Daring Doo groaned as she tried to clear the cobwebs from her head along with whatever jerk was tap dancing on the inside of her skull. Opening an eye slightly she cringed at the bright desk lamp that set that tap dancer into a spastic fit. Shutting her eye she struggled against the ropes holding her upright in what felt like a very sturdy wooden chair. Turning her head to the side and carefully opening the eye on the opposite side from the lamp she could see an assortment of earth pony thugs standing about in the shadows. So, to sum up the situation, she was tied to a chair with a harsh light shining on her while surrounded by what was probably hired muscle. Most pegasi would be a bit freaked out, but for Daring this was a pretty normal for a Saturday morning, except for the fact that she was pretty sure it was a Thursday.
“Which one of you clowns has my hat?” Daring snarled at the thugs on her left. None of them paid her any mind, choosing to just stand there in their best attempts at intimidating.
“So glad you could finally join us, Miss Do.” A familiar voice chuckled from the other side of the lamp
Daring’s eyes widened at the voice, “Price?”
“In the flesh Ms. Do. Well, most of it.” the owner of the voice replied as they stepped around the table and into the light. He was a tall and slender unicorn, with a carefully groomed mane. By most standards he would have been considered pretty, though only when viewed from the left side. His right side was wrapped in a jagged web of burn scars. “The Temple of Aithops took much from me, Ms. Do. I intend to have it back. Where did you hide the amulet?”
Daring wrinkled her nose at Price’s question. “You’re going to have to be more specific. I’ve hidden a lot of amulets.”
Price levitated a sketch from the table and held it in front of Daring’s face. “Axolotl’s amulet! Where is it?!”
Daring eyed the sketch of the white jade amulet in the shape of a newt carefully before shrugging as best as she was able under all the rope. “Never heard of it. Give me a couple months and jump me again. I should have snatched it up by then.”
Daring’s head whipped around as Price slammed his hoof into her jaw. Daring glared at the unicorn as she worked her jaw around until she was satisfied it wasn’t broken, before spitting out a bloody tooth that bounced harmlessly off of Price’s snarling face. He didn’t even wipe the red spittle from his face as shouted at Daring. “Who do you think tipped you off to the existence of the amulet Daring and that Ahuizotl was after its immortal powers? Did you not for even just a moment suspect that he actually wasn’t? I mean seriously, if this really was one of Ahuizotl’s schemes, why did his posse of cats never appear? I’ll tell you why! It’s because I was the one that sent you on this quest. I have watched your every move for weeks, carefully orchestrating events so that it wouldn’t seem too easy; so that you would continue your search. Now you have found the amulet and the game is over! I want my –“
Price froze as the overhead lights suddenly came on, revealing the room to be what under other circumstances would be a pleasant commons area of a rustic cabin. Naturally the furniture had been removed save the table and a couple sturdy chairs, but Daring thought it was probably a nice enough place to vacation in. Every eye in the room turned to stare at the brown pony wearing a khaki vest and mahogany turban that had just nosed the light switch. He quickly pocketed the large compass he had been holding before clearing his throat and saying, “Um, hi I’m looking for Trouble-“ the stallion stopped when he noticed Daring tied up. “Ah, Daring Do! When you get a moment, I’d love to get an autograph. I’ll just be going now and let you two sort things out first.”
“Grab him.”
The intruder tried to run, but quickly found himself at the bottom of a pile of ponies as chalk, pencils, and sheets of paper went flying. As the earth pony thugs picked up the intruder, the large compass tumbled free from his pocket and rolled to a stop by Dr. Price’s hooves. Picking the compass up in his magic he was surprised that rather than a needle pointing towards magnetic north, the compass had no fewer than 20 needles of various sizes pointed in every which direction. One of the largest needles was in active motion, following the stallion that had been carrying the compass as Price’s associates secured the stallion to a chair of his own.
“Please be careful with that.” The stallion whimpered, “I don’t have the resources to make another.”
Price turned the compass over to find a complex set of interconnected runes and magic circles. “You are a runist?”
“It’s a hobby. It’s always nice to show up a snobby unicorn who is under the illusion that their kind have a monopoly on magic.” The stallion chuckled as he looked around the room at the burly stallions glaring at him. Price turned the compass over again, noticing that the number of arrows changed when the compass was perpendicular to the ground.
“What in the hay is this?”
“Gift finder. I’m terrible at picking gifts and that actually points to things that Trouble wants.” The brown stallion began to sweat, “Could you please put it down?”
Price rolled his eyes and set the compass down and the brown pony seemed to relax slightly. Price ignored the stallion and turned his focus to Daring once more. “Where were we, oh right, you were going to tell me where you hid Axolotl’s amulet!”
“You mean the one that continuously heals the wearer?”
Daring, who had been ignoring the stallion tied up next to her, suddenly took an interest in the brown pony. Price was similarly was intrigued. “Who are you?”
“Leather.” The pony smiled weakly.
“That’s a terrible name for a civilized pony.” Daring wrinkled her nose
“My mother was a strange mare.”
Price gave Leather a saccharine grin, made all the more disingenuous by the way his burnt side refused to make anything more than a painful looking grimace. “And how do you know about an obscure ancient Trotemalan relic like the Axolotl amulet?”
“Trouble moonlights as an action archeologist, like Daring Do. The amulet was one of the artifacts she was looking for off and on last time we talked.”
Price seized the compass and held it towards Daring before turning it sideways. Two needles pointed towards the restrained mare, one towards her face and the other a little further down. Price shook his head with a chuckle, “Either this Trouble has a thing for Ms. Do, or we didn’t search her nearly well enough.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s the latter, because you didn’t search me well enough either.” Every eye turned to look at Leather, surprised by the sudden confidence in his voice. The smug grin on the stallion’s muzzle only grew as magic circles began to glow on every wall and much of the floor; even the ceiling was covered in them. “If you had, you would have realized I’m actually a unicorn.”
There was a blue flash of light and the room’s surfaces all turned to a goop that quickly entangled Price and his ponies. The floor underneath Daring and Leather however collapsed entirely. The stallion cackled as they fell, a beam of magic piercing his turban and slicing through the ropes holding Daring to the chair.
Rope went flying as Daring threw out her wings wide and began to hover in place. Leather on the other hoof continued to fall, hitting the steep slope the cabin above them was built on hard. He then proceeded to bounce down the hill.
“A! LITTLE! HELP!” Leather shouted between bounces as he tumbled head over hooves… straight towards a sheer drop. Daring dashed forwards but even she wasn’t fast enough to save the stallion from tumbling over the edge.
Throwing herself over the edge, Daring came to an abrupt halt as she crashed into the ledge that had been hidden from sight until too late. Next to her Leather groaned, “Forgot the cabin was built over a cliff. Sorry.”
“I’ve had worse.” Daring grumbled as she stood up and dusted off her khakis.
“So have I.” Leather chuckled, “Part of why I started wearing a turban.”
“Then you know it’s not over yet.” Daring said as she grabbed Leather and dragged him to the edge before wrapping her legs around him.
“Woah, woah! Can’t we waaaaAAAAAALK?!” Leather screamed as Daring rolled them off the ledge.
Daring’s wings snapped wide and she grunted as their combined weight made her wings feel like they were trying to jump from their sockets. “You’re heavier than you look, Leather.”
“I would have been lighter if you had untied me first. High backed hardwood chair and all that.” Leather mumbled as they flew away from the cabin. A few minutes later found them setting down in the middle of a village. A few of the locals stared, but for the most part they were ignored as Daring worked at the knots holding Leather. What that said about the state of affairs in these parts Daring preferred not to think about.
“So what exactly did you do back there?”
“When they tackled me I intentionally spilled a few pencils from my pockets and then from that point on I was drawing magic transmutation circles all over the room.” Leather chuckled, “I turned a portion of the building into a fast hardening resin. They’ll be stuck for a while, but when it finishes curing it grows brittle. The earth ponies should have no trouble just smashing through. They’ll be fine as long as they don’t try to burn it off.”
A loud WHUMP drew everypony’s eyes back towards where Daring and Leather had just flown in from where a very large cloud of black smoke was rising into the sky from the jungle. As Leather stared with a slack jaw Daring rolled her eyes and started unwrapping him. “They’ll be fine. If there’s anything I’ve learned over the years, it’s that the bad guys always survive.”
Leather didn’t seem to hear Daring, or even acknowledge that she was there until she started rummaging through his pockets. Looking down at the mare he frowned, “Um, what are you doing?”
“Autograph.” Daring replied around a mouthful of papers. “Now hold still.”
Pressing a paper to the side of Leather’s face Daring quickly scribbled out her name. “There. Something to give to this Trouble that you’re looking for.”
Leather chuckled and took the paper in his magic and slipped it into a pocket. Suddenly his eyes grew wide and he began frantically patting pockets. “Nononono!”
Leather dumped out the contents of every pocket and then when he still couldn’t find what he was looking for amongst the surprising amount of office supplies he had tucked away in his vest, he began to dig through the ropes. Coming up empty there too Leather sat down hard and hung his head, “I didn’t grab the gift finder.”
“Couldn’t you just scry her or something?” Daring asked with a frown. Considering the kind of magic she faced down on a regular basis she struggled to grasp just how limited most unicorns actually were in the use of the strange energies.
“Don’t have the resources.” Leather mumbled back. “You need something of great personal significance to the target or something that has been in their possession for a long time. Trouble travelled light. Without a lead on where she might be headed I have nothing to go by.”
“I’m sorry,” Daring placed a hoof on Leather’s shoulder, “But you really should get going Leather, I meant what I said about Price and his crew. He’s probably going to be coming after you and the farther away you are the better.”
“If you see him before I do, tell him to get in line.” Leather chuckled and wiped his eyes with the back of a hoof. “After five years of searching for Trouble during every school break, I’ve found plenty.”
“School? You’re a student?”
“I get that a lot. I’m a professor actually.” Leather stood up and gathered all his goods from the ground as well the rope. With everything ready he held out a hoof to Daring Do, “Professor Leather Bound, Assistant Head of the Inscribed Magic Department at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. If you ever need to get an expert opinion on any inscribed magic you might encounter in your travels don’t hesitate to hit me up.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Daring said before taking off. Leather watched her go with a small smirk before following her out of town. It was a long walk back to Canterlot.
~
Cactus Juice looked out over the Ashmead Saloon. It was a pretty typical late Tuesday evening; the only ponies left were a couple hard regulars, one passed out at the bar the other at a table, and the pianist who was packing up their sheet music and tip jar. The dark brown bartender was busy cleaning cups and debating whether or not to go ahead and pour himself a drink, when Leather stumbled in through the swinging doors.
His turban was all but undone and his vest was torn. Covered from head to tail in scratches and favoring his back right leg it was clear that he had been put through the wringer something fierce. Cactus quickly grabbed a bottle of his namesake and poured Leather a shot. “First one’s on the house if ya’ll share what wind blew this sorry lookin’ tumbleweed into town.”
Leather smiled weakly as he placed his turban on a stool and promptly did his best to sit on top of it. Leaning on the bar he took the shot glass in his magic. “Just trying to get back home to Canterlot from Trotemala. I ran into some leucrota in the Macintosh Hills that wanted to eat my horn. I gave as good as I got, which split three ways isn’t much. Fortunately, leucrota are scavengers; so, it was enough to convince them to try elsewhere for dinner.”
Tossing back the shot Leather downed the sweet liquor, and promptly broke into a coughing fit. Cactus laughed and put the bottle of cactus juice back on the shelf. Leather was obviously not the type for the heavy guns. “Care for something a little smoother?”
“That is what I came for.” Leather replied and pulled out a handful of papers with rune circles on them as well as a rock. Placing one circle on the bar and the rock on top of that Leather smiled. In a small flash of blue light the rock was transformed into a highball glass.
Cactus raised an eyebrow at the display of magic. “Ya do realize this is a saloon right? We have plenty of glasses available.”
“Of course.” Leather chuckled and pushed his glass forwards, “But through a series of empirical, and ‘peer-reviewed’, studies, I have determined exactly how much alcohol I can consume, without food, and still be able to barely walk home. Once that amount passes through the glass, it returns to being a rock.”
Cactus shook his head slowly, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice, “Yer an odd one, Mr…”
“Professor Leather, Leather Bound. My mother had a thing for griffon made tomes, and my father lacked a back bone.” Leather chuckled and gave his glass another push, “Perhaps some reserve cider?”
“If ya intend to get drunk off yer flanks, I’d like payment up front.”
“Of course.” Leather smiled and levitated a broad assortment of currency from his many pockets. Cactus stared at the currency as it floated to the counter top, they were from everywhere. Equestrian bits, Trotemalan Quetzales, Griffonian marks, Minosian pieces of eight, and even a few forms of currency that the bartender did not immediately recognize. While he wasn’t sure of the exact value of the cash before him, Cactus was fairly certain it would pay for a bottle or two of reserve hard cider. Or maybe a small keg of it.
Grabbing a bottle from the cooler under the counter, Cactus filled the glass. “How does a professor from Canterlot become so well traveled, and why would a Canterlot unicorn settle for cider?”
After taking a sip of the cider in his glass, Leather smiled and sighed, “Over the last five years, I’ve been trying to track down a mare named Trouble. That’s not a pun, it’s her name. We parted ways under less than pleasant circumstances. As for my preference in drinks, well, I’ve always preferred apples to grapes.”
Cactus’s jaw hung open and he stared at the stallion across the bar. Leather had drained half the glass, one small sip at a time, before Cactus finally found his voice. “Why?”
Leather eyed the shocked bartender as he topped off his glass. “You’re going to have to be more specific. Are you asking why did I try so hard? Or maybe you are curious why I haven’t found her yet? Or perhaps even why’d we part ways in the first place?” Taking a large gulp he chuckled, “I’ll go ahead and answer them all! Regret and catharsis mostly, though I think I may still love her too. Trouble is in possession of a certain set of skills that make tracking her down a nightmare, plus she travels light and left me nothing I could scry her by. So I used something I call a gift finder to locate things she might be trying to obtain in hopes of crossing paths with her. As for why she left in the first place, well, I kicked her out and anything more than that would be more than I have any right to say.”
Cactus continued to stare at Leather in silence until he tapped his empty glass with the empty bottle. “Still haven’t found her, and I’d like to remember her. Inebriation makes the memories flow better. So, keep giving me bottles until the cup becomes a rock or the money runs out. If the glass runs out before the money, keep the change.”
“Thank you.” Cactus said before fetching another bottle from under the counter. Leaving the bottle in the unicorn’s care, Cactus swept the money along the counter to the cash register so he could puzzle out just how much alcohol Leather had purchased. With a sad smile Leather filled his glass and retreated into memory.
~
Leather nervously watched carmine pegasus sitting across the table from him as she shamelessly devoured an oversized oat burger smothered in cheese and signature sauces. Even with her muzzle covered in sauce she was still just as stunning to Leather as the first day they’d met. Then again, she’d been still been covered in dirt from her last adventure when she showed up with an unusual set of rune stones for him to examine, so it wasn’t that much of a stretch.
In a blundering fit of boldness and half jest he’d offered to explain the runes only if she let him buy her dinner first. To his surprise, she had said yes. It had been the first of many dinners together, whenever she was between treasure hunts she dropped by to have dinner or coffee while they talked about work and complained about family. Tonight, they were back at the casual dining establishment where it had all begun and a small box was currently burning a hole in Leather’s pocket. He wasn’t sure how, but the young professor, who had not set foot outside of Canterlot since moving there after graduating with his degree in Inscribed Sciences from New Buckington College, had fallen head over hooves for this adventuresome pegasus who couldn’t seem to stay in one place for more than a month at a time. However, she always seemed to come back to Canterlot, eventually.
Leather picked at his gumbo, pushing lumps of spicy tofu around in the rice as he tried to come up with something that wasn’t stupid to use as a segue but was getting nowhere. When he looked up he found Trouble leaning across the table with furrowed brow. “You okay LB? You haven’t touched your food other than that poking you were just doing.”
Leather smiled and carefully slipped the box from his pocket into his napkin. Levitating the napkin with box wrapped inside he began wiping Trouble’s cheeks clean “You’ve got a little something… everywhere.”
Trouble rolled her eyes and grabbed the napkin out of the air to wipe her face herself. Her amused expression vanished, replaced by open curiosity as she felt the box beneath the red cloth. Carefully unfolding the fabric to reveal the black velvet box she gave Leather a confused look before opening it. Inside was a golden horn ring on a silver chain. After a long and terrible pause she finally looked back up at Leather and said, “What is this?”
Leather’s face struck the table with enough force to rattle the silverware and only just barely missed going in his gumbo. “It’s a wedding band, for unicorns because I couldn’t find a jewelry shop that sold bands for pegasi. This is Canterlot after all.” And I only just barely avoided chickening out so I was rushed. He didn’t add, though it was true.
Trouble giggled at Leather’s exasperation, and then frowned, “Wait, are you proposing to me?”
Leather turned his head so that he could look up at her from the table top before squeaking out, “Yes? I’m not even asking that you stop traveling, just that when you go home, that it’s me you go to.”
Leather Barely had time to let out a yelp before Trouble had reached across the table and pulled him to her by the head so that she could kiss him without leaving her seat. Between the nervousness, the shock of being dragged across the table by the smaller mare, and Trouble’s passionate kissing; Leather barely even noticed that he was now wearing both their meals.
When Trouble finally released Leather from her kiss, he slid back into his seat still stunned. Trouble giggled and gestured to Leather, “You’ve got a little something… everywhere.”
Leather looked down at the mess on the table before him and the mess that was actually on him. He stared at it for a while, and then asked, “That’s a yes, right?”
“Yes, that’s a yes!” Trouble cackled. Leather smiled and waved to one of waiters who was staring at him with a mildly horrified expression.
“Check please.”
Leather was on cloud nine when they left the restaurant, but during the long walk back to his apartment he couldn’t help but notice that something was wrong. When they first left the restaurant, Trouble was practically glued to Leather’s side with a silly grin on her face to match the smile on his. As they walked however, her grin faded and the mare refused to make eye contact with Leather as she slowly drifted away.
“Is something wrong?”
“Yes.” She bit her lip as she looked around at the nearly empty street. Only a handful of unicorns were out an about at this hour on a weeknight. “I… I’ll tell you when we get back to your place.”
“Well, technically it’ll be our place before too long.” Leather smiled, but Trouble’s silence quickly put a damper on his high.
Neither spoke for the remainder of the walk back to his apartment. As soon as the door was shut he turned to Trouble, “So what’s troubling you Trouble?”
Trouble didn’t smile at Leather’s poor attempt at humor. Sitting down in the middle of the room she sighed, “I… my family would flip if they ever found out, but if you don’t want to see me after this, I understand.”
“I don’t know what-” Leather started to say but was cut off by Trouble suddenly bursting into flames. Bright green flames. Leather’s heart jumped into his throat and refused to leave as it began to pound out of control. The red eyed changeling refused to meet his gaze as Leather’s mind reeled.
“Out.”
Both Leather and the changeling flinched at the harshly spoken word. But as shock turned to anger, Leather said it again and again growing louder with each utterance until he was shouting. Laying hooves on her Leather began shoving her towards the door, barely giving the changeling time to retake her guise as a pegasus before the door opened and slammed shut behind her. Leather pressed his face against the door, listening to Trouble’s hoofsteps disappear down the hall.
“Lies.” He muttered weakly as his legs began to shake and a familiar knot began to form in his stomach.
~
Leather woke up mid retch. To his surprise, and relief, his head was already hanging in the toilet. Of course that did nothing to lessen the headache that threatened to split his skull wide open. As he rinsed his mouth and face in the sink the thought occurred to him that he didn’t remember the trip to the inn. Usually he remembered the tail end of a bender, if blurrily. After drinking his fill of tap water, Leather returned to the bedroom to find Cactus Juice laying there and twirling one half of his handlebar mustache.
“Well, that’s a first.” Leather said with a cringe as his skull throbbed.
“A fifty bit tip gets ya places in this town, if ya know what I mean.” Cactus drawled.
“You’re welcome.” Leather said as he struggled to prepare a spell through the haze of his hangover. You learned some of the strangest things during post secondary school, including how to compress a hangover into 5 minutes of pure unadulterated agony. Normally the caster would be the one not suffering from a hangover, but Leather had faith in his abilities. There was a bright flash and his headache tripled in intensity as the anti-hangover spell went to work.
Cactus bolted upright as Leather sank to his knees with a hiss. Shutting his eyes’ Leather gingerly laid his head against to cool hardwood floor, at least until hoofsteps started sending jolts of pain through his tenderized brain. Peeking out through one eye at the black hooves in front of his face he whimpered, “Please walk quieter.”
“By the stars, LB, you are such a lightweight.”
Leather’s eye traveled up the black legs, noting a conspicuous set of holes near the fetlock, and finally coming to rest on the changeling’s red eyes. “Trouble?”
“Three bottles. You had three bottles of hard cider before that cup turned back into a rock. Most ponies drink six just to get started on a bender.”
Leather let out a low huff, which as the best laugh he could manage at the moment, before mumbling, “Now you know why I never ordered alcohol on our dates.”
Trouble rolled her eyes before lying down on the floor across from Leather with a smirk. “Indeed. What happened to you? Last time we were face to face you threw me bodily out of your home, and you didn’t do ‘outdoors’.”
Leather chuckled as the hangover finally started to recede from ‘kill me’ to merely agonizing. “I started thinking for one. My original assumption, that the whole relationship was built on lies, struggled to hold water in view of the fact that you had willingly blown your cover.”
“Duh.” Trouble snorted, “My sisters would have killed to have been in my position that night.” Trouble’s eyes narrowed and she added, “Actually, I think one of them did.”
“Well, excuse me. I’ll own that I reacted irrationally, but you didn’t exactly break it to me gently.” Leather said, pretending he hadn’t heard that last bit. Sitting upright, Leather rocked back and forth as his head spun a little. “By the time I realized I’d made a mistake, you were long gone. It didn’t take long for me to accept the fact that normal search methods would be useless, and even if I did find you there was no way for me to actually know I’d found you unless you wanted me to.”
“And so you started using the gift finder.” Trouble giggled and sat up. “How did that work for you?”
“It was awful!” Leather threw his hooves in the air as he began to rant, “My first real trek left me lost in the San Palomino desert for three days after getting mugged by bandits! Fortunately they had no interest in a compass that didn’t point north. Then I got caught in a flash flood! It was the biggest profane gesture the planet could give me! I nearly drowned while dying from dehydration! All that and all I got out of the deal was a mummified coyote’s paw that lets me walk without making tracks!”
By the time Leather had finished his incredibly animated story, Trouble was clutching her stomach as she laughed. “You just followed the compass blindly?!”
“Yes!” Leather gripped the sides of his head in his hooves, “I now have a whole collection of minor artifacts in my office, some of which I still have yet to determine the effects of!”
Trouble raised an eyebrow and Leather shrugged, “The unknowns are in individual magic containment safes. I’m stubborn and reckless, not stupid.”
“Which makes you either a hopeless romantic or the clingiest ex-coltfriend in the history of Equestria.” Trouble giggled. And then her expression turned solemn. “So where do we go from here?”
Trouble smiled and held out a hoof, “Hi, my name’s Leather Bound. I’m a professor of inscribed magic at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, post secondary division. I have a very low tolerance for alcohol, a stubborn streak that makes most mules look like pushovers, and a recently acquired taste for adventure.”
Trouble stared at Leather for a long time as he held out his hoof. Finally she broke into a smile and Took leather’s hoof in her own. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Trouble, a changeling. To put food on the table I hire out as a foalsitter and ‘substitute’ bartender. I picked up action archaeology as a hobby to pass the time. I also enjoy watching stallions wreck each other on the hoofball field.”
“Perhaps we could continue over breakfast? I haven’t had anything solid to eat since yesterday afternoon.” Leather said as his stomach rumbled loudly. Trouble laughed and nodded before transforming into her pegasus guise.
“I would love to.”
Author's Note
For the record, Trouble is buying because Leather has no cash anymore.
Welp, feedback welcome!
