Welcome to Ponyville

by Twifight Sparkill

Rating: teen
Tags: Caramel, Big Macintosh, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1269

• Caramel wishes he'd never moved to the desolate outskirts of Ponyville.

• Caramel wishes he'd never moved to the desolate outskirts of Ponyville. Created in the same gross comedic vein as A Bad Decision and Once Upon a Best Pony. Secreted by the newly awakened Cockroach Club, and prompted by Not_A_Hat.

Published 2015-11-25 06:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-25 06:00:01 UTC

Moving Out

Welcome to Ponyville: Moving Out – by Twifight Sparkill

The heavy green chair settled with a gratifying thud, its short legs sinking gently into the thick orange shag plush of the corner nook carpet as if some defeated beast stuck fast in a sucking quicksand.

Partnered alongside a neatly weathered matte rose bookshelf he'd loaded up with ornaments and virgin candles, all the space lacked now was an eventual floral appointment – a giant fern would really set the place up, the stallion thought to himself. That'd come in time, of course.

"Not bad, not bad at all." he admitted aloud, wiping the beading sweat from his brow with a forelimb.

Regarding the ranch-style house with a satisfied smile, Caramel inwardly celebrated. The move from Canterlot wasn't easy to begin with, especially when conducted and orchestrated all by himself. Only after sleepless days of labour and spent bits, countless impediments, redesigns, and quiet moments pounding his head against whatever wall was available, the endeavour began to appear worthwhile.

The layout was livable in a minimalistic way. Though sparse-chic, it echoed his preference for sensible efficiency – only the most necessary and rudimentary pieces needed to live were here, all built to provide just enough to survive out in the middle of rural nowhere.

With a bit of earthen flair here and there, of course. He loved that orange rug.

After preparing a sweet brewed iced tea, Caramel stepped onto the front porch and fell gratefully into the pillowed luxury of an antique wicker rocker he'd found at a yard sale just outside of his new home town. Sipping at the cooled steeped brew through a straw, he closed his eyes and imagined all the possible adventures to come.

With enough currency left to sustain himself a few weeks, Caramel was able to dream a little. Lovely, winsome isolation awaited; all ready to explore at his leisure. The very idea had him giddy with excitement. He stared out towards the empty horizon and smiled a genuine smile for the first time since this had all began.

He felt that he was finally home.

Suddenly, a billow of dust at the furthest reach of his desolate acreage appeared upon the horizon.

"... what the hay?"

Nopony knew he'd bought a property so far removed from any town or city, so the disturbance left him wondering. After observing for a while, sipping at his drink, he became properly convinced that somepony was purposefully galloping up the dilapidated pathway towards his remote abode.

Who could it be? There wasn't a soul within miles of the little house. Caramel hadn't even considered inviting anyone from his family or list of friends out for a visit... how peculiar.

After a long while, a silhouetted figure began to appear through the cloud. It was definitely a pony; trotting at a brisk gait towards his modest homestead, they appeared to be trespassing with intent.

Caramel elected to wander back inside and pour himself another iced tea. Thinking a moment, he prepared one for his approaching guest as well. Might as well be neighbourly, even if he didn't know if he had any neighbours.

He placed the glasses on a tray and began to march them out to the porch, only to notice that the doorway was awash with kicked-up filth and soil.

His visitor had apparently just arrived.

"Jussec!" Caramel managed around the plank in his maw. "Iw ah cuhminh!"

Stepping outside to the porch, he didn't look up once until absolutely sure his serving of drinks had made it to a flat surface. Making it to the table, Caramel placed the tray down and turned to greet his mysterious guest.

"Hello!" he exclaimed, spinning in place and offering a hoof in welcome. "My name is... uh..."

Caramel blinked a few times. No pony was there. How odd.

"I could have sworn I just..." he muttered to himself, wiping his eyes.

A sound exploded behind him, making him jump enough to nearly bump his head on the porch's rafters.

"Howdy!"

Turning abruptly towards the source of the loud speech, Caramel suddenly came nose to nose with a giant red-haired stallion; his mane was a clumsy mop of thick blonde, and a heavy horse collar hung about his neck between massive workaday shoulders. He smelled faintly of apples.

"Uh..." the smaller pony managed, mouth agape.

"Hey pardner!" the visitor announced in a deep rumbling voice, taking Caramel's forehoof up in an enthusiastic shake.

"Mah name is Big Mac Apple! Ah live on the farm just over yonder! Ah'd heard through the local gossip we'd be gettin' a new neighbour, so I rushed over t'introduce mahself! Good to meetcha!"

Big Mac's vernacular consisted of a thick rural twang, which to Caramel came off as a mixture of inviting and a little intimidating.

"Greetings sir!" Caramel managed meekly in response. He collected himself enough before Big Mac tore his forearm out of its socket, pulling his hoof sharply from the newcomer's firm grasp.

"My name is Caramel. I'm pleased to meet you, Big Mac. Would you like some iced tea?"

The large caller nodded, helped himself to a serving, and finished it in one gulp.

"Thank yeh kindly, Caramel! A body gets right parched out here in the dusty parts of Ponyville!"

A silence fell between the two, despite and mostly due to each pony left staring at each other. Overlooking the unnerving smile he wore, Caramel noted a large green apple on the flank of the apple farmer; the garish fruity cutie-mark struck almost painful in contrast to his otherwise imposing appearance. His fetlocked hooves were each the size of platters, and he easily dwarfed every pony Caramel had ever met in Canterlot.

"... so," Caramel eventually spoke, breaking the silence. "What brings you by, Big Mac?"

The giant red male took a step back and smiled wide.

"Ah'm here to welcome you properly to Ponyville, friend! We Apples have a stern tradition when it comes to new neighbours – if'n somepony moves into the area, we throw them a bull-blasting corn-shucking mother-waking party to end all parties!"

The smaller stallion tapped his chin, considering the enthusiastic offer thoughtfully. He had worked very hard throughout an exhausting relocation, after all. He deserved some social recreation.

"A party, you say?" Caramel queried.

"Oh by heck yes!" Big Mac nodded vigorously. "Not just a party, though... we're talking about a shindig to end all shindigs! A big, breathtaking blowout of epic proportions!"

"Please, do go on." Caramel took a sip of his tea, quietly intrigued.

"Mah family are well known throughout the farmlands for throwing the wildest and craziest gatherings outside of Canterlot, friend!" Big Mac declared proudly, collecting Caramel in a rough sidelong embrace.

"Why, I can promise you'll have the time of your life and beyond! Princesses and heroes have attended our famous celebrations, and nobody has ever left without a big smile and a story to tell!"

"...oh?" Caramel managed breathlessly, crammed within the powerful hug.

"Trust me, you'll love it. Ah promise there'll be tons o' cider drinking, dancing, fighting, and riotous bouts of violent lovemaking!"

"Oh, oh wow!" Caramel exclaimed. "That sounds amazing! Too good to be true! I've had such a long journey, and have worked so hard to settle here! I could definitely use a night like that to adjust and reaffirm my mindset! ... so out of curiosity, how many ponies will be at this party, Big Mac?"

The large stallion smiled wide, pulling him close.

"Oh, it'll just be you and me," he hissed, wiggling his eyebrows.

The End.