Shitty Clop Oneshots

by bloons3

Rating: mature
Tags:
Length: 917

Collection of random one shots

Just random things that I've written.
Din't expect a coherent plot, or for things to make any sense.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-15 15:47:11 UTC

SHINING'S SECRET

Shining snuck  into the room and closed the door.

“No one must ever know,” he whispered as he slowly began to rub his testicles on Emerald’s prodigious keyboard collection. It was his secret fetish, so secret that not even Celestia knew. What would Cadence think if she knew that every time during sex, he wasn’t moaning her name, but the serial number of his Filco MasterTouch. His reputation wold be ruined.

Twilight gets freaky with a SSK

Twilight Sparkle moaned in ecstasy as she inserted the Model M Space Saving Keyboard into her vagina. For weeks now, she had been craving sweet, sweet release and now she had found it. She knew that she had made the right choice in ordering the SSK; Rarity had done it with a Full Sized and couldn't sit for a week.

She knew that her love affair was forbidden. Princess Celestia had forbidden the superior mechanical keyboards after a freak accident turned Luna into NMM, but that only made Twilight's passion harder.

How steamy they got

Twilight lay staring at the vinyl record. It was something, like many things, that she could fit inside of her vagina. The question wasn’t could, it was should she. Princess Molestia had forbidden using an object for sex more than once, and Twilight was running out. It wasn’t her fault that Rarity was a hedonist and that they’d had an orgy the entire night before.

Twilight glanced around the room. The lamp was out, that was used in the first week. The lampshade was out too, Rarity had been very adventurous. That left the lightbulb, and there was no way she was going to risk that. Not knowing what to do, she decided to call up the mods of /r/MLPLounge, they knew how to put things up their asses, though they tended to just uses sticks 24/7.

Pony Sutra: The Helicopter

This was the culmination of acrobatics between RariDick and FutaLight.

"Ready?" RariDick asked.

"Totally."

"Okay, let's start."

Twilight lubricated her throbbing member, and slowly inserted it into RariDick's vagina. Once she was inserted up to the hilt, RaritDick slowly shifted position so that FutaLight was parallel to the floor.

"Spike, give me a spin!"

"On it!" The young drake approached the conjoined couple and pushed hard on FutaLight's outstretched limbs.

Twilight started to spin, slowly, then faster and faster.

"It's working Spike, keep pushing!"

Slowly, the conjoined couple began to lift off the ground, the forces generated by the rapidly spinning FutaLight generating lift.

The unholy combo began to fly about the room, bounding off of the walls. Eventually, they both crashed and came to a halt in the middle of the floor.

"Best... sex... ever, "FutaLight and RariDick moaned in unison.

"You've perfected the helicopter. Onto the next move in the pony sutra," Spike reminded.

UN + Changelings

http://pastebin.com/zFrZe8wS

The UN meeting was boring, as they typically were. Russia had overstepped their bounds and China was pursuing action, per normal. The US delegate was bored to tears. Suddenly, a tear in the fabric of the universe opened, and a group of ponies stepped through onto the stage. Fuck he though. Not again.

But there was something different about these ponies. As the peacekeepers approached the stage to throw them out, a wave of green fire swept over each of them, blinding the room. When the US delegate cleared his eyes, he could see that what he had originally thought were ponies were some sort of equinoid insects.

The room was silent, even the Chinese delegate had faltered in his speech about where exactly Russia could put their missiles. The largest of the creatures, a fascinting specimen with curved and holed horn, approached the podium.

"I am Queen Chrysalis of the Changeling nation, and I come before the UN seeking refuge for my struggling people. For too long has the changeling nation suffered death and destruction at the hooves of the Equestrians. Today I come before, asking that you might help us throw off the yoke of oppression that binds us."

"The Equestrians fear us because in order to live we must partake of postive emotions like kindness, compassion, and love, none of which they've shown as they raze our cities and slaughter our children. To be judged as vermin because we must shift our form to live is a crime against sapiency. To this end, I ask of you to help stop the genocide of my people."

The room was silent. The US delegate, being the closest to the microphone, slowly approached it. Holding it in one hand, he asked, "Did you say that you can change your forms?"

"Yes. We can assume the shape of most beast or pony, for which we are judged against."

The room was silent once more. Slowly, the delegate pondered his next move.

"The US would like to tender an offer of immediate asylum to the Changeling nation as well as-OOF"

What no one in the room expected was for the Chinese delegate to stab the US delegate in the back with a pen-knift and take the microphone for himself.

"China pledges asylum, AND political support!" he screamed into the microphone.

What no one expected again, was for the US delegate to draw a boot-derringer and pop a cap in the Chinese delegate's brain bucket, and once again take the microphone.

"The US amends it's offer to immediate asylum, political support, financial aid, AND economic stimulus. Does the changeling nation accept?"