Who I Am

by overlord-flinx

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Coloratura
Length: 3072

Rara "Coloratura" heads backstage after the Helping Hooves Music Festival to collect herself.

After her role in the Helping Hooves Music Festival, Rara "Coloratura" heads backstage to take a moment. In just one day, so many things happened to her. All of them life changing. She fired her manager, she changed her image and musical style, and she reconnected with her oldest friend. All of it being incredibly overwhelming.

The last time she felt so overwhelmed was...

A thank you to my pre-readers Tatsurou and Merc the Jerk.

Published 2015-11-24 16:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-24 16:50:01 UTC

Who I Am

"Thank you! Thank you!" The cries of adoring fans yearned for her to stay and continue singing, but Countess Coloratura -now Rara- had to bow out.

Even as she backpedaled off stage into the back, not a single one of her fans stopped their cheers for more. If she could have stayed, she would have; they knew that. But, sooner or later the other dozens of performances had to take the stage. It wouldn't have been much of a Music Festival if only one pony controlled the stage after all. Pinkie Pie and everyone else had put in so much effort to get the number of musicians they had; it would have just been selfish to keep going with her 'debut'.

It wasn't much of a debut now that she thought about it. It was as much a debut as a 'farewell concert'. Out with the old, in with the even older. Still, Rara was relieved with the response she received. Countess Coloratura could pack auditoriums -stadiums- in a single day, have all her albums sell hotter than hotcakes the moment they dropped. But Rara could make an audience wave magics of different hues in the air, stir emotions from everyone... Even herself. It had been years since she cried on stage. Svengallop had always urged her not to get so 'involved' with her music. "It makes your makeup run, Countess Coloratura" he would say.

Svengallop. How many years had it been since he took her in as a client? How many years had he been exploiting her name to bully people? It probably started happening when she had a name. When Rara became Countess Coloratura. Years ago.

"Wow! Wasn't that great, everypony? Let's hear it one more time for Count--I mean--Rara!" Even back behind the stage, Rara could hear Twilight Sparkle stirring the audience up once again.

And stir they did. Another wave of cheers and screams soared over everything; even a few whistles made it into the cheering. It may take her fans a good while to get used to their "Countess Coloratura" being "Rara" now. But, if tonight was anything to go off of, it wouldn't be a rough transition. As for herself... It would take some time for her to get used to it too.

She could still remember her time at Friendship Camp where Rara was just what she was called. There was no Countess; there was barely a Coloratura around her friends. Actually, maybe everyone called her Coloratura at camp and she never really noticed. After all, she only paid mind to one pony. The only other pony at the camp that made her feelings of anxiety fall away.

Applejack. When they were young, Applejack dubbed Coloratura Rara and Rara shorted Applejack to AJ. Looking at it now, AJ came out on top with the naming game there. It was still a name Rara held close in her heart... Both names. For the longest time, Rara used that name Applejack gave her to start her career in Manehattan. A small town pony with a new age name trying to make it in the big city; how could things go wrong?

"Keep up that same energy, everypony. Next we have for us the musical styling of Trixie and the Illusions!" The crowd grew remarkably quieter with their cheering, but perhaps that was just to simmer down for the show.

Rara knew the feeling of a sudden quiet crowd all to well from her first auditions in Manehattan. Since the day she was small, she had trouble with stage fright. The only reason she could ever sing when she was at camp was because of Applejack's support. When she sang at school recitals she had her family or teacher to anchor her. When she was Countess Coloratura she had... a veil. She never liked to admit it, but she never could stand to look directly into the faces of a crowd while she preformed. It wasn't something she could ever do. That's why she failed so miserably when she started out. No one gave her a chance since she couldn't belt out a single bar in a song in front of even three people. At least until Svengallop discovered her and devised a way for her to preform. Thus the Countess Coloratura was born; still singing behind a mask and afraid of crowds.

At least until tonight. Maybe it was her most dearest friend being in the audience, maybe it was the feeling of finally being free as herself, maybe it was her own music filling her ears; but when she looked to the crowd before and after the show... She felt safe. She felt like she was just like they were; nothing to make her any better than them.

She was just a pony. She made mistakes from time to time. For once, she and her audience could know the real her. Even if she had to put her heart out on the line, the magic in her heart felt more true then ever before. It felt good... It felt really good. And yet, she still felt so much was wrong.

Svengallop was her manager for years. He organized her every detail down to when the first CD would be distributed in the world. In all honesty, she never lifted a hoof when it came to making plans or concerts. Finding a new manager probably wouldn't take that long or even cost much effort. But as bad as Svengallop was to others behind her back, he did understand what it took to get Countess Coloratura where she was. Now she'd need someone to do the same for Rara. Even better in fact.

Another thing that did not sit well with her now was her background dancers. They may have been glorious stallion-candy for all the fillies and foals to go crazy for, but they were still great ponies. They never said much to anypony, even Coloratura, but they always meant well and supported her. After all, supporting her was their primary job on stage. Yet, they still found time to do the same off stage from time to time. And now they were most likely out of a job. Countess Coloratura needed hot hoof-meat dancing around to her songs, but Rara most likely didn't.

Maybe she should have took more time to consider what she was doing when she fired Svengallop... Maybe she should have consulted her dancers before she changed her image... And who knows what the guy who does the lights for her will do now. Looking at it now, Rara could see she was little too hasty. She probably reacted too much on emotion...

What would Applejack say? What would AJ do? She would hog tie that highfalutin Svengallop the moment she could and toss him out with the trash. She'd ask all those pretty-colt dancers and see if they could roll with a more subtle performer. Applejack would probably not wallow over all these details. AJ never stressed over anything. Nothing ever bothered her so long as Rara knew her. But...

Did she know Applejack anymore? The moment that question hit her, a chill surged up her spine. Countess Coloratura always wore a coat on and off the stage; Rara didn't. Now that was a change she'd miss in moments like these. Her mind started to darken at her newest thought and she felt like she had to take a moment in her trailer. Thankfully when Svengallop left, he did not take that with him. As gaudy as the massive golden trailer was, it did have a charm to it... And it was one of the few things she actually wanted as Countess Coloratura.

While she went to her trailer, she could vaguely hear the band back on stage suddenly stopping while the lead singer started yelling at the audience about something. Something related to her being great and how playing a guitar with hooves was hard. The audience could have started booing or laughing or even started cheering for all Rara knew; the moment she shut the sliding door to her trailer the world outside no longer existed. For now it was only her, a plush seat, and a bucket of mixed cherries. She plucked one out with her muzzle and popped it down into her mouth.

A red.

She chewed it up and swallowed it with a small cringe. She never could bring herself to like the red ones. Why did Svengallop even request a separate bucket of red ones when she'd only eat the yellow ones? He could have just said to only get her yellow ones and keep the red ones out of the mix entirely. Furthermore, how did they even get mixed together? Did Svengallop just break into the trailer and mix the cherries together to be rude? He could have just stole the cherries. Then again, that's all in the event he did mix them. Pinkie Pie or someone who put her cherries in here could have thought to mix the cherries together to save space. No faulting them for that she thought.

At Friendship Camp they'd have cherries by the bushel. That is if they could pick a bushel of cherries. You could have as many cherries as your heart desired so long as you went out and picked them yourself. The joke was on the camp though. There were no better cherry pickers at that camp than Rara and AJ. Every day they'd come into the mess hall gooey with triumph; baskets of cherries freshly picked for everyone right along with them. The only problem was that while AJ was a pro tree kicker and fruit collector, Rara wasn't. She'd be in a mad dash to always keep up with Applejack and wouldn't take time to distinguish one cherry tree from another.

Thus her baskets would always have mixed cherries. Even so, it wouldn't take long for Applejack to work her way through Rara's basket and separate them for her. It was childish, sure. But, Rara always appreciated Applejack was there to separate her cherries... At least she used to before they lost touch.

"Lost touch" wasn't the right phrase. Applejack had always sent Rara letters for years after their time at camp. And for the longest time, Rara sent letters back. It was only a few weeks into starting her career under Svengallop that her own writing trickled to a stop. Even so, Applejack kept sending her letters well after Rara stopped. She always wanted to send Applejack a letter after she started to make it big, but Svengallop kept Countess Coloratura busy on a sharp schedule until her name was worldwide. Besides, how would Applejack not know her Rara made it as a giant pop star? How many Coloraturas could there be in the world?

Even though Rara never sent Applejack a letter in those days, Applejack's letters never lost any spirit or had any ill will. Each one she sent would ramble on and on about the new friends she was making, the cute little sister she had that just made her world so bright, how her parents were no longer with them, and how much growing up she did over the years. Though, it still seemed strange that Applejack's letters kept finding Rara even after she changed residences several times... The wonders of the postage system.

Even if she never could get a moment to send Applejack a letter in return, Rara never threw a single one of Applejack's letters away. It was embarrassing... But, they always somehow inspired her. There was always something about the way they reminded her of her oldest fillyfriend that kept her grounded at times or would bring to her new inspiration for a piece. They way they were written, how they felt to the touch, the way they smelt of apples. It always brought her a moment of calm. That's why -even though Svengallop never knew- she kept them all neatly bundled together in her trailer. For those days when she wanted to remember where she started.

To remember a most dear friend. Putting a new yellow cherry to her muzzle, Rara started to hoof through some of AJ's old letters. Dozens of them; probably close to a hundred or two. If Rara took the time to count them all, she'd only get lost in memories before she could count over ten. Even so, one letter would always catch her attention the most. Unlike every other one that had been sealed in the usual manila envelop, this one was decorative. It was much like the kind you'd expect for a wedding or a royal banquet. Which Rara had become familiar with in both cases; everyone wanted a Countess to sing at their parties, even royalty.

But Applejack definitely was never married off and wasn't royalty. That would be something you'd learn after being bunk-mates with someone for a whole Summer. No, Applejack re-purposed the envelope from a letter she herself received. Just the way the envelope was partly damaged on arrival told her that much. But AJ wouldn't send her a letter in something like that unless it was important; that's what Countess Coloratura thought the moment she received it.

Looking at it again now in the comfort of her trailer as Rara, she could truly enjoy it. The very last letter Applejack had ever sent her old fillyfriend Rara.

Dear Howdy Rara,

Lets start out with the usual. You better be eating well. I know how Manehattan's got all kinds of fast fried, deep fried, batter fried (whatever that is) food that'll fill you up fast. But remember what I keep telling you: those fast fixings add up to some slow legs. Eat a good old salad or some fresh cherries. Just remember to pick the red ones out. I can't be there to inspect them all for you, so you gotta be a big filly.

And you better be staying on your hooves. A friend of mine says you can just take a cab-or-something to get around everywhere. You've got four hooves, Rara. You've got no excuse not to trot here and there. You were always right next to me bucking trees. I know you've got some good forelegs at least. My Rara could probably out gallop those cabs on their best day.

Sorry. I just worry some for you. I know you can take care of yourself as much as anypony else. You're a smart one. You're like my friend Twilight in that way. You know what you've gotta do and you know how to do it. But, like her, sometimes you lose sight of why you were doing it in the first place. You both mean well, but you get caught up in the moment. But, unlike her, I can't be there to give you a little kick to get yourself back in line. You gotta do that yourself.

Someday I just know your stars are gonna get in a line for you though. I mean, sure enough I'm just another pony. And like anypony, I make mistakes now and then. I'm just saying as long as you know who you really are, even if you throw everything you've got right in front of everypony to judge, it won't matter what they say. Just stay true to you, Rara. True to the Rara I know. I know I'm probably a lot of talk right now. Sorry.

I might not be sending any more letters after this one, Rara. Not saying anything against you. Sure you've got plenty you want to write back to me someday. And I'm sure I'll have a whole lot to write you next time I can. But life's really picking up now. Maybe that's why you can't write me back. You're life's probably excitement nonstop. Don't matter the reason.

Never stop being simply yourself, Rara. When you're simply yourself, you're the brightest star I've ever seen shine.

Yours,

AJ.

PS. You might notice this paper's a little messed up. Sorry. I was going to write something on the back but it didn't really pan out as nice as I thought it would.

PSS. Don't try to read what's on the back.

She had to read the back, of course. It was just too tempting. Even though Applejack erased it, pencil never really just goes away. It just gets a lot harder to read. That's why because she had to strain on the words to read them, Rara never forgot what Applejack wrote on the back.

I had a little idea for a song. I've got no talent for writing out music though, and I couldn't think of a whole song. But, hey, maybe you'll think of a way to make it work.

I can see all the colors right before my eyes,

And I hear my voice so clearly, I know it's right,

You can't be weak, you're always strong,

Can't take my world, it's just wrong,

No matter what, I'll just belong,

And I know,

I am just a pony,

I make mistakes from time to time,

I gotta be the real me,

And put my heart out on the line.

Applejack always had a way about her. A way that just brought something out of Rara. She made Coloratura sing all those years ago in front of her first real audience, she talked Countess Coloratura down to reality, she inspired Rara to be who she truly was deep down in front of all her fans. Applejack was always just that to Rara; Applejack. If not for AJ, she wouldn't be lounging in a fancy golden trailer while feeling wonderful about how her day went.

Perhaps Svengallop would come around one of these days and Rara could take him back on; maybe not. Maybe her dancers could take on a new role in her new "Rara" image; perhaps not. If those things didn't happen, then she made a few mistakes today. But, she was only just a pony after-all. Mistakes happen. She'd do what she could for all of them after everything they've done for her. Even Svengallop... Though, she might take her time with that one.

For now, Countess Coloratura needed to hang up her veil and platform hooves. And Rara had to have one more yellow cherry.

She always did love the yellow ones the most.