Fallout: Equestria - Time Can Bring You Down

Sometimes, I wonder how life would've been if I never listened to my mother. She told me the world was a rough place, and the only thing I had for sure was the revolver between my teeth. I was only a tiny filly back then, with a brain smooth as river water.

The night sky greeted me while I smoked on Chapel's balcony. His apartment was... well, cozy, let's just say. I didn't like it, but I had a thing for him. It was the only thing I'd had in years. And that made it all the harder to tell myself no. We were enjoying ourselves in his three-room apartment in the middle of a big metropolis. In there, we had our own little slice of Haven.

I rest my hoof against the railing, mesmorized by the sea of lights below me. I tried not to wish for a happy life. Sitting in his apartment for hours, just having sex and drinking my kidneys shot, that was the life. No more of that Institute junk. I glanced back at him... watching the way he tossed and turned in his sleep. Must've been having nightmares. His frown reminded me that my time was short.

When his alarm clock went off, I shut it down without thinking.

Sargent Chapel needed his sleep. And I needed to keep my distance. I didn't like it, but who said I deserved a happy ending. Stained Glass never got one. Neither would I.

The roaming thoughts kept me awake till it was time to leave. He caught me from behind and nuzzled my neck. Warm all over, all I could do was lean against the wall and let him have his fun.

He mounted me and slammed my hips down over and over. What could I do but bite my lip and wish it could last. Even after two days of hard, deep sex, I still loved it. Chapel forced me to make out with him, twisting our muscles in miniature circles. I licked inside him while he hammered me open. I felt myself clinging down there, barely able to stand.

I grunted hard when he touched my cervix. A series of long, gooey ropes kissed my insides, jolting my hips awake. I shook and groaned when violent, sticky noise took my crotch. He held me down and came inside till he was empty.

We slumped over, tired and holding hooves by the end of our morning. I motioned for a kiss, anything romantic. But, when we met halfway, we glanced somewhere else and settled for cuddling. At that moment, I knew as much as he did that we were done. We were just two ponies in the right place at the wrong time, missing wishes we made.

Wasn't before long that we dressed and shared a guilty, heavy kiss. I pressed him against the wall and had my way with his mouth. I could taste the whiskey in him, all that old irish charm. We held hooves when we could, burning bridges when somepony else saw us.

We stayed at my cell, awaiting the orders from the puppet masters. Couldn't speak a word without wondering about what would happen. Sargeant Chapel didn't leave his trademark grimace. When he did, it was only on eye-contact. I couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to lean on him. I could just collapse on him for the rest of my life.

Us mercs... we pretend we don't have feelings so it's easier to do what we do. We pretend we don't have wants and needs. But we do. Some of us forget what it is that jaded us so harshly. Others remember it just before we shut ourselves away. I was the second type. I knew exactly why I couldn't stay.

I had it all before. Losing what I did almost put me down for good. I caught myself staring up at him, entranced in his bright, starry magentas. When Chapel pressed his lips against mine, I felt a tear slide down my cheek. He brushed my mane aside and I bit my lip as more came down.

"Will I ever see you again...?"

"I promise. It might not be the same you. Or the same me. But we'll be happy. Somehow"

I held his cheeks and watched him cry, wiping tears away from the one stallion I had left. His swollen, blood-kissed eyes said the words 'I love you.' We shared a glance in time, watching the world come crashing down. With it, we fell too, done pretending. Done faking that we could never feel a thing. My coat was warm against his, brushing smoothly, brushing rightly.

I heard the sound of crackling energy. So I closed my eyes and said to him

"I'll miss you "

I felt my ears perk skyward as a warm voice soothed my senses.

"Ms. Calypso...? When can I see my mommy...?"

Out from the corner of the stairway, I saw her bright, blue eyes. It was that kid Mother stuck with me. Only, she seemed older than I remembered. Seeing her face, that old twinkle in her eyes... it felt nice having a child of my own. Reminded me of what could have been if everything worked out like it was supposed to.

Her question caught me off-guard. Did my best to answer by downing some Glimmer Lager.

"Soon, Pane. Really soon."

The old mare was always picky about when she tagged along. Maybe it was just me growing soft. But I didn't remember a single day she went unhappy at my house. It was a total death trap, honestly. Her mom could find me at anytime. She could burst through the door at any moment and pop one right in my head. But, as cruel as Mother was... I didn't mind if I had one more day with Pane.

Pane stared up, tilting her head with a plethora of questions.

"Are you sure...?"

I nodded softly, filling my .44 with six rounds.

"Yeah..."

I sat there and watched her smile that ditzy little smile of hers. Couldn't place why, but the sunset could move me less. I missed her. I missed my little girl. What was a mare to do but keep her baby close wherever she could. If I had her then, or even a few years earlier, maybe I'd be a better mare because of it. Instead, I sat my ass down in Diamond City looking for a reason to drink and tell her old contract stories.

My gut told me to not get attached. But my heart, what was left of it, went out to her.

In the door walked an old 'friend' of mine. XJ-99. She waltzed right in with those big glasses of hers. The coat tails of her courser outfit swayed lazily in the wake of every step. She always moved the same. XJ-99 was an efficiency person. Never wasted words or movement.

I leaned in and said my piece.

"Keep waltzing in like that and one day I might shoot you for it."

I went back to polishing my .44 when she kept walking.

"My apologies. But I don't care. New orders for you. One of our scientists left the Institute. She's gone rogue. Name's Doctor Grand Virgin. We know she's fled to the Radiant Sea. Here's the file."

Took the file and asked some questions. None too serious. Just the important ones.

"Wow. Some ships are gonna sail for this. Hostage situation or should I neutralize her?"

"End her. She was contributing to a large project."

"Bioscience, huh? Never did like the idea of being studied."

Answered me with no emotion whatsoever. Even though she had the decency to make eye-contact, it didn't feel genuine. She finished up and stood next to Pane. Little girl had guts, not even flinching around XJ-99 like that. Half of it was her bubbly innocence. The other half was being one of us. Deep down, I knew she must've felt off. But she was just too happy to pay attention. Usually, all kids were.

I started a cigar and spoke in a murmur.

"Guess that means you'll be taking the kid back, too..."

"Affirmitive."

Pane did her puppy eyes and asked 'so you're taking me home to my mommy?'

Didnt take much for XJ-99 to lie, even if it wasn't technically wrong. They answered with a simple 'yes, now hold still.'

I watched them leave as an old, energy signature colored the air blue. It flicked about in harsh spasms of cyan electricity. The teleportation frequency fired up from XJ-99's old pocket radio and the kid said bye. Standing next to that old Zebra XJ-99, I couldn't help but survey every movement she made. If XJ-99 even thought about mistreating Pane, I'd pull up my revolver and blow her head off.

"Goodbye Ms. Calypso...! I'll miss you!"

I stared at my revolver, staying still till they left. The silence kept me safe. No one was watching.

"Bye."

I closed my eyes and took a sip of Glimmer Lager, taking momentary puffs of Sand Francisco Sunlights.

Glanced over my shoulder at the picture Pane drew for me. Sure it was made from white chalk and that didn't work well on paper. But who was I to judge. Taking that last sip of lager brought me back to my senses. I spent the rest of my night looking for a magnet of some sort. But when I couldn't find one, I settled for duct tape.

Was around midnight before I found myself at the fridge... staring at the picture Pane drew for me.

Couldn't see anything. Pane said it was us playing some baseball together. I took it off the fridge and put it in my pack.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make it in time. I'll miss you too, Pane. Take care of your mother. She really loves you. Make sure you love her back."

I left the holotape with the picture and started off toward Fort Haygen. I kept my memories with me, hidden away where no one could find it. I kept them safe behind the wall around my heart and kept my secrets in a jar labelled with his name in big, bold letters. I took a deep breath and started off toward the fort.

Outside, I could hear a couple mourning the loss of their son. I would have lied to them if I could, but that wasn't right. Telling them to look up and remember that he was there wouldn't do anything. Nopony was watching.

Nopony was up there.

We were all just children grasping for a nightlight. Missing wishes we made.