ASDF movies visits Equestriaby CosmicAfroChaptersI like trains...Noooooooooooo-Warning: PointlessLuna the Moon HorseHello!Where or where not to perform.Don't do the flop!Why won’t anyone eat me!?HomeworkYou're fat!They said I could never...I like trains...It was a god-awful day in Equestria. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and there was a fresh breeze carrying the scent of daffodils, but there was one really super important thing missing: trains. Yes, it was true that there were at least two trains in Equestria. The Friendship Express and the one pulled by those four stallions in the Bad Lands, but two was never enough, not for the I like Trains kid at least. You see, he was brought in recently to this place after his ironically appropriate death on the film set of ASDF. Now that he’s in a brand new world to wreak havoc upon, he’s…uhhh… here to wreak havoc upon it. ___ He died and suddenly appeared in front of Princess Celestia in Canterlot in the royal throne room of all places. This was not her first encounter with a human, but it was with one so… creepy. “Uhm… hello?” Celestia asked, unsure of what to do. “What’s your name?” “I like trains.” And then there were two gaping holes in the walls along with a random set of train tracks on the floor. Celestia stood there, mouth agape, unsure of what just happened. ___ Twilight Sparkle was reading a book, doing some research on how a unicorn’s light affects the specific influence of magical abilities in a relatively new field of theories, when the door gently swung open. A small solid white child with a jet black outline strolled in and went straight for the mechanics section. The mare did have to admit it was the oddest human she’d ever seen, but it wasn’t her place to question. Instead of reading anything, from what she could see while peeking above the rim of the page she was on, he just stood there with a little creepy smile. Feeling a little uncomfortable, she turned around in her chair. But, she then realized she had her back to him, so she turned right back around. But, now he was looking at her again. It was obvious he needed something, so she had to stallion up and just ask him what was wrong. She walked over to him and began her casual librarian routine. “Hi, how may I help you?” she tried to inquire as sweetly as possible. “I like trains.” A distinct rumbling rattled the floor as books wobbled off of the shelf and a train whistle went off in the distance. The vibrations only increased to get more violent. Was it an earthquake? A stampede!? No, neither of those have a train whistle! It was- A lengthy convoy barreled through, sending a flurry of loose paper to fly through and consequently out of the library. The kid mysteriously disappeared leaving the unicorn alone with a gigantic mess. Spike walked downstairs, paused, scanned the room, and walked right back up. ___ Mrs. Cake was in the Sugarcube Corner kitchen, preparing a cake for an impending party. Despite her normally pleasent demeanor, she was completely engrossed in the task before her. Each timer went off at a fast paced tempo as she figuratively jumped to the next station, whisking or frosting away. The bell attacked to the entrance jingled, signaling somepony had walked in. “Just one moment please!” the earth pony replied to the unknown customer. After seeing that there was thirty three seconds left until the next station, she came back to the counter and saw the plainly designed kid. “Oh no, no nonononononno no. No. Pinkie’s shown me to you on the internet, I know what you do.” She pushed the kid outside and slammed the door closed. And then nothing happened. ___ Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were sitting in a large field, recuperating after an invigorating training session for the next Wonderbolt’s audition. “Hey Rainbow Dash, have you heard of the ‘I like trains’ kid?” Pinkie asked her polychromatic friend, seemingly out of the blue. “He’s pretty cool, but I think there might be something wrong with him. I don’t know if he’s cursed or it’s something with his brain, but all he ever says is ‘I like trains.’” “I heard from birth he never spoke a word, not even to his parents.” “Not a single sound?” she held her hooves to her face. “Yeah, and on the first day of school I heard the teacher asked his name and all he ever said was ‘I like Trains.’” Rainbow shuddered at the thought. “Wow. But didn’t they put him on some Ritalin to see if that would help?” she questioned, continuing the conversation. “Yup, they managed to find the perfect dose. After that they asked him how he felt.” “And?” “Well,” she rubbed a hoof behind her head, “he stared at the doctor with a little creepy smile and said ‘he felt great.’” “Aww, good for him!” Pinkie stood up, shaking off some sweat. “Yup, after that the kid straightened out his life and even found a nice girl who he asked to be his wife.” “Dang, he cleans up.” “You might be more right than you know, Pinks. He was at the altar, prepared to say the vows. He put the ring on her finger and guess what he said?” “I… like trains?” “Yup.” Then they both remained completely silent as the dawn of realization broadened on their mental horizons. “Dashie… did we just…” “Yeah, I think we did.” ___ The Cutie Mark Crusaders were shuffling in their seats, uncomfortable with the wooden bottoms and the after school class they had to take for failing a test. “Man, I hate staying after school,” Scootaloo relayed to her friends, who had all failed as well. “Rarity’s gunna kill me for failing another test.” Sweetie Belle sighed in dismay. “Same with Applejack an’ Big Macintosh.” I like trains kid opened the door and said his catchphrase, without any seen rhyme or reason. A train barreled through without any issue, leaving the school in splinters. “W-what was that all about!?” Cheerilee yelled with utmost confusion. ___ Applejack and Rarity were on a date in the apple orchard fields. No pony knew about their lesbian relationship of two years, but they still loved each other. Rarity levitated a picnic basket and removed some the contents. A lovely daisy sandwich, a few alcoholic beverages and a picnic cloth. “Oh Applejack, isn’t this day just simply gorgeous! I just simply adore days like this. Weather’s not too hot, the wind’s not too breezy and there’s an Applejack by my side.” She picked out an orange from the basket and peeled off the skin.” “Rarity… what’s that?” “It’s just an orange, darling. I don’t see why you’re getting worked up.” “We have plenty a fruit on them trees and you bring in an outside product to MAH farm?” Then, random I like trains kid appeared. He used “I Like Trains!” It was super effective on trees! ___ He decided to visit Fluttershy that day as well. She was knitting on her couch when somepony knocked on the door. Or, who she thought was somepony. “Hello?” she meekly answered the door. “Who’s there?” The I Like Trains kid opened the door for her, wearing a T-shirt asking if she liked trains. “Actually… I uhm… don’t. I’m sorry. Noooooooooooo-Pinkie was bouncing around her own kitchen at her apartment, listening to humms and dings of various utilities and machines and taking the appropriate actions when something went off. “Thanks for helping me bake this cake, Twilight! I really appreciate it!” The unicorn had no issues with being modest. “It’s no problem, Pinkie. After yesterday’s train wreck-“ “Train wreck! I get it!” the baker giggled in response to the appropriately placed pun. She hadn’t even realized she made a pun, so she smiled and continued, “yeah, after yesterday, Spike and I were cleaning the library for at least two hours, and most of that was organizing the papers.” While whisking an egg, Pinkie replied, “So, what happened to that kid from yesterday anyways? He seemed to cause a lot of trouble. I mean, Celestia’s castle has train tracks running through it, Applejack has to buy a bunch of dirt for her fields, and Fluttershy is even more scared of anything mechanical in general.” “Oh, he shouldn’t be a problem. They’ve detained him and sent him back to the ASDF movie dimension.” Honestly surprised, the pink pony questioned, “you can really do that?” “Well, yeah. Portals open in Equestria all the time. But, more often than not, we get humans. They usually tell Celestia-awful stories and then leave.” “Well, fourth wall break aside, the cakes should be ready in about an hour. Can you do your magicy magic thing and enchant them to be real, living things?” “Why would you need that?” She approached the oven and looked at the rising yeast. “Well, the cakes are for Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Instead of thanking them with a lame card or a lame gift, I thought it would be so totally super neat if the cakes told the Cakes how thankful I was!” “Uhm… ok? It could work for my magic theorem I’ve been working on lately…” With a light of the horn and a casting of a spell, the baking confectionaries were enchanted. ___ A human, outlined in black and solid white for everything else, walked into Sugarcube Corner. There didn’t appear to be anyone there, not after he dinged the bell a few times and called out to them. It was truly an act of poor service. But, on the counter was a lone cake, decked with icing galore and two cupcakes on the side. There was a knife on the counter, so logically he assumed it was for the cake. “Umm, yum,” the human said, licking his cartoonish lips. He took the knife and held it over the cake for just a moment before going in for the first slice. Schlick! “Ahhhhh! Why would you do this!? I have a wife and family!” Horrified, he screamed, “Nooooooo!” “Oh the pain!” The cake dramatically screamed. “It’s unbearable!” “WHAT HAVE I DONE!” He stared at his hands, the tools of ~~blood~~frosting shed. Hopping across the counter, the cake continued writhing in pain. “Tell my children I love them!” “Daddy!” the two cupcakes screamed! The cake, unwilling to live, jumped off the edge and plummeted to the floor. “Nooooooooooooooooo-“ “-ooooooooooooooooo-“ Splat. “Hey Twilight, what was that-” Pinkie emerged from the kitchen with headphones around her neck and a Mp3 blasting some dub-step song. “Oh dear… now you’ve done it,” Twilight spoke through a facehoof. Warning: PointlessThere it was, a box on a pole with one lone button standing… menacingly… at the very center of town. It was crudely colored with just black and white being its sole description with bare basic outlines and nothing more. In a world of pastel and magic and copious amounts of friendship, it stuck out like a stripper in a shopping mall: Alluring but likely filled with nasty surprises. It appeared this morning without prior warning. Rumors have said that a lone pony was watching the town square as part of his guard duty. He stared at the same spot for five minutes, blinked for one, and then it was there. Not a sound, trace, or clue was left behind. It was just… there. Now, as far as button boxes go, it wasn’t too terrifically evil. It didn’t have spikes or evil red lettering or ominous aura’s radiating about it, it was quite literally a bare minimum structure. If it wasn’t so dangerous, why would ponies be horrified of it? The answer would have been “suspicion”. Inscribed on the front surface were these words: Pointless Button. Warning: Pointless. Twilight Sparkle, who was the first to arrive on the scene, was surrounded by her friends who were either cowering in fear over the unknown object or not caring in the least. “Seriously Twilight,” Rainbow Dash blurt out as she looked over her companion’s shoulder, “it’s just a stupid button. Even the box says it won’t do anything. Why are you getting all high strung?” She levitated a magnifying glass out of her saddle and investigated the facing with it. “Because, it’s just too ridiculous for somepony to add this without any rhyme or reason. What if the box is lying? And if it is, what would happen!? Explosions? Parasprites? Discord!?” “Twi’, I think yer getting’ mighty upset over nothin’. I think somepony is just tryin’ to get everypony’s tails in a knot and it sure is workin’ on most of you.” Applejack tapped the front, making sure not to hit the button. “It’s pretty hollow and it doesn’t sound like anything’s wrong with it.” “But-“ “Oh Twilight, you’re so silly,” Pinkie Pie intervened with her usually unusual amount of pep. “Why not just press the button and find out! It’s like a surprise party! And if it really is nothing, then there wasn’t any harm in it. Besides, it’s not like we couldn’t handle any meanie pants that came out of there.” Genuinely surprised that her friend was being the voice of reason, Twilight took a deep breath. She swallowed a glob of saliva. She wiped her forehead to remove excess sweat building in her brow. Her chest was beating as her heart raced inside of her chest. Pinkie was chewing on some taffy, oblivious to the buildup of suspense. She lifted a hoof. Higher. Higher. Higher. There, it was button level. She gave her friends one last look of hesitation. Most responded with a nod of support or annoyance as if saying “just get on with it”. Forward, she pushed her hoof. Forward. Forward. Ever so slowly. It was resting on the button now. Just one push and it’d be over. Another gulp. Another deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Then, she pushed the button. And nothing happened. “Huh…” Luna the Moon Horse♪Luna the Moon Horse.♪ “How did I get here?” The End. A/N: There’s no excuse for this chapter, but I bet it was the best eleven words you have read in your life. Hello!There it was, sitting on a park bench with an impossibly happy smile, one of the most destructive and adorable creatures in all of existence. It was only white and black, just like all the other ASDf-ians visiting Equestria. Its shell was perfectly dome shaped with a button at the apex, its feet were at the odds and ends as opposed to somewhere closer to the middle, and its neck was drastically too long. All perfect characterizations of a design so simple yet still magnificently brilliant. Don’t underestimate the mineturtle, for underneath that disguise of cuteness was pure, solidified, concentrated, unhealthy evil (oh, and some explosives. Of what kind is still unknown, no one has yet gotten close enough without exploding to tell). But Pinkie Pie had yet to discover or be educated in these matters. In fact, she was already picking it up and placing it on her back and walking off with it, playing a back-and-forth game of hello tag. In fact, that’s all the creature seemed to be able to say. As of right now, the oblivious earth pony was already cantering to the library to show Twilight her newest friend. ___ “♪Oh Twiiiiiliiiiight♪,” chimed Pinkie as she opened the door and popped her head inside. “Look what I found! It’s this cutie pahtootie turtle I found on the park bench and he’s sooooo adorable!” Head deep in a large tome, the librarian responded inattentively, “That’s wonderful Pinkie.” “Oh Twilight, don’t be like that.” She came inside, wiped her hooves on the new doormat, and approached her favorite bookkeeper. “Look, he even speaks!” “Hello,” said the mineturtle in a delightfully high pitched voice. Twilight’s ears twitched, and a drop of sweat rolled down her forehead. “Pinkie…” she started without turning around, “does that turtle happen to be black and white?” “Yeah! I thought it was pretty strange too because I’ve never seen anything like it before but then I remembered that time with Zecora, so I said ‘Don’t judge a turtle by its shell!’ so I made friends with it before freaking out this time.” She shoved the animal in front of the unicorn’s vision to which it promptly greeted her again. “Pinkie!” she exclaimed with terror, “that’s a mineturtle! Those are really dangerous!” “Aww, he’s harmless. The only thing strange about him is that button on his shell. Maybe it’s a party button!” Twilight slapped Pinkie’s hoof away, preserving her and her library’s life/structure. “What part of mineturtle don’t you understand!? It’s an explosion waiting to happen!” “Like, with confetti?” “No, with bad explosions.” “Ooooh… well I guess we should tell Fluttershy that.” Twilight cocked her head sideways, mouth open in an “o” form. “Didn’t you hear? A bunch of them migrated out of the Everfree Forest and into her home.” ___ The bell hanging over the door jingled, signaling a customer. Rarity paused her current sewing job and practically sang, “be right there!” She ambled down the steps and into the main design room. “Hello.” The fashion designer was confused, she heard a voice but it was nowhere to be found. But, when she looked down, she found her most recent guest. “Oh what a simply adorable turtle you are!” She picked it up and delicately balanced it on one upturned hoof. “What brings you to Carousel Boutique? Need a new design other than that wonderful black and white combination?” And then, without warning, it jumped off, did a one-eighty barrel roll and pushed its button using the floor. ___ “Hello.” “Oh, uhm, hi there Mr.Turtle,” spoke a nervous butter yellow pegasus. “Hello.” She quickly turned around. “And hi to you too, Mr. Turtle.” “Hello.” To her left was another turtle, and to the left of that was another and another and another and… there was a lot. “Oh my, there’s so many of you.” “Fluttershy! Run!” screamed Twilight as they stopped at the foot of the bridge. “Those are mineturtles! If one goes off, your whole house could explode!” The bearer of magic did a quick headcount and according to her records… there were about thirty of them roaming her friend’s property. “Twilight, what should we do! Even with Fluttershy’s knowledge of animals, if she makes one mistake-“ “Right, I have an idea. Pinkie, go get your party cannon.” A human randomly walked up behind them wearing a bare-minimum superhero costume. “I’ll save you all! Tree powers! Activate!” *Pop* Suddenly, there was a giant tree. And, well, that’s pretty much it. “Uhh…” Pinkie shook her head in disappointment. “I don’t think he had a funny enough skit to get a chapter all to himself.” “Wait, what?” Without answering the question, Pinkie took off, leaving a stupefied Twilight standing on the bridge. ___ “I’m back with the canno-… oh.” Before her was a completely destroyed house, a singed Twilight and Fluttershy, and one bamboozled Rainbow Dash hiding behind the tree guy who had transformed. She had only left for one minute to retrieve the item and this is what she saw. “Rainbow Dash! What happened!?” “Well, I was practicing for a new trick where I fly with one wing closed and… it kind of backfired and I slammed into a turtle here. Thankfully, I happened to slam into the one with indigestion, giving us an extra second to barely escape.” “So… the tree guy really did save you three?” He reconfigured back into his human form. “Wow, I… was not expecting that to work.” “Well, I guess that solves the mineturtle problem then,” Twilight spoke aloud while wiping explosion residue off of her face. “Actually, I forgot where I put that first turtle I found earlier today.” “Waahahahahaaa!” *Boom* “Never mind.” A/N: To clarify about the Party Cannon, she says she never leaves without it. Fortunately, that's ambiguous in the way it's phrased. Does she never leave her home, Ponyville, or anywhere without it? I don't see her lugging that contraption around everywhere which is why it's a perfectly valid excuse to say she had to go get it. Feel free to disagree, but I'm canonically correct by a technicality. Where or where not to perform.The stage was set, her fireworks were in position, and her hat was easily resting upon her great and powerful dome. It wasn’t like Trixie to perform out in such open spaces with only a lingering chance of an audience, but having ones reputation shattered like her old cart does things to a pony. With a sigh to match her title, she magically hoisted the last piece of her canopy. She had to admit, splurging some bits on the banner with her name in sparkling gold letters was definitely worth it. If that spectacle didn’t at least draw in their attention, she was unsure what would. “It’s been a troubling few months,” she congratulated herself, “but it’s finally over. My debts are paid, the cart is restored, and I can begin my expedition once more.” An old stallion walked by and observed the wooden contraption. His eyes widened as is his brain put two wires together. “Hey miss! You can’t perform here.” Trixie, standing in the middle of her mobile theatre, scoffed at the fool. Who was he to tell her she couldn’t do something. She was the Great and Powerful Trixie and by the power of the Alicorns, she wasn’t going to let some old coot tell her off. “You can’t tell Trixie what to d-“ BOOM. Don't do the flop!♪My Little Pony, My Little Pony, Ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ahhhh♪ The man lined his bazooka up with the hot-air balloon drifting downwards towards the pony-rampant town of Ponyville. His lead officer, wearing nothing more than a cap, held out his hand in an order to halt the missile. Now wasn’t the time. No, this was someone else’s short chapter: The Flop chapter. This man was different than most ASDFians other than his unusual get-up and visors. He had the magic of immediate and powerful influence, a magic that was as rare as the talent of magic itself. Worst of all, this influential magic was held by one of the most party-seekingist people out there. Unfortunately for the denizens of Equestria, there was something even worse than the worst of all when this man was actually in Equestria. He was to be studied by the princesses, a decision later to be regretted in-full. Right now, where this chapter begins, Princess Celestia and Luna were in their stereotypical deep and dark dungeons that apparently all castles had to have along with their unexpected guest. He had been trapped inside of a soundproof magic block, but even when barely illuminated by the torches’ light, his presence was undeniably powerful. For each “Everybody do the flop!” he enthusiastically yelled while flailing his arms and legs in a nonsensical and anatomically breaking pattern, they found themselves becoming more and more susceptible to his brand of magic. Strains of sweat dribbled down their faces as they scanned the readings coming out of the Artificial Superfluous Demagitation Frequency machine. Every time he spoke, the machine would calibrate the princess’s vulnerability. So far, the graphs were showing devastating results. To their horror, no spell could break the enchantment the man had. It was as if he was made out of a different fabric o- Everybody do the flop! Ahem. It was as if he was made out of a different fabric of the universe. Princess Celestia paced around the room with corks in her ears, looking slightly down in deep concentration, occasionally mumbling something. Her sister kept her gaze focused at the machine, adjusting dials and nodes as necessary. “Sister, I have discovered that this subject repeats the phrase… sister?” Luna looked beyond her machine. “Sister. Celestia!” She pulled the mock ear plug out and faced her twin. “Yes, Luna?” “I have discovered that this subject repeats the phrase at exact intervals. Observe… in two seconds.” They waited. Everybody do the flop. “His adamancy to repeat that phrase is something to be admired… we cannot continue this much longer tonight.” “And we cannot leave him alone or else this barrier shall break.” Celestia sighed. She was right, it was a struggle just to get him inside of the flop. The dungeon. Her knees began to bend. She knew what was about to happen. “Celestia, are you flo-k?” No, she wasn’t ok. She felt like she was about to flop o- No, she mustn’t succumb to such things. “Ok, I think our research has come to an end tonight sister, you’re not well. We’ve been at this for several days. Everypony do the flop.” No! EVERYBODY DO THE FLOP. (BAM). Author's Note No one can resist doing the flop. No one. Do it. Why won’t anyone eat me!?This is not a story of beginnings, but a tale of the end. The end of a talking muffin who wanted to die. It’s a simple story, a story so simple it will be finished in no more than five hundred and fifty words. The muffin walked through the town of Ponyville, having appeared in the Equestrian universe just moments after everyone in town had eaten a large, satisfying breakfast. He meandered, offering to be eaten as he wanted to die. Is that so wrong? Is that not food’s purpose? The muffin couldn’t understand why nopony would take him. Surely with their cartoon stomachs, they could expand their outlines a bit more to fit him. But it was not to be. Turned down, was he, by Twilight Sparkle. She said, “No thanks, Mr. Muffin.” And then the muffin said, “But I want to die!” It was so creepy and awkward that they sent him out of the home without a single word thereafter. The muffin stood on the doormat with the brave little smile of his and marched forward. Denied, was he, by the lovely Ms. Rarity and her sister Sweetie Belle. “I had just finished breakfast, but perhaps I could refrigerate you for later?” No, the muffin wanted to die now. So he left. He was also very impatient. Turned away, was he, by Applejack, for he was not a muffin with apple flavoring. And, frankly, Mr. Muffin didn’t like apples. Every apple he had met had been rotten to the core. Rejected, was he, by Pinkie Pie herself. Something about having a feeling, she said. Mr. Muffin had a feeling, that this morning was not going to be a good morning. He was starting to feel defeated. Considered and then forbidden, was he, to enter the sweet sanctuary of Rainbow Dash’s mouth. According to her concise reasoning, muffins did not go well with morning training. Yes, sitting on a cloud for hours on end required much effort, the muffin noted. Carefully considered and then passed, was he, by Fluttershy. She did not think it was fair if she had a muffin but none of her animal friends did. Mr. Muffin offered to split himself up, but the pony fainted at the very thought and a small white rabbit kicked him out. Mr. Muffin soon realized that if he could not be consumed by a mouth, he would have to be consumed by nature. He stood at the edge of the small river. It wasn’t the way he wanted to go, but it was definitely a way. Maybe some fish could take use of him. As he was going to step in, heaven from above called. A grey pegasus with a blond mane swooped down. “I’ll eat you,” she said happily. “I didn’t get a chance to see you this morning because I was delivering mail!” Mr. Muffin was elated. She held out her hoof and he gladly jumped on. And suddenly, glorious moments! Every bite into his muffin head was absolute ecstasy! He had finally reached his purpose! She gnawed, masticated, munched, chewed the living muffin out of that muffin. And finally, Mr. Muffin had died. “Meh, I’ve had better,” she said, shrugging her mail bag and returning to work. Author's Note I wrote this in half an hour to celebrate ASDF Movie 7. More to come soon! HomeworkThe door opened, revealing a police officer and a too familiar tan colt shuffling a hoof in the dirt and looking away from his parent’s frightened eyes. Mrs. Cake couldn’t believe this was happening, her own son had been arrested for- oh, she didn’t even know what he had been taken in for! Loitering, drinking, drugs!? Oh, if it was drugs, he was going to be in so much trouble. She spruced up her mane ever so slightly, knocking out a tuff of flour. “Officer Pelt Skin. What happened? Is my boy okay?” Pound Cake snickered. “Pelt Skin? Was your father Foot Hoof?” “No, he was Al Lottery, the head founder of the Give a Griff’in foundation for all orphaned children.” Pelt Skin was not an officer to be messed with. His skin certainly was thicker than most. “Anyways, ma’am, I found your son doing…” Mrs. Cake bit her lip. “Homework,” he finished. Her vision was shattered glass and it fell to the floor. Her own son… doing homework. Pumpkin Cake trotted downstairs, popping bubblegum in her mouth and then spitting it into the cake her mother had just finished baking. She banged her head slightly to the music coming through her earbuds. “Homework!? But where did I go wrong!?” Pumpkin Cake laughed. “Why can’t you be more irresponsible like your sister, Pound Cake!?” His own eyes filled with tears. “Because, I want a good future and education!” “We don’t talk like that in this house, mister! You go right up stairs and waste time on the internet! And no online research databases. It’s video games or Wikipedia!” “But M-“ “Don’t make me sing the alphabet incorrectly.” “AHH!” He fled to his room and his sister slapped him once on the bottom as he ran by. “I’m very sorry ma’am.” Officer Pelt Skin took off his hat and held it to his chest. “I know you’re trying your hardest.” “I just don’t understand where he gets those urges to do good from.” She sighed. “You’d think he’d know better on opposite week.” “Speaking of,” Mr. Cake stepped in to the room. “I think my wife and I need to go have a chat with our son. Officer Pelt Skin.” “Mr. Cake.” The door closed. “Pound Cake! I don’t hear the sounds of Facebook up there!” "I'm Tweeting as fast as I can!" "Tweet harder!" Opposite week was not a fun week for Pound Cake. On the other hoof, it was the one week where Pumpkin Cake was normal! Don't do your homework, kids! You're fat!Princess Celestia stood on her balcony. She was staring into the soon to be sunrise. It was peaceful, calm, and the perfect kind of- “You’re fat!” Luna cheerfully yelled as she flew by. And, y’know what? That was just like her sister. Time for another beautiful day. And to ask if Luna wanted to play “Catch the Knife” later. Author's Note Part 1 of 2. Woot. They said I could never...Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo were standing near the precarious cliff in the mysteriously dangerous town of Ponyville. The polychromatic one was standing there, hair parted to her sides in an oddly poofy fashion as if she’d recently lost her marbles, taken a loan to get some more, and then lost those at an intense drunk gambling session in Las Pegasus. The day was the perfect day to show off her younger companion’s newly developed flight skills. Well, unlike stated before, Scootaloo technically was standing, but there was also a catapault underneath her. Specifically, in the concave section of the launching mechanism… tied up in rope. As to how she aquired such a dangerous device... that was in part to Twilight Sparkle who was too busy studying "magic colorization" to notice her friend checking out an odd number of construction manuals. “Ha ha! They said I could never teach a chicken to fly!” the polychromatic pegasus laughed with a slight air of insanity lingering in the tone of her claim. To be fair, I think anypony would have been a little chicken in this kind of situation, which justified her pleading. “Eeeeeeeep!” Rainbow Dash must have been delusional because she inherently smiled deviously, pulled the lever that sent her companion careening into the sky, and then cried dramaticly “No Scootaloo, No!” E e e e e e e e e e And she was never seen again until the fifth season.
I like trains...It was a god-awful day in Equestria. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and there was a fresh breeze carrying the scent of daffodils, but there was one really super important thing missing: trains. Yes, it was true that there were at least two trains in Equestria. The Friendship Express and the one pulled by those four stallions in the Bad Lands, but two was never enough, not for the I like Trains kid at least. You see, he was brought in recently to this place after his ironically appropriate death on the film set of ASDF. Now that he’s in a brand new world to wreak havoc upon, he’s…uhhh… here to wreak havoc upon it. ___ He died and suddenly appeared in front of Princess Celestia in Canterlot in the royal throne room of all places. This was not her first encounter with a human, but it was with one so… creepy. “Uhm… hello?” Celestia asked, unsure of what to do. “What’s your name?” “I like trains.” And then there were two gaping holes in the walls along with a random set of train tracks on the floor. Celestia stood there, mouth agape, unsure of what just happened. ___ Twilight Sparkle was reading a book, doing some research on how a unicorn’s light affects the specific influence of magical abilities in a relatively new field of theories, when the door gently swung open. A small solid white child with a jet black outline strolled in and went straight for the mechanics section. The mare did have to admit it was the oddest human she’d ever seen, but it wasn’t her place to question. Instead of reading anything, from what she could see while peeking above the rim of the page she was on, he just stood there with a little creepy smile. Feeling a little uncomfortable, she turned around in her chair. But, she then realized she had her back to him, so she turned right back around. But, now he was looking at her again. It was obvious he needed something, so she had to stallion up and just ask him what was wrong. She walked over to him and began her casual librarian routine. “Hi, how may I help you?” she tried to inquire as sweetly as possible. “I like trains.” A distinct rumbling rattled the floor as books wobbled off of the shelf and a train whistle went off in the distance. The vibrations only increased to get more violent. Was it an earthquake? A stampede!? No, neither of those have a train whistle! It was- A lengthy convoy barreled through, sending a flurry of loose paper to fly through and consequently out of the library. The kid mysteriously disappeared leaving the unicorn alone with a gigantic mess. Spike walked downstairs, paused, scanned the room, and walked right back up. ___ Mrs. Cake was in the Sugarcube Corner kitchen, preparing a cake for an impending party. Despite her normally pleasent demeanor, she was completely engrossed in the task before her. Each timer went off at a fast paced tempo as she figuratively jumped to the next station, whisking or frosting away. The bell attacked to the entrance jingled, signaling somepony had walked in. “Just one moment please!” the earth pony replied to the unknown customer. After seeing that there was thirty three seconds left until the next station, she came back to the counter and saw the plainly designed kid. “Oh no, no nonononononno no. No. Pinkie’s shown me to you on the internet, I know what you do.” She pushed the kid outside and slammed the door closed. And then nothing happened. ___ Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were sitting in a large field, recuperating after an invigorating training session for the next Wonderbolt’s audition. “Hey Rainbow Dash, have you heard of the ‘I like trains’ kid?” Pinkie asked her polychromatic friend, seemingly out of the blue. “He’s pretty cool, but I think there might be something wrong with him. I don’t know if he’s cursed or it’s something with his brain, but all he ever says is ‘I like trains.’” “I heard from birth he never spoke a word, not even to his parents.” “Not a single sound?” she held her hooves to her face. “Yeah, and on the first day of school I heard the teacher asked his name and all he ever said was ‘I like Trains.’” Rainbow shuddered at the thought. “Wow. But didn’t they put him on some Ritalin to see if that would help?” she questioned, continuing the conversation. “Yup, they managed to find the perfect dose. After that they asked him how he felt.” “And?” “Well,” she rubbed a hoof behind her head, “he stared at the doctor with a little creepy smile and said ‘he felt great.’” “Aww, good for him!” Pinkie stood up, shaking off some sweat. “Yup, after that the kid straightened out his life and even found a nice girl who he asked to be his wife.” “Dang, he cleans up.” “You might be more right than you know, Pinks. He was at the altar, prepared to say the vows. He put the ring on her finger and guess what he said?” “I… like trains?” “Yup.” Then they both remained completely silent as the dawn of realization broadened on their mental horizons. “Dashie… did we just…” “Yeah, I think we did.” ___ The Cutie Mark Crusaders were shuffling in their seats, uncomfortable with the wooden bottoms and the after school class they had to take for failing a test. “Man, I hate staying after school,” Scootaloo relayed to her friends, who had all failed as well. “Rarity’s gunna kill me for failing another test.” Sweetie Belle sighed in dismay. “Same with Applejack an’ Big Macintosh.” I like trains kid opened the door and said his catchphrase, without any seen rhyme or reason. A train barreled through without any issue, leaving the school in splinters. “W-what was that all about!?” Cheerilee yelled with utmost confusion. ___ Applejack and Rarity were on a date in the apple orchard fields. No pony knew about their lesbian relationship of two years, but they still loved each other. Rarity levitated a picnic basket and removed some the contents. A lovely daisy sandwich, a few alcoholic beverages and a picnic cloth. “Oh Applejack, isn’t this day just simply gorgeous! I just simply adore days like this. Weather’s not too hot, the wind’s not too breezy and there’s an Applejack by my side.” She picked out an orange from the basket and peeled off the skin.” “Rarity… what’s that?” “It’s just an orange, darling. I don’t see why you’re getting worked up.” “We have plenty a fruit on them trees and you bring in an outside product to MAH farm?” Then, random I like trains kid appeared. He used “I Like Trains!” It was super effective on trees! ___ He decided to visit Fluttershy that day as well. She was knitting on her couch when somepony knocked on the door. Or, who she thought was somepony. “Hello?” she meekly answered the door. “Who’s there?” The I Like Trains kid opened the door for her, wearing a T-shirt asking if she liked trains. “Actually… I uhm… don’t. I’m sorry.
Noooooooooooo-Pinkie was bouncing around her own kitchen at her apartment, listening to humms and dings of various utilities and machines and taking the appropriate actions when something went off. “Thanks for helping me bake this cake, Twilight! I really appreciate it!” The unicorn had no issues with being modest. “It’s no problem, Pinkie. After yesterday’s train wreck-“ “Train wreck! I get it!” the baker giggled in response to the appropriately placed pun. She hadn’t even realized she made a pun, so she smiled and continued, “yeah, after yesterday, Spike and I were cleaning the library for at least two hours, and most of that was organizing the papers.” While whisking an egg, Pinkie replied, “So, what happened to that kid from yesterday anyways? He seemed to cause a lot of trouble. I mean, Celestia’s castle has train tracks running through it, Applejack has to buy a bunch of dirt for her fields, and Fluttershy is even more scared of anything mechanical in general.” “Oh, he shouldn’t be a problem. They’ve detained him and sent him back to the ASDF movie dimension.” Honestly surprised, the pink pony questioned, “you can really do that?” “Well, yeah. Portals open in Equestria all the time. But, more often than not, we get humans. They usually tell Celestia-awful stories and then leave.” “Well, fourth wall break aside, the cakes should be ready in about an hour. Can you do your magicy magic thing and enchant them to be real, living things?” “Why would you need that?” She approached the oven and looked at the rising yeast. “Well, the cakes are for Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Instead of thanking them with a lame card or a lame gift, I thought it would be so totally super neat if the cakes told the Cakes how thankful I was!” “Uhm… ok? It could work for my magic theorem I’ve been working on lately…” With a light of the horn and a casting of a spell, the baking confectionaries were enchanted. ___ A human, outlined in black and solid white for everything else, walked into Sugarcube Corner. There didn’t appear to be anyone there, not after he dinged the bell a few times and called out to them. It was truly an act of poor service. But, on the counter was a lone cake, decked with icing galore and two cupcakes on the side. There was a knife on the counter, so logically he assumed it was for the cake. “Umm, yum,” the human said, licking his cartoonish lips. He took the knife and held it over the cake for just a moment before going in for the first slice. Schlick! “Ahhhhh! Why would you do this!? I have a wife and family!” Horrified, he screamed, “Nooooooo!” “Oh the pain!” The cake dramatically screamed. “It’s unbearable!” “WHAT HAVE I DONE!” He stared at his hands, the tools of ~~blood~~frosting shed. Hopping across the counter, the cake continued writhing in pain. “Tell my children I love them!” “Daddy!” the two cupcakes screamed! The cake, unwilling to live, jumped off the edge and plummeted to the floor. “Nooooooooooooooooo-“ “-ooooooooooooooooo-“ Splat. “Hey Twilight, what was that-” Pinkie emerged from the kitchen with headphones around her neck and a Mp3 blasting some dub-step song. “Oh dear… now you’ve done it,” Twilight spoke through a facehoof.
Warning: PointlessThere it was, a box on a pole with one lone button standing… menacingly… at the very center of town. It was crudely colored with just black and white being its sole description with bare basic outlines and nothing more. In a world of pastel and magic and copious amounts of friendship, it stuck out like a stripper in a shopping mall: Alluring but likely filled with nasty surprises. It appeared this morning without prior warning. Rumors have said that a lone pony was watching the town square as part of his guard duty. He stared at the same spot for five minutes, blinked for one, and then it was there. Not a sound, trace, or clue was left behind. It was just… there. Now, as far as button boxes go, it wasn’t too terrifically evil. It didn’t have spikes or evil red lettering or ominous aura’s radiating about it, it was quite literally a bare minimum structure. If it wasn’t so dangerous, why would ponies be horrified of it? The answer would have been “suspicion”. Inscribed on the front surface were these words: Pointless Button. Warning: Pointless. Twilight Sparkle, who was the first to arrive on the scene, was surrounded by her friends who were either cowering in fear over the unknown object or not caring in the least. “Seriously Twilight,” Rainbow Dash blurt out as she looked over her companion’s shoulder, “it’s just a stupid button. Even the box says it won’t do anything. Why are you getting all high strung?” She levitated a magnifying glass out of her saddle and investigated the facing with it. “Because, it’s just too ridiculous for somepony to add this without any rhyme or reason. What if the box is lying? And if it is, what would happen!? Explosions? Parasprites? Discord!?” “Twi’, I think yer getting’ mighty upset over nothin’. I think somepony is just tryin’ to get everypony’s tails in a knot and it sure is workin’ on most of you.” Applejack tapped the front, making sure not to hit the button. “It’s pretty hollow and it doesn’t sound like anything’s wrong with it.” “But-“ “Oh Twilight, you’re so silly,” Pinkie Pie intervened with her usually unusual amount of pep. “Why not just press the button and find out! It’s like a surprise party! And if it really is nothing, then there wasn’t any harm in it. Besides, it’s not like we couldn’t handle any meanie pants that came out of there.” Genuinely surprised that her friend was being the voice of reason, Twilight took a deep breath. She swallowed a glob of saliva. She wiped her forehead to remove excess sweat building in her brow. Her chest was beating as her heart raced inside of her chest. Pinkie was chewing on some taffy, oblivious to the buildup of suspense. She lifted a hoof. Higher. Higher. Higher. There, it was button level. She gave her friends one last look of hesitation. Most responded with a nod of support or annoyance as if saying “just get on with it”. Forward, she pushed her hoof. Forward. Forward. Ever so slowly. It was resting on the button now. Just one push and it’d be over. Another gulp. Another deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Then, she pushed the button. And nothing happened. “Huh…”
Luna the Moon Horse♪Luna the Moon Horse.♪ “How did I get here?” The End. A/N: There’s no excuse for this chapter, but I bet it was the best eleven words you have read in your life.
Hello!There it was, sitting on a park bench with an impossibly happy smile, one of the most destructive and adorable creatures in all of existence. It was only white and black, just like all the other ASDf-ians visiting Equestria. Its shell was perfectly dome shaped with a button at the apex, its feet were at the odds and ends as opposed to somewhere closer to the middle, and its neck was drastically too long. All perfect characterizations of a design so simple yet still magnificently brilliant. Don’t underestimate the mineturtle, for underneath that disguise of cuteness was pure, solidified, concentrated, unhealthy evil (oh, and some explosives. Of what kind is still unknown, no one has yet gotten close enough without exploding to tell). But Pinkie Pie had yet to discover or be educated in these matters. In fact, she was already picking it up and placing it on her back and walking off with it, playing a back-and-forth game of hello tag. In fact, that’s all the creature seemed to be able to say. As of right now, the oblivious earth pony was already cantering to the library to show Twilight her newest friend. ___ “♪Oh Twiiiiiliiiiight♪,” chimed Pinkie as she opened the door and popped her head inside. “Look what I found! It’s this cutie pahtootie turtle I found on the park bench and he’s sooooo adorable!” Head deep in a large tome, the librarian responded inattentively, “That’s wonderful Pinkie.” “Oh Twilight, don’t be like that.” She came inside, wiped her hooves on the new doormat, and approached her favorite bookkeeper. “Look, he even speaks!” “Hello,” said the mineturtle in a delightfully high pitched voice. Twilight’s ears twitched, and a drop of sweat rolled down her forehead. “Pinkie…” she started without turning around, “does that turtle happen to be black and white?” “Yeah! I thought it was pretty strange too because I’ve never seen anything like it before but then I remembered that time with Zecora, so I said ‘Don’t judge a turtle by its shell!’ so I made friends with it before freaking out this time.” She shoved the animal in front of the unicorn’s vision to which it promptly greeted her again. “Pinkie!” she exclaimed with terror, “that’s a mineturtle! Those are really dangerous!” “Aww, he’s harmless. The only thing strange about him is that button on his shell. Maybe it’s a party button!” Twilight slapped Pinkie’s hoof away, preserving her and her library’s life/structure. “What part of mineturtle don’t you understand!? It’s an explosion waiting to happen!” “Like, with confetti?” “No, with bad explosions.” “Ooooh… well I guess we should tell Fluttershy that.” Twilight cocked her head sideways, mouth open in an “o” form. “Didn’t you hear? A bunch of them migrated out of the Everfree Forest and into her home.” ___ The bell hanging over the door jingled, signaling a customer. Rarity paused her current sewing job and practically sang, “be right there!” She ambled down the steps and into the main design room. “Hello.” The fashion designer was confused, she heard a voice but it was nowhere to be found. But, when she looked down, she found her most recent guest. “Oh what a simply adorable turtle you are!” She picked it up and delicately balanced it on one upturned hoof. “What brings you to Carousel Boutique? Need a new design other than that wonderful black and white combination?” And then, without warning, it jumped off, did a one-eighty barrel roll and pushed its button using the floor. ___ “Hello.” “Oh, uhm, hi there Mr.Turtle,” spoke a nervous butter yellow pegasus. “Hello.” She quickly turned around. “And hi to you too, Mr. Turtle.” “Hello.” To her left was another turtle, and to the left of that was another and another and another and… there was a lot. “Oh my, there’s so many of you.” “Fluttershy! Run!” screamed Twilight as they stopped at the foot of the bridge. “Those are mineturtles! If one goes off, your whole house could explode!” The bearer of magic did a quick headcount and according to her records… there were about thirty of them roaming her friend’s property. “Twilight, what should we do! Even with Fluttershy’s knowledge of animals, if she makes one mistake-“ “Right, I have an idea. Pinkie, go get your party cannon.” A human randomly walked up behind them wearing a bare-minimum superhero costume. “I’ll save you all! Tree powers! Activate!” *Pop* Suddenly, there was a giant tree. And, well, that’s pretty much it. “Uhh…” Pinkie shook her head in disappointment. “I don’t think he had a funny enough skit to get a chapter all to himself.” “Wait, what?” Without answering the question, Pinkie took off, leaving a stupefied Twilight standing on the bridge. ___ “I’m back with the canno-… oh.” Before her was a completely destroyed house, a singed Twilight and Fluttershy, and one bamboozled Rainbow Dash hiding behind the tree guy who had transformed. She had only left for one minute to retrieve the item and this is what she saw. “Rainbow Dash! What happened!?” “Well, I was practicing for a new trick where I fly with one wing closed and… it kind of backfired and I slammed into a turtle here. Thankfully, I happened to slam into the one with indigestion, giving us an extra second to barely escape.” “So… the tree guy really did save you three?” He reconfigured back into his human form. “Wow, I… was not expecting that to work.” “Well, I guess that solves the mineturtle problem then,” Twilight spoke aloud while wiping explosion residue off of her face. “Actually, I forgot where I put that first turtle I found earlier today.” “Waahahahahaaa!” *Boom* “Never mind.” A/N: To clarify about the Party Cannon, she says she never leaves without it. Fortunately, that's ambiguous in the way it's phrased. Does she never leave her home, Ponyville, or anywhere without it? I don't see her lugging that contraption around everywhere which is why it's a perfectly valid excuse to say she had to go get it. Feel free to disagree, but I'm canonically correct by a technicality.
Where or where not to perform.The stage was set, her fireworks were in position, and her hat was easily resting upon her great and powerful dome. It wasn’t like Trixie to perform out in such open spaces with only a lingering chance of an audience, but having ones reputation shattered like her old cart does things to a pony. With a sigh to match her title, she magically hoisted the last piece of her canopy. She had to admit, splurging some bits on the banner with her name in sparkling gold letters was definitely worth it. If that spectacle didn’t at least draw in their attention, she was unsure what would. “It’s been a troubling few months,” she congratulated herself, “but it’s finally over. My debts are paid, the cart is restored, and I can begin my expedition once more.” An old stallion walked by and observed the wooden contraption. His eyes widened as is his brain put two wires together. “Hey miss! You can’t perform here.” Trixie, standing in the middle of her mobile theatre, scoffed at the fool. Who was he to tell her she couldn’t do something. She was the Great and Powerful Trixie and by the power of the Alicorns, she wasn’t going to let some old coot tell her off. “You can’t tell Trixie what to d-“ BOOM.
Don't do the flop!♪My Little Pony, My Little Pony, Ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ahhhh♪ The man lined his bazooka up with the hot-air balloon drifting downwards towards the pony-rampant town of Ponyville. His lead officer, wearing nothing more than a cap, held out his hand in an order to halt the missile. Now wasn’t the time. No, this was someone else’s short chapter: The Flop chapter. This man was different than most ASDFians other than his unusual get-up and visors. He had the magic of immediate and powerful influence, a magic that was as rare as the talent of magic itself. Worst of all, this influential magic was held by one of the most party-seekingist people out there. Unfortunately for the denizens of Equestria, there was something even worse than the worst of all when this man was actually in Equestria. He was to be studied by the princesses, a decision later to be regretted in-full. Right now, where this chapter begins, Princess Celestia and Luna were in their stereotypical deep and dark dungeons that apparently all castles had to have along with their unexpected guest. He had been trapped inside of a soundproof magic block, but even when barely illuminated by the torches’ light, his presence was undeniably powerful. For each “Everybody do the flop!” he enthusiastically yelled while flailing his arms and legs in a nonsensical and anatomically breaking pattern, they found themselves becoming more and more susceptible to his brand of magic. Strains of sweat dribbled down their faces as they scanned the readings coming out of the Artificial Superfluous Demagitation Frequency machine. Every time he spoke, the machine would calibrate the princess’s vulnerability. So far, the graphs were showing devastating results. To their horror, no spell could break the enchantment the man had. It was as if he was made out of a different fabric o- Everybody do the flop! Ahem. It was as if he was made out of a different fabric of the universe. Princess Celestia paced around the room with corks in her ears, looking slightly down in deep concentration, occasionally mumbling something. Her sister kept her gaze focused at the machine, adjusting dials and nodes as necessary. “Sister, I have discovered that this subject repeats the phrase… sister?” Luna looked beyond her machine. “Sister. Celestia!” She pulled the mock ear plug out and faced her twin. “Yes, Luna?” “I have discovered that this subject repeats the phrase at exact intervals. Observe… in two seconds.” They waited. Everybody do the flop. “His adamancy to repeat that phrase is something to be admired… we cannot continue this much longer tonight.” “And we cannot leave him alone or else this barrier shall break.” Celestia sighed. She was right, it was a struggle just to get him inside of the flop. The dungeon. Her knees began to bend. She knew what was about to happen. “Celestia, are you flo-k?” No, she wasn’t ok. She felt like she was about to flop o- No, she mustn’t succumb to such things. “Ok, I think our research has come to an end tonight sister, you’re not well. We’ve been at this for several days. Everypony do the flop.” No! EVERYBODY DO THE FLOP. (BAM). Author's Note No one can resist doing the flop. No one. Do it.
Why won’t anyone eat me!?This is not a story of beginnings, but a tale of the end. The end of a talking muffin who wanted to die. It’s a simple story, a story so simple it will be finished in no more than five hundred and fifty words. The muffin walked through the town of Ponyville, having appeared in the Equestrian universe just moments after everyone in town had eaten a large, satisfying breakfast. He meandered, offering to be eaten as he wanted to die. Is that so wrong? Is that not food’s purpose? The muffin couldn’t understand why nopony would take him. Surely with their cartoon stomachs, they could expand their outlines a bit more to fit him. But it was not to be. Turned down, was he, by Twilight Sparkle. She said, “No thanks, Mr. Muffin.” And then the muffin said, “But I want to die!” It was so creepy and awkward that they sent him out of the home without a single word thereafter. The muffin stood on the doormat with the brave little smile of his and marched forward. Denied, was he, by the lovely Ms. Rarity and her sister Sweetie Belle. “I had just finished breakfast, but perhaps I could refrigerate you for later?” No, the muffin wanted to die now. So he left. He was also very impatient. Turned away, was he, by Applejack, for he was not a muffin with apple flavoring. And, frankly, Mr. Muffin didn’t like apples. Every apple he had met had been rotten to the core. Rejected, was he, by Pinkie Pie herself. Something about having a feeling, she said. Mr. Muffin had a feeling, that this morning was not going to be a good morning. He was starting to feel defeated. Considered and then forbidden, was he, to enter the sweet sanctuary of Rainbow Dash’s mouth. According to her concise reasoning, muffins did not go well with morning training. Yes, sitting on a cloud for hours on end required much effort, the muffin noted. Carefully considered and then passed, was he, by Fluttershy. She did not think it was fair if she had a muffin but none of her animal friends did. Mr. Muffin offered to split himself up, but the pony fainted at the very thought and a small white rabbit kicked him out. Mr. Muffin soon realized that if he could not be consumed by a mouth, he would have to be consumed by nature. He stood at the edge of the small river. It wasn’t the way he wanted to go, but it was definitely a way. Maybe some fish could take use of him. As he was going to step in, heaven from above called. A grey pegasus with a blond mane swooped down. “I’ll eat you,” she said happily. “I didn’t get a chance to see you this morning because I was delivering mail!” Mr. Muffin was elated. She held out her hoof and he gladly jumped on. And suddenly, glorious moments! Every bite into his muffin head was absolute ecstasy! He had finally reached his purpose! She gnawed, masticated, munched, chewed the living muffin out of that muffin. And finally, Mr. Muffin had died. “Meh, I’ve had better,” she said, shrugging her mail bag and returning to work. Author's Note I wrote this in half an hour to celebrate ASDF Movie 7. More to come soon!
HomeworkThe door opened, revealing a police officer and a too familiar tan colt shuffling a hoof in the dirt and looking away from his parent’s frightened eyes. Mrs. Cake couldn’t believe this was happening, her own son had been arrested for- oh, she didn’t even know what he had been taken in for! Loitering, drinking, drugs!? Oh, if it was drugs, he was going to be in so much trouble. She spruced up her mane ever so slightly, knocking out a tuff of flour. “Officer Pelt Skin. What happened? Is my boy okay?” Pound Cake snickered. “Pelt Skin? Was your father Foot Hoof?” “No, he was Al Lottery, the head founder of the Give a Griff’in foundation for all orphaned children.” Pelt Skin was not an officer to be messed with. His skin certainly was thicker than most. “Anyways, ma’am, I found your son doing…” Mrs. Cake bit her lip. “Homework,” he finished. Her vision was shattered glass and it fell to the floor. Her own son… doing homework. Pumpkin Cake trotted downstairs, popping bubblegum in her mouth and then spitting it into the cake her mother had just finished baking. She banged her head slightly to the music coming through her earbuds. “Homework!? But where did I go wrong!?” Pumpkin Cake laughed. “Why can’t you be more irresponsible like your sister, Pound Cake!?” His own eyes filled with tears. “Because, I want a good future and education!” “We don’t talk like that in this house, mister! You go right up stairs and waste time on the internet! And no online research databases. It’s video games or Wikipedia!” “But M-“ “Don’t make me sing the alphabet incorrectly.” “AHH!” He fled to his room and his sister slapped him once on the bottom as he ran by. “I’m very sorry ma’am.” Officer Pelt Skin took off his hat and held it to his chest. “I know you’re trying your hardest.” “I just don’t understand where he gets those urges to do good from.” She sighed. “You’d think he’d know better on opposite week.” “Speaking of,” Mr. Cake stepped in to the room. “I think my wife and I need to go have a chat with our son. Officer Pelt Skin.” “Mr. Cake.” The door closed. “Pound Cake! I don’t hear the sounds of Facebook up there!” "I'm Tweeting as fast as I can!" "Tweet harder!" Opposite week was not a fun week for Pound Cake. On the other hoof, it was the one week where Pumpkin Cake was normal! Don't do your homework, kids!
You're fat!Princess Celestia stood on her balcony. She was staring into the soon to be sunrise. It was peaceful, calm, and the perfect kind of- “You’re fat!” Luna cheerfully yelled as she flew by. And, y’know what? That was just like her sister. Time for another beautiful day. And to ask if Luna wanted to play “Catch the Knife” later. Author's Note Part 1 of 2. Woot.
They said I could never...Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo were standing near the precarious cliff in the mysteriously dangerous town of Ponyville. The polychromatic one was standing there, hair parted to her sides in an oddly poofy fashion as if she’d recently lost her marbles, taken a loan to get some more, and then lost those at an intense drunk gambling session in Las Pegasus. The day was the perfect day to show off her younger companion’s newly developed flight skills. Well, unlike stated before, Scootaloo technically was standing, but there was also a catapault underneath her. Specifically, in the concave section of the launching mechanism… tied up in rope. As to how she aquired such a dangerous device... that was in part to Twilight Sparkle who was too busy studying "magic colorization" to notice her friend checking out an odd number of construction manuals. “Ha ha! They said I could never teach a chicken to fly!” the polychromatic pegasus laughed with a slight air of insanity lingering in the tone of her claim. To be fair, I think anypony would have been a little chicken in this kind of situation, which justified her pleading. “Eeeeeeeep!” Rainbow Dash must have been delusional because she inherently smiled deviously, pulled the lever that sent her companion careening into the sky, and then cried dramaticly “No Scootaloo, No!” E e e e e e e e e e And she was never seen again until the fifth season.
