Fallout: Equestria - Time Can Bring You Down

by BloodyBubblegum

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Science Fiction, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Sad, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 8456

Calypso is a gun for hire. When she completes a contract that alters the very fabric of space and time, she finds herself in more trouble than she bargained for.

Calypso is an average hired gun in the wastes. But when one of her contracts goes horribly right, she finds herself in more trouble than she realized. Her actions cost the world time itself.

Published 2015-12-02 00:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-10 23:51:00 UTC

Chapter One: Missing Wishes

"Wake up. It's time to see the world."

First words I heard after surgery. They accommpanied the indescribable blindness that followed. I remember waking up to a flash of light too brilliant for my eyes. It was rapturous. Incandescent. When I woke, I was free.

I wasn't asleep anymore.

There were old, bulky computers and machinations lining the walls. And the walls were more vast than I remembered, washed with grey from the cryogenic mist over my eyes. The rest was history. Those were my first memories of 'home', if you can call it that. I sometimes wonder if that was better than this... all this sex and violence and crime.

I put down my old holotape recorder and let it sit on a nearby coffee table. My eyes were fixed on the body in front of me. Her name was Calypso. It reminded me of what I was. Maybe she could've been happy if I never pulled the trigger. She was just a contract. Just caps. And sometimes dollars, if you rolled with triggermares.

Her face, her perfect mane and eyes. They were mine. I levitated an old silver hoof mirror up to my new face. It was prettier than I'd expected. I didn't want to admit it, but I loved being... free. Even if my freedom meant shooting people in the back to keep it.

I felt my ears perk skyward as a warm voice soothed my senses.

"Ms. Calypso...? When can I see my mommy...?"

Out from the corner of the stairway, I saw her bright, blue eyes. It was that kid Mother stuck with me. Only, she seemed older than I remembered. Seeing her face, that old twinkle in her eyes... it felt nice having a child of my own. Reminded me of what could have been if everything worked out like it was supposed to.

Her question caught me off-guard. Did my best to answer by downing some Glimmer Lager.

"I... I think soon. You'll get to see her soon, Pane."

The old mare was always picky about when she tagged along. Maybe it was just me growing soft. But I didn't remember a single day she went unhappy at my house. It was a total death trap, honestly. Her mom could find me at anytime. She could burst through the door at any moment and pop one right in my head. But, as cruel as Mother was... I didn't mind if I had one more day with Pane.

Pane looked back up, tilting her head with a plethora of questions.

"Are you sure...?"

I nodded softly, working a smile over my lips. Must've looked odd with that vivid gash over my eye.

"Yeah... Yeah I'm sure."

I sat there and watched her smile that ditzy little smile of hers. Couldn't place why, but the sunset could move me less. I missed her. I missed my little girl. What was a mare to do but keep her baby close wherever she could. If I had her then, or even a few years earlier, maybe I'd be a better mare because of it. Instead, I sat my ass down in Diamond City looking for a reason to drink and tell her old contract stories.

My gut told me to not get attached. But my heart, what was left of it, went out to her.

That poor filly, waiting for her family. She was sitting there with me and not her real mother. I did my best to smile. Even took effort just to frown the same. It strained my face just to try and pretend we were okay, me and her in our own little world.

In the door walked an old 'friend' of mine. XJ-99. She waltzed right in with those big glasses of hers. The coat tails of her courser outfit swayed lazily in the wake of every step. She always moved the same. XJ-99 was an efficiency person. Never wasted words or movement.

I leaned in and said my piece.

"Keep waltzing in like that and one day I might shoot you for it."

I went back to polishing my .44 when she kept walking.

"My apologies. But I don't care. New orders for you. One of our scientists left the Institute. She's gone rogue. Name's Doctor Grand Virgin. We know she's fled to the Radiant Sea. Here's the file."

Took the file and asked some questions. None too serious. Just the important ones.

"Wow. Some pigs are gonna fly for this. Hostage situation or should I neutralize her?"

"End her. She was contributing to a large project."

"Big bioscience player, huh? Sorry to hear that."

Typical. Answered me with no emotion whatsoever. Even though she had the decency to make eye-contact, it didn't feel genuine. She finished up and stood next to Pane. Little girl had guts, not even flinching around XJ-99 like that. Half of it was her bubbly innocence. The other half was being one of us. Deep down, I knew she must've felt off. But she was just too happy to pay attention. Usually, all kids were.

I started a cigar and spoke in a murmur.

"Guess that means you'll be taking the kid back, too..."

"Affirmitive."

Pane did her puppy eyes and asked 'so you're taking me home to my mommy?'

Didnt take much for XJ-99 to lie, even if it wasn't technically wrong. They answered with a simple 'yes, now hold still.'

I watched them leave as an old, cozy energy signature colored the air blue. It flicked about in harsh spasms of cyan electricity. The teleportation frequency fired up from XJ-99's old pocket radio and the kid said bye. Standing next to that old Zebra XJ-99, I couldn't help but survey every movement she made. If XJ-99 even thought about mistreating Pane, I'd pull up my revolver and blow her head off.

"Goodbye Ms. Calypso...! I'll miss you!"

I flinched and stayed quiet till they left. The silence kept me safe. Made me feel like no one was watching.

"I'll miss you too."

I closed my eyes and had a nice sip of Glimmer Lager, taking momentary puffs of Sand Francisco Sunlights.

Stared over my shoulder at the picture Pane drew for me. Sure it was made from white chalk and that didn't work well on paper. But who was I to judge. Taking that last sip of lager brought me back to my senses. I spent the rest of my night looking for a magnet of some sort. But when I couldn't find one, I settled for duct tape.

Was around midnight before I found myself smiling at the fridge... staring at that picture Pane drew for me.

Couldn't see anything. But Pane said it was us playing some baseball together.

Chapter Two: Too Late

I waited for her in Fort Hagen. Chose the most fortified room with the least amount of easy entrances. Shame it didn't do me any good. I could hear the synths being demolished by the minute. Sound travelled easily through old, dusty forts. I stood idle near the center of the room protected by six or seven of the Gen. II synthetics, feigning squeezes on the pressure-sensitive handle of my .44

The mare had it in for me. No matter how many synths I threw at her, no matter how hard they hit, she just wouldn't drop. I felt the pressure sweating me dry. The worst part was not having visual on Pane's mother. Yeah. That's who was charging after me. In some small way, I can admit I wished I had a mom like her. Mine spent her time drinking and beating my ears purple.

Speaking of which, I felt my ears perk up when the explosions grew closer. I figured it was turrets blowing up to bits. Figured she was just throwing grenades. But the sound of it said... the boom was too concentrated for a pineapple. I felt my shoulders tense thinking about how she found me. I'd seen coursers do worse hunting. My nerves, even though I couldn't feel them, were melting in my skin.

While I waited for her to find me, I checked my pack to find my stealthbucks where I left them. They were nothing like Canterlot stealthbucks, but they got the job done. If I'd want to survive Pane's mother, I'd have to be smart about it. When I heard the last turret down the hall blow to bits, I raised my forelegs in a gesture of peace.

We met face-to-face in that cold and musty research room. Only thing louder than the sound of my heartbeat was the sound of her heavy, feral panting. From the way she glared up at me with those hazy blue eyes, I could've sworn she was the reaper herself. I could see a stimpak still stuck in her left forearm, just like the psycho pack right next to it. She spat a combat knife out from between her teeth and let it fall to the ground. The blade was covered in circuits and wire segments, stuck together by blood.

She had that primal look about her, not too different from a rabid dog sizing up it's meal.

"Well, if it isn't the toughest mare in the Commonwealth... thought that title was mine."

Pane's mother wore an old army uniform and nothing but a combat chest piece. No helmet. No boots. No nothing. First thing she did was stick her 10mm right in my face and press the burning barrel against my muzzle.

"Where the hell is my daughter...?"

Stained Glass. That was her name. Couldn't tell why but I knew there was some meaning to it. She came fresh out of that icebox halfway across the wasteland with nothing more than her willpower. In her eyes were the same fire I had when someone took my kid. Only, her's was waiting for her. And deep down, she knew that.

I respected a lot more than her guts. So I kept quiet and didn't make any sudden movements.

"Pane...? Good girl. She's in a safer place. Older than you'd expect, but... still not here. She's in the big leagues now."

Her brow didn't even furrow. Stained Glass didn't show anything.

"I don't care who she's with. Where is she..."

I knew that face anywhere. I went and made her angry. But it wasn't that normal type of anger. No, it wasn't about shooting me, or beating me down. It was about getting me out of the picture. In a way, it felt like looking back at myself, only, a me I could tolerate.

That made me smile.

I had to smile, or I'd start getting weepy.

"What's the cliché...? 'So close yet so far away'? That's Pane right now." I said, doing my best not to choke up.

"Don't worry, she- she's in good hands. She's in a safe place now. The Institute."

Her lip pursed tightly and she bore her fangs with a scowl, letting her eyes fall down

"Canterlot. China. Doesn't matter where. Doesn't matter how. I'll find my daughter."

From that moment on, I realized how badly I wanted her to find Pane. I realized how much I adored her. It wasn't worship, or fandom, but hell, it was eye-opening. I didn't want to lose Pane myself. No matter how hard I tried to annex her from my list of people I cared for, she was always number one.

Pane had the same eyes as my little girl. My Merry.

I felt my shoulders tense as my teeth begged me to clamp down and shoot her.

"Ha... that's the spirit. I'm actually finding myself... liking you."

I tried not to waver when I realized her eyes had softened seeing the water in mine. It was barely noticeable. Bet there wasn't enough light in the room to see it. But the reason ponies like me worked so well in the contract business was our attention to detail. Our perception made sure we knew how to adapt to situations, even before they happened.

"If I could've done things right, maybe we wouldn't have to be here. I think- I think we've talked enough. We both know how this ends. So... let's end this."

I saw her crouch as low as she could.

Then she whispered through her teeth "Let's."

As soon as she reached for her pipbuck, I slammed my hoof down on the nearest stealthbuck and mirrored her stance. Stained Glass didn't even have to aim. Her hazy, glacial eyes never left me. Instead, it was her horn guiding the gun wherever it needed to be. She wasn't using her vision so much as her attention to detail. When all the synths were fried and the bits of shrapnel struck my armor, she found me.

I knew she deserved to live.

I knew my time was over. If I died, she'd get to see Pane again. They might not have been happy at first, but she'd deal with her kid's secret in time. Blood was more than skin deep. Blood was over thousands of years of community and bond. She had every right to shoot me dead and spit on my grave. But I was too selfish. I was too attached.

When she aimed her 10mm right at my snout, I caught myself making eye contact. I was afraid. And Stained Glass? Well. To her, android killing machines were child's play.

I fired two times into her chest. I knew the bullets wouldn't completely go through. It was combat armor. I saw her wince, but all she did was bite down on the cork of a whiskey bottle and down the contents. I wasn't going to lose. My hooves went numb as I fired that last shot into her throat, letting my instincts take over.

I only pulled the trigger thinking about me and Pane. Me and my second chance at a real family.

What could I say. I was desperate. And in the end, I ended up taking someone else's life to make myself happier. My eyes went wide as I saw her struggle and grate her lungs out. She got back on her hooves and just kept walking. I grit my teeth and pistol whipped her. Could've sworn I struck her temple. Could've sworn it tore and the servos in my foreleg were damaged just from hitting so hard.

"Not... today...!" She barked, striking me with her bare hooves.

I felt every, single hit. Every single bludgeon bit me down to the bone. I almost lost grip of my pistol. Mama's old .44 was heavy in my grip as I blocked her hits with my elbows, ducked and rushed her down to the floor.

"Luna damn it...!" I screamed, firing two more shots into her neck.

The pure shock finally shut down her legs. Her limbs went limp as she started getting sloppy and started getting heavy-eyed. Came to when I finally had the gull to look her in the eye, tears streaming down my torn and bloody cheeks. I couldn't feel most of my face. But, everywhere else was just as numb. Everywhere except my chest; right through my armor I could feel her last strike crush my ribs in.

"Pane... Pane, baby I'm- I'm comin' for you, I'm still here- still- breathing..."

The last thing she saw was that white light. That's what I reckon we all see before lights out. I felt my hooves hovering over her face. Then, I starting talking. I didn't even know I was.

"It's alright. Everything's gonna be okay."

Her eyes stayed frozen in time. And I stayed over her, shivering all over, biting down on my lip.

I curled into myself realizing what I'd done. Pane would never see her mother again. Behind me started the hiss and crackle of electron signature. Didn't bother to look back. Didn't have the energy. They reared up with thudding footfalls. Combat boots, by the lack of sharpness their heavy steps carried.

"Comradary Calypso. You are under arrest for disrupting the timeline of Equestria C-3 and general crimes against the Commonwealth. You have the right to not answer any of my questions, do you understand? Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law, do you understand? You have the right to an attorney..."

The rest faded out as I let them cuff me and went where they told me.

Chapter Three: Thus Said The Time Police

The whole place was sterile and clean. And, more than once, I did a double-take at how spacious the whole thing was. Must've been something like an office building inside a tiny garage. It was more sizable inside than it was outside. Must've been some egghead space-time engineering. Dimensional transcendence or something equivalent.

Curled up in my cell waiting for whatever execution they had planned. Didn't know what they wanted. But I had the idea it was an interview or some pansy shit like that. Didn't take much longer for someone to click their baton against my cell. The bars were glistening chrome. Not at all like the rusty iron bars I remembered back home.

Outside my cell stood one of those time police ponies.

Couldn't make out his face that well. For whatever reason, everything about it seemed blurred and jumbled. The best I can compare it to is staring at a reflection in a foggy mirror. I knew the muzzle was there and the general shape of a face, but nothing was solid. Almost doubted that I was even awake. That changed when they spoke up in a blank, orderly tone.

"Ms. Calypso. Time to smell the ashes. Sargeant Chapel wants you in the questioning room. No funny business. I'm gonna cuff you and you're gonna follow. There's snacks, too. So be on your best behavior."

Well. Even though I didn't care for many big authority types... some snacks sounded nice. Sure, I didn't have to eat due to the synthetic, biomechanical nature of my body. But non-irradiated snacks were a rare commodity. Sure, I told myself. I'd play along.

"Noted." I responded, following with what little movement the zipties allowed.

We walked for a good, solid ten minutes. The hallways were the same, sickly shade of white as their infirmiry room. Yeah, I spent some time there for decontamination. Happened right before I entered the building. Didn't have to attend a second detox thankfully, so we skipped right past the makeshift shower room. Was one of those yellow canvas setups with a quick spray down. The people manning the chemical shower also wore thin, crinkly hazmat suits. Wasn't any hazmat suit I'd ever seen before, but they were chrome like most of the uniform.

Even the other time police were walking aluminum cans. A few of them guarded the entrance to the questioning room, armed with slim, plastic-framed rifles. I didn't understand why they weren't in armor. But maybe their guns were enough insurance. Kept my head down till I was brought in and stood at the questioning table.

Sure enough, there were snacks on a plate near my end. Some of it was green and crumbly, other snacks were also green but had a cream-filled center. Everything tasted like soy. Soy and sweet with a weak iron aftertaste. Interesting treats. Better than cardboard and ass aftertastes like the fancy lad snack cakes back at home.

Took a few minutes of stuffing my face before the interrogation started. I had the fortune of being interrogated by some stud in the time police. He has this big jawline and a nice scar across his muzzle bridge. The scar was grisly. And that's why it went so well with a handsome face. He stood at the other end of the table leaning on his rifle. Seemed almost... perfect in a way. We started off with small questions. Tiny concepts in the grand scheme of things.

Questions like 'have you ever heard of the GTF' and 'how do you feel, any nausea or cravings for chocolate milk?'

Standard questions were cleared first. Then came the big leagues. I couldn't really determine which thing I wanted more, a second chance, or a place wherever the time police lived. There, I didn't have to kill anymore. Didn't have to work for those miserable shits in the Institute, either. I listened to every word he said, because I couldn't afford to do anything else.

"Ms. Calypso... Do you understand what I'm saying?" He said, gently slippin on round, circular glasses.

I tilted my head to the side and glanced in his general direction.

"What's with all the questions, doc. You know I'm just a puppet. I don't pull any strings. I just do what I'm told. Why don't you answer my questions for a change?" I asked, lighting myself a cigar.

Security was about to reach for me after going wide-eyed. But the stud asking the questions kept him away. Told him to cut me some slack, since I'd already gotten my work cut out for me. Felt relaxed for once. Well, as relaxed as somepony like me could be. I settled my eyes on his, enjoying the bright magenta.

"So tell me, doc... Where did you find all that time to track me down. How did you know I killed her."

The way he pursed his lip for a moment, I could tell he had a problem surrendering his secrets. But, it didn't hurt to tell me something I couldn't exploit. What would I do, build a time machine for myself? I never would've admitted, but the thought crossed my mind. It really did after he told me all about it.

"When you killed Stained Glass, it jeopardized the entirety of Equestria C-3. Everything was thrown off balance. Including the development of our organization. The change was evident when half of our members disappeared and most of Boston reverted to raider territory. That's not good for anyone. And we need you to fix it."

Couldn't understand why killing one parent could do so much. I could've taken care of that kid. She couldn't have made that big of a difference. Or, rather, I couldn't have been that wrong to be the last one standing. I hid my frown with my usual pokerface and leaned back in my seat. The harsh plastic dug into my fur.

"I'm still here. Why can't I do it instead? Can't be that important if it's just one person, right?"

He shot this look at me before staring at his hooves. I couldn't pick it apart at first, but it might've been a glare.

"It's not about what happens. It's about how. And who does it. Significant events don't happen because just anybody has what it takes. Everyone can try their best. But it'll take more than a few directions to rebuild the Commonwealth."

I rolled my eyes, not having it. The colt was nuts. Destiny, fate, all of that malarkey was just a pre-war school of thought. Didn't mean anything in a dog-eat-dog world. He rest his jawline against his hooves and punched something into a typewriter device. Except, it was flatter, had a screen made of light and showed three-dimensional visuals. We settled into our seats, me sitting back and him keeping rigid. He always had perfect posture.

I lit another Sand Francisco Sunlight and started over.

"I think, therefore I am... Mean anything to you?"

He barely thought it over and stood up to trot around.

His back was facing me.

"You think you can take the world all by yourself? You think you can understand the pain of every single person in the wasteland, let alone a small state like Massachusetts...? Because that's what she did. That's what Stained Glass did. She took everyone in when she could. Gave them homes. Gave them food. Gave them everything they needed even when she didn't have to.

What did you do, Calypso. You killed people for money. You didn't build settlements. You never took anyone into your home. How could you ever, and I mean ever do what she did...?"

He leaned in over the table and stared me down.

"The answer is... you can't. Because you aren't a hero. You never even tried. It's a lot more than clearing raider camps. Or lining the right pocket. It's about why you do it. Don't make me regret giving you a second chance. We'll extract you from your cell tomorrow at noon sharp. Then we can use the chronoviewer to show you why you need to do this. Dismissed."

I stopped him by holding his wrist, forcing him to glance back.

"I'll need a way to contact you... for any concerns I might have."

That made him sigh and give me his number. Said I could be excused for three phonecalls. The other guard escorted me to bed and I tried to sleep.

I couldn't really do it.

Chapter Three: Know Thine Enemy

Chapter Three: Know Thine Enemy

I heard the rattle of my cell door. That same colt from yesterday escorted me out. Didn't understand why I couldn't see his face or anypony else's clearly. But it was something to wonder about. I didn't expect much trotting into that small, dusty room. When they turned on the lights, I realized why it was do important. The room couldn't have been bigger than a living room in some shabby apartment down in Hardplum. But, it was anypony's guess why it was equipped with a memory lounger.

I immediately asked Sargeant Chapel 'is that a memory lounger?'

And, without a problem, he said "Yes, but modified."

We went further in till he laid me down inside and got on top of me, fixing various wires and loose portions on the door piece. We shared a few glances here and there, me enjoying myself and him scoffing at my immaturity. What could a mare do but flirt the pain away. After all, my husband had been murdered years ago. I had to cope somehow.

"It reads traces of certain EM frequencies from a portion of someone's brain matter. These EM signatures are what we use to pinpoint where exactly to trace the time trail. That includes alternate realities, too, so we're still working out the flaws and dead ends. Instead of letting us see the submitted brain's memories, along the time trail, this let's us retrace the trail to similar neurobiological structures-"

"Sargeant Chapel, will you please not tell a convicted felon the secrets of our technology!"

One of the eggheads stopped him dead in his tracks. Smart stallion, too. Had a sense of skepticism about him. I grinned lithely and rest my hooves against his chest. Made him blush a few shades.

"I don't mind you on top of me. But maybe you should keep the eggheads calm. I hear nerd rage is dangerous."

"Just think of it as a time travel video capture for now..."

Sargeant Chapel stepped away when he hot glue'd a few wires together and completed a circuit or two. I stared up at the mobile door, realizing the screen wasn't a suspended monitor, like in most memory loungers. This time, the screen was a curved display monitor stretched across the door itself. We got started when some egghead gave Chapel the O.K.

We had a bot to host the brain matter. And, for whatever reason, they had some material from Stained Glass. I wouldn't ask how, or why, but the disembodied brain itself was floating inside the dome of the bot skull. They booted up everything and a few of the eggheads had to scramble around hitting different switches and turning dials.

I stayed quiet as the screen flashed white and overtook my vision.

Inside the time trail, I found myself walking along a narrow hallway. Along it's walls I found an infinite amount of doors. And none of them, I knew, would have memories of Pane. If they did, the few she had would be about a baby; a foal still in infancy didn't do much at all.

Over the roof and even outside the walls, I heard a voice guide me.

"You can go wherever you want, Calypso. This part is about what you see and how you take it. I can guarantee you it won't leave you the same mare. So go on. Take your pick."

Sargeant Chapel. Of course. His voice, out of all the ponies in the laboratory, I'd recognize clearly.

What else could I do but take the first door that called my name. Clicked the door handle in and stayed loose, yet aware of my surroundings. I wasn't prepared to see what I did.

In front of me was a mirror. The glass was covered in steam, fogged up with the rest of the bathroom. I concentrated on my oncoming reglection. I realized I wasn't alone, since there was a stallion staring over my shoulder. His lips curled upward, proud of me. Proud of what he saw. My reflection wasn't mine, but her's; it was Stained Glass' face. Had the same, milky eyes and thousand yard stare. I found my lips moving, even if they really weren't. Then, the words escaped my mouth.

"War never changes."

Chapter Four: Atoms In The Cradle

"You're gonna knock em dead at the Veteran's Ball, honey."

Her husband's words crashed hotly through my ears. And all over, for the first time in years, I felt comfortable. I could've sworn I felt my tear ducts swelling up. When I saw his smile, I could see the love in it. Even in his reflection, the pleasance never left. A small ache started in my chest. I wanted my husband back. I wanted a lot of things back.

"That's the face I fell in love with. And those eyes... don't even get me started." He chuckled, not a care in the world.

I did my best to think of something else. Anything else but Sure Shot and Merry. They were gone. And they were going to stay gone. Staring into the mirror froze everything. Even me. And when time stopped, I heard Stained Glass talking to me.

"That's how it all started. Just an ordinary day in Massachusetts. I shouldn't have taken so much time getting ready. Maybe then I would've had more time with my baby."

I left the mirror and watched her husband take my place, getting ready in all sorts of ways. He started brushing his teeth by levitation. Did the same with him, focusing on his place in the room. Everything was clean and in it's place, nothing like home. That made it easier to lose myself looking at him.

"My love... I miss you, Summer Tides. You were the second best thing to happen to me. The first was when you made us official."

Shit. I felt something stabbing my lungs.

I left the room. Sped away to find a hallway full of nothing but white, clean paint. At least I had room to breathe. I trotted as far away from her husband as possible and ended up between two doorways. In one room, I saw a clean, uniform bedroom. And on the other side, a... crib.

So that was Pane's crib.

That was the life Pane was promised. None of that wasteland slag. I tried not to buckle as I made my way over to see her. She was still just a foal. Younger than a foal, even. She was just a baby. My hoofsteps were dull and dragging while I neared the edge of her crib. I stared again, lost in the memory of my Merry.

"Pane... Mommy's bundle of joy. I'm sorry I couldn't make it. I love you."

I couldn't breathe. I gripped my chest as something alien hit me. I could feel the agony jolting my chest awake. For the first time in years, I felt heartbreak. It made me collapse to my stomach as I curled into myself and grit my teeth. Could barely feel my face when the tears started, rushing warm down my face like laser cutting into my skin. I felt every drop. Every stream.

Barely made it to the end of the memory when the lounger was powered down. Sargeant Chapel kept the others quiet and led me back to the cafeteria. He treated me to ramen and steak.

I tried not to let him see my face. I tried to breathe, drowning in sobs.

Chapter Five: Summitatem Parietum Per Guadens

I slurred my words along while swirlng my wine glass. All that sparkling chardonnay made me bubbly. Giggly, even. Though he and the rest of his friends were around, I only had eyes for one of them. Sargent Chapel shifted awkwardly at the story his squadmates told. They were nothing more than small time privates and subordinates, but something told me they weren't exaggerating.

One bumbling about with his sixth drink told us about his time in D.C

"Should of seen this bastard, ha-! Sarge found a mutie in one of the trenches and the mutie puffed out her chest barkin' about 'supermare crush tiny pony!' And then- hehe-! Then-!"

He burst into chortles that rung our ears. I thought his laugh was hilarious. Contagious, even. He stayed giggling his ass off till he took another sip of rum. Even then, the smirk stayed plastered over his lips.

"Then the sarge slapped him with a canteen and dropped er' right in the trench! Flopped down like a fish!"

The roaring laughter echoed through the mess hall. Even Chapel himself barely held it together. We both lost it when his friend started doing a shitty version of the worm. He was still seated, flailing around and tumbling out his seat. We listened for hours to the stories only his men could tell. I enjoyed the tale about the old deathclaw and the mine cluster.

Before long, we made our way toward the locker room, which was back by his office. He wanted to take me there and put me to bed. But I had other plans. It didn't take much effort. All I had to do was ask if I could shower. He agreed blankly at first, till I leaned against him and nuzzled his chest.

"I'm not gonna wash myself alone... I can't reach much with these zipties." I whispered, batting my eyelashes

We didn't even need foreplay. As soon as I soaped between my thighs, he came up and ground my rear, spreading my cheeks whenever he wanted. I didn't care what people thought of me. I needed some comfort. My coat felt moist with warm water, mist all around us.

I lay my hooves on Sargent Chapel's thighs and took his tip between my lips. He scrunched up tightly and throbbed against my tongue. I closed my eyes and lapped along his first few inches, ashamed of how natural it felt. I didn't know how rough he'd be. But I glanced up every now and then, batting my eyelashes to show him I loved it.

He let me savor the density of his cock, shoving my tongue against his crown. I kept still as I pressed my muscle against his prick over and over, giving tiny grins between licks.

"Nmmm..." I groaned, going slack as he shoved me further down.

The way his hooves ruffled my mane made me hot. He had total control over my throat. Over the way I sucked him off. I shut my eyes when he started bucking against me and yanking me down. My gullet was drenched in pre and spit. His warm, pulsing thing filled my throat till all I could do was enjoy it. He knew what kind of mare I was. I could tell by the way he worked his cock with my mouth. He used my mane to handle me in all the right ways, making me shiver everywhere.

Sargent Chapel fucked my cheek and ground his tip along my hard palette. Almost lost myself when he made me deepthroat the whole thing. I glugged down his thick, oozing pre and enjoyed the way he yanked me down to the ring.

"Fhhhck..." I groaned, barely opening my eyes.

My tongue traced along his ephemeral ring, detailing the splotches and skin just out of my reach. When he held me down, I went limp. He pushed out a grunt and painted my throat white. Nearly suffocated when he made me drink it all down, pursing my lips just over the tip so I could lick him clean.

We made eye contact. And I thought, staring up at his cold eyes, that deep down he must've been shaped that way. I knew he was a good colt from the way he settled me down with expensive mealing and whispers. I still remembered the way we ended up inside the showers. My stomach was impossibly cozy. I already felt toasty with the wine crackling in my gut. Having his cum in me sweetened the deal.

I placed my forehooves against the wall and flicked my tail about... panting.

He glanced away for a moment and probed my lips apart. I could feel his tip sliding in and around, tingling my insides. A harsh jitter of excitement struck my groin. Sargent Chapel was smearing my pussy with precum, fucking my folds as he pleased. I hung my mouth open and enjoyed it.

"Are you sure you want me to take it all the way...? We should use a condom, you know."

"N-no... I- Aaaaah~ I need you to cum inside. Do it inside-!" I cursed, biting my lip when he took my shoulders.

He held me down against his meat. I felt every inch pressing me open. His bloated cock slicked my cervix back and forth, stripping my body of it's defenses. If he came inside, I'd probably get pregnant. His crown was already oily with pre and juice. The way it kissed against me drove me crazy. Chapel had glazed my thighs with my own honey. Without knowing it, my back arched downward, leaving me a mess of nerves and sex.

"Shit-! I'm-!"

I gnashed my teeth as I froze in place. My slit clamped down on Sargent Chapel. I shivered hard when I started squirting against his ring. The orgasm forced my eyes shut, jerking my hips around. When I went slack, he hoisted me by the hips and got me off by pounding my pocket.

His breath tickled my neck, teeth over my coat as he murmured in my ear. Chapel's voice was low and grainy. It streaked my body with heat and left my cheeks burning. The last thing he did before teasing me was take my ass instead.

I squirmed and went wide-eyed, grunting hard between my teeth. My anal tract was thick and swollen from my orgasm. When he stuck it in, I jittered, helpless to stop my bucking hindlegs. He held me still and pelted me from behind, oiling all my spots with cum.

"How long can you last?"

The question distracted me. I lost control of my breathing and felt my heart racing. Couldn't stop myself from gasping and cawing my lungs out. I say cawing because it wasn't screaming, but it did hurt my throat. Between my legs was the best feeling I had all day. He was warm and deep, holding me down and creaming me one hole at a time. I stayed limp and lazy. Sargent Chapel forced me into a kiss before emptying himself, pinning me against the shower tile.

I couldn't remember how long we spent fucking each other's brains out. But we ended up in his office, drinking and smoking the night away. We were coated with cancer and we breathed fermented plant matter. I spent my last waking hours staring up at his eyes, grinning all the while.

When he finally spoke up and asked why, I told him:

"Because you make me happy."

Chapter Six: Missing Wishes We Made

Sometimes, I wonder how life would've been if I never listened to my mother. She told me the world was a rough place, and the only thing I had for sure was the revolver between my teeth. I was only a tiny filly back then, with a brain smooth as river water.

The night sky greeted me while I smoked on Chapel's balcony. His apartment was... well, cozy, let's just say. I didn't like it, but I had a thing for him. It was the only thing I'd had in years. And that made it all the harder to tell myself no. We were enjoying ourselves in his three-room apartment in the middle of a big metropolis. In there, we had our own little slice of Haven.

I rest my hoof against the railing, mesmorized by the sea of lights below me. I tried not to wish for a happy life. Sitting in his apartment for hours, just having sex and drinking my kidneys shot, that was the life. No more of that Institute junk. I glanced back at him... watching the way he tossed and turned in his sleep. Must've been having nightmares. His frown reminded me that my time was short.

When his alarm clock went off, I shut it down without thinking.

Sargent Chapel needed his sleep. And I needed to keep my distance. I didn't like it, but who said I deserved a happy ending. Stained Glass never got one. Neither would I.

The roaming thoughts kept me awake till it was time to leave. He caught me from behind and nuzzled my neck. Warm all over, all I could do was lean against the wall and let him have his fun.

He mounted me and slammed my hips down over and over. What could I do but bite my lip and wish it could last. Even after two days of hard, deep sex, I still loved it. Chapel forced me to make out with him, twisting our muscles in miniature circles. I licked inside him while he hammered me open. I felt myself clinging down there, barely able to stand.

I grunted hard when he touched my cervix. A series of long, gooey ropes kissed my insides, jolting my hips awake. I shook and groaned when violent, sticky noise took my crotch. He held me down and came inside till he was empty.

We slumped over, tired and holding hooves by the end of our morning. I motioned for a kiss, anything romantic. But, when we met halfway, we glanced somewhere else and settled for cuddling. At that moment, I knew as much as he did that we were done. We were just two ponies in the right place at the wrong time, missing wishes we made.

Wasn't before long that we dressed and shared a guilty, heavy kiss. I pressed him against the wall and had my way with his mouth. I could taste the whiskey in him, all that old irish charm. We held hooves when we could, burning bridges when somepony else saw us.

We stayed at my cell, awaiting the orders from the puppet masters. Couldn't speak a word without wondering about what would happen. Sargeant Chapel didn't leave his trademark grimace. When he did, it was only on eye-contact. I couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to lean on him. I could just collapse on him for the rest of my life.

Us mercs... we pretend we don't have feelings so it's easier to do what we do. We pretend we don't have wants and needs. But we do. Some of us forget what it is that jaded us so harshly. Others remember it just before we shut ourselves away. I was the second type. I knew exactly why I couldn't stay.

I had it all before. Losing what I did almost put me down for good. I caught myself staring up at him, entranced in his bright, starry magentas. When Chapel pressed his lips against mine, I felt a tear slide down my cheek. He brushed my mane aside and I bit my lip as more came down.

"Will I ever see you again...?"

"I promise. It might not be the same you. Or the same me. But we'll be happy. Somehow"

I held his cheeks and watched him cry, wiping tears away from the one stallion I had left. His swollen, blood-kissed eyes said the words 'I love you.' We shared a glance in time, watching the world come crashing down. With it, we fell too, done pretending. Done faking that we could never feel a thing. My coat was warm against his, brushing smoothly, brushing rightly.

I heard the sound of crackling energy. So I closed my eyes and said to him

"I'll miss you "

I felt my ears perk skyward as a warm voice soothed my senses.

"Ms. Calypso...? When can I see my mommy...?"

Out from the corner of the stairway, I saw her bright, blue eyes. It was that kid Mother stuck with me. Only, she seemed older than I remembered. Seeing her face, that old twinkle in her eyes... it felt nice having a child of my own. Reminded me of what could have been if everything worked out like it was supposed to.

Her question caught me off-guard. Did my best to answer by downing some Glimmer Lager.

"Soon, Pane. Really soon."

The old mare was always picky about when she tagged along. Maybe it was just me growing soft. But I didn't remember a single day she went unhappy at my house. It was a total death trap, honestly. Her mom could find me at anytime. She could burst through the door at any moment and pop one right in my head. But, as cruel as Mother was... I didn't mind if I had one more day with Pane.

Pane stared up, tilting her head with a plethora of questions.

"Are you sure...?"

I nodded softly, filling my .44 with six rounds.

"Yeah..."

I sat there and watched her smile that ditzy little smile of hers. Couldn't place why, but the sunset could move me less. I missed her. I missed my little girl. What was a mare to do but keep her baby close wherever she could. If I had her then, or even a few years earlier, maybe I'd be a better mare because of it. Instead, I sat my ass down in Diamond City looking for a reason to drink and tell her old contract stories.

My gut told me to not get attached. But my heart, what was left of it, went out to her.

In the door walked an old 'friend' of mine. XJ-99. She waltzed right in with those big glasses of hers. The coat tails of her courser outfit swayed lazily in the wake of every step. She always moved the same. XJ-99 was an efficiency person. Never wasted words or movement.

I leaned in and said my piece.

"Keep waltzing in like that and one day I might shoot you for it."

I went back to polishing my .44 when she kept walking.

"My apologies. But I don't care. New orders for you. One of our scientists left the Institute. She's gone rogue. Name's Doctor Grand Virgin. We know she's fled to the Radiant Sea. Here's the file."

Took the file and asked some questions. None too serious. Just the important ones.

"Wow. Some ships are gonna sail for this. Hostage situation or should I neutralize her?"

"End her. She was contributing to a large project."

"Bioscience, huh? Never did like the idea of being studied."

Answered me with no emotion whatsoever. Even though she had the decency to make eye-contact, it didn't feel genuine. She finished up and stood next to Pane. Little girl had guts, not even flinching around XJ-99 like that. Half of it was her bubbly innocence. The other half was being one of us. Deep down, I knew she must've felt off. But she was just too happy to pay attention. Usually, all kids were.

I started a cigar and spoke in a murmur.

"Guess that means you'll be taking the kid back, too..."

"Affirmitive."

Pane did her puppy eyes and asked 'so you're taking me home to my mommy?'

Didnt take much for XJ-99 to lie, even if it wasn't technically wrong. They answered with a simple 'yes, now hold still.'

I watched them leave as an old, energy signature colored the air blue. It flicked about in harsh spasms of cyan electricity. The teleportation frequency fired up from XJ-99's old pocket radio and the kid said bye. Standing next to that old Zebra XJ-99, I couldn't help but survey every movement she made. If XJ-99 even thought about mistreating Pane, I'd pull up my revolver and blow her head off.

"Goodbye Ms. Calypso...! I'll miss you!"

I stared at my revolver, staying still till they left. The silence kept me safe. No one was watching.

"Bye."

I closed my eyes and took a sip of Glimmer Lager, taking momentary puffs of Sand Francisco Sunlights.

Glanced over my shoulder at the picture Pane drew for me. Sure it was made from white chalk and that didn't work well on paper. But who was I to judge. Taking that last sip of lager brought me back to my senses. I spent the rest of my night looking for a magnet of some sort. But when I couldn't find one, I settled for duct tape.

Was around midnight before I found myself at the fridge... staring at the picture Pane drew for me.

Couldn't see anything. Pane said it was us playing some baseball together. I took it off the fridge and put it in my pack.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make it in time. I'll miss you too, Pane. Take care of your mother. She really loves you. Make sure you love her back."

I left the holotape with the picture and started off toward Fort Haygen. I kept my memories with me, hidden away where no one could find it. I kept them safe behind the wall around my heart and kept my secrets in a jar labelled with his name in big, bold letters. I took a deep breath and started off toward the fort.

Outside, I could hear a couple mourning the loss of their son. I would have lied to them if I could, but that wasn't right. Telling them to look up and remember that he was there wouldn't do anything. Nopony was watching.

Nopony was up there.

We were all just children grasping for a nightlight. Missing wishes we made.