The rays of sunlight filtered in through the blinds, awakening Rarity from her slumber. "Good morning Opal" she trilled, giving her cat a quick tousle behind the ears, the animal grunting in acknoledgement. "I wonder if Sweetie Belle is up yet." she wondered. She went to knock on her little sister's door, when she noticed a note had been tacked onto it.
Dear Rarity,
Sorry for leaving without telling you, but we needed to get up early for our crusading. Me, and Scootaloo, and Applebloom, are going to be hookers today.
I'll be back in time for dinner.
-Sweetie
Rarity gasped, "WHAAAAAAATTTT???" She flew her fainting couch up the stairs, dropping it behind herself just in time to break her fall. "My precious sister is going to be deflowered by some nasty perverted stallion!" she sobbed, "what ever am I to do-o-o-ooooo?" She dried her eyes and steeled herself, "No, Rarity, this is no time for crying. you must go find your sister and save her innocence. And if a stallion needs to have his insides turned out, then you must be prepared to oblige! Now if only I knew where they were soliciting." She resolved to go to Sweet Apple Acres, maybe Applejack would know
"Well hodwy there Rarity, fancy seein' you at the rooster hour. Didn't take ya fer much of an early bird."
"Applejack, do you have any idea what your sister and my sister are up to???"
"Why of course ah do, Rarity, why, don't you?"
"Not until this morning when Sweetie Belle left me a note informing me of her intentions."
Applejack chuckled "Heh, she musta known y'all wouldn't approve o'her gettin' a cutie mark in somethin' so dirty."
Rarity couldn't believe what she was hearing, "And you do???"
"Rarity, me an' Bic Mac have been doin' this since ah was Applebloom's age."
Rarity stammered for a moment, unable to process what she was hearing. She gave her head a shake and replied "Well if you aren't going to put a stop to this, then I guess it's all up to me."
"Guess so."
With no clue where her sister could be, Rarity decided to make haste for the police station. Perhaps Sweetie and her friends had been brought in already, and just needed an adult to give them bail money and a good talking-to.
"Heya Rarity, you training for a race or something?" Rarity looked up and saw Rainbow Dash effortlessly keeping pace with her.
"Rainbow, you're close with Scootaloo, please tell me you know where she and my sister are?"
"Of course I do."
"And you just let them???"
Rainbow rolled her eyes, "see this is why I told Sweetie not to tell you. I knew you'd be a worry wart."
"Well excuse me for thinking that a big sister should keep her little sister from doing something she'll regret."
"Relax Rarity, I gave 'em a few pointers so they'd know what they were getting into. I told them everypony gets uncomfortable their first time; heck I almost threw up."
Rarity covered her ears, "please stop, Rainbow Dash"
"Somepony had to tell them about the side-to-side movement, and show them how to work the rod...WAUGH!" Rainbow cried out as Rarity's magic snatched her out of the sky and slammed her into the ground. Rarity crouched down so she was eye-to-eye with the prone pegasus on the ground
"I've had just about enough of your crude language and enabling behaviour. I'm going to ask you once. Where. Are. They?
"Uhhh my head." groaned Rainbow, but she regained her focus after seeing Rarity's death glare. "Isn't it obvious? They went to the docks to find some sailors." She squinted her eyes shut, ready for Rarity to shout or strike her again, but the flummoxed unicorn had already galloped off, kicking up a cloud of dust.
At the docks, Rarity saw Fluttershy, feeding a breadcrumbs to a few seagulls. Rarity sprinted over to her, scaring the seagulls away.
"Fluttershy, you've got help, it's an emergency!"
"Oh my, what's the matter?"
"Have you seen my sister and her friends? Please tell me you have!!!"
"I saw them a little while ago, but don't worry, I told them to use protection. It's lucky I had some spare rubbers on hand." She pointed to a pier in the distance, "They're over there, I think they were looking for some John" Rarity's pupils shrunk to pinpricks, and her left eye twitched. Applejack and Rainbow Dash, she could believe that those two forgot how to be civil, but Fluttershy too...
"Has this whole town lost all meaning of decency?!?!?"
It was just as she feared. Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo were on the dock, talking to a stallion dressed in a striped shirt and cargo pants. "STOP RIGHT THERE!" cried Rarity, using her magic to throw a nearby cargo net at the stallion, knocking him to the ground and entangling him.
"Galloping gallies, mare, what be yer quarrel with me???" he exclaimed as he futilely tried to free himself.
"I don't care if the standards of prudishness have progressed overnight, I refuse sit idly by and let you fillies become tramps, harlots, floozies, HOOKERS!" she snarled. She was breathing heavily, stopping to catch her breath for the first time since she'd woken up.
"Why?" asked Sweetie Belle, "what's wrong with hooking a few fish?"
"Fish," repeated Rarity. She raised a hoof, and then froze, like a sewing machine with a ribbon caught between the gears. "huh. Ha ha hahahahahaha!" she started laughing maniacally. "you were going fishing! And this whole time I thought...oh dear oh oh my oh dear." She wiped the tears from her eyes. It was only then she noticed that the three fillies were wearing raincoats stitched with pink butterflies, "Fluttershy's 'rubbers," she said. She glanced at the entangled stallion, "And I suppose this 'John' here is..."
"Long John Silver, at yer service. I be one of yer father's friends from vocational school. He dropped me a line sayin' his daughter an' her mates wanted ta go fishin' in the deep blue sea. I woulda dropped the anchor on our voyage, had I known ye were on choppy waters about it." Sweetie looked at Rarity with big sad eyes and curled lips
"Please Rarity? I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it. Please please please don't make me stay home!"
"No no, please, enjoy your fishing trip" said Rarity, using her magic to free him from the net. "Just from now on, Sweetie, tell me in advance where you're going, ok?"
"You got it Rarity. Tomorrow night, is it ok if we try being mares of the evening?" Rarity replied by swooning and fainting on the spot. The Crusaders looked at each other bewildered.
"Well, so much for our plans to be Batmare."
Author's Note
Inspired by the weird word using Featherweight, who was definitely trying to fuck with Pinkie Pie.
