"Quit it!"
"Gross!"
"Close your mouth!"
"Stop smacking!!"
I yelled these words over ten years ago, yet I remember as if it were yesterday.
I sat at the family eating table, watching my younger sister eat her dinner. The younger girl, Octavia, glanced up at the me. Sure, she was already eight years old. Back then I wouldn't have considered this: it wasn't her fault, she was a noisy eater. Our mom and dad had told her to stop politely, unlike how I yelled and demanded. Me, and I was only a year older than her, had grown out of it at the age of five, according to my parents.
"Stop it! Look, if ya wanna eat that macaroni, then do it one of these two ways." I stood up. Octavia looked up at me, her purple eyes seeming as if they were awaiting the choices. "Ya' can shut your lips when you eat," I glanced down at the table, and then grabbed my glasses with the purple lenses off of it and put them on, "Or, I can go in the other room and forget that noise."
I also picked up my headphones, which were laying on the table beside where I received the glasses. Putting them around my neck, I glanced at Octavia, who seemed to be thinking.
"Uhm..." The eight year old put her hand to her chin as she carefully decided what she was going to do.
I rolled my eyes and sighed. "How about I just go into the other room with mom, ok?"
"Wait!" Octavia exclaimed.
"What?"
"I'll be quiet..."
"You sure?"
"I promise." Octavia slowly nodded her head, keeping her eyes on me. I let out a deep sigh, sitting back down at the table. My younger sister put down her fork, and stared at the plate of macaroni and cheese in front of her.
Glancing over, I asked her, "Well, ya' gonna eat?"
"Mmhmm..." Octavia picked her fork up again, and fiddled with it.
I took my purple shades off and cleaned them against my shirt. Sliding them back onto my face, I smiled. However, my smile didn't last long; my smile faded when I noticed Octavia still had not eaten. Annoyed, I said, "Here, you... you just eat, ok? I'll just listen to my music."
Octavia half smiled, and as I pulled my headphones over my ears, she began to eat the pasta once more.
I took the iPod that rested in the palm of my hand and turned it on. It wasn't the newest device, but it was something. As long as it played my music, I was satisfied. I turned up the volume to block out the horrible sound of her lips smacking and the slurping of her food. Her small mouth seemed to not understand that it could close together when she ate. Her tongue flapped inside, rolling around in a thoroughly disgusting manner. The most irritating sound in the whole world to me was that continuous smack smack smack smack. It got on my nerves like nothing ever had before or since.
A while back I figured out that I could listen to my music to block out the noise of the smacking. Sure, the company that made the earbuds and headphones and MP3 Players all suggested to never listen to music loud. I always saw it written under the 'warnings' on their boxes. But it never seemed to effect me. As long as I saw the world through my purple shades and as long as I was being fleshed out with my music, I was living in what seemed to be a perfect world.
What I didn't seem to capture at the time was that Octavia watched as I practically moved with the music. It was habit for me to do it. I didn't consider what I was doing dancing, but rather... moving with the music. There really is no way to describe it unless you do it, unless you feel it. Dancing was you controlling your own choreography to the music. What I did was let the music control me.
Even though the music was directed into my ears, Octavia could almost hear the music itself by the way I moved. My arms waved slightly, and my neck tilted different angles, moving my head along with the beat. As my arms raised, the music pitch was higher. As they lowered, Octavia had to have known bass had been added. She listened to my hard fingernails tapping on the wooden kitchen table, and my shoe-covered feet hit the tile floor below. I never knew it at the time, but I was a musical instrument in myself, and like most younger siblings, Octavia Melody wanted to follow in my footsteps.
As my younger sister carried her empty dish to the kitchen sink, I stood up, and took off my blue and white headphones. My ears felt horrible, in a way that I could not describe at a young age. "Ugh... Mom, it's doing it again!"
A grown female voice that I could never forget called from the other room. "What's doing what again?" She asked.
"I'm hearing that noise!" I shouted back, unaware of how loud I really sounded. "It's really really annoying!"
I couldn't ever forget the minute when my mother walked into the kitchen. She was a tall and pale woman, with skin that was identical to mine, and yet her hair was long and dark, similar to my sister's. Her violet eyes glistened as the long rays of sunlight hit them. Looking at me sharply, she asked, "The tinnitus?"
"Yeah, whatever it is." I replied. I could barely hear her; my ears had a buzz-like stinging in them, and everything seemed to be quietly echoed.
Looking down at the table, my mother noticed I had sat my iPod and headphones there. "Were you just listening to those?" She asked me.
Knowing she had told me not to earlier, I slowly nodded my head yes in response. I felt a little guilty, knowing I had disobeyed her. But smacking should be an exception.
Sighing, my mom picked it up. "Dad and I have told you, Vinyl Scratch... No listening to this for more than an hour each day. I still think that's too much... And, oh, what's this?" Turning the iPod on, she saw that the music was at 90 percent volume. "We also told you no more than 60."
"But that's too quiet!" I argued back. "My friends listen to it at 100 and they have no probl-"
"No taking back, Vinyl." She warned me angrily, pointing a finger in my face. "I don't care about what your friends do with their music. That's their ears to worry about. Take those headphones off, young lady, now."
"B-but..." I didn't know what to say. My mom must have noticed, she shook her head 'no' in response. With a sigh, I turned the iPod off, and took out the headphones.
Suddenly, my ears felt deep. I heard high pitched crackling noises in my right ear... And they seemed to ache. "Ouch..." I put my hand up to my ear, holding it tightly.
"You're going to go deaf like that, Vinyl. I suggest you stop listening to your music for a while. You can listen to it outside of your headphones and earbuds, can't you?" My mom, taking the iPod and headphones, walked off.
Sighing again, I sat down on the floor. "I could... But you and dad don't like my style of music. You'll call it 'trash'..." I mumbled softly.
Octavia walked out of the kitchen. Overhearing the conversation mom and and I just had, she sat down next to me. She crossed her legs, and sat her hands in her lap, as I assume she was taught in school. Not a minute later she asked her first question. "What's deaf mean?"
"It's... When a person can't hear anymore, Tavi." I replied back, staring at the floor. "When they can't hear people talking or listen to music anymore."
"Why can't they hear?" I heard her voice squeak.
"I... I don't know. I guess they use it all up, or something." I put my hand to my chin. She had asked a question that I had never thought about before. "I don't really care why they can't hear. All I know is that once it's gone, it's gone."
We sat together on the kitchen floor for a few more minutes in silence.
"So... You will be deaf, too?" Octavia asked quietly.
"No!" I snapped. I looked over to see Octavia jump back from the unexpected tone of my voice. I didn't know if she knew I was scared that I would loose my hearing, but I realized then, that she was more scared than I. Calming myself down, I replied, "No... Tavi, I'm not. I'll just... Take a break from my music. You'll see. I won't go deaf. I won't need a hearing aid like dad said, or anything else they told me the other night."
"Will you have to go back to the... Oto... Otolary...?"
"Otolaryngologist?" I closed my eyes. "I... I don't know if I'll have to see the ENT. I don't like that... That tinnitus thing, as mom calls it, in my ears." I old stood up and slumped to my bedroom. I lay down in my bed and ran my hands through my short blue-colored hair.
~~~
Now I'm twenty one years old. It's cold where I am, but that might be due to the large room. I looked down at my younger sister. The twenty year old is currently sat on a piano on the long wooden stage below me. My sister had always wanted to be a singer, and as she played for the people in front of her, I could tell that my sister was pursuing her dream.
I pulled out my smartphone. Earlier that day, before Octavia went on stage, she sent me a text message. I looked down at my phone as I scrolled through the messages to read what she had sent me one last time. The message contained the lyrics to the song, and below the lyrics was a personal message from Octavia.
It read: "Thanks for coming to my concert, Vinyl. It means a lot to me. Without your inspiration, I wouldn't be here right now. Thanks for sticking with me throughout high school when I started playing piano, and even back at the beginning of middle school when I started writing this exact song. This song is in fact dedicated to you. The deep message inside is that you can't always be right here to love my music, but I'm still playing it for you. I love you, sis. See ya after the concert!"
I half smiled as I closed out of the messages on my phone. Sliding it back in my pocket, I looked up to see an excited Octavia running towards me. As my younger sister wrapped her arms around me, I knew something great had happened.
Octavia pulled back, and with tears in her eyes, began talking.
"Oh, it was great, Vinyl! The judges gave me a great score, nine out of ten! They said that I could go to Broadway, or Hollywood, and make myself famous! Isn't it wonderful?"
I looked down at Octavia. Time slowed down as I stared into the pianist's tear-filled purple eyes. The world around me seemed to stop as Octavia let go of the hug and instead placed her hands on my shoulders.
Octavia's mouth moved, but I could not hear anything. My life went from blaring loud pop music to dead silence. The music had fallen silent, and the movement of it's rhythm had been lost to me, forever.
Though, I admit, I hate being deaf, but I couldn't help to feel full of joy for my younger sister. Smiling wide, I looked up and saw our mom and dad walking towards us.
Octavia and our parents talked, hugged, and talked some more. Octavia then got her phone out and began typing. Seconds later, a buzz rang from my phone. Pulling my vibrating cell phone out from my skin-tight pocket, I read my sister's text message.
"We're going to have lunch at the Hamburger in that small town we grew up in. Whatcha wanna eat? I'll order it for you." It read.
Putting my hand to my chin, I thought for a moment. Looking outside, I saw small snowflakes falling from the sky. It was true, Christmas was just next week. Octavia got her present early- the judges adored her musical talent. Now it was my turn. I quickly typed my message back, and slid my phone back into my pocket.
It was then that my mom glanced over at me. "Vinyl? Where are your hearing aids?" She motioned to her own ears, and I got the message. I expected my mom or dad to ask why I had taken them out.
I sighed. From the minute I walked in this building I knew this question was going to be asked from my family. I just couldn't take it any longer. I wanted hearing, really, but I also wanted to be natural. If I lost my hearing, I lost it. Sure, I mean, I could always stick in a hearing aid, adjust it a little, and hear just fine. But I did not want that.
It's hard to explain to people that my eardrums had all that they could handle. I was deaf, and was going to stay that way. If I could hear again, without hearing aids, I would totally take the offer. But I was not going to use artificial parts to help me gain back a privilege I had lost a long time ago.
Patting my other pocket, I smiled to my mom in response.
~~~
"Here's your macaroni and cheese, Vinyl." Octavia sat down the bowl of pasta in front of me. We sat inside the restaurant, waiting on the rest of our food. Macaroni and cheese was something they were fast at making, so my order came out before the others. I nodded, and pulled out my hearing aids from my pocket. Sticking them in, I said nervously, "Tavi, I wanted to ask you something."
"Yes, Vinyl?" She replied with an unsure smile. "What is it?"
Our family quietened and looked at me. I sighed and pushed the bowl of pasta towards my younger sister. "All I want this year for Christmas, is not my sense of hearing. I hate these hearing aids. I don't like being deaf, but we all knew it'd happen. Now here I am, but I won't complain. Tavi, the one thing I want for Christmas, is to hear you. Yes, hearing your song would be nice. But... That's the thing. It's nice. I want to hear something else, because... When you've gone without sound, sometimes you'll do anything to hear stuff that many people hate hearing. So," I took Octavia's hand and put one of the restaurant's plastic forks in it, "For the next few minutes, or however long it takes you to eat that pasta, is the last time I will wear these hearing aids. All I want for Christmas is to hear your smacking."
"A-are you sure? Smacking? Vinyl, don't be ridicu-"
"Please, Tavi?" I looked at her. She glared back at me, and then picked up the fork and fixed her grasp on it. Octavia slowly took hold of the pasta in front of her. Picking up the fork, she began to consume the food. Many people looked at Octavia in annoyance, with wonders of why someone her age would chew so loudly with their mouth open in a public eating place. But, they said nothing as they quickly ordered, ate, and left. As Octavia finished, I smiled and pulled out my hearing aids for the last time and pushed them back into my pocket.
I would go home and put my hearing aids away where I would hope to not find them for as long as possible. At once the sounds of cash registers closing and beeping, people walking in and out of the restaurant, and the various conversations mumbled in the background seemed to fade. Children squealing soon become inaudible, and the sizzling of hamburgers disappeared. Silence crept in and took hold of me. The last thing I ever heard was smacking: I couldn't have asked for more.
"Merry Christmas, Vinyl Scratch." Octavia said quietly, smiling wide. I had no idea what she said, but I smiled back just as wide as my little sister. Thanks for everything, sis. Merry Christmas.
Author's Note
Many thanks to my amazing editor, Paradise Oasis!
I wrote this story simply because many people overlook what they have and think nothing of it. Every single day my ears have tons of ringing- I haven't listened to my headphones for months due to the fear of it becoming worse. I began to think about what life would be like if I lost my sense of hearing... And it struck me. Someone with perfect hearing would hate to hear nails on a chalkboard, breaking glass, or ... smacking. But someone without hearing would do anything to hear even the most annoying of sounds, even for just a moment. Let's be thankful this Christmas for what we have, and give unto others love and joyfulness. 'Tis the season of giving, after all.
