Trixie lay on her bed. Dried tears stained her cheeks. She wanted to cry more. There were no tears left to shed.
Trixie sobbed. It was late. She didn’t want to sleep. She would have to get up if she slept. Trixie didn’t want to get up. She would have to endure that hell again if she got up. She curled up under her blanket. It was past midnight. Trixie didn’t want to sleep. She wanted to stay under her blanket. All the world outside. Forever.
The sun shone on Trixie’s face the next morning. She opened her eyes in horror. She had to get up. She had to go there again.
She hated that place.
Trixie scuffled into the auditorium. It was filled with young unicorns. Chatting, smiling, laughing. Trixie didn’t want to chat. Trixie didn’t want to smile or laugh. Trixie couldn’t smile or laugh.
The teacher came in. Trixie tried to focus on the lecture. She couldn’t make any sense of it. She tried to keep up, but she couldn’t. Trixie’s head hurt. Just like yesterday. Just like the day before. Just like the whole last month.
Trixie sat in the cafeteria. She wasn’t hungry. She hadn’t been in days. She looked over her notes. She tried to focus. Thousands of other thoughts were swirling in her mind. Thoughts of doubt. Thoughts of despair. Disappointment. Frustration. Thoughts that have haunted her for weeks.
A voice took Trixie back to reality.
“Mind if we sit here?”
Two unicorns stood next to Trixie. One purple with a dark blue mane, one light yellow with a red mane. Trixie didn’t respond. She knew the purple one. The one who knew all the answers. The one who made everything look easy. The prodigy named Twilight Sparkle.
Trixie crammed her notes in her bag and ran off. Away from Twilight Sparkle. Away from the school. Away from the world.
Trixie wanted to cry. She couldn’t get the tears to flow. Trixie hated her life. She hated herself.
Why did she have to struggle like that? Why can’t she get everything done easily like Twilight Sparkle?
Trixie walked home alone. Her mother asked her how school was. Trixie replied it was fine. But it wasn’t. It was horrible. Like always. Trixie didn't want to talk to her about it. She didn't want to talk to anypony about it. She wanted to shut it out of her life.
She sat down at her desk and took out her crumpled-up notes. She studied them for hours. She still couldn’t make sense of them. Trixie felt terrible. She was nothing but a disappointment since she enrolled in Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. She tried to cope with the tasks, but she couldn’t. No matter how hard she tried. Trixie was a failure.
It was past midnight again. Trixie doused the lights and went to bed. She cried again. Like every night. She cried until there were no tears left to shed, then fell asleep in horror of the next day.
Trixie felt worse each morning. She didn’t know what to do.
Trixie sat in the auditorium. The teacher's voice reached her ears, but she couldn’t make out the words. Her head hurt. She felt desperate. She wanted to run again. Trixie stared at the board. The letters were blurred in her vision. She lay her head on the table. Tears formed in the corner of her eye. She was a failure and there was nothing she could do about it.
Trixie locked herself into the restroom. Trixie locked the rest of the world out. She looked into the mirror. Into her face.
She couldn’t recognise herself anymore. Her mane was a mess. She had rings under her eyes.
She didn't remember the last time she smiled. She didn't remember the last time she felt something besides frustration or anger or sadness.
A yellow pony ran up to Trixie on her way home. Trixie knew her. She was a friend. At least Trixie thinks she was. It felt like eternity since she last spent time with oher ponies. Since she did anything besides school or studying. The yellow pony asked Trixie whether she wanted to hang out. Trixie didn’t even know whether she wanted to. She felt empty inside. Trixie ran away. Tears formed in her eyes again.
Trixie arrived at home and slammed her door shut. The desperation built up again. It grew as she saw this week’s assignments on her desk. She had to hand them in tomorrow. She would never be able to do them. She would never be able to pass the exams. She would fail.
Trixie didn’t want to fail. She wanted to be successful. So she sat down and worked. She worked for hours.
But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get her assignments done. She fought a losing fight. She would never finish them. She would fail.
Trixie took the papers, screwed them up and threw them into the bin. She hated this school. She never felt worse in her life before. Her legs were shaking, her stomach ached, her head felt like it would split. She felt like she was about to break. She crawled under her blanket. Filled with despair, anger and self-pity, she fell asleep, dreading the next day.
After the lecture, the ponies handed in their assignments. Trixie saw Twilight Sparkle give her neatly organised papers to the teacher with a smug grin on her face.
Trixie felt like punching that pony. She couldn’t stand how Twilight Sparkle had no problems with school. Trixie hated Twilight Sparkle for that.
Her anger turned into resignation. She shuffled away from the school. She realised she didn’t have what it takes to pass Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.
Trixie gave up.
She wanted to leave all of it behind her. She didn’t need a fancy school to prove that she is a talented unicorn. Ponies like Twilight Sparkle may be better in school than her, but Trixie knew that she was good too. She knew she was Great and Powerful.
Trixie had always been good with magic, she could prove the world how good she was by showing it off.
Trixie left Canterlot wthout saying goodbye, leaving this dreaded life behind her, hoping it would never catch up. From this day on, the Great and Powerful Trixie would show the world what she was worth.
Author's Note
A rather personal story to me. I know it isn't the best, I just whipped it up this afternoon, but I felt like I had to write this.
