Sunset Shimmer's Ordinary Afternoon
Author's Note
Pure slice of life, largely stream of consciousness, written in one take, and completely unedited.
Sunset Shimmer's Ordinary Afternoon
The key unlocked the deadbolt with a satisfyingly loud clack. The brass knob turned, and the door opened, spilling the light of the afternoon sun into the mostly dark apartment. A slim amber hand groped around for the light switch on the inside wall and flipped it. Three overhead lights ensconced in off-white glass spheres came to life, spreading pleasing illumination over the living room with its plush violet carpet and tasteful leather and maple furniture.
Sliding her feet out of her suede boots, Sunset Shimmer closed and locked the door behind her, then opened the coat closet next to the front door. She slung her backpack off her shoulder, then shrugged off her jacket and hung it up. She placed her boots on the shoe rack in the center of the closet, next to her older bad-girl boots. With a grimace, she picked a stray pebble that had somehow gotten stuck in her boot out of the tender sole of her left foot. She crossed over to her desk and dropped the pebble in her wastepaper basket, then walked back to the door to collect the mail from the slot at the bottom. She sifted through it as she walked back to her desk, idly dropping her backpack beside the desk as she tossed her junk mail into the trash. The only thing left after she sorted out the junk mail was her monthly coupon saver book, which she flipped through idly for a minute before putting it in a desk drawer.
It was Thursday, and with school closed for a faculty workshop the next day and Monday being a holiday, she had a four-day weekend. Sunset had made plans with her friends for the weekend beginning Friday afternoon, but at the moment, she was looking forward to a stress-free, relaxing evening at home. She stood at her desk, rocking idly back and forth on her heels and flexing her toes. Her gaze swept over her apartment as she thought. After a minute, she headed for her bedroom.
Sunset stripped off the clothes she'd worn to school and tossed them in her hamper. After a moment's hesitation, she decided to take off her bra as well. Letting out an expansive sigh as her breasts bounced free, she snagged a white T-shirt from her closet and a pair of baggy shorts from her dresser, then put them on. She sat down on the bed, bouncing a couple of times, then flopped back against it and yawned expressively. For several minutes, she lay there, staring up at the ceiling, letting her mind wander aimlessly, nearly dozing off. Eventually, with a slight grunt, she stood up and padded into the kitchen. Opening her refrigerator, she took out a can of root beer and popped it open, then took a long, sweet sip. With a satisfied sigh, she ambled over to her favorite chair, sinking into the leather cushions and picking up the TV remote. She turned on the TV, then picked up the cable remote and started browsing the listings. Nothing really caught her attention, so she turned on a silly cartoon about a girl in a pet shop who can talk to animals and leaned back.
Sunset took another long swig of her root beer, then set it on a coaster on the end table. She let out an unladylike belch, then laughed at some silly slapstick antics from the cartoon. She leaned down to scratch at an itch on her right calf, grimacing at the faintly fuzzy feel of her leg.
Not long after arriving in this world, Sunset had studied up on a lot of things. As soon as she'd learned she was considered extremely attractive as a human, she read everything about fashion, beauty, and hygiene she could get her hands on. One of the first, and most perplexing, things she'd learned was that arm and leg hair—or really, body hair of any kind—on a female was considered unattractive. As a unicorn whose original body had been covered in a fine coat of amber hair, this confused her, but she soon came to understand why human girls went to incredible lengths to maintain a certain appearance.
Besides, fuzzy legs just felt wrong in her current body.
Making a mental note to do something about that later, Sunset turned her attention back to the cartoon. She watched the rest of it, then the episode after, finishing off her root beer. After the cartoon, she tossed the can in the recyclables bin, then went to the bathroom to pee. As she relieved herself, she ruminated on her plans with her friends for the long weekend. A new teen club had just opened in town, and they were all going tomorrow night. They'd even persuaded the awkward Twilight and the withdrawn Fluttershy to go along so the group would be complete. After that, they'd decided to go up to the Whitetail Woods on Saturday and spend the rest of the weekend camping out. Sunset was excited about the camping trip; she'd never been camping before, and it always looked and sounded like so much fun. This would also be their last chance to go for a while, because in a few weeks, the weather would be too cold, and by the time it warmed up again, they'd be busy with school stuff. And camping during Spring Break was out, because they'd already started talking about a beach trip that week—even as early as October!
Finishing up in the bathroom and washing her hands, Sunset wandered back into the living room, glancing at the clock on the cable box. It was a little early to eat dinner, but just about the right time to start cooking, and she hadn't eaten a very large lunch at school.
Sunset didn't cook often. She usually didn't have the time for it, and the prepared foods she could buy at the supermarket were good enough to satisfy her. Still, when she had the time, she did enjoy cooking for herself. It was a relaxing activity and a way to clear her mind and center herself. There was something special about smelling the cooking food on the stove, knowing that the meal would be perfectly suited for her because it was made by her own hands.
And now that she was friends with Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, she was actually good at it.
Sunset opened her refrigerator and looked inside. Her eyes fell on a pitcher of pancake batter she'd made the day before. There was no way she'd use it all up before the weekend, and she'd have to throw it out. "Why did I make so much pancake batter, anyway?" She shook her head as she examined everything else in her fridge. Suddenly, a flash of inspiration struck. With a bright, wide-eyed smile, Sunset took a waxpaper-wrapped piece of skirt steak out of the fridge, followed by a half head of cabbage, some green onions, a bottle of corn syrup, and a bottle of soy sauce, followed by the pitcher of batter. Humming to herself, she spread everything out on the counter, then turned on two burners on the stove to medium heat. Getting out a frying pan, a cutting board, and a knife, she began slicing the green onions and the steak into fine pieces. She then broke the cabbage up and stuffed it into her electric food processor, shredding it.
Sunset poured some cooking oil in the frying pan and set it on the burner, then scraped the steak and green onions into it with the flat of the knife. Once the meat began to sizzle, she emptied the cabbage into a large mixing bowl, then stopped and tapped her chin. "Hmm...aha!" Opening her cupboard, she pulled out a small can of sliced mushrooms, a small can of bamboo shoots, and a small can of water chestnuts. Opening them, she drained them and dumped half of each can into the bowl with the cabbage, then dumped the rest into a Supperware container which she put in the refrigerator. After mixing up the vegetables, she poured a third of the batter into the bowl, then began carefully mixing it all together. Satisfied it had mixed properly, she checked on the meat and onions, turning everything over.
With that done, she took out a small, shallow saucepan and poured equal measures of corn syrup and soy sauce into it, then added just a dash of chili powder. Stirring it vigorously, she set it on the other hot burner, then went back to tending the meat. Seeing that it was done, she removed it from the heat and turned the burner up to high, getting out a larger skillet. She oiled the skillet, then poured a generous measure of batter into it. She watched it carefully, stirring the sauce on the back burner as she did so. Once the pancake began to crisp and brown at the edge, she spooned some of the beef and onion mixture onto the uncooked side, then flipped it over. Two minutes later, she turned off the burner the sauce was on, then removed the finished food from the skillet, flipping it over onto a plate and checking to make sure the meat had adhered properly and hadn't burned. She poured more batter into the skillet, then spooned some sauce onto the first finished okonomiyaki.
She tapped the spatula against the side of the skillet idly as she waited for the second one to brown, then added more of the meat and onions to it and flipped it. Three minutes later, she placed it on top of the first one and turned off the burner, setting the skillet aside. She spooned more sauce onto the top one, then reached back into the fridge, pulled out a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise, and spread a decorative drizzle of mayo over the top.
With a happy sigh, she carried her plate over to the living room table, then went back to the kitchen for a knife, a fork, a napkin, and a cold bottle of peach tea. She grabbed the cable remote and sat down on the floor by the table, skimming through the listings. Finding a movie that looked interesting, she set the remote aside and cut into her dinner, savoring its aroma before taking her first bite. If she was honest with herself, it'd have been better if she'd had the right ingredients for the sauce, but it was still good enough, and she was rather pleased with herself at having managed something as unusual as okonomiyaki. The water chestnuts and bamboo shoots in the batter gave it a nice, crispy texture, and grilling the cabbage gave it a different flavor. She ate slowly, following every few bites with a swig of tea.
The movie turned out to be a comedic fantasy about a farmboy turned pirate trying to save his true love from being murdered by the prince she was engaged to. It kept Sunset riveted to the end, and as she watched, she finally began to understand a lot of references her friends had made that never quite made sense to her. When it was over, she took her plate to the kitchen and started cleaning up her mess.
Once the kitchen was cleaned, Sunset decided to take a long, hot, relaxing bath. She headed to her bedroom and stripped naked, then studied her reflection in her full-length mirror.
The human body was a strange thing. It had taken her a few days to really get used to her body, and longer than that to make sense of all its little nuances. It wasn't as hardy or sturdy as a pony body. The fleshy feet with their weird, wiggly little toes hurt to walk on after too long. Breasts were an especially odd concept, and it had taken Sunset three thorough reads of the Quickipedia article about them to really understand them. They were so different from how a pony's mammary glands worked, and yet completely unlike, say, a cow's udders or...
And then she'd had to learn—the hard, painful way—about menstruation. That had been a fun week. To this day, she wasn't entirely sure she hadn't actually killed someone that week.
Still, once she became fully accustomed to the human body, she began to appreciate all its little quirks and nuances, and in time, she grew to love her own body. She was proud of her appearance. Not excessively vain, but certainly proud. She knew she was, in human terms, 'hot', and once she finally put the last of her past behind her, maybe she'd even think about dating again.
Maybe.
As her gaze drifted down to her crotch, Sunset frowned. "Should I wax?" She'd given it serious thought. She'd learned to trim her pubic area, and certainly didn't like when it grew out too much (there was just something ick about a lot of pubic hair, but she wasn't sure why it bothered her), but she'd never considered taking the extra step and removing it completely. Especially since the process sounded a bit on the painful and embarrassing side.
Shaking her head, she padded down the hall to the bathroom, stopping to grab a large, fluffy towel from the linen closet, which she hung on the towel rack. She turned on the taps in the tub, testing the water temperature with her hand. When it was just right, she stopped the drain and let the tub fill, adding some cherry blossom scented bath oil and stirring the water with a hand. She grabbed a smaller towel from the linen closet and wrapped her hair up in it, then turned on the small radio she kept in the bathroom, already set to her favorite easy-listening station. Once the bath was full, she lowered herself in slowly, sighing as she stretched out and let the water cover her body. Only her knees, the tops of her breasts, and her head remained above the cherry blossom scented bathwater. She closed her eyes and inhaled the fragrance, sighing deeply. She elected to simply soak in the water for a while, not really concerned with cleaning her skin. She hadn't exactly worked up much of a sweat since gym class, where she'd already taken a shower.
No, this bath was just for pleasure.
Sunset must have drifted off in the bath, because the next thing she knew, the DJ on the radio was announcing the top of the hour and the water was stone cold. Shivering, she pulled herself up out of the tub, unplugging the drain. As the water began to drain from the tub, she stood there, dripping wet and naked, squeegeeing excess water from her body with her fingers. She stepped out onto the cold, bare tile floor and reached for the towel, wrapping it around herself. She untied the towel around her hair and used it to dry her arms and legs, then spread it out on the edge of the tub.
Once she finished drying herself off, she hung her bath towel back up on the rack, then took her strawberry tangerine shave gel and her razor out of the medicine cabinet and sat down on the edge of the tub, grimacing slightly at the dampness of the towel under her butt. She carefully, methodically applied gel to every inch of her legs, then set about the task of shaving, first taking long, steady strokes down toward her feet, then back up toward her knees, using the tap on the tub to rinse her razor between strokes. Once she was satisfied that her legs were silky smooth again for a little while, she patted them dry with a third towel, as well as drying her butt and anywhere else that was still a bit damp from her bath. She thought about using her body lotion, but decided that could wait until in the morning.
Hanging up all the wet towels and washing her hands, she padded back to her room and took her bathrobe out of the closet, wrapping it around her body and cinching it shut with the thin cotton belt. She sat on the edge of her bed and took a pumice stone from the drawer on her bedside table, then went to work on her heels for a few minutes. Wearing boots every day took its toll on a girl's feet, and Sunset had to work on her heels and toes at least three times a week to avoid calluses.
She honestly would have preferred to let her feet toughen up, but soft feet were sexy, and Sunset Shimmer wanted to be as sexy as she possibly could be. It wasn't so much that she cared what other people thought about her; it was more for her own sake. Being sexy, feeling sexy gave her confidence in herself.
Once her little body maintenance session was done, Sunset headed back to the kitchen and scooped herself a small bowl of chocolate ice cream, then plopped down in her chair in the living room. She'd left the TV on while she was in the bath; there was some crime drama on now that she didn't care about. She checked the time and realized that a show she liked was about to start, so she changed over to that and settled back deeper into her chair, eating a spoonful of creamy cold ice cream with a soft, delighted moan.
Ice cream had always been one of her guilty pleasures, even back in Equestria.
Television was a newer guilty pleasure she'd picked up since coming to this world. At first, she hadn't been terribly interested in it, but the longer she'd been here, the more she'd come to appreciate it. While it would never replace reading, there was something immersive about it. The acting, the directing, the effects, the camera work...good television had a way of sucking you in, keeping you hooked, making you want to know everything about the characters on the screen and their little slice of the world. Television offered comedy, drama, mystery, suspense, horror, and a little of everything else.
It was also something you could just sort of turn your brain off and enjoy without worrying about anything, and there had been many days when Sunset had been grateful for the distraction.
All too soon, Sunset's show ended, and the next one on that channel wasn't one she really cared for. She searched the listings and didn't see anything that appealed to her, but one channel was showing a solid hour of Cheese Sandwich's music video parodies.
Pinkie Pie was a big fan of Cheese Sandwich...
Sunset decided to give that a try.
Before the first video ended, she was laughing herself silly. By the time the hour ended, she was practically in hysterics and had a silly smile on her face. She made a mental note to ask Pinkie for links to more videos later.
It was still a little early for bed, but Sunset was ready to start winding down her day. With a yawn, she pried herself out of her chair, turned off the TV, took her bowl to the kitchen, and washed it.
As she started walking around, she realized she was about to need the toilet. Frowning, she stopped by her bedroom to shed her bathrobe, then went to the bathroom. Being naked on the toilet felt weird; she resolved to never do that again.
As soon as she was finished, she wandered around the apartment, checking the door and window locks and turning off lights, before heading to her bedroom. She pulled her favorite pajamas out of her dresser and quickly put them on, then pulled back the covers on her bed and slipped into it. The only illumination in the room was the reading lamp on her bedside table, which was perfect for what she needed. There was a paperback novel lying next to the lamp, with a bookmark sticking out of it. Once she was snuggled in and perfectly comfortable, Sunset picked up the book and started reading.
An hour later, with a tremendous yawn, Sunset laid her book aside and turned off the lamp. Soft starlight glowed beyond the thin curtains over her bedroom window. She smiled a sleepy smile and turned over onto her side, wriggling around a little before closing her eyes.
Omake: Sunset Shimmer's Narrated Nightmare!
Author's Note
MustacheMerlin is entirely to blame for this. 
The tone of this omake is completely different from the tone of the original story. Please be advised. Remember: This is just for laughs. Don't take it seriously.
Omake: Sunset Shimmer's Narrated Nightmare!
The key unlocked the deadbolt with a satisfyingly loud clack. The brass knob turned, and the door opened, spilling the light of the afternoon sun into the mostly dark apartment. A slim amber hand groped around for the light switch on the inside wall and flipped it. Three overhead lights ensconced in off-white glass spheres came to life, spreading pleasing illumination over the living room with its plush violet carpet and tasteful leather and maple furniture.
Sliding her feet out of her suede boots, Sunset Shimmer closed and locked the door behind her, then opened the coat closet next to the front door. She slung her backpack off her shoulder, then shrugged off her jacket and hung it up. She placed her boots on the shoe rack in the center of the closet, next to her older bad-girl boots. With a grimace, she picked a stray pebble that had somehow gotten stuck in her boot out of the tender sole of her left foot. She crossed over to her desk and dropped the pebble in her wastepaper basket, then walked back to the door to collect the mail from the slot at the bottom.
She paused as she reached into the mail slot, a puzzled frown on her face. She looked up and glanced around, teal eyes scanning the well-lit apartment.
Shaking her head, she grabbed her mail. She sifted through it as she walked back to her desk, idly dropping her backpack beside the desk as she tossed her junk mail into the trash. The only thing left after she sorted out the junk mail was her monthly coupon saver book, which she flipped through idly for a minute before putting it in a desk drawer.
"Okay, who's there?" she asked, looking around the room. She put her hands on her hips, frowning up at the ceiling. "I can hear you, you know."
The silence of an empty apartment greeted her. A deeper frown graced her beautiful face as her brow furrowed. She walked over to the door and checked the lock, then went around the apartment, checking the windows to make sure they were all locked and hadn't been disturbed. An uneasy feeling settled over her. She stood, rocking idly back and forth on her heels and flexing her toes, her mind racing.
She quickly checked each room of her apartment a second time, confirming that she was indeed alone at home. Finishing her search in her bedroom, she closed the door behind her and leaned against it with a heavy sigh. "Maybe I'm just really, really tired," she muttered to herself.
Sunset stripped off the clothes she'd worn to school and tossed them in her hamper. She moved to take off her bra as well, but hesitated, arms crossed over her scantily-clad chest. Frowning, she snagged a white T-shirt from her closet and a pair of baggy shorts from her dresser, then put them on. She sat down on the bed, bouncing a couple of times, then flopped back against it and yawned expressively. For several minutes, she lay there, staring up at the ceiling.
"This is really starting to creep me out," she said. "Seriously, I don't know who you are, why you're doing this, or even how you're doing this, but you're really creeping me out."
There was no answer.
"Umm...you do realize that was an answer, right?" Sunset pointed out. Eventually, with a slight grunt, she stood up and padded into the kitchen. Opening her refrigerator, she took out a can of root beer and popped it open, then took a long, sweet sip. With a satisfied sigh, she ambled over to her favorite chair, sinking into the leather cushions and picking up the TV remote. She turned on the TV, then picked up the cable remote and started browsing the listings. Nothing really caught her attention, so she turned on a silly cartoon about a girl in a pet shop who can talk to animals and leaned back.
Sunset took another long swig of her root beer, then set it on a coaster on the end table. She let out an unladylike belch.
"HEY!" Sunset scowled up at the ceiling. "That was pretty rude!"
She leaned down to scratch at an itch on her right calf, grimacing at the faintly fuzzy feel of her leg. Her left eye twitched. "Hey, wait a second. How do you know my leg feels fuzzy?" A shudder ran through her body. "What...what's going on here?"
Not long after arriving in this world, Sunset had studied up on a lot of things. As soon as she'd learned she was considered extremely attractive as a human, she read everything about fashion, beauty, and hygiene she could get her hands on.
"How the HELL do you know all that?!" Sunset demanded.
One of the first, and most perplexing, things she'd learned was that arm and leg hair—or really, body hair of any kind—on a female was considered unattractive. As a unicorn whose original body had been covered in a fine coat of amber hair, this confused her, but she soon came to understand why human girls went to incredible lengths to maintain a certain appearance.
"Seriously, have you been spying on me ever since I came here?!" Sunset cried.
Besides, fuzzy legs just felt wrong in her current body.
"Dammit, quit ignoring me! I wanna know who you are and how you know all this!" Sunset snapped, folding her arms and scowling.
An uncomfortable pressure made itself known in Sunset's bladder. She grimaced as she looked around the empty room, suddenly not sure she wanted any part of her body exposed. However, there were certain forces in nature one could not argue with, so Sunset headed to the bathroom to pee. As she relieved herself, she ruminated on her plans with her friends for the long weekend.
"HEY! A little privacy here?" Sunset cried to the empty bathroom, shrinking in on herself and covering her lap with a towel. "What kind of sick pervert are you?"
A new teen club had just opened in town, and they were all going tomorrow night. They'd even persuaded the awkward Twilight and the withdrawn Fluttershy to go along so the group would be complete.
"Seriously, I'm trying to pee here! Leave me alone!" Sunset shrieked.
After that, they'd decided to go up to the Whitetail Woods on Saturday and spend the rest of the weekend camping out.
"How do you even know that? Are you stalking me? Are you stalking my friends?"
Sunset suddenly realized her bladder had been empty for quite some time, and she was sitting on the toilet with her shorts and panties around her ankles, screaming at empty air. With a furious blush, she stood up, dropped the towel, hurriedly pulled her panties and shorts back up, and washed her hands.
"Oh my god, seriously, quit it! This is beyond sick!" she screamed at her own reflection in the medicine cabinet mirror.
Taking a deep breath, Sunset walked back into the living room, glancing at the clock on the cable box. It was still fairly early in the afternoon, and although her stomach was growling at her and reminding her that she'd hardly eaten anything for lunch, she suddenly didn't feel like eating. In fact, she felt like throwing up, because apparently some creep had been stalking her since she arrived in this world, knew everything about her and her friends, and enjoyed watching her pee. And change clothes. For all she knew, he probably even hung around while she showered, salivating over every bead of hot, soapy water that slid down her smooth amber skin...
Letting out a terrified scream, Sunset ran into her bedroom, threw on some old blue jeans and a sweater, hurriedly put on a pair of white socks and an old pair of tennis shoes, grabbed her keys, and fled the apartment, barely remembering to lock the door behind her.
As soon as her feet touched the pavement of the parking lot, she stopped, heart hammering in her chest. She turned, closed her eyes, marched back up to her apartment, unlocked the door, walked inside, and grabbed her backpack, which contained the magic journal that allowed her to keep in touch with Princess Twilight Sparkle. She wasn't sure what was happening, but it might be prudent to have a way of contacting Twilight just in case.
Although...what would she say? That she was suddenly hearing a voice, narrating every single move she made, every single thought that entered her head?
That just sounded crazy, right?
"Get a grip, Sunset," she muttered as she stalked over to her bike, straddled it, strapped on her helmet, and started the engine. The bike roared to life, and Sunset took off, no immediate destination in mind. Houses, apartments, businesses, traffic lights, and streets shot by in a blur as Sunset's motorcycle devoured mile after mile of asphalt.
When Sunset finally parked the bike, killed the engine, and put down the kickstand, she found herself parked outside Fluttershy's house. She pondered that for a moment. She hadn't consciously decided to drive to Fluttershy's place; the bike just seemed to steer itself there. As she contemplated this, she wondered if it was because Fluttershy was a safe, soothing presence in her life. The kind, quiet girl had her shy, timid side, often had difficulty speaking up and asserting herself, and was prone to unexpected fits of passive-aggressive bitchiness—
"HEY!" Sunset cried. "That was uncalled for!"
—but somehow, being around Fluttershy always felt safe and warm. Like the shy girl was a warm, buttery security blanket with long, beautiful, soft cherry blossom pink hair and deep, inviting blue-green eyes. Sometimes, Sunset found herself lost in those eyes, so full of kindness and caring—
"I do NOT!" Sunset yelled, her face flushing.
"You don't what?" Fluttershy's soft, sweet voice asked. Sunset turned, eyes wide, to see Fluttershy walking up to her, a white bunny rabbit cuddled in her arms, snuggled securely against her amazingly pert breasts which filled out her loose white tank top rather fetchingly. Sunset often wondered why a girl as timid and afraid of being looked at as Fluttershy wore something like that—
"AHHHH!" Sunset screamed. "CUT IT OUT!"
Fluttershy flinched, raising her rabbit in a protective cringe. Her hair fell over one hurt eye as she stared at Sunset. "Oh, I...I'm sorry," she said. "I...I didn't mean to do...whatever it was..."
"No, it's not you!" Sunset said, waving her hands placatingly. "It's—"
Fluttershy blinked. "It's...what?"
Sunset took a deep breath. "I think somebody's messing with me," she said. "It might be something from Equestria, something related to magic."
"Oh my," Fluttershy said, suddenly concerned. She brushed her hair away from her face.
"I keep hearing this...this voice," Sunset said. "It keeps...it keeps saying everything I do, everything I'm thinking. It started when I got home, and..." She hugged herself tightly, rubbing her arms and shivering. "It's really creeping me out."
"Oh, well...that's...not good," Fluttershy said quietly. "What kind of voice is it?"
"A creepy, perverted voice that watched me pee," Sunset said sourly. Her eyes widened. "Gah!"
Fluttershy squeaked, her cheeks flushing. "That's awful!" She took hold of Sunset's hand and led her to her front door. "Maybe you should write to Twilight?"
Sunset sighed. "I thought about it," she admitted. "I've even got the journal with me. But first, I...I just need to know if I'm really hearing this, or if I'm just imagining things." She couldn't bear the thought of bothering an important pony like Princess Twilight over what might be a figment of her imagination. She pictured Twilight's pretty purple face, her gorgeous violet eyes narrowed in irritation as she folded her arms and tapped one agitated foot.
"Seriously? You bothered me in the middle of a battle for the very fate of Equestria because you're hearing voices?" Twilight snarled. "Aren't there doctors for that in your world? Celestia could be dead right now because I had to come listen to you babble about voices in your head instead of being there to protect her!"
Sunset shuddered. "Maybe I shouldn't bother Twilight just yet," she decided.
"Oh, well...alright," Fluttershy said. "Are you sure there wasn't somebody in your apartment spying on you?" She shuddered. "Oh my, that's a scary thought..."
Sunset shook her head. "I checked every room twice," she said. "Besides, the voice is still following me. It's been with me ever since I left, and I know there wasn't anyone on my bike with me."
Fluttershy's eyes flew open. "You mean...you mean you're being spied on right now?"
"Yeah," Sunset said.
"Meep." Fluttershy's eyes darted around nervously as she curled in on herself. "Is...is it safe to..."
"To what?" Sunset asked.
Fluttershy's cheeks colored. "I really need to pee," she whispered.
Sunset also blushed. "I don't know," she admitted. "Maybe if...maybe if I stay in the kitchen while you go to the bathroom, you'll be safe?"
"Okay," Fluttershy said with a nervous swallow. Setting her bunny rabbit down on the sofa, she headed down the hall to the bathroom while Sunset walked over to the kitchen.
Her stomach was growling furiously, and Sunset began searching the kitchen, unearthing two plates, a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, and a jar of grape jelly. She quickly and expertly made two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, then poured two tall glasses of milk. When Fluttershy returned, looking absolutely mortified, Sunset held out a sandwich on a plate and one of the glasses of milk to her. "I hope you don't mind," she said. "I raided your kitchen a little bit."
"Oh, that's fine," Fluttershy said, accepting the sandwich and milk. "I was actually a little hungry myself, so thank you for making this." They both sat down in the living room. Fluttershy took a dainty bite of her sandwich, giving a slight moan of appreciation as she chewed. Sunset watched her, her eyes taking in the buttery smoothness of Fluttershy's skin, the gorgeous bare shoulders her tank top revealed, the barest hint of cleavage as she leaned forward to pick up her milk...
"GAH!" Sunset screamed, nearly throwing her sandwich across the room and upsetting Angel, the white rabbit, who shot her an annoyed look and scampered off for Fluttershy's bedroom.
Fluttershy blinked. "What's wrong?" she asked.
"That voice!" Sunset shouted. "It's saying things!"
"What kind of things?" Fluttershy asked, tilting her head.
Sunset's eyes widened in horror. "Umm..." She gulped nervously. "Things...about things..."
Fluttershy's eyes narrowed. "Is the voice being a mean, perverted creep?" she asked with a hint of steel.
"Umm..." Sunset blinked, staring at Fluttershy. "Kind of. A little? Mostly, it's..." She blushed, ducking her gaze. "It's kind of, well...trying to ship us," she admitted.
Fluttershy blinked. "Ship...us?"
"You know. It's suggesting I have, umm..." Sunset poked her fingertips together. "That I'm crushing on you or something," she finished meekly.
"Oh," Fluttershy said in a small voice, her cheeks pink. "That's...weird," she said shakily. She looked up at Sunset. "Umm...are you?"
"No!" Sunset protested, waving her hands in furious denial. "Not at all! This weird narrator voice is just putting words in my brain or...or something..." Even as she said this, Sunset's mind wandered, picturing a softly-lit bedroom, romantic jazz playing as she gently undressed Fluttershy and laid her on the bed, giving her a naughty smile as she removed her own bra, then—
"GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Sunset shot to her feet, bolted to the front door, ran to her bike, jumped on, and sped away. As her bike at up miles of Canterlot's city streets, she muttered under her breath, "I do not want to have sex with Fluttershy, I do not want to have sex with Fluttershy, I do not want to have sex with Fluttershy, I do not want to have sex with Fluttershy..."
It was, after all, true. She really didn't want to have sex with Fluttershy. No, Sunset told herself, she only had eyes for one person, and one person alone.
Which is why she found herself parked outside Canterlot High School, her feet pounding the pavement as she charged up to the ruined horse statue, heart hammering in her chest as she practically leapt into the portal to Equestria—
—only to bounce off the generous chest of a lavender-skinned girl with long, straight violet hair who had just emerged from the portal. Sunset landed painfully on her butt, groaning as she looked up. Twilight Sparkle was knocked off to the side, crying out in pain as her back slammed into the hard, unforgiving edge of the marble. "OW!" Twilight cried. She picked herself up, rubbing her back and grimacing. "What...Sunset?!"
"TWILIGHT! You gotta help me!" Sunset cried, shooting to her feet, grabbing Twilight by the shoulders, and shaking her frantically. "There's this voice following me around, narrating everything I do! It's really creeping me out! He keeps trying to ship me with Fluttershy or you and making me have really naughty thoughts and...and..." Her eyes widened as she realized what she'd just said, and she covered her mouth in shock.
Twilight frowned. "A voice? And you're the only one who can hear it?"
Sunset nodded mutely.
Twilight's brow furrowed. "And you can't see anybody around when you hear it?"
Sunset shook her head.
"And it's narrating your life and making suggestive and inappropriate remarks?"
Sunset nodded once again.
Twilight pinched the bridge of her nose. "Discord," she growled. "I thought we talked about this."
Sunset's eyes doubled in size as a man in a brown suit with mismatched sleeves, wearing one alligator loafer and one bunny slipper, faded into view. His red-on-yellow eyes twinkled with mischief as he twirled his white goatee, waggling his bushy white eyebrows. "Why, Princess Twilight," he said in the voice of Sunset's mysterious, creepy, stalkery narrator. "Whatever brings you here?"
"The security alarm on the portal went off," Twilight said.
Discord snapped his fingers and groaned. "I knew I should've come here under my own power," he said. "Dopey me! I suppose that's what I get for being lazy."
Sunset stared at the man. "Th-th-th-th-this is D-d-d-d-d-DISCORD?!"
Discord bowed, taking her hand and kissing it. "A pleasure to meet you, Sunset Shimmer," he said.
"Discord," Twilight said in a reprimanding tone. "I thought we had an understanding about this whole 'narrator' thing. I thought you agreed you wouldn't do that to anypony ever again!"
"And so I did!" Discord said. He wrapped an arm around Sunset and gave her shoulders a squeeze. "As you can plainly see," he added with a sinister sneer, "this certainly is no pony."
Sunset pushed him away and glared at him. "You mean all afternoon, it was you following me around?!"
"Guilty as charged!"
"WHY?!"
Discord shrugged. "I was bored."
"You—but—I—what—" Sunset sputtered incoherently. With an inarticulate howl of rage, she kicked Discord squarely in the balls, stormed over to her bike, and sped off for home.
As Discord crumpled over and wheezed, clutching his nads, Twilight snorted. "Now that, you had coming," she said. Grabbing Discord by the collar, she dragged him back through the portal to Equestria.
And peace settled over the suburb of Canterlot once again...
