Sixes and Sevens

by GeodesicDragon

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Fluttershy, Profanity, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1498

"Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine!" When Fluttershy tells Discord this harmless joke, she gets a lot more than she bargained for.

"Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine!"

When Fluttershy tells Discord this harmless joke, she gets a lot more than she bargained for.

Published 2015-11-26 14:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-26 14:00:02 UTC

One-Shot

Fluttershy gently pushed Angel aside as she set bags of groceries on the counter, the rabbit protesting meekly. Ignoring him, she began to take various fruits, vegetables, grains and seeds out of the bags and place them in cupboards. Angel tugged at her mane in a vain attempt to get her attention and, when Fluttershy glanced at him, patted his stomach grumpily.

"You'll get your lunch once I put away my shopping, Angel," Fluttershy said. "Can you please wait just a teensy moment?"

Suddenly, the contents of the bags were lifted out by an unseen force and quickly deposited into their respective places. Fluttershy gasped as the final cupboard door slammed shut, watching as the bags were neatly folded and put into a drawer.

"I'm sorry," a voice said. "I didn't mean to startle you, it's just that I thought you could use some help putting that away."

Fluttershy smiled as Discord appeared above her head. "Thank you, Discord," she said. "You're right, I did need help. And now I can make lunch for Angel and all the other animals."

Discord bowed and then moved aside to lay atop the cupboards, watching as Fluttershy began preparing the multitude of lunches for her animal friends. She hummed as she worked, while Angel opted for putting a napkin around his neck and sitting next to his bowl with a knife and fork, ready to eat.

Some time passed, but eventually all of the animals were fed. Fluttershy came out of the kitchen, drying her hooves on a towel, and found Discord playing chess with a clone of himself. The clone moved a piece, then sat back in his chair and grinned. Discord looked at the clone, looked at the board, and then made his move.

"Checkmate."

The clone gasped and looked at the board, then sighed in defeat and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Fluttershy sat down in the newly vacated seat and sighed happily.

"You looked like you were enjoying yourself, Discord."

"I was indeed." Discord nodded. "Honestly, playing with yourself is so much fun — although I can't for the life of me imagine why so many ponies seem to be against it."

Fluttershy coughed awkwardly and fiddled with her mane for a moment, before she decided to change the subject.

"I, um, heard a funny joke while I was out shopping today," she said. "Would you like me to share it?"

"Ooh, is it the one about why Luna was really sent to the moon?" Discord chuckled. "You know, Celestia never could handle the truth, not even when it was painted on a canvas in front of her."

Fluttershy looked perplexed. "It's not that, so let me tell you what it was." she cleared her throat. "Why was six afraid of seven?" When Discord shrugged, she continued. "Because seven ate nine!"

She giggled for a brief moment, but then Discord snorted derisively.

"No, no, no." he shook his head. "Is that what ponies are being led to believe? I know for a fact that six isn't afraid of seven because 'seven ate nine.' That's just nonsense."

Fluttershy cocked her head at him. "It's just a joke, Discord," she said. "'Seven ate nine,' like the number eight. Get it?"

"Six happens to be a friend of mine," Discord snapped back. "And I know for a fact that he wouldn't be happy if he knew that ponies were making up stories about him." He paused. "In fact, why don't I bring him in here so he can tell you the truth?"

He snapped his fingers — and Fluttershy screamed in shock at the sudden appearance of a giant number six, complete with arms, legs, eyes and a mouth.

"Whoa, where am I?" he looked around the room, his eyes coming to rest on Discord and Fluttershy, who was peeking out from behind the couch. "Discord! Long time, no see, amigo. You still into the whole 'bring chaos and mayhem to Equestria' game?"

"Hello, Six," Discord replied. "It has indeed been a while, although a lot has changed since we last saw each other. I'm reformed now, you see, thanks to the efforts of my friend Fluttershy."

He reached behind the couch and picked Fluttershy up, ignoring her squeak of protest, and deposited her next to him. She looked at Six and smiled meekly, hiding behind her mane as was her forte.

"Um, hello, Six," she said. "It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise, I guess." Six gave Discord a confused look. "So, Discord, you wanna tell me what this is all about?"

"Of course." Discord nodded. "Fluttershy, like so many Equestrians, seems to enjoy a joke which implies you are afraid of Seven because, and I quote, 'Seven ate Nine.' I brought you here today so that you might enlighten her with the truth."

Six waved a hand dismissively. "I'm not 'afraid' of Seven at all." he sat down and folded his arms. "Truth be told – and I do apologise for my language, Miss Fluttershy – Seven is a complete bastard."

Fluttershy put a hoof to her mouth in shock. "Oh, my," she said. "Why, um, why do you say that? If you don't mind me asking."

"I don't mind at all," Six replied. "Look, Seven is one of those guys that you're better off not associating with. He's vain, egotistical, arrogant and he only looks out for numero uno — which is ironic, because One hates him just as much as I do."

"I didn't realise that numbers could have personalities." Fluttershy looked amazed. "To think that, all this time, I've only ever thought of numbers as something you write down or read."

"Let me tell you a little story, Fluttershy," Discord said. "Back during my initial reign of chaos – the one I was enjoying before Luna and Celestia put a stop to, that is – I got all the numbers together for what I hoped would be a nice little game of cards."

"Seven was really uppity about winning," Six continued. "Just because he's the number most commonly associated with luck, he was convinced that he was going to clean the rest of us out."

"The game got off to a good start," Discord added. "But then Seven, to his considerable shock, started losing... badly. It wasn't long before he accused the others of cheating. Nine tried to get him to calm down, which instead earned him Seven's wrath."

"Oh, dear," Fluttershy said worriedly. "What happened next?"

"The bastard bit him!" Six shouted. "Before any of us knew what was going on, Seven had leapt across the table and sunk his teeth into Nine's shoulder. Discord was quick to dismiss him back to our universe, but the damage was already done."

"So you see, Fluttershy, the 'joke' is actually completely wrong." Discord smirked. "Seven didn't 'eat' Nine in the literal sense, as you've been led to believe, he actually took a bite out of him."

Fluttershy nodded. "Thank you for sharing that with me," she said. "The next time I hear that joke, I'll be sure to pass on the truth."

"That would be very much appreciated, thank you." Six bowed to Fluttershy, then stood up. "It's been nice seeing you again, Discord, but we need to catch up properly at some point. In the meantime, if there's nothing else, you can send me home."

Discord snapped his fingers, and Six disappeared. "It's always nice to catch up with an old friend. Wouldn't you agree, Fluttershy?"

"Oh, yes," she said. "Thank you for giving me the opportunity to learn the truth, Discord. I'll be sure to pass on what I've learned."

"And I think you've learned a valuable lesson about not believing everything you hear?" Discord asked. "After all, nopony can be sure that what they're being told is the truth."

"I'll be careful in future, Discord." Fluttershy smiled. "I promise."

"Good." Discord clapped his hands together. "Anyway, shall I tell you the story I hinted at earlier? You know, the one about why Luna was really banished to the moon?"

"But... Nightmare Moon—"

"Pish posh, Fluttershy, that was just a legend Celestia made up to hide the truth. The real reason Luna was banished was a combination of Celestia's vanity, and Luna's skill with a brush..."

Fluttershy shrugged, and settled down as Discord launched into an extraordinary tale — knowing full well that she'd have to keep her newly learned lesson close to her heart.

Author's Note

This story was brought to you by painkillers. 'nuff said.

For the record, I would like to point out that I wasn't high or anything; when I take painkillers, they tend to inspire random acts of creativity within me.

~~Also, bonus points if you spot the reference I've left.~~

UPDATE (30/01/23): Since only one person has got it, Discord's line about Luna being sent to the moon because of Celestia's vanity and her skills with a brush is a reference to this picture.