Jason Wright and the birch staff, the cloak, and the skull
Jason Wright was pitiful. in truth, he didn't used to be. he was a happy man, living peacefully on his home world, earth. but he made a mistake. he got hooked to a television show called my little pony: friendship is magic. for many years he searched for a way to go to this world. eventually he did find it, sadly it was a one-way trip.
completely sure that this world would be so much better than the one he was leaving behind, he made the jump, and arrived in equestria, the home of ponies. but he was wrong. this world was just as, maybe more, bigoted than earth. cast out every time he tried to associate with them, he was forced to live in the background, not even given the same privileges that the animals had.
three years later, and the poor man was nearing the breaking point. he couldn't go back to earth, so he was forced to survive in the shadow of a species half his size and twice as racist. picking himself up, he came up with a plan. the plan was to steal a rope from one of the ponies, applejack, and hang himself from a tree in the forest nearby.
but, like most of his life, this plan didn't go off without a hitch. suffering from severe malnourishment, he collapsed half way there, in the middle of the street.
that leads to now.
"Gah!" Jason wright, the most unfortunate man alive, gasped awake. looking around, he recognized that he was in a hospital room. "how did I get here?" he mumbled to himself, wracking his brain trying to remember. 'i remember going to sweet apple acres to... do the deed, and then? nothing. just darkness. I must have blacked out or something. getting a better look at the room, he was surprised to see... something sitting in the chair across from his bed.
it was the horned king(1) reading a pamphlet on how to give CPR.
"what-"
"oh good, you're awake. don't worry, we can talk; the room is sealed."
"I don't- what? who're you?"
he chuckled. "here I was, thinking I well known. I am the horned king! master of undeath and all things associated."
he blinked " oh, yeah, I remember you from that movie. didn't you have a book series for a while?"
"yeah, they were actually pretty popular for a while, and it's what the movie was based on." Jason clutched his head, which he was surprised to find was covered in bandages. "careful. you actually hit you head pretty hard