Two Background Ponies Revisit Season Five

The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone

"...So I say to myself, why do we incorporate fur so much into all of our clothes? I thought we were herbivores? I thought we take care of all of these little critters and such running around?"

"Well, you never complained about all those people in Appleloosa wearing leather, Carl." Sam answered with a shrug as he leaned back in his chair.

Carl, in response, stared off into space a moment. Sam immediately facehooved.

"Damnit, me and my big mouth..." He quickly thought of something to change the subject, and reached into his saddlebag and pulled out a book. "Uh, um...here, Carl. Here's the new book I'm reading."

The green stallion snapped out of it after a moment, much to the blue stallion's relief, and looked to the cover. He quirked a brow. "'Friendship is Capitalism: How Greater Friendship Leads to a Greater Economy' by Ayn Rein?"

"Yeah, now that I'm married, I need to make sure my money goes farther."

Carl looked up and gave him an eyebrow quirk. "Wait...I thought friendship is magic?"

"There's a rather complex algorithm to explain it. Say you had three friends, and all of you got together and bought a barrel of crude oil..."

Before Sam could continue, the waitress came by and dropped off their plate of cookies. Both of them immediately took one up and began to eat them, before both gagged, turned to one side, spat them out, and then wiped their tongues furiously.

"Dude! What in Equestria was that?! It tasted deep-fried crap-I-scrape-out-from-under-the-stove!"

"Oh, sorry about that. I should have mentioned it before." The waitress answered. "We're out of baking powder."

Carl blinked and stared at her. "...Baking powder? You didn't put baking powder into the cookies, and that's what turns them from delicious to..." He gave a look at the cookies, and gaped in horror. "What the hell...?! These things look like a troll's turd! What the heck do you bake them with?"

The waitress shrugged. "Just the usual. Eight cups of crushed gravel, two cups of grass clippings, four tablespoons of salt, one and a half teaspoons of pitch, and then a dash of baking powder."

Carl's jaw hit the table. He whirled to Sam. "You mean we've been eating barely digestible crap for years...and baking powder is the only reason it's any good?!"

"Dude, baking powder makes everything better." Sam answered with a shrug. "Didn't your mom ever make you a quick shake?"

"...Quick shake?"

Sam returned to his saddlebags, rummaged around a bit, and came out with a glass and an 'instant packet' of baking powder. He proceeded to dip the glass into the nearest mud puddle, scooped out a bunch of it, and then set it in front of Carl. A moment later, he ripped open the baking powder and dumped it in. In a magic flash...it turned into a chocolate shake with whipped cream and a genuine cherry, not canned or stemmed. He pushed it in front of the gaping Carl.

"There you go."

Carl could only blink and stammer. "But...but, but...but how...?"

"Dude. We have one farmer in Ponyville and she only grows apples...and that one field of corn which may or may not have been put there by Discord just to make popcorn. How do you think we have all these different types of food around here?"

Carl stared a bit longer, then finally slumped and groaned.

"This one's going to take a while for me to process before I can start complaining about it, Sam..." He moaned...before subconsciously pulling the chocolate shake over and taking a sip. He lit up a little.

"...Tasty shake, though."

"Ok, this week on the UCA agenda..."

"Wait just a second...why the hell isn't Gilda hosting this meeting?"

"..."

"Don't tell me..."

"I...thought you found out in our electronic newslet-"

"Damnit, if they make 'Angela Lansbury' the season finale villain instead of me, so help me...!"

Speaking of 'the Monarch'...is she happy now?

Of course I'm not, moron.

GAH!

Holy Celestia! How'd you get in here?!

All I got was a callback and as much screen time as 'Pony Sauron'. And they actually had the audacity to put the Flim-Flam Brothers on my footing! They'll only be able to sell 'Clear Eyes' and Motel 6 ads by the time I'm done feeding on those apple-flanked pieces of...

Come on, Sam... While she's gloating...

Right behind you...