My Little Top Gear: Speed is Magic

by Atheron

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Princess Luna, Spike, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Crossover
Length: 3262

Twilight and her friends make a TV show about cars. Comedy ensues.

The Academy of Equestria is known for their technological innovations, and Twilight Sparkle has long been aware of their advances. So when she receives a letter from the Princess herself regarding technology that the Academy has made, Twilight is eager to explore the opportunities that open up alongside it. Fascinated by the "cars" she encountered, the Academy asks her to attempt to spread some awareness and use her influence to spread the knowledge about them. Twilight's stumped for a while before Pinkie suggests making a TV show, and with (almost) everypony's approval, they begin production almost immediately.

So fillies and gentlecolts, introducing My Little Top Gear: Speed is Magic!

Published 2012-06-04 10:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-04 10:04:02 UTC

The Offer

Disclaimer: I own neither My Little Pony nor Top Gear. Those are property of Hasbro and the BBC respectively. I also don’t own the names “Jeremy Clarkson,” “Richard Hammond” or “James May.” Those belong…well to those people.

~~~

Ponyville, Equestria

“Hey Twilight?” asked a small purple and green dragon.

“Zzzzzzz….” snored the purple unicorn mare in response.

“Twilight?”

“Zzzzzzz…..”

“TWILIGHT!”

“AHH! Nightmare Moon! Late homework! OVERDUE BOOOOOK!” screamed Twilight as she tumbled out of bed.

“Uh, Twilight? What was that?”

“Well they’re the most likely disasters to have made you yell to wake me up. In order.” Twilight told him crossly. “Is it any of those?”

“Well-“

“No? Then I’m going back to bed,” she concluded, curling back up and wrapping herself in her blankets.

Spike fumbled for a second before continuing. “But there’s a letter from Princess Celestia-“

Before finishing however, Spike was floored, the blanket falling onto him as the sheer speed generated by the unicorn buffeted him backwards in her rush downstairs.

He sighed. “I’ll tell her about the overdue book later….poor Rainbow…”

The speed-loving pegasus would soon have to put that speed to the test as she tried to outrace an irate Twilight Sparkle armed with pens and red ‘OVERDUE’ stamps. But that’s a story for later.

Twilight stumbled into the kitchen after tripping on a step in her haste, and by luck managed to land in a nearby chair. Glancing around, she saw the letter and grabbed it with her magic, ripping it open eagerly and reading.

She frowned and read it again, this time more slowly.

“Well that’s odd,” muttered Twilight thoughtfully.

“What is?” inquired Spike, walking into the kitchen and glancing over her shoulder.

“This letter from the Princess, it’s…. strange, to say the least.”

“Here, let me see.”

Twilight floated the letter over to Spike, and he cleared his throat and began to read.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

The Academy of Equestria approached me the other day with an invention created by one of their engineers, and it looked quite fascinating. After extensive research and planning, they’ve decided their final product isn’t quite ready to be unveiled to the public. However, they believe that a testing of their multiple prototypes would be a benefit, and thus came to me for advice.

Knowing you love learning about new topics, I decided to send them to you. They should have either sent a letter or a representative should approach you later today.

Your beloved mentor,

Princess Celestia

PS: You know those magazines I sent you? Could you send those back please? You know, the ones with-

“Okay, that’s enough!” interrupted Twilight quickly, levitating the letter from his claws with a slight blush on her cheeks.

“Well okay then….” Spike muttered, and looked up at her. “What are these ‘prototypes’ of?”

“That’s just it. I have no idea!” said Twilight musingly. “Wonder what they could be…”

“Well, the Princess said that they’d either send a letter or show up later today…why don’t we just wait and see?”

“I guess-“

Before Twilight could finish her sentence however, the doorbell rang loudly. Spike was once again cast aside as Twilight rushed to the door in both excitement and nervousness.

“Hello, welcome to the Ponyville Library!”

“Hello, is a Ms.…..Twilight Sparkle available?” asked the guest, a well-dressed, middle-aged stallion pegasus with a top hat and briefcase.

“Yes she is! Nice to meet you, Mr.…?”

“Jeremy Clopson.”

“Okay then Mr. Clopson, a pleasure making your acquaintance,” Twilight said cordially, extending her hoof.

“Please, call me Jeremy. My father’s Mr Clopson, and I’d rather not be confused for a half-crazy old stallion rather than the fine specimen before you today,” he said jokingly. Twilight smiled before ushering him inside to the library’s common room.

Spike came up behind Twilight and glanced in front of her. “Hey, who’s this guy?”

“Spike!” admonished Twilight. “That’s not how you speak to guests!”

“Oh it’s quite all right Ms. Sparkle. I’ve never had the luck of seeing a real dragon before…”

He cast a critical eye over Spike, who now shrunk away from the attention he was now unwantedly receiving. Unable to cope longer, he backed away slowly into the kitchen under his ever-watchful eye.

Twilight chuckled. “So, I’m assuming you know how to treat little colts and fillies?”

Jeremy nodded with a smile. “I’ve got three of my own in fact. But alas, I’m not here to discuss my children with you. Ms. Sparkle, as you’ve probably guessed, I am from the Academy and we have a proposal for you.”

Twilight unconsciously leaned forward and said, “I’m listening.”

“You see, we’ve recently had a team of engineers working on an invention they claimed would ‘change the way ponies travel, and they’ve just finished it. Here are some pictures,” he said, sliding a folder across the table. Twilight flipped it open and saw dozens of blueprints and scales, along with pictures of machinery. She turned it sideways…what was it?”
“I assume also you’ve never seen anything like it?” asked Jeremy.

“You’ve assumed correctly. I’ve never seen anything like it! What is it?”

“Well, it’s similar to a chariot and cart, but it’s not pony-powered. We’ve decided to call them cars. You know, sort of a shortened version of cart or something along those lines. May and Hammond in designing came up with the name…the bloody idiots. Everypony else thought it was a great idea...I swear, the directors of the Academy must be deaf as bats to think that was a good name.”

“What did you think it should be?” asked Twilight curiously. Jeremy trotted over and whispered into her ear.

“What does that even mean, anyways?” Twilight asked, perplexed.

“Obviously, you’re not old enough to understand. Anyways, it can be powered on multiple things, but the main ones are sunlight or specific kinds of gems,” informed Jeremy.

After hearing gems, Spike rushed out of the kitchen where he’d been hiding and yelled “NO! Stay away from my gems!”

Both the ponies in the room gaped slightly as he ran out bellowing. Twilight grinned nervously, then turned back to Jeremy. “What does any of this have to do with me though?”

“Ah, you see, we’ve been developing these for quite some time, and have amassed a multitude of different types, each with a distinct specification. These specifications can be anything from a minor weight difference to a completely different powering mechanism and handling style. However, as the letter from Princess Celestia I assume detailed, we aren’t comfortable releasing these to the public just yet. That’s where you and your compatriots come in.”

Twilight listened on, her face reflecting her interest, her eyes wide.

“We’d like for you and your friends to test the prototypes we’ve created and make it possible to reveal them to the public,” finished Jeremy, shuffling his papers with his hooves.

“Rea-Really? We get to test something that important?” questioned Twilight excitedly.

“Well, only if you’re willing-“

“I’m willing! I accept!”

“Well that’s that then. I guess our business is done then. I’ll alert the Academy to send the cars to your location as soon as possible. Probably by tomorrow,” Jeremy said, tipping his hat towards her. “Have yourself a good day then, Miss!” He pulled his briefcase shut, heaved it onto his back, and immediately took to the sky, bellowing “POOOOOOOWWWWWWEEEER!

“Um…okay. You have a nice day too!” called Twilight in return. She shut the door and slumped onto it with glee.

Spike wandered back into the room, having thoroughly hidden his gems. “Hey Twi, I hid my gems! You won’t find them and use them for your evil purposes!” he declared triumphantly.

“They’re underneath your bed, aren’t they?”

“Wha- What? No, of course not!” said Spike, slowly backing out of the room again before sprinting up the stairs and making a mental note to not hide things near his bed anymore.

Twilight sighed and yelled upstairs. “Now it’s under my bed, isn’t it?”

“No! I’m working on it!” a frantic voice responded.

While Spike decided to once again come back downstairs, satisfied he had hidden his gems well enough (underneath the lampshade, Twilight knew, but nevertheless) she told him they were going out.

“What for?” Spike asked curiously. “I’ve already gotten the groceries and-“ he glanced outside- “Equestria doesn’t seem to be ending anytime soon.”

“Haha, you’re a riot Spike,” said Twilight sardonically. “No, Mr. Clopson asked me to try to spread awareness about these new ‘cars’, so I shall do just that! But I’ll need some help….and when I need help, I need friends!”
And with that, she levitated Spike onto her back, and with a whinny, ran into Ponyville in search of her friends.

~~~~

“First stop, Rarity’s,” read Spike from his “List of Twilight’s Contacts in Case of: A) Insanity or B) Experimentation” as the duo went along their way. Soon, the door of Carousel Boutique appeared in their view, and Spike leapt off as Twilight knocked on the door.

“Just a minute please! Hold still Applejack, how am I supposed to sew this back together if you keep moving?” yelled Rarity.

“It’s not mah fault, it’s your goshdarned needle! Poking a pony kinda hurts- OW! What was that for?”

“Not being quiet when I asked you to.”

“But you never aske- Whoa there, why don’t you put the sharp needle down, okay?”

Twilight sensed this was a bad time for her to be there, so she yelled, “I’ll talk to you later Rarity! See ya Applejack!”

“Twilight? NO! Don’t leave me with this insane pony! She made me try dresses!” Applejack shouted in vain as the purple mare ran away. ”DRESSES!”

~~~

Sugarcube Corner

“Hi Mrs. Cake, Mr. Cake. Pinkie here?” asked Twilight while Spike had a mental battle between getting a cookie or cupcake.

“Oh yes, she’s upstairs dearie,” responded Mrs. Cake while Mr. Cake hoofed Spike a cookie and cupcake.

“Thanks!” Twilight told them as she bounded upstairs to Pinkie’s room and rapped on the door. Or was about to, before the door opened and she accidentally hit Pinkie in the face.

“Ouch!” said Pinkie in a somewhat nasally voice afterwards.

“Sorry Pinkie! I didn’t know you were going to open the door!”

“Oh its fine Twilight, I planned ahead!” And with that, she walked back into her room and pulled out a strange bandage and put it on her nose, instantly fixing it.

“Ah, that’s better!”

“What was that?” asked Twilight curiously.

“What was what?”

“That…thing you just…oh forget it. You mind coming with me to the library for a little group meeting?”

“Oh sure Twi, just let me tell Mr. and Mrs. Cake!” Bouncing down the stairs and into the kitchen, Pinkie yelled, “Mr. Cake! Mrs. Cake! I’ll be with Twilight, okay?”

“Okay!” “Got it!” called back Mr. and Mrs. Cake.

Pinkie trotted over to Twilight and Spike, flashing a thumbs up, blatantly disregarding the laws of physics and ignoring the fact that they didn’t have any fingers. They left Sugarcube Corner, and Twilight asked, “So, where now?”

“Fluttershy’s,” responded Spike, rolling out the list and checking off Pinkie’s name.

“Wonderful,” said Twilight, galloping down the street with Pinkie in tow towards Fluttershy’s little cottage on the edge of the Everfree. Coming up to it, she rapped on the door with her hoof. She was soon met with a ‘Coming!’ and a butter-yellow pink-maned pegasus opening the door.

“Hey Fluttershy!” greeted Twilight and Spike.

“Sup’ Flutters!” said Pinkie.

“Hello girls!”

Spike coughed audibly.

“Oh, and Spike! How are you doing?”

“Good! But it just got a lot better!”

Twilight then proceeded to explain the day’s happenings to Fluttershy, who surprisingly enough, was eager to go along. “So you’ll help?”

“Of course I will! This sounds like an amazing time, and I don’t want to miss a thing!” replied Fluttershy eagerly.

“Well then welcome to the team. We’ll just grab Rainbow Dash and circle back to Ponyville for Rarity and Applejack, and then we’ll be all set!”

“YAY! Fluttershy’s gonna be on TV with us!” squealed Pinkie Pie.

“Wait, TV? I thought you said we were helping with the “car” things?” asked Fluttershy nervously, beginning to back away.

“Yeah Pinkie, when did we come up with that idea?” asked Twilight as well, turning towards the hyperactive party pony.

“Just now! It makes sense! You want to have everypony see how amazing these ‘cars’ are, and what’s the best way to do that besides giving one to everypony and making a huge mess is to show everypony at once through the magic” –she moved between Fluttershy and Twilight, placing a foreleg around Fluttershy and waving the other one towards the horizon- “of television.”

Twilight mulled that over for a bit. “Hmm…you may have a point, Pinkie. That could be both a simple way to reveal them to the public as well as the least amount of effort on our parts.”

Oh, they didn’t know what they were getting themselves into back then. But let’s continue.

Fluttershy whimpered. “But I don’t want to go on TV…”

“Too late! You agreed!” said Twilight, levitating Fluttershy and placing her on Pinkie’s back.

“Aww........”

~~~

A short walk later, Spike spotted the tell-tale rainbow mane and pointed out Rainbow Dash, high up on a cloud over Sweet Apple Acres.

"Rainbow!” yelled the group. Well, most of the group. Fluttershy was incapacitated at that moment.

The high flying pegasus spotted her friends and swooped down from her favorite napping cloud.

“Hey guys!”

“Hey Rainbow!”

“So….well, I’d normally ask what’s up, but I’ve noticed you’ve strapped Fluttershy to Pinkie’s back. Any comments on that?” asked Rainbow.

“Well-“ began Pinkie, before Twilight interrupted.

“She tried to escape.”

“Escape what?” pressed the rainbow pegasus.

Everypony remained silent. That is, except Fluttershy, who squirmed at her bonds and tried to speak through her gag, but it was unsuccessful. She began to look at Rainbow with pleading eyes before Twilight turned towards her and stood between the two.

“Nice try Fluttershy, but you can’t pull the old “I’m an innocent pony who’s been wrongfully incapacitated by her best friends and hauled onto one’s back and being forced against their will to go on TV” look. No pony is going to fall for that,” said Twilight, rolling her eyes.

Rainbow Dash however, looked torn between helping her friend out or helping her other friend subdue said first friend.
Twilight noticed, and tapped her horn with her hoof. “Magic versus speed….I’d like to see how that would turn out.”

Rainbow was never one to turn down a challenge, but this wouldn’t even be a challenge. Twilight would instantly catch onto whatever she was doing and easily subdue her.

“Fine…” muttered Rainbow. “Why are you here again?”

“Ah! Well, we came here to invite you over to the library. We’re going to apparently be putting on a TV show, and-” Twilight asked.

Rainbow interrupted her and squealed as she clapped her hooves together. “On TV? In front of millions of ponies?” she squealed, floating above the group as they began to make their way back to Rarity’s boutique. “I accept! Yeah, I’m gonna be on TV! All right!”

“Don’t you even want to know what it’s about?” Twilight asked.

“Of course not Twilight!” Pinkie said. “Dashie’s too busy imagining the Wonderbolts seeing her on TV and wanting her on the team!”

Rainbow Dash shook herself out of her daydream and stared at Pinkie Pie. “How’d…how’d you know that? GET OUT OF MY HEAD!”

Pinkie only laughed.

After a few seconds of Pinkie calming Rainbow down through a mixture of Pinkie Sense explanations and cupcake frosting, Rainbow’s excitement returned quickly.

“Wow! This is going to be awesome! Being on TV in front of tons of ponies all over Equestria?”

Twilight noticed Fluttershy’s squeak of fear and subsequent shudder. Fluttershy began to wriggle more, trying to loosen her bonds.

“Ugh….Fluttershy! Rainbow Dash, can you help me out here?”

Rainbow saluted and flew to the ground, trotting next to Fluttershy. She put her hoof on the other pegasus’ shoulder and said, “Fluttershy, Fluttershy….can’t you see the opportunities? We could be on TV….have millions of ponies see us and know our names!”

Fluttershy vigorously shook her head in denial, and her eyes said everything. DO NOT WANT.

“Plus, you made me go to that bunny convention last week. And we know how that turned out,” Rainbow said flatly. Fluttershy groaned and gave a reluctant nod. Rainbow leapt into the air.

“YES! LET’S GO MAKE A TV SHOW!”

“Ahem!” coughed Twilight.

“Oh yeah….after we get Rarity and Applejack!”

And so they went.

~~~

“Rarity! Applejack! Come on, where are you!” yelled Pinkie as she banged on the door. Crashes and clangs echoed in response, followed by a shrill “Coming!”

Everypony stepped away from the door, and for good measure, because soon Rarity crashed through it in a heap, her legs tied together with rope.

“Pinkie! Twilight! Girls, can you help me?” she asked desperately.

“With what?” Twilight inquired.

Rarity gestured with her head towards the boutique. “That!”

Applejack stormed out of the boutique and yelled “Rarity! Where are you? This won’t hurt…too badly.”

She spotted the white unicorn and leapt, only to be held in midair by a purple aura of magic.

“Twilight! Let me down!”

“Not until you stop trying to attack Rarity! Now, what happened?”

“She kept poking me with her needles! Way more times than was necessary! And it hurt!”

Twilight spared a glance at Rarity, her expression saying ‘Really?’ Rarity shrugged half-heartedly.

Twilight sighed and lowered Applejack to the ground, but didn’t release her. “Hey Applejack, I need both you and Rarity to come with me though, and to do that, I need both of you intact.”

“Fine…but only if she apologizes!” demanded Applejack.

Twilight turned, and Rarity let out a theatrical sigh and said, “I am so so sorry for poking you with needles Applejack.”

Twilight turned back, and Applejack nodded. “It’ll do,” and untied Rarity.

“Thank Celestia…” murmured Twilight.

Spike checked off the last two names, and shook Twilight’s shoulder softly. “We’re done,” he said.

Before they could head off however, Rarity tapped Twilight and asked, “So exactly what are we doing at your house?”

“Yeah….you never really did explain that sugarcube,” Applejack threw in.

“Oh I didn’t? Well we’re going to make a TV show, and I want all my friends to help me with it!”

“Really? Sounds wonderful! I’ll be able to show off my designs to the entirety of Equestria!”

Applejack had a less than enthusiastic response. “Well, as long as this doesn’t take too much time away from the farm, I’m in, I guess.”

Twilight clapped her hooves in happiness. Everything was coming together so far. She then cried out, “Alright, back to the-“

“Back to the library!” interrupted Rainbow Dash. Twilight cast an annoyed look her way, but she shook it off. “Hey, I say it better and you know it.”

“That doesn’t even explain how you knew I was going to say it!”

“Doesn’t matter; got it right!”

The six mares and Spike began to walk back towards the library, but not before Fluttershy made her move and attempted to roll away. She was immediately surrounded with a purple magic aura, and sighed. Twilight scoffed and whispered to Rainbow Dash. Rainbow nodded and grabbed Fluttershy’s firepony style, carrying her towards the library.

“NO! We are going to the library! Come on everypony, let’s go!”

~~~

And that’s the first chapter of my new story!

Hope you liked it! I’ll probably be introducing the mane cast of the show next chapter.