My little bitch, fucking is magic.
So I started having these dreams about My Little Pony. And I got sent to a mental hospital. And everybody thought I was crazy. But, turns out. There really is a place...
So fuck you earth!
Yeah. I'm living in a land with no bullshit.
Or at least that's what I thought.
Turns out the fucking pony's have a government. And a set of laws that really limited my fun time.
So, now I'm telling my story in a bedroom to small for me and a picture of Beyonce naked on my bed.
And for some reason I have wings of an angel! (It's not angel wings, its demon wings! He's an asshole!)
I don't know how or why, and if you ask me I would just put poison ivy down in the crack of your ass and put cortisone cream with it. Don't try to rub it out, only going to rub it in.
I came to this world in a fire, a very entertaining fire that.
So, sit back and shut up and listen. I'm going to tell you the story of how I got to this place.
Starting around, fuck I don't know, 3 years ago? Maybe 3 weeks ago? I don't give a shit.
-----dramatic transiston!------
"Sir, his brain waves are fluctuating again. Should we knock him out?"
"No, that will only make things worse."
A burrito splaterd against the window.
"*sigh* I'll go get the cleaners."
"THAT LOOKED LIKE SHIT! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH *cough* *cough*"
"*sigh* Do you want anything else?"
"HOW 'BOUT YOU LET ME WATCH MY SHOW!?"
"Fine. AY CHARLEY! BRING THE TV IN HERE!"
"OK!'
I began to clap furiously, because I can use the glass as a pointy thing.
It wasn't a glamorous tv, but it'll do.
"Turn on SpongeBob!"
"OK."
He did, and I seased the moment.
I kicked him and he flung himself against the tv, breaking the screen.
And forming a perfect knife.
Unfortunately, the other guard saw.
"Hey! He's making a run for it! Stop him!"
A female guard entered and pushed me away from the tv, and started to hand cuff me.
"Ohhhh, you like it rough eh hoochie?"
She slapped me, wrong choice.
I flipped my leg around hers and tripped her.
Her head made contact with the tv, knocking her unconscious.
"Awww, I wanted fun times..."
"Get him!"
"Uh, oh. Time to go!"
"Meep, meep!"
I ran as fast as I could out the door, and getting a major boner thinking about that lady.
"Dam, if only I didn't knock her out I could see her boobs flying when she's running twords me. Ah well!"
I was met with a blinding light out a nowhere and exploded in star stuff.
(+;+;-:+: BMW ck HBO c kc HBO FCC ohckh ed III CNN x km CNN CNN CNN CNN g! ( that's what it felt like going through space, your lungs getting molested.)
You know, I never appreciated space, going this fast is all lines, fantastic.
Hey look, a planet-oh god!
I smashed through the ceiling of what appears to be crystal and landed on my face.
"Oh yes! Oh yes! Right there Shining!"
What the fuck!? Who's fucking!?
"Come on Cadance! Hold still!"
Ohhhhhh! Someone's getting it on!
....Well I got nothing better to do.
I walked were the funny noises were, and came up on a door were the noises were loudest.
And walked inside.
The first thing I saw was two ponies fucking so hard the bed they were 'he-he-hing' on was losing some crystal. I never had issues seeing something I never saw before, so ponies talking isn't something new, well, in my mind at least.
I walked inside a little bit and stood in the entryway.
"Oh my Celestia Shining! Your amayzing!"
And watched.
"Keep going Cadance."
I really have to sneeze....
"Almost there Cadance!"
Uh oh, my nose is not nice today is it?
"I'm coming!"
Ah fuck it.
"Acho."
They both stopped immediately. And looked at me in utter shock.
"What? Never seen anyone watch you having sex before?" I asked.
They just continued to stare.
"What? Do I have something on my face?"
I felt around my face to make sure, I had some sort of fuzzy beard but that's it.
".....w-what are you?" Cadence quietly asked.
"A human."
They both stared at me, not in shock, in surprise.
"Your a human? But I thought humans couldn't speak? Or be intelligent for that matter." Shining looked up and down at me.
"Your larger than most humans that's for sure."
"Beg pardon? There are other humans here?"
"Yeah, we mostly use them as workers or pets, but your different."
I don't think they realize that there still inside each other.
"What? I'm not anyone's pet, unless there nice, then it's okay to touch me." I don't get it, there talking to me WHILE THERE STILL INSIDE EACH OTHER.
"Well, we should take care of him. He is different after all Shining. We can decide what we can do with him tomorrow." Cadence FINNALY got out of Shining and walked over to me.
"Lets get you cleaned up, you look like you've been through a lot." She wiggled her ass at me to follow.
"Ugh, fine."
She pulled me into her room and closed the door behind me. Cadance walked into her bathroom and closed and locked the door.
"Now my human, you are going to experience something nopony will ever experience in there life." She said with a seductive voice.
"If your going to fuck me at least let me take off my pants." I said annoyed.
"No, I meant the shower." She blushed and pointed with her hoof extended.
I turned around and saw a big shower with a gold shower head and an assortment of hair shampoo.
"Oh, right."
