A Limited Time Offer

by Midnight Magician

The Sassy Secretary

Previous Chapter

"Hurry up Zoan, let's get this over with!" Mendax ordered his newly accepted partner as they quickly trotted towards the City Hall of Ponyville. Zoan was actually moving slightly slower than the colt as she held her hoof over her painfully arched back. "Take it easy on me, would you? I guarantee you that this town has better places to sleep than those horrible park benches!" She was right, of course. The town was sure to have some place for travelers to stay, but currently all of their money was back in Canterlot. For all intents and purposes, they were completely broke! Mendax looked up towards the sun, squinting. "I know Zoan, but just think about it! Once we get this little job of ours done, we'll be sleeping on the most comfortable beds Equestria has to offer!"

Zoan perked up considerably and slowly caught up to Mendax, still over-dramatizing the pain in her back from sleeping on what she apparently considered to be the least comfortable bench ever crafted. The two ponies made their way towards their ultimate destination while curiously allowing their eyes to drift over all of the various ponies that were going on with their normal, everyday business. He watched intently as a bubblegum-pink mare lead a small group of school-foals through the town. They chattered excitedly as they cantered behind their teacher. It was apparent that they were on some field-trip. One of the fillies glanced over and saw Mendax staring at them. Mendax quickly looked away, pretending to be absorbed in something else, but could still barely hear the filly say to another, "Hey, look at those two ponies. They're new. They'd better hope that Pinkie Pie hasn't caught wind of them yet. She's been begging for a reason to throw a party!"

Mendax quickened his pace, to Zoan's dismay, as he tried to gain distance between the fillies and himself. "I wonder who Pinkie Pie is." Mendax thought to himself. I don't suppose it matters, really. I just need to be sure she doesn't meet me. Last thing I need is some high-profile party to make my presence known to everypony. They'll ask questions, I bet." Zoan suddenly moaned, "Oh look! There's that boutique again! I wonder what kind of dresses they have for sale!" Mendax shook his head at Zoan and stated simply, "Maybe we'll have a look around town after we finish our job, eh?" Zoan gave her companion a disheartened glare, but to no avail.

As the two continued their short journey to City Hall, Mendax couldn't help but stir up some conversation. He was a pony of many words, after all. "So Zoan," Mendax began, successfully capturing the mare's attention. "Are you nervous?" The dark-grey colt let a cool smile play across his lips. Zoan considered for a moment and answered with a shrug, "Not really. I know that we're like, the best ponies for the job, right? We'll be in and out in no time!" She finished her answer with an added flame to her voice. Mendax laughed warmly, "I hate to say it, but I agree with you. I hate to sound like I have a prejudice but, let's face it. Two Canterlot ponies like us against these small-time ponies? I think we have their number, right?" Mendax and Zoan both allowed themselves a good laugh at the expense of the citizens of Ponyville, who were too busy going about their day to even overhear what the two unfamiliar ponies were saying.

The sun was at its highest point in the cloudless sky as Mendax and Zoan finally made their way up the steps of City Hall. The two companions stopped their mindless chatter as they began to realize the gravity of what lied ahead. Mendax noticed that Zoan was absolutely quiet, as if she too was assessing the situation. Though he would never admit it to his friend, he was definitely nervous. Why shouldn't he be? This was a huge deal! If he screwed up, what would the Boss do to retaliate? Even worse, what would the ponies of Ponyville do to him if they figured out what he was planning to do? All that talk Mendax did to Zoan was just that, all talk! Zoan couldn't know he was nervous though, it could easily compromise her confidence. If anything was essential at this moment, the moment of truth, it was confidence.

Mendax gave Zoan a reassuring smile. She returned it, and quickly replaced it with a determined expression. "Do you have the contract?" Mendax inquired of his accomplice. She nodded importantly and turned her head to pull it from her saddlebag. She dropped it from her mouth and Mendax caught it with his hoof. "So, do we have a game plan?" Zoan asked, obviously feeling as unsettled as her partner. Mendax had a bright gleam in his eye as he chimed, "Game plan? Here it is. We talk, we flatter, we lie, we get the contract signed, we leave, we hit it rich!" He put up a hoof and Zoan energetically slammed hers against it. The two ponies walked in to the City Hall, side by side, ready to face whatever came their way!

--

The con-artists swung the front doors of the City Hall open and calmly trotted in, looks of determination flooding their features. They were currently in the waiting room, which consisted of a few chairs and a desk with an irritated, blue mare waiting behind it. As the two made their way in, the mare behind the desk coughed slightly, signaling them to come over to her desk. As they moved towards her, she began speaking in a bored, I-really-wish-I-weren't-here-right-now voice. "What are your names, please?" Mendax quickly signaled for Zoan to keep quiet, as she began to answer the secretary. Mendax smiled politely and said, "My name is Nocturn," he then gestured towards Zoan and finished, "and this is HoneyBloom." Zoan indiscreetly winked and giggled slightly, causing Mendax to roll his eyes as the secretary continued staring at them with her infinitely groggy expression. The blue mare looked down towards a small list that she had laid out on her desk and quickly ran a hoof down the names, scanning them. She looked back up to the two ponies.

"Neither of you have an appointment, she stated simply. "If you want to speak with the mayor, you have to make an appointment so that she can schedule a meeting with you. That is, if she considers you a priority."

"Okay, Mendax thought desperately, "I suppose it's time for me to try and work my charm." Mendax stood up on his hind-legs and leaned onto the desk so that he was mere inches from the mare's face. He sighed, "Look, I'm sure there is some way you can get me an appointment with the mayor, right? I mean, such a gorgeous mare like yourself has to have some kind of pull around here. I mean, in the end, I can see who the real brains behind the Ponyville political system is." Mendax tried to keep a smile on his face as he tried to flatter her, but even as the words escaped his lips, he knew that he had just fallen flat on his face.

"Ponyville political system?" the secretary repeated harshly. "What in Equestria are you blabbering about? Look, I'll put this in terms that even an idiot can understand! You," she roughly jolted her hoof against the stallion's chest, "need to make an appointment!" Mendax let himself fall back from the desk and slowly rubbed a hoof over where the mare assaulted him. He begged, "There's no other way that I could possibly-"

"NO!" the irritable mare interrupted. "Now if you're finished wasting my time, I have other things I'd like to get finished today! Good day to you both!" She finished her rant and began looking down at what appeared to be tedious paperwork. Zoan raised her eyebrows at Mendax, who was still shocked at the rudeness of this mare. She moved forward slowly, "Ma'am" she began, "When is the mayor's schedule opened up again?" Without looking up, the secretary answered gruffly, "I'd say in about a month." Mendax let out a loud cough and motioned for Zoan to move closer to him. As she did, he began whispering urgently, "We do NOT have a month to wait! We have to think of something quick! Come on, we'll leave and come up with another plan."

The two ponies, dissapointed and defeated, turned to exit the waiting room. Just then, the secretary blurted out, "So how bad do you want to see the mayor?" Mendax quickly spun around. "Excuse me, madam?" he responded politely. She rephrased, "Are you willing to help me a little bit? Maybe I could get you an earlier appointment if you help me out a little." Mendax considered. He chanced a quick glance over to Zoan, who shrugged when their eyes met.

"What would you have us do, if I may ask?" The secretary leaned on her desk and explained. "Look, the reason I'm being such a...donkey is because I have a lot on my mind. Though I'm mostly a secretary, I have other duties that I'm expected to carry out. Today, for instance, I've been tasked with checking on a certain situation with the Apple family in Apple Acres. Apparently, they are having a hard time getting ponies to buy their apples and the mayor expects ME to somehow magically help them increase their sales. I was thinking, if you could do this in my place, I MAY be able to slide you in for a meeting with the mayor very soon. Sound like a deal?"

Mendax considered this proposition. It was definitely appealing, and it currently seemed their only absolute option. With an approving nod presented from Zoan, Mendax stepped back up to the desk and announced, "Madam, you have a deal!" He put his hoof out and they sealed the pact. The secretary's face finally lit up and she squealed, "Oh, thank you so much, Nocturn!" Mendax faultered slightly, but then remembered that Nocturn was his temporary, Ponyville name.

"No problem, my dear!" Mendax laughed, "You can consider it done!" And with that, Mendax and Zoan quickly exited the City Hall. As they opened the doors back out into Ponyville, they felt the warm sun bathe them in its brilliant warmth.

As the two ponies began working their way down the steps of City Hall, Mendax noticed that Zoan was looking depressed. Not being the colt to allow such negative emotion to be in his company, he questioned her. "Is everything okay, Zoan?" Zoan looked up at her leader, "We really stunk in there, didn't we? We didn't do anything we went in to do. We didn't even get to see the mayor!" Mendax waved a dismissing hoof. "I never said it would be easy!"

"You did, actually. What about everything you said about us having their 'number' and what-not?" Mendax stopped at the bottom of the staircase and sat down on the final step. Zoan followed suit. "Look Zoan, sure things didn't go exactly as planned, but when do they? We haven't failed, we just get to have a little extra fun before we slam this whole eyesore to the ground, okay?" Zoan's eyes were still fogged up with worry and shame at having failed. She moaned, "But we're supposed to be the best, remember?" Mendax put up a reassuring hoof and placed it gently on her shoulder, giving her a coy wink. "We ARE the best, you'll see soon enough." Zoan smiled at the slick colt. "Okay," she said finally, "Where do we go next?"

Mendax stood up from the staircase and looked towards a large plot of land, dotted with apple trees. Even from their considerable distance, it was easy to tell where Apple Acres was located. "We're going to go help the Apples with their sales problem. If there's anything I know how to do, it's how to sell anything to anypony!" With a renewed vigour, Mendax bolted towards the labyrinth of trees at a dead gallop, with Zoan following close behind him, laughing as she chased her beloved friend.

(Next Chapter- Apples and Oranges.)