Welcome Strangah!

by Dustchu

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life, Crossover, Human, Dark
Length: 4652

The Merchant from Resident Evil 4 ends up in Equestria, he only has one question for the inhabitants...

What are ye buyin'?

He's the guy you go to for weapons, case upgrades, weapon attachments, and first aid, as well as nicknacks. He's shrouded in mystery, a heavy coat, and has more guns then you care to acknowledge. He's your friend, and now he's in Equestria.

Fully stocked too!

$$$ ~cha-ching~ $$$

He he he he, thank you.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-28 21:33:06 UTC

Strange Lands

Ahhh Equestria...a land of friendship and harmony, sunshine and rainbows, and happy ponies. Sure it had a few deadly creatures, crazy magical flowers, insane tyrannical beings of great power and egotistical jerks out the wazoo, it was still a nice place to visit! It was also a place to begin anew! Start a business, get a nice customer base, lay back and enjoy the money flowing in. You can also make friends pretty easily, so they say.

It was a world filled with many strange things... and its about to get even stranger.

"Strange, very strange." Spoke a strange creature dressed in a large dark and heavy coat, a large backpack, heavy boots and a purple wrapping around his face. Blue eyes scanned the forest he was in, darting to the left and the right. The trees were as green as could be, covered in bright red apples unlike any he had ever seen, the grass was tall and lacked the brownish or yellow shades he was used to. The rocks themselves even seemed colorful, and the leaves too.

His name, was The Merchant... and he wasn't in Africa anymore.

He pondered where he was as he strode through the trees, passing by each one and giving them a scrutinizing gaze. He was born in Spain, and had never seen such green in his entire life, and to see it... was quite a sight. He didn't know how he ended up in this place to begin with, one minute he was waiting for his best customer and his friend to appear in the cave he was in - The Big Strangah - when all of a sudden, his blue flame candles exploded beside him. When his eyes cleared up, he was standing in the orchard, something he found incredibly odd.

That's what I get for using magical candles, He mused, next time he noted he'd use simple candles and be content with that. He just used the blue flamed ones cause they drew in customers, and looked pretty. Now it seems his choice of candle light has somehow transported him to an entirely new land, a strange land filled with strange bright colors. His coat rustled as he walked, the contents of both his backpack and coat jingled and clanked as he walked, he just restocked on items, and while he was used to the heavy weight, he hoped he wouldn't have to drop anything to run.

Getting new stock was hard.

*KER-THUNK*

He hmm'ed in question at the noise, it sounded like someone had hit something. Raising an eyebrow, he reached into his coat for his personal firearm. He pulled the firearm out, and opened the break, noting the six shells inside, he closed it before pulling back the hammer. While he was a merchant who sold pretty much anything - except ammo - he was no slouch when it came to utilizing his own stock for protection.

The Merchant made his way forward, grass and leaves crunching underfoot. He wondered if there were any Ganado, Majini or J'avo present, he was no stranger to the creatures that infested his homeland, and pretty much half the world. They were all peaceful people, some he occasionally traded with, only they were changed one day. Their sanity destroyed by Saddler and the Plaga, turned into creatures with no freedom. He had hoped that with the cop that, the Plaga would be stopped... but somehow it got out, and it was now infesting other parts of the world.

Once he made his way closer to the noise, he hid behind one of the trees and peered out from behind it. He saw more trees, and what looked like a barn in the distance. But his eyes were drawn to the cart nearby, and the creature hitting a tree. He saw an orange pony, with a blonde mane and tail, and strangely enough the pony was wearing a stetson hat.

Strange. He noted, he had seen many strange things, but this was very strange. He pondered the pony's large eyes and odd stature, she was unlike any equine he's seen in his lifetime. It seemed almost cartoonish to him, and if the eyelashes were anything to go by, it was a female. She was far too colorful to be a Las Plaga infected, so deciding not to scare off the pony - and potential customer - he holstered his firearm within his coat and stepped out slowly.

His boots crunching twigs must have alerted the pony to his presence, because her head whipped to the right, her large green eyes staring directly at him. She looked alarmed for a few seconds, stepping back and narrowing her eyes. A snort. "Who are you?"

She speaks... The pony spoke to him, in a clear southern accent...

How strange...

The Merchant held up his hands, and smiled even thought it was unseen by his mask. "I mean no harm to ya little strangah," he told her, getting a look of surprise from her. "I'm afraid I'm a bit," he chuckled, "lost."

Her eyes locked on his for a moment, and she relaxed before she asked, "lost you say?" When the man nodded his head, she sighed through her nose. "Where'd you come from then?" She asked, keeping her distance from the man. She didn't see any malice in his eyes, and his tone was kind enough.

Another chuckle from the man, and he said, "That's the thing little strangah, I'm not entirely sure myself how I got here," he put his hands down, keeping them at his sides. "One moment I was in my cave, waiting for my loyal and valued customer to show, when all of a sudden my candles exploded, and I was in this orchard." The Merchant explained, it sounded silly when he told her. His candles exploding and he was now in an apple orchard of all things, it was... strange. "If you could tell me where I am, I'd... appreciate it kindly, strangah."

"Mah name's Applejack," She introduced herself, deciding to be kindly. She trotted over to the man and held out her hoof, "and this here is Sweet Apple Acres."

Chuckling, he took her hoof and gave it a hearty shake. "Thank you." Looking around the farm, he asked. "Where are the owners of this, fine farm?" He wondered, he was curious as to why the farmers had a talking pony doing work.

A laugh from Applejack, which made The Merchant raise an eyebrow. Applejack pushed her hat back and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Ohoho that's a funny one mister, heehee!"  She shook her head, sighing. "Ah'm the owner of this here farm, along with my brother, we both work, ain't nopony else working here cept for my sis and granny." She told the man as they ended the shake.

The Merchant tilted his head at the pony. A farm run by ponies? "Strange," He muttered to himself, in all his years he never expected to see a farm run by ponies. But, he did come from a land overrun by a cult and creatures that burrowed themselves down your throat and took control of your body. "Pray tell, do you know of where I may... acquire some assistance?" While he was enjoying Applejack's company, he needed to find some help.

"Well shoot, Ah'm friends with the Princess of Friendship, Ah'm sure she could help ya out." She said, turning on her heel. "Just follow me to the farmhouse so's Ah can get my brother to take over for me, then Ah'll take you ta see Twilight."

He had nothing to say, only nodding his head and following the pony's lead. After all, the customer is always right! He told himself, after all the times that cop told him to stock up on better weapons, he's taken that to heart and it got him more business, such as with the Red Lady - Rude Strangah and the best customer he's ever had - Blonde Strangah - some others that shall not be named. He wondered what to expect from the farmhouse, as well as from the so called Princess of Friendship. Such a title sounded silly to him, how can one be the princess of friendship? He thought, it sounded strange to him...

Then again, he is following a orange pony wearing a cowboy hat and has the cutest accent he's ever heard in his life. He's only heard one other southerner before, and that was a strangah who was obsessed with finding something called Red Queen and had an affinity for finding rare items. He never found out what happened to the kid, he was pretty broke half the time, but he always had some very interesting things to trade for guns. Odd trinkets with a nice shine to them, or some rare items with some good value.

The two made their way across the field, and the further they went the more The Merchant was impressed by the farm. Well used by maintained tools were leaning by the barn, he saw some crops growing in another field nearby, corn from the looks of the stalks, and every one of them looked healthy as can be. The buildings needed to be fixed up a bit, but other then that they were nice looking, homely even. And as they drew closer to the farmhouse,  The Merchant smelled something cooking, and it smelled delicious.

The Merchant stopped as Applejack trotted up to the door and opened it - somehow - and went inside. "Ah'll be back in a second, stranger." She tipped her hat, disappearing inside.

Strange indeed. The farm was a very nice place, had the smell of a well run farm, good food and if Applejack was anything to take from it, the people were nice and friendly. A stark contrast to most of the places I've been. He laughed to himself, unaware something as approaching him. Normally he had good instincts, but it seemed they were starting to wane in such a friendly atmosphere, something that he was unused to.

"What in the hay are you?" He heard from behind him.

The Merchant turned to look behind him, and he saw another pony standing behind him, this one however was far smaller then Applejack, and it was accompanied by two others. A unicorn, and a pegasus! They were tiny, and oh so adorable... and oh so strange. he rose an eyebrow at the three. "Why, I am The Merchant, little strangahs." He informed them, chuckling as he looked down at the three ponies. He didn't think he'd see a unicorn, or a pegasus for that matter. What else lurks in this land? He wondered.

"The Merchant?" The middle one asked, tilting her head and scratching the back of her head just under her bow. "You mean like, you sell stuff?"

"Heheheh, yes I do little strangah!" He replied, a thought floating in his head on the idea of selling weapons to ponies. He didn't think there were any threats that would require what he was carrying, but eh, he's seen stranger things...

Like talking ponies for example.

"What do you sell? Where's your shop?" The small white one squeaked.

Another chuckle, before he grabbed his coat's opening and pulled it open, "I got a good selection of things on sale, little strangah~" He chimed, showing the boxes of ammunition, bullets and shells, knives and vials of herbs, among other things within his coat. On the other side of his coat were several firearms, handguns and revolvers, a few TMPs and even a rifle. On his chest were bandoleers filled with shells and cartridges, some small bags of herb seeds - for planting - medicine of his own creation, and holsters and sheathes with many more different weapons... and that was just under his coat.

The three fillies ooh'ed and ahh'ed at his wares, not entirely understanding the man was basically carrying around five tons of death in his pockets. Sweetie Belle - Let's get their names out of the way for the sake of my sanity - trotted up to his coat, looking at all of the items he had within. "You sure do have a lot of knives." She noted, and they were big.

"Heheheh, one can never have too many knives little strangah!"

"My name is Sweetie Belle!" She chirped, hopping back and landing next to her friends. "And these are my friends!"

"I'm Scootaloo!" the orange pegasus informed him.

"And Ah'm Apple Bloom!" The earth pony chimed in.

"And we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders!" They all yelled, much to The Merchant's disdain as he was somehow sent skidding backwards.

What a mighty shout! He shook his head as he came to a stop, closing his coat and saying, "crusaders eh?" He murmured.

"Yep! We used to crusade for our cutie marks!" Scootaloo said, turning around and showing her flank, which had a symbol of a tri-colored shield on it with a wing on it, the other two fillies had something similar, however the symbol on the shield was changed to a musical note for Sweetie, and an apple with a heart in it for Apple Bloom. "but we managed to get them finally, so we don't really crusade anymore."

"Yeah." Sweetie and AB nodded their heads.

Strange marks. The Merchant hummed, what were those marks, they didn't look like any branding he's seen. He was going to question their purpose when Applejack appeared, eyeing the scene with a look of suspicion.

Applejack trotted down the steps, "Howdy girls," She nodded to them with a suspicious smile, she turned to The Merchant. "My brother is going to take care of things here, you ready to go?" She asked him.

"Aye, I am strangah." He laughed as AJ started walking down the path, The Merchant following close behind with the Crusaders.

The group walked in relative silence, until Applejack asked, "say, you never did tell me your name, stranger." She turned to look at him, he was slouching ever so slightly and pondered what he was carrying.

"You may call me, The Merchant." He told her, while he valued his customers purchases and their integrity, he didn't exactly give out his name to them. Not even to his most best customers!

The mare next to him made a humming noise, then shrugged before continuing the trek, wondering who he was exactly and what his intentions were in Equestria... she could only hope they were good ones...

A Strange Princess

It had been a few minutes since our beloved Merchant wound up with AJ and was walking down the road followed closely by the Crusaders, and all was right with the world... in a sense. As right as it can be when you have someone carrying around ten tons of death in their coat, that is. The group hadn't said much, The Merchant would occasionally ask about the town they were approaching, and if they would be interested in purchasing his wares. When Applejack asked about what he sold, he showed her what it was he carried.

She became worried about the insane amount of weapons he had on his person. She knew a combat knife when she saw one, as well as other types of knives, but the other things escaped her, but judging from everything he carried and how he said they were good for taking care of nasty critters, she assumed they were also weapons. And he had plenty of them in his coat, more then enough to effectively make him a threat. When confronted, he said shooting up a potential customer base wasn't good for business, and he was no threat to anyone unless provoked.

The mare was suspicious, but the man didn't make any moves to stop her when she almost attacked him just a few seconds ago. Thankfully any further fighting between the two was stopped when they reached the town, and when the population spotted the man, some ran, others stared and kept their distance, while some others wandered closer to him to ask who and what he was.

The Merchant merely informed them he was a simple Merchant selling various goods, and when he showed them, well... some weren't too happy with his selection of death and beat it fast as they came. He was disappointed, but shrugged, maybe there were others who wouldn't mind buying what he had.

What a strange little town this is. The Merchant chuckled as he eyed the citizens looking at him with looks of suspicion, others with gazes of fear. It was understandable, that much he knew, he was carrying around a ton of weaponry that, if he were so inclined, he could kill every one of the ponies he's seen so far. But he didn't, he simply wasn't that cold-hearted and cruel, so far the ponies haven't done anything against him to make him feel like killing them would be a good idea.

Besides, if he went around killing everyone he saw, it'd put a bad mark on his reputation!

Bad for business. He nodded silently to himself as they walked through the town. If The Merchant had to admit anything about this place, its that it looked simply homely, the houses were built nicely with thatched roofs and had a nice atmosphere around them, there were bright colorful flowers growing in front of houses and along the paths, and there was a smell in the air that, while he couldn't identify it, was very pleasant.

It was a stark contrast to the village he came from, the water was clean and crystal clear, and there was all kinds of wildlife around the town. He saw some rabbits, birds, frogs, ducks, it was very lively and very different from Spain.

A nice change~ The Merchant nodded once more, it was a very nice change. Being able to walk around, and not have the inkling that something was out to get you, it was nice to not have that feeling lingering over his shoulder like a leech. The man didn't know how to react to this new information, he just figured he would play it by ear until he got a good grasp as to the severity of his situation. Was he stuck here for good? Was there a way back to Africa?

Did he want to go back, after everything he's had to suffer through, the loss and the pain?

"Well, here we are Mister Merchant." Applejack announced, breaking him out of his thoughts.

The man hmm'ed in thought, looking up at the location he as brought to. An eyebrow rose in shock as he saw where he was brought to, a large crystal castle... "This is very... strange." He commented, he's seen castles before, in fact he lurked around one in Spain, selling weapons to the officer as he tried to take down Saddler. It, however, was not colored like a giant crystal and certainly wasn't this colorful or tacky looking. It was dark and Gothic, and had many secrets and traps strewn throughout its dark halls and passageways.

This place looked like something out of a child's cartoon show.

"Well, we should head on inside, Twilight's the one you'll be wanting ta talk to." Applejack informed the human, trotting up the steps as the CMC followed close behind. The Merchant hummed in thought before following the ponies, after all, what could go wrong?

A Few Minutes Later

Everything could go wrong actually, especially when Twilight was in full re-shelving mode inside of her library. Applejack and the crusaders had led the Merchant through the castle, the man taking in everything he saw with bated breath. The castle's halls were very bright, with many doors lining the halls and corridors leading to who knows where. Eventually, they made it to the library, a large looking room with dozens and dozens of books. AJ and the crusaders were standing in said library, watching as the lavender princess as she feverishly shelved books left and right, giggling to herself all the while.

Needless to say, The Merchant was at a loss as to the proper way to react. to this situation. He's seen some pretty manic individuals, but this princess looked to be bordering on near obsession with how she was placed her books in their shelves. And to The Merchant's surprise, there was a small purple/green dragon following her around with a tired expression on her face.

This whole thing...

Was very strange...

"Ehehe," Applejack chuckled, rubbing the back of her head. "She uh... she does this a lot."

"She's a strange one she is." He mused, getting a few giggles from the CMC, he allowed himself a smile at that and a chuckle. Their noise seemed to have broken Twilight out of her sorting, as she turned her head to look at the intruders.

The mare's eyes widened as she caught the eyes of The Merchant.

"Hello there, Strangah." He greeted, waving a hand at her as she flapped her wings, hovering in mid air.

"Applejack," The mare started, "who is this? In fact, what is this?"

The farmer tapped The Merchant's leg, "This here is The Merchant, some feller that got lost and wound up on mah farm." She explained to her friend, she wasn't sure what else to say, so she added. "He's looking fer some help, so Ah brought him here, figured you could help out." She smiled, she hoped she would help, she wasn't sure what to do with this human. He was very strange.

Twilight hummed a little as she landed on the floor, and started trotting over to the human. She examined his coat, his eyes and the strange mask he was wearing, her horn started to glow and she started the process of scanning the human for any harmful or dark magicks. The Merchant seemed to shiver from the feeling, he could feel the magic aura going places it shouldn't be going, but he allowed it to happen. After all, if he wanted to figure out where he was, and what was going on, he needed to be cooperative.

After what felt like several hours, - when it was actually a minute or so - she stopped and smiled. "I can't sense any dark magick, but there is something that I can exactly pinpoint that is surrounding you... hmm..." Twilight stepped back, her eyes going up and down The Merchant's cloak with an inspecting gaze. "Can you do any magic?"

Another chuckle from him, "No I am afraid not little pony," he said before reaching into his coat, pulling out a black box. "But this... this, is magic~" He informed her as he opened the box, pulled out a small blue colored candle and held it in his hand before pulling out a lighter and flicking it on. He carefully held the open flame to the wick, and in a flash, the wick exploded into a blue flame. The Crusaders all Ooo'd at the candle, AJ tilted her head, and Twilight looked unammused.

"I have some candles like that, its not exactly magic... uhh," Twilight never did ask for his name. "Who are you?"

With a -unseen- frown of disappointedment, The Merchant put his candle out and deftly returned it back within the folds of his coat before saying, "I am The Merchant," He introduced himself, bowing his head slightly to the mare. "Hehehe, I understand that you might be able to... assist me."

The alicorn hummed in thought, looking at The Merchant. "Maybe... what do you need help with?" She asked, smiling slightly.

With a slight chuckle, he started, "Hehehe, I was merely standing in my cave, when my candles had suddenly exploded beside me." He explained to her, arms hanging by his side as he looked down at her with a slight slouch. "Then I was in her orchard... I am wondering if perhaps... you can send me back to my own world." He finished, as his thoughts turned to what he just said. He was in another world, one that looked very much like a cartoon of sorts, even these creatures, with their large expressive eyes were a tad bit unnerving to him.

He dealt with stranger things, of course.

"Your own world?" Twilight asked. "I... think I might be able to help you with that, I'm not sure however." She explained, before turning towards her bookshelves and walking over to them before pulling a book out. "After all, trans-demensional travel is extremely hard magic, and only one pony was every capable of doing that. And he did it without magic, he just made the portal to Equestria's alternate universe, where some of my other friends are at."

To say the Merchant was lost would be an understatement, he listened to what she was telling him, but seemed to be confused. Trans-demensional travel? He pondered, was such a thing possible? It seemed so, considering his current location, but was this world connected to his own? Or was he thrown halfway across space and time and into a cartoony looking place, because some deity was bored? He had no clue, but if he could get back home, that would be great...

But again, did he want to?

" -ing. So really, it's up to Princess Celestia to help me out with this, assuming we can power a portal to your own world... finding it however, is another story entirely." Twilight went on, as AJ had gotten lost after the first sentence and went over to talk with Spike. "I mean, there are hundreds, if not thousands of worlds... finding yours specifically would be a challange." She told him, turning to look up from her book to find the Merchant fiddling with something in his pocket.

"I see." He said quietly, looking around the room he was in with a curious gaze. He saw many books lining the shelves, big ones and small ones, hardbacks from the looks of them all and he found himself somewhat intrgued by the potential knowledge within their folds. They spoke the same language, but did they write the same?

"Don't worry! I'm sure we'll find it and get you home safe and sound!" Twilight smiled brightly, closing her book as she looked up at him. "I'll jsut have to send a letter to the princess."

Looking back down at the mare, the Merchant rose an eyebrow. "Princess?" He heard Twilight mention a princess before, but didn't think anything of it.

"Yes," Twilight nodded, smiling still. "She's my former mentor, and she's one of the most powerful alicorns in existence! I'm positive she can help you." She told him, before trotting over to the dragon, Spike as AJ walked back over to the human.

AJ tilted her hat back as she sat down, blonde tail swishing to curl around her legs as she looked up at him. "So, what's th' word partner?"

The Merchant hmm'd to himself, hands in his coat pockets as he watched the small dragon begin writing something on parchment. "The purple one says her... princess can aid me in... returning, hehehe." He chuckled, the very idea of being helped by colorful ponies tickled him, and he began wondering if he was really in another world, or if he simply died and was whisked away to some magical afterlife.

"Princess Celestia is one powerful alicorn," AJ grinned, "If anypony can help you out, its her, Ah reckon."

Hopefully. The Merchant thought but didn't say, as he watched the parchment get consumed in green fire before zipping out an open window. Strange... very strange.

"Now we wait!" Twilight declared, before turning to the Merchant before pulling out a notebook. "If you don't mind, may I ask some questions?"

The Merchant shrugged, and Twilight looked excited.

If only he knew.