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           The Boring Job of a Tartaros Watchdog           
                       -by OmenCall-                       
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                    The Cerberus-fiasco                    
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The Cerberus-fiasco
I hate dark and damp places. I really, really do. I hate hiding and crawling around in the shadows like some sort assassin. After all, I am a proud apprentice to the Spectrum Knights.
Yeah, that was a long time ago. Introducing Captain Gale Breaker, High Overseer of the Tartarus Watchdogs. Has a certain ring to it, but still.
I mean, bad enough that Celestia had me guarding her dirty little secrets when I expected to be pulled to the front lines, but on top of that this bloody prison was leaking. No, I am not even kidding. Sometime within the last decade or so the relentless forces of nature have managed to dig their way through solid rock, flooding the prison after every little raining session.
The captives were nice and safe in their stone cells, but our barracks were located closer to the bottom of this pit of proverbial hell. So yeah, we soon learned to make our beds light enough to float.
I should probably look into getting that fixed at some point in the not so distant future.
I should get on that task before my co-workers/subordinates decided to lynch me.
“I should apply for a different job,” I muttered under my breath. “Maybe join the Long Patrol. They really know how to party there.” You might consider talking to oneself a sign of impending madness. I actually did it just to stay sane down here.
From my place on the stalagmite I could see all of Tartaros. Green dragonfire torches illuminated the hewn stone pathways between the prison spires, the various captives bumbling around their small cells idly, or glowering at me with their gleaming eyes.
I sighed and unfurled one of my wings to flick some water droplets off my armour. This had not been what I had expected when I dropped out of the academy three years early. True, I also hadn't expected having to relocate to Equestria at the tender age of almost-fourteen.
At least I had a job. As a watchdog. Could be worse, I suppose.
Speaking of dogs, the faint sound of bickering alerted me to the return of my co-workers. I'd sent them out with Cerberus. True, we weren't exactly allowed outside, but Princess Celestia's method of creating a flushable chamber for his poop had given our flood-situation another serious downside.
Let's just say we changed more than just the sheets of our beds.
At the very least the two ponies I'd sent out with our lovely little pet were reliable. Sorta. I could see them enter the cavern now. A pine green unicorn mare in silver armour with ethereal green wings, and another icy blue one with a white spiderweb-ish pattern on her wings that made them look like they were frost-covered.
“It’s not my fault he got away! You were supposed to keep an eye on him!”
“You know full well that my magic doesn’t work so close to Ponyville!” the green one hissed back, her vibrant green mane bristling with fury.
“You have eyes in your head, don’t you? Why didn’t you use them, instead of your fancy-shmancy magic?”
With a sigh I brought my hooves up to rub my temples. I had been under the impression that I was impervious to petty inconveniences like headaches, but those two had proven me wrong. Not that they were particularly infuriating, but their constant bickering was gnawing at my nerves.
Unfurling my large grey wings I gently glided down to them, landing on the path in front of the two. They flinched when they heard my hooves clop on the cold black rock. “What is it this time?” I growled. “Stargazer? What happened?”
When she didn’t respond I turned my head to the icy blue one. “Winter? Out with it. The sooner you tell me, the sooner we can all put it behind us.”
Winter swallowed and ducked under my gaze. Ridiculous, really, seeing as she could probably mop the floor with me. “We… We kinda lost Cerberus…”
I applied a hoof to my face. “Had to happen at some point, didn’t it?” I knew sending them out without some sort of leash for the over-sized doggy was a bad idea. I knew it. But we didn’t have anything besides magically woven chains to compensate, and those would raise one hell of an alarm in Canterlot, should they pass through the gates of Tartaros.
Winter looked at me, her eyes wide and hopeful. Again, ridiculous. “You’re not mad?”
“What? Oh no, I’m freakin’ livid, but there’s no point in taking it out on you.” I went over my options. This was going to be very tricky, but I could deal with all the repercussions once Cerberus was back. At least then I’d have an excuse for not being around when Celestia came by to have one of her “serious talks” with me. Somebody had to take the dog for a walk, right? Might as well be me next.
“Oh,” Winter said and closed her mouth. Then she leaned over to Stargazer. “I don’t know what that word means!” she hissed out of the corner of her mouth. Stargazer rolled her eyes.
“Alright,” I told them, “Stargazer, get Racer and Buccaneer, and make sure Trinity has an eye on all the captives. I want the two of them out there, and send Rose to supervise them.” I gave her a brief look over, just to make sure she didn’t have any wounds. It would be just like Winter to forget to mention something like Cerberus trying to maul his favourite guard. After a moment of contemplation I rubbed my chin. “And while you’re at it, send Raid and SilverScream out too. But only after you sent Rose away.”
“And how am I to do that?” she said through gritted teeth. “Ever since Rose and Raid started dating, the two of them are practically connected by the hips!”
I gave her a condescending little pat on the head. “You’re a smart mare. You’ll figure something out.”
I heard her mumble something not very nice about pegasi and their unfair height advantage. True, every unicorn I’d come across so far had been considerably smaller than myself. And I’d taken full advantage of that, believe you me. Stargazer gathered herself and gave me a stark salute. “I assume you want them to sweep the area around the gorge?”
“Yes. Especially towards the south.” I stretched my wings, eager to take flight. Tartaros had an abundance of space, but it just wasn’t the same without an open sky overhead. Blame my pegasus magic for yearning for the endless blue. “I’ll be heading out as well, and I’ll search the area between here and Ponyville.”
“But Sir, we’re not supposed to go anywhere near to Ponyville!” Stargazer immediately protested.
Sir, eh? I grinned at that while I made a mental note to check up on the latest changes to guard regulations. We liked to keep things simple down here, sticking with “Sir” of everybody, but you never know. Don’t wanna be left behind by the times, right? But seriously, “Dame Gale Breaker” kinda sounds like I’m some fancy lady. Which I’m not, by the by.
“Which is why I’m sending you and Winter to search in the Everfree Forest. Make sure you adhere to regulations and don’t get too close to the little ponies, alright?” That should keep them occupied for the rest of the day and until next morning, even if we found Cerberus before that. You could consider it punishment.
She blinked. “But sir, I must stress that this could have serious repercussions. There is a Kicker Clan encampment...”
I raised a hoof to forestall whatever she might say next. “Listen, Stargazer, I have to fly, and if I just so happen to fly over Ponyville, then that’s my own bloody fault, isn’t it? Now hop to it, soldier! Oh, and for the record, I can read, dammit. Celestia writes me a letter every once a year, so don’t act so surprised that I have at least some knowledge of the outside world. I know about the Kickers and their little training grounds near the gorge.” I took flight and gingerly tapped my hoof on the tip of her horn, hovering before her. “Not all of us need a clairvoyance spell to gather intel.”
“So that’s what it’s called nowadays?”
I raised an eyebrow at her and she groaned in exasperation, slumping her shoulders.
“Fiiine. But I won’t be taking responsibility for whatever damage I might do to the forest out of frustration. And – hey, where the hell did Winter go?”
I looked around. The bubbly blue mare had just been standing right next to us. “Well, you better find her before she does something stupid,” I told Stargazer, making no effort whatsoever to conceal the satisfaction in my voice.
She glared at me but I just flew past her and towards the draft of air that spoke of open blue skies. While ascending the stairs towards the sweet promise of freedom and frivolity, I mulled over the reason why I spent my days down there in the first place.
The princesses.
I seriously doubt Celestia would appreciate the things I said about her. They were hardly flattering for the most part. Always so wise and compassionate. Compassion. It’s a word she mentioned to me once or twice, mostly in questioning whether I had any at all.
I’m pretty sure she made it up. Also, she had this look as though she knew just about everything. When exactly had she developed that? No matter...
Next was Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. … Or Cadence, if you don’t like fancy titles.
Now supposedly she was the Princess of Love. Again, a word to describe some feeble concept I can’t possibly hope to understand. Apparently love was supposed to be like a fire, burning in your chest – or your groin, if Cadence is to be believed – and the single most powerful emotion in the world.
I shot a sidelong glance at one of the dragonfire torch bowls embedded in the walls. Yeah, I can see how something like that scorching your crotch would make you rather intent on getting the job done. Still, in my experience, ponies don’t tend to spontaneously combust.
… Aside from that one time where Winter got me into a betting match with Buccaneer. Yeah, not talking about that.
Then there was Princess Luna. Still stuck on the moon, far as I’m aware.
Finally, reaching the surface, I could spread my wings – in a metaphorical sense, since I’d flown all the way up here – letting the sunlight glint on the steel edges of my wingblades and armour. The silver had dulled during my time underground, but that really was of no concern to me. I noticed one of the silver crosses on my shoulderplates hanging crooked. That had probably happened during my last scuffle with Buccaneer. That stallion packed one hell of a punch.
I gently pumped my wings – well, gently by my standards – and lifted off the ground. The wind blowing through Crescent Moon Gorge immediately picked me up and carried me high into the sky. I performed a few barrel rolls for good measure. The time I spent underground had left me with a severe lack of flight practice, so the armour hindered my movements more than I had expected. I just wasn’t used to it anymore.
I suppose I should elaborate a bit further, or else I make myself looking like a slouch. Flying is by no means an act of solitary physical activity. There is magic involved. It takes a lot of training for a pegasus to draw out that magic inside of them, and it’s more of a subconscious thing. Kinda like with earthponies and their unreal strength. That’s magic too.
For pegasi, it lets us do stuff like manipulate clouds and the sort. Remember how I said it needs practice? Fair warning, moving cloud is difficult as all hell. Weatherponies make it look easy. So not practicing out in the open is kinda like not moving your wings for a while. Your magic becomes stiff and it reflects in your flight pattern.
But there’s an easy way to get back into the swing of things.
Tilting myself for a vertical descent I held my breath. The wind rushing past me was like a symphony, the barren red rock coming closer with each second was like the nearing embrace of a trusted friend.
… I don't like embraces. I straightened myself out, using the momentum I had gained to accelerate my flight over Blacktail Wood. It’s a nice little forest, right outside the gorge. Of course it being quite deep and dark meant that every once in a while some sort of critter might migrate there from the Everfree.
Just then I spotted a collection of tents in the distance. I cringed, my wingbeat becoming ever so slightly more tentative. Yeah, I’d forgotten about that…
Beyond Blacktail Wood lay a Kicker Clan encampment. Only a little private one, a tribute of Celestia to us. Only the Clan elders – or whatever their leaders are called these days – actually know why it’s there. Which is to keep an eye on me and my co-workers. The Watchdogs of Hell, as you might say.
They’d drop by for an inspection every now and then, mostly just to make sure everything’s in order. Cerberus always starts barking like crazy when he smells them, so we have plenty of time to get ready. As for Cerberus’s antics, according to Celestia, he had been trained by some sort of ancient Kicker ancestor.
… Yeah, not believing that for a second. Might as well be that Cerberus was a fully grown three-headed doggy long before the Lunar Rebellion or even the Fall of the Crystal Empire. Who knows? The princess definitely enjoys messing with me.
I could see a patrol in red armour approaching and immediately changed my angle to head into the nearest cloud. Don’t get me wrong, I like Kickers. They are friendly enough, they are respectful of strangers, and they have fabulous taste in weapons and fashion. Some of my comrades claim that I’m too caught up about armour and weapons.
Well, they obviously don’t know what they’re talking about.
I mean, choice of weapon is everything. I love my wingblades. True, they’re sitting a bit tight, as was the armour a when I first got it, but after a few visits to the blacksmith – and bribing their daughter with candy just to get a better deal – they reworked it to fit better.
Of course the stallion I’d taken it from would’ve been furious. Old Windsheer never could stand me getting the better of him, but then again, he can’t really complain, seeing as he doesn’t know that it was me who took it… I digress.
As for my armour in general, the silver bladecross of a master tactician looks pretty good on me, even though I can’t use tactics for the life of me. It being slightly dulled served my needs just fine. If anybody asked me what I was doing wearing armour like that, I could just pretend to be a collector. They’d buy it, instantly. After all, my armour was a kind of relic.
To be precise, the ponies who’d made it were. It’s from the Dusk Empire. Look for that on a map, you won’t find it. It’s another one of Celestia’s little secrets, seeing as it’s a nation dedicated entirely to undermining her rule and plunging Equestria into chaos and strife.
So yeah, they’re warmongers. And they’re not really an empire either, more like a small nation backed by some very strong and influential clans. Speaking of Clans, I could see the Kicker patrol pass me by now. They were mostly colts and fillies, probably sent out here to get some harsh training in before joining the military. Or however that worked nowadays.
It’s been a long time since I’ve left that cave…
As soon as they were gone, I went the opposite direction, giving my flight path to Ponyville a wide berth. I wouldn’t want any Kicker reporting me to the princess. Going against her orders – even in a circumstance like this – was one thing. Rubbing it in her face, however, would be a different matter entirely.
I started climbing, flying higher and higher, until my muscles were sore and my lungs felt like they were on fire. I loved the feeling. It’s probably the most rewarding feeling in the world. Not like praise from a beloved guardian, but something that’s almost physical in its persistence, in how it makes itself known.
I looked down on Ponyville. The skies were strangely clear. I wasn’t aware that there were scheduled ‘azure-skies/everything-is-perfect’-days in Equestria now, but it was welcome to me nonetheless. I looked around the quaint little town, searching for anything out of the ordinary. Thanks to my sharp eyesight I soon spotted just who I’d been looking for, seeing as I wanted information from a trustworthy source.
A tall red stallion, bulky enough to rival Buccaneer. Inhaling sharply I pressed my wings close to my sides. Gravity immediately worked its magic, pulling me down at breath-taking speed. Working my wings I accelerated even further. For a moment I played with the thought of going even faster, pushing my body to its limits.
The ground was getting awful close there…
I tried to bleed some speed by fanning out my wings.
The ground was really close.
I touched down right next to Big Mac, prodding him with a wing as soon as the impact stopped shaking my bones. “Heya, Mac. Been a while. Everythin’ alright here in Ponyville?”
“E…eyup,” he responded, not giving me a second look while pulling his cart through the trodden dirt streets of Ponyville.
Big Mac and I go waaay back. I’ve known him ever since I was moved to Tartaros. He was the one delivering us our apples every two months. And he’s a great guy, really down-to-earth and amiable.
“So… Anything important going on?” I looked him over a few times. He’d grown about a foot or two since I’d last seen him. Really must’ve had a growth spurt while I was down there.
“Nope.”
“Ah, that’s good, that’s good…” I trailed off. Big Mac’s a friend alright, but orders are orders. I’d hate for his farm to be closed down because he knew too much, so exactly how was I supposed to ask if he’d seen Cerberus without blowing my cover?
Subtlety would’ve been my first choice, but not one I’m very good at.
“Sooo… You seen any big three-headed dogs around here lately?” I asked inconspicuously.
“Eeyup.”
“Oh.” Huh. Well, whaddya know. “Do you happen to know where it went?”
“Tuesday,” he responded, catching me off guard.
“Say what now?”
“Twilight Sparkle’s decided ta take the dog back ta Tartaros,” he opened up.
“Oh!” I get it now! Yeah, Tuesday, Twilight Sparkle, really really bad ideas, those three things practically go hoof in hoof in this town. At least if Celestia was to be believed. “Alrighty then, thanks for your help!” I said before I darted off. See, who said I can’t be nice?
But now I was searching for an Alpha-plus level unicorn as well as a great big bloody doggy that would probably get her killed, either by salivating on her or mauling her viciously. Can’t really say that either of those outcomes struck me as desirable.
I mean, an Alpha-plus level unicorn! The very first natural born one! I was kinda intrigued, and since Celestia’d forgotten to prohibit any interaction with her pet student outside of Ponyville, I could easily blow off Her Highness’s impending wrath under some pretence.
I went for a wide sweep of Blacktail Woods. Probably shoulda done so during my first fly over, but I had been a bit too occupied evading a Kicker Patrol.
Anyway, I’ll just skip over the part where I flew over Blacktail Wood in a circular pattern, only to find out that I could’ve cut down on my search time by about an hour or so, had I only started in the other direction. At long last I found a starting point – a large pile of dog poop – in the outer areas of the forest. Deeper inside, the canape was just too thick to penetrate with my eyes.
Actually finding the two of them was not nearly as easy as I thought it’d be, though. Seriously, you’d think a humongous dog would leave some sort of trail aside from tufts of fur and scent, but nooo.
Twilight Sparkle was trying her best to hold Cerberus back on a leash made of magical lavender energy. Or something of the sort. Anyway, as she was getting dragged along by Cerberus, the leash connected to her hoof, she just looked pathetic.
And I don’t mean that in an endearing way. It physically hurt me that I had to watch that, yet at the same time I was oddly fascinated by the display of her getting one face-full of leaves after another. That, and maneuvering around the tall dark trees was keeping me busy enough.
Finally, after a whopping ten minutes, she decided to just let the barking doggy go and do his thing. I swooped around in mid-air, making my way back to her as I had overshot her position. She was lying in a shallow trench, dug by her own body, and was looking like she was on the verge of tears.
I really hate to admit it, but that tugged at my heartstrings. I never took myself for the sentimental type, but all this unicorn had done was trying to help out Cerberus by taking him home. Of course the damn mutt – sorry, buddy – had decided to go running off again. I could hear his bark fading in the distance.
Now she was sobbing, hiding her face in her hooves. Oh, I really wanted to do something to help that poor filly out. I couldn’t even muster up the disdain she deserved for being Celestia’s damned favourite anymore! With a sigh I let myself drop to the moist forest grounds and made my way towards her.
That’s when I heard the slithering of scales coming from her direction. It sounded pretty big, and the following faint hiss gave me a good idea of what was coming my way.
“Basilisk,” I  muttered to myself. “Not good.” I quickened my step, reaching the unicorn just in time to see the big rust-coloured serpent in her back rear up to strike, its yellow eyes fixed on the small purple pony. It was huge, probably quite old too, its body as thick as the trunk of an Everfree tree, in length measuring up to maybe twenty meters, by my estimation, and its head was large enough to swallow half a pony in a single bite.
Now the serpent had noticed me. One pair of cold, soulless eyes met another as we stared each other down, the serpent with its head reared high, venom dripping from its fangs, and me with my wings flared out to either side.
I put all my willpower into that stare, letting my body speak for itself. In a single step it showed that basilisk exactly what would happen, should it try to attack the pony between us.
Finally, with a wet hiss, the serpent decided to find easier prey.
That’s when I made another step forward, a twig snapping beneath my hoof. Twilight Sparkle quickly wiped her eyes and looked up. I can only imagine how terrified she must’ve been. Standing above her, out of nowhere, was a tall grey pegasus in stale silver armour. A blonde, messy mane, murky yellow eyes, the toned muscles of a warrior, wings flared out and ready to strike with vicious blades, and a snarl tugging at my lips in a grin that showed more sharp teeth than was at all courteous. The right thing to do would be to give her some space and say something reassuring.
I stepped closer, lowering my glinting fangs right before her eyes. “Boo!”
“GYAH!” she screamed, shuffling backwards.
I raised my head with that same grin still in place. Not that scaring ponies was something I enjoyed, but her reaction had been everything I’d hoped for.
“Wh-Who are you?” she stammered, her eyes wide.
I shrugged and flicked my wings. “Oh, nobody important. A guardian of sorts. I noticed your struggles with Cerberus and decided to come and help out.”
Her ears fell flat against her skull. “Oh no, Cerberus!” She jumped to her hooves, frantically dusting herself off. “I have to get him back to Tartaros, or else there will be a disaster!”
“Don’t worry, my comrades have got matters well in hoof,” I assured her. Cerberus always got snacks from Rose whenever he returned, so he had run off in anticipation. At least that was my guess. By now he was probably nearing Crescent Moon Gorge, meaning that Trinity should be able to hear him. So either he would respond, or he would send somepony out to get our runaway pet. Everything should be fine. “So long as they remember to bring the dog whistle…”
“Really?” Twilight Sparkle looked at me and all the tension fell from her expression. “That’s a relief to hear, um… I’m sorry, I don’t think I got your name. Who were you again?” she asked timidly.
I cocked my head back, smirking all the while. “Oh, just a knight.”
“And your name is…?” There was that expectant look again. I love that about ponies. They’re so nosy, it makes teasing them such a delight.
So I just raised an eyebrow.
She sighed. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?”
“Can't remember saying that.”
She sucked in air through her nostrils as she straightened herself up. “Fine, be that way. Now, could you be a valiant knight and escort me back to Ponyville?”
I couldn’t help but give a genuine smile at that. “Right this way, m’lady.” After a few more seconds of her looking slightly irritated, I spoke up again. “I'm Gale Breaker,” I told her plainly, leaving out any rank or title. Never had much appreciation for those.
“Well, it's nice to meet you, Dame Gale Breaker. My name Twilight Sparkle.” She smiled at me. “I believe this is the beginning of a wonderful friendship!”