Amazonian Laws or How I learned that even written words can bite me in the plot

by Dostoron

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Romance, Changelings, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Princess Celestia
Length: 1137

Celestia struggles with an ancient law she made, one concerning a certain Changeling Queen

Back then it seemed like a good idea, get me some peace and quiet and stay unbothered by the stallions (and mares) that want a piece of me.
I should really have added an expiration date on that stupid part of parchment, or at least made sure i overturned it at some point.
Now here I sit, the old scroll self summoning into my face and the record keepers agreeing, that no amount of overturning will save me from having to follow.
Welp, no helping it, might as well try to make this mess work.

Published 2015-12-04 03:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-04 03:30:02 UTC

Huh, where did that old thing pop up from?

All was finally quiet in my personal chambers, just the way i liked to return to after setting the sun and washing the day court stress off with a nice bubble bath.

I love my little ponies, really, all of them, even the nobles. Even if they sometimes make it pretty difficult, i swear some of them would be able to make me sign away the castle if it weren't for my nephew running every last letter through scrutiny.

But now I can settle in for the night with nothing to disrupt-

pop

Spoke to soon. A rather weathered looking scroll just materialized under my nose. This is odd, the seal is ancient and the spells on it are my own.

Thinking I probably sent it into the future back then as a note I unroll it to find it is an old law draft, specifically pertaining to a requirement of... me getting... married.

As is our Oath, we shalt marry the suitor besting us in combat and none other, they must show up dressed for the occasion and beat us soundly. We bind ourselves to this oath, so that Equestria may have a suitable king.

Huh, now that I look at it, ways of speech back then were pretty funny... hold on a second, why would that scroll Pop up all of a sudden?

"Kibitz!" I called out to my ever faithful assistant, hopefully one of his many predecessors had kept a record of These Things.

Soon after I was seated with the aging unicorn at our most important conference spot, the coffee table.

"And you say it just magically appeared in front of you? without spike sending it, I mean." he was still unsure, paperwork was supposed to be either in the archives or on desks not teleporting around.

"It is as i told you, kibitz, i myself enchanted it back then though i'm not sure anymore why this scroll..."

"Could you tell me please, what brought about the implementation of this?"

"Of course, Kibitz, you see, about 800 years ago..."

The castle was under lockdown... well more like a Siege. The attackers herein however at least had the courtesy not to break anything... except maybe their bones as they did use catapults to get through to me. I ducked under another daring stallion that flew by.

"Captain, thy report."

"Verily, your highness, 20 tried their luck via the catapult, one attempted a cannon but we were able to stop him."

"How many more are down there? how long must this madness continue?"

"Possibly until thy say yes to one." i had selected this guardsmare as my captain for her sharp mind, sadly, she was probably right.

"That shalt not happen, we hold no desire to take any hoof in marriage. we should never have let slip that we art lonely at times..."

"They seek only to gain the grand prize that is your heart, any noble and many common stallions cannot stand the thought of a mare unhappy."

"And the stallions of the guard would let them in on that very cause... We shalt retire to our chambers to bathe, thee and thy guardsmares, remain vigilant, the poor fools shall not hurt themselves."

It were different times back then, Equestria was always predominantly female run, but that never came from any discrimination or malice, the stallions merely never took interest in making the decisions, seeking instead to make the mares of their herds happy or seek out further additions to it. Many of them of course had caught wind of my slip of the tongue and made to rectify my loneliness the best way they could think of... They were indeed meaning well, maybe the lead mares of their respective herds not so much but I could hardly shift the blame on the colts... But on one incident I did draw the line.

I had just settled into the bath, hoping to at least briefly escape the circus.

BOOM!

A hope that wound up rather dashed when I heard a cannon fire.

CRASH!

And saw the stallion breaking through the bathroom wall to the outside, good thing he was an earth pony, bad thing he had caught me with my nerves already on the fritz.

"Princess, i am sorry to pop in unannounced but i have heard of the pain in loneliness you suffer and-"

ZAP!

In hindsight, grabbing him telekinetically, going to the front gates and beating the other would be suitors back with him was maybe a bit extreme.

Now I had a different problem, I needed a suitable excuse for a lot of hurt stallions that only sought to be companion to me. That's when I had the idea. A law on sacred oath that suitors would have to beat me in battle and then be mine alone. Many herds already backed off at that because they wanted to keep their studs of course. Others tried, and failed and over a few years the whole mess was forgotten.

I made the law with no expiry, so that it would keep them off my case, and soon it went into a shelf somewhere and was forgotten about.

"Hmm, the oath written on here speaks of a law regarding your betrothal. maybe some sort of requirements were met and now it's taking effect?"

"Which is even stranger, I mean, I have been beaten before and never did this law take hold."

"Hmm, the fine print mentions a delay to be used for preparations... 20 moons. Why include a passage of dressing for the occasion?"

"Oh, back then there were different getups, one in which you get married and one in which you fight. It was so I wouldn't bind myself to an enemy seeking conquest of something other than me."

"Well, I suppose there is no such candidate then, you have not fought anyone wearing marriage wear."

"Quite correct." Thus calmed down I made to take a sip from my tea before freezing. "... Except of course for Queen Chrysalis who had indeed entered the room in a wedding dress before winning our power struggle."

I had completely forgotten about the sly Changeling monarch, hopefully understandably as she had lately been the good kind of quiet, something to do with ponies being too much hassle.

"Your highness... how long ago was that again?"

"A good bit over a year..."

"Wouldn't that mean..."

"Why yes... it would."

We had both connected the dots, and both felt an inherent amount of dread at the revelation, by a law that was supposed to keep me single... I had made none other than Queen Chrysalis my fiancée.

Author's Note

and hereś the start, and yes, this will continue, likely slow but it will.