But...I'm the 'good guy'!
Author's Note
Just something I wrote in the dead of the night after watching the S5 finale. Just in case I haven't made it clear enough, there are major season 5 finale spoilers below.
Enjoy!
But...I'm the 'good guy'!
Life is bucking stupid. It gives some ponies, like me, lemons. It gives everypony else tequila. And I'm the only pony sane enough to see both the problem and the solution here. And, hay, I wasn't even hogging all the sanity. I was trying to share it. But no, life is just hellbent on going to Stupidtown in a hoofbasket. And I really gotta stop asking myself how stupid life can get. I think everypony's starting to take it as a personal challenge.
Speaking of Stupidtown, I swear it's missing all its town fools today because they're all here, singing this damned song about Friendship. The worst part? My whole life is dancing to the tune, turning for the better in one big comical friendship training montage. One moment I was laughing over homework with Purple-prick. The next I was baking with the pink menace. And suddenly I was bucking apples. Bucking. Apples. I'm a Starlight bucking Glimmer! The only way I make apples drop is if it were sitting atop governments!
All it took was for her to reach out to me, telling me I had a chance, that even Starlight Glimmer can have friends. And for some crazy reason I believed her. I took her hoof. And suddenly everything was alright.
This has gotta be a bucking dream. If life was meant to switch at the drop of a hat, it'd come with a bucking remote control.
My head swam. That damned fuzzy feeling of cotton wool jammed in my head struck me. I felt sleep escape me, taking my....my friendship with it. No! Please, I can't lose my friends! Not again! Please, no! I fought to hang onto it, hoof and tooth. I didn't want to wake up.
Not to my world.
Of course. Of course it was all just a dream. Because you can't just turn back time and change for the better.
"Starlight? Starlight, wake up!" Somepony shouted in my ear, showing no respect for my moment. Hay, can't a sister angst in peace without some busybody pony shouting in her ear?
"Starlight, are you having a bad dream? You gotta wake up!"
Obviously not.
I frowned. There can only be one reason somepony's bugging me to wake up. I must have given in to temptation and decided to freeload in another random inn. That must be why I feel so well rested for once. You could only sleep in dark caves and under bushes for so long before all the fear and anxiety catches up to you. You think losing everything you own is scary? Try being homeless. There's nothing scarier than trying to sleep out in the open. I would always awake with a start, expecting to wake up in a changeling coccoon or, worse, in a hydra's belly.
Right, I gotta think of how to pull a runner on the innkeeper. Usually it'd be easy to hop out the window and skip town. I had so much experience at it that I had begun to run out of inns and towns. But my host being next to me in my room complicates things. I should've picked an inn with a less fussy innkeeper. Now, if I just throw this creepily-grinning pony cane in her face and....
I felt something grab me around my withers. I didn't even have a chance to put up a fight. Before I knew it was I already being pulled into...somepony's fuzzy chest?
Is this one of those 'hugs' other ponies go on about?
If it is then who in Tartarus...?
I cracked open an eye. All I saw was a world of purple, that same shade of purple that haunted my every nightmare. It was the purple of Purple-prick herself.
Looks like I really was in Tartarus. And if I wasn't, she was doing her damned best to send me there with her chokehold.
I'll be damned if I go down without at least a parting shot. "Purple?!" I gave a muffled gasp of desperation into her chest. "You kinda suck at hugs!"
"Oh?" I heard her say as she finally allowed me some room to breathe. "Sorry, it's just that you were crying in your sleep." She pulled back, allowing me to see her face in the candlelight. Her big violet eyes were filled with...is that worry? Is...Princess Twilight Sparkle actually worried about me?
"I never cry." I muttered, quickly running a forehoof over my totally-not-wet eyes. "My eyes are just allergic to stupid. You know, the kind of stupid that randomly hugs ponies in their sleep."
"Sorry. That's just what the book said. You know, about ponies crying in their sleep." Purple explained, giving me a sheepish look.
"I. Never. Cry!" I groaned. "Oh, why do I even...wait, there's a book on violating ponies in their sleep?" I frowned. What kind of sad desperate creature writes about that?
"Yes, a reference textbook titled 'One Thousand Virgin Mares' by 'Pen Mightier'." She nodded, matter-of-factly. "Chapter 11, page..."
"Hoooooold it." I waved a forehoof at her. "That's not a reference textbook. That's a dirty romance flick!" I pointed out. I actually saved her from quoting pornography, believe it or not. She should be eternally grateful.
"But....Rarity told me I'd learn a lot from reading it." She frowned.
With friends like that...
"From the looks of things, that's the understatement of the century." I muttered, rubbing all the 'nope' out of my head. "There isn't enough time or crayons to fix everything that's wrong with you."
"More importantly, how are you feeling?" She asked, turning her attention back to me.
"Like a pile of Sugar Belle's muffins." I groaned. "Where am I?" I demanded, looking around the darkened room. The flickering candle cast a pool of light just big enough to see the blanket underneath me and the purple alicorn standing next to the bed. I couldn't help but notice how the blanket was the same shade of purple as Purple-prick. "Please don't tell me I'm in your bed." I groaned.
"Okay, I won't tell you." She nodded with a sheepish little smile. For bucks sake, stop throwing the damned lemons at me! "You kinda just collapsed after we returned to the present."
"You should've seen her." Her pet lizard said as he strolled into the room, casually butting into the conversation. He lit his way with a candle of his own, his tail pulling along what I secretly hoped was a tea trolley. "She was hopping all over your chest, trying to resuscitate you."
Oh. That's why it feels like buffalos stampeded all over my chest. Come to think of it I have the hoof marks to show for it.
Wait. Resuscitate me?
"You...didn't give me mouth-to-mouth, did you?" I was almost pleading.
"You should've seen our friends when they walked in on you two." How I wanted to wipe that lecherous grin on that lizard's serpentine mug.
"Uuuh....if I lied and said 'no', that might suggest I was gonna leave you to die. But if told you the truth and said 'yes', you're going to want to see my CPR certificate, but I kinda lost all twenty of them including my research thesis on the subject when Tirek blew up my house and...." She did a great impression of a breezie caught in a tornado.
I kinda wished said tornado could put me out of my misery too.
"Here. I put some mint in it." The little lizard said, offering me a cup of tea.
"Thank you." I said, meaning every word as I gratefully gargled on that life-giving mintiness.
"Don't mention it. Like, ever." He said as he fussed with his tea trolley, opening a dish cover to release the sweet scent of...is that honeyed oatmeal?
My stomach betrayed me with a loud grumble. I cursed my body for betraying my state. Sure, I may have skipped a meal here and a good night's sleep there, but that's no reason for it to mutiny and give me away to my enemy! I could only hope it was too dark for either them to see the warm glow on my cheeks. My only consolation was that the rumble interrupted the Princess' rambling just as she was going into whether or not she used her tongue.
"Twi, we're all very interested in hearing about your tongue and where it's been, honest. But I think she'd rather have something else in her mouth." Her pet lizard passed me the bowl of promised oatmeal. I didn't know whether to be thankful for the oatmeal or murderous for the mental image he just inflicted on me.
"Are you always a wise ass?" I couldn't help but ask as I quickly dug into the oatmeal before it could disappear on me. Y'know, like everything else in my life.
"Nah, I'm allowed to sleep at night." The dragon waved a dismissive claw at me.
"When was the last time you ate a proper meal? Or took care of yourself at all?" She asked.
"Oh, I think that was around the time I was last home." I replied, airily. "You know, back when I had a home!" I made my point, bitterly wishing I could stab something with it. Thankfully for her my forehooves were preoccupied with holding onto the precious, precious oatmeal.
She winced at my outburst, looking...surprisingly sorry with her ears flattened and eyes downcast. "I'm sorry that everything that happened lost you your home." She said, actually sounding sincere. "I never wanted to ruin your health."
"Yeah, she just wanted to save Equestria." The lizard said.
"Spike, sarcasm's not helping." Purple muttered under her breath.
"Sorry, that was me being flippant. Kinda dropped my sarcasm to distract those changelings swarming Equestria in that one timeline." The dragon shrugged. "Or was it Nightmare Moon and her bat pony army in that other timeline? I dunno, they were all kinda the same when you're running in the other direction."
Did that...did that really happen? Twilight Sparkle is one thing, but this little smart-plot of a kid didn't seem like the type to tell lies. Besides, what purpose would he have in lying to me now? Unless...unless all of that really happened? Could Purple's friendships really matter that much to Equestria? Did my actions really create those terrifying realities?
Luna shove the moon up my plot. Did I really leave this child at the mercy of Nightmare Moon?
All I ever wanted is the best for everypony. If I had really placed a child in danger...
"Did they...did they hurt you?" I asked before I could even stop myself.
"Huh?" He seemed surprised at my sudden question. "Uh, I guess Nightmare Rarity telling me she hates dragons kinda stung...."
"I'm sorry." Before I knew it my words were already hanging awkwardly in the air. I bit my lip. I may have my pride, but I have even stronger morals. "I didn't mean to harm you....you...I-I don't e-even know your n-name."
"It's Spike." The dragon said, graciously. "And hay, it's cool. If it makes you feel any better, I found Nightmare Rarity kinda hot."
"Wait, so you honestly didn't mean it?" Purple blinked in surprise. "Then what....what did you think you'd achieve?"
"That spell?" I gave a hollow chuckle. "I don't know, not anymore. I first began researching it to find a way to fix my own past. But when you took my home away from me I-I forgot all about that. All I wanted was to stop you from taking my home away...and maybe hurt you while I was at it." I admitted, shaking my head. "I'm the good guy. Or, at least, I always believed I was. I wanted to create a better, happier Equestria. I wanted to make everypony happy. I never wanted a world with Nightmare Moon or changelings or that...that wasteland you showed me. I would never harm innocent ponies." I buried my face in my hooves. "I've done it, haven't I? I've ruined Equestria." I groaned in despair.
"Hay..." I felt a forehoof squeeze my withers. "If it's any comfort, I know from experience that Starswirl's spells are often half-finished end-of-the-world-level messes that are always fixed by a touch of Friendship. In the end we did seal away that spell forever. We probably stopped, like, seven different armageddons or something. And look around us. This Equestria looks pretty alright to me."
"Hmm." The little dragon, Spike, did a few hops on the spot. "Nope, no superhero powers. Wrong Equestria, Twi."
"A touch of Friendship?" I scoffed. "Where the hay'd you find any of that in the mess I created?"
"I found it here." She said, showing me with a forehoof. Funny, because I swear she placed her forehoof on my chest. "I'm glad it was you. If it was anypony else I might be polishing Nightmare Moon's horseshoes right now."
"How do I make any sort of difference?" I chuckled, emptily.
"Because you're like me. You believe in Friendship. You wish to save Equestria." She said. "Princess Celestia used to teach me that only one who understands can teach. I never really understood Friendship, not properly, not until I understood what it was like to lose it." She gave me a bitter half-smile. "I kinda got on the whole friendship wagon a little late. I never really knew what friendship was until five years ago when I first met my friends. I've never lost a friend, not like you. In many ways you know more about Friendship than I do."
I gotta admit I was a little taken aback at her sudden admission. "Well, yes, of course. Of course I do." I quickly recovered. "If everypony was equal..."
"No, not that. I'm talking about loneliness." She waved an impatient forehoof at me.
"Lonely? Me?" I demanded, indignantly.
"Wow, Twi. That's kinda like telling her she understands losing because she's a loser." Spike quipped. "Uh, no offense." He added, quickly.
"N-no, what I meant was, you know what it's like to lose a friend, something I don't." Purple quickly explained. "I'm not gonna say I understand all the years of loss you went through. I don't think I'm strong enough to survive that long. Just the possibility of me losing my friends forever felt like the end for me. To go through that for years and years...I couldn't even begin to imagine..." She suddenly lunged forwards towards me. I didn't put up a defensive spell in time. The empty bowl of oatmeal clattered onto the floor.
I found myself in another tight hug. This one was just as awkward and sucky but...but it was warm. She was shaking so much I couldn't tell who she was trying to comfort more, me or herself. My cheeks were wet. I couldn't tell whether it was my tears or hers. I couldn't tell a whole lot of things. I had never been more confused.
She understood my loss. She understood what it's like to fear losing another ever again. That paralyzing fear, that dread that stops you moving on with your life, that terror that roots you to the past and forces you to walk in circles forever.
She understood the absence of friendship. She understood loneliness.
We could be no more different, she and I. We were enemies. And yet she came up with a different answer. She didn't seek to change me. She ignored our differences. She reached out to me.
And if she could overcome a difference that great to reach out to me, no differences, no silly cutie mark or school of magic, could ever take her away.
And finally it struck me. The touch of friendship that sealed the spell away forever; It was ours. Hers and mine, a friendship not forced by equality, but one born of overcoming differences.
Dammit. Damn Twilight Sparkle.
I had never cried. At least not until that day. It felt like ten years worth of pent up tears came up all at once. After standing still in fear of loss for so many years, I finally moved again. I reached out to hold onto her, my first sparkle of hope in years. My pride, my shame, my grudge were all washed away in a flood of tears. I didn't need them anymore. I had found something worth far more. I would throw everything away, do anything, take any punishment, as long as I could hold onto it forever.
"H-hay, you don't have to t-try so h-hard. E-Equestria's not in d-danger anymore, y'know." I chuckled through my tears.
"N-need to make extra sure. I-I mean, a little twitch in friendship created seven different apocalypses." Twilight chuckle-sniffled. "W-what if Equestria gets t-taken over by some evil dark monkey overlord ten years down the line if I don't befriend you enough?"
"Th-then...let's be even better friends. For Equestria's sake." I almost didn't recognize my own laughter. I hadn't laughed like that in...forever. "Spike, would you help us too?"
"Save Equestria? Hop in bed with two cute mares? All in a day's work for ol' Spike." Spike chuckled as I levitated him over to join us.
"Don't ruin the moment, buster." Twilight warned.
"Too late for that." Spike shrugged. "I kinda ate too much of Moon Dancer's chilli beans at the lecture earlier."
"SPIKE!" Two pillows slammed into his face at the same time. And just like that Equestria was saved for the rest of the night.
So the finale has garnered some mixed responses all around. As always, vague aesops that don't quite make it to execution in the episode ends with the fandom erupting with personal interpretations. Well, this is mine, written feverishly in the dead of the night. It works off the following observations/head canons:
- Starlight Glimmer has a very broken moral compass. She actually believes she is the 'good guy'. In every appearance she is adamant that what she did was to create a happier world through equality.
- She believed that removing Twilight's friendships might allow her to get her town and home back. She did not knowingly 'destroy' Equestria. During the scene where Twilight showed her the end of the world, her reaction was utter disbelief. 'How could one pony's friendships make this much of a difference?!'.
- If she could be convinced Equestria is in danger, she would rise to the task of saving it. She wishes for the good of Equestria as much as Twilight if not more.
- She would not harm innocents, at least not purposely. Any evil she does is always in retaliation, but she does hold awful grudges.
In that sense, Starlight Glimmer reforming isn't all too unbelievable. She has never been 'evil' perse. She just has very misguided notions on 'good'. She wishes to create 'Friendship' for Equestria just as much as Twilight, even if her approach was bordering on evil-corporate Machiavellian.
Probably not my best work to be honest, considering I was half asleep by the time I hit the submit button, but I had fun writing it. I hope you all had as much fun reading it.
