Humility Counseling

Princess Celestia awoke at an early hour, as per usual. Unlike all the other inhabitants of Equestria and the lands beyond, she did not have the luxury of relying on the Sun as an alarm clock. Still, enough riots and coup attempts in her younger years had long before established the necessity of awaking early.

That did not mean she enjoyed it, though.

Grumbling to herself as she shuffled out from under the covers of Her Most Royal Mattress, she irritably walked down the mostly deserted castle hallways until she came to her sister's personal quarters. She promptly trotted inside, brushing aside the half-open door.

Following her own schedule, Princess Luna busied herself with coaxing the Moon down from its daily period of dominance over the sky, humming the tune of a recent popular song as she did so. Celestia shook her head silently, smiling in amusement. It seemed that even the mighty Princess of the Night was not immune from the ear worms of the legendary Whinny Hendrix.

"Good morning, Luna."

It had been entirely - or rather, mostly - unintentional, but Celestia's greeting startled her sister considerably. She jumped a full two feet into the air, letting out an adorable 'Eep!' as she did so. She quickly turned around to face her older sister, glaring at her with a look that would have perhaps been fearsome if her cheeks hadn't been bright red with embarrassment.

"Tia!!! You know I don't like it when you sneak up on me! Gah, I swear sometimes that you do this kind of thing on purpose..."

Celestia gave an innocent shrug, her eyes glinting mischievously.

"Oh, no. I would never do such a thing to my little Woomsies."

Celestia's use of the irritating pet name - one of many in her arsenal - caused Luna to snort with almost instinctive revulsion.

"Woomsies? WOOMSIES!? I am not some manner of small fluffy creature that you can call by cute names, Celestia!"

Realizing that Luna was actually getting angry at being played with, Celestia stopped her teasing in favor of giving her a sisterly nuzzle. Luna's indignation slowly melted away, until she looked up at her with a gentle smile.

"Hey, Tia?"

Celestia looked at her curiously.

"Yes?"

In an otherwise soft and friendly tone, and still smiling innocuously, Luna replied.

"I'm going to get you back someday, Sunbutt."

Several hours later, after Luna had retired for the day and Celestia had undertaken the now quite mundane labor of raising the Sun, the venerable Princess found herself sitting at the head of the castle's dinner table with only the most vague of memories as to how she had gotten there.

Shaking her head blearily, Celestia tried to guess from context as to what she was currently supposed to be doing. She noticed that there were several other guests at her table, presumably there for some kind of diplomatic meeting. She quickly recognized Fancypants and the magnificently bearded Caliph of Mareocco. To her dismay, she also recognized the petulant features of her most unfavored relative, Prince Blueblood, who sat across from the two.

Celestia rolled her eyes as she mused to herself.

"Why in my name is he here?"

It was only after Fancypants cleared his throat in a very deliberate manner that Celestia realized she had just been asked a question.

"Princess, did you hear me? I asked you about your take on the Caliph's concerns."

Celestia stared back at him with a dopey expression for a few moments before shaking her head profusely, as if trying to fight off a particularly stubborn infestation of mane lice.

"I am... terribly sorry. I must have drifted off there. Could you repeat the question?"

Fancypants seemed a little bemused by her lack of attentiveness, but carried on regardless.

"Very well. The Caliph is interested in an artifact called the Black Stone. It is greatly revered in his homeland, but has been lost to them for generations. Recently, however, his sources were able to discern the stone's location."

Celestia stifled a yawn.

"Yes? Where might it be?"

Fancypants exchanged an awkward glance with the Caliph, who quickly spoke up. His accent was heavy and somewhat difficult to understand, but the righteous indignation in his voice was nonetheless clearly evident.

"Your worthless nephew has used it to decorate his lavatory!"

Celestia's eyes widened in surprise. She had definitely not expected that. Before she could formulate an appropriate response, however, Prince Blueblood replied to the accusation, his tone laced with condescending pomposity.

"I beg your pardon? I am far from 'worthless'. I am one of the most important nobles in the entirety of Equestria, and you would do well to show me the respect I deserve! And besides, if you wanted to keep your precious stone so badly, perhaps you sand-nags shouldn't have lost it in the first place, hmm?"

The Caliph stood up from his chair, his beard swaying wildly as he pulled a jeweled scimitar out from under his robes and pointed it across the table at the offending stallion. The tip of the blade only avoided piercing Blueblood's arrogant neck by a few scant centimeters, but it was still enough to make him scream in girlish fear and fall back out of his chair, smacking into the wall behind him with an undignified clunk.

"You ignorant barbarian! I will not let you insult my people like this!"

The Caliph leaped across the dining table, displaying surprising agility for such an elderly stallion. He landed in front of Blueblood, hefting his scimitar in preparation to execute the sniveling prince. However, when he attempted to move his arm to deliver the killing blow, he found that he could no longer move at all. Instead, his entire body was encased in a thin, shimmering field of magic.

"That's quite enough."

Celestia's calm, motherly voice belied the deep sense of irritation she felt at having to play babysitter between two of the most powerful ponies in the land. Getting up from her seat and trotting over to the two, she suppressed the urge to sigh.

"My dear Caliph, while I sympathize with your grievances against my nephew, this is not the way to go about correcting them. We can, and we will, solve this dispute without bloodshed. Now please, calm yourself."

The old stallion cursed under his breath.

"Fine, we'll do this your way. Release me."

Celestia obliged, gently dropping the Caliph back onto the floor. He dutifully sheathed his blade, giving Blueblood an icy glare before sitting back down in his seat at the table.

Blueblood slowly got to his hooves, brushing himself off as he tried to hide just how humiliated he was. He and Celestia both returned to their seats, letting the table be overtaken by a brief silence before Blueblood awkwardly voiced a late reply to her previous statement.

"Uh, yes, of course. We must let cooler heads prevail, after all."

Celestia smiled at him politely.

"Blueblood? Shut up, please."

Shamed, the Prince wordlessly bowed his head. Meanwhile, Fancypants, who had remained a silent observer for most of the fracas, spoke up.

"Considering how much the Black Stone is clearly worth to the citizens of Mareocco, and... considering what exactly Blueblood has been using it for... I would suggest that Your Majesty consider removing the stone from the Prince's possession and granting it to the Caliph."

Celestia nodded.

"I agree. I will make the arrangements for the stone to be removed from Blueblood's lavatory and shipped to Mareocco at once."

Blueblood raised his head, clearly intent on trying to defend his property. However, thanks to Celestia's timely application of a magic field over his mouth, he was only able to make incoherent mumbling noises.

Ignoring Blueblood's struggles, the Caliph bowed his head graciously.

"I thank you, Princess. Your kindness will not be forgotten."

Celestia stood up from her chair, looking at both him and Fancypants.

"Now, I'm sure you both have many other important matters to attend to. And I must attend to my nephew."

The two stallions nodded, saying their goodbyes before leaving Celestia alone with Blueblood. She let out a deep, frustrated sigh as she appraised the Prince.

"I must admit, it confounds me that a descendant of Bucephalus could dishonor his legacy like this. You share your blood with one of the greatest warriors of all history, and this is what you have to show for it? Arrogance, spite, and no regard for the feelings of others?"

Blueblood tried to respond, but Celestia's magic still prevented him from doing so. Realizing this, she relented, allowing him to gasp for breath in a melodramatic fashion. She looked at him with bemusement.

"You are aware that my spell still allows you to breathe, right?"

Blueblood blushed awkwardly, scratching his mane with a hoof.

"Yes, of course I knew that! Why would you ever think I didn't?"

The Princess of the Sun strongly resisted the urge to smack her head into the dining table.

"Perish the thought. Now, we need to talk about your conduct in the meeting just now."

Blueblood made his trademark pouty face.

"It is not my fault that the Caliph acted like a complete barbarian. And I cannot believe you actually let that scruffy sand-nag run off with the stone! It was the centerpiece of my bathroom experience!"

Without uttering a word, Celestia slapped him across the face. It wasn't particularly painful, but being physically hit by one of the most powerful beings in the known world tended to have an effect regardless. Blueblood gaped at her in dumbfounded shock, barely able to comprehend what she had just done.

"Auntie... you... you hit me..."

Celestia recognized what was about to happen, and quickly turned away to avoid being blinded by the veritable geyser of tears that came pouring out of Blueblood's eyes, as if a Breezie had just pulled the fire alarm inside of his head.

Rolling her eyes and breathing in deeply, the Princess endured through her nephew's long and overblown sobbing fit, refusing to even look at him. Finally, seeming to realize that he wouldn't be able to manipulate her so easily, he stopped.

"Okay, fine, what do you want from me? What am I supposed to do to please you this time? Donate to charity? Kiss a few foals for the evening paper? Now that I can do."

Celestia slowly turned back to him, a disappointed frown creasing her face.

"I'm not interested in pointless publicity posturing, Prince. I want you to truly understand the error of your ways, and to change for the better. I want you to seek counseling."

Blueblood snickered, his reply laced with snide contempt.

"Of course, Auntie, I will do whatever you say. Send me to those six washed up sycophants you have instead of a proper army, and teach me the 'magic of friendship' so I can get back to my spa treatments."

Celestia moved in closer to him, gazing deeply into his eyes in a way that made him inwardly shudder.

"You will not get out of this, Blueblood. I have had far more than enough with your behavior. If you aren't able to shape up within a year's time, I am revoking your nobility status. You will be reduced to the rank of a commoner, with nothing to your name except the marks on your rump."

He gulped fearfully.

"You... you wouldn't!"

A glint of sadistic enjoyment flickered in her eyes as she responded.

"Oh, yes... yes, I would. And before you think you can simply lie your way out of this, keep in mind that I am no foal. I am not sending you to Twilight or her friends, nor am I going to entrust your treatment to just any mere counselor. No, such an advanced case requires a true expert."

Blueblood whimpered, his eyes quivering in terror.

"W-who?"

A grin slowly began creeping across Celestia's face.

"Oh, that's a surprise. Trust me, though, you won't soon forget him..."