Author's Note
As someone who didn't like how forced this reformation was, I had this idea that popped into my head and banged on the doors of inspiration inside my brain. Hope you enjoy my take on what Starlight was really thinking.
The Art of Deception
I'm talking to those bullies, about to mollify their fight again, when I hear the time portal open. Oh, here we go again. Princess Twilight Sparkle coming to try and stop me from preventing the Sonic Rainboom from happening, so that she and her friends can keep their cutie mark connection.
This is getting laughable now. Every time Twilight comes back through the portal I created through Star Swirl the Bearded's spell--modified by me to have the time jump extend from going back a week to going back at any point in time--I'm sent back three or four minutes. And you know what's funnier? I've noticed that the more desperate she gets to stop me, the more sloppy and predictable she is. It all reminds me about that metaphor about gripping sand too tightly.
"Excuse me, I have a pest to exterminate," I say to the bullies, who pay no mind to my leaving and go back to picking on Fluttershy. Oh well. I've got plenty more interruptions to use against oh-so almighty Princess Twilight.
As I levitate myself to the cloud in front of Twilight to fire a magic beam, she fires her own variation of my crystal imprisonment spell. My limbs freeze in place as the pink prison plops onto the cloud below me.
The Alicorn flies up to me, her dragon pet glaring at me. Her words are hardly audible, thanks to the crystal, but I can just make it out. "Now more than ever I know how important it is to stop you!"
It's despicable how easily she stole the spell that I'd worked so hard to create, but she's surely a fool if she thinks that I didn't prepare for this turn of the battle. I break free with an electrifying blast and levitate once more as I jeer, "Well, good luck!"
Cold wind bites at my ears as I swoop underneath the Cloudsdale racetrack, Twilight taking no hesitation to follow me. But I'm fast enough to stick my hoof up and trip Rainbow Dash right out of the air. The brat yells comically, almost imitating yodeling, and the bullies fly past her.
I already hear the time portal opening to suck the princess in, so I don't bother to turn around and taunt her. With how stubborn she is, I'll have another chance to get even more so under her skin.
A bright flash engulfs me and my surroundings before I find myself on a cloud some ten feet from Rainbow, Fluttershy, and the two bullies. It doesn't take long at all before Twilight, looking seven shades of lavender-pissed, shoots another beam of my crystal spell. Really, how dumb can you be? Haven't you heard of insanity being trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Even as I hop to the side and watch Rainbow get encased in crystal instead, I make a juvenile face and clap my hooves to prove my point.
Another flash. Another time portal. Another attempt to secure her precious friendships. And another time I rub in her face that she cannot stop me. Rinse. And. Repeat.
Yet that damn Alicorn keeps coming and coming, until I decide to break her spirits. She appears below me this time, but before she can fire my spell again, I beat her to the punch, just missing her left wing. But I do happen to hit a falling Fluttershy, whose screams are cut off by the crystal. I don't bother to see if the pegasus can break out in time and instead face the Alicorn.
"Up for another race-ending fight, Twilight?"
Twilight settles on the cloud across from me, lowering her head. I must have finally worn her down, because she replies, "No. You were right. I can't stop you."
Sweet, sweet defeat ringing in my ears. I almost ask her to say that again so I could record it for my alarm clock when I return to my cutie-mark-free village, but I settle with rearing on my hind legs and zapping her. But she lifts a shield and wards off the attack. "But you can't stop me from trying! And we could be stuck doing this for all eternity!"
While I've read that Alicorns really aren't immortal--they only have extended lifespans--I can agree that the two of us could keep going forever: My magic storage against Twilight's Alicorn magic.
Oh, did I not tell you? In the months of wandering and spying on the princess, I had been building up a reservoir of magic in the subconscious part of my brain; an elusive battle/survival strategy that was created by Starswirl the Bearded himself. It was designed for the event that if you were stranded somewhere and had no food, you could use this storage to literally feed off your own magic; or in the case of battle, use it to square off evenly against a powerful foe, as I did with Twilight.
To be frank, I'm surprised I had lasted as long as I did fighting her several time loops ago. Guess Alicorns aren't all-powerful as they say.
Anyway, sometime after the wizard's untimely death, his technique was considered too dangerous, fearing that somepony would use it for total obliteration of Equestria, and was therefore sealed with all his other dangerous spells.
Good thing I'm the best at finding forbidden spells; the Princesses think they're so clever, keeping them all in one library with a gate that can be open with one large blast of magic. Breaking into the Star Swirl the Bearded wing was how I found his time spell and modified it, after all; the reservoir spell was just a little extra credit for this test of power.
But since all I was doing was sitting and waiting all throughout that period of spying on Twilight, it was easy building up that reservoir. Each day, I had poured all of my energy and magic into that subconscious of my brain, leaving me an exhausted wreck. Still, small price to pay in the long run. I still have a world of magic in here to use against the Alicorn.
"If that's what it takes to keep you and your friends from getting your cutie mark connection, then I'm game!" I fire another beam, only for Twilight's shield to block it again.
She grabs a puff of cloud from above her and forms it into a slide with a house at the bottom. "What you're doing goes way beyond cutie marks. Everything we do here in the past, even the smallest change--" she creates a ball at the top and lets it slide down as it grows bigger and bigger, until it disintegrates the house. "--Can snowball into an avalanche of trouble for the future!"
It's adorable how she treats me like a child, going so far as to create a visual example as if I can't understand her big, tortuous words! Evaporating the childish structure, I respond with derision, "Oh. Next I suppose you'll tell me that the fate of all of Equestria hangs in the balance."
"It does!"
"Spare me your overblown ego! No group of friends, not even Princess Twilight's is that important!" I'll hammer that point into her head one way or another. This isn't about destroying Equestria itself--I know she's bluffing to try and make me show mercy--but about taking away her and her friends' cutie marks to restore my paradise of equality! Everything was going great for me there until Little Miss Friendship turned my own friends against me!
I was in mid-sentence when Rainbow Dash flew over us, so I recover and send her barreling upward before she can pass through a cloud ring. I open my mouth to continue my point when the time portal opens and Twilight speaks instead.
"I don't know how important other ponies' friendships are to the future, but I can show you what the world is like without mine!"
She leaps at me before I can react, and latches her front hooves around my barrel so I can't break free. We are both sucked into the portal, and with a piercing flash, we land in the future of my village, untouched by Twilight and her friends' poisonous lies about how great it is to be different.
I am still blinded by the flash, but I can feel a harsh wind blowing on my face and drowning out all other sounds. I try to open my eyes once and am met with dirt drilling into my sclerae, so I shut my eyes quickly and wipe out the dirt. As I use my mane as a shield and open my eyes properly, I feel my breath catch.
This is not my utopia. Everywhere I look, I see nothing but a vast, dry desert caught in the edges of dusk. There's the occasional tree poking out of the dirt, bare and leaning in the direction of the wind, and off in the horizon, a couple mountains that have been leveled to a fraction of their size. Even for one of them, I can see its spire laying in crumbles along with the pile of glass, rubble, and bricks that lies next to it. I can only assume this is the remains of Canterlot.
Outraged, I demand, "Where are we!" My denial beings to sink in, refusing to believe that this is Equestria, much less Ponyville, because the map that I manipulated to start this time loop is here.
"The future," Twilight answers solemnly. "Or, rather, the present."
"But . . . there's nothing here!"
"I wish I could say I was surprised, but every world I come back to is worse than the last. I don't know why my friends are so important to Equestria but we are!"
No, no, no! This isn't--! This was supposed to lead to my perfect nation without cutie marks! How could I not stop the other threats to Equestria! I was supposed to stop the Rainboom, return to when Nightmare Moon came, and take down every villain one by one! That was how it was supposed to work!
You've used up too much magic, says my logical side. Even with a world of magic in your brain, it's not enough to take down an Alicorn, a god of Chaos, a changeling queen, and so on. Maybe if you hadn't wasted it taunting the Princess and had just taken the scroll away . . .
"I don't believe you!" I shout to both Twilight and my logic. They're lying! They both are! I can still win this if . . . if . . .
"C'mon, Starlight, look around!" Spike, who is standing on the map, pleads with me.
But I hardly hear him. I turn away, letting the grin build up without them seeing. For lack of a better phrase, the wheels in my head were churning. Supposing Twilight is right about this, that she and her friends are important to securing the safety of Equestria itself, then I couldn't go through with screwing up their past. Not unless I wanted to spend another several months' worth of time loops trying to rebuild my reservoir and warding Twilight off from stopping me.
But that didn't mean I lost the battle. Not by a long shot. I just need to say my words like I meant them, or else Twilight won't take the bait. I'll have to play the mare who was desperate for the 'Magic of Friendship', and became immensely bitter when the Princess of Friendship had taken my revision of it away. Luckily, I've had time to practice my acting; a part of me foresaw something like this happening, so I eagerly prepared for this, too.
I force my facial muscles to stop twitching and slowly drop the malicious grin that had spread my face. My attention turns instead to the horizon, at the emptiness surrounding us, and truly do feel empathy for Equestria and those who died because of my time loop. All because I wasted my magic on this mare when I could have used it to eliminate the threats of Equestria.
"--thought showing you this might change your mind." Having barely caught that, a surge of anger pierces through me.
"Change my mind?" I say, turning back to the Alicorn, who winces at my sudden anger. But it only builds up as I continue. "You don't know anything about me. I was perfectly happy before you--" I leap towards her, and she retreats a few steps. "--And your friends ruined what I'd built!" I didn't have to fake this. My words seethed with authenticity, so much so that I desperately wanted to freeze her in my crystal spell right there.
Intimidated by my rage, Twilight tried to reason with me. "I don't know what happened that led you to make your village without cutie marks. And I'm sorry my friends and I had to take it away."
That did it. I couldn't take this mare's naiveté any longer. How could I make her see I was 'lonely' when she couldn't even understand why I'd built my village in the first place! "You wanna know what happened to me!" I shriek, levitating onto the map and firing a beam into it. I know exactly where to take them and make their bleeding hearts really spill for me. "I'll show you!
Gears of light emerge from the map and churn above us. I could still feel my heart pounding from the adrenaline rush of rage as we are sucked in.
The three of us are thrust into a calm village, a paradise compared to that wasteland. Dozens of houses are scattered randomly around a grass field, and a dirt path cuts through the middle of one lane of these unorganized houses.
Nameless and off in the farthest corner of Equestria, just as my village without cutie marks was, this was where I grew up with a nanny that didn't give one barrel of crap about who would adopt me, and my best friend, Sunburst.
I lead Twilight and her dragon through the story of how I lost my friend after he'd gotten his cutie mark from stopping a tower of books from crushing me underneath, and how he was taken to Canterlot to live out his destiny, leaving me behind never to see him again. I omit most of the story, though. None of this would work if she knew just how bitter I became towards those who thought they were better than anypony else, and, by extension, how my power came to be.
The truth is, I was never bitter at Sunburst. In fact, I was rather happy he'd gotten what he'd always wanted. Why would I suddenly try to become a dictator of equality just because my one friend was taken away from me without him bothering to say goodbye? Come on, now, how petty do you think I am? From what I heard, something similar happened to almost half of the ponies in this town, and they didn't go mad.
But what really drove me to bitterness? I was alone again. Nearly everypony in the town was an adult, and the fillies and colts I saw everyday were my bunkmates at the foster home I was imprisoned at! And then there was that grumpy nag, who I won't mention again. Everyone there all said one day I'd be taken in by somepony who'd love me like Sunburst did, but do you see the problem with a small town? There are only a handful of ponies fit to be parents, and those already have foals!
By the time I'd found my special talent in magic, a few days shy from reaching marehood, I came to the bitter realization that nopony wants to adopt a filly who already has their cutie mark. I didn't have a reason to stay, and nopony would care if one orphan went missing.
So I decided to follow in Sunburst's hoofsteps. We were both talented in magic, both bookworms, both ambitious; reconnecting would be easy with two ponies that were the same. And he was currently enrolled in the adult classes for Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, so I could easily sign up, too.
The entry exam they gave me was no skin off my flank, enacting my crystal imprisonment spell on one of the snobbish professors who muttered that I should have enrolled in my fillyhood, when I had a better chance to learn. He deserved it, though. I worked hard to make this spell; using it for the first time was how I'd gotten my cutie mark, after all.
You'd think with all that raw power, they'd send me into this school, right? Of course not; fate had no kindness to me before, why shouldn't it have offered it now?
They rejected my enrollment, deeming me and my spell, 'too reckless'! So I used that spell on him. It wasn't going to kill the guy, and I could clearly see the awe on their faces! They had no right to reject me!
But still I tried to get in, year after year, my magic growing in power as I grew in age. Sometimes in between entry exams I wondered if I was learning more by studying and practicing there than if I actually got enrolled into the school. Without the challenge of trying to get in, would my determination to learn decrease?
I don't suppose the question mattered, though. The most recent year, before I gave up, I found out that Sunburst had graduated and moved on to an advanced mage academy in Zebrica. If I could show the professors that I was just as, or even more so than him, talented in magic, maybe I could finally reunite with him.
But remember what I said about fate and its lack of kindness?
They didn't even let me try the last time. They even brought in their almighty princess and had her sit me down for a lecture about my magic. She offered her opinion that the way I used my magic was dangerous, and if I didn't let go of whatever was 'keeping me from controlling it', I would end up destroying myself.
I'd entered the foulest slump after that. All I wanted was my friend and our friendship back to what it was, when we both had the equal amount of raw talent and were always there for each other! How could anypony, much less Equestria's sole ruler, keep me from that! Did she fail to realize that my bitterness was what drove my power in the first place, that it was the standing point between harmony and chaos that helped me control my magic!
That's when I realized, we were raised to reach for our dreams and not let any obstacle bring us down; especially if that obstacle is another pony with greater talent than you. We are groomed to believe we're better than everypony else, only to find out that there's always somepony even better than you. If that's the case, why bother building your talents only to get shot down by superiors who think they know you?
You can guess where that lead to; my village of glorious equality, where I built true friendships with the ponies who saw the light of knowing their cutie marks were lies. Everything was perfect there. No judgment over your style of using magic, no prejudice of how talented you are or are not, no losing your friends to your differences. Until Twilight came along. The rest is bitter history.
Then that brat of a dragon speaks up, having the nerve to ask why I never saw Sunburst again. Does he not understand that a cutie mark took my only friend away! That Twilight's lies about cutie marks took my newer friends away, too!
"That's ridiculous," says Twilight, responding to my outburst of losing Sunburst. "A cutie mark can't take your friends away."
You would say differently if your brother had to move to the Crystal Empire when he got his cutie mark, I think. She would know nothing of the pain I felt unless she herself saw that cutie marks weren't all happy-go-lucky. "Not everypony's lucky enough to get their cutie mark at the same time as their friends!"
I open a new portal, taking us back to Cloudsdale, intent on bringing my plan to the next step. That dragon had the scroll I'd modified left carelessly in the backpack he wore, and when I started my bluff, I had to play it right to make Twilight think I still wanted to stop the Rainboom.
Taking the scroll away was laughably easy, and the looks on both their faces showed how they regretted their carelessness. I begin tearing the scroll, slowly and carefully, as if enjoying my triumph.
And as I prepared for, Twilight begins trying to talk me out of it, going on about how I was right to feel bitter, and how the Magic of Friendship runs strong in her and her friends, and how Equestria will be doomed unless I reconcile.
Of course, I can see her point in the latter. I was foolish for wasting my time with her; I should have torn the scroll right at the get-go so I could have stopped all Equestria's disasters, and therefore founded my new land of equality.
We continue to argue, Twilight insisting that Equestria needs her and her friends, and I bluffing that friendship cannot be so important. The Alicorn starts advancing tentatively towards me, giving a sermon that because her friends are different from her, she had her own friendship grow, but I'm not listening. I tune out the meaning but listen to the words, focusing instead on the countless rejections from Celestia's school to fuel my pain, to make it seem like her words are actually reaching me.
"I thought Sunburst and I were the same," I choke, thinking about when I found out he'd moved to Zebrica, and Celestia herself rejecting my raw potential, denying it as only hurting myself. "But we turned out different, and it tore our friendship apart!"
"So try again! Make new friends!" Twilight starts flying over me, eyes drilling into me pleadingly. "And if something that you can't control happens that changes things, work through it together! That's what friendship is!"
This was what I wanted to hear. Suggesting that I should make new friends was the pull that told me I had her. As the Princess of Friendship, she'd personally become my friend, bringing me closer to her . . . I practically had her eating my lies like the sweetest candy. And the others would follow soon after . . .
"How do I know they won't all end the same way?"
"I guess it's up to you to make sure they don't." She offers her hoof to me.
Rainbow flies past us, and I have to restrain myself from doing anything more than looking at her. I've come so far from my village, Twilight Sparkle, but you will not take my village of equality again. Even if it takes the rest of my life, I'll wait for the right moment to rip those damn cutie marks off the flanks of you and your friends.
I cover the thought with a bittersweet smile as I place my own hoof into hers and drop the scroll. The dragon leans out and grabs it out of the air.
The Sonic Rainboom echoes across Cloudsdale, its wind billowing gently through my mane, unlike the harsh wind of that wasteland. The final time portal opens, and we are taken back to Twilight's castle, which is very much whole and untarnished.
So I 'failed'. It doesn't matter in the long run, does it? If I can't destroy Twilight Sparkle's past, then I'll settle with destroying her future. I have all the time I'll ever need to rebuild my reservoir, and when I have the opportunity, I'll use it to destroy her and her friends.
I don't know how long it's been since 'reforming' and 'befriending' the Mane Six--ugh, if I ever find who came up with that name, I'll have them hung up above city hall with Twilight and her friends to make an example to my future subjects--anyway, Twilight and her friends, I had 'made amends' with them, and now they think we're all hunky-dory.
But like I said, I'm not sure how long it's been. It feels like it's been a whole year, but Pinkie Pie has told me many times that it's only been a few months. She'd said that the time between first meeting Twilight and her getting her wings felt like two years, four months, and six days, but in actuality was about a year. Whatever that means.
I'll admit, after we broke the time loop, I was genuinely worried when those girls were deciding my fate, even though I already knew that Twilight was mine from the moment we let the Rainboom happen. She's far too forgiving for her own good, and so are most of the others. But Applejack . . . I could tell I had to step up my act with her. I could swear she could see right past me the moment she saw me. As the Element of Honesty, you'd think she couldn't discern a lie from truth.
But I suppose it didn't matter what she thought of me. They had unanimously decided to make me their friend.
I had them all lulled into security under my hooves. Well, maybe not Applejack as of yet, but she'd embraced me with a choking hug, so that had to say something about her trust.
Nonetheless, they had all fallen for my innocence; soon enough they'd come to trust me, like the sweetest butterfly. I even sang a nice little song to establish my 'desire for friendship' and hung out with each of them. Trying out dresses with Rarity. Petting animals with Fluttershy. Flying with Rainbow. Bucking with Applejack. Cupcakes with Pinkie Pie. (Why are you looking at me like that?) And reading with Twilight.
I had even returned to my village and 'made amends' with the ponies I'd taken in when nopony cared about them. I had given them a home, friendship without comparison to one another, and they repaid me by uprooting my authority and running me out of my own village!
But who am I to hold grudges against ponies who didn't know any better? Princess Twilight simply poisoned their minds and turned them against me. Once I reestablish my hold on their cutie marks, they'll remember why they came to me in the first place. They'll realize their mistake and come kissing my hooves.
But you know the oddest thing about this friendship thing? Twilight Sparkle is a hypocrite.
Let me explain, if you please. Twilight Sparkle's lived the whole Ponyville portion of her life being told to make friends, treat them as she would treat them herself; be kind to them, never lie to them, make them smile, and never abandon them. Oh, she has done so, believe me. Except, she's done so to every single one of her friends . . . except for that pet of hers she call her friend.
In my time of spying on Twilight, I've seen him dismissed from going to the Grand Galloping Gala, something in which he'd confided in me that he wanted to come along to, been scolded, pushed around, and made her personal cook and servant. Sounds like quite the satisfying existence . . . for her that is.
But tiny as he may be, he might just play a crucial part in putting in motion my revenge, if I play my cards right, just as I did at the end of the time loop. Just a few words to uproot his trust in Twilight, and he'll be all mine to play with.
Just like a spider, you deceived and lured my only friends away from me, Twilight Sparkle. So I'll do the same with your little pet; except I'll be the one to have triumph through my lies.
