Two Background Ponies Revisit Season Five

Appleloosa's Most Wanted

In a large auditorium, a group of rather sore, embarrassed, stressed, and otherwise miserable ponies were all looking to the front stage. A rather monotone pony with thick glasses and looking to be older than most was standing at the podium, reading over a printed sheet. Hanging above him on a large banner were the huge letters: "S.P.C.M.A".

"...Before our biweekly session of 'Sub-Par Cutie Marks Anonymous' gets started, we have an announcement. Troubleshoes Clyde, a member of SPCMA for over 30 years, has finally found gainful employment and the chance to live his dream of working in a rodeo by becoming a rodeo clown in the township of Appleloosa."

A chorus of applause came from the audience. The pony at the podium immediately grimaced.

"...And we should probably also thank the mayor of Appleloosa for allowing him to keep that position after that incident with the bleachers killed 8 ponies and fillies in all..."

Much quieter and more uneasy applause this time.

"...Right. First order of business, and that is welcoming new members."

Immediately, the pony stood to one side, allowing a green stallion with a Find-the-Difference picture for a Cutie Mark walk up on stage and to the podium. He gave a weak wave to the crowd.

"Hello everyone, I'm Incarlsistency, and my special talent is finding inconsistencies in everything."

The crowd stared blankly back for a moment, before many of them frowned. Some groaned. Others rolled their eyes and angrily muttered. Suddenly, one stallion covered with third-degree burns and bandages shot to his feet.

"That's it?! Inconsistencies?! You're here for inconsistencies?!"

Carl looked a little taken aback. "Well, uh...yeah. My talent causes me a lot of problems at home. I'm constantly annoying my family and friends and-"

"You want to know what my talent is, 'Incarlsistency'?!" The pony cut off angrily.

Carl blinked. "Not...not really, but-"

"Setting things on fire!" He screamed. "I can't stop myself! I lit my little sister's hair on fire when she was six, man! I can't wear a coat in winter because I set it on fire while I'm wearing it! A quarter of my skin won't ever grow back!"

Another angry mare shot up with mascara running down her cheeks from crying. "My talent is blowing up moving trains!" She cried. "Not stationary trains...moving ones! With ponies in them! Luna, I still hear the screams every time I try to go to sleep!"

"Your family and friends get 'annoyed' at your inconsistencies?" Another angry mare with gnarled hooves, a cropped mane, and big muscles shouted as she stood up. "My family abandoned me when they found out my special talent was being a furrier! First I turned their pet rabbits into slippers, and then I tried to skin my husband to make work gloves in my sleep! You ever try to skin your family and friends alive and cure their hides while they were asleep, 'Incarlsistency'?!"

The green stallion swallowed. "Um...no. But I have this one nephew that I'd really like to-"

"You know what my name is?!" A stallion looking like a shell of a pony in a full length trench coat said as he shot to his feet. "Puppy Lover! Yeah, sounds like a great name, doesn't it? Sounds so cute and innocent and sweet... Well, 'Incarlsistency'...look at what my Cutie Mark is!"

Some in the audience quickly covered their eyes before the stallion dropped his trench coat, exposing his mark. Carl gasped in horror.

"Oh my Celestia, dude! What the hell are you doing to that dog on that thing?!"

"I can't get a job! I can't go out in daylight! Fathers I never met punch me in the face while mothers drag their kids away from me!" The stallion went on. "And if you own a dog...oh, man, if you own a dog... You know how many towns I had to move out of because someone took their puppy for a walk in front of my house?!"

"Boo him out of here!" The burnt stallion screamed, pointing an accusing hoof at Carl.

As the place erupted into an angry uproar and began to pelt the green stallion with whatever they had on hand, he immediately covered his head and ran while he could.

At a cafe in Ponyville, a single blue stallion with a Cutie Mark of a human ear calmly ate cookies as he read the paper. After finishing his latest one, he looked up into the air with a smile.

"So much more relaxing when Carl is out some weeks. And yet..."

He slowly looked to his own Cutie Mark, then back to the sky.

"I feel strangely...unfulfilled."

Loud wailing and sobbing could be heard from the front doors of a small rented room elsewhere, this one with a different banner hanging on it: "U.C.A. ~ Underused Characters Anonymous". Inside, a ring of ponies and other creatures were seated, and a buffalo with a single feather headdress was bowing her head and sobbing loudly as a griffon patted her on the back.

"And...and then..." She sobbed. "When they finally set another episode completely in Appleloosa...I didn't even appear as a background character!" She wailed even louder for a moment, but then sniffled as she composed himself. "You know...some...sometimes I think...we were all just created as gimmicks for one episode..."

"Now that is just not true." An old donkey wearing a blond toupee spoke up.

"Pft, stop complaining. You know what happened to me? There I was, poised to conquer Canterlot..."

"Chrysalis, we've all heard that testimony a dozen times before and it's Little Proudheart's turn to talk."

"Strongheart!"

"Whatever."

Um, that reminds me, Carl. I want to apologize.

Huh? You do? For what?

For just being happy at the time that you tried out S.P.C.M.A. I know why you did it now...because you know that me, Dawn, and everyone else sometimes gets annoyed at your talent and everything... You're basically trying to change who you are in order to make me happy, and...that's a pretty big step, dude. And I'm sorry if I pressured you into it.

Aw, no problem, Sam. I'm glad you feel that way. Because I actually talked to the group again and they were sorry for booing me out too and let me back in!

Oh, really? That's great!

Yeah! And since you're feeling so bad about it, I guess you won't be mad that I told them all we could hold the next small group meeting at your place since it's clean and has the big dining room table!

WHAT?!

Uh, you should probably put away anything flammable and made of fur before Wednesday. Especially dogs.