To do that which I was asked.

I was walking up through the tunnels, when I spotted something glowing slightly in the darkness, as I inched closer (Never know what the hell you’ll find in this forest, I’ve been exploring it for a good 500-ish years and I still don’t know everything in here) I shifted into bat form (Imagine someone just shrinking and changing, no magic fire or any other cheating things) and screeched at it, to see if it was alive…

I swear to god it just fucking teleported. Because now it’s on the god damned ceiling.

“Nope, Nope nope nope nope, just NOPE!” I shout, shifting into wolf form and getting right the fuck out of there…

Hey, I may be immortal (as far as I know), but if it glows in the fucking dark and can teleport without any flash or shit, I am not fucking with it.

So i guess I should explain some things, like just what my abilities are, and what I am. Currently I am a shapeshifter / god-like being, around about on par with Discord on average but, because I’m the Lord of Balance, if I use my element gem (a serendibite) I can block the elements of Harmony (and the Elements of Anarchy) or even reverse their effects… or I should be able to.

But that isn’t important at the moment, and besides, it would take me a couple of days to get in a position to even levitate something if I did that. Now I’m sure your wondering, ‘If your so god damned powerful, then why haven’t you taken over the world HUH?!’ to which I have a one-word answer. Paperwork. Do you even realise how much fucking paperwork that would make? If I ruled the world the I would have to sign every fucking thing, from royal allowances for the previous rulers (Hey, I’m not an asshole) to signing off shipments and (shudder) tax reports…

And besides, that would mean that the entire world would be dictated by one person, which would then lead to massive riots and rebellions, all the way from Neighjing to Mooscow… I still haven’t gotten over how much this world likes puns. I mean really? Canterlot, Las Pegasus, Haygus… and then theres where they put Tartarus…

IN MY OLD GOD DAMN COUNTRY! AUSTRALIA IS NOT THAT BAD! And they just keep on sending the god damned criminals there! It’s the British all over again. Well at least the can’t get sent there for stealing horses.

But I’m getting off topic, the point is, I am not going to take over the world… But I might take Australia back (I am never going to call it Tartarus, that belongs the the giant of a dude who stands on Nothing… in the mythology at least)

So anyway, I pissed off back home to grab a few things, things like Toothbrush and paste (that i absolutely did not steal from a passing blue caravanning pony who looked like a total bitch) some spare clothes, a brush for my hair, a cooking pot, that I chucked on my head as I chuckled to myself and said “Welp, I’m going to go put apple trees everywhere!” and finally, a bag of wild, mixed apples, I had a couple rainbow-coloured ones (I shit you not) that tasted like ambrosia from the legends, a couple big macs and a bunch of other types, I left the green ones out because no.

And so, with all my stuff in a neat orderly pile ( without the neat or orderly) and a pot on my head, i wondered aloud, “Where the fuck did I put my picnic blanket?”

After finding the blanket (I had it in the towels cupboard for some fucking reason) and tying it in a bundle (on a stick) with everything inside I shouted “JOSIE THIS IS FOR YOU!!” and then proceeded to put on the fakes Mexican accent i could and said “On a steek.” And so i set out westwards, to where I knew a little pony hamlet was(they obviously considered it important even though it only had around about 150 peo-ponies in it, i need to get my mannerisms up to date) I figured i would take regular breaks, one at the Tree of Harmony, one at the Everfree castle, and one at the Surreptitiously Superfluously Spectacular Stream Serpent Steven’s river.

so it was with much surprise i arrived at the Tree of Harmony a month later to discover a castle above it, decrepit and abandoned, but still obviously a castle, so I decided to investigate, wondering when this had been built. I mean, I had been away a thousand and fifty years, but still.

Now Imagine my surprise when I entered the main hall and noticed two thrones, with torn and decaying banners behind them, depicting the sun and moon, the very things Celestia and Luna claimed to control, if i remember correctly. Which means I’m either at a memorial, or they had to flee from something bad, well that thought put me on guard.

I took a look around the place, throwing stones every couple seconds and setting of numerous prank traps… “Yep this is their castle all right, No one else would have prank traps like this, and defiantly not this many!

I went to the top of the remaining tower, figuring that it would be safest to sleep in, as it was night… actually now that I think about it the sun should have risen by now. Oh well, just means more napping for me!

Or so i thought it did. That quickly went out the window when i heard yelling from downstairs. Quickly as I could i Packed up my makeshift bed and hid behind one of the remaining pillars. Until Luna herself teleported into the room! I hadn’t seen her in forever (almost literally) i wondered if she even remembered me, that thought sobered my mind up right quick.

So with a slightly clear mind I stepped out form behind the pillar, “Luna?” I asked her, quietly “What are you doing here?”

“O-Omnus?!” I could hear the surprise and shock at seeing me after so long.

“yep, that’s me, Please don’t hug strangle me.” I said smiling slightly

She lowered her arms “I was merely taking my place as ruler of Equestria. If the ponies deem to ignore my night then I will force it upon them!” she said with fire in her heart and confidence in her voice.

“Why?” i asked, confused “They need to sleep during the night, and it’s not as if there aren't nocturnal ponies out there. Like the Thestrals or the Vamponies, hell maybe even some of the Frost Ponies. Besides if the night lasts for longer than it’s meant to the world will freeze, and all shall die Luna.”

She bristled with fury at that last part “ART THOUGH SAYING THAT OUR NIGHT KILLS ALL!?” She screamed.

“What! no! I’m saying that the sun has it’s part to play in the circle of life as well as the moon. I am sorry if it didn’t seem that way.” I panicked slightly.

“Very well, We are sorry as well for shouting at thou old friend.” she blushed, embarrassed (Can you say cute as all hell?)  “Perhaps thou are right, and we should probably let Celestia out of the sun.”

I started laughing as she said that. then moved over to hug her.

But then, of course someone had to break the moment. “Nightmare Moon!” A little violet purple unicorn said (I am 6”2, Luna is around about 5”, the purple one is 3” Ahh Crotchy, now your at their level)

“We won’t let you get away with this!” she said as 5 other filed into the room behind her.

”Well act-“ i was interrupted

“The elements of harmony are right here! Honesty! Kindness! Laughter! Generosity! Loyalty! there all right here! And to bind them all together is Magic!” She shouted as the gems started glowing, reshaping themselves to better fit their new bearers.

“Oh dear” I said as i summon my Crown of Balance (The crown is what hold the gem in place)

They fired their elements at Luna, but I was having none of that and quickly branded myself in front of her, Summoning all of my magic reserves to create a shield in front of me.

Holy Fuck! These things are strong! God am I a lucky fucker that I summon my gem.

“Wha! But how!? The elements of harmony can’t be denied!” The purple one said

“I dunno Twi, but i know i can't do that again!” said the orange one wearing a… is that a stetson!? Where can i get one of those?!

“May, be, if, you, would, let, me, explain?” I panted, out of breath at the moment. “I literally just finished convincing her to stop this and free her sister. Nice timing by the way.”

“Yes, He did, and now I’m considering going back to the eternal night plan.” she stated flatly,           I just glared at her “Wrong time for a joke then?”

“BUT HOW DID YOU BLOCK THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY!?!?” The purple one shouted, having gotten redder and redder while we were talking.

“Trade secret, sorry hun.” I said, making her even more red. “Now then, you have a sister to free, and you six stay here, I should be good to go in a couple of minutes.”

“Okay Ommy!” Luna giggled as she lit up her horn. “Oh and omen?” I looked at her, “Tia will be glad to have you back with us.” She laughed(everyone thought I was fucking them way back when). I laughed with her.

Celestia appeared, sitting on a certain part of me, slightly confused.

“Hello Tia, if i knew you wanted that then i would have come back sooner” I said as she finally looked down.

She Fucking Squeed. That was adorable and beautiful… fucking Tia

“Omny!” she jumped off me, letting me sit up, before hugging me in that god damn bine breaking way. Family thing i guess.

“Well you’ve certainly gotten stronger!” i said as she let go, blushing slightly.

“HEY! You cant talk to the princess like that!” The one that looks like skittles shouted.

“oh? and why not?” I smirked

“Because she's the princess! She's the oldest, wisest person out there and deserves your respect you freak!” She shouted at me… I already fucking hate her.

I frowned “Newsflash Skittlefuck I am older than them. Also, I am most certainly wiser in some areas, like living off of nature, street smarts, and a bunch of other things princesses can’t do because it’s ‘Improper’. Oh and your calling me a fucking freak, My race was around long before yours was bitch.” With that last statement i turned into a hydra and spat acid to the side, letting her know my disgust (my clothes and bag disappearing, as usual).

She fucking punched me… in the face…

I glared at her, using the predator stare to promote the instinctive fear of a human to the number one priority. She pissed herself, getting that stare form seven hydra heads would be bad to be fair, but still.

“AHHAHAHAHAAH” I burst out into laughter, shifting back into human form, all the while she was frozen there. I just couldn’t stop laughing… until the orange one kicked me in the face. sending me flying through a pilar, a solid stone wall, and out into the air.

I formed wings and flew back in, doing a rolling landing and jumping up with claws instead of hands.

“You are going to regret that you fucking whore.” I said calmly

“Omnus Stop!” Celestia and Luna shouted at the same time. I jerked to a halt, obviously they are royal guard or something, just protecting their princess as their job entails. “just let them be Omny.”

“Ugh, fine” i say “oh and good hit by the way miss orange stetson pony.” with that said i transform into a pure black ragdoll kitten and curl up on top of Luna’s head, purring and faking sleep.

“So who is he Princess-es?Said Twi-Yknow, I’m just gonna call her Purple.

“Well that isn’t exactly our story to tell *Purple*, maybe you should ask him when he wakes up. At this point Luna was scratching my head, which felt disturbingly good.

“Oh, that remind me, I need to speak with both of you in private when we get the chance.” I said, startling everyone except for Tia and Luna, who remembered my antics well.

“Very well, we can talk once we get back to Canterlot.” Said Tia, petting me a bit… which sent me into an actual slumber.