This Place isn't My Home

by Eclipse

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Soarin, Rainbow Dash, Sad, Romance, Adventure, Spitfire
Length: 1623

Spitfire decides that her life is all for none and looks for herself out in the world

Spitfire thinks that her training with the Wonderbolts has been all for none, and she doesn't know what to think anymore. And she starts second guessing every decision she's made. She doesn't understand why she was feeling this way, but all she knew was she had to do this. Will the mare find herself, or be lost to roam without a purpose? Or is her purpose to be found, a little bit closer to home?

Published 2011-11-24 23:18:40 UTC
Last updated 2011-11-25 02:29:05 UTC

Prologue: Departure

Soarin’ and Spitfire had been friends ever since they’d joined the Wonderbolts together some time back, they’ve become almost an inseparable pair over the years they spent together training. But eventually every good thing must come to an end, even the best of times must fall upon a close. Spitfire started to question if this is really what she wanted from life, and all of the other Wonderbolts started to take notice in her sudden change in behavior when in her uniform. She wouldn’t listen anymore, she wouldn’t talk very often, and she started to not train with the group, no matter how much the coaches tried to force her. It didn’t seem to faze her anymore, nothing did, not even all of her dear friends could get a hold of the mare she was. After so long, she became detached from the group, and every pony else really started to worry about her after that, until one day she announced that she would be leaving for three to five months on a vacation to visit some close relatives for a while, whilst she thought things over with herself.

It saddened every pony to see her go like that, but she’d made up her mind, but she wasn’t leaving exactly then, she was going to spend an entire week with the Wonderbolts in their barracks in Canterlot until she would finally be able to leave. The one most crushed by this sudden detachment was Soarin’ since they’d been friends for so many years, and then Spitfire finally stopped talking with him. He used to tell her everything and she would do the exact same back to him, and now she wouldn’t say anything to him for days upon days. He began to wonder what was happening with her, but she wouldn’t talk about it, all she would do is make an excuse as to why she had to end the conversation in its tracks, which was usually, ‘I really have someplace I ought to get to pretty quick.’ Soarin’ didn’t mind her saying things like that if they had been true, but he knew in all honesty that she was lying to him straight to his face for the past month like this, and that didn’t just upset him, it absolutely shattered his heart to realize.

All every pony wanted to do was talk to her and try to make the mare feel better, but none of them could ever pierce the mare’s attitude anymore. She went from a fun-loving free spirit to an emotionally down mare that had definitely seen her fair share of better days. A dark cloud hung over the Wonderbolts since Spitfire and Soarin’ together would make all of them laugh till their air supply ran out, but ever since Spitfire started acting like this, Soarin’ didn’t feel like making jokes or foaling around. All Soarin’ did was watch every day as the mare slipped more and more into her enveloping depression as every pony around tried to save her from herself, but their efforts were still to little or no prevail. The attitude of the mare never changed, all that changed was her fun-loving side, it never came out anymore, and it pained all of them to see such a once loved mare, slip into a depression so large that it enveloped her, and started to envelope every pony around her as well.

But today was different; Spitfire was back to herself even if only in the slightest sense, it brought peace to the raging minds that had worried about her for so long. She told them about all the second thoughts that she was having about her life, and wanted to discover who she really was, and if this was what she really wanted from her life before she finally passed on. But her words shattered the peace that had come over them, every thought that she had involved leaving the Wonderbolts saying that she no longer had her heart in them. This crushed not only the Wonderbolt’s members, it also took a huge hit to the coaches that had trained them so vigorously to be the very best fliers that Equestria will ever have. But she began thinking that the training was all for none, she didn’t have her heart in it anymore, and that made being on the team tough for her. She didn’t want to do it anymore, and every pony around her understood what she was going through, no matter how much it pained them to, they knew that the mare was right to second guess her life and fine out what she really wanted instead or what every pony else wanted.

But one refused to understand, one of the stallions refused to believe that the fun-loving mare was actually thinking about leaving the Wonderbolts. And when he finally heard for himself from Spitfire, he couldn’t take it; he broke down when he returned to his home. All the things that he once loved now seemed meaningless without that mare in his life to make getting up the next day all worthwhile. His whole life seemed to spiral out of proportion because of the mare’s decision, and he knew from that moment, he never wanted to see the mare leave him. He was in love with her, and he had never had the guts to tell her before, but when he was faced with the revelation that Spitfire may never return; it was now or never to confess his feelings for her.

So the next day he tried to find Spitfire, but no pony around the barracks had seen her, and her storage locker had been emptied out of all its contents. The coaches had told him that she had cleaned out her locker and left but ten minutes before any pony on the team got there. He was too late to catch her there, and he knew that she would be gone if he didn’t find her in time. But he finally knew where she’d gone, she’d gone to the station to board and leave Canterlot to visit her relatives, and if he was just a couple of minutes late, it would leave with her on it; and that may be the last ever time he would lay eyes upon the mare. He rushed himself, flying as fast as he could to reach the station in time; and he had just gotten there in time, the lift didn’t come for another thirty minutes, and this was his last chance to see and speak to the mare.

“Spitfire!” Soarin’ yelled at the top of his lungs as he touched ground beside her desperately gasping for his own breath, “Spitfire, I’m sorry for not ever listening when it really mattered to you. I was egg-headed I admit that much, but you can’t leave, you just can’t! The team will miss you, and most of all… I would miss you… Please don’t leave us Spitfire; I can’t live here without you I can’t live anywhere without seeing your bright smiling face looking back at me. I can’t stand idle and watch you just disappear like nothing! I… I love you Spitfire, and there’s nothing in all of Equestria I wouldn’t do to express this love for you, but I can’t bear to see you leave…”

Spitfire smiled, tears finding their way into the sides of her eyes, “Soarin’ I know that this may be hard for every pony to handle, but I’m going to try and find myself out in the world. I can’t guarantee that me and you will ever see each other again, but I love you too, and I don’t want to leave, but my heart isn’t here anymore. They always say ‘home is where your heart is,’ and that just isn’t here anymore, and I hope to find a place for myself out in the world, and if I ever do find a place for myself; I’ll come back for you Soarin’, I’ll come back and we can go off together. But I’m afraid that won’t happen anytime soon, there are just more problems underlying that are contributing to this; just so many battling thoughts that have haunted me for months at a time now. I don’t want to go into details with it, it’s just too painful for me to talk about…”

“Spitfire, I’m here for you, you can tell me anything that you want to remember? All of those times that we would tell each other our problems and we would find a way to fix them? Don’t you remember all of those times that we had together, all of those memories that we’ll hold of each other forever?” Soarin’ yelled back, his voice cracking under great stress and tears starting to pour from of his eyes as well.

“I’m sorry Soarin’, it just isn’t as it used to be, we’re adults now, and life is starting to get to us. I think that it’s best if I do this, then we can both know for sure what exactly we feel.” Spitfire said, as she looked down at the ground, “Anyways Soarin’, this is my lift, I’m sorry to leave every pony on such an issue, but I hope that you understand what I’m experiencing…”

Soarin’ watched as the mare loaded her and her luggage onto the lift, and smiled at Soarin’ and took off to the skies. Soarin’ watched until the lift was finally out of view, and then he raced home with tears in his eyes, hoping that one day the mare would return to him, and everything could finally go back to normal again. "I'll wait for you forever if I have to..."