I'm Sorry

by Jumphello

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Sad
Length: 2310

To Princess Luna, Nightmare Moon is no longer what ponies call her, but it is what she calls herself. After all the hatred she had felt for her sister, she finally grew familiar to the feeling of remorse. Could she even forgive herself?

“Luna, I want to tell you something,” Celestia smiled, wrapping one of her hooves around her sister in a loving gesture. “It’s okay to be afraid of something, even a few things. I’m even afraid of something. You shouldn’t be ashamed of what you feel, even though we are considered as royalty, it doesn’t mean we can’t feel the same feelings our subjects do. We’re ponies, and we’ll always be ponies.”

Suddenly, Celestia’s affectionate smile turned into a goofy grin, “Now you can stop calling me Miss Serious.”

“I don’t know about that, Tia.” Luna giggled, leaning into her sister. Celestia gave her an warmhearted smile as she nuzzled her. Luna snuggled into her embrace at the same time.

“Hey, Tia?” Luna asked suddenly, her small figure shuffling away, eyes focused on her sister’s face, “What is your biggest fear?”

Celestia shifted uncomfortably, making sure she could see her younger sister before she responded,

“Losing you.”

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-02 02:35:09 UTC

The Acceptance

~Luna's P.O.V~

Equestria’s beauty.

I never had the chance to consider it. Sickening, it felt afterwards, acknowledging the fact that I wanted to conquer the land I was taught to love and cherish, and instruct security that would allow the populus to live in eternal bliss.

Nevertheless, I didn’t regret what I’ve done. I couldn’t. No matter how hard I would try to forget, I knew I couldn’t repair the pain I’d forced onto the ponies who had done nothing wrong. All because of the envy I shared for somepony who was born naturally stronger than me, and I let those feelings consume me, which was my greatest mistake.

I could feel the familiar droplets of pure sorrow stain my cheeks. I hated the feeling, it was a sign of weakness, but I had allowed myself to weep freely since I was sent here, knowing that nopony would see me. Pity me. They had no reason to.

Luna…

It was that voice again, that would constantly remind me of my doings. I clamped my eyes shut as hard as I could, trying to briefly withdraw the voice back to the deepest depths of my mind, where it wouldn’t able to torment me, but it was no use.

You were so close to exacting your vengeance, it’s a shame that your inefficient sister had to use the elements to seal your fate. If we’d known--

“No.” I disputed. I felt as if my abdomen was boiling in indignation. “We will no longer be under your control. You have taken advantage of our loneliness, and used it for your own evil deeds. We will not fall for the same trick again, for we have recognized our mistakes, and how besieging our sister has caused the downfall of who we wanted to become,” I paused, “A mentor to our subjects.”

You are a disgrace if you honestly believe they’d forgive you. The voice responded, a sinister tone following. I wouldn’t be surprised if your sister were to execute you once you’re given the decision to return. IF you return, that is.

Suddenly, it was as if the once boiling rage in my abdomen cooled down, ceased to be. All that remained was an empty feeling, a feeling that couldn’t be described. Maybe this feeling was present because I knew that the voice was right, that Celestia wouldn’t have let me return without retribution. Maybe it was the recurring amount of fear that was trapped in my lungs. I wanted to scream as loud as I could, shaking the desolate planet until every single particle floating in the air knew of my anguish. But I had already done this many times before, it would just continue to be ineffective.

There was also a desire inside me that was brought anew, after all of my destructive energy was released. It was the desire to be forgiven. There was one memory that drifted about my mind now and then, that I could recall vividly. I could replay the scene inside my head as many times I wanted to, I could never forget…

*Tick-Tock.*

*Tick-Tock.*

The sound of a grandfather clock ticking almost put the guards that were instructed to conserve the Canterlot Castle to sleep. It reminded them of a lullaby. And no matter how hard they’ve tried, they couldn’t stay awake as soon as the clock began its soothing rhythm.

However, there was one young alicorn filly that couldn’t stand the pattern. Not only did the sound startle her whenever she thought she would finally have a moment of silence, but having her bed resting next to a window that gave her a clear reminder of how immense the castle her and her sister had to occupy really was, frightened her.

In the darkness, a small voice exclaimed,

“T..Tia?”

The filly’s voice was low and muffled. Not even the guards were able to hear her.

As she took in a deep breath, ready to try again, she thought about how Celestia had told her to speak in a loud and clear voice, for when the time came for her to take on her older sister's role as ruler.

“Tia!” She uttered, and sighed in relief as she heard the sound of multiple hooves hitting the hard ground as they made their way to her bedchambers.

A short time later, a Celestial guard entered her bedchambers, followed by her sister. Celestia had a concernful look on her face, but as she rested her gaze onto Luna, she knew the cause of her outburst instantly.

Celestia spoke to her guard in a firm, yet weary tone, “You may go. I can handle this myself. Thank you.”

The guard nodded in response, trotting out of the room. Afterwards, Celestia peered down at her younger sister with a questioning glance as she sat beside her cowering sister.

“Luna, are you able to tell me what distresses you?” She asked curiously. The younger filly emerged from the blankets, briefly meeting eyes with her sister, and then turning away.

“You don’t have to be afraid to confess your fears to me. I have told you before, shortly after mother and father had passed away, that you shouldn’t conceal yourself from the ponies who are here to guide you. Especially your older sister.”

Celestia didn’t expect her sister to respond instantaneously, however, she was surprised when her usually introverted sister spoke up,

“I know that I will always be safe in the castle, but… but….” She paused, “I’m scared of the ticking from father’s old clock, and I’m scared of looking outside and seeing how high up we are to the sky. I know I shouldn’t be afraid, but, I can’t stop thinking about it.”

A few tears began to run down the filly’s cheeks after her outburst, but were quickly wiped away from the hoof of another pony.

“Luna, I want to tell you something,” Celestia smiled, wrapping one of her hooves around her sister in a loving gesture. “It’s okay to be afraid of something, even a few things. I’m even afraid of something. You shouldn’t be ashamed of what you feel, even though we are considered as royalty, it doesn’t mean we can’t feel the same feelings our subjects do. We’re ponies, and we’ll always be ponies.”

Suddenly, Celestia’s affectionate smile turned into a goofy grin, “Now you can stop calling me Miss Serious.”

“I don’t know about that, Tia.” Luna giggled, leaning into her sister. Celestia gave her an warmhearted nuzzle as they snuggled, side-by-side.

“Hey, Tia?” Luna asked suddenly, her small figure shuffling away, eyes focused on her sister’s face, “What is your biggest fear?”

Celestia shifted uncomfortably, making sure she could see her younger sister before she responded,

“Losing you.”

The memory stopped abruptly as I felt a warm sensitivity inside of me, as if my heart was forcefully being tugged at. I was used to it. This feeling would overcome me whenever I thought of this memory in particular.

‘Losing you.’

I shivered, those two powerful words numbing my palate. The natural chill I was used to couldn’t compare to the conditions I were feeling now.

I was facing the earth now, my eyes began to droop, the empty atmosphere around me swam. Reality to me was now unsure. I knew that I should be getting  to sleep now.

Scarcely remembering the warmth of the castle I used to inhabit, I rested my head onto the rough, awkward ground. I had to constantly remind myself that this is what I deserved, that this was my prison for years more to come.

However, I already knew, that the worst has yet to come.

The Conversation

~Celestia’s P.O.V~

It was just another night, it did not differ from the others. Ever since I used the elements to imprison my sister in the moon, I have been writing and sending countless letters, displaying the emotions I have felt, and continue to feel after the punishment she did not rightly deserve.

I assumed that she would’ve disposed of all the letters I’ve sent in the past, but I couldn’t help but advance.  I needed to stay in contact with her, even though we now lived in two separate worlds, two separate planets.

Now, it was that time again, for me to raise the moon, and I couldn’t help but remind myself of what I’ve done. My very sister converting from once was a ecstatic, upbeat mare, to a isolated, wistful soul.  I’ve seen the change with my very own eyes, but yet, I haven’t.

I’ve heard my subjects worship me, since the day I was born, to today. I take all of the admiration exhibited to me to heart, especially those from neighboring leaders.

“Princess Celestia, might I say, you are one of the most wisest souls I’ve ever met. It’s an honor to be in your acquaintance.”

This is what one would say, and I didn’t think of it as something they really meant until now.

I adore all of my subjects, but what they don’t realize is that I’m just a pony, just like them. I’m no god. And I know for a fact that I’m not as wise as they say I am.

“Princess Celestia,” A coarse voice interrupted my thoughts.

I had forgotten that a guard was always required to roam the Canterlot gardens at night. I felt the unconditional sorrow in my lungs as I turned around, facing the panic-stricken guard.

“It is quite bitter tonight, and forgive me for observing but, you do not usually stay out this long. Especially when raising the moon. Is there something troubling you?”

I felt my heart stiffen, a strong feeling of warmth, starting from under my hooves, and reaching up to my chest. The stinging sensation that came from the frosty winds had withdrew, as if the feelings that were stored inside of me made an adjustment to the climate. I could still feel my mane dance alongside the gusts of wind, revealing most of my face.

I smiled to myself as the guard's eyes widened, his mouth agape. Nopony had seen this side of me before. However, I was glad that the winds had done this, it was as if the deepest depths of my mind were controlling it, if that was possible.

I could tell that he was uncomfortable, my common sense was yearning for me to tell him to return to his observant post. Although, I had another purpose for him.

“No, nothing is bothering me tonight, Emerald.” I paused, the statement becoming more as a question. He realized what I had meant, and nodded. I continued on, “Thank you for tending the garden. I don’t think anypony has thanked you yet, am I correct?”

“No, nopony has.” He admitted, a little startled by my forward question, but casually shook it off. “I appreciate the courtesy, your highness.”

“Is it a-appropriate,” I cleared my throat, a little nervous, “If you joined me? It’s your choice. Don’t think of it as a requirement.”

“I-I wouldn’t mind at all.” He smiled kindly, before sitting beside me as I began to pay more attention to the star-filled sky.

Then, there was a silence. The only noise that could be heard was the sound of the grass being shifted by the wind, most pieces being torn from the ground, joining the traveling breeze. We didn’t speak directly to each other at first, but instead let the open-sky do the talking, until I heard a barely audible whisper,

"Princess?"

“Yes?” I spoke, at a normal tone.

“You are troubled, aren’t you?”

I looked over to him, speechless. My tongue couldn’t escape my mouth.

“I know what it is like,” He sighed, making sure we were making eye-contact. “Losing somepony close to you. It’s devastating. I’ve heard about the story about Nightmare Moon, and how you were forced to send her to the moon,” He paused, looking away. He turned back to face me seconds later, but his eyes were different, they were glassy, break-able. Not like I’ve ever seen before. Or maybe I have.

An image of a young filly passed by, who I cared so severely for, and who I promised to protect.

“I can see the loss in your eyes.”

I took in a deep breath, hoping to withhold the pain my eyes so strongly wanted to release. I was about to ask, before he interrupted,

“2 years ago. My younger sister, Indigo. Only 8 years old.” It was at this moment that Emerald had bowed his head, tears streaming down his cheeks, struggling to regain his breath.

I wanted to look away, to avoid the need to sob alongside him. Fortunately, I was able to resist the urgency, but instead, I had pressed one of my hooves comfortably onto his tough shoulders, that didn’t feel so tough anymore, as he sobbed his heart out in front of me.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized. I couldn’t say anymore, before I felt a wetness stain onto my cheek.

“You shouldn’t be crying, not because of me,” He hiccuped, meeting my gaze. I looked deeply into his irises, which were bloodshot from the previous scenes.

I swallowed harshly, reminding myself that I should’ve raised the moon about an hour ago, but right now, it didn’t matter, nothing mattered.

“Emerald, you may return to your post.” I exhaled, watching him as he stood, his legs wobbly, but he didn’t stumble as he made his way back to the entrance of the castle.

-       -

What I had remembered the most about the previous night was that how he glanced backwards at me as he was trotting back to the castle. It was nothing like a glare, but it had an hidden emotion inside that I couldn’t recognize.

I didn't write a letter that night.

For the first time ever.