervert? Does he get his kicks from cartoon ponies unabatedly mashing their parts together? Simply put, No! I lost a bet. I lost a bet and had to write this so here we are. So without further ado, let us begin the adventure! Do try not to touch anything, these ponies were tested beforehand but you really never know when it comes to these things.

Twilight Begins to Ruin Everything

Twilight closed her eyes and concentrated. This spell would require all of her attention to work, even the slightest distraction could make things go unbelievably wrong. Still, even with the potential danger Twilight was quite pleased with herself. The spell was a work of genius that she was certain would earn her praise from her once teacher and close friend, Princess Celestia. Her brilliant idea came to her while she was dealing with Moondancer's friendship problem not too long ago. The concept was simple, if Twilight could enter a book to easier learn the information stored there, what would happen if she could make the book enter the real world? Just think about all the knowledge that could be shared! Surely everypony in Equestria could benefit from an amazing ability such as this! There was no way this could go wrong. But of course Twilight couldn't think about her impending success at this time, she needed to focus on the small book in front of her. "The History of Ponyville, Vol. 1.". When the spell activates Twilight would be able to experience the creation of Ponyville in person! The glow of her horn swelled and sweat dripped down her face as she grew with anticipation. She was close, just a few more seconds.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
On-"HIYA TWILIGHT!"
There was a phenomenal crash as the castle doors blew open and a familiar pink pony flopped into the room with remarkable speed.
"HeyTwilightIwasjustintheneighbourhoodandbyneighbourhoodImeanabouthalfthetownoverandIthoughtI'dcheckuponyouand-"
Pinkie's usual rapid fire speech slowly trailed off as she realized Twilight wasn't paying attention to her. She didn't blame her though, the pretty light bouncing around the room was very captivating. Though Twilight was captivated for a wholly different reason. Pinkie's remarkable entrance had caught her off guard, and in her surprise she had fired the spell at the castles unfortunately reflective walls. Twilight could only stare as the spell bounded down a hallway in the direction of the one place she hoped it would never reach.

Twilight dashed through the winding hallways of her castle following the glowing trail of her spell. There was only one thing on her mind, playing itself over and over in a feverish loop.
"Please don't be that room Please don't be that room Please don't be that room"
She watched helplessly as the spell flew through an open door she was praying to be closed. It was that room. Twilight burst into her room, her eyes frantically looking for the spell.
"Please don't be that book Please don't be that book Please don't be that book"
She flung her pillow off her bed and looked down in terror at the now glowing book once hidden there. It was that book. Pinkie had closely followed Twilight and could now see the distress she was in. She couldn't understand it herself but she assumed from the way Twilight was completely ignoring her attempts to find out what was wrong at the moment, it was fairly bad. She had never seen Twilight like this before, and decided she would need help to calm her down. Speeding off she thought she had seen Rainbow Dash somewhere close by. Yeah, she was exactly what Pinkie needed. She shouted at Twilights back while racing out of the castle.
"Don't worry Twilight! I'll find Rainbow and then we'll help you with any problem you could have!"

Meanwhile Twilight suffered in silence. Out of all the books in her room the spell had to have hit, it hit the one book Twilight would never have wanted it to. It was her diary. Or, as more personally known to her, The Book of Extreme Shipping. That's right, not just regular shipping. That stuff was full of love and hugs and occasional kissing. That was kid stuff, things a lonely teenager would write. But much like Twilight, her..."tastes" had grown. And while she had her fair share of diaries full of vanilla shipping, this one was much, much more. It was the kind of shipping one would write early in the morning after a late night of cider drinking, after all their censors and tiny voices saying no were long since bludgeoned into silence. The kind of shipping you wouldn't want to bring to home to mom. The sexy kind. The sexy and also involving most of your friends kind. And then it hit Twilight. Everything the spell was about to make happen was literally the worst thing that could happen ever. But she also knew how the spell worked. And she knew her sexy shipping. She could stop it. She just had to keep everypony who would be affected away from each other until she could fix this. And she would fix this. She had to.

Twilight burst from the castle, ready to stop the worst from happening. And then it hit her. Not an idea or anything like that, but the sight of half the town currently engaging in rather obscene and blush inducing acts with the other half. And then it hit her. Not an idea, or the sight of the town working its way to an R rating, but a penis. An actual penis. Just right on her face. Twilight was stunned.
"Did you just...?"
"Eeyup".
Twilight raised her eyes to meet Big Mac's. He was standing on his hind legs and supporting himself against the castle stairs banister. He began to wiggle his eyebrows seductively. Twilight was in disbelief. She opened her mouth to give Big Mac the biggest piece of her mind she could, and possibly blast him into dust if she felt like it.
"Oh Big Mac, are we really going to do this here? If we do we'll get...caught! Oh forget it! Take me Big Mac! Take me now!"
Twilight was baffled as she proceeded to drop onto her back and spread her legs. She didn't want to say any of those things! But as Big Mac prepared himself for entry she came to a horrible realization. "The Book of Extreme Shipping, Chapter 37: Big Mac Gives Twilight His Biggest Mac". Twilight had written this. It was after a pleasant lunch Twilight had taken with Big Mac. She couldn't believe what was happening. Everything from the dick in the face to the words coming out of her mouth were what Twilight had written. But hey, the spell had worked. Twilight started to make note of this, but was forced to leave it as Big Mac buried himself up to the hilt in Twilight. She cried out in a mix of horror, pain, and mostly ecstasy. After his initial plunge Big Mac didn't slow down, if anything he sped up. He quickly pumped his hot rod into Twilights love tunnel as her mind blanked and became fuzzy with pleasure. Twilights tongue rolled out of her mouth in what Big Mac took as an invitation to stick his in. Twilight accepted this and proceeded to wildly slap her and Big Macs tongues together while making very wet and disturbing noises. If Twilight could still form a coherent thought in the fuzzy blindness of love she was currently wrapped in, it would probably be about how she really doesn't know how kissing works. Instead, because of said fuzziness, her thoughts were more along the lines of "Bluuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh". Eventually, after what felt like an eternity Big Mac finally started to halt his advance. Big Mac pulled out of Twilight with a loud pop, and Twilight finally began to think straight again. However, she soon found that instead of calling a retreat, Big Mac had ordered a full invasion from all his forces. The result was much like puncturing an air tight canister of milk. Twilight blinked in amazement. Big Mac was a big stallion, but she had no idea he had this much in him. She watched from her back as he trotted away whistling happily. Eventually Twilight managed to regain her composure and stumble back towards her castle, determined to solve this problem. But not before a couple of pegasus ponies flew by (literally connected at the hip, if you get my meaning) and passingly addressed her as Princess Celestia. Twilight decided to take a shower first.

Laughter filled the castle. Twilight couldn't believe herself, she thought this would be hard but the answer was so obvious! She needed her friends, because together they could solve any problem! She took to the skies to avoid any potential shipping waiting to happen and began to scan the ground for any signs of her friends. She had seen Pinkie earlier, but she had raced off to get something. What was it again? Oh yeah, it was Rainbow Dash. Twilight froze in mid flight. "The Book of Extreme Shipping, Chapter 23: Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash Come to Town". Twilight cursed those two's inherent sexual tension as she sped even faster in search of them. Searching the ground she finally saw a hint of Rainbow colour in a field. Twilight was ecstatic and started to fly towards it until it suddenly turned pink. Then Rainbow again, then pink, then Rainbow, then pink. Twilight cautiously flew closer trying to figure out exactly what was going on. It was definitely Rainbow and Pinkie, but what were they doing? It looked like they were wrestling? Twilight thought back to her story, and it all flooded in while Twilight felt her stomach jump into her throat. The picture cleared itself and she saw unabated for the first time Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie locked in each other's embrace, their heads between each other's thighs in a scissor lock that would impress even the best professional wrestlers. And at the same time they were both licking each other so furiously that one might assume they were in a race to get to the centre of a lollipop. Twilight could only watch as a sound akin to two wet lawnmowers fitted with rubber blades being smacked against each other penetrated her deeper than Big Mac. Once this flood of metaphors, like Big Mac, finished having their way with Twilight she managed to pull herself together enough to address the two currently rolling around in front of her.
"You two have to stop this at once! There is a horrible spell causing you to do this! You aren't in the right mind! You need to break free!"
Twilight was again met with the lawnmower sound, but this time it seemed to have a more "leave us alone" vibe to it. But Twilight wasn't going to take that, she continued to pontificate as they continued to make crop circles in the grass. However, just as Twilight was running out of breath the two loosened their grip on each other. Both starting to remove their front hooves from their vice like grip! Twilight cried in triumph, she had gotten through to them! Now they could go help the othe-wait, wait no. No, they were just relocating their hooves to each other's nether regions, where they began to rub furiously in rhythm with their tongues. Sighing, Twilight eventually decided that she would have to wait for this story to end before she would regain the help of Pinkie and Rainbow. She thought to herself, trying to recall the last words of this particular tale. Ah yes, it went "And then they remained bound to each other and made passionate steamy love for days on end." Twilight brought her hoof to her forehead. She didn't have that long, she would have to come back later. Taking to the air she started towards Rarities boutique. She always locked herself away in her store, there's a good chance that no one's gotten to her yet! Twilight smiled as she flew. Everything was going to be okay!