The Troll Squad

by Witching Hour

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Spitfire, Random, Slice of Life, Wonderbolts, Alternate Universe
Length: 20559

Squad 12 is generally professional in all their endeavors... But with a particular emphasis on Trolling and *Barely* Toeing the Line.

No power in the 'verse can stop them. They live for flying dangerously, and trolling the ever-loving life out of everypony they meet.

Much to Captain Spitfire's annoyance, Squad 12's antics never cross the line into Violations... The best she can do is simply not feed the Trolls.

That doesn't mean that others aren't going to feed them...

This is a collaborative effort between myself, Sylvian, Jim Hoxworth and Zoljen, using our alternate OCs.

Moonbow is mine, Sunshower is Sylvian's, Azure Star is Zoljen's and Bear Claw is Jim Hoxworth's.

Advisory: This story will contain massive amounts of crude humor, feigned incest, shamelessness, and unadulterated crack that comes from writing in the wee hours of the morning in the delusional throes of fatigue. This story will NOT contain any significant amount of plot, unless you count these crazies flaunting their rear-ends at ponies.

Cover image is a cropped screen capture from MLP:FiM Season 3, Episode 7, Wonderbolt Academy, and rather appropriately captures Spitfire's expression while dealing with Squad 12.

Published 2015-12-01 02:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-13 01:04:37 UTC

Pt 1 Outtake - Plan C in Manehatten

“Oh no… He’s gonna get kicked out again…” Moony groans, her brow furrowed in annoyance. Beside her, Sunny looks across the bar to where Third Commander Lightning Streak was making several passes at a very attractive unicorn mare serving drinks around the club. While the mare seems to be handling herself well enough, the scowl on the stallion behind the bar’s face, and the stallion’s eyes following Lightning Streak’s failing progress in wooing the mare are the telltale signs of the coming eviction.

“This has to be a new record,” Sunny sighs, taking another sip from his drink. “We’ve been here, what, a half-hour?”

“Twenty-two minutes…” Moony corrects absently. “Dammit… I wanted to have some fun before we had to pull the press train…”

“I know! An hour would have been at least the decent thing to do,” Sunny laments, shaking his head. “But, I guess there is no rest for the wicked, as they say.”

Sighing heavily, Moony rises from her seat, putting enough bits on the bar to cover her twin’s and her own tabs. “The Show does go on…” she agrees as Lightning passes behind the pair, still relentlessly pursuing the surprisingly composed mare.

"I may not be able to give you wings, but I can certainly make you feel like you're flying!" Moony can only cringe at the commander’s futile attempts, and cringes again as the stallion who’d been watching Lightning’s efforts the entire time slams his hoof down on the bartop.

“That’s it!” the bartending stallion shouts, quickly coming around the bar and out into the main area.

“How far do you think Commander Derp will fly this time, sis?” Sunny asks with a sad smile.

“Through the front doors, at least. Better get there first so the cameras don’t notice,” Moony responds, pulling her brother in that direction.

“Well, then we’d best put on a convincing show,” Sunny chuckles, putting a wing over his sister and pulling her close. She leans into him, rubbing her cheek against his neck as she puts on a mask of drunken happiness, bringing a rosy color to her cheeks. “And here I thought you could hold your drinks, missy.”

“Oh Shunny… I’m ffff-fine,” Moony protests with a pronounced slurring of words even as she smiles, looking up at him with green eyes glittering from amusement behind a veil of adoration.

“No, no really I think you’ve had far too much, my love,” Sunny admonishes Moony in a loving tone as he pushes open the doors to the club and leading them into the cool night air. “We really should get you back to the hotel, and to bed.”

“C’mon, Shunny… I didn’ have tha’ much! I wanna dance!” she complains even as she staggers and almost trips over her own hooves in an attempt to turn her brother around and head back inside.

“Moonbow,” Sunny starts sternly. “You are in no shape to dance!” He pulls her back up straight and keeps her on course, even as the blinding flash of bulbs start to assault them, quickly followed by shouts of ‘look over here,’ and ‘give her a kiss!’

“I know one dance I can manage,” Moony retorts, her eyes fixing on his with a sly smile on her blushing face.

“I don’t know, dear heart,” Sunny stage whispers loud enough for the reporters, and really everypony nearby, to hear. “Here, in public? What would ponies say?”

“Eeeeeeeh… Let ‘em-” she starts to respond with a shrug, but she ‘accidentally’ trips her twin, sending them both tumbling to a heap on the sidewalk. Moony makes a small squeak as Sunny lands on top of her, and her cheeks burn crimson through her muted violet coat.

Grunting slightly as he rolls off of his twin, Sunny quickly comes around and helps Moony up, pulling her into his arms as he gazes longingly into her eyes as he gently brushes a loose lock of her blond mane out of her face with a hoof. “Are you alright?” His voice is soft, as if the only thing that matters in the world right now is situated in his arms.

“I’m fine,” Moony sniffles, tears forming in her eyes. “I jus’ wish the night hadn’ been ruined!”

“What do you mean?” Sunny inquires, a smile forming on his face that causes a few of the mare reporters to almost swoon at.

“I… I jus’ wanted you to have fun,” Moony explains as she lowers her eyes from her twin’s. “Instead I got drunk, and… and then I tripped you!” The sniffling turns into soft, drunken crying the sight of which causes Sunny to pulls his twin close again, laying his head against hers.

“Oh, Moony,” Sunny coos, rubbing her back gently. “How could my night be ruined when I spend it with the mare I love most in the world.” Looking up slightly, he spies the door to the club open again, this time to allow Fire and his own actually drunk twin to escape into the night air. Winking slightly to the captain of squad three, Sunny smiles and leans back slightly to lift his sister’s face from his chest. “Now, moon of my soul, let us dry those tears, and get you back to the hotel.”

Sniffling, Moony’s own face breaks into a shaky lopsided smile. “O… okay,” she hiccups, wiping the tears from her face with the back of a hoof. “But… if I fall again…” she trails off, looking ashamed.

“Then I will carry you, dear,” Sunny finishes as he helps her to stand again.

“Cap… What the hell did you two do outside? We never got mobbed that bad before about what you two supposedly do behind closed doors!” Azzy asks as she returns to the room she shares with the Squad 12 Captain. Not long after there’s a knock on the door to the adjoining suite, which the blue pegasus quickly opens, allowing both Sunny and Bear Claw to pile through.

“Maybe a little more than the usual…” Moony admits, smiling coyly as the stallions make themselves comfortable in the room and Azzy falls over onto her bed.

“I admit, it was perhaps one of our finest performances,” Sunny sighs, putting a hoof to his chest. “But then, it really had to be considering who we were drawing attention away from.”

“Please, Sunny… We both know I was leading the dance… You were just following… Everypony knows the lead gets all the credit,” Moony retorts teasingly.

“Oh, dear sister, always the humble one,” Sunny chuckles.

“So… Bets on what Hotpants’ reaction’s gonna be?” Bear Claw queries, looking up from his take-out box with yellow-green stains permeating the paper, clearly indicating the primary spice in its contents as curry.

“Ten bits says she reads the headlines and blows steam out her ears,” Sunny smirks.

“Twelve says she calls you two into her office again,” Azzy rolls her eyes, her own smirk growing.

“Fifteen for all of the above, but you get off with a slap to the hoof,” BC says around a mouthful of noodles.

Moony just smirks. “I’m not betting… Because she’s gonna call us into her office like always, try to read us a riot act, as she usually does, but give up around half-way through because Sunny and I will be putting our actions in perspective… Like we do.”

“You really know how to take the fun out of it, Moony,” Sunny sighs as he shakes his head. “Guess that’s why you’re the captain!”

Author's Note

And here we have the reason Moony and Sunny were called into Spitfire's office... :pinkiecrazy:

Co-written by Witching Hour and Sylvian.

Pt 2 - Lieutenant Azure Star vs. Second Commander Blaze

“You know, I'm regretting this selection for today.” Captain Spitfire looked at the assembled ponies in the battledome. She had assembled Squads Two, Six, and Twelve for some combat practice today. She let out a sigh as she glared at Squad Twelve.

“What?” Captain Moonbow grinned. “We haven't done anything.”

“...Yet,” Sunshower finished with a grin.

“That's what I'm afraid of. Think you four can behave this time?” Spitfire started to shake up the raffle bowl.

“Yes ma’am!” The squad in question said at the same time with a salute, and a grin. Spitfire just looked at them with a raised eyebrow.

“All right, first round is…” She pulled out a card, “Blaze.”

“Aww yeah!” Blaze grinned and trotted over to the padded armor. “Who do I get to fight today?”

Spitfire let out a soft sigh. “Azure Star,” she responds as she held up another card.

High Winds let out a yawn. “Don't mess her up too badly, Azzy.” She paused to yawn. “We have plans later.”

Azure Star just grinned widely. “That's entirely up to her, but I know she likes it rough.” She trotted over to the armor and started to put it on while Blaze glared at her. After the armor was strapped on, they both trotted out as Spitfire followed.

“Okay, you both know the rules. Five minutes, five count for a pin, or a knockout. Just don't burn the battle dome down... again... We clear?” She glared at the pair.

“One time! Seriously!” Azure Star groaned, then grinned to Spitfire. “She started that flame war anyway.”

“I did not!” Blaze growled. Spitfire sighed and took a few steps back.

“And, begin!” She bounced back and watched as Blaze quickly took the air, charging directly at Azure.

“I'm fairly certain it was your fiery attitude that started it, Blazey,” Azure calmly remarked as she watched Blaze throw the first punch. Azure deflected it and kept on deflecting swing after swing from the enraged mare. “I recall the words, ‘I can make mine bigger,’ but I didn't take you for a size queen!” Blaze growled and kept up the rapid punches as Azure kept dodging or blocking swings with ease. “You know, if you put that much energy into actually fighting, you might be better than Silver, or dare I say, Spitfire!”

Off to the side, Silver nodded slightly. “She’d be right.”

“And when are you going to actually fight?” Blaze demanded as she kept up the rapid assault, and Azure just continued to deflect blow after blow.

“My grandpa always said to wait for an opening, like this.” Azure ducked down to dodge a swing and quickly spun so she was at Blaze’s side. She quickly punched both her hooves forward into her side, then bounced away and stood up with her arms raised defensively, and wearing a grin. “See?”

Blaze slid a little from the attack, but soon resumed the rapid blows again. She eventually got countered again, this time Azure going to her right. Azure landed two more blows before bouncing behind Blaze. Blaze growled and turned to where Azure was standing, only to be confused.

“Where did you go?” Blaze looked around quickly, even turning around fully.

“Why does nopony ever look up?” Blaze heard from above her, before something slammed her to the ground. “Must be because you like being under a pony, huh?” Blaze fumed and tried to shake Azure off of her, only to fail as Azure kept her wings pinned and held her down. Blaze wiggled enough to free an elbow and smack it across Azures face, knocking her off.

Blaze quickly sprung up and pinned her to the ground. “Ha, pinned ya!” she growled as she kept the mare pinned to the ground.

“Aww, Blazey, I knew you liked me! But really, in front of all the others here? Sunny, put those wings away!” Blaze looked over at the confused stallion on the sidelines, and Sunshower glanced over his shoulder.

“But they aren't… Oh!” he protests before the realization finally struck home as Azure took the moment of Blaze's hesitation to knock her away. She bounced off the ground quickly and brought her hooves up to block a swing from Blaze as the enraged mare resumed the attack. Azure ducked under another swing as Blaze flew over, then quickly stood up and rammed her wings into Blaze’s stomach, knocking the wind out of her and making her tumble to the ground.

Azure pounced on Blaze again and kept her pinned to the ground. Spitfire started the countdown again, with Azure simply grinning down at the fuming Blaze.

“And that's five. Azure is the winner,” Spitfire announced as Azure bounced up from pinning the mare. She grinned as Blaze quickly stood up and looked ready to take another swing, but stopped herself and sighed.

“Not worth it,” she grumbled and started walking away.

“Awww,” Azure whined as she followed.

Spitfire just shook her head as she shuffled the bowl again. “And for the next round.” She fished into the bowl, pulling out a pair of cards, then grinned evilly. “Moonbow, and Silver.”

“Horse apples…” Sunshower cursed, giving his twin a consolatory pat on her shoulder. “Moony, my dear, I will miss you.”

Silver grinned and cracked his neck, looking over at the wide-eyed mare as she cursed under her breath. “This'll be good.”

Author's Note

Azure, being the combat specialist in the Squad, tends to be less of a troll, and more of a taunt, luring her target opponent into making mistakes. :trollestia:

Stay tuned for the chapter featuring Bear Claw!

Pt 2 Outtake - Captain Moonbow vs. Second Captain Silver Lining

Still grumbling curses and oaths to figure out a way to rig the lottery, Moony trudges over to the starting line, facing her fellow Captain as though staring down her own executioner.

“I don’t suppose mentioning that I still have a limp from the last time would get you to go easy on me…” Moony calls across the field at her smirking opponent, clearly certain that the opposite would hold true.

“Nope.” Silver keeps his smirk as he pops his neck.

“Alright,” Spitfire calls out as she stands between them. “You know the rules; knockout, pin to a five-count, or actually last the full five minutes.” She says the last as she glances towards Moony, before looking towards Silver. “Try not to break her too badly this time.” She bounces away after that, yelling out, “Begin!”

Silver waits a few moments before flaring his wings out and charging at the mare before him. Moony spreads her wings out and upwards slightly as she holds her ground, waiting until the last possible second to thrust them downwards and jump into the air to avoid the Iron Horse. Silver barely adjusts as he kicks off the ground to angle up to meet her.

Moony tries to make a beeline for the clouds above, managing a few flaps of her wings before she is forced to hover as Silver’s shadow looms over her. Silver manages the faintest traces of a smirk as he brings a hoof down, which Moony deflects. Moony manages to deflect and block most of the blows that Silver throws, though she knows she is being herded away from the clouds above.

Moony grumbles as she continues to deflect and dodge the blows being thrown by Silver Lining. Eventually, she manages a lucky dodge that allows her to roll with the swing and stop at his side, allowing her to push off of him in an attempt to regain the air and head towards the clouds. He makes a small grunt as she uses him as a wall for the push, and tries to grab her leg and fails as she moves too fast.

“Well, she beats your record for lasting against him, Sunny.” Azure comments off to the side, watching as Silver chases after Moony, who dives into a cloud. Once Silver sees her disappear into a cloud, he angles away from it and floats up past it as he spreads his wings wide before thrusting them forward. The motions send a huge gust of wind towards the cloud, which whisks it away to reveal just open sky.

“Hmph,” he grunts as he eyes the other clouds near it. He floats over to another one and repeats the motions, whisking away another cloud. He grumbles as he repeats the motions to a third cloud, just for the same thing to happen again. He moves over to another cloud, but stops part way and quickly turns, as something tickles his senses. He thrusts out a hoof without thinking, and gets rewarded with the feeling of rainwater exploding over his side. He simply grumbles as he looks over to see part of a small raincloud on his hoof.

“Really?” he asks nopony in particular. He floats there as he looks around, just seeing clouds floating around him. “I could keep this game of Whack-a-Troll up all day, but the timer says otherwise.”

At that, another cloud rockets towards him, and instead of punching it, he dodges it. He keeps this up for only a few more clouds before he spins, narrowly dodging one and sending it back with a smack of his wing from whence it came. The cloud impacts the ring of clouds that had formed, a soft squeak sounding out.

Silver homes in on it, diving into the clouds a few seconds after the telltale noise. Inside the cloud, he spots Moony already attempting to flee out the other side, but she doesn't manage to get far as he thrusts his wings and quickly catches up to her. He body slams her, which sends her shooting out of clouds.

Moony quickly tries to regain her balance from the body slam, Silver back on top of her again the moment she manages to recover. She brings her arms up to block a punch, lessening the impact, but the force is still enough to send her downwards. She glances over her shoulder, seeing the ground looming closer by the second and rolls over in the air, managing to stick a four hoof landing.

She grins for all of a second before a weight slams her to the ground and stays on her, knocking only most of the air from her lungs. She grunts and spins part way as the weight above her shifts, and she thrusts out a hoof blindly, hoping to connect with something. She doesn't, but the weight above her shifts enough to where she can get leverage to roll away.

She rolls to her hooves and gasps for breath, looking up to see Silver already standing up and charging at her. She groans and takes to the air again, barely waiting for her lungs to catch up. Silver grumbles and launches himself after her.

“Stay still so I can finish this,” Silver shouts as he closes the gap again with Moony.

“Nope!” Moony manages to say as she deflects another swing from the old pony. Silver keeps up with a few solid swings, then does something unexpected. He throws a left hook, going wide as Moony easily deflects it, but she doesn’t expect the wing following it, smacking her lightly in the face as he spins around. The brief moment of confusion allows Silver to bring his hind leg around right into her stomach guard, hard.

This time she feels all the air leave her lungs as he follows through with another swing. Thankfully, they weren't too far from the ground as Moony goes flying back and lands with a rolling thud. As she gasps for breath, she feels a familiar weight on her back and hold her down. She shakes her head to try and clear it, barely hearing the five get shouted and Silver backing off a second after that.

“Did he actually feint?” Moony hears in Azure’s voice off to the side. Moony looks over as she slowly stands, seeing the blue mare leaning on a sign that had ‘7 for the landing, 5 for the blind swing’ on it. She shakes her head as she limps back to her squad.

“She beat your record for surviving Silver, Azzy,” Sunny comments, making the mare turn towards him and point at their captain.

“Running away for three minutes does not count as fighting!” Azzy retorts indignantly, brow furrowed into a deep scowl.

“He didn’t say fighting… He said ‘surviving’… Counts!” Moony groans before collapsing on the mats next to her twin. “Ow… Check please…”

“Fine, I concede that point. But I still last the longest actually fighting him.” Azzy huffs, crossing her arms.

Author's Note

Immediately following the events of the previous chapter, Moony manages to barely break Azzy's record for surviving a sparring match with Silver Lining. Notably, 'surviving' is not 'fighting'.

Written by Zoljen, edited by Witching Hour.

Pt 3 - Lieutenant Bear Claw & Why Squad 12 is Barred From Rivet's Workshop

“I’m telling you, Standard, I know I can increase the output of that flame jet by at least thirty percent!” argued Bear.

“And I’m telling you that you shouldn’t be in here to begin with!” snapped the other pegasus. “What if Chief Rivet finds us in here? It’ll be our heads for sure!’

The two Wonderbolts walked into the darkened workshop, moving toward the Jet Prototype. Manehattan Technical Institute had sent it to Rivet for his professional opinion by an old friend of his. If this thing worked, it could revolutionize flight vehicles for the next three centuries, potentially creating a new class of heavier-than-air transports that could outfly even the fastest pegasi.

Bear Claw tossed his lunch bag onto a nearby workbench, grabbing several wrenches. Standard watched as his friend began “percussive maintenance” on the machine.

“You question my observations?”

“I question your judgement!” snapped Standard.

“I have the best judgement!” protested Bear.

“Was that judgement the same judgement that caused you to ask two mares to the Senior Prom at Flight School?” quipped Standard.

“Hey, that was an accident!” protested Bear. “I asked them out one at a time, but the first one changed her mind.”

“Then you should have told her that it was too late!” exploded Standard. “In the end, they were both pissed at you for that!”

“...Ok, so that time I had less than great judgement, but-” admitted Bear.

“Or the time you nearly blew up a waveform generator?” interrupted Standard.

“...When was this?” asked Bear.

“Last week!” bellowed Standard. “You hooked up your headphones and bottomed out the frequency, just because it made a farting noise!”

“Oh yeah,” remembered Bear with a grin. “That was fun…”

“It was fun destroying your headphones in front of the head lab monitor?” sighed Standard.

“He was there?” asked Bear.

“HE WAS STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!”

“...Oh yeah.”

“Come on, put down the wrench and let’s go before we get caught!”

“Will you just relax? I know what I’m doi- AUUUGH!”

Suddenly, the back of the engine fired a jet of flame directly at the two pegasi. They both dove for cover, cowering behind an extra-large tool chest. After a minute, the engine groaned and coughed in protest before dying out. Slowly, Bear lifted his head, moving to the engine, and laughing slightly.

“There, see?” grinned Bear, as his mane smoldered from the incident. “I told you it would work!”

Standard said nothing, instead staring and pointing at where the flames were being directed. Specifically at a certain lunchbox that rested in the line of fire.

“Oh f-” began Bear.

At this point, the two stallions should have fled the room. They did not.

Rivet sighed as he made his way back to the lab from the mess hall. He could hear Calm and Play Bitz goofing around from somewhere behind him while Shine and Swift were chatting about something. Lunch breaks were a bit of a nuisance sometimes, as they did take time away from his work, even though he did enjoy spending time with Squad Zero. He’d been working on a wide range of projects, some personal and some for friends at other research centers. Much of the equipment housed there was irreplaceable, and could set research progress back decades if damaged.

As he opened the door to his workshop, Rivet instantly knew something was wrong. The air was different somehow and the lights were off, causing a pit of dread to form somewhere in the engineer’s stomach. He activated the portable headlamp he kept in his bags at all times in case of emergency and nearly fainted at the sight. Nearly every surface of the lab was covered in some form of reddish orange liquid with what appeared to be rice mixed in. There were two pegasi-shaped outlines in the mess. Broken mason jars covered the floor, having sprayed their contents everywhere upon being super-heated. Rivet took a small sample of the liquid in his hoof to confirm his suspicions.

Curry. Pumpkin curry. He was here.

A single business card confirmed his suspicions. Rivet shook with rage. Squad Zero watched with apprehension. Throughout the compound, the Wonderbolts froze as a single voice cut through the air.

“BEAR CLAAAAAAAAAW!” bellowed Rivet.

Elsewhere, Moony and Azure looked at Bear Claw, his distinctive “I’m screwed” grin plastered on his face.

“Sounds like you were busy while we were messing with Blaze and High Winds,” smirked Moony.

“This I gotta hear,” laughed Azure.

“And that’s why we’re banned from the lab for all time,” finishes Bear Claw proudly.

Spitfire frowns. “I know that story, Lieutenant,” she snaps. “I handled the damage reports for the incident personally. What I want to know is why there’s a damned golf cart sticking out of my office window!”

Bear Claw looks at the ski jump ramp behind him, still slightly smoking from the launching golf cart and fire suppression teams working on putting out the fire.

“Um, no reason…” grins Bear Claw.

Author's Note

Hey, folks! Jim Hoxworth here, and after far too long of a wait, I now present the last member of Troll Squad!
Bear Claw, the last of the Troll Squad, is perhaps the most infuriating kind of troll: the unintentional kind. Good-hearted, but often oblivious, Bear has a penchant for curry and technology.

Stay tuned! Sylvian's got plans for a fourth installment centered primarily on Sunshower, and I have another chapter waiting in the wings to finish it all up. :trollestia:
Happy trolling reading!

Pt 4 - Lieutenant Commander Sunshower & The Supreme Wonderdolt!

“Good evening, Mares and Gentlecolts,” Sunshower says in an enthusiastic whisper from the table he is sitting at in the Wonderbolts’ cafeteria. He holds a cardboard tube like a microphone, and has one hoof to an ear as if listening to an ear piece. “This afternoon is the final round of the ‘Supreme Wonderdolt’ competition. And what a competition it’s been.”

“Indeed it has, Sunny,” a light blue mare beside him speaks up. She likewise holds a cardboard tube, and has her hoof against an ear. “Quite a competition indeed. Last round saw our very own Lead Commander Soarin and Clear Sky of Squad Six getting knocked out in the semi-finals.”

“And what a close elimination it was,” Sunny agrees, nodding to the mare. “I know you were rooting for Soarin, Fleet, but you have to admit he went down fighting.”

“That he did, Sunny, that he did,” Fleetfoot replies which a chuckle. “But, let’s turn our attention back to the final two competing today.” Turning, Fleet points over towards a large stallion wearing a cape and sunglasses staring intently at a card in his hooves.. “For those of you who have just tuned in, our first competitor is Air Mach, better known as Animak.”

“Yes, you heard right Mares and Gentlecolts, Animak!” Sunny picks up as Fleet turns to him. “Currently the effects specialist for Squad Seven, Animak is a favorite among the young foals for his boisterous attitude and showboating.” He then winks and nudges Fleet with one elbow. “I also hear he has a soft spot for a certain ‘Silver Streak’ in the ranks, if you know what I mean.”

Rolling her eyes, Fleet sighs. “Please, Sunny, he has absolutely no chance, and you know it!” She then smirks and puts a hoof on the table. “And speaking of no chance with the mares, our second contestant is the wanna-be playstallion of the Wonderbolts.”

“Indeed!” Sunny states seriously as he turns and points with his free hoof towards another table. “Ladies, still your beating hearts, and put away those pitchforks as our next contestant is none other than Lightning Streak!” The stallion in question is a pale blue with a two-toned light and dark yellow mane. He is likewise staring at a card in his hooves.

“These two stallions are competing for the honor of being named ‘Ultimate Wonderdolt’!” Fleet says happily, pulling a little trophy from under the table and putting it down in front of her. “A prestigious title, to be sure.

“Indeed, and for those at home who are wondering how they are going to attain this title?” Sunny asks Fleetfoot with a smirk.

“Well, Sunny, they simply have to be the last pony standing!” Fleet declares with a smile. “You are disqualified when you stop attempting to figure out the message on the card. So, whoever is looking at theirs last with the intent of figuring it out wins!”

“But, Mares and Stallions, this isn’t all fun and games! Yes, we have quite the amount of protesters lined up outside the finalists!” Sunny says somberly, looking over at Fleet.

“Yes we do, Sunny,” Fleet nods, but smiles. “But don’t you worry your pretty little flank! Our security team is second to none!” She turns, pointing with her cardboard tube. “In fact, why don’t we check in on them and see how they’re doing folks!”

Nearby, in fact really only a few tables away, the rest of squad Twelve and a few others seem to be running interference with a bunch of grumpy looking ponies.

The first set of ponies is an azure blue mare with a two-toned gold mane wrestling with another mare who looks like Spitfire’s double. The azure pony seems to have the upper hoof, and is slowly pushing the other back towards a table.

“You should know by now, Blaze,” the azure pony laughs as she pushes Blaze back more. “Mares are you true weakness! You’ll never beat another mare!”

“Shut up, Azure!” Blaze bites back as she springs forward to lock hooves with the other mare. “You and your squad of idiots are screwing around again, and I’m tired of it!”

“Why, Blazey!” Azure coos as she easily deflects an incoming punch and gets behind Blaze. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She then wraps her arms around Blaze and leans over to whisper in an ear. “Though, if you want to screw around, I’m sure Windy won’t mind.”

Blaze’s wings snap out, and she growls loudly, a blush on her cheeks. “Oh, that’s it!” She struggles heavily, which only accomplishes getting her off balance and allows Azure to easily toss her towards the table, and into a bowl of chili causing the entire thing to launch into the air and land on her head. “Why!? Why is it always chili!”

“Because,” Azure chuckles as she sits in front of the other Wonderbolt. “Anything else just wouldn’t match your fiery personality!”

“I see Azure has been paying attention to my fights with Blaze!” Fleet laughs as she looks back to Sunny, she then raises an eyebrow and pokes him with her cardboard tube. “You alright there, Sunny?”

“Hmm?” Sunny asks absently before looking back at Fleet, who nods to his fully extended wings. “Oh, horseapples….”

“It’s okay, Sunny,” Fleet giggles. “I like a little mare on mare action myself.” She wiggles her eyebrows before nodding to a different set of ponies. “But, Azure isn’t our only guard! Shall we look in to see how your friend Bear Claw is doing against the Captain of Squad Seven!”

“Yeah,” Sunny coughs as he clears his throat and folds his wings. “Lets.”

Pointing his own cardboard tube towards a second pair of ponies, Sunny and Fleet listen into the conversation they’re having.

“Look, I just have to know, Dex,” Bear Claw, the larger of the two, asks the smaller pony. “How does Rivet do the thing?”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dex, a tan pegasus with a curly orange mane and tail, sighs. “As I have not understood the past seventy-nine times you’ve asked me this hour!”

“But, you must know what the thing is!” Bear Claw continues, gesturing with his hooves. “I mean, the thing with the gizmos, and contraptions, and the blinky lights!”

“You mean inventing?” Dex asks slowly, raising an eyebrow behind his glasses. “Because if that’s not the case, then I assure you I have no idea.”

“Yes! That’s the thing!” Bear Claw declares, throwing his hooves up in the air. “Please, tell me how he does the thing! I must know!”

“Well, then please allow me to enlighten you,” Dex starts, pushing his glasses further up his muzzle as he takes on a serious expression.

“And I think that’s enough checking in with them,” Sunny says slowly. “If we keep on with them, the audience is going to fall asleep.”

“I think you’re right, I can barely stay awake when sitting in on meetings with Rivet!” Fleet yawns before shaking her head.

“You actually stay awake? You’re a stronger pony then I, Fleet,” Sunny chuckles. “But, then there are more ponies helping us out with security that just my squad! In fact, I think one of Lightning’s squad is aiding us in making sure he gets his fair chance at the title of Wonderdolt!”

“That’s right, Squad Three’s very own Misty Fly is keeping her Captain busy so he can’t drag his brother away!” Fleet smirks as she turns to look at the final group of ponies nearby, namely Misty Fly and another pony.

The two are in a silent conversation, Misty Fly’s wings and hooves moving as she speaks to the other pony in sign language, the other occasionally replies, but for all purposes is blind to the world at large around him, as his eyes never stray from Misty Fly.

“You know, the way Fire Streak looks at Misty, you can almost think he has something for her,” Sunny comments, raising an eyebrow as he smiles.

“I think even a blind pony could see there, Sunny,” Fleet replies, rolling her eyes. “Of course, with Lightning having absolutely no chance with the mares, all the smooth lines and luck with the mares had to go somewhere.”

“Too true!” Sunny nods sagely. “And I should know, I’m an expert in mares.”

“Your sister doesn’t count, Sunny,” Fleet smirks.

“Says you,” Sunny wiggles his eyebrows. “But, enough about that! I think we’re about to see the end of the championship! Lightning seems to be wavering!”

Turning back to the two stallions who are unknowingly competing in the competition, Fleet and Sunny watch as Lightning Streak’s brow starts to furrow and he narrows his eyes. He starts flipping the card over slower, sweat forming on his brow, tail flicking behind him. On the other hoof, Air Mach has yet to stop flipping his card over, his eyes hidden behind his glasses.

Before too long, Lightning sighs and tosses his card aside as he crosses his arms. “That thing lied, it didn’t tell me how to pick up mares!”

“And we have a winner!” Fleet declares into her cardboard tube.

“Indeed we do, Fleet! Let’s go to our head judge who shall give our lucky stallion his trophy!” Sunny delcares, looking over at Animak as a white mare with a gold-blond poofy-curly mane trots up to him with the Wonderdolt trophy.

“Animak!” The mare says loudly, putting an arm around the stallion’s shoulders. “Congratulations on winning the first ever Wonderdolt competition! Do you have any words for our viewers at home?”

Looking up at the mare, Air Mach smiles widely, pushing his sunglasses further up his muzzle as he jumps up and strikes a pose. “Well, Surprise! I would like to take this chance to tell all of them that no matter what, if you believe in your inner stallion, anything can be done!” He then looks to Surprise, who is simply smiling. “Now, what did I win?”

“Well, my boisterous friend,” Surprise laughs, “You’ve won the title of ‘Wonderdolt’ along with this nice trophy!”

Picking up the trophy and holding it up on one hoof as he poses, Air Mach laughs loudly. “Ah! More proof that I am the ultimate stallion! This proves the card right!”

Shaking her head, Surprise chuckles and turns, looking at thin air. “Well, Mares and Stallions, that’s all we have for tonight! Tune in next week to see who is the Alpha Mare!” She then reaches up and gestures as if she is pulling a light cord, complete with an audible click, and the lights go out…

“COMMANDER SURPRISE,” Spitfire yells from a nearby table. “TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON THIS INSTANT!”

“Make me!” Surprise giggles, followed by the sound of running hooves before the doors to the mess hall open and Squad Twelve, plus Surprise and Fleet, scamper out laughing their heads off.

Author's Note

Well, everyone, it took forever but here is the fourth chapter of Troll Squad! It’s written sort of weirdly, because I decided to make it like a gameshow, because fuggit, it’s the Trolls!

Suffice to say, it was a blast to write, even though it took me forever. But, now that it’s done you can be sure that more crazy things are on their way for this squad, courtesy of my fellow Trolls!

So, sit back, pull out some popcorn, and enjoy the ride!

Stay tuned folks! I've got one more chapter for you, and then a whole slew of outtakes for your entertainment!

Written by Sylvian, edited by Witching Hour, Zoljen and Jim Hoxworth.

Pt 5 - Captain Moonbow & When a Troll Is Not a Troll

Green eyes watch their target and the surrounding ponies, flicking from the pegasus to the squad gathering around him.

Moonbow sighs heavily, spying the light red captain’s black mohawk, but perks up again as the mare rises from her seat and carries her tray away, a midnight-blue mare with yellow mane quickly following her. She moves, bracing herself on the edge of the table as though to get up and leave, but she sighs again, slumping in her seat with a groan.

“Moony,” a voice comes from Moonbow’s left, “we talked about this, getting up and down doesn’t constitute a proper work out, and you know it.” The voice pauses for a moment before Sunshower, Moonbow’s twin brother, leans over and winks. “Besides, dear sister, Tide the Ripper isn’t at the table anymore, so if you should be putting your plot down anywhere, it should be riiiiigggghhhtttt,” he pauses, pointing over towards a pony at the table the two mares just got up from, “there.”

“Sunny,” Moony starts, clearly irritated, and opens her mouth to continue, only to be cut off by her twin.

“Now, my dear twin,” Sunny says softly, putting a hoof to his sister’s lips, “you know you can’t hide it from me; you want to go over there! So go! Be free!”

Moony makes a hesitant noise that’s half frustrated moan. “I have paperwork to deal with. Maybe later…” she responds quickly, rising from her seat to make for the doors.

“Nope!” Sunny says with a chuckle. “Azzy! Operation Plant Her Plot!” He rises up with his sister and grabs her under one arm as Moony squeaks in protest, immediately trying to free herself. “Now now, no protesting! It is my brotherly duty to make sure you follow your heart!” He pauses as Azure joins them, putting a hoof against his head dramatically. “Even if that means your heart belongs to another. Oh, what will the press say!”

“They never have to know! Dammit Sunny, Azzy! LET ME GO!” Moony shouts, flailing against the combined efforts of her squadmates.

“Sorry, Moony, no can do!” Sunny chuckles, continuing to drag his sister along. “Isn’t that right, Azzy?”

“The military training in me says I have to follow the orders of my commanding officer,” Azzy states, smirking, “unless of course she is not in her right mind! And you know what they say about love!”

“Traitors! Mutineers!” Moony persists, unable to escape her twin and the squad’s strategist.

“I’ve been called worse.” Sunny smiles as he looks over to Azzy. “How about you?”

“Oh, loads of times! Like that time we replaced Blaze’s flint pads with stink bombs!” Azzy replies, chuckling and sighing wistfully.

“I swear… Lemme go or I’ll-” Moony starts threateningly, again interrupted by her erstwhile squadmates.

“Or you’ll what?” Sunny retorts challengingly. “Report us to Hotpants?” he suggests with a hearty laugh. “That’d be the best show of the year! She’d have you hoisted on the flagpole for filing false reports!”

“What’s up?” asked Bear Claw, rolling up on his longboard while eating a jar of curry. “Why are we forcibly dragging the Cap’ somewhere?”

“Tide the Ripper and Midnight, who really should confess their own feelings, left Sky alone!” Sunny answers, gesturing towards Squad Six. “Now is the time for our dear Captain here, to profess her undying, unyielding love to Mr Clear Sky!”

“Oh!” grins BC. “This should be good. Just don’t ask out two stallions at once. If they’re anything like mares, they don’t like sharing…”

Moony groans, and Azzy and Sunny take advantage of the lapse, making more headway towards the remaining member of Squad Six. “You’re being spectacularly unhelpful as always, B.C.,” she complains, resuming her struggles to escape.

“Thanks,” grins BC, before frowning slightly. “Hey, wait a minute…”

“Of course he’s helping!” Sunny declares, shoving his sister further. “He is keeping your attention focused elsewhere!’

Glancing ahead, Moony goes ashen as she realizes that, in fact, she had been so distracted by the repartee with her squad that she hadn’t noticed that they’re now practically on top of the table Sky sits at while the rest of the mess hall occupants had eagerly cleared a path for the known pranksters.

Clearing his throat, Sunny and Azzy shove his ashen faced sister the last few feet. He then taps Sky on the shoulder. “Lieutenant Clear Sky, Captain Moonbow wishes to speak with you.”

“Hm?” Sky looks up from his food, sandwich hanging out of his mouth. His eyes go wide when he realizes who it is that’s standing there, but before he can raise his voice in alarm, the rest of Twelve scampers away, snickering loudly while leaving their mortified captain standing before him.

“Yes?” Sky prompts, as Moony’s face goes from pale to dark with a blush and her mouth works to try to make any sort of noise resembling coherent speech.

“Erm… I was…” she finally stammers out, “I was wondering if…” She sighs heavily, hoping to get the rest out quickly. “Well, there’s this new Neighponese place that opened, and I was thinking it’d be nice to check it out… together…” The last word is tacked on, almost mumbled, but clear enough even in the din of the cafeteria, and Moony visibly tenses in anxious anticipation of Sky’s reply.

Sky blinks slowly, ears back against his head in confusion, “This… is a joke? Right? You’re trying to lure me into a trap. Did your brother put you up to this?”

Even as her heart sinks, Moony forces a fake smile and laugh. “Yeah… Heh heh… You got me,” she responds, putting on a sheepish expression and turning to leave. “I thought it was a bad idea myself… Sorry… I’ll just… I’ve got paperwork to do. Bye.”

It’s only by virtue of her reputation that cleared her path to the door, which she quickly flees through.

The stream of water flows easily from hoof to hoof, the soft sound comforting to Moony’s conflicted mind. A quick flick of her wrists sends the liquid ribbon looping around her wings, then back into her hooves. She smiles, spinning in place to make a watery circle around her. She doesn’t know why water was always so soothing to her, but she isn’t about to question it now when she so desperately needed its reassurance.

The sound of hooves nearby registers vaguely, but she pays whoever it is no mind; she isn’t in the mood to talk to - or troll - anypony right now. Continuing to spin, she does her best to ignore the feeling that somepony is next to her, just outside the radius of water that she has streaming around herself. The presence does not go away, and as Moony starts to condense the water into a ball it suddenly flows out of her hooves and to the other pony standing nearby. Turning with a few choice and sharp words on the tip of her tongue, Moony’s blood runs cold as she spots one of the last ponies she wants to see right now… And Riptide isn’t exactly smiling either.

“Captain Moonbow,” Riptide starts, holding the ball of water over one hoof. “We need to talk.” She tosses the water, hard, past Moony’s face where it impacts a nearby wall with a thunderous boom, leaving the wall and surrounding mats drenched. “Now.”

Her calm utterly destroyed, Moony does her best to remain collected at least. “Captain Riptide,” she starts coolly, “I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage. What in Equestria would we need to talk about?”

“You know very well what we have to talk about,” Tide replies in an equally cold voice, though the beginnings of a low, deep-throated growl edge in towards the end. “I thought I made it clear you were to keep your hooves off of my squad. Especially Sky. I don’t care if you enjoy tormenting the other Wonderbolts; I won’t do Spitfire’s job for her, but I will do my job and protect my squad. Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear?”

Moony presses her lips into a tight line, her jaw clenching visibly. “First point of order, your lieutenant is perfectly capable of making his own opinions clear without you jumping to his defense. Second point, you have made yourself abundantly plain. Now, may I return to practicing or is there some other imagined slight you care to discuss?”

Narrowing her eyes, Tide snorts through her nose, cropped tail flicking behind her. “No, Captain Moonbow. Just remember, if I catch you or your brother pretending to try and set Sky up on a date, or such nonsense, I will be back.” She then turns and walks a few steps before stopping and speaking without turning. “And, if that comes to pass, I don’t care what the Code says, I’ll make sure you don’t ever hurt Sky, or anypony, ever again.” She then walks off without further word.

Moony huffs as well, rolling her eyes. “And what if it’s not pretend? What’ll you do then, huh? Gonna toss the Code out for that too?” she asks in a raised voice to be heard by the retreating upper tier captain., her face easily slipping into the trollish sneer she and her brother had perfected.

Stopping dead in her tracks, Tide’s ears go straight up, and she turns around slowly. As she turns around she levels a glare that would make even Silver blush at Moony. She stomps back over towards Moony, nostrils flaring, eyes narrowed, and teeth bared. “What did you just say?” She gets closer, right in Moony’s face. “I heard something come out of your mouth, but it’d better not be what I thought it was.”

“What? Now a squad is the only possible friends for any given pony?” Moony retorts, scoffing. “So now only you and your squad can possibly care about each other in any meaningful way? Well fine. Keep your little squad with your pathetic combat routines. I get a better show out of a bar fight.”

“How dare you!” Tide growls. “What would you know about caring for another pony? What meaningful relationships do you have? Huh? You and that joke of a squad go around causing problems! You and that pathetic ass-wipe you call a brother only seem to find enjoyment from ruining that of others!” She steps forward, all but butting her head against Moony’s. “So don’t you dare talk about caring about another pony to me. Especially my little brother!” The last is all but shouted at the top of Tide’s voice, her eyes boring into Moony’s with the intensity of a pony who will gladly rip the other’s head off. “And how would you know about combat? I’ve yet to see you beat Silver! Hay, I bet you couldn’t even beat Sky in a duel, and he is one of the weakest Wonderbolts in the sparring arena!”

Moony scoffs again, meeting Tide’s glare and returning it in kind. “You wouldn’t know how to care about anypony if someone beat you over the head with the concept, Captain Oblivious To What’s In Front Of Her! My brother, Azzy and B.C. and I? We all care about each other! But you can’t even see when somepony cares about you… So what would you know about how other ponies feel? Huh? Can you tell me how each member of your squad feels about you?! You are blind, Riptide and you don’t know anything about anypony.” Moony’s voice, while not raised as Tide’s had been, is still deadly with venom, easily hitting the buttons she’d known about on the other mare since the day they’d met. While logically, she knows she’d regret it later, but in the moment, Moony finds herself utterly numb to the rapidly approaching consequences.

Tide’s eyes go wide for a moment, before narrowing again. Each and every single word cuts her deeper, and deeper, stinging and burning in her mind like a lash against bare skin. She growls loudly, tears forming on the edges of her eyes as she paws at the ground with one hoof. It’s clear Moony has hit home, but it takes a few seconds for the all out fury to set in. Once it does, Tide doesn’t waste time retorting, she simply lunges forward and tackles Moony to the ground, a hoof coming up to strike Moony in the face. Yet, the blow never comes. Tide’s hoof just hovers in front of the other captain’s face, shaking, as Tide restrains herself for some reason.

Moony, pinned to the floor, simply raises an eyebrow as she stares up at Tide and then snorts derisively at seeing the mare’s hesitation. “I should’ve known you wouldn’t do it. You can’t even find the courage to tell the mare you love how you feel. You’re just a spineless coward masquerading as a soldier,” she spits scornfully with narrowed green eyes.

Roaring with fury, Tide raises her hoof again to strike, and this time it’s clear she won’t stop. Right as it’s about to fall, however, a grey hoof suddenly comes from behind and locks her arm in place, another coming around her neck and dragging her backwards.

“That’s enough, Tide!” the owner of the arms shouts as he pulls her off Moony.

“NO!” Tide bellows, tears in her eyes. “Dancer, let me go! LET ME GO THIS INSTANT and let me kill her! THAT’S AN ORDER!”

"Looks like the white knight of your squad came to play. Pity he'll never live up to the tail he's chasing! How's it feel to always be in Silver's shadow, Dancer? You'll never be as good as him! Might as well give up now, and go back to scaring foals with those scars of yours!" Moony taunts, sneering as she gets back on her hooves.

Dancer’s ears go back against his head in surprise at the venom behind the words, and for a moment his grip loosens. Before Tide can escape him, though, he tightens it again and shakes his head. “Moonbow, I know you’re just saying this stuff because you’re hurting. So stop acting like a foal throwing a tantrum and face the real problem!”

“The real… problem?” Moony stammers, snorting with a scary smile suddenly on her face. Into the dead silence and confused stares, Moony laughs. At first, it’s only a couple of chuckles, but it quickly blooms into full-bodied, almost-hysterical laughter, all with that eerily sinister grin in place. “The real problem, Storm Dancer,” she starts, still chortling a little, “is that I’m my own best joke, and I played it on myself.” She shakes her head, still laughing intermittently, but the tone is still off in some way that nopony could quite put their hoof on. With nothing else to say, the lower tier captain turns and starts to head for the locker rooms, the occasional chortle still escaping to echo back to the members of Squad Six.

As Moony moves off towards the locker room, a pony who had been standing behind Dancer and Tide starts off after her, quickly overtaking the chuckling mare. “Moonbow, wait up,” the mare says loud enough to be heard by the Squad Twelve Captain, but not Dancer or Tide. Moony doesn’t respond though, continuing her ambling gait to the mares’ locker room. The mare isn’t deterred, though, and speeds up to get in front of Moony. “Please, I want to talk to you.”

“Excuse me, Ensign Midnight. Your captain doesn’t want me associating with any member of her squad,” Moony responds, her tone suddenly flat and her eyes glassy and unfocused, before attempting to sidestep around the dark blue mare blocking her path.

“Tide means well,” Midnight continues, moving in front of Moony, “but she goes too far sometimes.” She reaches up and puts a hoof on Moony’s shoulder. “Look, is there something you need to talk about?”

Moony jerks away, almost as though burned by Midnight’s touch, a spark of anger flashing in her eyes before vanishing again behind the dead-eyed stare. “No, Ensign. Excuse me,” she repeats, and again moves to get past Midnight.

Midnight stands to one side and lets Moony pass her and enter the locker room, but then quickly follows. “Something is clearly wrong, Moonbow. Now, talk to me or I’ll have to make you talk.” Midnight then smiles. “And don’t think I can’t because I am persistent.” Moony seems to ignore her though, grabbing her towel and soap from the bench where she’d left them and going straight to the showers, quickly turning the knobs to her desired temperature with practiced ease.

Sighing, Midnight sits outside the shower area Moony occupies, resting her back against the wall. “Alright, don’t talk. I’ll do all the talking.” She pauses for a moment, then continues. “So, I heard about you asking Sky out to dinner. He was talking about it during practice, laughing about how he’d dodged the trap with ease.” She pauses a moment again before speaking directly at the shower stall. “It wasn’t a joke, was it?”

“It’s bad to start second-guessing your squadmates, Ensign.” The response was almost too quiet to be heard over the shower, but there it is.

“I’m not,” Midnight says softly, “I’m second-guessing your anger. I know you’re inclined to push the buttons of other ponies, but never like what you just did with Tide. E-even if you were right on a few things…” She clears her throat and continues, “I know what it’s like to love somepony from afar, Moony, it isn’t fun, and it isn’t easy. Y… If you tell me it isn’t a joke, I’ll tell Sky it isn’t. Convince me, and I’ll convince him.”

“You seem to be going under the assumption that I’m in the same situation as you, Ensign, but I’m not. When you finally come clean, because Celestia knows she won’t make the first move, she won’t laugh and call it a joke.” There’s a brief pause as the shower turns off, and then Moony continues, her voice still flat. “The lieutenant says it’s a joke, then it’s a joke, Ensign. Everything’s a joke to somepony.”

“You might be right,” Midnight concedes, “perhaps Tide won’t come clean about us, and perhaps we’re not in the same boat as you. But, that doesn’t mean it’s a joke. Sky is a lot of things, but he’s like a lot of stallions; he doesn’t always know what’s in front of him when it’s there.” Midnight sighs again and looks to the ceiling. “And, love isn’t a joke, Moonbow. And I am not going to let you leave this room until you agree that you’ll ask him again, this time you won’t leave until he understands you’re serious.”

“I never said anything about love, Ensign,” Moony retorts flatly as she exits the shower area and steps onto the carpeted locker area with her towel draped across her back. “I am a joke, but I do have paperwork that requires my attention, so please don’t make me give Captain Tide the Ripper another reason to wish me dead and stay out of my way.”

“Alright, Captain Moonbow,” Midnight sighs as she stands up. “I guess I’ll leave you alone. You seem intent on being stubborn. You’re only going to end up hurting yourself in the end,” Midnight walks towards the door and stops. “If you finish your paperwork early, you can talk to me.”

“I appreciate your offer, Ensign, but I expect you’ll be busy dealing with your captain for a while,” Moony responds coolly as she pushes the door open and leaves.

Sky isn’t quite sure where everypony else wandered off to. He had wanted to follow behind Dancer and Midnight, but Midnight had told him that they were just going to go look for Tide and then they’d be right back. That had been about an hour ago, and he had so far spent that entire time shaping little clouds into various things and entertaining himself in the private gym Squad Six had booked for a two hour block.

Sighing, and pushing a cloud bunny away, Sky stands up and turns to the door, intent on looking for the rest of his squad. He gets about halfway there before the door slams open, causing him to jump backwards. He’s initially scared it’s Tide, who looked really angry when she had stormed off earlier, but when he spots the yellow and muted violet of Sunshower, he chuckles.

“Hey, Sunny, get lost on your way to trolling somepony?” Sky says with a smile, which slips when the normally cheery Wonderbolt stomps over to him with a very intense glare. “Uh… Sunny… something… wrong?” The last comes out in a squeak as Sunny towers over him.

“What the hell did you do to my sister!?” Sunny demands. “I take the effort to drag her plot over to you so she can finally admit her feelings for you, and she comes back out of the dining hall looking like her favorite stuffed animal just got tossed into a fire!”

“You mean ‘we’, right Sunny?” a second voice comes from just outside the door.

“SHUT IT, LIEUTENANT!” Sunny bellows over his shoulder, causing Sky to sink into the mats beneath his hooves. Something is very wrong.

“Like... that was actually real?” Sky says, though he doesn’t pick himself up from the mats. “You guys are always going around pulling pranks on other ponies, never being serious. Hay, Tide is always complaining about your latest antics and your lack of anything resembling discipline.”

“That was very real,” Sunny replies coldly. “My sister, my very dear sister, has been pining after your dumb plot for a very, very long time.” He picks Sky up by the front of his uniform and holds him at eye level. “And you… YOU BROKE HER HEART!” He pulls Sky closer, his breath hot on the younger Wonderbolts’ face. “Now, like a good brother, I am going to have to beat some sense into that thick skull of yours.” He lets Sky down. “But not here. You’re going to come with us to one of the main gyms, we’re going to both suit up in sparring equipment, and then I’m going to test just what kind of ponies are on the so-called mock battle squad.”

“I’m not fighting you!” Sky replies, snorting. “Like I’d believe you and go with you. You’re all likely going to lead me into a pie, or a barrel of itching powder! Oh, perhaps even a bucket of edible gold? Aurora Streak is still sneezing that stuff out from time to time!”

Sighing, Sunny turns and walks a few steps towards the door. “I’m sorry you feel that way, Sky. Perhaps we’ve earned it for all the things we’ve done. However, I can’t let you stay here. My sister’s honor demands it.” He whistles sharply. “Azure, Bear, bring him.” Sunny keeps his back to Sky as the two other members of Squad Twelve walk in, and quickly overtake Sky who has attempted to back up to the opposite wall. B.C. and Azzy quickly pick Sky up by his arms and drag him over to Sunny, who stands and walks out the door.

Sunny leads the small group down the hallway, other Wonderbolts raising eyebrows and a few even stepping over to try and help Sky, only to be silenced or sent away by a glare from Sunny.

The trip is blissfully short for Sky, dragged the whole way, as they enter the largest of the practice gyms in short order. B.C. and Azzy set him down next to a pile of sparring gear as Sunny walks over to another, and quickly starts putting it on.

“Suit up, Lieutenant,” Sunny states in a matter-of-fact tone. “If you’re not wearing all that by the time I finish putting mine on, I will not be held responsible for the bruises.” Sky takes no chances, quickly putting on the padded armor in a flurry of hooves. Even if they’re going to still prank him, he feels better having the sparring armor on.

Once the helmet is on his head, he turns towards Sunny, expecting him to be waiting, but quickly finds the other Wonderbolt charging him at full speed. Reacting purely out of instinct and training honed by years of sparring with his squad, Sky gets his guard up and blocks the first of likely many punches from the second-in-command of the ‘troll’ squad. The blow sends him skidding backwards, and, even with the padding, he feels like he just blocked a freight train. The sound of the blow attracts the attention of all the other Wonderbolts in the gym, many stopping what they are doing and watching as, for once in their entire careers, they see Sunny not only taking something seriously, but looking like he is about to kill another pony.

Sky attempts to break out from the onslaught, taking to the air quickly, only to be stopped short as Sunny grabs him by the tail. “You don’t get to fly away from me!” Sunny shouts, launching himself into the air behind Sky, and swinging the smaller and lighter pony around by his tail and back into the mats below with a muted boom. Coughing, the wind knocked out of him, Sky turns over and kicks without thinking, catching Sunny in the face as he dives down to deliver another punch. The blow knocks the enraged pegasus out of the air, and a few feet away where he lands with a smirk and a chuckle. “And here I thought it’d be too easy.”

"Oooo, sloppy sir… You should wait a few more seconds before diving after him... Seriously, Silver does it to me all the time," Azure’s voice comes from the sidelines. Sky chances a look over at the rest of the troll squad, and isn’t surprised to find the squad’s fire-handlers eating peanuts from little red and white bags like one would find at a circus.

“I don’t need any sideline advice from the peanut gallery!” Sunny growls, launching himself forward, the distraction enough to allow Sky to regain his breath and ready himself.

“You’re just jealous we didn’t offer you any of the peanuts!” Azzy retorts.

As Sunny gets close, Sky rears up at the last second and steps to one side to allow Sunny to pass. As he does, Sky jams an elbow into Sunny’s back, right between the wing joints, sending him to the ground with a grunt. Sky then moves back, crouching low into a defensive posture. He knows he can’t beat Sunny at pure strength, and blow for blow he won’t last as long. So he stays on the defensive, far enough away that Sunny can’t get him right away.

“Heh, I wondered what my sister saw in you,” Sunny wheezes slightly as he picks himself back up, popping a shoulder as he does. “I wondered how she could pine after a weak little thing like you. But, lo and behold, you have teeth after all.” He turns and smiles again as he mirrors Sky’s posture. “But you’re not going to win.”

“Come and prove it,” Sky replies, smiling a little despite himself. “Unless you’re all hot air, like Tide says you all are.”

“Gladly,” Sunny growls as he launches himself forward again with both his legs and his wings causing a small ‘pop’ as he rockets forward. Sky attempts to repeat his earlier move, but at the last second Sunny plants his hooves on the ground and transfers his momentum into a punch into Sky’s stomach. The smaller Wonderbolt, unable to react in time, takes the full blow and is sent slightly upwards, only to be followed by Sunny, who quickly launches himself into the air after Sky. Without stopping, he kicks Sky in the stomach, then punches him under the jaw when the smaller Wonderbolt attempts to curl up mid-air. The blow to the jaw whips Sky’s head back, and the world becomes unfocused.

Between the haze brought on by the blow, and the numbness from getting the wind knocked out of him for a second time in the space of less than a minute, Sky watches Sunny do a somersault mid-air, a back hoof descending towards Sky’s back. And then the blow connects, and the ground rockets towards him… then darkness.

“Jeeze, Sunny,” Azure's voice floats through the darkness, “did you really have to work him over so hard?”

“No,” Sunny’s voice replies, “but he won’t forget the lesson this way.” Sunny then sighs, and Sky feels himself being rolled onto his back. “Besides, he isn’t injured... much.”

“AZURE, SUNNY, BEAR, WHAT IN TARTARUS ARE YOU ALL DOING HERE?!”

The world rushes back to Sky as he takes a deep breath. Opening his eyes and groaning, he looks over towards the source of the voice, and grimaces as he spots Moonbow, looking like a very angry wreck herself.

“PROTECT ME, CURRY!” Bear Claw yelps, holding out a mason jar like a shield.

To say that Moony is pissed would be the understatement of the year, and at least get an honorable mention for the decade. She had already determined that today would be going under the heading The Worst, complete with capitalization, and now she finds her squad not even doing their assigned training.

“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE WEIGHT ROOM, YOU IDIOTS! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE -” Her tirade cuts off mid-thought as she spies the padded and prone form of Sky behind her brother. For a moment, it looks like all bluster has left her, but the very next, an inarticulate scream of rage comes from her mouth and she launches herself at her twin, a blur of muted violet with a streak of yellow.

“Been nice knowin’ ya, Sunny,” Azure comments dryly as she pops another peanut into her mouth and takes a step to the left, distancing herself from the squad’s second.

“Moony! Calm down!” Sunny asks loudly. “I did what was needed! He broke your heart! I DID MY DUTY!” His panicked explanation quickly turns into grunts as Moony full-body tackles her brother away from the prone lieutenant of Squad Six, tearing into him with quick, extremely well placed blows that leave whole limbs feeling numb and limp, all while she screams at the top of her lungs about his idiocy.

“Huh… So she was paying attention when I was going over pressure points…” Again, Azure makes a bemused comment from the sidelines.

With her brother momentarily unable to fight back, Moony grabs one of his arms, twists and pulls him downward, leaving him nowhere to go but face-down onto the mats as his other arm is already numb and unable to hold his weight. “Stay put if you don’t want more where that came from,” she growls in a low tone as she pins him with hoof on his back, squarely between his wings.

“Lieutenant Star! Go get Squad Six, now!” she snaps, looking over her shoulder to the impromptu peanut gallery.

Standing up, and wobbling a bit, Sky walks over towards Moony and her brother, removing the sparring helmet as he goes. “Um… Captain Moonbow….?” He stops right next to the twins, a confused look on his face. He starts to back away when Moony’s attention snaps to him, but her hoof darts out, grabbing him by the back of his neck and yanking him towards her. In a flash, her lips clamp over his, muffling a very un-masculine squeak of protest from Sky before he relaxes, enjoying the one good thing that had happened since lunch.

“Um… Cap?” Azure says hesitantly, out of the mare’s grabbing range strictly as a precaution. Otherwise giving no indication that she’d heard, Moony makes a shooing motion with her wing, intent on remaining lip-locked for as long as the yellow stallion permitted it. “Captain… Really… Oh c’mon Moony!”

Moony makes a brief irritated noise before she pulls away, leaving Sky stunned as she whips her head around to look at her squadmate. “What?! I told you to go get Squad Six!” she demands irately, glaring at Azure. Azure nervously points to a space just out of Moony’s peripheral vision, making Moony swallow her ire and turn her head a little more to the right.

“Captain Moonbow,” Tide states in a low monotone, her face a mask of false calm. “There will be no need to get us. We’ve been here for a few minutes already.” She looks to Sky, who is still sitting there with a dazed look on his face, though now he seems to be smiling happily with an almost dream-like look on his face. “Lieutenant, are you alright?”

“Hm? Wha…?” He turns and spots Tide, quickly snapping to attention. “I’m fine, Captain. Lieutenant Commander Sunshower and I got into a friendly sparring match…”

“And I won…” Sunny mutters into the mats, earning himself more pressure between his wings from his sister.

“Friendly spar, my plot,” Moony snarls, glaring daggers at the back of her twin’s head even as her wing moves to wrap around Sky’s shoulders protectively.

“I… see,” Tide says slowly, looking between Sky, Moony, and Sunny. She opens her mouth, doubtlessly to chew out the three of them, when Midnight steps up and puts a hoof on her Captain’s shoulder. Looking to the her squadmate, Tide sighs and looks back at Moony with a very serious expression. “I’ll overlook all of this… on one… condition…”

“Oh no… No no no, he’s not getting away with this…” Moony shakes her head, removing her hoof from Sunny’s back only to add a punch to his ribcage, padded though it is. “Bear Claw! Azure! Drag this sorry arse, lesser-half of mine to Bliss and make sure he stays there until I’ve got this sorted out.”

“Yes’m,” the two lieutenants chorus, moving quickly to pry Sunny from the mats lest they draw their captain’s ire themselves. Moony’s eyes follow the rest of her squad until they’re out of the doors before steeling herself to deal with yet another confrontation with Tide the Ripper.

“Captain Riptide, I am truly sorry for my squad’s actions. This was well out-of-bounds and they knew it. I’ll make sure Sunny’s properly dealt with, and we’ll never attempt to prank your squad again… Actually, we’ll just not approach you at all. Yes?” Moony’s words tumble out in a rush, all in one breath. Moony nearly gasps an inhale before she seems to hold her breath, waiting for Tide’s reply.

Clearing her throat, Tide nods towards Moony and Sky’s almost touching shoulders. “And, what about that?”

Moony looks, only just then realizing that her wing is still draped over Sky’s shoulders. She turns bright red and makes a squeaky noise that’s either mortification or surprise or both as she jumps away from Sky, taking quickly to the air and making a beeline for the doors.

Midnight makes as if to chase after the embarrassed captain, but Tide stops her. Giving her Captain a confused look, Midnight looks back towards Moony, and is surprised to see Sky going after her. He quickly overtakes her and gets in front of the fleeing mare.

“Moony, wait,” Sky asks quickly, “why are you running away?”

Moony’s eyes frantically dart from side to side as she scans for an escape route, stammering as she stalls for time. “See… About that… Er… NOPE!” Without warning, she folds in her wings, dropping like a stone before catching herself still in the air and making a break for the door again.

Without missing a beat, Sky folds his wings as well, timing it so that he lands on top of Moony as she passes beneath him. He wraps his arms around her neck and attempts to drag her to the floor, though careful since she isn’t wearing padding like he is. “You’re not getting away that easily after kissing me!”

Another mortified/surprised squeak escapes her as Moony strains to keep herself aloft, wings working overtime. Despite such efforts, she comes to the inevitable conclusion that she’s going nowhere but down. Huffing slightly, she drops the last few feet to the floor, her landing heavier and less graceful than normal due to the stallion clinging to her back. “Sheesh… One kiss and you get so clingy…” she grumbles with a sigh, flopping face down to the mats. Sky’s weight forces the breath from her when she hits the floor, making her wheeze slightly. “Oof… Get offa me already!”

Sky chuckles and rolls off of her. “Well, you beat your brother up over me, then you kissed me, and then your wing…” He sighs and looks over at Moony. “Why? Why did you do those things? And don’t think about running away, I might be sore after the beating Sunny gave me, but I’ve had worse.”

Groaning, Moony covers her head with her arms. “I know stallions are thick but this is freaking ridiculous,” she mutters, sighing in pure exasperation. “Somepony kill me now… please?” she asks no one in particular, her voice not quite muffled by the mats and her arms.

“I’d grant you that request,” Tide says from nearby, “but this seems like a more fitting punishment for your earlier words to me.”

“Look, I just want to hear it from you,” Sky continues, as if Tide had never spoken. “Your brother said I broke your heart. Told me that you asking me out wasn’t a joke, wasn’t a trap… so…” He pauses, blushing a little and looking away from Moony. “Is it true?”

“Can’t we just all laugh at the silly pony and let her go on her merry way?” Moony queries with another groan as she drags herself to her hooves, notably looking anywhere but Sky.

“No,” Sky replies, likewise getting to his hooves, “because I don’t see anything silly about it.” He shuffles sideways a bit, getting a little closer to Moony.

Despite herself, Moony finds herself looking right at Sky. Slamming up a mask as quickly as possible, she narrows her eyes at him. “You found it pretty funny at lunch,” she retorts flatly.

“Your brother and Azure had just dragged you over,” Sky replies, looking at his hooves. “Then they ran away giggling. With your reputation, what was I supposed to think?” He looks up and smiles slightly. “Perhaps, you should have stayed and convinced me? Actually talked to me, and not just said you had paperwork and left?”

“Ha!” Moony barks, her laugh sharp and abrupt. “And what could I have actually said, given that reputation, to undo all that, hmm?” she asks skeptically, arching one eyebrow. “Do keep in mind this is me we’re talking about; the walking, talking, living, breathing, flying joke captain of her joke squad.”

“I don’t know,” Sky sighs slowly. “You could have tried, though.” He then looks over at her and offer a smile. “And, you and your squad might be a joke most of the time, but you do know how to buckle down when it counts. I am sure Sunny and I both have the bruises to prove it now.”

She growls at the mention of her twin, glaring towards the doors. “I’m gonna have to punish him for letting our secret out of the bag like that, on top of general idiocy…” she grumbles, otherwise ignoring most of Sky’s words.

Sighing, Sky scoots over and continues to smile, doing his best to keep his tone level and friendly. “Could always rig it so he has to fight Silver next time your squads are sparring,” Sky suggests before clearing his throat and looking over at Moony. “Something good did come of this, though, Moony.”

“Oh yeah… Great day…” she starts, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “I’m a joke, almost got Tide the Ripper to murder me, my brother went and broke the squad motto, to say nothing of a few Codes of Conduct, and -” Before she can continue down the list of bad things that had happened so far that day, Sky reaches over with one hoof, pulls her face so she is looking at him, and kisses her soundly. Moony tries to pull away to continue her rant, but her efforts are half-hearted at least and easily countered.

The kiss lasts until Sky has to let both of them back up for air. As he releases Moony, he smiles warmly, a raging blush on his face. “See, the day wasn’t all bad. We got to do that, twice.” He then clears his throat and chuckles. “And don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it, because you did it first.”

“Please… I’m a troll, not a liar. I tell the truth all the time. It’s not my fault no one listens…” Moony retorts, sounding tougher than the bright pink staining her cheeks would lead anyone to believe.

“So, if you were telling the truth,” Sky starts, looking down at his hooves again, blush deepening, “would you still like to go check out that restaurant you were talking about at lunch?” He chuckles a little and rubs the back of his head with a hoof, wincing slightly as he hits a bruise. “I’m pretty sure by the time Bliss is done with me, it’ll be close enough to dinner time that we could slip out and beat the dinner rush…” He looks up and smiles warmly. “That is, if you still want to go out with this thick-headed idiot.”

“Well… I did just promise that my squad and I wouldn’t come near any member of yours…” Moony starts hesitantly, glancing over her shoulder at Tide, who is currently standing with Dancer and Midnight on both sides of her as her eye twitches. Moony turns back to Sky, who looks crestfallen at her words, but despite this, Moony smiles and aims a light punch at his shoulder. “Hey… I didn’t say anything about avoiding you guys if you come to us…” she adds, chuckling as she can almost hear the steam screaming from Tide’s ears now. Scampering towards the door, Moony calls over her shoulder, “Swing by my room when Bliss is done with you!”

“Will do!” Sky calls back before looking over his shoulder at the rest of his squad. Tide is, obviously, fuming, but Midnight and Dancer are both smiling and nodding. “So… Um… I think I’d better go see Bliss before the bruises… really start… hurting.”

“Or,” Midnight chuckles, “Tide decides to add to them because we weren’t done with practice?”

“That too! Bye!” Sky says hurriedly as he sprints from the gym.

Author's Note

Here we have an example, strange though it is, of the Troll Captain actually being serious... And the fallout of that strange occurrence echoes throughout the Compound.

Oh silly little Moonbow... You get crushes on the WORST POSSIBLE candidates...

Written by Witching Hour, assisted by Sylvian.

Pt 5 Outtake 1 - Mass Hallucinations

“BLISS! We got another one!” Flash calls from the door, making the Head Trainer’s eyes go wide.

“What?! Seriously, did they put something in the food?!” she demands, more than a little frazzled at the influx of pegasi convinced they’d been hallucinating.

“If they did, it’d have to be all of it, since there’s no single common food item,” Mahogany replies, gesturing to the notepad she’d been scribing any possible hallucinogenic factor on. “And if that were the case, we’d be having hallucinations ourselves. Since the Training Room isn’t devoid of patients right now, and certainly hasn’t been for a week, my personal theory is that it was something in the air vent to Gym Four.”

Bliss sighs heavily, pressing a hoof to the bridge of her nose. “Cinna! Go downstairs and send Witch up here… Velly and Treble can chew me out later… Then go track down Rivet and ask him about anything involving the ventilation,” she commands, and the pink-maned administrative assistant scrambles to do as ordered, dropping her clipboard on Bliss’s desk on her way out the door.

Sighing again, Bliss turns her attention back to the light-red mare currently at her table. “Now, Tide… Tell me exactly what you saw?”

“Well,” Tide starts slowly, sighing as she sits straight as a board. “Dancer, Midnight, and I went into Gym Four to find Sky, who was seen being dragged in there by Sunshower…” She pauses, looking at Bliss as if the next part is the most important thing in the world. “When we got in there, we saw… well… We saw Squad Twelve being disciplined by Captain Moonbow. Not jokingly like she usually does; she was full on shouting, and beat the tar out of her brother for apparently beating on Sky in a spar… Then she shouted at Azure Star and Bear Claw… Really shouted at them like Silver would, and ordered them to go and get me and the rest of my squad.”

Bliss shakes her head as she takes notes, knowing that at least some of Tide’s ‘hallucination’ is true as she’d been the one to restore proper circulation and feeling in the well-known prankster’s limbs before his twin had arrived to drag the whole lot upstairs citing a meeting with Spitfire. While Bliss had been concerned at who had such detailed knowledge of energy blocking and pressure points, she has no small amount of difficulty believing that it was the Troll Captain. Also, Bliss knows that Sky had also been pounded on, and the Head Trainer, conversely, has no problem believing that Sunshower was behind that, despite the fact that before today, the squad’s antics had never actually hurt anyone.

Sighing, Bliss presses a hoof to the bridge of her nose again, already feeling the migraine setting in. If there was some sort of psychoactive drug in the ventilation system causing hallucinations, then the flood of ponies coming into her domain would only increase… And if there wasn’t, and the Squad Twelve Trolls had actually exhibited discipline and actual skill in combat beyond their usual fake-out methods, then the sky would have to be green to account for the upending of Universal Truths…

And Bliss can’t decide which option she’d prefer.

Author's Note

Just what the heck HAPPENED in Gym 4, wonders all the Training staff...

Bliss... It's okay... :raritywink: The sky's not green, and your domain will not be flooded... But you may wish one of these things were true...

Written by Witching Hour.

Pt. 5 Outtake 2 - Paperwork & Punishment

Spitfire curses under her breath, opening yet another drawer of her desk for what feels like the hundredth time but is likely closer to the fifth, still unable to find the thrice-damned aspirin.

At first only a nagging tension headache, she adds Squad Twelve to her inventive invectives for making the rhythmic pounding in her skull worse. She’d gotten a report not a half hour past about a fight breaking out between Squad Twelve’s Commander Sunshower and Squad Six’s Clear Sky. That had incurred paperwork, because she did not expect Captain Moonbow to do it, and Captain Riptide had already hooved hers over as soon as she had been able to.

She has just finished with Riptide’s paperwork when she hears hooves marching up towards her door. Sighing, she puts the paperwork aside and does her best to not look like she’s swallowed something sour. Failing, she settles with not glaring too sternly.

That all changes as the door to her office opens quickly, actually hitting the wall with a loud bang that causes Spitfire to grind her teeth, and the very object of her annoyance marches into her office. For a moment it doesn’t really register that they’re actually marching, then Moonbow comes through the door and glares at her squad.

“You two,” Moonbow growls as she points to the couch. “Couch. NOW.” Azure and Bear instantly move off to the couch, their ears pinned against their skulls and eyes downcast. “And you,” Moonbow snarls, rounding on her brother. “Stand right there. And if you move a bucking inch, Celestia herself won’t be able to protect you from my wrath!” Yelping, Sunshower moves over to stand in front of Spitfire’s desk, snapping to attention as he offers a salute to the lead captain.

“Moonbow,” Spitfire glares. “What’s the meaning of this?”

“I used up all my citation paper, ma’am,” Moonbow offers in a professional voice as she goes to one of Spitfire’s filing cabinets and opens it. “And this saves me time, I can fill all the paperwork out here and give it to you while explain just how much of an idiot my brother is.”

“If this a continuation of the practical joke you played on squa-” Spitfire starts, but is quickly cut off by Sunny.

“It wasn’t a joke…” Sunny mutters, rubbing a shoulder.

“Did you just cut off a superior officer,” Moonbow says softly, the tone causing Spitfire to shiver slightly. “DID YOU REALLY JUST DO THAT!?” She pulls the forms she has been hunting out of the drawer, turns around, and slams it hard before storming over and putting the forms on the desk and rounding on her brother. “You are on the thinnest of ice right now, so shut your muzzle or I am getting the tape out. AM. I. CLEAR?”

“Ma’am, yes ma’am!” Sunny answers automatically.

“Good,” Moonbow snorts before turning to Spitfire and saluting. “Ma’am, we’ve come to turn in paperwork in relation to the unauthorized sparring match that broke out between my brother and Lieutenant Clear Sky earlier today.”

Blinking slowly, Spitfire nods, her mind barely able to comprehend Moonbow being serious through the headache. “I just finished reviewing the paperwork Captain Riptide submitted.”

“All the same, ma’am, I am required by the code of conduct to submit my own,” Moonbow states coldly. “As such, I am formally submitting form C, Section-Twelve, for misconduct with the intent to cause bodily harm to another Wonderbolt,” she pauses and scoots the indicated form forward, already filled out, “and form F, Section-Three, for bodily harm done to a fellow Wonderbolt with malicious intent.” She slides the other form forward, her face deadpan.

“Yes…” Spitfire says slowly, her head throbbing heavily, and not just from the original headache. “These forms look to be… in order.”

“Of course they are, ma’am,” Moonbow answers. “Now, there is the matter of punishment for my wayward Commander.”

“I’ll get back to you on that,” Spitfire states calmly, doing her best to not grind her teeth. “Once I read your report and the forms…”

“Very well, permission to be dismissed?” Moonbow asks curtly, aiming a glare at her brother.

“Granted,” Spitfire says, watching as the entire squad snaps salutes and Moonbow marches them back out of the office, closing the door behind her.

Left alone again in her office, Spitfire lets loose a string of curses that would make even Silver applaud her creativity, and rips open another drawer in her desk to find the aspirin.

Author's Note

More problems caused by Trolls actually following procedure?! Wut?! It's like you don't expect us to actually do our jobs!!!

Thanks to Syl for writing this out so it's finally finished... The last outtake's been finished for a WHILE... :scootangel:

Written by Sylvian, edited by Witching Hour.

Pt 5 Outtake 3 - First Date Aftermath

Giggles echo in the stairwell as the two pegasi stumble their way up to the third floor, rising and falling in volume as they alternate reminding each other that others are sleeping, and then both promptly forgetting in their drunkenness.

Only too soon, they reach the third floor, still giggling like foals. Taking a quick breath to steady herself, Moony eyes the West hall, where most of the Upper Tier Elites had their rooms. “We’d better part here… Riptide’s probably already gonna skin me alive for keeping you out this… late? Early?”

“Don’t worry,” Sky chuckles, leaning on Moony. “I’m sure Midnight’ll keep her in line! No matter what she says, that mare knows which buttons to push to keep our Captain from exploding.” He smiles warmly and kisses Moony on the cheek. “‘Sides, I liked staying out with you! It was a lot of fun.”

Despite herself, Moony smiles, blushing. “Let’s tempt fate some other time, Sky… Like when it’s not four in the morning, and we don’t need to be up in three hours for practice…”

Sighing heavily, Sky nods. “You make a good point,” he continues to smile however, and nuzzles Moony’s neck. “Good night. We need to do this again sometime soon. If we’re both not dead from Tide’s wrath.”

Moony’s answering giggle as his breath hits her neck is a little too loud in her ears, and she quickly bites her lower lip to muffle herself as her wobbling legs send her leaning heavily into her date. “Yeah… Soon… Definitely… Soon…” Moony stammers, blushing brightly now from her own thoughts.

Crouching a little under the weight of his date, Sky gently helps her back standing straight up before turning. “Well, I’ll see you around the compound, then.” He stands up straight and puts on a wide smile. “Now, if you excuse me, I must go walk to my own execution!” He holds up a hoof dramatically to punctuate his words, only to unbalance himself, and fall flat on his face.

Moony quickly shoves her hoof in her mouth to stifle her outright laughter before assisting him back to his hooves. “Get going before you hurt yourself, you goon,” she says, laughter still coloring her tone. Grinning, she leans in for one last quick kiss before turning towards her own room, her tail lightly flicking his face as she slowly staggers away.

Sky blushes deeply, wings snapping out as stares after the mare he had just gone on a date with. Turning, he all but floats down the hallway as he heads back towards the rooms squad six occupies. Strangely, as he gets closer, he finds he no longer worries about his captain’s fury.

Squad 12’s Dorm, 3rd Floor East Wing, Wonderbolts’ Compound --

As Moony opens the door to the shared room that Squad Twelve occupies, she finds the light still on, and pale yellow stallion wearing a red smoking jacket and reading a newspaper sitting in a chair directly across from the door. After a few steps into the room, and the door securely closed, the stallion lowers the paper and raises an eyebrow at Moony.

“Do you know what hour it is, young lady?” Sunny asks his sister with a clearly fake serious look on his face. “And here I thought I told that nice young stallion to bring you home promptly at eleven, not four am.”

Moony, still floating a little herself, merely grins at her twin’s theatrics. “You were too busy getting chewed out to tell him anything, Sunny.”

Waving a hoof dismissively and smiling widely, Sunny leans forward. “Details, details, my dear sister. You chewed us all out quite thoroughly earlier. I think the least you can do is tell us how your date went!” He points to the two other occupants of the room, who are both looking over at their Captain with smiles of their own. “It’s only fair, after all the trouble we went through to get you two hooked up!”

“Are you sure you don’t want to just read about it in the paper?” Moony retorts, laughing even as she blushes, recalling exactly what had ended their evening out.

“Nope!” Sunny declares, rolling his newspaper up. “I want to hear it from the source! Or one of them, anyway. I doubt we’ll be seeing young Sky for a while. Poor colt must be getting the dress down of a lifetime.”

Squad 6, Dorm #2, 3rd Floor West Wing, Wonderbolts Compound --

Stumbling against the door, Sky does his best to figure out which doorknob is the real one. His hoof knocks against the door a few times, loudly, and before he really does figure out the mystery of the elusive doorknob, the door opens from within and he spills inside.

And right into Dancer’s face.

“Good to see you’ve returned,” Dancer yawns as he pulls Sky inside. “Tide was starting to get worried, but Midnight convinced her to get some sleep.” He takes his drunken friend and puts him on his bed. “But, you’ve made quite a bit of noise so…”

“So it’s time you explained why in Celestia’s name you’re just now getting back!” Tide growls from the door. Without waiting for a response, the captain of Squad Six comes inside and looms over her squadmate, a look of deep disapproval on her face. “You three may have convinced me that you going on a date with.... With that sorry excuse for a squad captain was a good idea, but I am still your captain and you should have been back long before now!”

“Aww, you were worried about me!” Sky hiccups, leaning over and hugging his captain. “It’s okay, me ‘n Moony only got into a little-lot of trouble! I am sure the tabloids will treat us well.”

“What!?” Tide exclaims, pressing her face into Sky’s. “Tabloids? WHAT DID YOU TWO DO!?”

“Weeelllllll,” Sky slurs, falling backwards onto his bed, arms splayed out on both sides. “It’s a little hard to remember… but, here is what I remember.”

As Sky starts his story, Midnight walks in with a bowl of popcorn, and sits down next to Dancer.

“Where’d you get that?” Dancer asks absently, taking a hoof-full of popcorn.

“Squad Twelve, said I’d need it,” Midnight replies. “They weren’t wrong.”

“Sooo, the best night ever started with me and Moonbow going to that nice sushi place…” Sky starts, pausing to frown and tap the end of his muzzle. “Sak… sakur…”

“Sakura-Ya,” Midnight supplies helpfully from behind Tide, earning herself a smile from Sky and a glare from Tide.

“Yeah! That place! Thank you, Midnight,” Sky thanks his squadmate with an over exaggerated nod. “We had some of their expensive dishes, nothing that broke the bank, but it was really good…. Oh! And a bottle ‘n a half of rice wine… It was really good.”

Tide’s face goes blank as she hears that last part. “Do you know how much alcohol is in that stuff?”

“No, ‘s just good stuff!” Sky protests, shrugging. “After that, we decided to get some fresh air, n’ walk around Canterlot a bit. Lucky ‘fer us there was this really awesome club down the street, and apparently DJ P0N3 was playing! Y’know, Vinyl from down in the Sound Lab? I’ve never seen her perform before, but she’s reeeaaallllyyy good.”

“She really is,” Dancer agrees as he nibbles on some popcorn. “I’ve seen her perform a few times, she gives Wonderbolts a discount to her shows.”

“Really? I didn’t know that. I’ll have to go sometime,” Midnight chuckles.

“You guys’re my favorite peanut gallery!’ Sky declares, getting off-topic.

“What happened after that?” Tide asks, narrowing her eyes. “Because it better have just been dancing.”

“Oh… We danced… And we told a bunch of ponies we were Wonderbolts!” Sky explains, pointing a hoof up in the air, then looking at it as if it’s the most fascinating thing in the world. ‘They bought us some drinks… I don’t know what they were called, but they tasted better than the rice wine…” He then blushes and giggles. “Then me and Moony danced in the middle of the dance floor, all close n’ stuff. We kissed, n’ danced real close, like nopony else was there.”

“Aww, I knew getting those two together would be cute!” Midnight giggles, bouncing on the bed next to Dancer. “What happened next!”

“Oh… Well, apparently everypony got jealous of us,” Sky continues with a sly grin. “Except for Vinyl. She just raised her glasses and gave us the most encouraging wink ever.”

“Of course she did,” Tide deadpans, putting a hoof to her face. “Please tell me you two didn’t get kicked out!”

“That n’ order?” Sky asks, smiling goofily.

“Depends,” Tide responds slowly, narrowing her eyes. “When I pick up the morning edition of the Canterlot Times, will you two be on the front page?”

“Oh… No, I doubt we’ll be on the front page,” Sky grimaces. “They have to make that page foal-friendly.” He then smiles again and giggles. “Oh! Perhaps Equestria World News? They don’t have to make their covers foal-friendly! Oh, I hope they got a good picture of me and Moony on the dance floor! Moony’d like that for her album!”

“I think I’ve heard enough,” Tide groans before looking to Dancer. “Make sure you get him up bright and early. We’ll see how smug he is doing combat practice with a hangover.” She then looks to Midnight. “Let’s get back to our room, I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a long day…”

“Alright, Tide,” Midnight sighs, handing the bowl of popcorn to Dancer before following Tide. They both quickly leave the room and the two stallions who live there.

“I think I’m in love, Dancer,” Sky says sleepily.

“Of course you are, lover-colt,” Dancer chuckles. “Now, go brush your teeth, and use mouthwash, and get to bed. Tomorrow, you’re going to go through Tartarus with training.” He pauses, looking over at Sky, who has fallen asleep. “Or you can pass out…”

Squad 6, Dorm #1, 3rd Floor West Wing, Wonderbolts Compound --

Tide lays on her back, arms crossed as she glares at the ceiling. “Remind me again why I’m not allowed to kill Moonbow?” she asks nopony in particular.

“Because it’s a violation of the Code,” Midnight yawns, turning over to look at her squad captain. “And you want our younger brother to be happy. So, get some sleep, and you can torment him in the morning for drinking so heavily.” She then turns back over, and after a few seconds points a hoof at Tide. “And stop smiling when you think about pummeling him into the mats because you’re changing up the sparring partners!”

Author's Note

Poor... Scandalized Riptide... What has her little brother Sky gotten himself into?

Thank you for reading!

Written by Witching Hour & Sylvian.

Pt 1 - Captain Moonbow & Lt. Cmdr. Sunshower (The Troll Twins)

“I think you two know why you’re here…” With a disgusted sigh, Spitfire tosses the newspaper down on her desk and looks at the pair of pegasi standing on the other side of her desk. The two bear similar colors but in different order; while the stallion was blond yellow with a gray-violet mane and tail, the latter wrapped up in an inch of blue binding, the mare is the same gray-violet with a blonde mane held back with a dark blue headband and her tail bound up with a blue ribbon in a loose half-bun.

Despite the formality of their visit, they each sport matching smirks and mirthful glints in their green eyes as they see the headline of the Equestria World News (“Squad Twelve Twins: Closer Than Family?!”) accompanied with a picture of the pair making bedroom eyes at each other.

“That’s a rather good picture, don’t you think, ma’am?” the mare asks, trying and failing miserably to conceal (or simply dialing down) her amusement.

“I’m rather fond of it myself. Say, could we have that? I wanna frame it,” the stallion adds, seemingly in all seriousness, drawing a long and exasperated sigh from the Lead Captain.

"I know you two don't really do this, so why do you keep feeding the press shit like this?" Spitfire asks, leaning against her desk and rubbing at her temples.

"It’s funny?" the stallion answers with a shrug.

"It keeps the press off the others?" the mare supplies a breath after her brother, shrugging as well.

Spitfire rolls her eyes, slumping wearily in her seat. "Why do I put up with you two?"

"Because we're under contract and it's not a violation of the Code of Conduct," the mare replies with a somehow straight face, despite the rhetorical nature of Spitfire’s question.

"And you don't really mind..." the stallion adds.

"And if we didn't do this sort of thing, they would've made a bigger deal out of Commander Lightning Streak getting blackout drunk and then kicked out of the bar for getting hoovesy with the owner's daughter..." the mare elaborates helpfully.

"I mean, really, he does that so often! And yet it's never headline news. I wonder why...?" the stallion comments, smirking.

“Captain Moonbow! Commander Sunshower!” Spitfire snaps, annoyed at the twins trading off their explanations. At the captain’s outburst, the twins revert to silent smirking, and Spitfire’s not sure if she prefers their silence or their bantering explanation. Sighing heavily, she tosses the newspaper at the stallion and he quickly catches it before the pages could go flying. “Just… You know what… No… We’re done. Get out before I decide to change my mind and feed you trolls.”

“Awwww…” the stallion pouts, and his sister starts shoving him towards the door.

“Now now Sunny… You heard the captain. We won’t get any food from her so let’s go find somepony who will,” the mare chides, herding her brother out of the office. “B.C. and Azzy might want food too… It’d be selfish of us to horde a meal to ourselves.”

“Fine, Moony…” ‘Sunny’ grumbles playfully, half-heartedly resisting the mare’s pushing. The twins hear Spitfire sigh gustily before the door closes behind them, and it takes all their willpower to hold in their laughter until they’d gotten up to the third floor. Stumbling through their hysterics to the fourth door on the left side of the East Wing, the twins virtually tumble through the door with the nameplate that read:

Squad 12

Elite, Lower Tier

Cptn. Moonbow

Lt. Cmdr. Sunshower

Lt. Azure Star

Lt. Bear Claw

“Meeting with Captain Hotpants go well then?” queries the bright blue mare with brown and gold mane and tail from her perch on the top bunk on the right side of the room.

“As well as can be expected, considering this was the front page, Azzy!” Sunshower replies with a broad grin as he holds up the newspaper for both the mare and her bunkmate, a mottled brown stallion with dirty blond mane and tail on the lower bunk.

“You two are really too good at that… If we didn’t room with you, we’d call you liars!” the stallion comments, smirking.

“Please, B.C.… He’s my brother…” Moonbow retorts, shuddering and rolling her eyes at the stallion, though the effect is ruined by her smile.

“Yeah,” Sunshower pipes up from where he is currently digging through some drawers for some scissors, “It’d be like kissing myself!” He pulls out a mirror and runs a hoof through his mane. “Though, I am quite a looker!” He winks to the mirror then tosses it over his shoulder.

Catching the mirror and setting it down on her brother’s bed, Moonbow chuckles. “Anyway, we should all get some food. Schedules and all that to keep! Besides, afterwards I reserved a gym for us, need to go over some new stuff!”

“Food sounds nice,” Bear Claw says, rolling off of his bunk and to the floor.

“Though not as interesting as the stuff after,” Azure Star chuckles. “What are we practicing anyway, Moony?”

“It’s a surprise!” Moonbow states enthusiastically as she goes over to her brother and taps him on the shoulder. “Ready to go?”

“Hm? Oh, yes I couldn’t find the scissors,” Sunshower says, removing his head from the drawer he was looking in, a pair of fake glasses with over-sized eyebrows on them. “Found my favorite glasses though!”

“I had wondered where those went,” Moonbow laughs, “but come on! All that laughing earlier made me hungry!”

“Alright, alright,” Sunshower chuckles, putting the silly glasses back. “Wonder what they’re serving today. I hope it’s something fun, though I bet the cooks just hate us enough to give us boring food!”

Moonbow laughs in response and heads to the door, followed closely by her brother. The rest of their squad is already in the hallway, and they’re soon all on their way to the mess hall. Squad Twelve laughing and joking the entire way keeps most of the other Wonderbolts at a healthy distance, not willing to suffer the attention of the two leaders of the squad. In fact, quite a few ponies dive into rooms the instant they spot the squad.

By the time they reach the mess hall, the hallway is mostly devoid of ponies of lower rank than them, and quite a few higher.

Striding into the dining area, Sunny takes a deep breath and sighs. “Ahhh, I do so love the smell of unsuspecting ponies in the afternoon.” He rubs his hooves together and chuckles. “Smells like victory.” He then sniffs the air a few times. “No… No, that’s chili... “ He then goes and gets in line for a sandwich, the rest of the squad going and getting their own food. After grabbing his favorite food, a ham sandwich, Sunshower looks around for a place to sit, and spots not only that but potential mealtime entertainment. Going over to his sister, he quickly whispers in her ear, a wide smile crossing her face as she hears what he has found.

“Alright, you two,” Moonbow says to the other two in her squad as they come over. “You’re going to be on your own for lunch, Sunny and I have a mission!”

“Alright, Moony,” Azure says with a nod and a salute with her free hoof, the other holding a tray of food. “Good luck, and Celestia be with you both on your secret mission!” Bear also salutes, but says nothing as he already has one, of many, hotdogs from his tray occupying his mouth.

“Thank you, Lieutenant Azure,” Moonbow replies in a mostly serious tone. “Come, brother, let us commence Operation ‘Chill Fire’!” Sunshower nods, and they both start off towards a table on the other side of the room.

That table just happens to be occupied by a member of Squad Two, which had just finished practice and are now enjoying a quiet, peaceful, lunch.

Unfortunately, the peace cannot last.

“Hi Wave!” Sunshower says as he sits down, or rather springs up from seemingly nowhere, beside Wave Chill. “How are you?”

“What the…?!” Wave all but jumps out of his seat, only to sigh and flatten his ears and narrow his eyes. “Sunshower, what in the name of Celestia are you doing here?”

“Well,” Moonbow says from the other side of Wave. “We saw you sitting here, didn’t we brother,” Sunshower nods, chewing on his sandwich. “And, see, we just met with Captain Hotpants…”

“No, I see where this is going,” Wave states flatly, attempting to stand up only to be forced back down by both Sunshower and Moonbow.

“No, I don’t think you do,” Sunshower says in a dead serious voice. “See, we notice things. Things ponies don’t think we notice, but we do.” He leans over and pokes Wave in the shoulder his smile returning. “And we’ve noticed you and everyone’s favorite career bachelorette are getting kinda close!”

“Putting aside that that is none of your business,” Wave starts, only to frown, “why the hell are you smiling?”

“Because,” Moonbow all but shouts, “this is a monumental occurrence! Surely, the stars are in alignment and the heavens shall celebrate this! Somepony has, at last, come to douse Captain Hotpants’ flames!”

“Excuse me?” Wave sputters. “What in the name of Celestia are you…”

“We’re talking about somepony finally giving her a proper rodeo ride!” Sunshower states, tapping a hoof against the table. “And frankly, it is about time! She is just a bundle of sexual tension and needs!” Sunshower puts a hoof against his chest and sits up straight. “We would know, my sister and I are professionals! We even have cards!”

“You have… cards?” Wave asks slowly. “Dare I…”

“Yup!” Moonbow states, pulling a business card out of nowhere and putting it in front of Wave as her brother does the same. Wave looks down at them and can’t help but facehoof at what is on them.

Captain Moonbow

Professional Troll

“You did this to yourself”

Lt. Cmdr. Sunshower

Professional Troll

“You know what you did, and we’re here to make fun of it.”

“Now, since we are professionals,” Sunshower clears his throat, “it’s our professional recommendation that you go and drag our beloved leader into a closet, and give her some surfing lessons.” Wave looks over at Sunshower with a mixture of horror and confusion. “I anticipated this reaction! That is why I had the trainers work up diagrams! I figured the soldier factory never explained how to properly perform your duties!”

“Diagrams? Seriously?” Wave moans, putting a hoof against his face. “How did you get them to agree to that?”

“Oh, they stopped asking questions of us ages ago!” Moonbow laughs. “We’re still working on Rivet, though. Little stallion is very resilient to our pleading!”

“Mostly because he hides the moment he spots us…” Sunshower adds. “Honestly… You’d think we were going to molest him like Fleet does…”

“It doesn’t help that B.C. got all of us unilaterally banned from his lab…” Moony continues, smiling not unlike a cheshire cat.

“Not that it stops B.C.…” Sunny joins his sister in grinning fit to split his face.

“Can’t you two just -”

“Nope!” the twins reply in vehement and cheerful unison, interrupting their hapless victim.

“I am not looking at any diagrams!” Wave shouts, losing his composure for a moment.

“But we worked so hard on them!” Sunny whines, giving Wave puppy dog eyes, “I mean, I had to annoy Bliss for a full hourrrrr to get her to agree!”

“Now now, dear brother,” Moony sighs, looking at her brother, “if he won’t look at the diagrams, then we’ll just have to not use them.” She then smiles and nods. “Just means we need to pull out the big guns.”

“Plan B?” Sunny asks, perking up.

“Plan B,” Moony agrees with a firm nod.

“Oh, Celestia…” Wave sighs, putting his face in his hooves. “What is plan B?”

“Glad you asked!” Sunny shouts, slamming his hooves against the table causing a loud bang. The room goes silent for a moment as everyone stares at him. Ignoring the looks, which are mostly rolled eyes and sighs, Sunny points over to the rest of his squad a few tables away. “B.C! Hot dog, stat!”

Bear Claw stands up, picks up a hot dog and chucks it at his superior officer, who catches it and sits back down quickly putting an arm around Wave’s neck and pulling him close.

“Now, Wavy, this is a hot dog,” Sunny says slowly, waving the food in Wave’s face.

“No, that’s a bratwurst,” Wave says in a deadpan.

“Wave… I never realized you knew your sausages…” Moony says with an over-dramatic gasp.

“I am not going to feed you two anymore by replying to that,” Wave growls, attempting to get back to his food.

“Oh come on! This is the best entertainment I’ve had all day!” a new voice interjects followed by a tray hitting the table. “You walked right into that sausage joke!”

“Oh, great…” Wave sighs, putting his head against the table.

“Hi Blaze!” Moony greets the other female Wonderbolt with a smile.

“Speaking of food related things,” Sunny says slowly as he looks around, “eat any tacos lately?”

“No! They stopped serving that stuff after you two….’ Blaze comments as she starts to take a bite of her jalapeno sandwich.

“That’s too bad. Better not keep Windy waiting too long,” Sunny continues as if it is the most normal conversation in the world. “Now where’s our favorite narcoleptic? Did you wear her out already? It’s not even past noon!”

As if the question summons her, High Winds sits down next to Blaze and yawns. She looks over at Blaze, who is glaring and all but emitting steam from her ears, then at Sunny, who is wiggling his eyebrows at the other Wonderbolt.

“Did…” High Winds starts, yawning heavily. “Did you break her again, Sunshower?”

“Why, whatever do you mean, Windy?” Sunny asks in an affronted tone as he puts a hoof to his chest. “I would never break your favorite bath toy!”

“Oh…” High Winds yawns again. “Okay.” She then starts eating her own food.

“Now, where were we?” Moony says as she chuckles and shakes her head. “Oh yes!” She turns back to look at her brother. “Still have that sausage?”

“Hmmm?” Sunshower hums around the bratwurst in his mouth. He looks down at it, then at his sister before eating it quickly. “What? I was hungry…”

“Well, great,” Moony sighs. “How are we going to teach this robot the true meaning of Hearth’s Warming now?”

“Plan C?” Sunny suggests with a shrug.

“I don’t know… We usually save that for the press,” Moony raised eyebrow. “I mean, it might overload his poor, little, well-trained mind!” She taps Wave on the head with one hoof.

“I know, dear sister, but desperate times call for desperate measures!” Sunny declares, thrusting a hoof up into the air dramatically. “Now, come, let us show soldier-colt here what must be done!”

“What are you two…” Wave starts, looking between the two siblings, his eyes widening as he notices how they’re looking at each other. “Oh, no… NO! You two are not doing that!”

The twins ignore him though, slowly leaning closer as they give each other the most obvious bedroom eyes ever. Wave flattens himself against the table as the two draw near, Sunny reaching up and gently caressing Moony’s face with a hoof causing a blush to rise on his sister’s face.

“Oh, Sunny, your hooves are always so gentle,” Moony whispers softly, her ears going back against her head.

“Only when they touch you, dear Moony,” Sunshower replies in a voice that causes even High Wind’s ears to perk up and a slight blush to rise on her face. “For I could never bear to even slightly bruise your beautiful face.”

“You always know what to say to make my heart melt,” Moony giggles like a filly, their faces so close to touching. “I know it’s forbidden, but… Sunny I…”

“Hush now, sister,” Sunny coos, putting a hoof over Moony’s lips. “You don’t need to say it…”

Art by Inis Ealga (FiMFic)/(DeviantArt) - Digitized by Inis Ealga - Recolored by me

Right as they're about to kiss, everyone at the table watching with a mixture of interest -- mostly Blaze -- and disgust, there is a loud cough from behind them.

“If you two are done making me want to vomit rainbows,” a gruff voice growls, “I would really like to have a meeting with my squad.”

“Thank you!” Wave shouts, his wings springing out and striking both Sunny and Moony, forcing them away from each other. “Thank you, sir!”

“Awww,” Sunny groans. “You never let us finish Captain Tightpants!”

“Perhaps because there are no press ponies present,” Silver states as he sits down on the other side of Moony. “And nopony wants to see you two make out in the middle of the mess hall.”

“Wow, I have to ask,” Moony says with a straight face. “Do those pants cut off the blood to your old stallion’s pride?” Silver doesn’t even react, just starts eating and ignoring the two trolls. Sighing, Moony looks to her brother, “Come on, Sunny, let's go back to B.C and Azzy.”

“Oh… Okay,” Sunny sighs, then pauses and looks over to Blaze who has returned to eating her sandwich while grumbling about the trolls. “But first, I have a question for you, oh dear Blaze!” Blaze looks up with a glare and opens her mouth to likely tell him to buck off, but Sunny cuts her off. “Can you tell me how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a High Winds?”

High Winds does a spit take, Wave’s wings spring out again, and Silver just sighs and scoots away a little. Blaze all but howls with fury as she goes to launch over the table at Sunny, but before she can, Sunny pulls a whip cream pie out from beneath the table and thrusts it forward into the enraged fire handler’s face as he gets up and sprints away with his sister not far behind.

Howling with laughter, the two make a tactical retreat towards their squad before Blaze can recover. As they reach the other two members of Squad Twelve, they find them ready and waiting for what is to come.

“Prepare for combat!” Moony states in a commanding voice as she slides behind the table. “Our foe shall soon recover from the surprise pie attack, and we must be able to retaliate as we retreat!”

“Yes ma’am!” Bear Claw and Azure shout in unison as they salute. As they go for their food trays, they hear the blood curdling battle cry of Spitfire’s sister as she sprints towards them.

Squad Twelve is unfazed, however, as this is a foe they know well. Standing their ground, the squad readies their edible weapons, preparing to toss them on the word of their commanding officer.

“Steady!” Sunny says, hoisting a bowl of chili. “Do not fire until you see the cream upon her face!” Blaze draws closer, Wonderbolts diving out of the way or even cheering her on. “STEADY!” She is nigh upon them when Moony raises her voice.

“ALL BATTERIES, OPEN FIRE!” Moony shouts, her squad instantly reacting and unleashing a barrage of food.

Blaze is pelted by the food, raising a wing to shield herself as she lands on a table. Reaching down, she scoops up a plate of food and readies to toss it.

“Blaze, put that down!” the Wonderbolt whose food is being commandeered for ammo protests.

Blaze doesn’t reply, instead she throws the plate towards Squad Twelve as she starts to advance again. As she draws close, B.C. looks to the twins and smiles.

“We can hold her, you two should retreat while you can!” He chuckles as he readies a pastry.

“Are you sure?” Sunny asks slowly. “We could never abandon an ally in the heat of battle.”

“Worry not, Sunny! We’ll live to fight another day!” Azure agrees as she chucks a bunch of apple slices like throwing stars. “We’re too pretty to die!”

“Alright, Celestia be with you both!” Moony chuckles as she motions to her brother. “Tactical retreat, Sunny!” The two then make a dash for the door as their squadmates keep Blaze pinned down beneath a rain of food.

As they come to the door, it opens up and the twins skid to a halt so they don’t run right into the lead squad. Soarin is the first through the door, and sighs heavily as he looks to his wrist as if there was a watch on it.

“Is it that time already?” he asks in an off-hooved voice. “I could of sworn it wasn’t Thursday yet.” He opens his mouth to say more, but a pie suddenly flies out of nowhere and smacks him in the face. As it slides off, he grumbles. “Why is it always not apple pie?”

“Aww, but Commander!” Sunny says in a high spirited voice. “We thought you loved cream pies!”

“Only if it has a dash of rainbow sprinkles, dear brother!” Moony corrects as she slides up beside her brother, both of them wearing wide grins. The twins then laugh as Soarin gives them a very disappointed glare and walk out the door, pausing a moment only as they reach Fleet who is doing her best to not laugh. The captain of Squad Twelve hands Fleet a rainbow-sprinkled cream pie with a little flag that says ‘To Cmdr Soarin; Love Moony and Sunny’

The twins then exit the mess hall, and head down the hallway, giggling and snorting as they go. As they turn the corner back into the lobby, Sunny looks to his sister and smiles.

“So, how long do you think it will take for them to figure out it isn’t really a cream pie?”

In response, Moony holds up a wing and extends three feathers. “Three,” she puts one down. “Two,” she puts another down. “One.” The roar of fury that comes from the hallway behind them all but rattles the windows. The troll twins just burst out laughing as Wonderbolts and Auxiliaries nearby look towards the hallway as if Tartarus itself had opened up.

“Let’s go to the gym and start practicing before he can kill us!” Sunny suggests quickly as he grips his sides.

Author's Note

So! Syl and I are the authors on this chapter, collaboratively written, starring Captain Moonbow ("Moony") and Lt. Commander Sunshower ("Sunny"). You can expect Zoljen (with Lt. Azure "Azzy" Star) and Jim Hoxworth (Lt. Bear "B.C." Claw) to come out with their own chapters, starring their own alt-OCs. :trollestia: I'm just a custodian of those chapters, but we're posting them all in once place for ease of reading.

Hope you enjoy! :scootangel:

ADDENDUM: PenumbraGlow0290 just drew some AMAZING art for this chapter, so I had to upload it!