My Little Pony Confessions

by StrandedGeek

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Main 6
Length: 2818

At the Classic Scoop Ponies reveal their strange secrets

This...is Fizzy Blend, Fizzy Blend works as a soda jerk at a five star Ice cream shop at Canterlot Castle called the Classic Scoop. Sometimes ponies stop in to a have a float, they share stories and even secrets for as we all know that what the soda jerk hears is confidential isn't?

(Parody version of Video Game Confessions)

Published 2015-11-23 05:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-01 04:10:28 UTC

Rainbow Dash & Fluttershy

This...is Fizzy Blend, Fizzy Blend works as a soda jerk at a five star Ice cream shop at Canterlot Castle called the Classic Scoop. Sometimes ponies stop in to a have a float, they share stories and even secrets for as we all know that what the soda jerk hears is confidential isn't?

Rainbow Dash-

So I’m standing there tending bar when all of sudden who came in I rarely see Rainbow Dash. Now as you can image she’s kind of big deal around Canterlot being the Element of Loyalty, but today she seems kind of confused sits down asks for a rainbow ice-cream float. So I fix her one, she pays for it but as she was enjoying it I could tell something was wrong.

She says, “You know it’s funny on how things work out.”

I said, “Well what do you mean?”

She says to me, “Well you know my one fan Scootaloo?”

I said “Ya.”

“She got the crazy idea in her head that I’m her mom, now at first I’m think her hero worship has gone up to eleven and I don’t mind if she was but then something odd happened.”

So I asked her “What happened? She went even farther than that?”

She shakes her head “Nah but it’s something she said about her teacher Cheerilee.”

I shrugged as I topped off her glass for her, she says to me “She told me that her teacher was her sister. Now I could kind of get it I mean the purple mane but she kept driving me nuts with this whole made up family thing.”

I said “Well you have to keep in mind both of you are very positive influence on her and...”

Dash interrupted “I don’t think you quite get it I’m the mom! I’m not responsible enough to be a parent I should be the sister!” She had point that does sound a bit odd. And considering she was upset I decided not to argue.

So I asked her, “So what did you do you?”

Rainbow says, “Well finally I took all three of us to doctor to get our blood tested I was putting an end to it once in for all!”

I was shocked "You actually got your BLOOD TESTED, Isn’t that bit extreme?”

Dash nods, “I know, I could have really hurt her feelings and I felt bad doing it but this had gone on far enough I love the kid really but I couldn't take it anymore.”

In someway I could see her point kids tend to takes things too seriously, well then I got curious and I thought I knew the answer but I had to ask, "So what were the results?”

She gave me a look, her eyes narrowed and said “Positive on both accounts.”

I stunned, “Are you telling me that not only is Scootaloo your daughter but also Cheerilee who is at least the same age as you?”

She shook her head, “I KNOW RIGHT? How does that even work?”

I just shrugged again. “Are you sure, did you get a second opinion?”

RD said with a glare “Try 16 I even had Twilight Sparkle the smartest pony I know do the test. All the same. I’m a mom of two kids one of them is my age somehow.”

I was puzzled I don’t believe how that was physically possible. She buried her head in her hooves.

I ask, “What did Cheerilee say? How did you all react?”

“Scoot was just stunned as the rest of us, Cheerilee is just as confused as I was but you know what the strangest part is?”

I thought it gets even stranger? “How can it get weirder than that?”

Rainbow took a slow deep breath, “I have never gone near anypony let alone Stallion to actually have one. I don’t ever remember having a kid nor...when you know.”

I had no words, there had to be some kind of mistake. I said to her “I don't believe it. There is no way one pony could have two kids without knowing about it. I mean even if the pony was drugged or something there is still no way a pony could go 9 months not knowing that she’s pregnant & deliver the kid. Let alone have kid that some how went through rapid ageing.”

Dash added on, “And apparently that last bit didn’t happen because even Cheerilee had normal foalhood.”

So I finally said “So what are you going to do now?”
Rainbow Dash sighed looked at her finished float and said “I’m gonna go sleep on a cloud wake up tomorrow and go help my family out.” She hopped off her seat and trotted out the door. I really couldn’t make sense of any of that. I mean there went a pony who realized she had an unusual family she only recent met and she was going let nature take its course. Wow. I guess for her being family means being loyal no matter how strange things get.

Fluttershy-

So there I am tending bar when who floats in gently as can be Fluttershy. I fix her soft served sundae she looks at it and says to me, “You know what’s special about glass?”

I said, “What?”

And then the next thing I hear she spoke again only it was different her tone just dropped several octaves, “You can always see right through it.” and her voice was hitting that bass tone she had it sounded like she could sing deep jazz.
I said to her, “Fluttershy what happened, did you run into a patch of poison joke again?”

She shook her no. She says to me, “I always sounded like this, the poison joke only made so I could only talk this way. I got used to talking so high pitched I forgot about it, the joke is that is that it make me reveal my secret because I’m scared by it.”

I said to her, “Well that’s unbelievable you’re tell me you’ve always sound like a guy? I mean are you really ...well… ‘Flutterguy’?” I was trying to be polite about it. She shook her head no again turning a little red. So I asked her, “So what happen? I mean you’ve sounded so high pitched before. How did you get it do that?”

Fluttershy said, “I’ve sounded like this when I was going thought puberty only a year after I got my cutiemark as if my braces weren’t bad enough.” She eats more of her ice-cream trying hide her face.

I had to ask, “So was this naturally or did some mean unicorn put a spell on you?”
She shook her head again and says, “No I...was born this way… I guess.” She was in starting to build up some tears so I gave her some tissues.

I said to her “So how did you get your voice to go up that girlish height did you get training for it?”
She nods, “Yeah I had few music ponies teach me, took me awhile to get friendly with the animals again. In fact it took me a bit to explain to Zecora what happened to me.”

I didn’t know what to say, I had to admit it did seem rather odd that such a sweet pegasus like her had such a stallion voice. I said, “Wow no wonder you’re so shy all the time now. I can’t image how you must feel about that. Have you talked about it to anyone, I know your friends would be more than understanding...”

She just looked shyly at her sundae “I don’t wanna talk about it. It’s awkward.”

I have to admit who ever taught her how to talk like a girl didn’t get paid nearly enough I mean that had to be their master piece.
I said to her, “Well maybe you should talk to them, and maybe you should do something with it you know you have an amazing voice you could do so much with it!”

She looked up and asked, “You...really think so?”

I said “Of course they have those Acapella bands you could join they thrive on ponies who can sing certain tones I bet a hundred bits that they would love a pony who could cover as much range as you!” She looked away again “Well...I don't know... I mean I don’t really like drawing attention.”

I said to her, “Ya know with anything else I can understand that but if your so miserable and embarrassed because of this voice then maybe there’s a part of you who doesn’t want ashamed of it and the only way your going to do that is if you do something about it, turn a negative into a positive. And you know what you really ought to do? Embraces it and do something different. Find a way to introduce people to that voice and be proud of it. My dad always told me when life gives you lemons make orange juice & leave everyone guessing how you did that.” He really did say that to me I never quite got that but it seemed legit to me at time. She looked at me and smiled paid for her sundae and floated off. A few days latter I heard some really beautiful singing. I don’t know if she ever got the nerve to tell the truth or not but I guess maybe it doesn’t matter how you’re heard so long as your heard.

Ya see a lot strange things as a soda jerk. You see lot of strange things the Classic Scoop. So I see a lot of strange things as a soda jerk at the Classic Scoop and that ain’t no lie Pinkie Pie Promise.

Author's Note

I know it makes no sense...that's the joke. And it's bit of a nod to G3 actually. With Fluttershy I wrote it and kind of forgot about it. After Filli Vanilli I decided I wasn't gonna post it but after re-reading it again I decided sure why. Tell me what you guys think.

Minty

This... is Fizzy Blend, Fizzy Blend works as a soda jerk at a 5 star Ice cream shop at Canterlot Castle called the Classic Scoop. Sometimes ponies stop in to a have a float, they share stories and even secrets for as we all know that what soda jerk hears is confidential isn’t?

Minty-

So I there I am tending bar when in walks a strange pony I have never seen before, Minty. Now Minty I’ve heard rumors about how she’s not from around here. She’s got mint colored coat with pink and white mane. She sits down and has a peppermint shake.

“This place certainly has changed hasn’t it.” She said casually.

“Change what do you mean?” I ask.

She says, “I mean everything, there guy ponies, we have ponies of all ages, and for once the fillies look normal, and…they actually act like intelligent ponies.”

I gave her a very confusing look, “What do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t really even know anymore. Where I came from originally we didn’t have any of that. I mean the mares I hanged out with…acted like foals. And…really not very bright ones either.”

I simply shrugged, “Well…I guess somethings do change.”

She sighs, “Yeah, weird thing is…some of the ponies I knew don’t even recognize me. And lot of them act differently, I mean Pinkie Pie still does parties but would believe she threw me a Welcome to Ponyville Party? She said she had never met me before. We were really good friends!”

Now I was greatly confused, Pinkie isn’t the kind pony to forget someone very easily. She dedicates her life knowing just who everypony is.

“And then Rainbow Dash she surprised me even more. I mean I always thought she always dressing in style but now suddenly Rarity is the fashion pony and Rainbow Dash is into sports and flying!” Minty adds. She drinks some more of her smoothie and looks up at me, “Did you ever…wake up one morning and… feel like you’re on the wrong side of looking glass?”

I said to her, “I actually know an Alice pony who could probably answer that better than I can.”

She simply shrugs again. “One really weird thing is…my cutie mark.”

“Your cutie mark?” I ask.

“Yes, I mean I like mint candies and it seems to match my name but…it really doesn’t have anything to do with my passion.” She explains.

So I said, “Well what exactly is your passion?”

“Socks, I love socks. I don’t know why, I just find them fun. There so many variety of them, I like making them, I love wearing them. And yet…I have mint candies for a cutie mark. Not even like Mint Candy looking socks.” She sighs.

Well I sat and thought for a moment and then I confessed to her, “Well not everything you do has to be around your cutie mark. I mean Cheerliee’s has a flower cutie mark but she’s a teacher not a gardener. She says that the flowers meant she likes to help foals grow and learn.”

Minty sighs, “I guess that makes sense.”

And then I added, “And me, I mean look at me. Ponies come in to vent like I’m some kind of therapist but I’m not. I’m just a soda jerk. Yet I happen to be very good at just listening to ponies vent.”

She pays for another mint smoothie, “Yeah…that is weird.”

“What you need to do is to go and try to find what your mark means again I guess. Maybe it has to do with the idea of being fresh. Like you like Fresh clean socks out of the dryer or something.” I suggested.

She says, “Hey there’s an idea: Minty Fresh Laundry service. I could make clothing smell minty fresh and that would bridge it together with my sock passion.

Well I thought about it and I actually thought that might not be a bad idea. But it did get me a little curious about something. I said to her, “Minty if I may ask…why do you like socks so much?”

She looks at me and says, “Do you honestly not know how important socks are? I mean really?”

I shook head and I said, “No not really…I have hooves we ponies don’t normally wear clothing.”

She grins and says, “And that’s part of it right there. Ponies for some reason wearing clothing especially long socks make them look and feel sexy. You could can do so much with socks. You can make puppets out of them, foals can look cute and adorable with them. You can fun organizing them, there are so many patterns and designs to them. You can sneak around the house with your padded hooves, you zap ponies with static electricity. And they keep your hooves warm. Honestly: I don’t know how ponies can overlook such a meaningful piece of clothing.”

I admit I didn’t really stop to think about it. I mean she’s right you could do a lot with socks. I said, “Wow, maybe socks should have been your cutie mark.”

She smirks and says, “I know…maybe I’m reaching too deep for this but I swear I might be on to something here. And just go with me on this one…what if: You could find the meaning of life in your sock draw. Think about it, you organize them in just the right way, color, size, style and the boom….suddenly the world makes sense to you.”

I thought for a moment and then I had to ask, “Do you really think if you did sort out your socks, that somehow that would help explain why you feel so…out of place?”

She shrugs and says, “I can only hope.”

Now I did here that Minty Fresh Laundry was going well but last… I heard of Minty she was severing time. Apparently she got a little too fresh with a royal guard and didn’t know when to put a sock in it. I guess we don’t know what we want for sure. Sometimes ponies want change sometimes they don’t. And sometimes you just don’t know what gonna pop out of the dryer.

You see lot of strange things a Soda jerk you see a lot of strange things at the Classic Scoop so I see a lot of strange things as a Soda jerk at the Classic Scoop and that ain’t no lie Pinkie Pie promise!

Author's Note

An Old G3 fan favorite which did actually get remade into G4. I thought it might be funny to include her. Who would you like to see next make a confession? Do you have an OC with some silly crazy story you'd like Fizzy Blend to share? Let me know.