The Twilight Years

by Crimmar

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike
Length: 61641

Short stories about Twilight's and Raegdan's life in the years before the events of The Lunar Guardsman

Twilight Sparkle has a special guardian while under the tutelage of Princess Celestia. A creature that turns intensely violent at the slightest threat against his charge. A creature that will maim and kill without concern if it has to, that will do anything to keep those it loves safe.
These are not these stories.
These are the stories from the inside. The stories that make a makeshift family work. The small moments. The little secrets. The normal life.

Short stories about Twilight's and Spike's life before the events of the Lunar Guardsman. Maybe a little funny, maybe a little sad, maybe a little sappy, certainly not on any chronological order. Chapters posted whenever I am taken by the mood to write one.

This is a collection of prequel stories to The Lunar Guardsman, an M rated story currently in progress by yours truly.

Many of the chapters are worthy of the Comedy tag, some of the Sad tag, and a couple of the Dark tag.

Published 2015-11-29 21:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-09-18 03:55:50 UTC

An oral problem

Another day, another lesson. Celestia could not complain though. On the contrary, the eagerness she had for every day’s session to begin could rival the one displayed by her student.

Celestia had brought Twilight into her private chambers. They were going to mostly practice fine control today, and her own rooms provided the best chance for them to stay uninterrupted.

Twilight was sitting between Celestia’s front legs as she lounged on a large pillow, almost a mattress in its own right, that she had placed on the marbled floor. The look of intense concentration on her young face as she tried to separate the grains of sand Celestia had provided her always brought an honest smile to Celestia’s lips. She was just adorable!

A small marble appeared before Celestia and she quickly caught it before it could land on Twilight’s head, distracting her. Celestia turned to look at the table that Raegdan and Spike occupied. The pair had elected to stay as far as possible from teacher and student, reluctant to break Twilight’s concentration. They whispered to each other, making an admirable effort to remain quiet. The extremely young, baby dragon would normally cling around Twilight, asking questions or cheering her on with adverse effects on something so delicate.

Luckily, Raegdan was always around to babysit Spike and keep him busy. The little hatchling showed an incredible amount of respect to Raegdan. Celestia suspected that the dragon’s instincts led him to recognize Raegdan as a greater authority even than her, due to his status as a fellow carnivore. Raegdan had quickly bonded with Spike and he in turn had almost immediately adopted the biped as his father figure, trailing behind him on every opportunity.

Raegdan was currently performing his own session of teaching with Spike. He had gotten hold of a few marbles and some sheets of paper that he had crumpled into a sphere shape. Every now and then he would throw one of them upwards for the little dragon to hit with his fire. If it was a paper ball, he had to light it on fire. If it was a marble, he had to send it to Celestia. Celestia had to admit, Raegdan had a greater penchant than her for turning exercises into fun games.

The little dragon loved this game but had trouble with both aiming, which meant that Raegdan looked like he was dancing on his chair like an epileptic to avoid the thin pillars of flame, or switching to his magic fire, in which case a red hot marble fell back on Raegdan’s palm. Celestia had provided him with a basin of water to cool down the marbles. He often made stops to dunk his hand in it too.

Celestia turned her attention back to her student. Despite the small grunts of pain and hushed giggles she could barely hear -Celestia would feel bad with how much the whole scene entertained her if she didn’t know that Raegdan actually played along to amuse them- this was a moment to treasure. She loved those few hours when all four of them were together. There was a palpable feeling of homeliness and casualness during these times instead of the stiff and formal setting she was used to and dreaded.

A few more minutes passed in relative peace and quiet. Twilight was making an amazing amount of progress. She started out with extreme difficulty in grabbing a single grain and now she was able to easily snatch up two or three of them at the same time, barely disturbing the rest around them.

A hand tapped her on the shoulder, and then did the same to her student, surprising her enough to stop her constant casting. Raegdan was crouching next to them, his legs bending so much at the knees they brought his almost sitting on the floor. He presented a serving tray in front of them, filled with small sandwiches, a jug of juice, and two glasses.

“Alright, ladies. What do you think about taking a break?” he asked smiling widely.

“I’m starving,” little Twilight cried out and quickly picked up a sandwich, stuffing her mouth. Celestia laughed and took hold of a napkin to clean the filly’s face from the jam she spread on her coat in her haste. Raegdan looked on smiling as he filled up their glasses with juice.

“When you are done eating these, I have something special for you.” He pulled a small bundle, wrapped in a napkin from his pocket and opened it to reveal four large chocolate cookies. “Two for each, alright ladies?” he winked.

“What about Spike?” Twilight asked. Pride filled Celestia’s chest. Her young student did not forget her friend.

“I gave him a gem to snack from Celestia’s stash after he finishes his own meal,” Raegdan answered. He turned to Celestia. “I got him one of the blue ones, that’s ok, right?”

“A tanzanite?” Celestia asks in confirmation. “Yes, one of these will do. I believe dragons find them very tasty. It’s almost like a chocolate pastry for him,” she says to Twilight’s questioning eyes.

“Hmm, I thought the right word for these was sapphires.” Raegdan took out his small, battered dictionary but Twilight stopped him from leafing through it to make the unwarranted correction.

“No, Raegdan. A sapphire is another kind of gem. Both of them are blue.”

“Huh. What’s the difference then in what Spike gets?”

“Oh, they are both tasty and nutritious for him,” Celestia answered, “but he is too young to be able to eat something as hard as a sapphire.”

Raegdan eyes lost their focus. “Did you have any sapphires in there?”

“A few. But since you gave him a tanzanite…” Celestia had an awful suspicion. “Raegdan. Did you give him a tanzanite or a sapphire?”

“How do you tell them apart?” he asked.

Behind them, there was a loud crunch followed by painful cries.

“Never mind, I figured it out!” Raegdan yelled as he rushed to Spike’s side.

“Is the doctor going to be here soon or not?” an irate princess asked the guard. Celestia would normally be much more patient, but Spike had been crying his eyes out for almost half an hour. Raegdan was sitting on a chair, holding him to his chest, trying to calm him down. He wasn’t having much success at all, and what was worse, he almost looked as if he was about to burst in tears too.

Most of the nurses that passed by made a few soothing noises at the baby dragon. A few just snickered behind their hoofs at them. Raegdan’s eyes followed the last type as they left, memorizing their cutie marks.

“I’m sorry, your Grace,” the poor guard stammered. “We haven’t been able to find him yet, but his shift starts in just a few minutes. We hope he will appear on his own soon enough.”

Celestia huffed in disappointment. One time she tries to abuse her authority to get a pony to come to work earlier, and her guards cannot find him to get him here.

“Twilight,” she said to the little filly by her side, “could you please tell Raegdan I want to talk with him? Keep little Spike company in the meanwhile. See if you can calm him down.”

Twilight’s little frown turns to a smile as she nodded and skipped towards the source of the crying that was drilling into Celestia’s soul. Raegdan soon came to her side. Now that the young ones couldn’t see his face he had let all the inner agony he felt come forth.

“It was not your fault,” Celestia assured him before he had a chance to say anything.

He shook his head. “Of course it is my fault. I gave him that gem.”

“That tooth was probably weak already. Your small mistake sped up the process, that’s it.”

“I still screwed up. Maybe you should find somebody else to take care of little flame. I can’t-”

Celestia’s magic grabbed one of the books she had ordered delivered to her and smacked him with it. “I said it’s not your fault and that’s final. Here, I got you something to read. It’s about dragon physiology and diet. This will help prevent any more accidents if you worry about this.”

“It’s not much help if I can’t tell one gem from-”

A second, thicker book smacked him again. This was fun, Celestia thought. “Here. Everything you need to know about gems.”

“Huh. This might be what I need. Does it have pictu-”

A third book smacked him, cutting him off.

“Stop that! What’s this?”

Celestia unrolled the magazine she had gotten hold of. “Canterlot Pony Weekly. It seems that its main article is “How to tell if your significant other is no longer attracted to your tail.” I think that might be an euphemism.”

“Why the hell did you hit me with that?”

“Because you’ve been a bad boy?” Celestia asked. She rolled up the magazine and smacked him one last time.

Raegdan tried to keep a serious face but a snort escaped him, revealing his smile for a brief second before being overtaken by a questioning expression. “Hey, little flame stopped crying. How did our little one manage tha-”

As both of them turned to the young pair in question they froze in comprehending shock.

“...and then the dentist uses a drill. It uses specialized runes to make it rotate along its axis in many rotations per minute, I’m not sure how much but we can ask, and that way it can pierce through the tooth enamel easily. He grinds away at the tooth like that and then he drills a hole in it that reaches deep into your gums. Then he basically inserts a screw that…”

“Why are we not stopping her?” Celestia’s own voice screamed in her head. Both her and Raegdan did nothing but stare in morbid fascination while Spike listened to his step sister with a wide eyed, horrified expression that Twilight had failed to notice.

“Princess Celestia. I am so sorry for making you wait!” A white maned stallion was running towards them while putting on his white coat. “I’m the castle’s dentist, White Crest. Which of these young ones is my patient today?”

Spike looked at the dentist’s bright, toothy smile and began screaming.

“Little flame, there is nothing to worry about, I promise. You won’t feel a thing.”

“No way! He’s got a drill and he’s going to use it on me. Twilight said so!” Raegdan took the opportunity to throw a disapproving glance towards the filly. “And did you see the tools he has next to that chair? They are like big needles and I even saw pliers! He’s going to pull my tooth out, I don’t want to do this, I want to go, get me out of here dad, please!”

Raegdan rubbed the tiny dragon’s shoulder. “Little flame, it’s not going to hurt. Even if it would, they have spells and such to make it painless. Which you won’t need,” he quickly backpedalled. “It never hurts at all.”

“Yeah,” Spike agreed, “but they are ponies. I’m a dragon. It might be different for me.”

“Ok, now you are being ridiculous. It’s not going to be different. I’m telling you, it’s safe.”

“No! I’m not doing it. I want to leave.”

Celestia decided to step in. Raegdan had been trying to convince Spike to climb on the chair for the last five minutes. It had gone on a relative repeat after the first minute.

“Spike, how about this if that’s your fear; Raegdan is not a pony either. If he lets the good doctor check him out, will you be convinced?” Celestia said with a reassuring smile.

“Well… If dad can do it, I can do it too.”

Raegdan pushed Celestia a little further away and whispered. “This might be a good time to mention that I don’t like dentists either.”

Celestia’s eyes looked at him with pity and compassion and absolutely no trace of sarcasm or taunting. That or the opposite. She really didn’t want to spend all her day in here, next to that terrifying drilling machine. “How much of a choice do you think you have right now?”

Raegdan obediently took his seat on the dentist’s chair.

The doctor quickly got to work, shining a light in Raegdan’s open mouth. He tried to prod at a tooth with one of his tools but as soon as the dentist touched him with it the magical field dissipated and it fell down on the floor.

At the dentist’s questioning look Celestia spoke up. “Raegdan is… having a disrupting effect on magic that touches him or gets too close to him. No spell of any type has been able to affect him so far. You are going to have to be a little careful.”

“Ah, a challenge,” the old stallion says. “Well, open up wider lad. I’m going to have to check on these beauties the old fashioned way.” White Crest used a long piece of dental floss to tie his prodding tool on his hoof.

Raegdan jerked a little as the dentist inserted the sharp tool in his mouth. “I’m sorry,” White Crest apologized, “I’m not used to working with my hooves.”

“It’s ok. I didn’t feel a thing,” Raegdan answered. Celestia saw the metal’s red edge and the blood that was seeping from Raegdan’s gum. Luckily, Spike was too short and his vantage point didn’t allow him to see that.

“Oh, that’s bad,” White Crest said after a minute.

“Something wrong?” Celestia asked. She didn’t expect Raegdan to actually have a problem with his teeth. She just thought the doctor would prod him for a while before he started working on Spike. Still, this might help relax Spike even further.

“There’s some decay here, along with some more damage. I can take care of it, no problem.”

“What, now?” Raegdan asked with a slight tinge of panic in his voice.

“Is this going to hurt him?” Spike’s innocent voice piped up.

Raegdan quickly sunk back into the chair. “No, of course not. We are going to be done right away, isn’t that correct, doctor?”

“Yes, yes, no problem at all. I'm just going to cast a numbing spell on you first and-”

Celestia cut him off, speaking lowly but urgently. “Doctor White Crest, I believe I already mentioned that spells of any kind don’t work on Raegdan.”

“Not even that?” the old stallion asked with wonder. “In that case, my boy,” he whispered, “you are in for a world of hurt.”

Raegdan lifted up his head so he could see Spike’s big eyes patiently watching him, judging how discomforted his adopted father was by the whole process. One of Spike’s little hands was against his cheek, where his broken tooth was still aching him.

“Celestia,” Raegdan whispered.

“Yes?”

“Get little flame and the little one out until the doctor is done, will you?”

Celestia was about to agree but stopped. The reason she halted was currently in White Crest’s hooves. An old fashioned, large drill, that worked with a manual crank. It looked more like a mixer tool you’d find in a kitchen or an instrument of torture in an evil dungeon than something destined for medical use. Raegdan spotted it too if she judged by the way his pupils turned into the size of pins.

“And put a silence spell on the door,” he whispered, horrified beyond words.

“...and it really didn’t hurt at all!” Spike repeated amazed.

Celestia patted his tiny head with one of her wings. “We told you it wouldn’t, Spike. Now, why don’t you go off and find Twilight? I’m sure she will want to hear all about it.”

“Ok! Where is dad anyway? I want to tell him too.”

“Raegdan is still in the bathroom,” Celestia said. “You have all the time in the world to tell him later, but right now Twilight waits for you.” Spike nodded and hurried off to find her young student.

When he was gone Celestia approached the bathroom door and knocked. “Raegdan?”

A moan of pain answered from within.

“I’m really, really sorry for what happened. I promise, I’m going to find an earth pony or pegasus dentist the next time. They certainly won’t have a problem with trembling hooves.”

A short moan agreed with her.

“Spike has gone off to find Twilight. If you can just avoid opening your mouth until the bleeding stops and the wounds heal…”

A long moan that ended in a tiny whimper told her what he thought about the quality of her suggestion.

“We can tell him you went off to hunt if you prefer.”

An affirmative groan told Celestia to go with that plan instead.

“Agreed then.” She hesitated. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

Two small moans.

“I am not killing you. You’ve managed through worse. Spike at least had the excuse of youth for acting like that,” Celestia reprimanded him.

One very short moan.

“I’m a pony princess, not a diamond dog princess. You shouldn’t be calling me that.”

The moan repeated itself.

“The way you act? Right back at you.”

Different? Really? That matters?

Spike turned another page of the book he had placed on the reading table in front of him. He had reached the middle of it when he realized he hadn’t been paying attention to the text for the last three pages. He flicked backwards to the chapter’s start and… he had been “reading” the wrong book. He was supposed to be doing math, not reading history. He closed the book’s cover and looked for the correct one.

He frowned. He was sure he had picked it from the shelf but he couldn’t see it anywhere…

“Looking for this, little flame?” Raegdan was waving the thin book next to his head while he kept his attention beyond the door next to him.

“Oh, yeah. Thanks dad. I uh, was-”

“Not paying attention. I figured out that much.” His dad leaned sideways and his long arm brought the book in front of Spike. The baby dragon grabbed it, feeling embarrassed. He quickly opened the book and-

The arm had returned holding white sheets of paper and a pencil. “Won’t you need these too?”

Spike delved into the mysteries of math, solving the riddles of apple trading and figuring out the balance between how many fruits the vendor sold in a day and how many a particular customer ended up enriching his pantry with. It was all terribly exciting. Terribly being the keyword. Maybe that’s why he ended up just staring blankly at the book while his hand was unconsciously scribbling lines on his notes.

Raegdan coughed, taking care to be as quiet as possible, bringing Spike back to awareness of his surroundings. “Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you, little flame?”

“I’m… not sure. Maybe…” Spike said hesitantly.

His adopted father shrugged. “Whenever you feel ready little flame. I’m not going anywhere.” Raegdan turned to look towards the other end of the reading room for a few seconds before returning to blocking the door through scowling harshly at whoever approached.

Spike looked behind him. Twilight was at the furthest table, reading some book on magic theory or something similar that mom- Princess Celestia had given her. The white Alicorn had quietly fallen asleep on the table. Raegdan had taken off the clothing he wore on the upper part of his body and bundled it together, placing it as a pillow beneath her head. It was why he was sitting right on the threshold of the door. He didn’t want anypony to come in and wake her from one of her rare naps. He was succeeding so far.

“She is gonna be so angry with you when she wakes up,” Spike snickered.

Raegdan’s leg shot across to the opposite edge of the door, blocking it until another pony got the all too clear message and instantly decided to move on. “Let her. At least she’ll be rested enough to do so. How many problems have you solved so far?”

Spike read what he had written down so far. It didn’t take any time at all. “Uh, none.”

“If you don’t finish six of them at least, there will be no gem with your dinner tonight,” Raegdan said sternly.

“Ok, ok, geez.” Spike threw himself at his workload. It lasted about thirty seconds. He tapped his pencil on the paper, turned to other side of the sheet, scribbled a bit, anything to make himself look busy while doing nothing at all.

He looked up after a couple of minutes of this to see his father staring pointedly at him. “I’m just… thinking it over,” he excused himself.

“Really?” he asked disbelieving. He took back the math book. “Mind telling me what the problem was about then?”

“Uh…” Spike said fluently.

Raegdan threw the book back on the table. “Little flame, are you sure you don’t want to talk about what’s on your mind?”

Spike let his head hang. He wasn’t sure himself if he wanted to but… he dropped all pretense and put his forehead against his folded arms on the table, letting his eyes hide in the tiny shelter he made for himself.

“Dad… am I ever gonna fit in?” he asked.

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s just that…” One of Spike’s arm stopped being a wall and waved around. “I’m a dragon living with ponies. I walk on two legs, I breathe fire, I eat gems and one day I’ll start eating meat. I don’t have anything in common with them, do I?”

“So, you think that…” Raegdan spurred him on.

“I think that I don’t think I’m ever going to have friends or… or a place in the world. Dragons don’t get cutie marks. What if I end up alone and… why are you smiling?” Spike whined.

“Spike, do me a favor,” Raegdan said. “Repeat in your head what you just said only this time you do it while looking at me.” Raegdan spread his arms like wings, waiting for Spike to do as he asked.

Spike did so… and quickly saw his point. “Oh! I, I didn’t mean-”

Raegdan moved and sat next to his adopted son, his arm holding him from his tiny shoulder tight against his much larger body. “Ok, little flame, first of all… forget about being friendless and stuff. Look at me. At least ponies know about dragons. Who has ever seen anything like me before?” His fingers left Spike’s shoulders and started scratching his back. “Despite that, here I am. I have you, I have Twilight, her family, Cadence, and Celestia.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Secondly,” Raegdan interrupted him, “I am not the friendly little guy you are, am I? Come on Spike, ponies are basically eating out of your hand after a couple of minutes of knowing you. You will never lack friends, trust me on that. Even if you did, you’d still have us, right?”

Spike leaned against Raegdan’s hairless torso, enjoying the hug. “Yeah, you are right. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“It’s ok little flame,” Raegdan assured him. “After all, you’re right. You are always gonna be different than anyone, pony or dragon.”

“What?”

Raegdan lightly patted Spike’s back. “You are a dragon raised by ponies… and me. You think there’s ever been anyone similar like you before?”

“But… but…”

Raegdan chuckled. “Oh, quit your worrying. Look. Behind us, what do you see? See that? That’s one of the most powerful unicorns ever and she is being tutored by the most unique being in existence. Now, is it so horrible to think that you will end up being as unique as they are?”

Spike felt ashamed of himself. He had been so self absorbed he hadn’t been thinking at all. He had just been feeling sorry for himself. His dad was right. Being different didn’t mean that he would end up alone, not when there were others even stranger. But still…

“Dad?” Raegdan waited for him, smiling. “If… if being different is not so bad… why did you tell mom that you’ll always be alone and nothing she can do will fix that?”

The smile vanished from Raegdan’s face. “You heard that?” he asked unnecessarily.

Spike nodded.

“That… was something completely different, little flame. I’m… Look, I don’t feel alone because of what I am, or not being liked enough, or anything like that. It’s a matter of experiences.” Raegdan explained.

“What do you mean?”

Raegdan ran a palm over his face. It was obvious he didn’t want to discuss this. “It’s… like reading a book. One day you read a book about an adventure and want to talk about it with someone else. Even if you don’t find anyone else who read this particular book you can still find someone who likes books about adventures in general and you can share views and talk about them with him. Understand so far?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, in my case, it’s like… I read a thriller book. Not only can’t I find someone who read this book, I can’t find anyone who likes or read thriller books at all. There is no one else who reads these kind of books here.”

“Oh. So… you mean, even if I am a dragon, I will still be able to find common ground with other ponies because I have been raised as one and if I ever meet a dragon I will have the fact that we are the same species at least,” Spike said in understanding.

“Right,” Raegdan agreed. “I’m a special case so don’t bother with me. You are going to be fine, little flame. Trust me, you will have a unique, but great, life.” He ran his hand over the top of Spike’s head, tickling the fins there. “But darn, you are smart. You keep paying attention to Twilight and Celestia, it’s really paying off.”

“But what about you?”

“Didn’t I just say not to bother with me? Besides, can you imagine what it would be like with another one like me around? Celestia would scream non-stop,” he joked.

“She only does that when you really step out of line,” Spike laughed.

“Well, there’s no fear of that anyway, so the point is moot. Now, are you ready to stop doodling and actually do your homework?” Raegdan asked as he went back to his former position.

“Yeah, I think so. Dad?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re not going to leave me no matter how different I end up being, will you?” Spike asked with some fear.

His dad’s casual answer reassured him more than anything else he could say. “Little flame, you can start breathing cold, walk on seven legs, and eat nothing but celery. It wouldn’t change a thing.”

“Now do your homework,” he ordered.

Spike threw himself at the book, finally being able to pay attention. “Let’s see… Two farmers produce an average of eleven apples per day each if the weather pegasi create rain once per week. How much…”

Raegdan’s leg shot out to stop a pony from entering. “Want something?” he growled.

“I… I have a message for Princess Celestia,” the unicorn said.

“Is it important enough to try going through me?” Raegdan said leaning towards him, his arms crossed over his chest.

The pony gulped and backed off. “I’ll just wait for her then?”

“You do that. I’d go to the throne room if I was you and schedule something with Paisley Leaf. She is holding court tomorrow.”

“But… yes sir, sorry sir. I’ll… I’ll be going now…”

Raegdan didn’t turn to look at Spike. “Six problems, little flame, or no dessert. Get to it,” he said in a friendly tone.

At least he had a good idea of what not to do if he wanted to have friends, Spike thought. He went back to problem solving. His precious gem was on the line!

Behind them, Celestia must have heard him because she mumbled something about cakes as she pressed her head deeper into the makeshift pillow.

New playmate

“I haven’t babysat in ages!” Cadance cried out in excitement. She just adored little fillies and colts, and babysitting had been one of her greatest joys even with all the problems that came with it. The little sweethearts were worth it!

Maybe not all the time but for the majority of it, sure.

Her aunt cleared her throat in a bid for attention. Cadance was only too happy to oblige. “You are not going to be babysitting so much as being a more… traditional playmate for young Twilight.”

“Twilight? Is that what your new student is called? Huh, that’s a coincidence.”

“May I know what that is?” Aunt Celestia asked with a knowing smile.

“I used to babysit a little filly called Twilight too. Twilight Sparkle. She was just precious, you’d love her,” Cadance responded with a smile of her own.

“Oh, I believe I would,” Celestia nodded, “especially since we are talking about the same filly.”

Cadance’s shock caused her to stay behind a couple of steps before she trotted up to walk right beside her aunt once more. “Little Twilight is your new student? Really?”

“Yes, and a very promising one I may add. Now, I don’t know if you have been told by anyone else but there had been an incident shortly after she became my student.”

“I’ve heard a few things but nothing too clear.” Cadance wracked her brain trying to bring everything she had known in a clear order. “It’s mostly nonsense. Something happened to her and you set some kind of monster following after her like a dog to protect her. Like I said, nonsense…” Cadance’s words trailed off as she saw the guilty look that had settled on Celestia’s features. “Auntie, this isn’t true, is it?” she asked worried.

Celestia let out an exaggerated breath, puffing her cheeks. “Twilight Sparkle was foalnapped, right under our noses, from the castle. Calm down, nothing happened to her, apart from a few nightmares that have already passed as a result of her experience. The monster you heard about is actually the one who saved her. He is currently serving as her bodyguard, babysitter, playmate, listener, carriage, chair, backscratcher, and whatever else Twilight ropes him into doing.”

Cadance let out a laugh. “He certainly doesn’t sound like a monster then. What’s his name?”

“Raegdan. I should warn you that he might try to convince you that he is a monster anyway. He tends to rely on fear and violence to make certain that nopony even thinks of touching a hair on Twilight’s mane,” Celestia said grimly.

Cadance didn’t like the sound of that. “Um, is that kind of person really fit to spend so much time with a young, impressionable filly?”

Her aunt beamed proudly at her. “Only in your teens and you already think more maturely than many ponies working for me. Most ponies worried about the immediate danger of Raegdan hurting her, or others, in a physical way.”

“That’s also a valid concern,” Cadance interjected.

“One that you shouldn’t worry about. You’ll see for yourself Cadance. Twilight is completely safe in Raegdan’s presence and he does his best to ascertain she doesn’t copy any of his more objectionable traits. He is actually the one who asked me to find someone like you to spend time with Twilight?”

“Really?” Cadance exclaimed in surprise.

“Oh yes. He will be present of course, he isn’t going to leave her out of his sight until he really trusts you. He asked if I knew of any young mares that could spend some time with her.”

Cadance adopted an overdone tone of gratefulness. “Thank you for the vote of confidence, oh great aunt of mine.”

Celestia stopped in front of a door and opened it. “Oh hush. We are here. Let’s see if she remembers-”

”Cadance!” cried a cheerful, filly voice. Yep, little Twilight remembered her alright!

They both rushed forward and set off on their little ritualistic dance of greeting. They both laughed and Twilight almost choked her with the hug that followed. Cadance was about to ask her how she was when she saw… him.

She expected something scary or intimidating. Maybe claws or some very visible teeth. She expected him to be large, certainly, and he didn’t disappoint on that account. He was taller than her aunt or even the minotaurs he slightly resembled with his biped physique. But the rest, oh dear aunt of hers, the rest… she held her breath, reluctant to let the slightest wisp of air escape from her lungs.

“Is that her?” the target of her intense stare asked. Cadance couldn’t not take her eyes off him, even as she knew that she should. His words were broken, obviously not knowing the language very well.

Celestia stared at Twilight’s bodyguard for a second before regaining her composure, and avoiding glancing back to him, said, “let me introduce you to her. Raegdan, this is princess Mi Amore Cadenza but she prefers to go by Cadance. Cadance, this is-”

The tall biped cut her off, something nopony would ever dream of doing. “I’m Raegdan, pleasure to meet y-”

Twilight cut him off in turn. “Raegdan, we are still playing!” she complained with a hint of betrayal in her voice.

Raegdan sighed deeply. He fanned behind him the forest animal themed curtain that he had wrapped around his shoulders as a kind of cloak, flicked the blonde mane wig over his head with an excessive motion, though still careful as to not drop the paper crown that adorned the top, and impressively bowed at his middle, offering them the tea tray he held.

“I am Prince Rumbledumble, envoy from the lands of Glitter to meet with the Sovereign of the Sparklebook kingdom. Would you join us for tea?” Raegdan recited his script utterly deadpan.

“So, prince Rumbledumble, what are the requirements for-”

Raegdan took off his paper crown, followed by wig. “Tea party is over, call me Raegdan now,” he half-heartedly reproached her.

“Raegdan then,” Cadance smiled at him brightly. The pretend game had been pretty fun, even her aunt joined in for a few minutes until a guard came along with a message. Raegdan had kept declaring war at her only for her aunt to ask him with what kind of army did he intend to do this. At this point he would pronounce her heartfelt apology accepted. Celestia had just started egging him on, completely enjoying herself when she had to leave despite Twilight’s and Raegdan’s protests. “I’m surprised you let a little filly dress you up like this for a tea party. Most stallions would be too embarrassed to do something like this.”

Raegdan shrugged. “Not a stallion and don’t need to prove nothing. This?” he pulled at the curtain cloak that trailed behind him, “It was princess dress last time. Little one has fun, that’s enough for me. It’s shame Celestia left. She needs more breaks like this.”

“Do I pass then? Do you have any problems if I am around as Twilight’s playmate?” Cadance asked after she finished laughing at the image.

Raegdan waved his hand downwards and set himself on the task of taking off the improptu cloak, carefully folding it. “Sure. Little one knows you and likes you, you are Celestia’s daughter, no problem.”

“Oh, I’m not Celestia’s daughter!” Cadance piped up.

“Huh? But… wings and horns… you are Alicorn, correct?”

“Yes, but we are not actually related,” Cadance replied. They were getting into a murky area where she wasn’t supposed to answer much and she had no idea what this strange person was allowed to know. “I’m not allowed to say much. Princess Celestia adopted me as her niece and teaches me like Twilight, though different subjects. I was actually gone for some time learning more advanced magic from unicorn teachers, that’s why we haven’t met earlier.”

Raegdan was scratching his hair, examining the bottom of the wig with mistrust. “Makes sense now why she was often gone. Still no problem. Do you do something like Celestia does with sun?” he asked. He got up and stood next to the bathroom door.

“Nothing that physical. I suppose you could say that I am the Princess of Love.”

Raegdan’s head whipped back towards her, frowning intensely. “Aren’t you too young for this?”

Cadance blushed. She loved her pink coat but the way it turned to bright red so easily… not so much. “I’m… I mean the sentiment not the… physical aspect....” He was looking blankly at her. “You know, the emotion of love?” she explained further, pointing at her chest. Raegdan nodded his understanding with a relieved breath.

He gently tapped at the bathroom door. “Little one, everything ok? You have been there too long.”

“I’m fine!” Twilight yelled from inside. “Too much tea!”

“Let her. She will come out when she feels she is all primp and proper,” Cadance chuckled.

Raegdan sat back on the too small seat. “Princess of love, huh? What do you do then?”

“We are still exploring what exactly I can do,” Cadance said. “What I can easily do so far is sense the connections between ponies and those they love, and reinvigorate those feelings. Give them new strength,” she explained before he could ask. “I can show you if you like,” she said, eagerly letting her horn light up.

“Magic doesn’t work on me,” he claimed.

“Really?” Cadance asked dubiously. “It seems to work just fine. I can sense your love for Twilight, very strong and growing, Celestia, and others. There’s this tendril that’s… weird this one looks like it’s... infected some-” Cadance gasped in pain. She felt something akin to a black lance of burning cold piercing her heart, the pain unlike anything she had ever felt before. She opened her mouth to scream when it all faded away.

Raegdan’s hand was around her horn, the magic unresponding to her.

“Don’t. Do that. Again,” he growled.

“I’m, I’m sorry.” She could certainly understand why ponies feared him. She felt a little bit of fear herself as he loomed over her, her magic gone, with his omnivore teeth in full display and too close to her.

He glared at her for a full second before taking off his hand gently and slowly sitting back down. “You should be careful with that. I don’t know magic, but if you can feel love you might be able to feel other things too,” he warned her, looking concerned.

“Other things?”

He picked up a tea tray and showing one side to her. “Love,” he said. He turned it around, showing off the bottom. “Hate.” The explanation and its consequences were simple and to the point.

Cadance gulped. Suddenly, her cutie mark felt like a heavier burden than she believed it to be. She would need to talk with aunt Celestia. She hadn't been able to feel hate before now.

And what was that connection? Why was it like that?

The bathroom door opened with a loud bang, letting an excited filly hop her way out. “I’m back! What are we playing now?”

Cadance fought the morose feeling back for Twilight’s sake. It was getting a little late in the evening. Something quiet would do. “We could play a boardgame. How about cand-”

“I want to build a bookfort!” Twilight cried out, clopping her hooves together.

“Of course you do,” Raegdan said resigned. “I’ll pick up some pillows and we can go.”

“How exactly do you build a bookfort?” Cadance asked. “I don’t see enough books for one in here, unless we make it for dolls.”

“We’re going to the library,” Twilight explained while she was digging out a big piece of folded paper from beneath her bed.

“Won’t the librarians be just a little peeved if we mess with their books for a game?”

“No, Raegdan figured something out. We make it official and legal and they don’t mind. Look!” She unfolded the cardboard she was holding. Written on it with big, childish letters was the phrase; “Bookfort under construction. Please don’t interrupt. All complaints should be lodged with the construction superintendent, Raegdan.”

Cadance had a hunch that there were not that many complaints, at least not anymore.

“Ok, let’s go little one.” Raegdan held a sheet like a sack where he had stashed plenty of pillows.

“Carry us there,” Twilight demanded.

Raegdan knelt down immediately. Twilight climbed on his back, hanging with her hooves from one of his shoulders, leaving space for Cadance.

“Are you… ok with us… climbing on you?” Cadance asked first, not wanting to offend him any more.

“The little one wants to show off what her new toy can do to her friend,” he said spot on, making Twilight blush furiously. “Climb up, I’m fine.”

Cadance took her place next to Twilight. Raegdan rose up, sharing his perspective of the castle with them. Cadance silently thanked him for his thoughtfulness as he held the pillow sack behind him, giving them something to support their flanks on rather than just hanging on.

They left Twilight’s room riding on the giant’s back. A pair of guards they passed visibly held their breath and stared down as they passed them. Cadance wondered if Raegdan had realized that Twilight had put the paper crown back on his head.

“We march to adventure!” the little filly yelled.

“No, you ride my back to the library,” Raegdan said. “You are going to grow up to be the laziest mare ever,” he warned.

Twilight rapped him gently on the head with her hoof. “No, I’m not. I’m very hard working, Princess Celestia says so.”

“You are working someone hard alright,” he said, winking at Cadance.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he said instantly. “I said, bookfort building is very hard work. What do you say we go to kitchens first and get snacks?”

“Yay!”

Cadance leaned towards his ear to whisper. “If she eats something now she will barely be able to keep her eyes open after a while.”

“Really?” Raegdan whispered back. “What a shame. And here I was, willing to allow her to stay up after her bedtime.”

Cadance made a mental note to tell her aunt that she approved of him likewise. A stallion who knows how to put a filly to bed with minimal fuss passes instantly.

A human virtue: Persistence

“Here, hold this.”

“A pillow? What am I supposed to do with a pillouuugh!”

The golden double doors opened with a violent slam as the airborne, biped figure forced them open on his route to crashing on the marbled floor outside. Raegdan skidded on the ground for a few meters until he was stopped by a wall with enough strength to make him empty his lungs painfully.

He was still holding on the pillow that was now sporting the fading imprint of a large pair of Alicorn shoes.

Twilight, Spike, and Cadance gathered around his fallen form, disappointed frowns adorning their faces. Next to the doors the two Solar guards were fighting to keep their detachment intact.

“We are not going dad, are we?” Spike said, crestfallen.

“I didn’t-” Raegdan inhaled sharply. “Heavens, she kicks like a… like an Alicorn I guess. I didn’t say that little flame. I’m not done yet.”

“If she has resorted to kicking you it might be wiser to drop it,” Cadance suggested.

“Nonsense. I am not letting her win, not now. I can withstand more pain than she is willing to dish out. I got this.”

Twilight tried to add her own two bits. “Dad, Cadance is right, we can do this some other day. If she is too busy-”

“Round four Celestia! Ready or not, here I come!” Raegdan cried out and ran back inside Celestia’s room.

The three youngsters sat down, waiting. This would probably end similarly to the last three times. Celestia had lost enough of her patience that they could hear her even from here.

“I have no time for this Raegdan. I have an important delegation coming tomorrow and- put those papers down!”

“Aw, is the little princess so protective of her… Cheese export reports? You are blowing us off for cheese reports?”

“It’s an important part of Equestrian economy. Put them down.”

“It’s cheese!”

“It’s important!”

“Well, now it’s on fire.”

“Raegdan, no! Fine, that’s how you wanna play? Now you are on fire too.”

“What’s that supposed to mean you big- Sweet heavens! Twilight! Cadance! Water spells, now!”

Raegdan furiously danced his way out with the legs of his pants burning. Twilight tried to cast a wind spell since water spells were still out of her league. It only served in fanning the flames even more to Raegdan’s detriment and Twilight’s horror.

“Stop helping little one, stop helping! Cadance, do something!” Raegdan was trying to beat down the flames with his hands. Spike was helping him, his scales easily enduring the fire.

Cadance had needed a little time to properly focus but finally a small spray of water hosed down the fire on Raegdan. His trousers had burned almost entirely, his skin was reddened and what little hair he had on his legs had been entirely burned off.

The smell outside Celestia’s chamber was not that great at the moment.

Raegdan gave a dirty look to the two Solar guards that were kneeling on the floor, stifling their giggles so that Celestia couldn’t hear them.

“Maybe now we call it off?” Cadance asked.

Raegdan’s face was set with determination. “No. Way. Ok, little flame, go to my room and grab another pair of trousers for me. I’m going back in for another attempt in the meantime.”

“Raegdan, you don’t have to-” Twilight tried in vain.

Raegdan was already making his way in. The doors closed behind him once more. “Alright Celestia. Round fi- ah hell-”

Two seconds later he was launched back outside holding another pillow.

Celestia’s voice rang out as soon as he landed. “Raegdan? Are you alright?”

Raegdan crawled his way on all fours. “Yeah. In general terms. Pretty much,” he yelled back.

“Did you get any burns?”

“Nothing serious.”

“Good. Now stop interrupting me. I’m trying to work!”

“I swear, she is enjoying this…” Raegdan grumbled. “Round- Round six you cheesemonger,” he shouted as he rose up and made his way back to the entrance. “You’d better try harder this time.”

“What do you think auntie is gonna do to him now?” Cadance riddled Twilight.

“I think she will try diplomacy again first.”

“And when it fails?”

Twilight hummed in thought. “I’m not sure. Her options are kind of limited with Raegdan’s immunity. She will try something more harsh but I don’t know what she could-”

“Shush. Listen!” Cadance interrupted her.

“...care about some griffin merchant squabbles. I don’t. Not one bit. You are- Ok, Celestia, get serious. What are you even casting?”

“Teleportation spell with a timer.”

“They don’t work on me. You know that. We’ve tried them.”

“I’m not casting them on you. I’m casting them above you.”

“You are not dropping rocks on me. You are too scared of the potential injury to do something like that. Uh, why use a timer- What the… oh heavens, you dirty, rotten-”

“Comedic timing. I’d run if I were you.”

The guards, as per usual, didn’t bother opening the doors for Raegdan, forcing him to bodyslam them open on his haste to get out. “Twilight, Cadance, fire spells, now!”

Raegdan was covered in pieces of beeswax, honey, and a cloud of bees. Cadance could scarcely believe her eyes. Twilight ran away screaming as soon as she heard the buzzing, too afraid of being stung.

“Raegdan, I don’t know any fire spells!” Cadance cried out.

“Why did I sent Spike away?” Raegdan lamented while his arms tried to keep the veritable army away from him. Cadance was certain that he truly regretted the loss of his clothes right now. It made more bare flesh available to the bees’ stingers. “Cast something, anything!”

“You are too close- wait, I got it!” Cadance concentrated hard. Soon enough the bees calmed down and buzzing slightly they landed on Raegdan without stinging him.

“What did you do?”

“I, uh, may have made them… fall in love with you…” Cadance confessed.

“Fall in love with me.”

“Yes.”

“As in they love me.”

“Yes…”

Raegdan raised one bee at the edge of his fingers to his eye level. He narrowed his eyes as he examined it carefully.

“Uh, is everything alright?” Cadance asked. “It was the only thing I could think of at the time.”

“Yeah, just… just making sure they are not… you know… humpi- shut up!” he roared at the guards that finally lost their ability to control themselves.

“Is everything ok?” Twilight’s head popped out from a corner. “Are the bees gone?”

“No, they are still here little one. It’s ok though. Thanks to Cadance here I have a new weapon.”

“What are you intending to do?” Cadance asked.

“Guess. Alright Celestia. Round uh…”

“Seven.” Twilight helped.

“Seven. Prepare yourself.” Raegdan marched into his losing war once more.

Cadance and Twilight waited for the inevitable outcome.

“Raegdan? I told you to… how did you manage this?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Now, are you giving up or not?”

“This is not a game! I have important work to do and you’re-”

“Fly my pretties. Let your stingers blot out the sun on her fat flank!”

“Raegdan don’t you dare!”

“I dare! You should have said- Sweet heavens, not again!”

Raegdan crashed out of Celestia’s room with his torso on fire and burning bees falling from him. “Cadance, water spell, now!”

Spike arrived back just in time to see Raegdan, soggy and red like a lobster, tear the remains of his clothes off him. “Hey dad. I picked up a new shirt for you too. I thought something like that might happen.”

“Thank you little flame.”

“Any luck?”

Cadance chimed in. “No, and he should stop trying. He is going to get himself really hurt if he keeps like that. Aunt Celestia will never forgive herself if she hurts him. This is stupid. We are leaving now before-”

“Cadance,” Twilight and Spike interrupted her.

“What?”

“He went in already.”

“Oh, for-” Cadance turned back just in time to watch Raegdan sail through the air once more. He was holding a pillow.

Spike rushed at his father’s side. “How do you keep falling for that?”

“Look, she doesn’t give me much choice. She starts kicking immediately. Either I hold the pillow in place or I get something broken.”

“So…”

“Round nine. I’m going back in.”

Two young ponies and a baby dragon sighed in resignation. Raegdan paused in order to take a deep breath before braving the Alicorn Princess once more.

“Are you serious Raegdan? How many times are we going to do this?”

“Just until you give up.”

“You like being set on fire don’t- get away from there!”

“Let’s see you do your little fire spells when I hold all of your precious, flammable papers.”

“Raegdan. I am the Princess of Equestria. I have duties. You will not get in the way of them.”

“You have other duties too. Just because there are less of us doesn’t make us less important.”

“Raegdan, I don’t have the time.”

“You are the freaking princess. Why do you need to read reports on freaking cheese?”

“Will you drop the cheese thing? It’s my job. Somepony needs to do this.”

“...Alright. I agree. If you have to do something, you have to do it.”

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you Celestia. Thank you for being so kind as to let me approach the open window!”

“Raegdan, no!”

“Look at them fly- Celestia, don’t push- whoah!”

“My papers! My work!”

“Screw your papers, help me up! I’m barely holding on!”

“I should let you fall!”

“Huff… You can always push me off anytime you want.. Look, now that these are gone what do you say you send your guards to gather them up and in the meantime we can- sweet heavens, are you serious, you madmare?”

The double doors crashed open once more this day. A figure of fire came rushing out, falling down and rolling on the floor, trying to smother the flames. A panicked cry came out of it. “Cadance, water spell, now!”

Luckily for Raegdan, Cadance was ready to cast ever since he walked inside.

“Round… round twenty four…”

Cadance, Twilight, and Spike were sitting on the exhausted alien, stopping him from getting back into his own deathtrap.

“Dad, I think that’s enough,” said Spike.

“It’s obvious we are not going,” Twilight added.

“Aunt Celestia has promised the griffins to settle this trade dispute, Raegdan. She is not going to back out of her duties as Princess of Equestria, not even for this.”

Raegdan stayed silent. They could all tell he was doing more than regaining his strength. He was plotting.

“Alright. I have one last attempt. Let me up.”

“No,” Twilight said frowning. “You are not going back in there.”

“I’m not going to bother Celestia, little one. Get off now.”

The three children climbed off Raegdan’s chest. He rose up on his long legs and carefully dusted himself, completely failing to make himself any more presentable in his current status. His clothes were horribly burnt, he was covered in light bruises, and various liquids, with beehoney being the least offensive, had covered him at some point. The impromptu baths had barely helped.

“Stay here,” he instructed them. Then he turned around and headed away from Celestia’s chambers.

The doors creaked open slowly. “Has he given up?” Celestia asked, looking hopeful.

“I’m sorry auntie. He said he wanted to try one more time.”

Celestia’s eyebrows rose in puzzlement. Her head swiveled around, checking every corner. “Where is he then?”

Spike raised his arm, shyly. “Uh… am I the only one who thinks that if dad can’t… convince mom he might try something else?”

“Like wh-” Celestia’s eyes shot wide open at the dreadful realization. “The griffins!” She fled towards the direction Raegdan took. “Raegdan wait! Fine, you win!”

“Was this really worth it?” Celestia asked.

Raegdan pointed towards the beautiful scene unfolding in front of them at some distance. Cadance and Shining Armor were using their superior magic to bounce a ball around, keeping it always an inch away from the grasp of Twilight and Spike. Their loud laughs reached them easily.

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

“You were going to cause a diplomatic incident for the sake of a picnic. I can’t believe you sometimes.”

“It’s always something. If it’s not some delegation, it’s an emergency, or a meeting, or a decree that must be debated. You need to be more firm with your days off.”

“It was for a good reason.”

“So is this. You need to rest a bit every now and then. There’s only one of you Celestia.” Raegdan rummaged in the still full basket. “There’s plenty of cake left. Do you want another slice?”

Celestia sighed, content. “No, thank you. I think I’d like to nap for a bit.”

“I expected you would. I’ve brought plenty of pillows and extra blankets along.”

“Of course you did. Can you keep an eye on them on your own? I know Whitetail Woods is safe and we have guards around but-”

“It’s what you pay me all these piles of bits for.”

“I don’t pay you at all,” Celestia chuckled.

“Hint, hint.”

Celestia laughed, feeling impossibly relaxed. Raegdan had the right idea after all. She glanced at the children playing once more. She could hardly believe she almost missed this. She let her head sink into the soft pillows. Raegdan covered her with a thin blanket and sat by her side, eyes locked at his charges.

“I’ll wake you up when it’s time to head for the lake.”

“Raegdan?”

“Hmm?”

“What were you going to do to the griffin delegation?”

“To be honest I don’t even know where they are. I was bluffing.”

Celestia laughed again. “Thank you for being so stubborn.”

He coughed, embarrassed. “Yeah. Well… thanks for the tan.”

Far reaching punishment

“Is it always so cold down here Twily?”

“Pretty much so, Shiny. The guards don’t use this level a lot.”

Shining Armor let his gaze take in his surroundings. There was not much he could see. It was so dark. There were no lights and even the few torches on the wall were unlit. He could spot shining web strands reflecting the guard’s spell of pale light. Even the cell doors added to the heavy atmosphere of the lower dungeons. Made of iron, with traces of rust, thick and heavy, they looked as if they were forged to hold armies, not prisoners.

He addressed the stoic Royal guard that accompanied him, Twilight, and Spike. “How come you don’t use this place?”

“There is no need. The upper level has enough security due to the magic wards. This place is reserved for non-magical or too dangerous creatures at which point we do add wards as needed.”

“Ah. Ok.” Shining Armor shivered. This place was depressing in its silence. And the smell! Something really stunk in here. “What’s that dreadful smell?”

“Oh, Raegdan uses one of the cells to prepare his… ah, more special meals. That’s, uh, I think it’s the blood you smell. There’s a lot of it, he usually gets it out in buckets...” his little sister informed him.

Shining Armor felt bile rising up at his throat. That was disgusting. Ok, he ate meat, he knew that. That didn’t mean he wanted to be anywhere near where he was doing the… preparation.

“He’s in his usual cell. You have fifteen minutes as always.” The guard pointed towards one of the furthest doors, the only one that was closed.

Spike moved with haste and started banging the iron surface with his tiny fists. “Dad? Dad, it’s us! Are you awake? It’s visiting time.”

A tired voice that soon filled with enthusiasm answered back. “”Little flame? It’s you? How long has it been?”

“Three days Raegdan,” Twilight answered while Spike was getting on all fours, trying to catch a glimpse of his adopted father through the tray slot. “Did you lose track?”

“It’s kind of hard to tell the time in here. Heavens, it feels so good to hear your voices. Are you both ok little one?” Raegdan’s fingers crawled through the thin slot. Spike latched on to them, holding onto what little contact he could. Shining Armor felt sorry for the little guy. Raegdan’s punishments were always hitting him the hardest.

“We’re fine. Plum Seat is out of danger now but he will be in the hospital for a long time.”

There was a beat of silence from the other side of the door. “Who?”

Shining Armor made his presence known. “Plum Seat. The guy you smashed on the wall? Does this ring any bells?”

“Hey, Shining!” Raegdan’s voice was excited. “Thanks for escorting them. How are your parents?”

“Raegdan!” The young filly scolded the much older individual that currently lay imprisoned.

“What?”

“Don’t you care? About Plum Seat?”

“He isn’t dead, right? That means Celestia will let me out sooner or later. Did she happen to mention…”

“Six months in isolation,” Spike answered, sadly.

“Oh. I’m sorry little flame. At least you can still visit, right?”

“Only once every two weeks for fifteen minutes,” Shining Armor provided the details of his punishment. “Apart from that, no contact with anyone, not even the guards. One meal every day. Your water will be replenished daily. No lights. There will be silence spells around your cell to stop sounds from reaching you. Princess Celestia will be coming over once every two weeks too.”

“I’ll look like death when I come out… Shining, remember, give me a week or two to heal after I come out before you let them see me. So, two visits every two weeks? I don’t know if I can afford all this social activity. What if I run out of topics for conversation?”

“Dad!” Spike yelled.

“What?”

“Are you…” Spike sniffed, “are you gonna be ok?”

“Relax little flame, I’m gonna be fine. I’ll be out before you know it. Six months sounds long but Celestia will find ways to occupy your time,” Raegdan tried to settle the baby dragon’s fears.

“But… what are you going to do while you are in there? You’ll be all alone.”

“I’ll pass the time somehow. I’ll count the cracks in the stones, make some cracks of my own. I’ve got enough room to lie down so I can do some exercise while I still have the stamina. I’ll come up with a dirty song for Celestia to sing in front of the Solars… I’ll be fine, really.”

Shining Armor saw his sister biting on her lower lip anxiously. “This might not be enough. Isolation is hard according to my books. Without proper stimulation…”

“I can’t exactly play frisbee while I’m locked up little one. Look, I’m staying here until Celestia comes and lets me out. That’s it. We don’t have a lot of time. Let’s go over the important stuff. What about you two? Are you both doing your homework?”

“...Yeah. We are doing fine,” Spike answered reluctantly.

“Spike…” Raegdan warned.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t been able to pay attention.”

Raegdan’s voice was apologetic. “Alright. I take the blame for that. You are both staying at Celestia’s room now, right?”

“They do,” Shining Armor said. “Mom is upset with you.”

“Because I got caught?” Raegdan speculated.

It made Shining Armor nervous that his mother didn’t mind Raegdan’s violent confrontations. On the contrary, she seemed to be praising him for it sometimes. “She said you should have waited and get him later.”

“Right. Cause Velvet would have done so. Tell her she is full of- of herself.”

“She also said that she is in charge of feeding you back to health after you come out.” Shining Armor checked behind him. The guard wasn’t watching. This was the best time to do as his mother ordered him. “She told me to give you this.” He quickly slipped a small bundle through the tray opening.

“What’s this? I can’t see in here.”

Twilight pushed her muzzle almost into the small slit and spoke lowly. “Cookies. Mom came to the castle yesterday and we all made them together in the castle kitchen. Mom, Spike, and I. We, uh, burned most of them. Those three look to be ok though. We made them for you.”

A few seconds passed in silence as the ponies waited outside for the biped inside to answer. “Thank you little one. Thank you little flame. This… this will help. Thank you.”

“Mom says she will try to convince Celestia to let her come along next time,” Shining Armor informed Raegdan.

“Oh no. She wants to yell at me, I just know it.”

“She said she is gonna bring the spoon.”

Shining heard Raegdan knock on the iron door from the other side. “Unless she plans to slide it through the slot and order me to hit myself, I don’t think it will do much good to her.”

“Actually, that’s exactly what she said she would do. Mom says that you’ll either smack yourself to her satisfaction or she will get back to you in her own way,” Twilight told him.

“...crap. ”

“Cadance wanted to come too but-”

“She doesn’t like seeing me locked up, I know. That girl has the weirdest sensitivities I’ve seen. Tell her it’s ok. I understand,”

“Raegdan?”

“Yes little one?”

“...can you stop doing this? Please? We don’t like seeing you locked up either. We miss you.”

Twilight, Spike, and Shining Armor waited in vain for an answer, wasting precious seconds for nothing.

“Raegdan? Please?” Twilight tried again.

“I try little one. I swear, I try. It’s hard. I know you want me to be normal but… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be so. I’m sorry.”

“But why?” Spike was still holding on the hand through the slot as he cried out. “Just stop hurting ponies. Why is that hard?”

“Little flame, it’s not that simple-”

“Yes it is. Just stop. Why don’t you stop?”

“...I can’t. It’s like sneezing. You try to hold it in, and try, and try… and then you just… sneeze.”

The baby dragon sniffed, wiping his eyes.

“Come on kids, we keep talking about me. We only have minutes left, I want to hear about you. Little one? Have you learned anything interesting lately?” Raegdan sounded desperate to move to a less traumatic subject.

“Well… Princess Celestia has started teaching me about teleportation.”

“Teleportation?”

“Yes. It means moving one object or person instantly or near-”

“I know what it means little one. That- that sounds very dangerous. I don’t think you should be messing with that kind of thing.”

“We are only going through the theory. It will be years before I can even attempt these spells.”

Raegdan sounded relieved. “Good. That’s good. I’d like to take a look at that theory myself when I come out. What else?”

“I’m learning division,” Spike said.

“Already? Wow. I never was any good at math. I’m proud of you little flame.”

“It’s not that hard.”

“And that’s why I’m proud of you. I know it’s not, not for you.” Raegdan’s fingers tightened their hold on Spike’s little hand.

“Time’s up,” the guard shouted from the respectable distance he kept.

“Already? I guess you have to go now,” Raegdan said sadly.

“I don’t want to leave yet,” Spike complained.

“We have to Spike. Come on. Goodbye Raegdan. We will be back in two weeks.” Twilight pushed her muzzle against Raegdan’s fingers.

“Goodbye little one. Goodbye little flame.”

“Bye dad.”

“Celestia is going to be over in a while too. Goodbye Raegdan.”

“See you soon, Shining. Look after them, ok?”

Celestia came alone, with no guards escorting her. She didn’t bring a torch or cast a spell to illuminate her surroundings. She simply concentrated her magic on her horn. It was enough to light up the dungeons far better than most unicorns would be able to manage even with spells.

She should have been here days sooner but the fallout of Raegdan’s latest assault required careful handling. Plum Seat had almost died. What’s more, the whole incident took less than two seconds. The sheer realization of how easily and how fast Raegdan could, even unarmed, seriously hurt or even kill anypony he wanted had brought an uproar to her little ponies. The only saving grace in all this was that Raegdan had a reason, as flimsy as it was. A small bruise on two children shouldn’t be punishable by death but Raegdan’s protectiveness over his charges was well known in the castle.

This enabled her to spin the case enough that Raegdan could avoid charges for attempted murder by portraying his actions as those of an overprotective guard and swiftly instituting a harsh punishment against him. There was an outrage over the length of his sentence but it had soon quelled when the details of his imprisonment were revealed.

Maybe she was too harsh. Celestia doubted herself deeply now that she could reconsider his punishment in peace. Six months in complete isolation… He would be denied any semblance of contact with the outside world. He wouldn’t even be able to hear anything while in there. Combined with the near starvation…

Celestia knocked on the cell door, letting the inmate in there know she had arrived. What if this was the last time she talked to him while they were still friends? Were they still friends after what Celestia had sentenced him with? Right now she was his jailor.

“Raegdan? It’s me. I’m here.”

There was some scuffling from inside. “Sorry. Sorry, I fell asleep. I thought you forgot or had something else to do.”

“The children left only twenty minutes ago.” This did not bode well.

“Ah. I guess I’m more tired than I thought then. This little vacation will do me good.”

Stupid, proud, condescending stallion, never, ever admitting when he was getting hurt. He really made her angry sometimes the way he kept his pains hidden from her. This was not how friendship was supposed to work. It was all his stupid belief’s fault that he deserved every little ache and pain that came his way as if that was the only way he could make up for his past actions. “Have they told you about-”

“The terms and conditions? Yeah, I know. I guess that was the best you could manage?”

“I’m sorry Raegdan,” Celestia apologized. “I’m already showing favoritism as it is. It was either a harsh punishment or a lengthy one. You’ve already told me you’d prefer anything, even death, than imprisonment for years or banishment. I’m so sorry but I had to do something to show my ponies that you are not untouchable as they accuse me.”

“Alright. You chose well in that case. Couldn’t you arrange a public whipping or something instead though? Maybe if you gave me, say, fifty lashes or-”

Celestia was horrified. “Raegdan, this kind of torture is... We can’t do that!”

“...you do realize that this is far, far worse, right?”

“I- I know. I’m so sorry. But if we did it your way…”

“My way, what?”

“Twilight and Spike would see that, you know they would. If not them, then Shining Armor and Cadance. I know you don’t want that.”

“Point taken. It's fine. Six months then.” Celestia felt relief wash over her. She was so afraid that he would hate her for this. She took liberties in choosing for him, hoping she chose right. Thank the heavens, she chose right.

Raegdan spoke again. “We have to make a change though,”

“What do you mean?”

“I need you to halt any visits. No one should be coming over to see me except you.”

“What? Raegdan, why would you want that?”

“I’m might go a bit... loopy Celestia. Maybe not at the first month. Or maybe I will. We can’t have the kids see me like this. Think of a reason to stop the visits.”

“Raegdan, if you can’t handle it maybe we should go the safer route. I can push for just a few years and you will be getting daily visits-”

“No, not while Twilight is still in danger. I’ll be fine Celestia. I’ll bounce back. It’s not my first time in the rodeo. Give me some time after I come out and I’ll come to my senses in no time. Just… You might wanna check up on me every now and then. I might need restraints. Ok?”

“...you believe you are going to go insane…” Celestia could hardly believe the words that came out of her own mouth. He was going to risk his mind so he could continue to protect Twilight against a danger only he believed was still out there.

Raegdan’s voice was calm and soothing. That stupid… “Not the first time… Are you ok? You sound off.”

“Raegdan… Are we still friends?” Princess Celestia let her insecurity show. She didn’t need to upkeep a masquerade of constant confidence and certainty in front of him. When it was only them she was just Celestia, his friend. She was allowed faults and doubts.

Laughter, deep and reverberating, filled the dungeon. “Ah, Celestia. That was a good one!”

“I’m serious!”

“So am I! You think I’d be mad for this? What, “friendship over,” because you haven’t done enough already? Celestia, you could have me executed. You could have me tortured. You could keep me in here for life. I’d still be your friend as long as you’d have me.”

Celestia blinked and smiled, a radiant, honest smile. “This means a lot to me Raegdan. Thank you.”

“Hey, anytime. Don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine, I promise. I’m gonna sleep now. See you in two weeks?”

“Yes.” No way. Since he wouldn’t get visits from Twilight and Spike she would have to pick up the slack then. Nopony would hold it against her if she kept the letter of his sentence. She specifically said two visits every two weeks. She’d be back to talk to him in one week, down to the minute. “I’ll… I’ll be back soon. Goodbye Raegdan.”

“Bye Celestia. And don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Keep your mind on the kids. Don’t let Twilight out of your sight.”

Stupid, proud, condescending stallion...

“Please tell me he is better. Please tell me he talks.” Celestia begged the doctor who was in charge of the only friend that treated her as Celestia and not the princess for good news.

Six months of isolation of that magnitude was a mistake. What came out of that cell was not Raegdan but a drooling, emaciated animal. He had wasted away to a parody of himself.

The horrible sight of his sunken skin and vacant stare had brought her on her knees. She was an idiot. A complete and utter idiot. He kept repeating it and repeating it… he was trying to convince himself as much as her. How could she let this slip? How could she allow him to suffer that way after everything?

The doctor smiled widely at her. Celestia dared to allow herself to believe she would hear the words she longed for. “He is actually,” the aged mare told her. Celestia beamed hearing these words.

“Is there a chance I could visit? I haven’t seen him for almost a week.”

“We hoped you would. He has improved so dramatically that we believe seeing you would be beneficial. He has spent the last day looking at the pictures. We thought he had started recognising them a couple of days ago and he hasn’t left them out of his hands since.”

“What about his episodes?” Celestia trembled at the thought of witnessing one of those again. It was horrible just the one time she was present for one. Raegdan was lying on the bed, passive and quiet, when suddenly with no warning at all he would scream. What followed was beyond words. He screamed in a cacophony of mixed languages, he clawed at his head, he tried to reach the door to… to escape or reach something… Celestia was the only one who dared to try and stop him, to hold him still.

He cried. He cried like she had never expected him to. Great sobs that threw him off balance, struggling for breath. Tears and snot running and smearing across his face. Celestia cried herself at the pure desperation and grief. He only stopped when he exhausted himself to sleep in her tight embrace. Her nights these few last weeks were haunted by questions. He had reasons to cry and scream. Which one of them did he see with eyes full of terror? The dead? His family? The little one? The boy? The one who hunted him? The rifts?

...everything?

“None since last time. We truly believe he is mending. As soon as he passed a threshold he started recognizing his environment and getting better at an astounding rate. Princess… he has sent too many ponies our way, I know, but please don’t do this to him again if you can help it. I don’t want to find out if he can repair himself that fast a second time.”

Celestia hoped she could say she would not. It was not up to her but up to Raegdan. She didn’t have a choice. There had to be a punishment for his actions, and if that was the only one he would accept… She was already doing too much for him. She didn’t answer, opening the door to his room and marching stiffly inside instead. It would have been so much easier if he let her make his contributions public. It would give her a single strong advantage towards his case for once.

He was half lying on the bed, legs under the covers. His eyes were black pits, evidence of his sleepless nights. They really needed to figure out something that worked on him but he refused to be a guinea pig to drugs that he had no idea how they would work on him. His skin no longer hung on him. He had started filling out, slowly but steady. His impressive muscle tone had lost much of its size. If- When he was better she was certain he would spend hours regaining what he lost and then some.

Photographs were spread in front of him. Celestia could see herself, Twilight, Spike, Cadance, and Twilight’s family. There were even a couple of photographs of Raegdan with Twilight and her family. Twilight Velvet must have come by despite her warning and left them here. She and her husband were the only ones of Raegdan’s small circle of friends that knew of his current state.

He was looking at her. For the first time since she dragged him out of that dungeon he was actually seeing her. He opened his mouth and spoke, the words coming out trembling and with intense difficulty.

“Ce… Celestia, right? I- I… I remember you… You are… you… are...”

Celestia didn’t know when it happened. One moment she was by the door, the next she was hugging that impossible, unexpected friend. He remembered her! He was back, like he promised. She felt him put his long arms around her and return the hug with much less strength than he usually possessed.

“I’m your friend,” she whispered. “I’m your friend and I’m here. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

“It’s- it’s ok. I… I told you I’d be fine… didn’t I?”

Author's Note

“Short cuts make long delays.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Paging Doctor Love

Shining Armor walked into the castle’s library. His sister was almost certainly in here and where his sister was so was Raegdan. Shining Armor took a deep breath to drown out his anxiety. He felt like he was in shambles. This was a stupid idea that would end in disaster.

It also was the only thing left he could think of. He was at the end of his rope. His courage had failed him and this was the only path left to him.

It didn’t take long to find them. They always used the same spot. Shining Armor stood outside the entrance to the reading room they occupied and carefully leaned in to take a peek.

Twily was entranced in a book while the baby dragon she had hatched with her magic was busy stacking the pile of books next to her in order. Raegdan was seated closer to the door, a book closed around one of his fingers, using it as a bookmark. He was currently looking straight at Shining Armor’s attempt at espionage, a look of wry amusement on his face.

Damned hooves. Damned marble floors. Damned predator species and his unmoving ears. His hearing wasn’t as good as pony hearing could get by turning towards the desired spot but he always had an idea of every single sound around him. It was extremely unfair and tiresome.

He stepped in, grinning in embarassment. Raegdan expected him to head for his sister and went back to his book. After a few seconds he raised his head again to see, to his surprise, Shining Armor standing in front of him.

Raegdan frowned in puzzlement and looked over at Twilight’s direction and back at Shining Armor. “Don’t tell me you are waiting for permission,” he said, questioningly.

“Ah, nope, no, it’s not that,” Shining Armor rushed to say, whispering and urging Raegdan to keep his volume down with a waving of his hoof. He really didn’t want to mix Twily in this. It bad bad enough as it was. “I’m here to talk with you.”

Raegdan’s eyebrows formed an angry v. “Did your parents send you? If this is another of their idiotic attempts to have fun on my expense, well, I’m not falling for that this time. Again.”

“Keep your voice down! No, I’m here on my own. I need your help with something.” Thank goodness, Twilight was deeply immersed in her book and Spike just waved once at Shining Armor before going back to doing whatever kept him busy.

Raegdan returned to his book, only half paying attention to Shining Armor now. “If this is about getting bullied at your Royal Guard training and you want me to break some guy’s legs, I’ll have to say no. Celestia will pound us both deep down to the ground and bury us in that same hole if she finds out. Besides, I think it’s about time you learned how to break legs on your own-”

“I don’t want anypony’s legs broken!” Shining Armor said in shock. “Why would you even think that’s what I wanted?”

Raegdan turned a page on his book. He pointed at Shining Armor, made a crude imitation of a mouth talking with his fingers, and then pointed back at himself with his thumb. All the while he kept reading.

Shining Armor huffed in frustration. “I have a… personal problem. I need some help.”

“I have my hands kind of full at the moment Shining. This book… I swear, I can barely understand most of it. And this is just the basic theory. What is this supposed to mean? “Recreation of a matrix of the designated approach point in a mark two out of five of the available minutia specification range is required before the coalition of the esoteric arcane energy in the individual foci.” I mean… what?”

“What is this about?” Shining Armor asked.

“It’s the theory on teleportation spells. I can’t make heads or tails out of-”

“It means visualize where you want to go, without much detail, before focusing your magic on your horn.”

Raegdan stared at Shining Armor with an expression of pure disbelief. “You lie!” he accused him with sheer vehemence.

“What? No, that’s what it means. Honest!”

He closed the book and opened it again at the first page, frantically searching for something.

“What are you looking for?” Shining Armor asked.

“Two things,” Raegdan answered with a deep growl. “First, if whoever wrote this still lives. Second, where he lives. We are going to find him. Can we find him? Let’s go find him. I’ll show you how to break legs, give you some tips about where to-”

“Raegdan, can you please plot assault and battery after you help me? I really don’t have a lot of time left.”

Raegdan sighed. “I suppose it can’t hurt to hear what it is. Tell me.”

Shining Armor told him. He told him the trouble he faced. He told him what he was trying to do. He told him that Raegdan was the only one that he believed could help him.

That last one was a lie. He believed it would all end in disaster. But… just in case, the one in a millionth chance the crafty biped came up with something…

Raegdan listened or he seemed to. He didn’t lift his eyes off his book or ask any questions. After Shining Armor was done he calmly reached for a bookmark, closed the book, and placed it on the table at his side. He made a weird pyramid shape with his hands under his nose and forcefully puffed air out of his nostrils.

“One day, no matter what it costs me, I’ll figure out why the hell you guys come to me to help with crap like that. Seriously, what goes through your mind to make this seem like a smart idea?”

“A little bit of seriousness, please?” Shining begged.

“Alright, alright, let me think.” Raegdan hummed for a few seconds. “Ok, do you know of any sport stores around?”

“One or two. What’s the plan?”

“Here’s what you will do; You will go inside one and buy two balls. The color is unimportant.” Shining Armor picked a quill and started writing down Raegdan’s instructions. “Find them in the size of about half my fist if you can. Then, use a scarf or something similar to tie them up to your crotch. That way maybe your body will get inspired and you can finally grow a pair of your own -whoah!”

The quill Shining Armor had launched had embedded itself midway in the thick wood of the bookshelf behind Raegdan, missing his face by a mere sliver. “Don’t play with me Raegdan, not with this on the line!”

Raegdan stared at the quill and back at the scowling figure of Shining Armor. His face was a mix of apprehension and approval.

“Give me these and get out of here. I’ll see what I can do.”

Cadance hummed a melody to herself as she made her way around the castle. Everything had been going just… swell lately. Her aunt was helping her make serious headway into figuring out her abilities, she was finally starting to get a proper grasp of her unicorn magic, she had family and friends around her… everything was going great! Every day was a joy!

She turned around a corner and almost ran into Raegdan. She took a step back, giggling. She was in a wonderful mood. “Hello Raegdan,” Cadance greeted. She turned to his side. “Hello Twil- Where is Twilight?”

“She is with her brother.”

“Oh. Shining is here?” she asked, trying to feign only polite interest. She really liked spending time with him but she had been seeing too little of him lately. He always rushed off somewhere after they started talking to each other.

She wondered if she was to blame somehow.

“How come you are wandering around on your own?” she asked, truly curious. “You are not looking to get into trouble again are you?”

Raegdan raised one hand in a placating gesture. “Hey, calm down. No need to go running to Celestia. I was looking for you actually.”

“Oh. Twilight wants to see me? I’ll be glad to spend some time with her. Lead the way!”

“Ah… no. This has nothing to do with Twilight.” Cadance raised one eyebrow in pure puzzlement. “I wanted to talk to you for a personal reason.” Her lifted eyebrow was joined by its fellow.

“Alright. About what?”

“Let’s… go to the gardens, what do you say?” he asked full of hope.

Well… Raegdan rarely asked for favors for himself. At least, he never asked for something from her. Her curiosity was certainly piqued enough. She looked outside the nearest window. There was going to lovely sunset soon. A walk to the gardens would be wonderful right now.

“Sure!”

They had found themselves seated at Cadance’s favorite bench in the entirety of the castle’s beautifully tended gardens. There might have been spots where flowers of more vibrant colors bloomed, places where the birds massed and sang their sweet songs in heavenly chorus, but this one…

She could see the residential area of Canterlot from here. The place where families, normal families, with their ups and downs, their troubles and their hopes, made their lives.

If she looked the right way, the way only Cadance could see, she could watch as a pink colored haze rose and emanated from every house. Pulsing like a great, big heart. It was beautiful, in both sight and meaning. She could never, ever, tire of it. It was grand and mesmerizing.

Her aunt’s setting sun only enhanced the view. Everything was… unbelievingly sweet and romantic.

Which made it all the more creepier the way Raegdan had put his right arm around her shoulders.

“So… what can I help you with exactly?” Cadance asked, feeling extremely self conscious.

Raegdan’s hand pulled her closer to his torso, forcing her to almost lean on his side. She could feel his heart beating even with this slight contact. It was pounding like a drum. “Can’t we have a moment to enjoy the quiet first?” he asked, smiling softly at her.

Uh-oh.

“Of course,” she said. This was Raegdan. There was no way in Tartarus her stupid suspicions were in any reasonable way true. “But it’s so unlike you to seek me out on your own. I would have thought it was something urgent or important. There is nothing wrong with Twilight or Spike, is there?”

“No, no. They are fine. Everything is fine.” His fingers started gently petting her coat.

Cadance did her best to ignore it.

“Have I ever told you…” Raegdan started hesitantly, “about how… ah, relationships work among my kind?”

Please, Cadance pleaded to whoever listened, let this be some kind of lesson or story he wants to tell her. Please, let it be a case of “she is the princess of Love, perhaps she should know this stuff”.

She smiled brightly at him. “No, you haven’t. I bet it’s extremely interesting. Maybe we should get Twilight, she would love to listen to-”

“The males are usually quite… active in their search for a mate. Almost aggressive you could say.” His thumb was doing a repeating circling motion on her coat. “Perhaps the term “territorial” could also apply.”

“Oh?” She couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“It’s kind like… hunting. I think that’s a pretty good parallel.” Did he just scoot closer?

“I don’t know much about hunting to be honest…”

“Well, it’s not that hard. You need to do some tracking first. Scout around. Find your desired prey. Go after it, stalk it, learn its habits. Then, when the time is ripe…”

“I think I’m getting the gist… Is there… is there a point to all this?” Cadance asked.

“Hmm? Oh, yes. I’m getting to that.” She felt the edge of her mane near his fingers being lightly played with. “I mean, if you think of… looking for a mate like hunting then… well, let’s consider my case. Which mares do I know? Who is the potential… prey?” Raegdan asked with a shrug.

“Let’s see…” Cadance’s mind was filling up with apprehension but the horror that lurked in the depths of realization was blocking her ability to think clearly. “There’s Twilight…”

“Who is like a daughter to me.”

“Twilight Velvet…”

“Who is Twilight’s mother and already married.”

“Aunt Celestia…”

“Who is the immortal monarch and would never accept anything like this. She is completely unavailable.”

Cadance blinked. “The only other one I can think of is…” Oh, no. Oh. no! Raegdan was like… like an uncle at this point. A weird one that got into trouble and everyone had to keep an eye on. There was no chance in Tartarus this was happening!

“I understand that you ponies like to do dates first, no matter how much you know each other already.” His thumb was now on her cheek. Cadance could feel her mouth hang open but she couldn’t control her jaw anymore, or her eyes. They followed his left hand as he retrieved two small papers from one of his pockets.

Raegdan showed them to her. “I happen to have come into possession of a couple of tickets for the new show at the Canterlot Hippodrome Theater. It’s for this Friday and-”

“I’m already going there with someone else!” Cadance almost screamed.

Raegdan expression deadened. “Who?”

Oh Celestia, she was going to be the reason for somepony ending in the hospital because she wanted to get out of a date with.... Think Cadance, think! Who could she possibly throw into the grinder or, better yet, escape the repercu-

Of course! Territorial! She could tell him she was already marked by someone he wouldn’t hurt. “Shining Armor,” she said, smiling awkwardly.

Raegdan looked at her frowning. His arm left her shoulder. “Really? He didn’t mention anything. If I knew I wouldn’t have-”

A way out! A way out! “Yes. We have made plans but you know Shining, he is so shy when it comes to talking about this kind of thing. You can ask him if you want!”

Raegdan got up. “I think I might. I’m sorry for wasting your time. I’ll see you around.” He left, looking to be in a hurry.

Cadance waved him off and waited until she was sure he was gone. Then she flew away as fast as she could.

She had to find Shining Armor.

Shining Armor knocked on Twilight’s door. He couldn’t find Raegdan where he usually slept so in all probability he was here with-

The door opened to reveal Raegdan behind it. His scowl became even bigger when he saw Shining Armor. “So?” he asked, almost growling. “Keep your voice down, your sister is still sleeping.”

Shining Armor was certain he could walk on clouds just like a pegasus if he tried it right now. He shared the great news with Raegdan. “I don’t know what you did but Cadance found me last night and told me how she would love to go to the play. I told her I had two tickets and we could go together if she wanted and…”

“And? Spit it out.”

“She hugged me and kissed me!” Shining Armor said with the widest smile of his life. “She said it’s a date! I have a date with Cadance! I had no idea how to ask her but she just came up to me and… and... oh thank you!” He moved forward to hug Raegdan.

Raegdan held him back with one hand. “Alright, fine. I get it. Here are your tickets back.”

“Why does your right hand look like a red prune?”

“I’ve been washing it since last night. Now listen, I don’t care what happens, you are on your own from now on. I am not doing something like this again. Grow a pair and ask her on a second date afterwards or die alone, I don’t care anymore.” Raegdan started closing the door. “Now if you will excuse me, I have to go back to washing myself clean again.”

The hunter

“Throw me! Throw me!” Twilight called out, cheering herself up.

Raegdan’s leg bent at the knee, lowering Twilight close enough to touch his stomach if she reached out with her hoof. She was supported in the air by the sole of his foot on her chest. She giggled as she waited impatiently for her launch.

The leg uncoiled, shooting straight up. It pushed Twilight’s light body up and when the leg reached its limit she continued on her vertical trajectory. For two precious seconds it was like reverse falling, or flight. Then, ending way too soon, a feeling of weightlessness. Afterwards came the freefall.

“Wheeeee!”

Raegdan half rose from his lying position and caught her in his arms.

“Again! Again!” Twilight ordered. Raegdan laughed and threw her up with his strong arms, almost high enough to touch the ceiling this time. She landed once more on a cushion made from his arms and chest.

“Mor-” she didn’t have time to finish the word. She soared in the air again. Raegdan below her rose up from the bed and caught her while standing up.

He grabbed her and quickly switched his grip to below her front legs and threw her up once more, this time managing to make her spin somehow.

“Wheee!” Twilight cried out in greater excitement as she somersaulted. Raegdan bounced her in the air, just like that, three more times.

“Don’t stop!” she complained loudly when he didn’t throw her up again immediately after her latest flight.

“Aren’t you dizzy?” Raegdan asked with concern.

“No.” It took her a second or two to realize that all the room should have stopped spinning when he stopped throwing her up like that. Her stomach tightened up a little, enough to make her uncomfortable.

“Or maybe yes. Put me down please.”

Raegdan did as she asked. She took a step that was meant to take her forward and she ended up going sideways instead. Raegdan quickly stepped over so she ended up being supported by his leg.

“Thanks.”

“Are you ok little one? Are you feeling nauseous? Do you want me to take you to the bathroom?”

“I’m certain she is fine, Raegdan. You might want to skip the spinning throws next time however,” a female voice said from the side.

“Princess Celestia!” The filly tried to make her way to the large white Alicorn. She took one step to the left, three to the right, one backwards, four forwards, and then fell on her face.

“Careful, my student,” Celestia said, scooping her up with her magic and depositing on her bed. “Maybe you should lie down for a little while. I thought you had work to do?”

“Uhm...” Twilight blushed.

Raegdan came to her rescue. “She finished everything you assigned to her and she’s been helping me relearn how to read. We were taking a small break. We’ll get back into it now.”

“Oh, I don’t mind. Twilight spends too much time reading anyway.”

“Is there something we can help you with, Princess?” Twilight asked, eager to please.

“No Twilight. I only came by to give Raegdan a heads up.”

“Uh, about what?”

“Raegdan, I think you should know-”

A voice sounded from the hallways, loud and recognizable. “Where are my little foals?”

“-Twilight Velvet has come by for a visit and is looking for you in particular,” Celestia finished, unruffled.

Raegdan rushed to the door and gingerly opened it enough to peek out.

“There is my little colt!”

He shut the door in a panic. “She knows I’m here!”

“Come on Raegdan, don’t make this harder on yourself,” Celestia said, soothingly. “She only wants to make sure you are-”

She didn’t have time to finish her sentence and Raegdan wasn’t listening to her anyway. He opened up the window and jumped out. Twilight’s room might have been on the first floor but it was still pretty high up.

“-ok.” Celestia sighed. “Twilight, did he break anything?”

Twilight had climbed on a chair to look over the sill. “A few branches of the tree below. I think he’s fine but he’s running with a limp.”

“What did that thing do again?”

“Why is he running?”

“After him!”

“If we catch him I owe him a kick on the head!”

“Also, the guards are after him,” Twilight added.

“Oh dear,” Celestia said, shaking her head. “I’d better go and try to diffuse the situation before they all end in hospital beds.”

The door behind them crashed open. “Where are my little angels?” Twilight Velvet sang as she trotted in.

“I’m sorry Velvet, but it seems your older angel decided to test out his wings,” Celestia said while mother embraced daughter.

“Did he get hurt?” Velvet asked.

“No more than usual,” Twilight answered. “But the guards were running after him.”

“Good,” Velvet said, nodding. “We’re going to need all the help we can get. Let’s go find your brother my angel. We’re going hunting.”

Shining Armor walked the castle hallways, barely glancing left and right. He was never going to find Raegdan, the tall biped always hid too well.

Surprisingly however, his mother was always able to find him.

Maybe it was some kind of instinct. Celestia knew, even Shining Armor never managed to shake off Twilight Velvet when she was after him. Could you delay the inevitable? Sure. Escape it?

Never.

Raegdan was a fool. He was only making things worse for-

Something fell from the ceiling and almost landed on Shining Armor. He didn’t even have time to turn and look before it caught him. He screamed.

“No, you idiot, it’s me, don’t-”

“Don’t worry baby! Momma’s coming!” Twilight Velvet’s voice came from just around the corner behind them.

“You ratted me out you son of a-”

“Raegdan! There you are. Let me have a look at you. You are so thin. We need to fatten you up again,” Twilight Velvet said, trotting merrily towards the two terrified males.

“-delightful mare. I’m out of here!”

“Don’t run honey! You are not well yet. You’ll get tired,” Twilight Velvet shouted in concern as Raegdan ran into another room. She followed behind him and paused at the door’s threshold. She threw an exasperated sigh and turned back.

“Why are you not going after him?” Shining Armor asked.

“He jumped out of the window again.”

“We are on the second floor! It’s a ten meter fall at least.”

“It’s ok. My little colt is smart. He aimed for a pegasus guard that was flying too low. Come along. I bet after this he’s going to be staying mostly to the first floor where can stick the landings without help.”

His mother was crazy. Raegdan was crazy. Shining Armor himself was crazy for going along with everything.

“You do know that he hates what you are doing, right?”

“Oh honey. It wouldn’t be so much fun otherwise.”

Crazy!

He hoped his sister would turn out alright at least.

Cadance felt like she was in a horror story. Everything was dark and she could hear groans somewhere in front of her.

“Hello?” she called out, trembling. “Raegdan, are you there?”

The only answer was a collection of pained moans. She moved forward, carefully. This was stupid. She was in her aunt’s castle, the place was filled with guards, and they were looking for Raegdan, not some kind of slithering monster. There was no need to be afraid.

She stepped on something that groaned. She screamed and threw secrecy away. She lit her horn. She was surrounded by guards sporting impressive lumps on their heads.

“Heavens, what is wrong with you? Are you all trying to make it easier for her to find me?” A voice asked from the shadows.

“Raegdan?” Cadance approached closer and the shadows melted under her spell. Raegdan was sitting in a corner with some bruises of his own.

“Hey Cadance. I don’t suppose Twilight Velvet gave up?”

“No. You know she won’t give up, right? And what did you do to these guards?”

“That makes two of us.” He waved at the fallen around them. “These idiots kept hounding me and calling out my hiding places. Enough is enough at one point. We had a disagreement about whether they should stop or not.”

“Yeah, I heard the yells. Everypony in the castle did. I’d guess.”

Raegdan chuckled while he rubbed his ankle. Cadance noticed he wasn’t wearing his shoes and his feet were covered with scratches. “Worth it,” he said.

“And when I say everypony it is obvious that I include Twilight Velvet,” Cadance added.

“What?”

“Where is my baby? Did those naughty guards hurt him?”

“Crap! Nice talking to you Cadance, gotta run.”

“Raegdan wait, don’t-” she tried to stop him but she was too slow and Raegdan was too scared.

“Gah! Right in the roses!” Raegdan cried out a few seconds after jumping out the window.

“Worth it…” a barely conscious guard croaked out.

“Hello Cadance honey. Did you happen to spot Raegdan?” Twilight Velvet asked, walking inside and accidentally stepping on one or all of the guards.

Cadance lifted a hoof and pointed at the open window. Velvet went over and poked her head out. “Raegdan, whoo hooo! Are you coming up or should I come to you? Oops, there he goes running again.” She pulled herself back in and frowned in disapproval. “That colt. He was in such a hurry to make it out of the thorns he ripped his clothes in shreds.”

Cadance grimaced. “What about his skin?”

“He isn’t red under his clothes, is he? Last time I saw him he was pink as usual.”

“No, he isn’t supposed to be red,” Cadance answered with dread.

“Oh. Yeah, he is probably gonna be in some pain when I disinfect these.”

“Um, Velvet? We don’t have anything that works on him for certain,” Cadance reminded her.

“Of course we do honey. I’ll just douse him with alcohol.”

“Oh my,” Cadance said. She tried to imagine the burn from all those scratches when Velvet would treat Raegdan with her usual style.

“Oh my!”

“Dad!” Spike shouted. “I fell and hurt myself!”

He repeated that line two or three times, loud as his little lungs could, before Raegdan rushed into the room he was in.

“Little flame! Are you ok? What happened?”

“Nothing. Sorry dad,” Spike apologized.

“Sorry? Why did you… Spike, where did you find that gem?” Raegdan asked, suspicious.

“Um, Twilight Velvet gave it to me. Sorry dad, but the sooner you give up the better. You know that, right?”

“You sold me out for a gem?”

The door slammed shut behind them, revealing Twilight Velvet that was hiding behind it. “No he didnt. Spike understands that moms know best and little foals should listen to them- Raegdan, don’t waste your time I- oh my…”

Spike ran to the window, uncaring of the broken glass due to his scales. “I thought you said he wouldn’t try that if you locked the window.”

“Apparently I was wrong. Oh well, he has to be getting tired by now. Did you like your gem sweetie?”

“It was delicious! Thank you.”

“Such a good colt. Please don’t end up like your father and listen to your mom, ok?”

“Ok!”

Celestia sighed as she walked into her room. It was fun while it lasted but this day had to come to an end. Many of her guards had to end their shift early to treat their heads and the castle had gone into disarray. Not to mention that Raegdan had crashed through too many windows of the castle so far, accruing an astounding amount of small, yet entertaining, injuries.

Her favorite was the one where he just ran and jumped out a window without looking. That one, due to a design flaw, was looking directly to a tower wall. She had to get a pegasus to clean the bright red spot where he broke his nose.

He had tried and he had lost. There was only one last place he could be hiding and she was certain she knew where. She went inside her bedroom and kneeled next to her bed.

“Raegdan,” she said, “why don’t you just give up and go to her?”

“I don’t need her to start treating me like a baby. I’m fine,” he answered from beneath her bed.

“Ok, I admit,” Celestia said trying to placate him. “You have healed up nicely after your latest lockup. After running from her all day however you might need a little bed rest and time to heal after all.”

“I’m feeling fine. I want to go for a walk.”

“Raegdan, she was worried about you. All of today? She was making sure you were your usual self, but now she’s afraid she might have taken things too far. Are you going to let her worry and accuse herself of hurting you too much?”

“...Damn it, Celestia…”

“Are you coming out?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He crawled out. He was a mess. He was covered with light bruises, scratches, lines of clotted blood, and there was too little left of his clothes. “Can you help me pop my foot back in place?” he asked. “Just hold there, good, like that, and now push up- aaargh!”

“Are you ok?”

“Great! Fine. You know what, lying on a bed and having Velvet hover over me sounds quite good right now.”

“Good. She is waiting right outside. She knew you were in here.”

“Of course she did,” Raegdan said, exasperated. “I wonder if she can smell me or something. I’ve managed to hide from professional hunters for heaven’s sake, but I can never shake her.”

Raegdan left her room, accepting his fate. Lying down was a good idea. She would have to get up and lower the sun in a while, but some dozing off wouldn’t go amiss.

“Look at all these scratches! You’ve been running around all day like that? We must disinfect them, now!” Velvet’s voice rang out.

“What the hell are you doing you crazy-”

Splash!

“Gaaaargh!”

“Mom! What was in that bucket?” Twilight yelled over the sound of a body hitting the floor.

“Princess Celestia doesn’t drink all that much whiskey, does she? She isn’t going to miss it.”

Celestia swore under her breath. She would have to replenish that soon. Her own private stash was running low.

Secure, Contain, Protect

Celestia’s horn was covered in a soothing golden glow as she activated the familiar spell that allowed her to be heard outside her doors.

“Please, enter.”

A Solar guard reverently walked in Princess Celestia’s personal rooms followed by two Royal guards who carried a metal case. Celestia watched carefully, trying to hide the anticipatory smile that was threatening to replace her normal, serene one.

The Solar guard, normally a perfectly behaved young mare, was walking with a proud and infallible expression. Her Solar guards were always so proud to be allowed to her private space. It made them feel special. As if being in close proximity of where she spent the night snoring made them superior. She had tried various ways to rub them off this kind of behavior with various results, most of them inefficient. Even her best attempts only worked for a few short years before this kind of attitude resurfaced.

Which made it such a pleasure to see how the sight of Raegdan in her parlor, in nothing but shorts and all his scarred glory, erased that miniscule smug curling of lips on that guard’s face. It amazed her how seeing somepony they disliked enjoy the same “privilege” instantly made it less noteworthy. It was all over in a flickering of the Solar guard’s eyes, but Celestia didn’t miss it.

The way Raegdan jovially waved at the guards, with a self-satisfied smile, she guessed that he didn’t either. Twilight and Spike were lying on top of a large pillow each, too immersed in their books to notice.

Celestia pointed towards a low table and ordered the guards to leave their cargo there. “Is this everything?” she asked the Solar guard.

“Yes, your highness.” The mare read from a note. “One wooden figurine of a pony, cursed. Two runic staves, spells contained unknown, presumed cursed. One spellbook, presumed to hold within dark spells-”

“Presumed?” Celestia asked. “Nopony checked it?”

“We did, Your Radiance. A peek at the first page was enough to drive a pony crazy for twelve hours. We believe that-”

“It’s cursed. I see. That fool really enjoyed curses, didn’t he?”

“I was also instructed to inform you that the stallion in question died in the dungeons one hour ago.”

Celestia allowed her full disappointment to flare out of her eyes. “I believe I had made it clear that no harm was to come to him.”

“Yes, Your Highness. However, we believe he had cursed himself too, in case he was ever imprisoned.”

Celestia removed the metal lid and checked the contents without touching them. “Judging by the strength of these enchantments, he may have even done it without meaning to. Spend too much time performing a type of spell, it becomes as instinctive as breathing. Such a waste of talent and potential,” she sighed. “Are all of his victims cured?”

“We cleared the last one this morning, Your Grace.” One of the Royal guards offered her a folder which she gave to Princess Celestia in turn. “The Solar Guard has collected a few proposals of dealing with these artifacts if removing the spells proves inefficient.”

Celestia opened the folder and leafed through it. A few, she says. More dry reading. Yay. Like she didn’t have enough already. Her eyes briefly flicked towards her office door with a little bit of guilt. She hadn’t been in there for two days. Who knows what mountainous piles awaited for her now.

“Thank you. You may return to your posts,” Celestia dismissed her guards. They saluted and left, leaving her to take care of another mess.

She carefully prodded the items in the metal box with her magic. Green sparks flared around them as she touched them, and swiftly withdrew. Nope. Simple dispelling wouldn’t work, and they were protected against destruction.

“Dangerous stuff?” Raegdan asked.

“Quite enough,” Celestia answered. She took the folder and found a comfortable spot to lie on and read.

“So, I guess you’re going to destroy all this?”

“I can’t. The simple act of trying to destroy them would turn all their collected magic against the closest target.” She checked the first proposal. Two pages that basically amounted to burying them. She tried that once. You tend to realize it doesn’t work that well when you live long enough to see somepony happen on it, and then have to go through the harrowing experience all over again.

“What are you going to do then, Princess?” little Twilight asked.

Celestia left the first option fall aside. “Contain them. At least until we find a way to remove the spells.” Second verse, same as the first. Throw them in the sea. How original. Like a message in a bottle. The last thing she wanted was for a little foal to come across a certain pony figurine and think it’s a toy.

Raegdan checked the clock. “Hmm. I’m sure something will turn up. You guys have been at it for too long. Anyone want a snack?”

Twilight and Spike answered as one. “Yes please!”

Raegdan clapped his hands. “Alright. I’m thinking, it’s getting kinda chilly, so how about we light up the fireplace, toast some bread, and empty some of the jars of jam and chocolate that Celestia thinks she’s hidden in here?”

The princess stopped reading the temple proposal. It was basically a plan that would waste millions of bits to put the items in question at the end of a danger course that any pony athletic or magically powerful enough would be able to reach, but damn her if it wasn’t interesting enough to read about. She had a hankering to go through it just so she could try it out herself.

“I… don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Raegdan reached behind the glass cabinet and pulled out a jar of peach jam.

“Oh, alright. Fine. Make some for me too. I need to restock anyway,” she admitted. At least he didn’t know about-

“Would you like something to drink too? You barely got a glassful of brandy left. You might want to finish it off and restock that too.”

Horseapples.

“No, thank you. Just a few slices with jam will be enough. Do you need help with the fireplace?”

“I can light a fire on my own. You just keep reading… whatever you’re reading. Any good ideas there to “contain” this stuff?” Raegdan moved in front of the fireplace while she went back to reading.

“Not really. This one’s suggesting we build a secret room and stash them inside, along with a trap or two in case somepony removes them.”

“Unless you empty the palace and built it yourself, I don’t see how you could keep it secret,” Raegdan said.

Twilight hummed in thought. “The Princess could close off an area for renovations. Nopony would know.”

“The workers would,” Raegdan noted. “Unless you intend to- whoah!”

Celestia turned to see what happened, but the way Raegdan was sitting his scarred back was hiding her view. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, just got burnt a little bit. I’m fine,” he assured her. “Anyway, as I was saying, you either tell the workers what that room is for, or you magic their memories away. Otherwise, there will be rumors and some idiot will try to find out what you hid there. Or they’ll stumble upon it by sheer luck someday, unless you build that room in here.”

“Not necessarily,” Celestia said. “I’ve done the same at my old castle, in the Everfree Forest. Nopony ever found it.”

“Really? What did you hide in there Princess?” Twilight asked.

“A dangerous book,” Celestia answered. “It had the tendency to take over the mind of the caster.”

“Where is that book now?” Spike asked.

“It’s… uh…”

Raegdan laughed. “You left it there, didn’t you?”

Celestia raised her head. “It’s no matter. It’s still well hidden.”

“Yes,” Raegdan agreed, still laughing. “In a secret room, in a ruined ancient castle. Heavens know, no one will ever go there searching for treasure or secrets, right? How certain are you about how well it’s hidden?”

“Not that much now, thanks to you,” she admitted. “I suppose I should head over there sometime soon and remove it.”

She could hear Raegdan snapping wood with his bare hands. “If you need something to start the fire with-”

“I’ve got something here. It’s more than enough. What other options do you have?”

Celestia went back to reading. “Put it on an enchanted platform and let it sail on the sky, hidden and invisible.”

“Either a pegasus finds it or a storm drops it down. What else?”

“Throw them in a volcano.”

“Wouldn’t that count as destroying them?”

“Give them to a dragon.”

“A nice way to get a dragon come after you when they inevitably go boom.”

“Send them to the sun.”

“Can… can you do that?”

“Not without help from certain magical items.”

“Hmm. As far as I know, the sun tends to be hot. Wouldn’t attempting to do that…”

“Yes. Also, if I were to use these magical items it would be easier to just neutralize the curses. Next one. Embed them in another object, something precious enough to refrain anypony from destroying them or looking into them, like an art piece or something similar. Perhaps a statue.”

“That’s… not half bad,” Raegdan said, complimenting the idea in his own way. “If you can find a way to mask their magic that is.”

Celestia nodded along. “I’m keeping this one as the best so far. Ooh, this one is good too. Shrink them, embed them in a boulder, teleport the boulder blindly beneath a mountain.”

“Will the spells to enchant them work if the object are cursed?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah, and don’t objects get destroyed sometimes when you teleport them somewhere blindly?” Spike added.

“Hmm. This could still work with some changes. I like to be able to keep an eye on these kind of things however.”

Twilight rolled over on her back. “Why can’t you just keep them in a personal safe room or something?”

“And… we have a winner. I think, my dear student, that your proposal is the most simple, direct, and efficient one.” Twilight’s face brightened at her mentor’s approval.

A plate of warm slices of toasted bread, topped with various jams appeared before her. Raegdan put two more in front of Twilight and Spike, where he had obviously thickly layered the jam. For himself, as usual, he kept the most burnt pieces and whatever was left. She had given up on fighting him on that.

After a few minutes, when they all finished their snack, Celestia used her magic to bring the metal case to her. She frowned. Something was off…

A look in the empty box revealed what exactly happened.

“Raegdan,” she prompted.

“Yeah?”

“What did you do with what was in here?”

Raegdan stopped sweeping the few breadcrumbs that had fallen down and scratched at his short beard. “I needed some wood and paper to get the fire burning.”

One of these days she would find out if an Alicorn can have an aneurysm. “I did mention how they are cursed and-”

“Magic immunity. They could be destroyed just fine as long as I held them. They threw some sparks on me. That’s all,” he waved her off.

Celestia rubbed her forehead, just below her horn. “What about the spellbook? We weren’t going to destroy this anyway, in case there was something important in it.”

Raegdan put the empty jars in a bag and threw it in the trash bin. “Nah. I checked the table of contents. Just nasty spells. Most of them were about causing pain, like the feeling of nails in your hooves and such. The rest were…” Raegdan’s eyes flicked briefly but revealingly over Twilight and Spike. “The “domination” kind of spells. There was a brief description beneath each.”

“Raegdan,” Celestia said, trying her best to remain calm. “That book was cursed. It was made to drive everypony who read it crazy. Magic might not bodily affect you, but a spell like that…”

Raegdan sat down, looking at her with a sly smile. “Ok, first point. How could you even tell if it drove me crazy?”

“That’s not funny.”

“Second, not a pony. My mind is too different, at least biologically. Come on, I’m fine, you don’t have to worry about this stuff again… relax. It’s all good.”

Spike was rubbing his stomach and looking at it curiously. “Hey dad?”

“Yes little flame?”

“Does that mean we ate evil toast?”

Raegdan eyes widened. Celestia quickly used her magic to put out the fireplace. She quickly realized what Raegdan got instantly worried about and it was absurd, but she decided to roll with it. It might push him into letting her know about trying something similar next time. Twilight scoffed at the idea but didn’t speak up when she noticed Celestia motion for her to stay silent.

“I think we should make a short visit to the hospital wing for a quick check up, what do you think?” she asked, needling Raegdan.

“I- uh. Yeah. Let’s go. Now.”

“I think I feel an evil burp coming on,” Spike let them know.

“Hold it in!” Raegdan cried out. “Or no, wait, let it out. Wait!” He grabbed Spike and took him to the window. “Let it go,” he instructed.

Spike burped out a long lance of fire. A pony yelped out.

“What happened?” Celestia asked.

Raegdan leaned out of the window. “Uh… he got one pegasus guard down and he landed on four other guards below. So… full points for aim, I guess?”

“Now he’s teaching the kids to hurt us too!”

Spike jumped on the ledge. “Sorry! My fault. I had an evil burp!”

“Sweet Celestia, kid! What happens if you get evil gas?”

Repercussions

“Go Shining! Run, run!”

His friends were too far behind him to aid him in any meaningful way, other than desperately urge him to carry on. He held in his magic their last hope. Time was running out, and victory or defeat would be settled in the next few, dwindling seconds. His target was right in front of him.

A beast of a pony stood before him. Shining would scoff if he could spare the breath. Did they honestly believe this was enough to derail him? Let him come. He will climb over his fallen bo-

Two more joined his opponent from the sides. As one they all stood together for a fraction of a second before galloping towards him. Shining Armor was going to meet this trampling wall of muscle any moment now. So yes, that might actually be enough to derail him. All the way to a hospital.

Thankfully, a voice behind him let him know he had an ace up his non existent sleeve. It was large, fast, and crazy enough to tackle three opponents at once. His ally put on a burst of speed, overpassing Shining Armor, and ran towards the obstacle in their path. The large biped charged the pony in the middle with his own body, while his long arms spread to the sides and hooked the other two by the neck in the nook of his elbows. They all collapsed in a mass of choked breathing, bruises, and covert, illegal, blows from both sides.

Shining Armor simply jumped over them. He may have needed to boost himself a bit by stepping on an unfortunate skull, though he had no idea to whom it belonged. The end was in reach. His magic lifted the hoofball and brought it down to the ground in a triumphant arc.

“Goal!”

Shining’s teammates went wild. They had actually won. Trainees against full fledged Royal Guards, and they won! They lifted him on their backs, starting to parade him around the field in victory. As he passed the continuing scuffle he called out to one of the combatants.

“Hey, Raegdan! We won. You can stop now.”

“We did? Nice. I’ll be right with you.”

“Ha!” one of the struggling guards taunted. “Is the little babysitter late for her shift?”

“Match is over, right?” Raegdan asked. “Fouls no longer apply, is that correct?” Shining nodded from his place on high. Raegdan kicked.

Somewhere in Canterlot, a certain guard’s wife looked at her son with deep sadness. For some reason she had a hunch he’d never have siblings, no matter how much her husband and her wanted more foals.

The referee whistled sharply. Shining and his friends, many of whom were now exchanging hoofbumps with Raegdan, stood in front of the referee, grinning like drunken idiots, waiting for him to announce them as the winners before renewing their frantic celebrating.

“The Royal Guards are the winners of the match!”

“Yeeeahh- wait, what?” one of Shining’s teammates shouted in disbelief. The whole team rose up in protest, shouting in uproar and making their displeasure known. “But we won! Check the points.”

“The points don’t matter,” the older pony said. “A team that cheats is instantly disqualified. These are the rules,” he shouted in turn so he could be heard over them.

“We didn’t cheat!”

“Yes you did,” The referee insisted. “You got that on your team.”

Raegdan scratched at his beard, looking nonchalant at the whole unfairness that was taking place. “Let me guess; I’m the cause. How exactly did I cheat this time?”

“It’s obvious isn’t it?” the referee said, not bothering to look at Raegdan himself. “Nopony can throw like he does. It’s completely unfair and you know it.”

Shining Armor couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This guy was trying to snatch victory off for his buddies based on the flimsiest of excuses. His horn lit up with magic, intending to give a practical lesson in why you don’t try to pull this to a bunch of guards in training who really want to try what they recently learned. His friends and fellow rookies took a step along with him in support.

The fact that it was Raegdan that stopped them was bordering on the surreal. His hand extinguished the magic Shining Armor had been gathering as easily as snuffling out a candle.

“Shining, your sister, Celestia, and Cadence are watching,” Raegdan warned him.

Shining backed off, taking a glance towards the stands. Princess Celestia wasn’t really looking at them. She seemed more interested in conversing with Cadence, but Shining wasn’t fooled. Her eyes kept peeking towards the field. His sister wasn’t even bothering with showing any interest at the game. She had laid on the bench with a book held in her magic and read all the while.

Cadence’s eyes were glued on the scene.

Raegdan stood in front, taking the lead. “We can resolve this very easily. You claim nobody can throw like me? I’ll prove you wrong. A couple of minutes and you’ll see how all of the team can throw as well as I can,” he told the referee pony with an evil smirk.

Cadence kept a saccharine smile on her lips as she finished explaining what the two males had plotted and done. She didn’t know how yet, but they were going to pay. They would rue the day.

“...and the moment I bluff and tell him I had already made plans with Shining Armor he backed off. He uttered some line about asking Shining to make sure, and left.”

“But how can you be certain it was a setup?” her aunt asked.

“He showed me the tickets he supposedly had. When we arrived at the theatre with Shining Armor guess which seats we had?” Cadence seethed with the rage she had been too stunned to show that night.

She had tried to explain it away. Faulty memory, or perhaps Raegdan had simply stolen the tickets from Shining Armor. He wasn’t above doing that. Yesterday however she had kissed Shining Armor on the cheek before she left. She turned back to see him before going out of view and she saw Shining Armor smile thankfully at Raegdan, who shook a tight fist near his chest approvingly. She stopped to take a few breaths, in and out, after seeing that instead of going off with her first instinct, and jumping at them to gnaw off their throats.

“I see. You are not happy with the outcome then?”

“Auntie, I don’t mind the outcome. I don’t even mind they tried to… outcupid cupid. What I do mind is how they went about it. Do you have any idea how terrifying it was to have Raegdan brush my cheek and- and-”

“Oh. Oh my,” Celestia said with sudden understanding. “That must have been awkward.”

“These creeps probably thought it was fun!” Cadence didn’t scream. She barely whispered.

Celestia looked down at the unfolding scene, thoughtfully. “Well then. I suppose it is time to even the score then, isn’t it Cadence?”

“You need to make sure one of your grips is at the front and one of them in the back so you can spread the weight as evenly as you can. Now, you have two options; Options one. You can stand up and lift over your head with a cold start, though you need to be careful that you lift with your legs. Never lift with your back or spine. Option two. If you have a good grip you can do sort of a twist around yourself and use the momentum to lift your object over your head easier. If you want, you can use this method further to throw your object straight away, adding your own strength to the momentum of your swing.”

“This is definitely not allowed by the rules!” the terrified referee called out his last card in a vain attempt to avoid his inevitable fate.

“I’m a rebel,” Raegdan said calmly. “I’m gonna aim for that garbage bin. Is it full?”

“Yes!” the hapless referee screamed.

“Good.”

Raegdan fished him out a few seconds later and dragged him back while the poor projectile was busy coughing out rotting garbage. “He’s gonna get ripe before too long so not everyone might be able to get a try. Come on Shining, you are next. Let’s see how you throw.”

“What kind of idiocy has Raegdan gotten them into now?” Celestia asked.

“Throwing ponies from the look of it,” Cadence answered. “It’s probably his idea of a useful lesson. In what kind of world would anypony even need to know how?”

“I have no idea. Look at them,” Celestia said. “They’re actually having fun.”

Cadence scoffed. “Any ideas on how to pay them back auntie?”

“One or two.” Celestia smirked as she came up with a particularly good idea. It was low class, humiliating, and childish. Perfect for their targets.

Cadence saw Raegdan and Shining Armor wave at them. She lifted her own hoof to wave them back. Shining Armor’s smile became dazzlingly bright. Cadence thought her own might resemble more that of a shark.

“How much do you wanna bet they’re being really proud of themselves right now?” Celestia asked Cadence.

“None. They’re stallions. Of course they’re proud for being total idiots.”

“Look at her Shining,” Raegdan said with pride. “You’re her hero.”

“Yeah,” Shining Armor said, still a little drunk on victory. He nailed that pony throw in one go. Apparently he had a knack for it. He conquered his enemies and got the mare. He felt invincible.

“Play your cards right at the picnic later on, and you might end up feeling lips somewhere else than your cheek this time,” Raegdan advised.

Raegdan covered Twilight with a thin blanket. He had gently coaxed a small pillow under her head moments before. He looked at her sleeping for a few seconds before sitting next to Celestia.

“She needs to exercise more,” Celestia observed. “It worries me how little it took to tire her out.”

Raegdan shook his head. “It’s not that. She stayed up half the night reading again.”

“I thought you said you were going to stop her from doing that.”

“I’m trying to, but it’s been kind of hard to stop her ever since you taught her how to turn small objects invisible. She hides them everywhere. I look like a blind guy trying to find his way out of the room when I search for them. I think she’s also sticking them up on the ceiling.”

Celestia laid on her side, catching as much sun as possible. “Do you want me to come over and look myself before her bedtime?”

Raegdan shrugged, and laid down on the grass himself. “Either that or get me a ladder.”

Cadence wiped the edges of her mouth with a napkin, using the movement to nod slyly at her aunt. Operation “Male Humiliation” was go.

“Shining, would you like to take a walk with me? I think I might have overeaten a tad.”

Shining Armor looked at her with surprise and messily packed the half eaten slice of pie back into the basket. “Sur-” He coughed and started again. “Sure. I’m done anyway!”

Raegdan leaned to whisper in Celestia’s ear. “So freaking smooth…” She held back her giggling with some effort. The poor young colt was so completely infatuated it was borderline ridiculous at times. Celestia had to hold herself from laughing out loud. Shining Armor was never going to live down what would happen in a few minutes.

“You might not be wrong however,” Raegdan said.

Celestia took her eyes off the leaving couple. “I’m sorry?”

“Twilight. Maybe she does need some exercise. Maybe we could give her some self-defense lessons?”

“I doubt they will hold her interest. Her magic will be more than enough to protect her in almost every case.”

“Still, it’s never a bad idea to know how to kick somebody in the balls.”

Celestia rolled her eyes at Raegdan’s plain argument. “Won’t she need somepony to practice on?”

“Ah. As for that, I can get-”

“If you plan to have Twilight kick one of my guards’ stallionhood, I will practice the maneuver on you right now.”

“...a doll? Ok, fine,” he said, seeing her unconvinced expression. “Maybe she can do that yoga thing that Cadence won’t shut up abou-” Raegdan stopped talking, and a horrified look haunted his eyes.

“Raegdan? Are you ok?” Celestia asked, feeling concerned. She rose up and waved a hoof in front of his face.

“I think I might have just figured out why the Princess of Love is so interested on being so nimble,” he whispered.

A feminine shriek sounded from the direction the young pair had headed too. Raegdan was instantly on his feet. Celestia followed along, though not as quick. She checked on Twilight to make sure she didn’t wake up. The silence spell was holding just fine.

Shining Armor was running towards them, still shrieking, with Cadence following close behind.

“Shining Armor. Cadence. What happened?” Celestia asked. It took so much out of her not to grin. She did her best to stay in character. This was only the start after all. The best was yet to come.

“Help me, oh help me,” Shining Armor shouted.

“Shining Armor had been bitten by a Rottersnake,” Cadence explained. It was of course a complete fib. She had simply poked Shining Armor with a sharp stick in a very sensitive area. When she told him what had “bitten” him he was too panicked to actually look for the nonexistent serpent.

“What the hell is a Rottersnake?” Raegdan asked.

“Is the name too subtle?” Shining Armor shook Raegdan by his shirt, completely captured in the throes of panic. “It’s a snake and it rots off the part of you that it bit! Oh help me, help me!”

“Is that all? I bet Celestia can-”

“There is no spell cure,” Celestia said. She probably looked pretty grim the way she tightened her lips. If only they knew it was the only way she could stop herself from laughing at the way Shining Armor was jumping around. She made a point of not looking at Cadence. She knew neither of them would be able to control themselves if they made eye contact.

“I’m done for!”

“So what, there’s nothing you can do?” Raegdan asked.

Celestia pretended to think. “Rottersnake venom is magical in nature. Unlike other venoms you can’t suck it off the wound as it would spread to the other pony too. But,” Celestia pointed out, “that’s not a problem for you, is it? You can give him a fighting chance.”

“Ok, that’s settled then. Easy enough. Where did you get bit Shining?”

Shining Armor hesitated. “Ah, uh… at my… backside…”

Raegdan moved beside Shining Armor. “Near your mark? Which side? Left or right?”

“No… under…”

“Your leg? Come on, let’s get this over with.”

“No, it bit me under my… tail.”

Raegdan’s eyes widened. “You mean… on your-”

“No! No, it bit me on the… uh… exit.”

Celestia and Cadence had never seen Raegdan stand so still before. Celestia was tempted to poke him, if only to make sure he hadn’t turned to statue like her old foe Discord had.

“Raegdan? What are we going to do?” Shining Armor asked, desperate.

Raegdan blinked twice fast, and got out of his stupor. “Here’s the plan. You’re going to sit over there quietly while I tell Celestia about a medical operation where they connect the intestine with a special hose and removable bags.”

“Raegdan!” Celestia admonished him. “Shining Armor needs your help.”

“I do!”

“He’s a dead pony-”

“Are you going to tell Twilight Velvet you let her colt suffer?” Celestia asked.

“...fuck my life. Fine. Just- give us some privacy while I suck on his taint, will you?” Raegdan got a good hold of Shining Armor’s mane and pulled him out of view behind a thicket.

As soon as they disappeared Celestia and Cadence bit on one of the remaining blankets, trying to drown out their snickers and wiping their eyes.

“Raegdan, I feel dizzy. I- I think the venom almost got me.”

“Yeah, I feel dizzy too. Heavens, I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“Why are you not doing anything?”

“...I was hoping you’d fall dead if I delayed a bit. No, I’m looking for the bite. I might need to cut your skin a little bit to do this.”

“Is that going to hurt?”

“A cut on your asshole? No, of course not. You will never even feel it. I can’t find it. Where did you get bit exactly?”

“Right there! Can you see better if I bend over like this?”

“Too much. Way too much. I now know more of your personal anatomy that I ever wanted to. Considering I didn’t want to know anything at all I feel exceptionally blessed.”

“Can you see anything?”

“No! I can’t find it.”

“I’m running out of time Raegdan.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but all I see here is a small bruise. Did you crap too hard or something? There’s nothing- hold on.”

“What? What?”

“...It’s a splinter. There’s no bite. You just have a small splinter here. You damned sissy!”

“It can’t be! Cadence said she saw a Rottersnake.”

“...yeah, she did, didn’t she?”

“Oh heavens help me, I think my lungs are going to collapse,” Celestia said. “I can’t wait for them to come out.”

Cadence laid on the ground with her eyes closed, trying to regain control of her normal breathing. “Aren’t they taking too long?”

Celestia bit on her hoof for a moment. “They probably need a few moments to gather their courage.”

They heard the thicket they had made their way in rustle. They quickly adopted serious expressions and waited for their victims to come out.

Only Raegdan did so. His hands and the front of his shirt were covered in blood. Celestia and Cadence gasped as one at the grizzly sight.

“Raegdan,” Celestia said after a moment. “What happened?”

“I- I don’t know. Shining Armor’s skin suddenly swole, his veins got thick, and then they… they just broke. There was too much blood, I tried to stop it, but… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. He was dead in seconds.” Raegdan fell on his knees. “What am I going to tell Twilight?”

Cadence screamed. It was a prank, it was just a silly prank. This wasn’t supposed to happen. “Shining!” She tried to ran for him, to see him, to fix him, but her aunt grabbed her before she could move.

“Don’t, Cadence. Don’t. You shouldn’t see him like this. Raegdan, what exactly happened?” Raegdan didn’t answer Celestia. He kept staring at the ground, and shook his head looking lost.

Cadence started to sob. “Shining! He’s got to be fine aunty, he has to! I love him, he has to be ok, he has to-”

“You do?” Shining Armor asked.

“I do!” Cadence answered. “I love you so- Shining?”

Raegdan rubbed his face angrily, smearing his cheeks with blood. “You were supposed to wait until I gave you the signal you idiot.”

Shining Armor approached Cadence in a trance. “Cadence… did you mean that?”

“Shining…” Cadence whispered.

“Yes?” A hopeful smile appeared on Shining Armor’s lips.

“I’m going to kill you!” Cadence screamed.

“Yikes!” Shining Armor did the only sensible thing. He ran. He ran fast, and he didn’t look back at the vision of horror that was screaming for his blood. He didn’t stop until he made it home to mommy where he was safe.

Raegdan didn’t choose that option. He knew Twilight Velvet would kick them both out for the mares to eat them when she heard what happened.

“Where did all that blood come from?” Celestia asked, furious.

Raegdan showed her his cut palm. “Never try to bullshit a bullshiter,” he said before starting to run at the opposite direction himself, aiming for the safety of the forest.

Celestia spread her wings. Raegdan was a fool if he thought he could outrun her to escape her. She had the perfect way to override his pesky magic immunity too. The forest gave her enough ammunition. Dozens of rocks floated in formation around her as she soared into the sky.

This was going to be one of those days. She made her way around the fleeing Raegdan and aimed for his knees, as well as a spot higher and in between. Time to talk in his language.

Author's Note

I dedicate this chapter to BeardedRedMane for planting the seed of inspiration for this chapter.

Pinch me

Princess Celestia headed for the dining room located near her own personal set of rooms. She walked surrounded by relatively few members of her court -about a dozen- who were still clamoring around her in order to settle some last few details. They were trying to accomplish this by virtue of asking their own questions right after each other and not giving her any time at all to answer a single one.

She periodically nodded or shook her head negatively. She wasn’t really paying attention to what, and during the tornado of questions swirling around her even the most attentive and alert individual would find it impossible to even guess. Not that it mattered. Truth was that her ponies were skilled enough to make their own choices to the small problems that assailed them.

What prevented them from doing their work was a bout of anxiety and lack of self-confidence. Luckily, they had a millennial old Alicorn that could set them on the right path. Of course, one point they often missed was that the millennial old Alicorn delegated these tasks to them exactly because she believed they were better suited to the job.

So Celestia nodded, shook her head, smiled, and frowned at random intervals. Her ponies took the cue that agreed with their own decision as the one directed at them, and slowly the crowd around her was dissolving.

It was a nice trick, but the less ponies around her, the less it worked. She would have to send them off before they realized she had been thinking about dinner and bed, and not the “crises” they were yammering about.

Conveniently enough, circumstances worked to her favor. As Celestia and her unwanted entourage walked down the corridor the door leading to her destination opened and the unique addition to her household stood at the threshold, his impatience for her to walk faster transparent through the furrow of his eyebrows, creating deep angry lines on his forehead.

Half of the ponies following her got plainly rooted to the spot, the other half pleading to be excused and wishing her a good night, leaving only her two Solar guards following behind.

Celestia flashed a smile of gratitude towards Raegdan, regretting it immediately afterwards. She didn’t want him to get the impression that she wanted him to scare her ponies away from her. At least, not without giving him a signal or something at first.

“Good evening Raegdan,” she greeted him, smiling kindly. “I hope you haven’t been waiting long for me.”

The sole individual in the castle that she was able to look at without bending her neck shook his head, not bothering with niceties. He sidestepped so he was out on the corridor too and closed the door.

“Is there a problem?” Celestia asked. Something must have happened either to Twilight or the baby dragon. He seemed incapable to worry about much of anything else so far.

“Little one… strange,” he said, speaking softly. “Want do something, can’t understand most words. Little one talk excited, fast, quick.” His lips curved sideways. “Think she has idea that is bad. Talk to her.”

Celestia understood enough of what he was trying to say. Twilight had an idea, probably inspired by something she read, and started ranting to the closest available listener about it. It was easy enough to make Raegdan worry. He was still struggling with the language, and he often focused on the most worrisome words, separating them from context.

“I’m certain it is nothing to worry about, but I’ll talk to her. She’ll probably give me no other choice, correct?” she joked, hoping to improve his mood. It seemed to work well enough. He did smile momentarily before opening the door for her to go through. He followed behind, while her guards took their positions outside.

She saw what Raegdan worried about, and she needed a few seconds to simply take in the sight.

Her young filly student sat on her usual place with a large, toothy smile directed at her teacher, and a plate that served as the foundation of the leaning tower she had constructed in front of her.

Celestia noticed a small pizza served as the top floor and she wondered where she got that from. She took her own seat, still staring, and comparing the mass of the food and the filly in her mind. The filly lost.

“Twilight,” she managed to say after a pointed look from Raegdan. “You seem to be sporting quite the appetite tonight. Surely, you are not planning to eat all this?”

Twilight’s smile widened and her eyes sparkled, in the way they did when faced with the prospect of learning something. “I’m conducting a practical experiment on the physical body consequences of overconsumption of sustenance before a full slumbering period of eight hours, using myself as the subject.”

Poor Raegdan blinked desperately as he tried, and failed, to follow the verbose explanation.

“You want to see what happens if you eat too much before bed?” Celestia translated for Raegdan’s sake.

Twilight nodded eagerly, showing her a long, rolled up parchment. “I already have a small list of hypotheses. By morning I will have empirical results.” She unrolled the parchment, and Celestia noticed an impressively long list, making her wonder when she found the time to write this small novel.

“Is one of the hypotheses a stomach-ache?” Celestia asked.

Twilight started nibbling slowly at her food as she scanned her list. It seemed she had prepared herself for this. She seemed intent to pace herself and consume as many calories as possible.

“Umm… yes actually.”

“Then, perhaps you should set this little experiment aside?”

“I can’t do that!” the tiny filly cried out scandalized. “I’ve already sacrificed too much in preparation for this experiment. I didn’t have my dessert at lunch so I could be hungry enough tonight.”

“Little one can have mine if want,” Raegdan offered, pushing his small plate of dessert towards Twilight.

Twilight grabbed it before Raegdan could have a chance to change his mind, adding it to her pile. “Thank you! This will really help.”

Celestia decided not to sacrifice her own cake in a lost cause.

“What I am trying to say Twilight is that I really don’t see the point in this.”

“Knowledge is its own reward,” the filly proudly said, trying to start working her way through her dinner by eating the piece of cake she took from Raegdan. A sharp slap on the table by the biped dissuaded her of that idea, and Twilight returned to a green salad.

Celestia doubted she could gently convince Twilight from abandoning her ill-conceived project, and she didn’t want to outright tell her to do so. The filly seemed to idolize her way too much. An order like that from her could stifle her inquisitive nature if she took it to heart.

She waited until Twilight wasn’t looking at her and shrugged at Raegdan. “Make sure you take some soda with you in case she needs it,” she told him.

He nodded, looking greatly relieved that it hadn’t been anything important. Raegdan waited until Celestia started to eat before tucking into his own meal. Celestia used her magic to serve herself some salad, making sure to add an extra helping to Raegdan’s own. He still had trouble with the notion that there was as much food as he wanted to have.

Celestia had tried an experiment herself once. She had more in common with her student than she knew. She put a single slice of bread on his plate for lunch, and nothing else. He sat down, ate it, and got back up again without the slightest sign of complaint. She didn’t try it again. Once was enough.

She watched Twilight go through her plate, getting more full as she swallowed bite after bite. Celestia chuckled inwardly as she saw the young filly stare longingly at the two slices of cake waiting for her, obviously worrying that she might not have enough room for them with everything she had piled on her plate.

The Sun Princess smiled. She liked this. These kind of small problems that involved only them, having their meals together in a personal setting without worrying about boring etiquette. It gave off a sense of family that slowly grew day by day. There was only one pony missing to make this perfect for her.

“How’s Spike by the way? Did you visit him today?” Celestia asked.

“I fed him today with the bottle,” Twilight said, excitedly. “Raegdan said I did a good job.”

“She did. Little flame not cry one,” Raegdan said, nodding.

“It’s once,” Twilight corrected him. “Not cry once.”

It surprised Celestia how even the most mundane things seemed so much more interesting lately.

Something interesting was happening outside Celestia’s door during the middle of the night. She really wished it had chosen somewhere else to happen.

“I’m the one pony who has to literally get up at dawn every single day. If I’m not allowed to sleep in, can’t I at least be allowed some quiet?” she mumbled tiredly to nopony as she got up with her eyes half closed, and threw a robe over her back to protect her from the sudden chill of the room after leaving the warmth of her blankets.

That was her guards groaning out there. She could hear thumps, and she recognized these metal bangs. Boots striking against a metallic surface. Raegdan was out there, kicking either at her door or her guards. Probably the latter. She could hear him trying to speak, his anger and frustration robbing him of any hope of making himself understood. She hurried before somepony got hurt.

She opened the door, speaking before she even got outside. “I’m here Raegdan. What’s wro-”

Raegdan was not alone. He was holding a blanket, and Twilight was wrapped inside the thick fabric, her face turned against Raegdan’s chest and crying. Celestia was instantly wide awake. She took a step closer and stopped again.

There was a wide gash on Raegdan’s left arm, almost at his shoulder. Her eyes quickly jumped to the edges of her guards’ spears spotting the one with the bloody head. She was angry enough that she could swear her eyes turned pure white.

“You attacked him with a spear while he was holding a foal?” Celestia asked her guards. She wasn’t shouting, for Twilight’s sake. Her voice was utterly calm. Calm as death itself.

“We- we’re sorry Princess, but-”

She cut them off. She wasn’t in the mood for any excuses. There was none. “You will go back to your barracks and surrender your arms and armor. You will tell your superior what you did. Then you will tell him that I want you kept in the dungeons until I have time to deal with you personally."

Her guards gulped as one. “Y-yes Princess.”

She didn’t waste any more time with them. She would do so later and they’d regret every second. Right now she had bigger issues to worry about. She spread her doors wide open and motioned for Raegdan to go inside. The tall biped rushed in, slowly rocking the crying filly in his arms.

“What happened?” she asked when they were in the privacy of her rooms.

“Don’t know. Little one screamed. Went in, no pony inside. She cried, not talk. Brought her here. Is she hurt? Did I do something wrong?”

Celestia took Twilight from him with her wings and sat on a couch, cradling the filly to her torso. “Twilight, why are you crying? What happened sweetie?”

Twilight whimpered and weeped. She mumbled something unintelligible between her sobs.

“Can you repeat that please Twilight? It’s ok, you’re with us and you’re safe. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Twilight’s short hooves clamped around Celestia. The princess used her wings to caress the top of the small unicorn’s head, doing her best to settle her. “He- he said he was going to eat me!”

Celestia didn’t mean to. If she had but a moment to think she wouldn’t have done so. It was absurd, and she would never believe that. She didn’t have a moment to think. Her eyes rose to look at Raegdan of their own volition. She didn’t mean anything by that, but the suddenly white faced male was shaking his head as if he was possessed.

“Twilight,” she said soothingly, trying to make sense of what she just heard. “Are you sure you weren’t dreaming?”

Twilight howled in renewed tears as she relived her experience. “It was dark, and- and we were underground, there was meat and blood on its teeth and it was going to eat me!”

The basement. She must have had a nightmare about her foalnapping and…

Oh no.

She only managed to get a glimpse of Raegdan’s face before he turned around and out her doors. Less of a second, but it was enough. He was devastated by what he heard. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen so much pain on a face.

Not really. That was a lie. The last time had been when he was lying on a hospital bed, trying his best to explain his existence through words he only half understood, expressions, and sketches. That, or the last time she stood in front of a mirror while thinking of Luna.

At least she was certain he wouldn’t go far. He’d probably stay out there, silently guarding her doors through the night, cursing himself to Tartarus all the while.

She turned her attention back to Twilight. The filly had to take priority.

“Twilight, you were having a bad dream. He never said anything like that.”

“He did!” Twilight howled. She was crying so hard she had began to hiccup. “He stood over me and kept saying “We Love Adolescent Morsels,” and I was screaming, and he wouldn’t go away-”

“Twilight, this never happened-”

“-and he kept clacking his pincers and said he would pinch me in painful places!”

Pincers?

Oh my goodness.

She put the edge of her wing under Twilight’s chin and gently forced the filly to look into her face. “Twilight, you had a nightmare because you ate too much before bed. That’s all. It was just a nightmare.”

“But- but it seemed so real…” Twilight whispered.

“Dreams are like that sometimes Twilight. But you are here safe and sound, and there are no crab monsters around, are there?” Celestia said softly.

“I- I guess not,” Twilight admitted, wiping her nose against her hoof. Celestia grabbed a handkerchief with her magic and guided Twilight into blowing into it, using a clean one to dry out her tears. “If there was, Raegdan would scare it away, right?”

“That’s right,” Celestia agreed. “Raegdan is scarier than any mean crab monsters and he won’t let them come near you.”

Twilight sniffed. “Is he here?”

“He’s outside, making sure no monsters even think of coming here. Do you think you are ready to go back to your bed now?” Celestia saw Twilight hesitate, and spotted the hopeful look towards her own bedroom. “Or would you rather come sleep with me?”

“May I?” Twilight asked full of hope.

“Of course. Let’s go, shall we? It’s really late and we both need our rest.”

“I’m sorry for keeping you awake…”

“It’s ok Twilight. No harm’s done.”

“Raegdan is outside, right? He won’t let any monsters come through?” Twilight asked, her fears resurging.

“Never. I bet on it,” Celestia assured her student.

Twilight breathed out in relief. “I bet so too. I bet if a crab monster came Raegdan would end up eating it instead.”

“He does like to have meat when it’s available,” Celestia agreed. She tucked Twilight under the blankets at the side of the bed that was still warm. “Give me a minute Twilight and I’ll be right with you.”

Celestia lit her horn enough to see and scribbled a fast note.

Twilight had a dream about a crab monster, not you. She feels safe if you’re there to guard her from monsters. She’ll sleep here tonight.

A quick spell later she had teleported it outside, where hopefully he would see it and read it. She made her way under the covers, and wasn’t surprised when Twilight clamped onto her, so unlike her usual behavior.

Celestia heard her door creak and Raegdan speak in a loud whisper. “Goodnight little one.”

“Goodnight,” Twilight mumbled back, hopefully loud enough to be heard.

Celestia’s door eased closed again.

All this trouble over nothing but a nightmare. Celestia smiled in the darkness. Something so mundane, yet so important at the same time. She really liked how things were shaping up so far. It was far better than anything she could have hoped for. She laid a wing over her young student and drifted off to sleep.

There was only one pony missing to make it perfect.

Proposal

Cadance walked into her aunt’s study, whistling merrily and doing a small jiggle to the tune, her pink tail swiveling left and right, making the guards’ job on her way to Princess Celestia room very, very hard to concentrate on.

“Cadance, you are in a good mood today I see,” Princess Celestia said, smiling at her adopted niece. She was once more at her desk, stamping papers with reckless abandon after a day of court. She liked to pretend the papers were some of the more irksome ponies she had to talk to today.

“I had a wonderful evening last night,” Cadance answered, choosing a pillow to lay on with a dreaming smile.

Princess Celestia hummed and used her magic to take a schedule out of a drawer on her left. “Let’s see… Aha, Shining Armor had a day off yesterday. Could that be why?”

“Mmmaybe,” Cadance answered with a teasing sparkle in her eyes, spoiled by the little giggle she failed to contain.

Princess Celestia leaned sideways and whispered conspiringly. “I don’t suppose you did anything to… keep him from getting a good night’s sleep for his morning shift, did you?”

“Auntie!” Cadance’s normally soft pink coat became apple red. “We are nowhere near that far in our relationship yet.”

Princess Celestia pulled back for a moment before regaining momentum and renewing her attack on Cadance’s sense of embarrassment. “Oh. And how far are you? I believe I heard something about bases being used to measure how far you’ve gone. Which base are you at now? I’ve spotted you two kissing very vigorously so I know you’re on that one at least. How does the back of his throat taste like?”

Cadance took the pillow below her flank and wrapped it around her head instead. “Auntie please! You were peeping on us?”

“I would hardly call it peeping!” Princess Celestia said offended. “Perhaps you should rethink your making out spots instead.” She rubbed her chin in thought. “Which reminds me, if you don’t want to be seen make sure you choose storage rooms without windows. You never know who could be flying outside with a silence spell on them. What if they were peeping on you?”

“You were peeping!” Cadance’s blind hoof pointed accusingly at the wall to the left of Princess Celestia. The princess took hold of her niece’s hoof and pulled it to point at the right place.

“I was only being concerned,” Princess Celestia lied right through her teeth. She lowered the pillow Cadance held around her face so that her niece could see her predatory smile. “I don’t suppose I have to worry you about tasting anything else other than his teeth, do I? Should I assign Raegdan to chaperone the two of you from now on?”

“For all that is sacred, auntie no!” Cadance begged. “Shining Armor already had to endure a talk from him, the last thing I want is for Raegdan to think he needs to get involved.”

Princess Celestia raised an inquiring eyebrow. “Talk? I didn’t hear anything about that.”

“Well, that might be because it… wasn’t really a talk,” Cadance confessed, rubbing her shoulder with her hoof, embarrassed for the sake of her coltfriend.

“What was it then?”

Cadance re-equipped her face with the pillow. “He gave him a notebook detailing protection methods and hygiene care, and a saddlebag full of potions and… stuff. Then he told Shining Armor that if he ever even thought for a second that we were not making use of protection he would take a knife to his… plumbing to make sure.”

“He threatened Shining Armor with castration?” Princess Celestia gapped.

The pillow shook vigorously left and right. “No. He said he would cut a little tube at a particular spot. He even showed him a chart and notes he had taken out of medical books.”

Princess Celestia blinked. She wondered if Raegdan would actually do it. The fact that she couldn’t say no with certainty was worrisome enough. Twilight was going to suffer when she got her muzzle out of books and took notice of the other gender. Though it would probably be the other gender which would suffer most. “How did Shining Armor take it?”

“I think he’s now determined to wait until marriage before we even think of going all the way.”

A pair of royal eyes sparkled with mirth and joy for her adopted niece. “Is there a possibility that there could be a marriage?”

The pillow left Cadance’s face and she held it against her chest, smiling slyly. “Mmmaybe… but not for a long time yet. We both want to focus on what we are doing first. Shining Armor on his training and I on my studies.”

Princess Celestia returned to her work with a pleased expression. “It definitely has all the signs of being serious if you are both putting such thought into it. I would love to share the good news with Twilight Velvet but I think she would overreact and spoil it for you.”

Cadance giggled. She stood there, hugging the pillow and looking at nothing, with a soft smile, humming gently.

Princess Celestia watched her adopted niece, taking pleasure herself at Cadance’s saccharine mood. “Is there anything else I’m supposed to know?”

Cadance gave a small shiver as she rose from her daydreaming. “Oh, sorry auntie. No, that’s not even the reason I came here at the first place.”

“What is it then?”

Cadance inhaled sharply through her teeth as she put her hooves over Princess Celestia’s desk, demanding her attention. “I want to get back at Raegdan.”

Princess Celestia pushed her niece’s hooves off her papers so she could press one last stamp. She closed the inker and stored the stamped in the drawer. Then she addressed Cadance’s request.

“No.”

“Oh come on auntie. You don’t want him to have one over you, do you?”

“He doesn’t,” Princess Celestia said with a smirk. “I’m sitting on a perfect balance so far. It’s you that he’s got beaten by two for one.”

“And you wouldn’t want your Alicorn kin to be beaten by a… hmm…” Cadance sat down to think. “I don’t want to say male because then I would sound sexist, but I don’t know what else to call him. What is his species called?”

“Just call him what I do when he pushes me too much.”

“What’s that?”

“Idiot. Moron works too when I feel particularly vexed.”

“Doesn’t he mind?”

Princess Celestia shook her head. “I’m quite sure he wears it like a badge of honor. He’s an idiot.”

“Will you help me then?” Cadance pleaded, trying to pull her aunt into the eyes of an innocent young mare who desperately needed the help of her wise, beautiful, and amazing aunt, who was so helpful at all times and would never let her niece suffer-

“Ok, fine, fine. I’ll help,” Princess Celestia said, struggling to escape the two voidspheres that were about to gorge themselves on her very soul.

Cadance clapped excitedly. “Great! I have a plan already, and it all depends on you.”

“I will not let you down Cadance,” Princess Celestia promised, getting giddy now that she decided to help and looking forward to a good prank. “What do I need to do?”

“I will need you to seduce Raegdan.”

Princess Celestia’s magic pulled the door open. “Get out.”

“Pretend! Pretend to seduce Raegdan,” Cadance said quickly before she was captured in her aunt’s magic and thrown outside. “We’re simply going to do the same thing he did, with slight changes of course.”

Princess Celestia closed the door. “Exactly how far would I have to go into the whole “seduce” process?”

“Not much. Sit next to him, put one of your wings over him, nuzzle him a little…”

“Hmm…”

“Maybe a kiss or two…”

“Cadance,” Princess Celestia said warningly.

“You know I’ve seen you practically eat his face already, right?”

The Princess of the Sun gasped. “When?”

“Two months ago was the last time.”

“You were spying?”

“I was in the same room! You both got drunk again and forgot I was there. I had to leave because you two were getting quite… chummy.”

“Nothing happened,” Princess Celestia assured Cadance while copying her niece’s coat color.

“Uh huh,” Cadance said, not believing her aunt in the least. “Did you taste anything else apart from his teeth or-”

“Cadance!”

The aforementioned Alicorn smiled mischievously. “So… are you in?”

Princess Celestia sighed. “...Alright. I’m in agreement.”

“Great,” Cadance said, clapping her hooves with finality. “Now, you will have to tell him that-” Cadance reached for Princess Celestia’s ear and whispered into it.

The princess listened to the short phrase with eyes wide as plate. When Cadance was done her jaw was in danger of being dislocated. “What?”

“You’re not going back on your word, are you?”

“But… what if he says yes?”

“Well… You could have chosen worse. I’ve already arranged for Twilight’s parents to come visit tonight so he won’t have a problem leaving Twilight alone. All you have to do is get him into your bedroom and tell your guards to let us pass when we arrive so we can have our laugh when we are outside, listening.”

“Celestia? Are you here?” Raegdan called out, opening the princess’ bedroom door to check.

Celestia’s voice came from the balcony of her bedroom. “I’m out here Raegdan. Come, join me.”

“Twilight and little flame are with Night Light and Twilight Velvet,” he said as he stepped outside, closing the balcony door behind him. “I don’t like leaving them alone however.”

“They’ll be fine,” Celestia assured him, knowing full well they were going to be only a few meters away in a few minutes. They’d leave Twilight and Spike in her personal library while the two parents and Cadance had a good laugh at Raegdan’s expense. She felt a little bit guilty for misleading him like this but she knew full well that he wouldn’t mind the joke in the least. It made him feel like one of them.

They stood together, looking down at Canterlot and beyond. Raegdan was focusing mostly on the sky, gazing at the stars. Celestia followed his lead and, as always, her eyes were drawn to the moon.

Raegdan spotted where she looked right away. “Thinking about your sister again?” he asked softly. He was always kind and gentle when mentioning Luna. Celestia had doubts at the beginning whether she should have told him about Luna, but it turned out to be one of the best decisions she had ever made.

“Just a few more years until she’s back, right?” he asked, looking up at the moon alongside her.

“Yes.”

“Got a plan yet?” he asked.

“I’m considering options,” she said, not admitting to anything.

His hand rested on her back. “You’ll do fine. I’ll be there to help you too. You’re getting her back, it’s only a matter of time.”

Celestia didn’t want to think of Luna now. It would only get her depressed in seconds. Thankfully, she had the perfect distraction right now. A little bit of quick thinking, and she figured out how to spin this talk into her advantage.

“Raegdan, could we go inside please? There’s something I’d like to talk about.”

“Sure.” He took a step back and opened the balcony door for her to go through, proving once again that while he did have manners he simply chose not to apply them most of the time.

Celestia sat on the bed and patted the empty spot by her side. Raegdan had almost reached the door, thinking they would sit in one of the other rooms. Luckily he didn’t open the door, especially since Celestia was quite sure that her guests were already there, waiting to see how the joke would turn out.

“I’ve been thinking,” Celestia started as soon as Raegdan sat, “that when the time comes it might be… you understand what I’m trying to say. Final,” she finished.

Raegdan didn’t try to refute her or speak up any platitudes. He simply nodded, knowing full well that some fights you don’t get out of. He put an arm on her back again in silent support.

Celestia took the chance and spread her wing around his back in turn.

“I have spent centuries making preparations for various eventualities, but the one thing I never thought of was my own personal life. My personal happiness for what time could possibly be left for me.”

“You do understand that all this worry could be for nothing,” Raegdan pointed out.

“I do,” Celestia said. Admittedly, she had never thought before of what she was currently saying. “It has put a few things into perspective however,” Celestia continued, even more surprised than her victim.

“Like?” Raegdan asked.

“Time, the speed it passes us by like a raging river, and the opportunities it ferries to and away from us with each moment.” She made a mental note to remember this line and work it a little afterwards. “Each day that goes by is a day I could have less. Shouldn’t I grasp at my chance when I spot it then?” She tightened her hold on him with her wing, calculatingly enough to point out her message clearly. She took special notice of the tiniest stiffness from his side.

“...Right…” He had gone completely rigid at this point, his stare locked away from her, towards her bedroom door straight ahead of them. Celestia giggled inwards. She was getting to him.

Time for the first heavy blow. The tip of her wing pushed at his cheek until he was looking straight at her. She leaned in close, doing her best to make herself flustered, which considering what she was about to do wasn’t that hard.

“So, when I look at my chance for happiness face to face,” she said, looking straight in his eyes with her best combination of seduction and timidness, “how could I not take-uuumph!”

His lips locked with hers and he was kissing h-

Raegdan was kissing her!

With tongue!

Correction; Raegdan was kissing her with tongue while pressing her down towards the bed! She felt like she was kind of losing control here, just a tad. This was not the way she had imagined it would go!

“Is this what you meant?” he asked from his place on top of her with the wildest smirk she had ever seen from him.

“I- I meant-” Celestia needed to take back control. And a couple of breaths. He almost suffocated her there, though it- ok, no. Control. Push him back. “I meant something more actually.” Celestia decided to go for the final blow, here and now.

She put her hooves around her face, putting her all into smiling happily. “Raegdan… would you marry me?”

He chuckled. “Ah Celestia. Did you ever imagine for a second I would say no?”

Celestia was filled with horror!

Twilight Velvet shook Cadance hard, trying to get a reaction out of her. “Not the way you expected this to go, was it sweetie?” she asked not that kindly, whispering despite knowing full well that Cadance had put a silence spell up over them.

Cadance’s grimace of shock and fear was still stuck there. Velvet shook her once more, getting no response. “Night Light, help me get her to the couch,” she whispered to her husband.

Once they had her lying down, and seeing Cadance still hadn’t gotten over what she heard, Velvet decided to go for more immediate action. She slapped the young princess twice in a row.

It worked. Cadance quickly got up, her brain having reseted once again. “What- what did Raegdan say?”

“Nothing much,” Night Light said. “He simply agreed to the marriage proposal of our monarch.” He got hold of her hoof and shook it. “Great work kid. That’s the Princess of Love for you. You went straight for the top, didn’t you?”

Velvet smiled widely. “Night Light, there’s going to be a wedding! Oh, can you imagine our little Twilight as a flower girl, walking in front of the Princess?”

“I think she might be a little too old for that by now.”

“Congratulations Cadance. Here I was thinking I was just going to have a laugh, and look at us now. We’re overflowing with joy and mirth,” Velvet finished, relentlessly mocking Cadance and her brilliant prank.

Cadance gestured wildly and desperately. “No! There is going to be no wedding. I’m going in there right now, and I’ll make sure Raegdan understand that this was a joke. Then I’ll- What’s that sound?”

Night Light went back to the bedroom door and listened carefully, blushing almost instantly. “It might be a little too late for going in there,” he said, biting his lips.

“It’s not too late!” Cadance cried. “I’m going in there right-” She stopped as soon as she touched the doorknob

She realized what she was hearing.

A bed creaking in a rhythm.

Raegdan breathing heavily.

Her aunt moa-

“One of you, please kill me now,” she begged.

Velvet came closer to hear it clearer for herself. “They’re not really-”

“Oh. Raegdan!” Celestia shouted from inside.

Three faces looked at each in horror before turning to the one that had turned completely red faster than a coal in a fire.

“What did you do?” Velvet hissed.

“It’s the Princess of Equestria!” Night Light almost shouted. “Do you understand the ramifications of what you’ve done?”

“I- it was meant to be a joke!”

“Congratulations,” Velvet said, clapping. “Would you care to explain the punchline to everypony when Raegdan becomes the second most powerful person in Equestria?”

“The nobles are going to go insane,” Night Light kept shouting. “It would be bad enough if it was a non-pony, but nopony has any idea what Raegdan even is! The other cities might even start blaming Princess Celestia’s decision on mind control or- or anything else when they see him. Imagine if they meet him! Princess Celestia married to a complete unknown? They’ll never accept it!”

“But-”

“There could be civil war!” Night Light screamed.

“Over a wedding?” Cadance asked, terrified.

“When it’s the princess that keeps everypony else alive, and she gets married to somepony everypony else will say is a murderous, violent sociopath? Don’t get me wrong, I love Raegdan to pieces, but we will probably get invaded by a couple of nations that will rush in to “save” Princess Celestia.”

“But- but- joke! Prank!”

“And they’re still going at it!” Night Light yelled, pointing a shaking hoof at the bedroom door.

“They’re probably going to keep at it for much longer honey,” Velvet said, scathingly. “They have to celebrate their own way after all. Here, ask the opinion of the Princess of Love if you don’t believe me.”

“I- I just- wanted to get back-” The pair’s attack, coupled with the intense sounds that kept rising in volume from inside the bedroom proved too much for Cadance. She leapt screaming out of the window.

Velvet ran behind her to see if she stuck the landing.

“Is she ok?” Night Light asked.

“I think,” Velvet answered. “She’s flying away screaming. Probably well enough, though everypony will think they got attacked by a banshee tonight. I wonder if she has any idea where she’s going.”

“What do we do now?”

Velvet looked around her, and especially towards the bedroom door. She headed for Celestia’s personal library. “We’re taking Twilight and getting the hay out of here before they come out, find us peeping outside the door, and we get blamed for this. Come on, move your flank, and remember. We know nothing!”

Raegdan waved his arm, motioning for Celestia to stop making moaning sounds. “Ok, they’re gone.” Both he and Celestia finally were able to let loose of the laughter that had been piling on. Keeping themselves on their tasks through it all had been a titanic effort with no equal.

“Oh heavens,” Raegdan said, barely able to say the words. “Did- did you hear Cadance stuttering?”

Celestia had pulled the bed’s sheet and using it as a handkerchief to wipe the tears off her eyes. “That was- that was amazing,” she laughed. “Oh, I can’t wait to see her face when we tell her how the joke turned on her.”

“Why tell her?” Raegdan asked, smirking evilly. “Let’s keep it up for a few days. See what she does.”

Celestia kept laughing. “The poor filly. We’re going to drive her crazy, aren’t we?”

“A little bit, maybe,” Raegdan admitted.

“How did you figure out it was a prank anyway? I know that you couldn’t have spied on us at any point.” Celestia asked, mystified as to how Raegdan was able to see through her trick. When he said yes, he quickly bent down again and whispered instructions into her ear to start making sounds while he started pushing the bed against the wall in a constant, deliberate rhythm.

He told her she was going to start moaning one way or another. Celestia was ninety percent sure he was bluffing, but she decided to go along with it. It was a much better joke than what Cadance had planned anyway. Hers was a little cruel admittedly.

He pointed at the bottom of the door. “I saw their shadows against the light from outside. There’s a reason you spy from the side of the door and not the front.”

“Shoot,” Celestia said, disappointed. “I was doing such a good job too.”

“What was this about anyway?”

“Cadance still holds a grudge.”

“Huh. She’s gonna try again afterwards, won’t she?”

“That is up to her,” Celestia said, shrugging. “She can do so without me if she wants to though.”

“Hmm,” Raegdan hummed, opening the door and making sure they had all left. “We got the rest of the evening free I guess.”

“Ah, yes. They’re taking care of Twilight and Spike tonight.” Celestia walked outside and sat on the couch. “If you hadn’t known it was a prank, what would you have done when I asked you to marry me?”

Raegdan shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“So you might have said yes anyway?” Celestia asked, surprised.

“I really don’t know,” Raegdan said. “Probably not. Night Light had a point.”

“But if I wasn’t the princess, then-”

“Oh, don’t get started on what ifs,” Raegdan said, sitting on the couch next to her. “I hate these games. If you weren’t a princess I’d be dead and you’d be already married, get over it.” He looked around them. “So, we got the rest of the evening to ourselves, huh?”

“It seems so, yes.”

He smiled at her. “Wanna get drunk, make out, and forget everything by morning?”

Celestia pulled her secret stash of alcohol out of its hiding hole with her magic. “I thought you’d never ask!”

Snow

Snow.

There was snow everywhere, covering the castle gardens like a pristine white blanket. It was beautiful. It was serene. Angles had vanished under the gift of winter, replaced by the gentlest of curves. It was a pristine perfection, an unbroken smoothness of softness and comfort.

So naturally, Twilight Sparkle and Spike ran into it, leaving traces on it and throwing it around, making a whole mess and ruining the peaceful landscape like two Ursas on a rampage.

Celestia watched her young student and her dragon ward play in the snow with an excitement and abandon she wished she could emulate. Instead, she simply watched. It was a joy to do so nevertheless. Twilight and Spike looked adorable with their ear muffles, woolen caps, little boots, and colorful jackets.

She looked next to her, where her friend stood, dressed similarly, though with a lot of extras tucked on because his hairless skin offered no protection at all from the cold. Unlike Twilight and Spike, he wasn’t that adorable.

Mostly because of the stream of curses he kept muttering when away enough from the children. Raegdan wasn’t a fan of the snow. Too many bad memories.

Celestia turned her head sideways to hide the small smile that bloomed in her lips. Perhaps it was about time they made some happier ones for him to associate with it. Her eyes were tracking Twilight’s and Spike’s progress through the snow covered gardens, the mind behind them thinking and planning.

When Twilight’s parents arrived along with their colt, and her niece made an appearance too, she had a simple idea formed. One that she would enjoy greatly as well.

“Good morning, princess,” Twilight Velvet greeted her. Her husband, Night Light murmured something to that effect next to her. It was hard to tell what exactly he said. He was bundled up tight enough that Celestia wondered how he was able to bend his legs enough to walk, and his teeth were chattering against each other.

“Raegdan, how are you honey?” Twilight Velvet pleasantly asked.

“Pissed,” Raegdan answered.

Velvet lowered her stare to his crotch area.

“Oh come on! You know what I mean.”

Velvet shrugged. “I had to check. You might have needed a change. I’m sorry, but it’s kind of ingrained after your first child.”

Raegdan frowned and took a step back. Celestia asked herself, and she bet that Raegdan was doing the same, if Velvet would try to change him herself if she was given cause. Probably. The mare wasn’t ignorant to how Raegdan would take such an attempt, she simply found these situations too funny not to initiate them and she didn’t care much about making a spectacle of anypony, including herself.

Celestia always wished Velvet would come by more often.

She coughed gently, attracting everypony’s attention to her. “How would all of you like to play a game?”

“A game?” Cadance asked, intrigued.

“Yes,” Celestia affirmed. “A snowball fight actually. I was thinking that we could play colts against fillies.”

Night Light shivered hard, letting out a painful noise. “I’m- I’m sorry, princess, but I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it. I’d rather go inside where it’s warm, if that is ok with you.” He tried to smile bravely at her. “Of course, if you really want to, I suppose I could stay for-”

“No, no. It’s ok, Night Light,” Celestia assured him, and pushed him back towards the nearest gardens exit. “You go and have something warm to drink, and we will join you later.”

“Thank you, princess,” Night Light said with as much feeling as he could muster under the conditions. He delayed short enough to kiss his wife on the cheek and rushed for the sweet warmth of the castle.

“Wuss,” Raegdan said as Night Light walked by him.

“Suck my-” Night Light answered, the end of his sentence too garbled by distance and his shaking jaw to make out. She could make a reasonable guess though, especially when considering the sheer amusement on Raegdan’s face.

“Raegdan?” Celestia called to him. “We’re uneven. Do you want one of us to join you or do you think colts can handle it?”

“Neither,” he answered turning around. “I’m going to find a place with a good view of our surroundings and do my job.”

“But-”

He waved a hand, not looking at her. “Have fun,” he called out.

Celestia watched him walk away, doing her best not to let the dejection show on her face. She must have done less of a good job that she thought because Cadance put a covered hoof on her leg in a consoling fashion.

“It’s ok, auntie. We can make a snowpony instead. Let’s go!”

Celestia smiled at her niece and went along, followed by Velvet and Shining Armor. They could still have their fun. Maybe she’d be able to pull Raegdan into it later or tomorrow.

Blueblood, known to most ponies as Prince Blueblood, was walking the castle grounds wearing less than he should. The young colt’s white coat was standing on edge as it tried to preserve his body warmth as much as possible. Inside, the castle was warm and toasty enough, but Blueblood would rather stay out. It was a beautiful day despite the cold. There were more reasons than that, but if anypony asked that’s the answer he’d receive as to the reason he stubbornly stayed out and away from the heat.

He walked without really noticing where he was going. He didn’t have a specific destination in mind. Walking helped keep him warm, and that was enough for now.

Until he heard laughter.

Curious, the young colt followed the sound. He peeked around a corner of the castle’s walls, and watched. Princess Celestia herself was out here, building a snowpony along with another mare and a number of younger ponies. He wasn’t sure, but he believed one of them was Princess Celestia’s adopted niece, and a flash of purple let him know that the young filly she had taken in as a trainee, for some reason, was also there.

Blueblood watched them laugh and roll up snow, building the snowpony higher and higher, despite it crumbling down to a snowmound every now and then, taking the futility of their efforts in stride.

He took a shy step forward. Perhaps… perhaps he could join them somehow. If he pretended he was passing by and simply wanted to pay his respects, maybe he could find an opening to include himself in their company. Princess Celestia was safe. He could be around her and know he wasn’t going to be hurt, and, truth be told, joining them in simple fun would be… admissible.

Step by coat-shivering step, he moved towards them. He passed the castle’s corner, and something hit him hard on the sides.

He tumbled and rolled in the snow by the blow. His ribs ached, and he felt even colder now, almost freezing by the sudden dive in the frost. He looked over his side to see what had attacked him and saw what his father called “the little wretch’s guarddog”.

He was intimidating, to say the least. He was as tall as Princess Celestia, which made him a giant when compared to a young colt like Blueblood, and he had heard about things he had done to various ponies. It wasn’t something Blueblood ever wanted to meet, especially on his own. The huge, bipedal figure was obviously what had kicked him. He must have passed by right him without noticing him.

The tall creature bent his legs and crouched near Blueblood. as he still lay on the snow, with a puzzled expression. “Huh, you’re just a kid. Can’t be older than Shining Armor. What the hell are you doing here?”

Blueblood didn’t know the name, but he figured this could be his chance. “I- I wanted to ask if I could join in over there,” he said with a trembling voice, and pointed towards the ponies some distance away that hadn’t noticed them.

“What’s your name?”

“P-Prince Blueblood.”

The creature frowned. “Blueblood? You’re Sanguine’s kid, aren’t you?”

Blueblood nodded. “Yes, sir. He’s my father.”

The creature rose up and turned away. “Then go and find him. This isn’t open to the public. Fucking cold, fucking Sanguine, fucking snow...” he murmured as he left Blueblood behind.

Blueblood sighed, and tried to contain his disappointment. It wasn’t that bad. He could continue with his plan as it was. Keep walking, make sure he wasn’t found. He turned back and only managed a few steps before a stern, hated voice stopped him in his tracks.

He was found too soon.

His father was marching over his way. Any pony seeing him would think he was calm. Blueblood knew better. He could see how rigidly his father kept his neck straight, how stiff his steps were. His father wasn’t calm. He was furious.

“Where have you been, Blueblood?” his father asked. HIs face betrayed nothing, but there was anger in his eyes.

“I was taking a stroll through-”

His father’s gaze locked onto his side where some snow and mud was stuck on his white coat. “What is this?” he asked fiercely, making Blueblood shake. “Mud? You’ve been rolling in the dirt like a commoner?”

The hit was not unexpected. Blueblood knew it would come ever since he heard his father’s voice, and the hoof rose slow slowly and imperiously. He didn’t try to avoid it. It would only make things worse.

He fell on the ground once more. His father was raging over him, in his own, seemingly serene, way. He was naming Blueblood’s failings one after another, hurting him with something other than hooves. Blueblood did his best to ignore it. He had heard it all before. He had. It didn’t hurt. It didn’t hurt one bit.

It didn’t.

He glanced sideways. The creature was there, by the corner, watching. Blueblood felt a flash of rage for him. If he had let him go to Princess Celestia he would have been safe for a little while longer. Now he had to endure his father’s rage, a rage that wouldn’t stop until he dragged Blueblood back to their family manor and showed him his full displeasure.

He was going to completely shatter Blueblood’s spirit first though. He always took the time to do it, mostly the same way. It worked, that’s why. It worked every time, no matter how much Blueblood wanted to deny it.

“Hello, Sanguine.”

Blueblood’s father turned towards the creature that was coming their way. “The guarddog. Do you really need to befoul my air with your presence, you wretched-”

“Oops, I slipped,” Raegdan said, smiling.

Blueblood looked carefully, wondering what the bipedal creature was talking about. He seemed to be standing on his two legs just fine.

His father had been cut off by the non-sequitur too. He waited a moment to see if anything would come to it, and when it didn’t he continued. “You have no resp-”

Raegdan’s foot kicked Blueblood’s father straight up, flattening his face. Sanguine fell back and down to the ground, blood spilling from his broken muzzle.

“Damn snow,” Raegdan said, smiling widely. “I just don’t know where my legs will go. Let me help you up.”

Sanguine lifted his head, a spell forming on his long horn, and spittle was shooting out of his mouth as his facade of calm was ripped off. “You degenerate anima-”

Blueblood watched amazed how his father’s spell was extinguished the moment that the creature called Raegdan wrapped his hand around his father’s horn. A sound slap cut off his rant. Raegdan pulled Sanguine up, closer to his face, half lifting the large pony up.

“Hitting your own kid, Sanguine?” Raegdan growled, his voice low and threatening. “That’s the lowest anyone can go.”

“What I do with my son,” Sanguine spat, “is none of your business!”

Raegdan seemed to think about this for a second. “Yeah, you’re probably right. It isn’t my business.” His smile lit up in a wicked smile that scared Blueblood. “But then, when did I ever let that stop me?”

His knee came up to meet Sanguine’s muzzle. To his credit, his father barely grunted.

Sanguine’s front of calm seemed to restore itself, despite the fountain of blood running down his face. Raegdan let him fall back to the ground. Sanguine got up and cleaned himself, using a handkerchief to stem the blood flow. “You’re nothing but an animal. You’re not to blame for getting out of your leash. I should take this offence with your master, beast, shouldn’t I?”

Raegdan looked back, where the Princess and her entourage still enjoyed themselves, too far and blocked by various snow piles and hedges to notice what was actually happening some distance away.

“You should know better than that, guarddog. You should know there’s a price for touching me.”

The biped turned back to Sanguine, murder in his eyes. Sanguine smirked in return.

“Let us leave this place of stench, Blueblood. Come along.”

“No,” Raegdan said before Blueblood could even think of getting up from the ground. “You can strut the fuck away. Your… son, has been invited to join Princess Celestia.”

Sanguine’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. Raegdan kept talking. “If you hadn’t gone and started beating on him maybe he would have told you that he was heading back to the castle to get something warmer to wear before coming back.”

His father’s eyes stared at Blueblood. Blueblood had no idea what the creature’s game was, but if it meant staying away from his father just a minute longer… he nodded fervently, hoping his father would buy it.

He did. Sanguine harrumphed and turned away, leaving his son behind. Rich and powerful he might be, but he didn’t dare do anything that would displease the Princess, not if she could find out by what his father considered a reliable source. He was probably pleased with the idea that his son would be spending time near her. It fed into his obsession.

His father would nurse his bloodied muzzle, and he would plan. He’d find a way to make the strange creature suffer, somehow. Someday, he would get back at them, no matter how long it took. His father could be deadly patient in these matters. He’d wait.

Raegdan grit his teeth, and turned around to face Blueblood. The young colt was still sprawled on the snow, shivering, a small mark of his father’s hoof on his cheek. Raegdan looked slack jawed at him for a moment, before his eyes widened and ran his hand over his face, looking pained. He bent down to help Blueblood up, helping him clean up.

The biped put its hand on Blueblood’s back and felt him shaking. “You’re freezing.”

“I’m- I’m fine. I’ll go back into the castle and… what are you…?”

Raegdan removed his scarf and wrapped it around the stunned colt’s neck. Before Blueblood could protest he had taken off his heavy looking coat and laid it over the pony’s back. Blueblood could feel much warmer already, but… why?

Raegdan spoke up before Blueblood could do more than stammer in confusion. “Listen, kid. I’m… I’m sorry for hitting you.” The large creature’s gaze was locked to the ground, as if ashamed. “I’m sorry I… I shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have left you in the snow like that, I shouldn’t- I’m sorry I killed you.”

“What?”

The small eyes met Blueblood’s with some confusion. “Nothing. Forget it.” He rose up suddenly, startling Blueblood, and started walking towards the ponies that were playing with the Princess. “Come on,” he ordered.

“I- where are we going?” Blueblood asked, a little afraid by now.

Raegdan stopped. “Could you throw a snowball straight towards Celestia’s face?” he asked.

Blueblood stood slackjaw at the question for a moment. “What? The Princess? No!”

“Huh. Alright. Then aim for Velvet or Cadance. If you’re going to throw one at Twilight make sure you don’t hit her face or you’ll have problems with me.”

“What?”

“Snowball fight. We’re having one.” He bent down and used his hands to form a snowball that fit perfectly in his palm. “No offence by the way, but I think I’ll kill your father one day.”

Blueblood bent his head. “I hope you will,” he whispered.

Raegdan had heard him and looked at him with a pleased smile. “Yeah, I’ll see what I can do. You like sleepovers?”

“Excuse me?”

“Sleepovers,” Raegdan repeated. “I’ll talk with Celestia. I think we could arrange for one. She’ll probably insist for one.”

Blueblood had never felt more confused in his life. What was happening? Why did he kick him one moment and help him the next? Why did-

They had almost reached Princess Celestia and the other ponies. Raegdan yelled out. “Hey! Celestia!”

The Princess turned around. She seemed to radiate a gentle light of her own. She was whiter and purer than the snow surrounding her, beautiful beyond approach. Caring like no other. Powerful. Safe. She smiled, like she always did, and that smile seemed to widen as she spotted them going to her. Her eyes flicked to Blueblood, and to the colt’s amazement, she looked happy to see him. The motherly smile was directed at him for a moment, and he felt a surge of-

A packed ball of snow hit her on the muzzle, knocking her head slightly back.

“First point goes to the colts.”

“They’re going to kick our flanks,” Shining Armor said in a monotone.

“Relax, you little wimp. It’s a snowball fight. We can take them,” Raegdan answered.

Shining Armor lifted his head over the hasty wall they had erected to defend their “base” before the battle started. Blueblood took a look himself, and was vastly dismayed at what he saw. The had managed a pretty tall, but thin, wall of snow made by virtue of packing a lot of it together and not shaking it too much lest it fell upon them.

The fillies team had a wall made of strong looking ice bricks and even had turrets at the side. A small pink flag was placed on one of them as they watched.

“We’re dead.”

“No, we’re not,” Raegdan insisted. “We can win.”

Shining Armor, Spike, and Blueblood simply stared at him. “They’ve got more magic power than we can shake a stick at,” Shining Armor said. “They have two Alicorns on their side, my mom, and the most powerful young unicorn. What do we have?”

“Battles are not won by sheer might,” Raegdan said.

“They’re not?”

“Ok, they are, but not in this case. Look, shields are out, right?”

Shining Armor pouted. “Yeah. How’s that for fair?” he grumbled.

“It’s worse for them. Half of us can’t use shields anyway. Listen, here’s the plan.” The colts and young dragon listened intently to the oldest and more experienced amongst them. “I’ll distract them. They’ll put all their attention on me. While they’re busy with me, you all go go around behind them and take the win. Got it?”

“How are you going to make sure they’re all focused on you?” Blueblood asked.

“I have my ways. Just don’t screw up. Everyone ready?”

They nodded. They weren’t, but more time wouldn’t help at all.

“I’m going,” Raegdan announced and ran sideways, moving the opposite direction the rest of them were supposed to go, trying to make it to another snow mound and yelling towards the snow castle’s defenders.

“Hey, Celestia? You know you all don’t stand a chance right? Fillies vs Colts? We could just call it Losers vs Winners. Guys rock the world, ladies can… well, you can guess the rest!”

Silence answered him for a moment. Not an empty one, but one that was full of something horrible, a dreadful menace. Blueblood shuddered. Something told him he really did manage to gain their attention.

Shining Armor motioned for them to start moving. They stuck as close to the ground as they could. Luckily, they had a small advantage with Shining Armor’s and Blueblood’s coat being white, and Spike was small enough to hide behind them, making them very hard to spot as long they kept their attention on Raegdan.

Something rose up from behind the perfect ice walls.

Hundreds of snowballs were floating up, caught in four different shades of magic. They all seemed to rotate and aim for the unfortunate biped who raised the ire of four very, very powerful mares.

Blueblood, Shining Armor, and Spike had almost made it around the walls.

They snowballs were launched by sheer force of magic, all of them at once. They heard Raegdan’s last words.

“Holy mother of-”

It wasn’t the crash of the huge amount of snow that made Blueblood cringe. It was that small moment when the first snowballs reached Raegdan, and he distinctly heard the splash of snow meeting flesh at impossible speeds. Blueblood felt bad for taking the biped’s thick and warm coat. They had to finish this quick so they could dig their poor comrade out of his frozen grave.

It was a slaughter. The mares had used every little scrap of snow at their disposal against Raegdan. They couldn’t defend themselves.

First round went to the colts.

Second round went to the fillies. Raegdan tried to pull off the same trick, even though he warned his fellow teammates it probably wouldn’t work.

He barely managed to open his mouth before the powerful alicorns and unicorns simply picked up the snow around the colts and threw it upon their heads, covering them all under a huge blanket of snow.

Third round was won by the colts.

Raegdan packed Spike into the center of a huge snowball, after covering him warmly, and pretended he tried to attack the fillies’ fort with it. The heavy snowball landed ineffectively, to the fillies’ amusement, right in front of the wall. The attack was answered with laughter and about six kilograms worth of snow at Raegdan’s face.

Spike crawled out of his hideout and used his fire against the fort’s foundations. A small push by Shining Armor’s and Blueblood’s magic made sure the walls fell inward. In their haste to dodge the falling walls their opponents left themselves wide open and fell before the colt’s onslaught.

On the fourth round the fillies simply tossed the remains of their fallen fort to the colts, walls and all.

“This here’s the tiebreaker round,” Raegdan announced. “We win this one, the game’s over. We can do this.”

“Unless they play to win,” Blueblood responded. “Has anypony else noticed that they’re toying with us?” Shining Armor and Spike nodded in the affirmative.

“Do you prefer to stand still and let them win?”

“It might be less painful,” Shining Armor said, rubbing his flank where a tower landed on him.

“What’s the plan, dad?” Spike asked, without much enthusiasm.

Raegdan pointed with his thumb behind him. “They know they can win, and they know I’m going to try to distract them. So, we’re doing something different now. I’m going to take out Celestia and maybe one more of them if I can. When I do, you guys pop out and take out the rest. Got it?”

“This won’t work,” Shining Armor said.

“We’ll try.” Raegdan peeped over the wall at the mares standing ready with hundreds of snowballs rotating around them. “I wish they stopped at one or even ten. I just know I’m gonna eat every last one of these,” he said, rubbing the reddened skin on his face. The cold and the forceful impacts had taken their toll.

He got up, and Blueblood and the rest watched him walk with a measured pace towards the mares. He kept his hands up, showing off they were empty. Princess Celestia and the rest were watching him approach with suspicious glares.

Raegdan went closer.

The snowballs stopped moving and stood still, their target clear.

He lowered his arms.

The magic around the snowballs got more intense.

A lot of things happened at once. Raegdan started running forward and the snow ammunition launched for him. The rest of the colts jumped out of their hideout to take advantage, doing their best to dodge the few snowballs that were directed at them. Raegdan somehow managed to reach Princess Celestia unscathed. He jumped, hooked his arm around her neck, and his weight dragged her towards a deep snow mound while shouting, “piledriver!”

Princess Celestia managed a weak “gaagh,” unable to utter more since Raegdan’s arm choked her and her tongue almost got left behind as she was forced into the snow.

Unfortunately, that still left two unicorns and an Alicorn against the rest, along with a few dozens snowballs they controlled.

The game was won by the fillies.

Blueblood did his best to gather what remained of his courage. It wasn’t because he was going to address Princess Celestia. It was because he would have to go back afterwards, away from her and back to his own life and father. He couldn’t stand here forever however, no matter how much he wished to.

The Princess was using a towel to dry herself off, unheeding of the scandalized looks her maids were giving her when they saw her usually pristine coat and mane shoot all over the place. Raegdan was talking with her in low tones.

When he saw Blueblood approach, Raegdan nodded at Princess Celestia and left, waving his strange hand at Blueblood as he passed him by. Blueblood couldn’t help but watch him go, picking up the little purple filly and the baby dragon on his shoulders before leaving the room.

A wave of jealousy overtook him for an instant. Must be so nice to have somepony watch over you.

“Blueblood,” the Princess said, quickly regaining his attention. “I’m so glad you joined us today.”

“Th-thank you, Princess. I’m glad I joined too.” He stood silent for a moment, trying to delay the inevitable.

Princess Celestia spoke up before he could. “Did you know I was adopted by one of your distant ancestors?”

Of course he did. His father wouldn’t let him forget even for a second something that grand. The smallest connection with Princess Celestia was something to be treasured and memorized. Blueblood was pretty certain that his father kept a log of every single word the Princess had ever directed at him.

“Yes, Princess. My father has told me of this.”

“Technically,” the Princess said with an air of thoughtfulness, “that makes me your aunt.” Blueblood’s eyes widened at the title, but the Princess seemed to roll the word in her mouth, enjoying it. “Yes, I think I like this. How about you call me Aunt Celestia from now instead? I already hear my title way too much.”

“I… If that’s what you wish, Prin- Aunt Celestia.”

“I do,” she said, smiling sweetly at him. She lowered herself by sitting on the floor. “And since you’re my nephew, I think you are in need of special education.”

“Excuse me?”

The Princess -his Aunt- used her magic to wear her symbols of office while she talked. “Some extra lessons from me. Of course, my timetable is so crowded I’m not able to make a proper schedule. So, I was thinking, that you could stay here so we can use every scrap of time I might have available.”

Blueblood couldn’t believe his ears. “Stay… stay here? I won’t go home?”

“Not unless you wish to or Prince Sanguine complains about it to me.” The smile on her face faded for a moment, before returning even brighter. “Think of it as… a long sleepover. What do you say?”

Blueblood hugged his aunt.

Confession

“You’re going to rip out my mane!” Twilight cried out in distress.

Raegdan was unaffected by her cries of distress and whimpers of pain. He kept at his task, ravaging the young mare’s scalp with no sign of mercy. No answer came out of his lips other than grunts as he brought waves of pain upon his young charge.

“I’m fourteen!” Twilight said, searching for a way, any way, to stop him from torturing her. She opened her mouth to speak again, and water rushed in her mouth, almost reaching her lungs. She surfaced with a gasp, and screamed out. “I can bathe myself!”

The deadly comb stopped its savage pulling for a moment. “If we don’t take out this gunk you magicked on yourself we’ll have to cut your mane,” Raegdan warned. He looked critically at the rest of her, submerged under the tub’s waters. “Then we have to deal with your coat too. You don’t want me to shave it, do you?”

“Eeek!” Twilight yelled, mortified at the prospect of being so- so naked. Raegdan started pulling at her mane again, and she started screaming for her previous reasons once more.

“You’re going to pull it all out! Be more gentle,” she demanded.

“Then stop pulling away from me- damn it, this thing is worse than gum.” He turned back to the other person who was with them in the bathroom, and motioned them closer. “Little flame, stop sniggering and come help me. Here, take this disgusting clamp and… try to claw through it. I’ll try to clean her coat.”

“Ok, dad,” Spike said, and dutifully started using his little, yet so sharp, claws, removing a tiny portion of the green sludge each time, each twang of a hair breaking making Twilight’s eyes go a little wider.

Raegdan got hold of a loofah, threw it away after a weak shake, and got hold of a rough brush, with menacingly raised bristles, that looked more suitable for carpet cleaning.

“Ow! Ooow! Aaaaaoooww!”

“Calm down. It’s not that bad,” Raegdan said in an amazing display of true parenthood.

“It feels like you’re trying to skin me alive,” Twilight howled.

Raegdan shook the brush in front of her muzzle. “It’s not getting off otherwise, little one. You’ll have to endure.” His hands sank back into the water, rubbing vigorously.

“At least stop groping me like that!”

There was a small, but strong, upwards eruption and Raegdan’s hands were out of the water in an instant, while Spike laughed.

“I’m not doing anything of the like!” Raegdan shouted.

“Yes, you are,” Twilight said, preferring to keep the accusation going rather than letting that horrible brush near her. “You’re holding me down and… you know, keep your fingers on my flank.”

Unconsciously, Raegdan wiped his left hand against his trousers. “Are you trying to make me gnaw off my own hand?”

Twilight muttered under her breath. “It’s not my fault you got a handful of-”

“I swear, I’ll cut it off right now, and you can bathe in my blood!”

Spike lift up the length of mane he was working on, giggling. “Might help take this off easier.”

Raegdan started brushing Twilight’s filthy coat again. “Look, you’re not getting out of here until-”

“You did it again!”

Whether Raegdan’s face became a fiery red because of embarrassment or contained anger was up to anypony’s guess. “You’re not standing fu- freaking still!” he shouted over Spike’s raucous laughter.

“This is a war crime!” Twilight screeched as the brush started moving ferociously across her sides once more.

“Stand still and stop spraying water on me or I’ll show you all about war crimes!”

A new voice sounded from inside Twilight’s room. “Hello? Is anypony here? I heard screaming.”

“Heavens, who the hell is it-”

“We’re in here,” Spike shouted.

Twilight dunked herself under the water. “Don’t let them come in here!”

Raegdan pulled her up again. “Don’t move away!”

“My stars, why all this commotion? Is somepony dying in here?” Blueblood said, stepping inside the bathroom.

“Yes!” Twilight shouted, screaming immediately when she saw that Blueblood had come in, right in Raegdan’s unprotected ear. “Don’t come in!”

“My ear!”

“Eeeek!”

“Whoah!” Spike shouted as he lost his balance and fell in the bathtub.

“Little flame!” Raegdan shouted, rushing to pull the seven year old dragon out of the water.

“Allow me to help y- augh!” Blueblood tried to approach the bathtub to help and was beat back -viciously- by Twilight’s flailing limbs.

“Stay away!” Twilight yelled.

The bathroom door was slammed open, letting Shining Armor inside, the young stallion looking fearful yet decisive. “Twily! Are you under attack? I’m here! I’m- Oh, hey. What’s all the commotion about?”

“Gaaargh!” Raegdan hissed in pain. Spike’s scratching claws finally found purchase -on Raegdan’s skin- and he quickly scrambled out of the water.

Shining Armor tried to make sense of what was happening. “Twi, what’s going in he-” TWANG! The young mare’s powerful magic flared in her frustration and anger and grabbed the first available item -the kitchen sink-, ripping it out of the wall, and used it to beat back the latest of her assaulters. Shining Armor stood dazed in place after the unexpected blow.

“Goodnight.” Then he fell down.

“Oh my Celestia! Will you all get out?” Twilight screamed, uncaring for the damage she was doing.

Celestia’s head popped into the bathroom. “You called, Twilight? Oh my, what is all this commotion-”

“OOOOUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!”

It took some time for those cast out -literally- to figure out which limb belonged to who.

“Who’s stepping on my back?” Blueblood asked.

“Sorry,” Spike answered. “I’ll get down immediately.”

“There’s somepony beneath me,” Celestia noticed.

“That would be Shining Armor, auntie. Erm, is that you I’m lying on?”

“Yes. I think I crushed Shining Armor. He’s not moving.”

“Oh, he fell uncoscious just before you came in.”

“Ah. Just as well. It would be better if he never knew where his face ended up.”

“Auntie!”

“I meant that I’m stepping on it. Blueblood?”

“Yes, auntie?”

“Get off?”

“Right. Sorry, auntie.” Blueblood slid down over the side of the large Alicorn and looked around. “Aren’t we missing somepony?”

Celestia looked around Twilight’s room, counting the bodies. “Oh yes. Raegdan. Of course, Twilight wouldn’t be able to push him out with her magic-”

TWANG!

“-But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have other means available,” Celestia finished without missing a beat.

Raegdan stepped out of the bathroom, holding the side of his head with one hand. He half leaned back inside. “Fine, do it on your own, see if I care. I’m warning you though, if you don’t have this off in an hour then-”

“OOOOOOUUUUUUUUUT!!!”

“Holy-” Raegdan slammed the door close. There was a loud thump, and the sound of breaking porcelain.

“I guess Twilight is not available for today’s lesson then,” Celestia observed.

“Yeah, but don’t mention that too loud,” Raegdan said, sitting down on a stool and nursing his aching head. “She’ll jump out of the tub the moment she hears you. Let her clean up.”

“I suppose I can call it an early day then,” Celestia said, seeing the upside quickly enough. She looked down at herself. She had been hit with quite a spray of water, not enough to drench her, but there was a wet sheen on her. “I should probably go take a bath myself.”

Celestia rose up and headed for the door, opening it with her magic. “It’s not every day I get rough handled like that. See you tomorrow, Raegdan. Goodnight.” Celestia turned her head forward and froze in surprise.

Cadance was looking at her with wide eyes, her pupils as small as pins, and her mouth a veritable flytrap.

Celestia looked down at herself again. Her feathers were in disarray, her coat tarnished, and she looked like she had ran a marathon.

Her mind replayed in stereo, with extra reverb, what she said as she opened the door.

“Oops.”

“Oh my gosh!” Cadance shouted.

“Cadance-”

“That’s Twilight’s room!” she shouted in accusation, and flew away, screaming.

“No, Cadance, wait, everypony will think the castle’s haunted again-” Celestia ran after her niece.

Raegdan closed the door behind her, sighing. “I know who’s gonna get bit in the ass when that comes back around. Come on little flame, Blueblood. Let’s see if we can get Shining Armor back on his legs.”

It didn’t take much all considered. A few shakes, a couple of slaps, and a gentle whisper in his ear was all it took to bring Shining Armor back to the land of the living.

“Your mom’s here.”

“I’m up! I’m up!” I’m fine, I want to go for a walk!”

Raegdan gave him another slap, one that he felt much sharper now that he was awake. “Relax, you big baby. Velvet’s not here, don’t soil yourself. Wuss.”

Spike looked up at his adopted father. “You’re serious, aren’t you? You meant that.”

Raegdan ignored him. “Why did you come here anyway?”

“Huh? Oh. Right. Yes.” Shining Armor shook his head and stood up. “It’s about Cadance actually. She’s been a real mess lately and I wondered if you could help me- hey!”

Raegdan had picked him up, lifting him high over his head. “Open the door, little flame!” Spike rushed to do as he said, barely opening the door in time before Shining Armor sailed through, screaming.

The biped walked to the threshold. “Sports store. Balls. Then fix your own damn problems with Cadance!” He slammed the door and put his forehead against it, resting for a moment against the madness that assailed him.

“Uhh… Raegdan?” Blueblood said shyly. “I have an issue of intimate nature I would like your help with- Oh Celestia, please, reallyithastobeyoupleasedon’thitme!”

Raegdan dropped the chair and crouched in front of him, staring in his eyes, and Blueblood could only see murder reflected in them, despite his wishes for something else. “Why?”

“It’s… personal. Can young Spike leave us alone for-”

“Meh,” Spike said, shrugging. He headed for the door. “I’ll go make sure Shining Armor is ok and make him get me some ice cream. See you later, dad.”

“You eat ice cream, you don’t get dessert ton-” The door closed before Raegdan had time to finish. “Ah, who am I kidding. He always gets dessert. Alright, we’re alone. Speak.”

Blueblood sat down on a chair and took a deep breath, trying desperately to calm his beating heart. It didn’t work. “You know of course that I do not hold my father’s approval.”

“So? What do you need it for?” Raegdan asked. He checked the shirt he wore -that had gotten considerably wet- and headed for Twilight’s bed. “It’s not like it matters to you anyway.”

“It has been easier the last couple of months. He has locked himself in his manor and refuses to leave. Which suits me just fine,” he quickly amended, noticing Raegdan’s suspicious look. Raegdan went back to reaching under Twilight’s bed.

He got off his knees holding a small satchel. A change of clothes was soon pulled out of it and was ready for him to wear. “You’re not really telling me anything I don’t know.”

“I’ve never told you one of the greatest reasons why.”

“Because you like stallions?” Raegdan asked.

“You knew?” Blueblood asked in shock.

“Celestia told me.” Raegdan glanced back. “You don’t mind, do you? She had her reasons for telling me.”

“Blueblood keeps “running accidentally” into us. Just so you know, if he plans on making a move on Twilight I’m castrating him.”

“He’s gay!” Celestia rushed to say, hoping that would be enough to preserve her nephew’s plumbing.

“No, that’s acceptable. Auntie knows best,” Blueblood said, licking his dry lips. “It makes the next part easier at least.”

Raegdan started pulling his shirt off. “Which is?”

“I… was wondering if you’d find it acceptable to go out with me for a cup of coffee or-”

Raegdan stopped midway of taking off his shirt, and then, very slowly and deliberately, put it back on. He turned around. “What?”

“I asked if you-”

“I. Said. OOOOUUUUUUUUT!” Twilight screamed, and let loose with her magic once more. Blueblood didn’t even have enough time to gain his bearings from his rough landing on the bathroom tiles before Twilight’s magic overtook him, and turned him into a leaf in the hold of a massive storm.

The flight ended at the opposite wall. He barely had time to shake his head, trying to straighten the world that suddenly shook so much, when two hands grabbed him and threw him out of the room. The door slammed inches from his face.

He was looked at it with a heavy weight on his heart when it swiftly opened up again. Raegdan crouched in front of him. At least he thought so. He was still lying on his back and was very, very dazed, so his perspective was highly suspect at the moment.

“A quick reminder; Cadance is the pony you’re supposed to talk about for this stuff, not me. The next time one of you white coated idiots comes to me for something similar, I’m slitting a throat. Yours, mine, I’m not picky.” He stood up and went back inside.

Raegdan moved to close the door, but paused for a moment. “On a side note, no offence, but I’m not interested. See you tomorrow.” He closed the door.

Blueblood slowly got up and brushed his coat. He made himself as presentable as he could under the circumstances. He took a deep breath and smiled. At least it was over with, and it ended better than he thought. Good enough. Maybe now he could move on. He wondered if Shining Armor really had a thing going with Princess Cadance or if that was just a front.

“Alright, Twilight. Time’s up.”

“Wait! I almost got it off on my own!”

“What the- You’re covered in it. How did… Heavens, don’t tell me you cast it again?”

“I- I thought I could reverse it-”

“Crap. It will take us all night to take it off. Stand still.”

“Nooooooooooo!”

Hearts and Hooves day - Part 1

Celestia whistled a merry, little tune as she carelessly applied a thick layer of butter over an aromatic, steaming hot piece of toast. She mused on the song’s origins as her knife slowly build a boundary wall of butter around the toast, preparing a bowl-like delicious container for the incoming flood of jam.

None of her ponies had recognized the tune so far this morning so she was suspecting it was another half-forgotten piece that she had heard sometime in the past centuries. It brought the image of a Royal guard in mind and a happy smile that didn’t have anything to do with the music itself. She suspected she heard that pony whistling his happiness to the world on a day very much like today.

Now, onto the first important decision of the day. Did she want to risk finding out if Alicorns could get diabetes by way of peach or cherry jam? She judged the containers, and contemplated the merits of strawberry- oooh, honey! No, too sweet and drippy, she had standards to uphold but… well, it was meant to be healthy, wasn’t it?

Far be it from her to deny a healthy lifestyle, she thought as she prepared two more buttered toasts for her jam choices. She could afford to splurge, she was making it up by being so consciously dietary healthy after all.

One of her most recent guest additions to her breakfast table sat next to her as she finished preparing her own feast. Raegdan ate his usual breakfast. Bread with just the barest of honey and plenty of water.

“We have more than just bread, you know,” Celestia chuckled, using the same old, tired argument.

Raegdan chewed slowly and swallowed, his eyes red from lack of sleep. “Bread’s good enough,” he answered the same way he always did.

Celestia decided to dig a little deeper today. “I know you like sweet tastes, so I really don’t understand why you choose to have such a bland breakfast.”

“If you must know,” he surprised her, “it’s because it’s exactly what I used to have in the morning most often back home. I liked sleeping in so I didn’t have time to waste on anything complicated if I wanted to get to work in time.”

“Oh. I see.” Celestia was a little sorry that she pestered him so often for what was essentially a small ritual that connected him to his old life, but at the same time exceptionally happy that he felt in home enough to do so on her table. “Did you use to hold conversations in the mornings as well?” she asked, smiling.

“No,” he said, dryly. Celestia’s smile fell a little, and Raegdan chewed with a thoughtful look. “But there was this device I used to keep activated that told the news and similar. I liked listening to the chatter. This isn’t half bad.”

Celestia accepted the invitation. She pointed at the bags under Raegdan’s eyes with her stained butterknife. “I assume your determination to keep watch over Twilight and her parents last night amounted to little else than loss of sleep.”

Raegdan’s expression soured half-heartedly. “I had a bad feeling, and for all we know nothing happened because I was spotted. As long as the little one is safe I’ll take that as a win.”

“Whatever floats your boat, as they say,” Celestia said, dismissing his constant worrying. “Do you have time to help me get through the Day Court a little faster today?”

Raegdan yawned, covering his mouth. “Easy enough. That’s always fun. Am I the complaint department again or do you want me to start up a fight so you can have an excuse to ditch?” Predatory teeth flashed in an anticipatory grin.

“I was thinking we could try something new today. Have you seen the new flower display the gardeners made near the maze?”

Raegdan grimaced in the memory. “The one that’s arranged like a familiar white Alicorn with-”

“-Motherly characteristics, yes,” Celestia finished for him.

“I was going to say ‘ponies that suckle on her like a-”

“-Canine of the female persuasion?”

“...That works,” he shrugged. “What about it?”

Celestia fluttered her eyelids at her friend, making it obvious how much she wanted this favor done. “Do you think you might thoughtlessly decide to set up your hideous grill in the gardens, ignoring everypony else’s concerns over cooking meat in the open? And might you also be clumsy enough that you drop a lit coal or two?”

Raegdan fought to keep his laughter from exploding. “For you, I’ll accidentally set a bottle of alcohol on fire and throw it right there. Do you want me to salt the earth too?”

“Let’s not go overboard,” Celestia laughed. “Give me an hour to finish up the really important ones. Then I’ll come get you and throw you in the usual cell so you can get a nap while Twilight is busy. Is she coming back today?”

The biped nodded, refilling his glass water. “Yeah, she’s on her way with her parents. The streets are busy enough that she’ll be fine. I popped ahead to have some time to eat.”

“Good. I was looking forward to today.” Celestia used her magic to spread the thin, white curtains even further apart, the room flooding with morning sunlight. “It’s going to be a beautiful day,” she sighed.

The biped raised a hand to block the sudden onslaught of light from further assaulting his eyes. “Alright, you braggart, nice job, can you bring it down a notch?”

“Aw, you noticed,” Celestia laughed, doing as he asked and brought the curtains to their prior position. She took a bite from her cherry jam loaded toast. “I did as much as I could to place the sun in the perfect orbit. After all, today is very special for a young mare.”

“Pardon?” Raegdan asked, suspiciously.

“I’m buying you a calendar,” Celestia decreed, taking a bite from her peach jam toast and closed her eyes in bliss. “It’s Hearts and Hooves day, Raegdan. The day to celebrate your special somepony. There’s going to be-” Celestia stopped, as soon as she opened her eyes again.

Raegdan had vanished.

‘Either he has learned new tricks or this is the day I find out I’ve grown senile,” Celestia thought, disturbed.

Her introspection of both frightening prospects was cut short by her niece skipping happily as she entered. Cadance practically glowed as she half-danced to music only she could hear, a pink ribbon on her hair swaying with every bobbing of her head.

“Good morning, Cadance. Excited about today?” Celestia reached with her hoof and straightened the ribbon.

Cadance nodded, her eyes sparkling. “Very, aunt Celestia. It is such a beautiful day too,” she observed.

“Thank you,” Celestia said, blushing slightly at the praise. “Any special plans?” she asked, smirking.

“Nothing much. Just going to walk around Canterlot mainly, soak in the atmosphere,” Cadance said, suspiciously waving her hoof in a nonchalant manner that failed to fool Celestia.

The white Alicorn raised an eyebrow. “And are you meeting with a certain pony by any chance? Perhaps one named Shining Armor?”

“Mmmmaybe… Oh, that reminds me!” Cadance yelped, smacking her forehead. “Have you seen Raegdan? I need a stallion’s thoughts on a few… questions I have.”

Five digits circled around Celestia’s leg beneath the table and gripped warningly. Celestia barely stopped herself from jumping up in surprise.

“...Questions about what?” Celestia asked as innocently as she could, making sure she didn’t glance down where Raegdan hid behind the tablecloth.

Cadance noticed something was off, but was derailed by her aunt’s question. “Oh, uhhh… Dresses! I wanted to ask his opinion on dresses!”

Celestia frowned, puzzled. “Why ask Raegdan? How could he possibly be of help?”

“Oh, he knows a lot. He read on the subject when he told Shining Armor abouuut…” Cadance was suddenly sweating, barely steering herself off from completing the sentence.

“Dresses?” Celestia helpfully and sarcastically supplied her niece with the code word she was using to futilely fool her.

“Yes! Dresses! Many questions! Much wonder! Any idea where he is?”

Raegdan gripped harder, making Celestia jump in surprise this time. She tried to play it off as a hiccup. “I’m sorry, Cadance. I don’t think he’s… available right now.”

Cadance was inspecting the table suspiciously. “Is something the matter, aunt Celestia? It looks like there’s some-” Cadance’s magic suddenly lift the tablecloth, revealing Raegdan crouching near Celestia, his hands grabbing her legs.

“Wh- What are you doing?” She asked, nonplussed, her eyes wider that the plates on the table.

Celestia heard Raegdan answer. “I’m… eating. It is time for breakfast anyway.”

He did not just say that. Not the way he was curled against her legs, grabbing them both by the ankles!

Apparently he did. Cadance’s face went red as her jaw dropped and she slowly started retreating.

“Cadance,” Celestia said, warningly, her own face flushing red despite her attempts at staying calm, and reinforcing the false idea that was implanted in her niece’s head. “Cadance, get your mind out of the-”

The door slammed open and the young, pink Alicorn ran as if the Cerberus of Tartarus was hot on her heels, screaming her lungs out. “You ruined the holidayyyyy…”

“-gutter.” Celestia sighed and lifted the tablecloth so she could take a peek at the biped. “You have to tell her the truth one of these days. Now come back out here.”

Raegdan pulled the tablecloth back down.

“Get out from there!” Celestia repeated.

“No!” Raegdan vehemently refused, holding the end of the tablecloth down by force, denying Celestia’s magic from affecting it. “Not until the whole menagerie of idiots has passed and gone!”

“What menagerie-”

“Good morning, Princess Celestia,” Shining Armor greeted as he came through the open door. “By the way, the ghost banshee is back. I could hear its wail on my way here. The maids have all gone running out again.”

Celestia bit her lip to hold the mischievous smirk in check. What was done to Cadance wasn’t funny. It wasn’t. It really, really, really was just the tiniest bit funny, and that was wrong. It was wrong. But still funny.

“Good morning, Shining Armor. I suppose you’re looking for Cadance?”

“Actually, Princess, I was looking for Raegdan.” Yep, there was a vindicated grip on her leg again. If this kept on like that she would be half limping for the rest of the day, and won’t it drive Cadance mad to see her walking funny?

“Any particular reason?” Celestia marvelled at how popular Raegdan became on days like these, and slightly suspicious that there was a joke being played on his expense. If it was then they had left her out of the loop, and that just wouldn’t do.

“I’m meeting Cadance later on,” Shining Armor explained, his cheeks tinging red. “I, uh, wanted to ask a few questions… get some advice, you know. Perhaps an idea for- for a gift or something.”

Celestia discreetly kicked the hidden alien under her table to stop him from bruising her legs any further the way he warningly punched at them. “I’m sorry, Shining Armor, but I don’t think he’s available now. Maybe you’ll run into him later.”

Shining Armor nodded with a look of disappointment. “Thank you, Princess. Maybe I will. I’m sorry to interrupt your breakfast.”

“It is no problem at all. Good day to you, Shining.” She waited until the door shut, pulled the tablecloth up so she could have an easier time targeting, and started kicking. “Get out of there now, and come up here!”

Raegdan crawled out of range, still hiding under the long table. “I’m not risking getting caught between another idiotic pair. I’ve had enough, thank you!”

“Cadance and Shining Armor have left, there’s nopony left to-”

“Hello, aunt Celestia. Who are you talking to?” Blueblood asked, curiously searching the room for Celestia’s unseen guest.

“Nopony. Just… myself.” She quickly straightened the tablecloth, and plastered a fake smile over her lips that she hoped didn’t look as manic as it felt.

“Oh. Uh, well… Good,” Blueblood stammered, hesitantly. “Do you need some time alone to… talk?” Celestia could practically hear his brain shouting out 'senility'.

“No, that’s ok,” Celestia quickly said, sensing Raegdan getting back in range and covertly kicking again and felt her hoof connect with soft, fleshy tissue with a deep sense of satisfaction. “I don’t suppose that you’re looking for Raegdan?”

Raegdan’s grip warned her not to mention his whereabouts at all.

Blueblood shook his head. “Oh, gracious, no. I couldn’t stand to see him today of all days. I only wanted to ask you, auntie, if you could do me the favor of delivering this to him when you see him,” he said, levitating a pink envelope towards her without looking anywhere near her.

“Is that a-”

“Thank you, aunt Celestia, bye!” Blueblood almost screamed as he ran out, blushing furiously.

“Oh heavens, what did he give you?” Raegdan asked, unseen and full of dread.

Celestia opened the envelope, knowing that Raegdan wouldn’t mind, and not caring that much of whether he did at this point. “Well, you have a not-so-secret admirer according to this delightful Hearts and Hooves day card.”

“Kill me. What does it say?”

“Apparently your resolute character and firm torso have made quite the impression on my young nephew,” Celestia said, holding a hoof over her lips to stop any snorts that risked coming out. “I don’t suppose the feelings are mutual?”

“I swear, I’m not coming out of here until tomorrow. Is everyone pulling a joke on me? Why do they come to me with this shit?” he rhetorically asked, mirroring her own suspicions.

“What do you want to do with the card?” Celestia asked. “Would you like me to enlarge and frame it?”

“Start a fire with it.”

“Raegdan,” Celestia admonished. “That isn’t nice at all. Blueblood put a lot of work and how he feels in this to simply burn it or throw it away.”

“Fine. You’re right.” There was a pause as Raegdan thought. “Erase my name, put Shining Armor’s on it, and deliver it to him.”

“This is just evil,” Celestia noted, opening the card once more so she could make the change on the text inside as well. “Done. Are you coming out to finish eating properly?”

“I’m fine down here. So, what were we talking about?”

Celestia hummed in thought as she tried to recollect. “Oh, right. I had mentioned that today is a very important day for a young mare.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Raegdan said, sounding exhausted. “I get it. Heart and Hooves day is very important for Cadance, she’s the Princess of Love, yada, yada, yada. Good for her.”

“It is good for her,” Celestia agreed, eager to deliver the news nopony had seen fit to mention to Raegdan yet, “but she’s not the one I was talking about.”

“Pardon?”

Celestia sat back, smiling content for her young charge. “Twilight Velvet arranged it, but even so Twilight herself is very eager, and it will do her good to do something different. We even have a small betting pool on whether there will be a kiss or not. Twilight has a blind date with the cutest, little colt toda-”

Raegdan’s grip became so tight that Celestia felt her bone fracture.

Hearts and Hooves day - Part 2

“I might be wrong,” Shining Armor started, skeptically, “but I think this is one of the old war rooms.”

Blueblood lightly tapped at one of the chairs and exaggeratedly coughed when a thick cloud of dust rose up. “What tipped you off? The weapons and armors on the walls, the maps, or the big sign outside on the door that said ‘War Room’?”

Shining Armor’s cheeks flamed at the sarcasm. “I didn’t notice the sign.”

Night Light patted Shining Armor’s shoulder. “There was no sign, son. Blueblood is just having fun in your expense.” When his son walked off with his confidence reestablished Night Light leant toward Cadance and whispered. “There totally was a sign.”

Cadance giggled knowingly.

“Is the Princess coming soon?” Twilight Velvet asked while she used her magic to float down a very large sword. “My little angel is anxious for her date, and I want to make sure she’s ready.”

“Honey, if you’re looking for accessories for her, know that I completely agree with your choice there.” Night Light inspected the blade. The edge had been dulled, but the point was still quite able to skewer somepony through. “We don’t want the young ruffi- colt to be getting any ideas.”

“Oh, shush you.”

No more than a minute or two later Princess Celestia limped into the room, chewing her lips full of worry and stress. “Thank you all for coming and being patient. We… have a small problem.”

“Is there something wrong with your leg, auntie Celestia?” Blueblood worriedly asked and allowed his aunt to sit on the chair he so painstakingly had cleaned.

“I had an… accident. Trying to kick one hundred and fifty kilograms of ungrateful stupid didn’t help. It will heal soon enough. Raegdan knows,” Celestia announced.

The ominous dread and gasps of horror she expected her statement to bring failed to materialize.

“Knows what?” Cadance asked innocently.

Celestia couldn’t help but pout that her efforts, and practice in using the completely right tone when she said ‘knows’, failed to impress. “He knows that Twilight has a date tonight.”

“You do? With whom?” Night Light levelled an accusatory hoof at Twilight Velvet’s muzzle. The mare hardly blinked as she caught it with her own hooves and twisted it around her husband’s back.

“Gyaaah!”

“The Princess means our daughter, you klutz,” she said, speaking a little louder to be heard over his groans.

“Point taken, honey. Let go, please?”

Shining Armor jumped forward, shaking. “Wait, how does he know? Which idiot told him?” he asked at large.

Princess Celestia raised her hoof, blushing. “I did.”

Shining Armor’s eyes took on the size of beach balls and his eyebrows vanished beneath his mane. “Oh. I, uh-”

Blueblood quickly dragged him back before he made even more of a fool of himself. “Two ponies are your parents, one is your marefriend, and the other is your sovereign ruler. No the best of odds for that kind of question, are they?” he urgently whispered in his ear.

Cadance tried to soothe their rising panic. “I’m sure there is no need to worry. What’s the worst that he can do?”

It is so strange, Cadance mused in her own head. Normally this is where my imagination should explode with images of violence, but it doesn’t. Oh wait, there it is… no, no. That’s memory, not imagination. That’s even worse.

“Great!” Night Light cheered with the joy of a father who would see his daughter remain untouched from any foul males the likes of him a little longer, despite -or perhaps due to- the bloody cost. “I guess the date is off then. Oh, what a pity,” he cackled.

Shining Armor couldn’t help it. His big brother instinct made it easy to see where his father was coming from. On the other hoof, he knew his sister quite well. “Twilight is going to be devastated,” he pointed out.

Cadance nodded in agreement, and kicked a small mound of dust in disappointment. “Poor filly was looking forward to this for days. She’s been worrying over what to wear for days. She’s going to cry nonstop when she- gnnh!” She choked on her own words and her expression was overtook by fear.

Twilight Velvet rubbed her pained forehead, the mother making the connection quicker than almost everypony else.

Shining Armor was the next one to understand their predicament. “Twilight is going to cry...”

“...And Raegdan’s going to want to know why...” Blueblood continued.

Cadance was the next to take the baton. “...And when she tells him…”

“Wait, wait, wait. That’s going to be his own fault though, right?” Shining Armor looked around for support.

“Well, yes,” Cadance admitted. “And then he’s either going to blame himself-”

“Which will mean he’s going to be extremely, ah, difficult for some time,” Blueblood noted.

“Or he might blame us for cancelling her date-”

“Which means he’s going to make it knowns to us how displeased he is feeling,” Blueblood helpfully supplied again.

“Or he’s going to blame the colt,” Cadance finished. “He’s going to blame the colt, won’t he?”

Blueblood froze, his veins feeling ice cold and his blond mane drooped in front of his face as if to portray his feelings. “Oh, that poor colt,” he whispered, terrified. “It’s doomed either way.”

“Then in that case, that date is happening,” Twilight Velvet announced after a minute. “I don’t care about any of that, I’m not having my little angel cry herself to sleep tonight.”

Cadance put her hoof down on the table in front of her, quickly pulling it back and frantically wiping away the cobwebs that snared it. “I’m sure if I can find Raegdan I can talk some sense into him. We’re probably worrying over nothing, and he’s just off brooding because he’s coming to terms that Twilight’s growing.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t know,” Twilight Velvet said in deep sarcasm mode and patting her husband’s head. “Some ponies are too stubborn to realise that.”

“You’re even worse,” Night Light mumbled, leaning into his wife’s touch. “You kept Shining Armor fed on your own breastmilk until he was-”

“Comeon,Cadance,let’scheckhisroomfirst!” Shining Armor rapidly fired as he dragged his marefriend away from hellish revelations.

Shadows creeped on the walls, flickering through shapes and forms faster than the eye could distinguish. Shining Armor extinguished the torch and tried a light spell instead. The eerie movements stopped, but now he couldn’t stop but notice how quiet it was. He was already missing the warmth of the torch next to his cheek.

“He can’t be sleeping in here,” Cadance said as she looked all around the large storeroom. She kicked a hanging sheet whose greyness exploded into a cloud of dust, briefly revealing the faded white underneath. “Why would he sleep in here?”

“I dunno.” A place where nopony would expect to find him, full of shadows and artificially made corridors, where every step was a ringing, echoing alarm? Gee, he wondered what the paranoid biped saw in this place.

“Anyway,” he continued in an effort to stop Cadance from exploring every nook and cranny. “He doesn’t sleep here here. He’s got a small corner all tidied up. He’s probably there waiting for us.”

“Waiting? You think he heard me?” Cadance asked loudly. More dust and lint fell from the ceiling over her mane, greying it out..

“No, of course not. You have a voice as soft as a petal’s kiss,” Shining Armor assured her.

Cadance snorted behind her hoof. “Oh, you flatterer.” She waved her hoof in a ‘go away’ motion, and clanked it loudly back on the floor.

They weaved through the boxes and covered furniture, relying on Shining Armor’s memory and the fact that Raegdan’s hidey hole could only be in one of two remaining corners of the large storeroom. Shining Armor had only been here once, but he had no problem navigating in the wooden maze.

They reached Raegdan’s little corner with its sad pile of rags that worked as a bed on the cold floor, and the large wooden containers that helped make it into a little room, hiding away the depressing reality and keeping back the tide of dirt, grime, and dust.

Shining Armor didn’t dwell on that though. What he was looking at was the wall right next to it.

Cadance made a beeline for Raegdan’s personal space. “That’s where he prefers to live? Why?”

Shining Armor gulped as he made sense of what he was seeing. “Cadance…”

“Hey, he was photos pinned here. Aw, he even has one of me. Huh. Who is that supposed-”

“Cadance!” Shining Armor shouted. “Look!”

“I’m here, I’m here. What?” Cadance asked after she rushed to his side, her exploration cut short.

“Look!” Shining Armor repeated. His hoof pointed at a nail. It was half driven to the wall and bent so its head made a ninety degree angle upwards.

“It’s… a nail? Is this where he hangs his coat?” Cadance asked, mystified.

Shining Armor channeled more magic into his light spell, illuminated the space as much as he possibly could. He struck the wall below the nail with his hoof. “This is where he keeps that bow of his.” One more strike, to the right. “The quiver.” Strike. “A couple of daggers, at least the ones he doesn’t hide.” Strike. “The spear that Princess Celestia let him have. The two extra spears that he stole. We’re not sure if he knows that Princess Celestia knows.” Strike. “The tools he uses for, uh, preparing his catch when he goes hunting. Well, that’s all that I remember at least. I think he has a small axe as well.”

Cadance stared at the wall, fascinated. Her head rotated from left to right, slowly taking in everything.

“He really has all that?” she asked.

“Yes.” Shining Armor kept his answer straight and to the point.

She looked again. She had only known him to hold a dagger under his clothes. Correction; that’s what he had told her he had. She never expected him to have a full, personal arsenal. Even if it was mostly used for his hunting, he didn’t hunt small.

Which brought to mind a disturbing question.

“Then where is everything?”

The wall was bare, save from the empty nails.

“Cadance, I think we should go tell the Princess and my mom that Raegdan might not be brooding as you thought.”

“Worry not, young Shining Armor. That goes for you as well, Cadance. I like my carpets without holes. Please refrain from making one, even if it’s so old,” Celestia soothed them, in her usual manner. She was too calm.

Cadance stopped pacing. They were back in the ancient war room, and the macabre decor didn’t help her mentally at all! “Auntie, Twilight is supposed to go on her date in a few hours, and we have no idea where Raegdan is, but we have a pretty good idea what he wants to do. How can we not worry?” Cadance was about ready to start pulling her own mane.

Celestia laid a wing on Cadance’s back in a gesture of assurance. “Everything is going to be ok.” Celestia leaned down, putting her head next to Cadance’s. “Twilight Velvet and I have a plan.”

“Is it a good plan?”

As far as Cadance was concerned this was teetering on the border of good and bad. She trusted her aunt to see them through, to make sure nopony would be harmed and everypony would be all and well. As far as Twilight Velvet went… well…

No offense to Shining Armor, but his mother would make sure nopony would be overly physically harmed -mental scars didn’t count-, and she would be assured to come out smelling roses herself while everypony else would come out praying that she wouldn’t share the embarrassing story to too many ponies.

“Twilight Velvet and I have a plan,” Celestia repeated.

“This is the worst plan ever!” Shining Armor wailed.

“Look on the bright side. At least this way Twilight’s little coltfriend is going to be safe from any errant arrows,” Cadance said.

“They are not going to be errant at all. I’ve seen Raegdan shoot, and he’s got a very good aim. Trust me, any arrows that come for my skull won’t be errant at all!”

“You’re panicking, sweetie. Calm down. You’re making a scene.”

“Of course I’m panicking! You’re sending me off to die!”

“Nopony is sending you ‘off to die’. You’re being ridiculous. I’m here with you, am I not?”

“That’s easy for you to say! You’re disguised as Twilight! He won’t try to rip your heart out and feed it to you!”

Cadance glanced at her reflection on a store window. It worked almost as good as a mirror in the low lighted evening, despite all the lights, pink in their greatest part, lighting up Canterlot in honor of Heart and Hooves day. She expected to spend her day and evening with her very own special somepony somewhere public and fun, before retreating somewhere private and perhaps even more fun, not like… this.

Her tall stature was gone. She was now seeing everything from a much lower height that she had gleefully escaped on her way to being a mature mare. Her pink coat had turned purple, her mane had changed color and then enthusiastically attacked by Twilight Velvet, even her eyes had not survived the onslaught. Using magic and mundane means together they had managed to turn her into the perfect copy of Twilight Sparkle.

Next to her walked a young colt that seemed ready to pass out from hyperventilating. Shining Armor had shrunk as well, but he got to keep his white coat. His mane didn’t escape his mother’s clutches however, and she wondered if he would keep the bowl cut after he transformed back to normal. She hoped not. They had also colored it pitch black. It really, really didn’t suit him at all.

“If we’re lucky maybe Raegdan will attribute your state to dating jitters. It might help to really sell this charade,” Cadance noted, hoping that Raegdan would also attribute Shining Armor’s shaking to the night’s chill.

“Well, if you think it will help I can do even more scared!” Shining Armor almost yelled, looking around with naked fear.

Cadance held his head still with her hoof, and immediately pulled it back. Twilight would never lay a hoof on her date so casually. She would be too shy. She needed to act like Twilight in case Raegdan was somewhere nearby, watching them. Shining Armor needed to act his part as well.

“Please calm down. We’re going to be ok. Remember, Princess Celestia herself is keeping an eye on us, as is your mother, and we’re out in public. We will be fine.”

Shining Armor took a few deep breaths. “Ok. Ok, I can do this. I can do shield spells. I just need to be on my guard and I’ll be fine. I’m ok.”

“That’s the ticket!” Cadance cheered him on while privately hoping he wouldn’t be casting a shield with every little sound. She needed to calm him down, take his focus elsewhere. “So, care to explain the perfumes?”

“The what now?” Shining Armor asked, quickly turning his head back to her. Cadance once again marvelled at that bowl cut. Not a single hair dared to move out of place. It was like it was made out of shiny black metal.

“You have more perfumes on you than I do.”

“Oh that.” Shining Armor used one of his front hooves to showcase his blue bowtie. “That’s all Blueblood. He also dressed me in this, and pinned this daisy on me as well.”

“You mean glued,” Cadance corrected him, inspecting the white flower on Shining Armor’s chest.

“Pinned. With a very pointy pin. Then he basically doused me in perfume. Honestly, if he had the time to spare I think he would dress me up like a doll for hours.”

“You don’t say.” Cadance was reminded of the looks of pure want aunt Celestia and Twilight Velvet had as they chose a dress for her. Something told her that she’d want to get rid of her disguise as soon as possible. “That’s kind of him though.”

“Yeah, I guess. I just wish he hadn’t kept hugging me like that.”

“He did wha-”

Cadance’s clip-on earing buzzed, and from Shining Armor’s expression, so did the small bandaid they had stuck on his ear.

“Bzzt. Decoy, come in. Do you copy, decoy?”

“Yes, aunt Celestia, I hear you fine. How’s the range on this?”

“Absolutely ridiculous. I’m forced to float on a cloud over you to get it to work. Don’t look up. At least we have a good line of sight to everywhere around you.”

“Come in, meat bait. Do you copy, meat bait?”

“Mom, I really wish you’d come up with another code name,” Shining Armor whined.

“Wait,” Cadance interrupted. “Where is she? She’s a unicorn, she can’t ride on a cloud!”

“Correct. She’s riding on my back.”

“You always brood on how you’d like to stop being treated like a princess all the time.”

“There’s quite the difference between treated like a normal pony and treated like a flying carpet.”

“Can we focus, please?” Shining Armor hissed. “Can you see Raegdan? Is he following us?”

“I can’t see him, but that doesn’t mean much. I’m sure he’s following you though. We made quite a big fanfare of the two of you leaving so he wouldn’t be around the castle when Twilight does. He has to be somewhere around.”

“Cadance, honey, this is where you’re supposed to have your date. Go inside.”

The restaurant in question was a crystal palace. Glass shone everywhere. It was one of the most expensive establishments in Canterlot, and it only accepted customers by reservation. It was the perfect place to set their trap, and thanks to Princess Celestia there had been no difficulty in making a last minute reservation for themselves. Nopony would also disturb them, and considering who she was supposed to be Cadance believed nopony would find it too strange to see her here either.

“Oh. Great. Windows everywhere.” Shining Armor looked at the building with dread,

“We had to make sure we had a good view, and it would let Raegdan get a good view as well. We will look for him while the two of you keep him distracted.”

“Meat shield, offer your hoof and escort the lady inside.”

“Moooom…”

“Time to learn how to woo your date, honey. Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of pointers.”

“Raegdan, please, shoot me now,” Shining Armor mumbled.

“I think I saw something move out the east window,” Shining Armor hissed urgently, pushing away his plate and staring.

“That was a pigeon, Shining. Can you please-”

“Raegdan might be there and he scared it off! There! Again!” Shining Armor pointed with his coltish hoof, shaking all the while. “Did you see it? Did you?”

“That was us, Shining Armor. Nothing here as well. He’s hiding pretty well. You should calm down. If you don’t stop sending us all over like that he’s going to notice us.”

“Shining, look, we already missed our date tonight. Maybe we can make the best of this, what do you say?” Cadance said.

“Oh sure.” Shining Armor pulled his plate back and seasoned his soup with enough salt to make a pony’s blood pressure explode. “A nice romantic dinner, an arrow crashing through the glass as it heads for my forehead, a closed casket funeral… We can have daisies on my coffin! Hay, I already have one!” He slurped his soup loudly and grimaced. “It needs more salt.”

“I have a plan.”

“Oh for… Mom, please, no more plans! Please.” Shining Armor closed his eyes, the perfect image of a pony facing death row.

“We need to bring Raegdan out in the open. Decoy, go sit next to meat bait.”

“Velvet, are you sure-”

“Two birds, one stone, Princess Celestia. I know what I’m doing.”

Cadance moved next to Shining Armor, just like Velvet told her to. “Now what?”

“What we have here is a couple, sitting next to each other. Shining Armor, pay attention, honey. Sitting opposite your date is well and good… sometimes. Other times however you need to break the ice. You need to make it more intimate.”

“Kill me,” Shining Armor said to Cadance, looking her straight in the eye. “No, really, kill me.”

“Let’s assume you actually said something funny or smart instead. Decoy, giggle.”

Cadance did as directed, putting on a good impression of Twilight covering her laugh behind her hoof.

“Excellent. Now, you are talking, getting closer. You slowly lean deeper and deeper as you whisper quieter by the second, forcing your date to approach in order to listen as well. Your heads come together, smiles encroaching on your lips…”

“Velvet, I think there might be something wrong with you,” Celestia said, keeping her eyes glued on the scene.

“Yeah, I’m missing my daughter’s first kiss, that’s what’s wrong. Thankfully, I’m brilliant!” Velvet activated her talker again. “Now…”

“...You are close enough. The lights, the witty repartee, the closeness, it all comes together. The magic of the moment brightens and… now you kiss her!”

Shining Armor hastily pulled back. “What? Never!”

Cadance stayed where she was for a second, her lips still waiting. She rose up as well, anger rising with her. “What?”

“I’m not kissing you!” Shining Armor yelled. “No way!”

“No way? You had no trouble kissing me while hidden in a cupboard, but now that we’re actually on a date you won’t?”

“How can I?” Shining Armor shouted at the top of his lungs. “You’re my sister!”

The low buzz of conversation in the restaurant cut short as everypony stared, their jaws slacking open.

Velvet turned towards the princess which had almost swallowed half the cloud in an effort to stifle her laughter. “He takes after his father mostly. I blame him. It’s Twilight who took after me.”

“Are you really so shallow?” Cadance demanded, furious now. “Is the outside so important to you? I thought you cared about me!”

“I do care about you, but-”

“Why don’t you prove it then?” Cadance ripped the napkin around her throat and threw it on the table. “Kiss me!”

“I- I can’t-”

“What, can’t get in the mood? Do I need to shake my flank to excite you? Or do you need a dark space to crawl in before you start feeling me up?” Somewhere behind Cadance a mare fainted and her fellow diners rushed to save her from drowning in her soup.

“Perhaps get lower down and open my mouth, just like you fantasize? Yeah, I know about that!” She pointed at her horn. The casualties in the restaurant started to increase as the patrons heard aghast the two pre-teens fighting. Waiters rushed outside to bring medical help. “Apparently that should be enough since you only bother with appearances!”

“But you look like-”

“It shouldn’t matter! I’m still me and you know it perfectly well! If you love me, really love me, and not lusting after a body, then prove it. Come here right now and kiss your sister senseless or it’s off!”

“Before you say anything,” Celestia said, holding up a hoof, “she’s adopted.”

“Uh, huh.” Twilight Velvet nodded. “I don’t see Raegdan anywhere.”

Celestia took a look below herself, certain she would see no sign of the crafty biped. “Well, he must have figured it out by now.” She turned her gaze back to the show through the windows and smiled. “At least you’re getting a reasonable facsimile of your daughter’s first kiss.”

“Hmm. I don’t know. I doubt my little angel would use so much tongue in her first kiss,” Twilight Velvet pondered, but still paying close attention.

“I suppose the fact that it is her brother doesn’t disturb you?”

“Oh, please,” Velvet said with a huff. “If I couldn’t distinguish between fantasy and reality then my marriage would be in tatters years ago.”

“...What exactly do you and your husband do?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re older. Oops. They’re bringing the Guard.”

“Great. Let’s go down and explain it somehow.” Celestia sighed. “We need to rush and find Twilight and her date. Raegdan will be looking for them now.”

“She’s the Princess of Love, isn’t she? We can always say she was trying out a new kink…” Twilight Velvet offered as an explanation as Princess Celestia brought them in front of the restaurant where rich, posh, and noble customers were running out of in droves.

Twilight kicked a small pebble in her way, grumbling. It was all so stupid. Hearts and Hooves day, pink, and balloons, and hearts, and special -hah- someponies, and all. Stupid. Who needed it? She didn’t! She had her books, and she had them all year long. She didn’t need no stupid colt to make her mad and waste her day.

“Stupid colts, stupid stallions, stupid illiterate ponies, stupid dresses, stupid ponies making me excited for nothing, stupid stupid ruining it all…” She sniffed and wiped her nose.

Something clattered loudly in the dark. Twilight stopped in her tracks. She should have gotten back to the castle by the way she came, but the stupid colt was going that way back, and she didn’t want to walk with him any more. So she took to the alleys.

Maybe that wasn’t so smart.

Twilight steeled her resolve, and chased her fear away. It was easy enough to do. She never felt really scared. Not anymore. It had been years since the last time she did. She walked towards the noise, unafraid and forgetting that her shield against fear wasn’t with her, and lighted her horn with her magic, bringing light to the darkness.

Raegdan was there, hastily putting the lid back on a trashcan.

“Raegdan? What are you doing here?”

Her guardian turned around almost in a panic, and greeted her with a raised palm. “Oh, hey little one. I was… eating a banana. Just, you know, throwing the banana peel away.”

“No, I mean, what are you doing here?”

Raegdan came next to her and kneeled down, his eyes focused and filled with love. “Just looking out for you, little one. You’re not with your date. Did something happen?”

Twilight looked away, pouting. “He was stupid…”

“Little one? What happened? Did he hurt you?”

Twilight took a deep breath and started explaining. “We were going to the restaurant my mom reserved for us. We were talking on the way, and we started telling each other about our hobbies. I told him I liked books, and…” Her face soured once more, and she closed her eyes.

“And? Little one, what happened? It’s ok, you can tell me-”

Twilight fell on his chest with the speed of a train. “He said books are boring and stupid!” she sobbed.

Raegdan’s palm ran down her mane and back, trying to calm her down. “It’s ok, little one. It’s ok. Like you said, he was stupid then. Do you want me to go find him and teach him a lesson?”

“I don’t know.” The idea did have some merit in Twilight’s current state. “Maybe you could beat some sense to him with some hardcover books.”

“Little one, by the time I’m done with him he will be pooping knowledge for weeks!”

Twilight laughed, feeling relief come and replace her distress. She wiped her eyes again, this time from happy tears. “Nah, it’s ok. He’s not worth ruining a book for.”

“Are you absolutely sure? Maybe an old, boring one? Just say the word, and I’ll give him a reason to cry as well.” Raegdan barely held his growl in check.

“Not even that. He’s the one that’s boring. I don’t want to even think of him any more.” She let go of her guardian and stood on her own legs. “I guess we go home now?”

Raegdan looked left and right, inspecting the area they stood in. He dug in his right pocket, and took a number of bits out. “Well, little one, I don’t have a lot on me, but Donut Joe is close by and he’s willing to give me credit if we go overboard. What do you say we go there so I can say I spent a night out in Canterlot with a beautiful lady?”

Twilight’s stomach rumbled at the thought of delicious donuts. She hadn’t eaten almost anything all day, half due to her nerves, half because she wanted to keep her appetite for the restaurant.

“Can we have milkshakes too?”

“Little one, you order it, you get it. Do you want to walk or ride?”

Twilight thought for a second. “Ride. These shoes are really uncomfortable.”

Raegdan bent down so Twilight could climb on his back and they set off to the land of warm, cream-filled pastries.

“You know, I think Princess Celestia was looking for you today. Where were you?” Twilight asked.

“Hmmm? Oh, nowhere in particular. Just sitting in a corner in an old, dusty war room of hers.”

“Really? Why?”

“No reason. By the way, little one. If you ever want to set up a secret meeting, remember to send notes instead of telling messengers to send ponies somewhere. You never know who’s listening.”

“What does this have to do with anything?” Twilight asked, curious.

“Nothing. Just something random I said. Oops, we’re on hard terrain! Better hold on!” Raegdan started bouncing her up and down, half jumping as he walked, making Twilight giggle in excitement and joy, her brief foray into Hearts and Hooves day disappointment already forgotten.

A colt noticed something shining near the dumpsters. He approached to inspect, and found treasure beyond his wildest dreams.

“Hey, guys! Come see this!”

“Gosh! Are those weapons? Who threw them?”

“I want the spear!”

“I’ll take that knife.”

“It’s called a dagger, dummy.”

“Hey, another spear!”

“What is this? Hey, there is something filled with tiny spears in here.”

“What should we do with these?”

The gang of easily excited colts only had to think for a second.

“Let’s play war!”

Celestia meant to examine the document carefully, but she stopped as soon as she read the first few sentences. “Paisley, why exactly are we being sued? Is this about Cadance and Shining Armor again? I thought we came to an settlement with the restaurant.”

“No Princess, but if you keep reading you will see that these parents do have a point, you have to admit. All these weapons the colts used did have the castle’s mark,” her majordomo said without turning away from his own pile of work.

“Weapons? Colts?” Celestia’s eyes searched for the appropriate paragraph. “Three spears, three daggers, one axe, and… one bow…”

“Luckily there was no real damage, and-”

“RAEGDAN!”

It waps long into the night

Celestia crept into the room as quietly as possible, even as she cast silence spells as soon as she entered. She still stepped lightly on the thick carpets as she made her way to the bed. She stood over it for a while, drinking in the sight like a pony left in the desert would do with water.

Twilight had one of her pillows in between her legs, hugging it as she slept, resting her head on it. There was a small stain on the pillow, right underneath her mouth. Celestia’s magic picked a soft handkerchief and wiped the drool from her muzzle before gently guiding her mouth close.

A long breath in, a slow breath out, her tiny body barely moving. Celestia watched, smiling, feeling like she was the one who was getting the real rest and not the little filly on the bed. She lifted the blankets a little higher, and placed a soft kiss over Twilight’s brow.

Little Spike was sleeping in his own bed right next to her. That small, adorable basket of his. Celestia spotted a small shiny fragment and picked up the remains of the gem. Spike might be able to chew many hard gems, but his scales were not hard enough yet to stop him from scratching himself on them.

She threw away the crumbs of the baby dragon’s night snack, making a note to speak to him about this fattening habit of his. Celestia carefully wrapped him back in his blanket, making sure to tuck the blanket under his tail so he wouldn’t kick it off as easily. Job done, and with Spike ready to continue his dreams much warmer, she kissed his little head as well.

The little dragon slightly moved in his sleep, mumbling something that started with an -m. Celestia’s heart felt like breaking at the pressure of trying to contain the love she had for these two children.

She moved back to the door, unable to stop herself from stealing glances at her wards. She took one last long look at their peaceful faces, rearranged the silence spells to block them from hearing any sounds coming from the outside, and walked out.

One of Raegdan’s eyes flicked open as the door opened, only to close when he saw it was her again. Then he continued his sleep as he half laid on the cold corridor floor, his back supported by the wall next to Twilight and Spike’s door.

Celestia ignored him for now. Her golden magic seeked out the object that she hid at the corner of the corridor, out of Raegdan’s sight. A long, thick branch, with many smaller ones jutting out of it, all of them with their leaves still fresh and hanging on them. It levitated towards her like a small tree flying on a golden cloud.

She had made use of a sturdy piece of cord she had found to get around Raegdan’s magic immunity and nullification. As useful as it had proved, more often than not it was more trouble than it was worth. Like now. If she didn’t do like she did now she would have turned every tree in her gardens into naked stumps by the need to replace her stick with each strike.

The loop went around her fetlock and she tightened it a little so she could have a firm grip. This would do. In her experience, full branches like that didn’t hurt as much as a single long one, but it was the best way to get her point across the target of her ire. He wouldn’t mind getting pelted with rocks, but the more of them she used the better he would understand she disapproved. Words after all rarely stuck unless they underwent the physical stage first.

Everytime she tried to tell him off without using violence he would act like it didn’t matter since there was no punishment. Honestly, it was more like she owned a dog sometimes.

Now it was time to rub his face into the carpet where he did his dirty business. She flexed her hoof.

The leaf-covered branch swished through the air with the sound of a tree in a tornado’s path.

“You crazy mare, what the hell are you doing now?”

“Me? Me? What am ‘I’ doing? You! Safety! Hazard!” she shouted, enunciating each word by bringing forested wrath upon his sorry back. She had to be careful after all to not really, actually hurt him. Last thing she wanted was to put his eye out. “You dropped your stupid weapons out on the street!”

“So, ow, what? Look, I didn’t want -for heaven’s sake, stop- Twilight to see them!” He cowered against the wall, bringing up his leg to protect himself before she started doing upwards swings.

“Kids found them! They could have gotten hurt!” Wap, wap, wapwapwapwapwap!

“Okay, okay, fine! I’m sorry, alright? They didn’t get hurt anyway, did they?”

Celestia stopped, her face flushed red from the exertion. Raegdan’s was pretty much as red as hers was, but not because he was getting tired nor because he felt ashamed. She took a deep breath, and said, as peacefully as she could.

“I believe I have failed to make my point and meaning clear. Let me try again.”

Wapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwap…

Twilight only wasted a second peeking through the door before closing the door again and getting back to her warm bed.

Spike barely opened his eyes as he felt his big sister climbing into the bed. “I thought you wanted to get to the library early,” Spike said, pulling the blanket tighter around him.

“They’re having an argument outside,” Twilight simply said. She hugged mister pillow again, not feeling any real disappointment that her morning library session would be delayed a little.

Spike sniffed the air. “Oh. That’s why I smelled sap. Who’s winning?”

“Who do you think?

“...And you will then explain yourself to Cadance! The poor girl can’t take much more of your perverted joke. Her eye trembling is almost a tic now!”

“You were in it! You bloody, damned cow of a mare, you were laughing your fat ass off just days ago when she last-”

Wapwapwapwapwap.

“Just because you corrupted me doesn’t mean that your responsibility is lessened. Also, taking responsibility of my own fault is part of your punishment.”

“Isn’t that fucking convenient-”

Wapwapwapwapwap.

Raegdan spit out a few leaves. “Fucking hell, fine! I’ll do-”

Cadance appeared around the corner. “Aunt Celestia? Raegdan? what are you doing?”

Celestia balked for a moment, and Raegdan grabbed the chance. “Well, after a while the vanilla stuff gets boring, so you have to start getting kinky, so she’s punishing me like the bad boy that I-”

A last few blue magic sparks faded from the space that Cadance occupied just a second ago. Celestia straightened her ears, and right on cue, she could hear her niece’s wails of terror and utter regret.

“I’ll tell her the truth after breakfast. Are we done now?" Raegdan spat.

Wapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwapwap…

It's all in the fetlock.

“Stop running! You bucking promised me!”

“I lied! Big fucking surprise!”

Celestia jumped over the chair that Raegdan threw in her way, and then hopped a second time to avoid the poor guard that followed, losing another precious second to make sure that this pony also landed without breaking his neck.

Considering she had four legs and a set of wings, she would have thought it would be easy to catch up to him. But no, Raegdan kept going through the narrowest, most twisty corridors he could find where he had the edge by being able to turn sharper and accelerate faster. Every now and then he would cut through various rooms, jumping or sliding over tables and furniture with outstanding tenacity, even if he slipped a couple of times and landed on his nose. He’d just get up and keep running without missing a beat, apart from a short exclamation of pain.

“You promised me!” Celestia shouted, insisting on that particular point. Dear heavens, what kind of endurance did he have? It felt like he would never get tired.

“You were beating me with a tree! It was a promise made under duress!” A maid opened a door on Raegdan’s path, the blonde maned mare curious to see what the commotion was about. She immediately became a short part of the chase as Raegdan made use of her. “Catch!”

Celestia did so, whispering a hurried apology to the surprised maid as her magic deposited her on the floor again after her short flight. “You can’t run forever!” Celestia did her best to keep him talking. Anything that could shorten his breath and this chase.

“I know, I plan to hide once I lose you,” Raegdan said, a moment before he crashed through a door, kicking it open with the aid of a small jump as to not lose his momentum. Celestia was right behind him, and she heard him laugh to himself.

Raegdan cut to the left, and headed for the window that led outside. It was a thin one, almost a slit on the wall rather than a proper window, but Raegdan made it through by twisting sideways.

“Let’s see your fat ass making it through here,” he crowed, and he was out before the small fireball that Celestia almost unconsciously casted at these words was able to reach him.

She reached the window just as the thump of Raegdan’s bad landing reached her ears. She saw him dizzily stand back up and shake his head, trying and failing to stumble in a straight line. He resembled a drunk bee on his walk. Apparently, sticking a landing on his legs was impossible even for him when jumping through a window sideways and shoulder first. Celestia made a half-hearted attempt to squeeze through. She might have been able to fit her shoulders and chest, but Raegdan was right in his thinking in one way. This was not a way she wanted to get stuck.

There were kinks about this sort of thing for Sun’s sake!

She lit her horn, mainly gathering her magic, undecided yet on what spell to use. Should she magically try to enlarge the window, shrink herself, or just blow a hole in the wall? She had to make her choice quick. Raegdan had regained his senses and he was running for the hills while she wasted time trying to choose a spell—

Celestia wasted a few more moments to facehoof herself. She couldn’t believe she had been so stupid. She sighed in derision and disappointment for her mental faculties. She had let Raegdan annoy her to the decree where she wasn’t thinking straight, just like the canny biped meant to. Well, no more of playing right into his hands.

Her magic focused, and her target chosen, she teleported in front of Raegdan as he ran.

That’s when she played right into his hands. Or more accurately, his forearm.

The damned biped must have been waiting for the moment that she would remember to teleport herself instead of running after him. There was the glint of an evil, self-satisfied smile the second before he put his right arm straight to the side, leaned his direction more to the left as he centered on his target, and then his muscled arm knocked into her throat with all his built speed.

This was the third time he had pulled this move on her in all the time he lived with her, and Celestia had enough. She coughed her tongue out of her throat, while her hated enemy was running away and throwing victory signs all around him. She glared at his back with enough intensity that if he wasn’t immune to magic he would have burst into flames.

“Fat hawk down, I repeat, fat hawk down,” Raegdan sing-songed as he made his way away from her and towards his perceived freedom. That was the final straw for Celestia. No more nice Princess.

She gathered her magic. She chose her target, this time not in front of Raegdan. She cast the spell. She teleported. And she made very certain that she didn’t spread her wings.

A perfectly proportioned, according to her height and size, Princess fell from the sky and right on Raegdan’s unsuspecting head and back. Hooves first.

Celestia checked Raegdan’s breathing. She had been doing that quite often. He didn’t make any noise while asleep, and snoring had always been out of the question. Unless he was drunk, then all that repressed gutter noise came flowing out. She shook him again, almost hard enough to rock him off the couch.

His eyes fluttered, and then were open in an instant, only to narrow as he winced at the pain he became conscious to. “Oh, fuck. W- Where am I?” he croaked.

“My office,” Celestia replied, leaning a little to clear his field of vision and see where he was. She saw him taking in her desk, her comfortable chairs and couches where she entertained the few visitors she had in here, her locked door, and her equally locked and barricaded windows.

He prodded his head, that Celestia had good reason to suspect was extremely tender at the moment. “Why does my head feel like a mountain range?”

“Well, after I got you, I had to bring you here, didn’t I? I dragged you all the way from the gardens, taking the long way around. You know, the one with the most stairs. By the way, your pants ripped. The Guard has filed a report for indecent exposure.”

Raegdan made an attempt to half-sit, and his hand went to his side, where Celestia was certain his ribs throbbed with pain. “Gah, did you drop me or something?”

“No. I just allowed those ponies you were throwing in my way, to visit you while you were asleep. Some of them were very enthusiastic in paying you back for playing catch with them,” Celestia confessed.

“Great, and I don’t even know who they were,” Raegdan grumbled.

“Hence why I let them have their fun while you were unconscious.” Celestia directed a stern look at him, straightening up in her most imposing ‘Princess of Equestria’ stance that Raegdan completely ignored. “Now, are you gonna behave?”

“For wh— Oh crap, Cadance!” Raegdan threw away the thin cover Celestia had put over him and stood up. “I’m out—”

There was a Technique that Celestia had learned in her early days, before she was a Princess or anything more other than a simple wandering pony. She was tall and pretty, and quite often lacking in funds. Some ponies saw it as a reason to offer her a way to make some money by giving herself to them. Others simply thought she didn’t really have a choice on the matter and considered themselves generous and good because they were willing to pay at the end. Others, some of the worst, thought she had no choice against them, period.

The absolute worst were those who targeted her little sister.

Her answer had always been no. If they weren’t welcome to her refusal, then she employed The Technique against them. A Technique that in some way or another had remained useful even after she became Royalty, though she hadn’t made use of it for centuries now.

Unfortunately, that meant that she was rusty in employing it and had forgotten exactly how much force was advised. A secondary implication was that she didn’t wear her metal shoes that far back.

As soon as Raegdan was up she executed The Technique.

Her steel shoe, covered with a thin film of gold, connected solidly with his groin, pushing the tender tissue so far back into his body that for a single, tearful moment, Raegdan had more in common with the females of his species that he ever would without employing very invasive surgeries. Celestia’s strength still drove her hoof forward, muscles and genitals proving themselves paltry foes, and easily crushed and bruised beneath her steel march.

Raegdan’s body doubled in two as he exhaled violently, and his eyes had gotten so wide that Celestia feared she would have to help him pick them up off her floor. Bubbling saliva leaked out of his lips, and as the assault on his procreator mechanisms unfolded, bile and stomach acids burst out as the same time as his tear ducts let loose.

Celestia’s hoof retreated, her assault taking no more than the span of a second or two. If somepony had good enough hearing and paid attention, they would hear the double pop as testicles rushed back to where they rightly belonged. Raegdan landed on his knees with a thud, his eyes rolled so far back that only white showed, interspaced with the vivid red of burst blood veins.

He shuddered as he pulled in a breath, his chest filling like that of a pony escaping drowning, and it took all of that volume of air to utter a single sentence, spoken with the voice of a shrill, eight year old filly.

“...you bitch…”

Then he fell to the side, clutching himself and quivering as if electricity was flowing through him. Celestia was almost, almost sure, that he was crying, but the way he pushed his face into her carpet it was hard to tell. A wave of guilt overtook Celestia for a moment but she drowned it out by summoning her niece’s tormented expression in mind. This was for Cadance, and only very limitedly for herself.

“Are you going to behave now?”

He grunted a guttural noise, which in Raegdan-speak probably meant ‘yes, until you look away’. Good enough. She didn’t mean to take her eyes off him either way. She waited a minute for him to stand up. He didn’t.

There was a knock on the door, and Celestia used her magic to unlock it, opening it just a breath to let her guest know it was fine to walk in. It was Cadance, right as she expected. Her niece looked at the form of Raegdan, still curling on the floor, and raised an eyebrow in question.

“Hello, Cadance. Raegdan, Cadance is here. Won’t you get up and say hi?” Celestia prodded him.

Raegdan reached for the couch with a shaking hand, and using it as leverage slowly made his way to his knees, stopping every few seconds to take a few breaths, cough savagely enough to make Celestia and Cadance worry about the state of his lungs, or just groan and stare vacantly while sweating up a flood.

It took him a couple of minutes, but he managed to stand up, refusing Celestia’s help when she offered it. He paused for a few seconds again, breathing deeply, and then turned around to greet Cadance.

Cadance screamed and covered her eyes.

Right, right, Celestia thought. I forgot about his ripped pants.

Cadance, still covering her eyes and turning her flaming red head to the side for good measure, pointed vaguely at Raegdan’s direction, shaking her hoof, and almost screamed, “Why, in the name of all that is holy, is… everything on display?”

Celestia was right on her niece’s side. “Cadance, I’m sorry, that was an accident. We brought you here for a reason, but, ehm, you know—”

“Your aunt is insatiable,” Raegdan said.

The pink Alicorn’s throat convulsed, and Cadance made an undulating sound with an actual toad’s croak at the very end. Cadance stumbled for a second, and made a half-hearted turn to leave.

“Cadance, wait.” One of Celestia’s wings reached for the nauseated Alicorn, stopping her. “Don’t mind him. There is something we need to tell you.”

“Fine,” Cadance said, her eyes squeezed shut. “Just tell me what it is so I can leave and open my eyes without fear.”

“Well—”

Raegdan interrupted her, insistent on making this as hard as possible for everypony involved. “How would you like to be your aunt’s bridesmaid?”

“What?” both Alicorns said.

“We haven’t got a date set up, so we will go ahead when you’re ready…” Raegdan continued, not noticing what Celestia did.

It was why he kept pushing the joke on Cadance’s expense, and why it had turned cruel. He didn’t notice that moment of pure despair and self-loathing that crossed over Cadance’s face. The instant where Cadance thought to herself how horrible this could go if it was true. How it was all the fault of her prank, and even worse how her own talent and function could make wrong of something she believed to be pure and untainted. It all hit her every time, worse with every repeat, and only lately had Celestia realized it. But Raegdan did not.

So Celestia used her magic to open the door and kicked him out, following quickly behind him before he could say any more.

“We’ll be rightbackCadance,don’tworryaboutthis!”

Raegdan was still stumbling as he fought to regain his balance, and Celestia didn’t let him do so. As soon as her magic closed the door and put a silencing spell over it, she pushed Raegdan against the wall, and almost snorted on his face. She rarely got really angry with him, but this was one of these times.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Raegdan returned her angry stare in equal measure. “I think we should just let things lie as they are.”

Celestia knocked him lightly on the forehead, making his head bounce on the wall. “Are you crazy? Why would we do that?”

Raegdan huffed, looking at her as if she was an idiot. “Look, what do you think will happen after we tell her? I’ll tell you. She’ll be relieved and think everything is fine, just like you want. But what is going to happen next? She’s the freaking ‘Alicorn of love’. She’ll start feeling guilty after everything is fine. Oh, maybe I should have been more supportive, or some other emotional crap.”

Celestia had to admit that he might have had a point so far.

“And then?” he continued. “Then she will try to make up for it!” he hissed, sounding scared at the prospect. “She’ll start looking for potential… mates or, even worse, she’ll try to get us together for real to make up for her ‘behavior’. Look, you’ve no idea of the crap I said to her in order to get her to give Shining Armor a chance. I’m fucked. She thinks I’m fucking lonely!”

“Raegdan.” Celestia waited for him to calm down and focus his attention to her. “Raegdan, we are hurting her.”

“...What?”

“It’s not all fun and jokes. Cadance really thinks she screwed up, and all you’re doing is making her blame herself for something that she thinks is going to go very wrong. Cadance is suffering, Raegdan. What are you going to do?”

Raegdan pouted. “I’ll suffer too when it’s all over.”

“Raegdan.” Celestia just kept her stare on him, a somber and trustful expression on her face.

He resisted for a few more seconds. “Fine!” he spat. “Whatever. It was getting old anyway.” He pushed her, carefully, away from him and headed back into the office.

Cadance was still waiting where they left her, almost trembling in anticipation of what she believed would be terrible news. Raegdan went down on his knee in front of her, getting down to her height.

“Okay, Cadance? I have something to confess,” he started, which for some reason made Celestia’s niece look even more worried. “Celestia and I are not a thing. We’re not doing anything together, we’re not getting married, and we’re certainly not romping everywhere in the castle. I, uh… I had figured out your joke and turned it back to you. I just… kept it up a couple of days more than I should.”

Cadance looked thunderstruck. “It’s been over six months since then,” she said in a daze.

Raegdan winced. “Yeah. Sorry about that. It was just a joke. I should have stopped it sooner. I’m sorry.” He stood up. “Are you okay? Forgive me?”

“...I, I… Forgive you? Gosh, you… you… six months...”

“Yeah, but it was funny?” Raegdan attempted.

Cadance let out a choked bleat of laughter. Then another. “Yeah, I… guess it was funny looking back.”

Raegdan beamed at Celestia.

Cadance laid a leg on Raegdan’s chest, as high as she could reach, smiling up on him. “And I know how hard it is for you to do something like this. I appreciate it, really, I do. I know that you would care for so few, and that you didn’t mean it in any malice towards me.” Cadance sighed, her head cast to the floor, making Raegdan wince as he saw physical evidence of how he hurt her. “But it was Tartarus on me, Raegdan. I thought that… I thought…” She sniffed, and wiped her nose. “Anyway. Can I forgive you? Yes. Yes, I think I can.”

Raegdan smiled in relief.

And Cadance employed the frontal attack version of The Technique perfectly, making Celestia proud in her abilities as a teacher.

“Forgiven. I’m going to see Twilight. And cover yourself, for heaven’s sake!” Cadance left Celestia’s office and Raegdan wheezing on the floor, biting his lips hard enough to draw blood.

“Well, Raegdan, all in all, good job. And hey, now I know for certain that Cadance knows how to pull off that move. You can’t buy this kind of assurance.”

“Fffffffffffffffffffff….”

“Do you need help getting up?”

“Uuuuuuuuuu….”

“Alright. I’ll be next door,” Celestia said, opening the door. “It’s time for Twilight’s lessons. Hmm, maybe I should teach her The Technique as well?”

Raegdan found the strength to lift his head. “Celestia… Don’t you dare… don’t you fucking dare… Celestia… Celestia!”

She closed the door behind her.

“Oh heavens, no,” she heard him whimper.

Celestia didn’t mind. Why, as soon as the pain faded away, and he realized that was a weapon in Twilight’s arsenal to keep touchy stallions away from her —which was exactly how she planned to pitch the idea to him later on— he might even offer pointers.

Or even his services as a training dummy.

Hmmm, Celestia pondered. I should probably find some kind of cup for him.

Or not. How hard could Twilight hit anyway?

We are having a talk

“Hey, Twily! I’ve missed you!” Shining Armor ran in the room to hug his little, thirteen year old sister. As soon as Twilight heard him, she gave a cute little squeak, and jumped down her bed for a hug.

“Shiny! I can’t believe you are here. You almost never come to visit.” Twilight said after a short nuzzle. Shining Armor gave his sister a thorough up and down examination, the way he always did, and smiled. Twilight was looking great! Smiling, relaxed, and generally happy and content.

“Yeah, I know. Sorry about that. Schoolwork, you know. I wasn’t planning on coming by, but mom and dad wanted me to deliver a letter,” Shining Armor explained.

“Really?” Twilight asked puzzled. “They couldn’t tell me themselves? I was home just yesterday.”

Shining Armor chuckled. “Sorry, Twily. The letter’s not for you.”

“Huh? Who is it for then? Princess Celestia? Did I do something wr- ooh!” Shining Armor turned his head to what his young sister was looking at.

Raegdan had taken a seat on a tall stool in the corner of the room. He held the opened letter and was currently turning it around, scrutinizing it carefully from all sides. Including holding it upside down, or turning it against the light. The spectacle made Shining Armor a little wary about something.

“Uh, Twily?” he whispered at his sister’s ear, “Raegdan knows how to read, right?”

“Huh? Oh, yes, he needs some help with a word or two sometimes but… Raegdan, what are you doing?” Raegdan had opened up the envelope the letter came in and was in the process of carefully ripping it apart so he could spread it open.

“Searching,” he answered absently.

“Searching for what?” Shining Armor made a couple of steps towards him. Raegdan had left the letter open and even though it was pointed the opposite way he might be able to make out a few words. He was infernally curious what his parents wanted to write to Raegdan abo-

Raegdan noticed what Shining Armor was trying to do. He crumpled up the letter and shoved it into one of his trousers’ pockets. Shining Armor was pretty jealous of those sometimes. It would be so nice if he had a way to carry small items without lugging saddlebags or pouches around.

“Your parents must have put a secret message in here. Because if they haven’t they either hate all of us or have the cruelest sense of humor I’ve ever seen.” Raegdan put the envelope paper through the same examination, tossing it with force in the wastebasket when it failed to reveal anything.

“Can you tell us what mom and dad want or is it a secret?” Twilight asked. If she didn’t ask, Shining would have.

Raegdan looked at them, scratching the back of his short mane. Shining didn’t like that look. It was a combination of sourness and embarrassment. What were his parents up to?

“Oh, I am going to tell you, and you will hate me for it. Just give me a second.” He got up and went to the door, removing the key from one of his handy pockets. He locked the door -Shining Armor really did not like this- and went back to his seat.

Raegdan gave a single clap with his hands as a call to order. “Alright! Now,” he said soothingly, “there is no need to panic. Everyone goes through something like this at one point in his life, I guess. Our case is no different.” Raegdan was waving his hands slowly, as if urging them not to worry. It was working pretty effectively on Twilight. Not so much on Shining himself.

“The important thing is that we are all in this together. We can do this. We will do this. And after we are done I am going to visit your parents and string them up by their nostrils. You can both come along, and after I have them up maybe we can make a game out of hitting them with sticks as they hang.” Oh Celestia, what was in that letter?

“What exactly are we doing?” Twilight asked innocently. Raegdan’s cursory threat to their parents didn’t faze her and neither did Shining. Raegdan didn’t follow through on them, at least not in their cases. It was the fact that he felt the need to make it that brought Shining on edge.

“According to the letter your parents sent me? I am giving you the talk.”

Shining Armor rushed for the door. Maybe he could knock it down.

“Don’t you dare, you big sissy. I am not going through this on my own! You will share my pain. Besides, your parents included you in this. I’m giving the talk to both of you.” Raegdan held Shining Armor from one of his hind legs, denying him the sweet freedom the door was… offering… oh, yeah, the crafty biped locked it already.

Horseapples.

“I already know about all of it, you can let me go!” Shining Armor pleaded with the merciless alien as he scratched the floor with his front hooves.

“You are getting the official version this time. Stop crawling on your belly like a worm and stand up!”

The forgotten filly gave pause to them just as Shining Armor had squirmed around and was about to bite Raegdan’s arm. “Excuse me, what is this talk about?”

Raegdan dropped Shining back on the floor, where he flopped for a bit. “Sexual education,” he sighed with a hand covering his eyes in shame.

“Oh. OH!” Twilight blushed as if she was on fire. “Am I not a little too… young for this?”

“According your parents,” Raegdan growled while shaking the crumpled document in his clenched fist, “you are mature enough. Sorry, little one. My hands are tied. It’s part of the deal. I have to follow through on any decision they make about your upbringing, no matter what.”

“Why am I included in this?” Shining whined.

“...Did you do anything that might have pissed either of your parents lately?” Raegdan speculated.

Shining Armor let his face taste the floor as he thought about his attempt to give his parent’s alcohol cabinet a little taste. He just wanted to know what all the fuss was about…

“Do you even know enough about… ponies’ reproduction to lecture us on this?” Twilight asked. Shining Armor felt his heart swell with hope. His sister, his amazing, brilliant sister, was going to get him out of this!

Raegdan shrugged. “The basics are the same. Yeah, I can get you through this with… oh.”

“What?” Shining Armor asked.

Raegdan scratched at his neck as he thought. “I just realized I don’t know a whole lot about the mare’s… what’s the word, I know it, I know I do…” Shining Armor was filled with dread. “Oh yes, the mare’s erogenous zones.” Oh dear Celestia, no, no, no, no, this was worse!

Shining Armor only gave a glance at his sister to confirm that she was still apple red before throwing his face back to the embrace of his loving friend. He never wanted to leave the floor’s cool surface, at least not until this was over.

“I know how to fix this,” Raegdan said. Shining Armor felt his hands go around him and before he knew what was happening, he was draped across Raegdan’s shoulders and behind his neck.

“I can walk, you know,” Shining complained as Raegdan unlocked the door and walked out. Shining noticed Twilight trot behind them obediently.

“I’m not falling for that. You are not running away on my watch.”

Curses!

Raegdan didn’t let go of Shining Armor until they reached their destination. The first time he ever entered Princess Celestia’s private chambers and he did so in the manner of a sack of potatoes. “Yay, for my dignity…” he thought.

“Twilight, Shining Armor, Raegdan, welcome!” Princess Celestia greeted them, resplendent as always, with a genuine smile on her lips. “To what do I owe this late hour pleasure?” Maybe the smile was not as genuine as he thought. It was a bit late in the evening.

Raegdan pulled out the letter and passed it to Princess Celestia. Shining Armor watched as she fussed for a time, trying to straighten the creased paper back into something readable.

When she was done she spared a look of pity for Raegdan and Shining Armor. Then she looked at Twilight, who had taken down one of Celestia’s books and was reading it, with deep concern.

“I am not sure if you are the best person for this…” Princess Celestia said reluctantly.

“That’s why I came here.” Raegdan answered.

Princess Celestia’s eyes widened in alarm. “I- uh, you want me to tell them-”

Raegdan patted Celestia’s cheek. “No, it’s my job. I’m doing it. I just need some help.”

Princess Celestia exhaled in relief. “I’ll be glad to help anyway I can. I suppose you need some books, covering the subject. I’ll have an aide find the-”

Raegdan cut her off. “No, that’s not why we came to you. I just thought that if I am doing this I should do it right. I thought you, as an Alicorn, could help me pinpoint the erogenous areas for all three tribes-”

“-what?-”

“-and if you don’t mind, we could do a little show and tell-”

Princess Celestia blinked out of existence.

Shining Armor wanted that spell, and he wanted it right now. Twilight was pulling his hoof from his side, her coloring the most intense red Shining ever saw on her.

“Shiny?” she whispered at his ear when he bent down, “I don’t want to do this anymore…”

Raegdan had been staring at the empty space left behind by Princess Celestia, but he was still obviously paying enough attention to his surroundings. “Tough luck, little one. This is happening.” He kept his attention on the vacant floor, his expression surly.

After almost a minute passed in silence, Shining Armor felt compelled to ask. “Uh, are we… just gonna stay here?”

“Since the coward is not coming back… You kids wait for me outside. I’ll be with you in a minute. Do not try to run!”

“Uh… why are we waiting outside?” Shining Armor asked.

“I’m going to find Celestia’s bed,” Raegdan explained, “and commit atrocities to it.”

Twilight ran around, trying to stack up the books left behind by Raegdan in a sensible order. It was a hard thing to manage, Shining felt, with her eyes closed. He understood her reasoning well enough however. Some of those titles…

“No.” A book was thrown on the floor. “No!” another book joined it. “I could draw a better di- uh, drawing in my sleep.” He flipped open another book and skimmed through it. “This one will just give you wrong expectations. These sizes don’t exist.”

“Can’t we just pick one of those books and be done with it?” Shining Armor pleaded. Twilight peeked at the title of the last one Raegdan dropped and emphatically shaked her head in denial.

“No! I promised your parents to do as they say and I will. I’m not risking my privileges just because you are chicken.” Raegdan shoved the book he was holding back into place, upside down. “I’ve seen magazines less graphic than this one.”

“The library is useless. Let’s go find something else,” he said in exasperation.

“Cadence!” Twilight cried out cheerfully.

“Hello, Twilight. You are up a little late. Raegdan, why are you two running around at this hour?” Princess Cadence asked.

Shining Armor answered before Raegdan had the chance to tell the whole truth. “We are just… uh… trying to finish up a particular study session that we were tasked with.”

“Oh. Anything I can help with?” she asked brightly.

Shining Armor spent a mere second to ran his gaze over Cadance. Her long legs, her lithe form, her pristine, delicate wings, her fl-

Raegdan knew how Shining Armor felt about Twilight’s more responsible babysitter and playmate. He wouldn’t… he turned to Raegdan -who was also looking at Shining- and very clearly mouthed “no!” to him.

Raegdan nodded. He bent down to Shining’s ear. “If we tell her what we are doing she might even volunteer. She is too young. Run, Shining, run like the wind!” He quickly grabbed Twilight and sprinted down the hall.

“Thank you, Cadence, but we can dothisonourown! Bye!” Shining Armor cried as he ran right behind Raegdan’s heels.

“You freaking cowards! Guards are supposed to be brave! Come back here and show off your genitals!” Raegdan shouted after the two forms that were vanishing in the distance.

“I’m sorry, mr. Raegdan, but the Princess has not notified me of her destination or her expected time of return. Would you like to leave a message for her with me?” The old majordomo said.

“I’ve told you a thousand times, it’s just Raegdan, Paisley.” Raegdan sighed. “Just let me know if she is back, ok?”

“Certainly. May I ask what you need of our Princess?”

Raegdan narrowed his eyes at the elderly stallion. “I could give you a heart attack with a sentence…” he whispered.

“Pardon? I didn’t quite catch that mr.-”

“Nothing. Let’s go kids.”

“Damn. Those two spread word around.” Raegdan threw the rope he was holding in disgust. “This is not gonna work now. Ok, I’ll figure out something else. The place is full of guards.”

Shining Armor and Twilight watched as Raegdan’s pencil stood still on the paper he was holding. Twilight had almost fallen asleep on her hooves. “Are you going to draw anything?” Shining asked tired.

“I… am reluctant to actually sketch something like this. It’s weird and-”

“You are not sure, are you?” Shining said.

“Nope.” Raegdan got up from the table and headed for the door. “The guards might have relaxed by now. I’m gonna go make another grab for them. Wait here.”

Shining Armor heard a pony yell as Raegdan exited Twilight’s room. “He is on the move again! Everypony hide!”

Shining Armor felt something shaking him awake. He opened his eyes to see Raegdan standing over him, hair and clothes slightly singed and smelling of smoke. He shook Twilight awake after Shining was up, much more gently than he did Shining Armor.

“What happened to you?” Twilight asked as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

“Celestia came back. She managed to make a run for it again,” he answered as he took a seat on the bed.

Shining looked out the window. It was late at night. He should have been home by now. “Are we giving up then? I want to go home.”

“Nope. I pulled through, just like I told you both I would.” Raegdan said with fake cheer.

Raegdan pulled two magazines from underneath his shirt. Shining sputtered when he saw the titles and the covers. Twilight covered her eyes with a sigh.

“Mrs Candy Cane of Playmare and mr. Rampant Stud of Playstallion will be aiding in your education today.” Raegdan laid down the magazines so they could get a good look. “First lesson of life; I stole both of those from the male section of the barracks.”

Twilight gave a very quick peek at the Playmare issue in front of her. Shining Armor himself was giving his everything to keep his stare straight ahead.

“Raegdan?” Twilight begged his attention.

“Yes, little one?”

Twilight pointed with one little hoof at the magazine in front of her while keeping both eyes firmly shut. “What does “anal issue” mean?”

It was almost time for dawn when Shining Armor returned to his home. He wondered if Princess Celestia felt it was safe for her to return to her castle yet. His parents were waiting in the living room, snickering as he made his way in.

“How did it go?” his mother asked.

“Was it… informative?” his dad queried.

“I hate you both,” he informed them as he went past them and towards the bedrooms. He left them howling with laughter behind him.

He didn’t go for his room. Raegdan had given him a jar containing horrible colored liquids. He didn’t ask what it was filled with. The fact that Raegdan visited the public restrooms to fill it up was enough. If somepony asked, he was just following orders. He emptied it on their bed, under the covers.

“Raegdan was right,” he thought as he lay in the warmth of his own bed. “Revenge is sweet.” He relished his parents disgusted screams.

Twilight Velvet; Mother

Twilight Velvet switched sides as she lied on her bed, for the thirtieth time in the last hour. She was trying to sleep for hours now, and was making a grand mess of it. She pushed her muzzle off her pillow and looked out the open window. All she could see was darkness with a small hint of brick wall, the view of choice for average income families all around. Brick Incorporated; giving you something to count on those sleepless nights.

She glanced at her husband over her shoulder as he peacefully snored on, uncaring of the trouble his wife had. It wasn’t his fault, but Velvet couldn’t help but feel a little peeved that he seemed to take everything in stride so easy. Would it kill him to be a little more involved in the process of worrying about their children? It was one of the most defining parts of being a parent and his easy going nature refused to participate. Where was the outrage and night pacing of an overprotective father? Certainly not in that noggin. She had to fill that role herself most of the time. This was how split personalities were made.

The cause of her private, worried night thrashing, was sleeping downstairs, having taken over her couch in the living room. The creature.

Princess Celestia had assured them that it was safe, and all it cared about was her daughter’s safety. Velvet believed the Princess -how could she not- but she had two children in the house. If there was even an imperceptible chance that the creature might hurt them somehow, well... it was a mother’s prerogative to worry about these things, wasn’t it?

Maybe she didn’t trust the Princess as much as she thought. Twilight was foalnapped right under her muzzle, at what should be the most secure place possible. Velvet believed she might be a little angry with her monarch too. She’d be a lot more vocal about it if Twilight wasn’t returned before Velvet even had the chance to find out what had happened. Thank the heavens for that creature being there! She didn’t know the penalty for assaulting royalty and hopefully never would now.

Velvet bit her lower lip as she considered how rude she treated the creature in her thoughts. She was grateful to it-him, she needed to make a better effort of calling it hi- damn it! Him. Raegdan as i- he called himself. He did save her only daughter after all.

In an extremely vicious and bloody way, mind you. She applauded him highly for that. How dare somepony touch her angel? She had demanded to see the pictures that had been taken and the Princess agreed in the end. Not so much with her request to make enlarged copies.

It wasn’t the first time he bunked downstairs. Velvet turned around again and fussed with the covers, trying to straighten them up. It was the fourth time he slept in her house. He refused to leave her little Sparkle alone, even at her own home. She would call it creepy if she wasn’t secretly glad he did. She would have nightmares of entering her daughter’s room only to find an empty bed for years to come. An extra pair of eyes on her youngest love was appreciated, even if they were his small beady ones. Having a violent carnivore hovering over her daughter felt surprisingly safe considering the alternatives but...

But she knew nothing about i- him, that’s what kept her up. Why he was so set on keeping her daughter safe, most of all. It bothered her. Why Twilight? What did Raegdan find so special about her youngest child? Not that Twilight wasn’t special, she was, her little filly was destined for great things. But… why did the safety of a filly matter to him?

Twilight Velvet gave up on sleep, at least for the short term. Her mind was too hyperactive to shut down. Tea, that’s what she needed. Something warm to soothe her, to lose herself in the simple act of drinking it, and emptying her mind. Carefully, she made her way to the door. Not that it was needed. Night Light was a champion heavy sleeper. She used her magic to pull the heavy covers off him. That would teach him to sleep on while his precious, beautiful wife was still up.

She was going to check up on her children before heading downstairs, but the light that shone up from the stairwell changed her course. Somepony was awake downstairs. She checked all the doors in the hallway, making sure every single one was closed. Not one of her little rascals then. They wouldn’t close a door behind them if their lives depended on it. That left her with only one candidate.

She climbed down the stairs slowly, making sure to step on the edge near the wall rather than the middle, risking a creak.

Velvet went into all that trouble for nothing, much like her attempts at sleep. The crea- Raegdan was looking towards her direction, waiting for whoever made his way downstairs to appear. She gave up on being sneaky and quickly trotted down the rest of the stairs.

“I suppose I shouldn’t have tried to sneak up on you,” she half apologized. Hey, it was her house.

Raegdan leaned his head questioningly to his left. “Sneak?” he asked in his terrible, broken accent.

Right, there were still so many words he didn’t know. She looked at the table in front of the couch he was sitting on. A small, battered dictionary was placed on it. It used to belong to her Twilight, but her little generous angel gifted it to him. He seemed to leaf through it, writing down the translations in his own language, or studying them, whenever he got the chance.

“Sneak; walk quietly, silent,” she explained. Her Twilight must have an amazing time with him. She loved to play teacher and with Raegdan she had an actual student to work with.

He took a moment to think and mouth the word before nodding in understanding. He knocked the wooden table in front of him with his curled fist. “Hooves,” he said. “Do much noise.”

Velvet glanced down at his naked feet. That made sense. Their hoofsteps must sound like thunder compared to his own. Maybe she should invest some time in learning a silencing spell.

He cringed back a little as she came closer. He was very careful in making himself as unthreatening as possible, at least in her home. From what she heard, he wasn’t bothering much with that anywhere else. Translation; not at all. He was holding a picture frame. She climbed on the couch next to him to see what held his interest.

It was a picture of her smiling widely along with her children. Night Light had taken the shot so he wasn’t in it. He told her later that magic from a casting horn might wreck the film. Velvet was absolutely certain he didn’t think of using his magic to take the picture. She was sitting on that very same couch, holding the newborn bundle of joy that was her little Sparkle. Shining Armor was clinging next to her, his little face almost buried in the blanket that wrapped his little sister. Velvet remembered how he had been thoroughly fascinated by his little sister for a long time. He had taken his big brother duties very seriously, her precious colt, and always kept a careful eye on his sibling.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” Velvet asked. Normally she would have retreated back to her room, or ignore him and head to the kitchen. The isolation from any potential interruptions however goaded her on to finally have a conversation with him that lasted more than a sentence or two, even as hard as it would be with his limited vocabulary.

Raegdan returned to studying the picture he held. “Not sleep if not tired much, very, very much.” He made a circular motion with his hand at the side of his head. “Dreams if not very tired.”

She almost snorted as she did her best to keep herself from laughing. The big, scary monster was afraid of nightmares?

Oh Celestia, he did! His face was painfully serious as he kept his eyes on the picture frame. She watched his hands. It was a good thing the frame was made of metal. The way it had pinched into his skin made her believe that wood would have fractured by now.

“Do you have many nightmares?” she asked, slightly concerned now. How often did he sleep if he was waiting until he was ready to fall practically unconscious? That couldn’t be healthy for anypony.

“Nightmares bad dreams, right?” he asked for confirmation.

Velvet nodded but he was still too absorbed by the photo to notice the gesture. “Yes.”

He hesitated. He briefly took his eyes off the frame to glance towards the stairs before answering. “Many times nightmares. Few times… good dreams. All bad.”

Velvet scrunched her face as she thought. Did something get lost in the translation? Did he really mean that he didn’t want to have good dreams either?

She examined him more carefully. He was sitting with his legs open wide, his elbows resting on his knees. He was not wearing clothes over his chest, despite his lack of fur and the low temperature. In fact, his skin looked kind of pale from the cold, making his horrifying injuries stand out even more. Thank Celestia that her little Shining considered them “super cool”, and hadn’t realized the dreary implications of what this stallion had gone through. The skin around his eyes was bruised and dark, a result of his sleepless night obviously, and the small, white orbs themselves had reddened up. The way he kept staring at the picture, almost unblinking, it was natural for this to-

Oh. She saw it now.

“You miss your family, don’t you? That’s why you don’t want to have any dreams. You dream of them.”

Raegdan nodded hesitantly after a very short interval of time to translate her words. “Nightmares nothing. Family, see in dreams… hurts.” He ran a finger over the photo, gently. Velvet kept silent, waiting for him to continue.

“Miss mom, very much.” He carefully placed the picture frame on the table and steepled his fingers under his jaw. “Little one lucky. Shining Armor lucky. They have you.” He sounded sad, so very sad. Velvet scooted closer to him, warming his cold side with her own body.

“It sounds you really loved her,” she observed.

He chuckled with mirth he didn’t have. “Me w- I was… uh… mom’s colt. Stay near, I care for her, she care for me. She really love I. I work, care for her, father, sister, all. Now who care for them? When I left home, mom not know where I am. No one know. She never know now if I live or dead. Never,” he finished sorrowful.

Velvet felt her eyes mist. She never expected… she never thought! Dear Celestia, she was worrying over nothing, her children were home, safe and sound, while this poor colt’s mother and family… She was terrified at the prospect of her daughter just being gone one day after what happened. But his hapless mother was facing that nightmare right now, and, even worse, Raegdan knew that. She stretched to bring her hoof around him in a hug. Velvet felt him going rigid under her touch.

Too bad. Hugs in her domain were non negotiable. If Velvet gave one, you took it and you liked it.

“Listen to a mother, Raegdan. Your mom is worried and hurting,” she said. She felt him tremble and shake. “But deep inside her, she knows you are alive. A mother always knows. What she will be wishing most is that you are safe, even if you can’t go back to her. That’s what will really matter to her.” She tightened her hug. Oh heavens, was this the same person she worried might hurt her children?

Raegdan quickly ran his palms over his eyes. “Hope could tell her that,” he said with a trembling breath. Poor little colt. What could she do? What he really needed was his-

Well, she was one, a damn fine one if she could say so herself, and she could handle this. Mothers stick together, no matter where they are, or what species they are. Can I get a hurrah?

Twilight Velvet jumped off the couch and gently pushed Raegdan to lie back to the couch. He complied easily, wary of even giving the slightest resistance against her. “You should go to sleep. Moms want their children to sleep. Otherwise we worry.”

“Dreams,” he opposed. “Can’t sleep.”

“You wanted to tell your mom that you are safe?” He nodded, watching her intently. “Then, when you dream of her, tell her. Tell her you are alive, tell her you are safe, and most importantly, tell her you love her.” She countered his incredulous look with a small smile. “We have magic here, remember? She might see your dream.”

She took the chance to cover him with a few blankets while he thought of her dubious claim. She had to make sure he fell asleep before she left, otherwise she knew he would be up again as soon as she was out of sight. Colts never change.

She started singing the same lullaby she sang to her foals. Still did to her little Sparkle sometimes.

“Are you-”

She shushed him with her hoof. “Hush now, just close your eyes.” She waited until he obeyed under her strict stare before taking the song up from the start. He was three times her height and could break her like a stick. They both knew who was in charge here. He held out for two seconds.

He was out cold before she even finished. A personal best, but Raegdan was exhausted so she shouldn’t let this count. She looked carefully. Yep, there it was, a little smile, just at the corners of his mouth, but enough for her. She desperately hoped that his mother really could understand in some part that her son was in safe hooves. Nopony really knew all the secrets of magic, not even the Princess. What she told him might even be the truth.

Twilight Velvet owed a debt to Raegdan’s mother. She lost her son, but if she didn’t, Velvet would probably have lost her daughter. Twilight Velvet would pay her back for her sacrifice, even if she never knew.

Twilight Velvet yawned. It was really late, and she needed to wake up early tomorrow. She headed back to her own bed.

She had to prepare breakfast for her husband and her three foals in the morning.

Get up, come on get down with the sickness

The pillar of knowledge trembled, it’s queen wobbling on her perch as the foundations were ready to crumble. Twilight tried to steady herself, but her tower was failing. Her mighty magic rose from her inner depths, attempting to shore up the bedrocks of her power.

The mighty tome of ‘Capricorns: Ambitious individuals or plain jerks?’ might have been enough. Only cruel fate would know, the same one who now ravaged all her plans and dreams. She was betrayed, and she would fall. Betrayed by one she trusted most of all; her own body.

Twilight sneezed.

“‘Choo!”

And thus the mighty fall. Or filly unicorns at the very least.

Raegdan snatched her out of the air as she fell, and tucked her against his chest, turning his back to the book tower she had erected under her in the search of higher shelves of learning as it crumbled over and around them. When the bookstorm was over he carefully looked her over.

“Are you hurt, little one?” he asked, worried.

“I’m fine.” Twilight sniffed, her nose feeling clogged. “I think my nose is running.”

Raegdan cradled her with one arm, uncaring of the librarians who took a look at the most recent noise in their domain, and who then rushed off to nurse their coming headaches and swear in private after witnessing another fine mess they couldn’t reprimand the instigators for. Twilight’s guardian searched his pockets for a handkerchief or a tissue and came up empty.

He held up the end of his shirt, bringing it to her nose. “Come on, blow on this.”

“Ewww! That’s nasty!” Twilight grimaced. She felt the area over her lips dampen and quickly blew her nose with Raegdan’s clothes despite her misgivings.

“I can wash it later. Don’t do that agai-”

“‘Choo!”

A contemplating frown overtook Raegdan’s dripping features. “Little one… When you went to play in the snow with Cadance and little flame yesterday… You were wearing your coat, right?”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Of course!”

She coughed.

The tiny purple filly looked up with guilty eyes. “I might have taken it off for a minute or two.”

“Raegdan!” Twilight yelled, seeking sympathy as she tried to burrow even deeper in her blankets. “I’m theeck!”

“Yeth. I thee that,” Raegdan mocked as he spread another blanket over her.

“Don’t make fun of meeeee…”

“I told you to keep your winter coat on, didn’t I?”

“I got thweaty…”

“Well, I hope it felt good when you cooled down because now you’re going to be sick during all Herpes’ Warming,” Raegdan congratulated her. He put his palm against her forehead and Twilight leaned into it, trying to absorb as much of the heat his naked skin radiated.

“It’th called Hearth’th Warming,” Twilight corrected him, sleepily. “I hope we’re ok in time for presents. I know we have more blanketh, can’t you bring them?”

“Sorry, little one. You’re not the only patient.” Raegdan leaned over the bed next to her and lay his palm over the tiny dragon’s forehead. “How do you feel, little flame?”

“I’m theeck…” Spike whined. He was going to say more, trying to leech as much parental comfort he could to ease his agony, but somepony knocked on the door.

“Try to get some sleep, both of you. You will feel warmer in a minute.” Raegdan said, getting up from the short stool between them.

He opened the door, not surprised at all to find the ruler and owner of the castle. “Hello, Celestia. Want to come in?” he invited her casually.

“Hello, Raegdan. Are Twilight and Spike really sick?” she asked, full of concern.

“Yes.”

“Then no. I’ll stand outside, thank you. Do give my well wishes to Twilight and Spike though.”

“You’re really brave, anyone ever told you that?”

Celestia’s laugh was like crystal rods tinkling against each other. “Bite me, Raegdan. The point is that I simply can’t afford to get sick these days. Which leads me to my other point.”

Raegdan pulled at the neck of his shirt. “That’s weird. I feel like I’m being choked.”

“Velvet would like to have her children at home while they are sick.”

“Ok, sure. Is she coming to get them or do I have-”

Celestia interrupted him by raising a golden shoe. “But she can’t afford to get sick either. The foal care school she works at already has three teachers on sick leave.”

“Then how-”

“Please wait for me to finish. You will be the buffer between them. She’ll prepare their meals and have them close, but the actual care will fall to you.”

“Ok, that’s… Get them all the way there for that? She’s the boss, fine. Anything else?”

“One or two. Or three,” Celestia said, smiling like a shark.

“Raegdan,” Cadance whined, sniffing all the while. “I’m theeck!”

“Not as thick as I am,” Raegdan answered. He closed the large duffel bag with the things he would take for their stay at Twilight’s home, most of them belonging to Twilight and Spike, and rubbed his temples. “I have no idea how or why I keep falling for that crap. How did all of you get sick?” he asked the three ponies standing in a line in disbelief.

Cadance pointed at the bed where Twilight shivered. “I think I got it from Twilight.”

Shining Armor pointed at Cadance. “I got it from Cadanthe.” He was glad Raegdan’s kind didn’t have the ability to shoot fire from their eyes. It sure looked as if he was really trying to be the first to manifest it though. “Thee thneethed on me, we weren’t doing anything we thouldn’t,” he whispered, wary of the close proximity of his baby sister, his cheeks flaming red.

“Hmm.” Raegdan’s skepticism was almost a solid construct. “I’ll half believe that, if only because I’m certain that there really was saliva involved. How about you?” he asked the last pony.

Blueblood pointed at Shining Armor. “I got it from him.”

Raegdan took a step back.

Shining Armor tried to explain himself. “No, we jutht-”

“No!” Raegdan yelled, making a diagonal crossing motion with both hands in front of his chest. “I don’t want to know! I don’t care! I had enough of your romantic adventures! I want to remain ignorant!”

“But we-”

Raegdan’s finger pointed at him like a sword. “You either shut up now or you will have to fend for yourself.”

“I’ll be good,” Shining Armor said, sighing.

“Daaaad,” came the petulant cry of the young and sick from Spike’s bed. “I don’t want to walk. My legs hurt.”

“Mine too,” Twilight joined in.

“It’s alright, little ones. We will figure something out.”

Cadance collapsed over her own things, croaking like a dying animal. “My legth hurt too, and my wingth ath well. I feel awful. I can’t go anywhere! I don’t want to go anywhere! I want to thtay here and die in peathe.”

Raegdan sighed as he picked up everything himself, hanging them by the straps on his frame. “At least your parents don’t live that far,” he said to Shining Armor.

“We have to croth half of Canterlot.”

“I was trying to psych myself up. Thanks for ruining it, I appreciate it. Come on, Cadance, climb on my back and I’ll carry you there.” The pink Alicorn did so, wailing mournfully all the while, and crying for a heavy blanket to cover her. Then Raegdan picked up Spike and Twilight, still wrapped in blankets like cocoons, and held them to his chest.

There were pack animals that carried less. Every single footstep was heavy with the load he was burdened with, and with all those blankets and their occupants he looked like a hairy beast with… growths.

Blueblood tried to be the voice of reason. He elegantly, and very consciously, wiped his nose first. “Maybe we should ask some guards to help or hire some ponies to carry-”

“Heavens, I can almost see their reaction if I did go and ask them for help. I’m tempted to try anyway if only to see if one of them will actually choke himself to death laughing in my face,” Raegdan said through gritted teeth. “Why are you coming with us anyway?”

“It’s either that or my father calls me back home,” Blueblood answered. He turned his head away to cough.

“Fu- Fine. You’re right. Better stick with us.”

The small journey was uneventful though hellish for the three oldest males. The flu had sapped all of Blueblood’s and Shining Armor’s strength, and their whole body ached, nevermind their ravaged throats from their bouts of coughing. Thankfully the streets were pretty much clean of snow.

For Raegdan, it was even worse. Not for the weight, but what the weight was. He probably didn’t mind carrying a few knapsacks at all. But he was also carrying three very sick individuals. Three individuals who were intent on stealing all his body warmth and were stuck as tight to him as barnacles on a ship hull. So intent on this purpose all three of them were that they didn’t bother moving any limbs of them or using any magic they had available to take care of any… leakage.

By the time he was knocking on Night Light’s and Twilight Velvet’s door Raegdan was covered with the most unhygienic layer of frost in the history of Equestria.

The door was unlocked so Raegdan simply pushed his way in. He tried to put Cadance, Twilight, Spike down, but none of the three were willing to even entertain the idea unless a bed was in range. Raegdan shouted out for anypony in the house.

“Raegdan, honey, have you brought all my little angels home?” Twilight Velvet’s voice came from the kitchen.

“We’re here, Velvet. You coming or…”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t get sick. You will have to take them up yourself. Twilight can share with Cadance, and the colts can share Shining Armor’s room. I have placed some extra cots. I’m making soup, come back here when they’re all comfy, ok Raegdan?” Velvet shouted back, managing to sound as if she was speaking borderline foaltalk despite her volume.

“Yeah, yeah.” Raegdan shed the luggage off him and started his way up the stairs. “Heavens forbid someone extends a limb towards me unless it’s to wipe off their freaking-” Raegdan muttered through his teeth.”

“How was your trip here?” Velvet asked, not letting eardrum integrity concerns stop her from asking after them.

“A stroll through heaven.” His clothes were making cracking sounds as all the frozen fluids on them were warming up and breaking apart. “Give me a minute.”

Raegdan made sure they were all in their beds and covered. He had to rush back down to find Twilight’s doll at her request, and bring it back up, at which point Cadance asked for her own pillow that she had brought along. Seeing the emerging pattern form right before his eyes Raegdan picked everything up to bring it all to their rooms immediately rather than wait for each individual request.

He was halfway up the stairs when Spike screamed for him. They all knew it because they heard him fall the rest of the way down.

He burst through Shining Armor’s door, his face full of worry and blood. His nose was leaning the wrong way. “What’s wrong, little flame?”

“Did we get any gems or did we forget them at the castle?” Spike asked anxiously.

“I- Yes. I got some. Was that all? You’re not hurt or in any pain?”

“Just sick. You’re bleeding by the way.”

Raegdan wiped his bleeding nose. “Ah. Right. Thank you for letting me know, little flame. Just… try to rest. I’ll be right back.”

He went out the door. That’s when two female voices and one dragon shouted. “We’re hungry!”

Shining Armor and Blueblood joined in. “We’re hungry too!”

“Raegdan? Stop sitting around and come get the food so you can serve it!” Twilight Velvet shouted from below.

Shining Armor could hear Raegdan’s deep sigh, heavy steps, and strings of words even through the wall and door.

“Shining? Dad’s speaking in that language of his again,” Spike said.

“It’s alright, Spike. He’s just…” He stumbled for a moment, trying to think of something. “...Reciting a poem.” Blueblood groaned and hid his head beneath his covers in shame for his fellow pony.

“A poem?”

“Sure! If you listen carefully you can spot the rhythm!” Shining Armor said frantically.

Spike paid attention for a few seconds. Even now, if you were silent enough, you could hear the biped mutter darkly. The baby dragon’s face lit up. “Oh yeah. You’re right!”

Blueblood peeked out to give Shining Armor a stare of incredulity for making that work.

Then Spike sneezed. It was always a gamble when Spike was sick. Most sneezes ended up being just that. Simple sneezes. Sometimes rarely there was a need to find Princess Celestia and retrieve whatever was in front of him. And sometimes…

“Raegdan! Fire! Fire!”

Raegdan came into Twilight’s room, carrying an empty tray. He kicked lightly behind him to close the door, and rested the tray on Twilight’s desk. He moved over her bed and lifted the covers to reveal the filly’s head.

“Are you finished with your soup, Twi- Cadance. That’s not your bed. Let me guess, you two want to sleep together to keep warm?” he asked, resigned.

“I athked her to,” Twilight confessed. “If we pool our body heat we will both be warmer. I thought of it,” she finished proudly.

“Why is she the little spoon? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

“My back ith cold,” Cadance sniffed.

Raegdan shrugged. “Whatever works for you two. I came up to pick up your plates, where do you have them?” he asked, looking around.

“Here.” Cadance pointed at the floor by her side of the bed.

The biped lifted one of the plates of soup off the floor, staring accusatorily at the two mares. “These are both still half full.”

“We weren’t that hungry after all,” Twilight said. “And we’re tired. Our headth hurt, we can’t uthe our hornth.”

“You have hooves,” Raegdan pointed out.

“They hurt too.”

“Don’t care. You’re emptying these.”

Twilight whined, a long, wordless sound designed to pierce through brain and heart, and tried to burrow in the space between Cadance’s back and the mattress.

Raegdan picked up a spoon and stirred the plate. “Come on, little one. Open wide.”

“I’m not a baby!” Twilight said, offended.

“Then pick up the spoon on your own.”

Twilight opened her mouth. Cadance found the strength to chuckle. Her small merriness lasted for as long as it took for Raegdan to turn to her.

“Your turn, chuckles.”

Cadance gasped. She wanted to say that she was an Alicorn, a princess in training and almost an adult, and that being fed like a baby was something that her dignity and self worth would never be able to recover from.

Raegdan however had already taken advantage of her open mouth to shove that spoon in. She was given no choice.

The two mares stood there, mouths open like birds waiting to be fed. Raegdan fed another spoonful of soup to Twilight. Then she sneezed.

He used his shirt to wipe off the stinging of the lemon juice, that Velvet was so fond of using, from his eyes. “This is going to be the theme for the next few days, isn’t it?” he observed, resigned.

“Thorry.”

“It’s ok. At least this smells good.”

Cadance weakly lifted her hoof in question. “Um, can I eat from the other plate, please?” she asked, staring at the droplets of Twilight juices staining the plate Raegdan was holding.

Raegdan sighed. “Yeah, sure.” He picked up the other plate and used a different spoon to feed Cadance.

She sneezed.

“Fuc- Right in the freaking eye!”

Velvet went to the living room to catch up with Raegdan before she went to bed herself. The exhausted biped was sitting on her couch, using her coffee table as a work surface. Pieces of wood were layered on it, most of them untouched, a few of them now good for nothing else other than fuel for a fire.

He held a very sharp knife and used it to carve a block of wood into the figure of a pony. He wasn’t very good at it. That’s what she would say if she was being kind. If she was being honest she would simply say that he could cut off half his fingers, remove his eyes, stand on his head, and it still couldn’t make his carving any worse.

“That’s not a half bad leg,” she said as she sat next to him, striving for something positive to say.

“That’s supposed to be the head,” he said, deadpan.

“Oh. Well, uh… At least you got the tail right on this one,” she said, pointing at one of his previous attempts.

“That one was supposed to be a train wagon.”

She twisted her head around and tried to see it through half-lidded eyes. She gave up after a minute. “How?”

He pointed at the ‘tail’. “Well, I tried to… See, I started by…” He stopped and mirrored her previous movements. “Ok, I have no idea what I was thinking.” He threw it back down on the table.

Velvet watched him for a few minutes as he picked up another piece for a fresh attempt. Already something spherical was starting to emerge. It would probably turn out he was trying to carve a horn.

“What is this all for, honey?”

“You’re supposed to give gifts in three days, right?” he asked for confirmation.

“Yes, Hearth’s Warming day”

“Care to find out how many bits I have?” He plunged his hand into his pocket and emptied the contents on an empty space on the table. Three bits shined dully.

“I know that Princess Celestia gives you a small pay, but I didn’t expect that small,” she said sarcastically.

“She does, but if I break something I’m supposed to either fix it or pay a part of it at least.”

“Oh dear. What did you have to pay for?”

“Medical expenses. I got into another fight with a guard.” He sighed, disappointed. “I’ve got two days to learn how to do this and have something ready for the kids. It would be easier if-”

“Dad!” Spike’s voice came from upstairs. “I don’t feel well! I want to go to the bathroom!”

“That. Coming, little flame.” He threw the piece of timber down in disgust. “I hope you’ve got them something good so they won’t be too much disappointed. All I’ll be able to get them is wood shavings at this point. Go to bed, Velvet. I’ll stay up.”

“We can lend you some bits,” Velvet said, not moving off the couch.

“Wouldn’t help. All stores are closed. I’ll figure something out.” He left, climbing the stairs two steps at a time.

Velvet stayed where she was for a while, inspecting Raegdan’s poor work. He was right, there was no hope of being able to buy anything, and she didn’t believe he had any chance of making something from scrap, not unless he thought of something different. She doubted he would. He tended to be stubborn at times, trying one thing again and again, no matter how often he smashed his face against it.

Maybe she could change the cards on the gift boxes and add his name to Night Light’s and her own. She’d have to bring it up to him tomorrow. For now, she’d better head to bed. She was tired enough, and her legs ached like crazy.

Her throat tingled a little. Better drink some water first to down whatever got stuck there.

Being sick simply wasn’t enough. Life had to sprinkle some extra suffering.

Shining Armor was certain he was being pranked. There was no way that Spike didn’t realize what Raegdan kept cutting himself off from saying. He was sure, with one hundred and ten percent certainty, that Spike was constantly putting on a show of being an innocent, little, scaly butterfly.

Blueblood wasn’t helping matters either. Everytime he tried to nap he found the other stallion had climbed on his bed and wrapped his hooves around him, spooning him, with some flimsy pretense of doing it for the body heat. But Shining Armor was nopony’s fool. He knew what was going on. For all his talk of a cold chest, that wasn’t what Blueblood rubbed against his back.

The heat was really there though, and being cuddled did offer some comfort- No, bad Shining Armor, straight as an arrow you are, remember Cadance. Beautiful, soft pink Cadance, looking at him with those incredible wet eyes, her muzzle dripping snot, and her soft lips opening as she hacked out big wads of phlegm…

If Shining Armor still had any libido for the mare form left, he had just taken it out around the back and pummeled it dead.

If there was one grace to this, the most feverish of days, was that even though the house’s walls were thin, even with all the problems they created, they had one advantage. They gave them a warning over what was to come, and Shining Armor was determined to make use of it when he realized what would happen.

They all heard Twilight Velvet sneezing. It almost shook the house.

So did Raegdan’s cries. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare get sick too! It was just dust tickling your nose, you hear me? You are not-”

“Raegdan,” Velvet cried out in misery. “I think I’m theeck.”

Shining Armor started yodeling at the top of his lungs. It was the first thing that came to mind to cover up Raegdan’s resounding curse words.

Darned little dragon.

“Raegdan! I’m going to throw up!” Twilight yelled as loud as she could, which was basically a dead whisper at that point. Cadance heard her extremely clearly however, and with the self preservation of a mare sharing that same bed, added her own voice to the mix.

“Raegdan! Twilight’s gonna throw up! Come quick!”

Raegdan burst through the door. His eyes were red, having slept none for almost two days now, having to put up with seven sick ponies, tending to their every need.

Night Light came home sick as well.

He picked Twilight up, and rushed for the bathroom, the little unicorn’s stomach already spasming.

“Hold on, little one, almost there, almost- close enough for it to matter. Ah, well. Just finish up and empty your stomach now.”

“I’m sorry! I tried to hold on.”

“It’s alright. I can do without shoes and socks for a day.”

“Mom keeps the mop in-”

“I know where she keeps it. Little flame threw up a little bit ago too. I won’t really need it though. You got it all on the carpet. I’ll just roll it up and-”

Twilight groaned. “Mom’s going to kill me! That was grandma’s carpet!”

“Your mom won’t mind.”

“Yes, she will! She’ll kick me out! She’ll tell Princess Celestia how I destroy carpets, and Princess Celestia has even more expensive ones at the castle. I’m going to be kicked out of my home and the castle for being a carpet muncher!” Twilight was already hyperventilating.

“Little one, this will never-”

“I’m going to lose everything! I’ve disappointed everypony!” Twilight wailed.

“Heaven’s sake, little one, this isn’t going to-”

“We can’t let her know! Raegdan, can you take it out and wash it? Please? Pretty please?”

Raegdan pointed out the window, at the falling snow. It wasn’t the idyllic soft snowfall of fluffy snowflakes slowly building up gentle slopes. It was the cold, harsh ice drizzle, the abominable hybrid of half frozen water that built ice and granted pneumonia.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad when you go out there,” Twilight said. She did her best puppy eyes, making sure to whimper and make her bottom lip tremble. She squeezed her facial muscles -just so- and her tear ducts released their load. Her ears flopped down and backwards, giving the fainted sense of fear. She put the elbows of her front legs in front of her muzzle, not quite hiding it, and shook her hind legs in the air as Raegdan carried her.

Raegdan sighed, defeated. “Ok, fine. If it makes you stop crying over nothing. I don’t need that many fingers I guess. I can lose a couple to frostbite.”

Cadance heard the whole exchange from her bed. He wasn’t really going to do it. No way. He was just playing along in order to calm Twilight down. Then he would get Velvet to come up and tell Twilight she was worrying over nothing. It was freezing outside. Nopony in their right mind would expect somepony to go out in this weather and kneel over a water soaked carpet, brushing it clean. It was madness.

“Shining,” Spike asked, “why is dad yelling in his language again?”

Blueblood had dragged himself to the window, his curiosity too great. The large biped was out there, on his hands and knees, brushing a wet -steadily getting frozen- carpet, soaked completely himself while snow was piling on him. Every now and then he would stop and slap or punch himself in various bodyparts.

“He’s… he’s singing a song,” Blueblood said, unable to speak the truth. Would they believe him anyway? He was seeing it and wasn’t believing it himself. All he had to do was say no. Why didn’t he ever say no to that filly?

“About what?”

“...Popsicles,” Blueblood muttered, and went back to his warm bed. He felt cold just watching the poor stallion.

Spike got out of his bed and, moving like one of the undead things in the comics dad and mom never let him buy, walked out to the corridor, heading for the staircase.

It was a mess. There were panels of wood missing from the walls, chips and sawdust covering the floor. Holes were spread evenly on the roof. You could almost see the bottom of the roof tiles in the darkness.

The baby dragon followed the path of devastation, all the way down the stairs. He had to skip a few steps, since they were missing. Down he went, ignoring the overturned furniture in the living room, and headed for the kitchen, where the sounds of ripping were coming from.

“Dad, can I sleep in the same room with Twilight and Cadance, please?”

“Hold on a second, little flame.” Raegdan slowly dragged himself out of the vent. It would never fit him, so he had it ‘enlarged’. Spike hoped for his sake that he would be able to put it all back together before Twilight Velvet and Night Light got well enough to realize what all these sounds had been.

“Ok, what did you say again?” he asked, dusting himself and picking up a hammer and nails.

“I want to sleep in Twilight’s room.” Spike reached

“What’s wrong with sleeping with Shining Armor and Blueblood? I thought you’d prefer it if you were with guys.”

“I do, but for some reason the medicine you give us gave them gas. It smells like death in there. I can’t take it anymore!”

Raegdan slammed the hammer on the kitchen counter. His expression was one of frantic disbelief. “That’s what the smell is? I’ve been searching for dead rats all day! I almost tore the house apart!”

“Yeah, it kinda seeps through everything. I don’t envy you having to go in there. At least I got slowly somewhat used to it, but I’m not going back in. Can I sleep with Twilight? Please?”

“Yeah, sure.” Raegdan looked at the mess he had created, his shoulders slumping.

“Thanks. What are we having for dinner?”

A door opened somewhere in the house. There was absolute silence and stillness for a single, magical moment.

“Raegdan! What have you done to my home?”

“I don’t know about the rest of you, little flame,” Raegdan said, “but Velvet’s going to feed me my own spleen.”

“Reagdan, I can’t sleep!” Twilight yelled.

A zombie plopped its way through their door and slumped upon their bed. It was covered in dust, paint, and sawdust, and it looked at them with dead eyes. “Why, little one? Why? Why can’t you sleep?” it croaked.

“My legs ache,” she complained.

“Alright. Turn round this way,” he said, tiredly. Cadance wondered if he had gotten a wink of rest these last two days. He lowered the covers, and she edged away from the cold, glancing back.

Raegdan’s fingers grabbed hold of Twilight’s hooves and started rubbing them, gently massaging the muscles, the pressure almost imperceptible. Cadance wasn’t sure what he expected to do. He simply wasn’t using enough strength. Raegdan didn’t seem to understand that all this work was for naught. He kept repeating his motions, all the while humming in the darkness, a low timbre that Cadance could almost feel in her bones.

A few minutes later she forced her eyes to snap open. The gentle shifting of the mattress, combined with the noise Raegdan made almost lulled her to sleep. She turned around just in time to catch Raegdan covering Twilight once again. The tiny filly was already snoring.

“Thank heavens this worked. Do I need to do this for you too, Cadance?” he whispered, pleased in his work.

“I’m fine,” she answered, and she truly was. She felt ready to drift back to sleep again. “Where did you learn that?”

“I don’t know,” he said, his eyebrows coming together in deep thought. “Where did I learn-”

“Daaad… I can’t sleeeep…” Spike called out from Cadance’s former cot.

"But I’ll probably be doing it a lot. I’m here, little flame. Lie on your stomach, will you?” he asked, sitting on Spike’s side, looking ready to doze off.

Cadance woke up and took a deep breath as she stretched. She halted midstretch, her legs pointed every other way, and took another breath. She could breathe through her nose! Her nose was clear and the itching on her throat was almost gone!

She turned to the alarm clock. It was ten in the morning. Late enough, she figured out. Cadance gently shook Twilight next to her, waking her up. The filly yawned wide, her little mouth gaping wide enough to devour worlds.

“Good morning,” Twilight said sleepily, rubbing her eyes with her hooves.

“Good morning yourself,” Cadance said back, smiling. “How are you feeling?”

She watched as Twilight opened her mouth to answer “sick,” and then paused, realizing she actually felt better. A smile spread on her lips, and Cadance nodded excitedly. The jumped off the bed together, rushing to the little dragon, eagerly waking him up. Spike grumbled and refused to answer until they poked him enough until he got annoyed enough to half sit on his bed.

The way he waited for a sneeze that never came was just precious.

“We’re cured!” Twilight proclaimed, joyous. She turned back to look at the time. “And just in time for Hearth’s Warming day! We’re gonna get our presents today!” She and Spike got hold of each other and started jumping around.

“Let’s see how the colts are and if they’re ok we can head back to the castle all together, ok?” Cadance reminded them, trying to get them to settle down. Just because they were fine or awake didn’t mean everypony else was.

“I’m hungry too,” Twilight said. “Let’s go find Raegdan and ask for breakfast.”

They went out of the room all together and ran into the person they were looking for right away. Raegdan was standing in the corridor and… snoring. He was actually standing there, his arm holding the wall and supporting his weight, shoulders and knees slumping. The poor guy had fallen asleep standing. Cadance, now that she was better and could actually think of somepony other than her miserable self, felt guilty for everything they put him through these last few days.

Foals on the other hoof tend to be a little selfish-sighted as a rule. “Raegdan!” Twilight shouted.

“I’m up! I’m up! I’m here, I’m here, what? Bathroom, cough syrup, missed a hole in the wall, what, what?” he asked frantically, standing at attention and looking around. He rubbed his face, looking like tartarus. “What are you all doing out of bed?”

“We’re fine!” Twilight said, excited. “And we’re hungry. Can you make us breakfast?”

“I… Yeah, ok. I think there’s plenty of cereal-”

“Can you make us pancakes? We’re starving!” Spike requested.

“Pancakes. Sure. Go to bed. I’ll-” He yawned and swayed in place for a moment. “I’ll bring them up. Go rest.”

“We want to go back to the castle if Shining Armor and Blueblood are fine too,” Twilight told him.

He turned to look out the window. Canterlot was covered in snow. “With my luck they probably are,” Raegdan said. “Go wake them up then and find out. Night Light and Velvet. Breakfast for them too, right?”

“Cool,” Spike said, turning around to rush for their room. “I can’t wait to get my presents!”

“Presents. Right.” Raegdan headed for the stairs, somehow looking even worse than he did a second ago.

Cadance felt like a great, big piece of trash that had somehow sprouted wings and a horn. Like there was no trash bin large enough to contain her. If a garbage cart came along, the workers would take one good look and proclaim, “the wheels can’t handle something this big! We’re gonna need to cut down sequoias and use their trunks to carry that big piece of trash if we want to stand a chance!” Junk dealers would come running from all corners of Equestria in droves, driven by the prospect of how many bits they could gain from such a supreme piece of trash, only to leave disappointed when they saw with their own eyes how trashy it was.

She could go like this all day.

There was a pile of wrapped gifts under the tree. The largest ones were for Twilight and Spike. A few moderate ones were for Cadance, Shining Armor, and Blueblood. The smaller ones, simple gifts most of the time meant only to relay that the giver thought of and appreciated the recipient, were for the adults. It was a veritable hoard that Spike and Twilight would thoroughly enjoy. Everypony had gotten a gift for everypony else.

On top of them lay a single notebook page, folded in half. The penmanship was horrible, Raegdan having almost no reason at all to write in Equestrian ever. It simply said, “I’m off to get your presents. I might be late. I’m sorry.”

“What is he planning to do?” Cadance asked her aunt.

Princess Celestia answered, looking gloomily into the fireplace. “He took a shovel and intended to head up the mountain to look for gems for Spike.”

“During the winter? With all that snow?” Night Light gasped. Twilight Velvet held her hooves against her mouth.

“Is he gone?” Cadance asked, fraught with worry.

“Nope,” Princess Celestia said, a small smile on her lips. “I asked him to give me the shovel for a second. Then I whacked him over the head. He’s asleep in his little corner. He’ll probably stay like that until tomorrow.”

“We almost ran him exhausted, didn’t we?” Shining Armor said, kicking a small piece of lint on the floor.

“I meant to make it easier for him, not… you know, when I told him to bring you all over,” Velvet said, rubbing at her cheeks.

“So, what are we going to do? He won’t be happy if he loses his last chance to get something for Twilight and Spike,” Cadance said.

“True,” Princess Celestia said, nodding sagely. “I suppose we could buy him some time. Run off with a crazy plan, diverting Twilight and Spike all over the castle while we all together help Raegdan come up with something to give to them, running ourselves ragged and endangering making two young foals distraught.”

“I take it this isn’t what you want to do,” Cadance said, sitting down next to Shining Armor.

Princess Celestia chuckled. “Indeed I don’t. I’m simply going to get Twilight and Spike and tell them everything.”

Spike shook the sleeping form by the shoulders, his tiny body barely able to tilt the massive biped even a little. “Dad. Dad! Wake up.”

Raegdan slowly woke, raising his torso by supporting his weight on his elbows as he half laid on the floor bedding of what he called his room. “What? What time is it? What are you kids doing here?”

“It’s nine in the evening. Hearth’s Warming day is almost done,” Twilight said. Raegdan’s eyes went wide.

“Oh, right, right,” he said quickly. “I forgot. Your presents, right?”

Spike and Twilight nodded as one.

“Ok. Look, I… I really tried, but I didn’t have time. I’m sorry, but-”

The two children fell on him with all their weight, wrapping their little limbs around his neck with as much strength as they could muster, nuzzling their faces against him.

“Uh…”

“Princess Celestia told us everything,” Twilight said, her face pressed against the crevice of his neck. “We didn’t understand how hard we were making things for you. Thank you for making sure we were all rested and comfortable when we were sick.”

“Yeah,” Spike added. “If it wasn’t for your gift we would have the worst Hearth’s Warming day ever.”

“...My gift?”

“Taking care of us, silly!” Twilight said, popping a quick kiss on his cheek. “Thanks to you taking care of all of us we were all fine in time to spend the day together. Thank you!”

Raegdan scratched his scalp with one hand, stunned and in wonder. “I… No problem, little ones. It’s what I’m supposed to do, make sure you are both fine. You don’t have to-” He paused, suddenly frowning angrilly. “This place is freezing! Do you two want to get sick again? Back to your room!”

“But we-”

His large hands quickly grappled them and trapped both of them under a shoulder each. “Velvet will have my liver if you get sick after one day. I’m getting you both to bed.” He carried them back out of the storeroom that his little corner lay in.

“But it’s still too early!” Spike complained.

“I want to read my new books!”

“You’re going to sleep and that’s final! You were using me as a tissue only yesterday!”

The door to Princess Celestia’s room creaked open.

“Good evening, Raegdan,” Princess Celestia greeted. She sat on her couch and invited the biped to have a seat as well.

“Hey,” he said as he sat. He was holding something behind his back, hiding it from view. “You know, I didn’t get the kids or anyone else anything, but I do have something for you, you brave mare.”

“For me?” Princess Celestia asked in surprise. “You didn’t have to-”

“Oh, but I did. Close your eyes.”

She did as he asked, and waited. Something slipped over her muzzle and her face. She opened her eyes and saw only blackness. She picked up what was over her head with a hoof, examining it. A dark, large piece of cloth. It was dirty with some kind of streaks and a dried out crust covering parts of it.

“One of your shirts?”

“It’s a special one. Take a sniff,” he suggested smiling.

She decided to humor him, though she kept aware for any traps. “It doesn’t smell like anything. Maybe a little sweaty. What is this supposed to be?”

Raegdan got up, looking satisfied. “You will get the meaning behind it about… oh, tomorrow at the very latest I think. Goodnight, Celestia.”

“Goodnight, Raegdan.”

She examined the old shirt again, sniffing it once more. She couldn’t understand what it was supposed to be. Perhaps nothing at all. Maybe a sign that he didn’t hold a grudge against her for saddling him alone with seven sick ponies. After all, she was the one who gave permission for Raegdan to be dragged all the way to her house.

Oh well. He promised she would figure it out tomorrow. Things went well, all said and done. And bonus, she made it out unscathes and without getting the bug herself. The last thing she needed was go through the hecticness of the new year while being sick.

Princess Celestia woke up coughing. She gulped down the glass of water she kept next to her bed, noticing how her throat remained stubbornly dry. Her legs ached. Her wings ached. Her eyes ached. Her horn ached, and she was pretty sure her mane was aching as well, but she couldn’t feel it over the pounding headache.

“I think I’m theeck,” she said to nopony. This was the worst. Who managed to get her-

Her eyes locked on Raegdan’s old shirt.

She called for her guards. She had a command to give them, though she made sure they stayed out of her bedroom so they couldn’t see the mess she was sure she looked like.

“Find Raegdan and bring him to me. In chains.”

She crawled back under her covers.