No Goal

by toxiconym

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, King Sombra, Random, Crossover, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1045

What happens when an inexperienced author writes a story with no ending in mind?

The Ratboy Genius, creature of wonder, shall write a story with no beginning, middle, or end in mind. This is what the story entails. Will it be a terrible tale of horrifying battle? Or perhaps a steamy romance involving characters of different species but same genders?

Actually, you can probably tell by the tags that were made after the story has been completed. However, it's up to you to decide whether to read the story or not.

Not a troll fic. I tried to make this as enjoyable as possible within 1000 words.

Rage Review may be found here.

Published 2015-12-04 16:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-04 16:10:01 UTC

A New Fate

"We meet again," King Sombra laughed, stomping the ground in front of him and making a huge crack into the crystal. The crack grew in size and reached throughout the whole palace, sending it all tumbling down. The smoke rised from the building, enveloping the whole city in a thick smog.

"It's been a while since I've had a good fight. So wake up, Mr. Saitama. Wake up and, smell the ashes." King Sombra closed his eyes, held his head back and bellowed a terrifying laugh, turning into smoke and prowling the city for the Caped Baldy. Shrill screams penetrated the air as, one by one, crystal ponies could be heard coughing themselves to death. One by one, they fell. One by one, mothers died holding their children dear. One by one, the buildings shattered. One by one, death reaped.

"No! This can't be!" Saitama fell to the ground on his knees, holding the back of his head with his hands, eyes clutched deeply. "How could I let this happen?" he cried out, sobbing into his gloves. "My discounts page! It's gone, flew away in the wind. And it's all your fault!"

He rose on one knee, facing the fierce wind in front of him as it picked up buildings, sending them crashing towards him. "Do you realize how hard it was to find those amazing savings? I'll have you pay for this!"

The smoke laughed and sent everything in his power Saitama's way. Building after building crashed into him, literally tons and tons of solid steel being hurled at his human body. Shrieks of ponies could no longer be heard, for they all ceased to exist. When Sombra ran out of buildings, he sent rocks covered in ice and snow his way, parting the dark brown ash and bursting upon contact. Boulder after boulder he threw, creating a crater so wide it was nearing the size of the city itself.

Finally, he relented, breathing deeply. Sombra reverted back to his normal form, and smiled at the destruction he had caused.

"Try to best that! There's no way you could have survived. When I was just a little colt, all I wanted was to sleep near a warm fire. But the city couldn't help the poverty, and I spent my days being bullied by the big kids, who threw snowballs at me. After years and years of planning, I have created the perfect magical boulder. It is made of solid ice, capable of destroying entire cities. All of Equestria will crumble under my grasp. Celestia's futile elements of harmony were no match for the power of solid ice! Once I take over eq-" Sombra widened his eyes as a figure flew out of the ash with a raised fist at a blinding speed.

The Caped Baldy flew at Sombra, connecting his punch to his horn with the force of unlimited power. He didn't even have time to scream as he melted away, torn apart by reality itself. His blood splattered everywhere, sending disemboweled magic particles soaring through the cloudy skies.

"Why do villains have to have such boring backstories?" he deadpanned as he looked through the landscape. "Oh, there are my discounts." he jumped over to where a piece of gray paper with red boxes was flying idly through the wind. Tucking it in his pocket, he continued on his way to Manehattan. "I guess I'll have vegan tonight."

Suddenly, Phoenix Wright descended from the skies, flying with the majestic grace that only the defense attorney himself could present. "HOLD IT!" he yelled, pointing a finger at Saitama and sending a gust of air so powerful even One Punch Man himself felt it.

"Huh? What is it, spiked freak?"

"I know a man. A man who can defeat you. A man who can defeat villains with less casualties. You destroyed Sombra, but you took too long! Do you have any idea how long it takes to file paperwork for all the collateral damage you have caused? Way too much time! There is a man stronger than you out there."

"Oh?" Saitama asked, cocking his head. I hope this guy is a worthy opponent. Being overpowered is so boring. "Who is this man you speak of?"

Phoenix chuckled, floating a few inches above the ground. His aura brightened in intensity, making the pebbles around his feet float as well. The skies thundered and the air around him shook, causing the whole planet to vibrate. "His name... AND NAME IS JOHN CENA, KING OF OLD MEMES!"

Air horns blazed as the professional wrestler jumped out of the ground, launching himself at Saitama and knocking him back. He didn't waste the moment and flew once more, punching his face in the front and zipping behind him and kneeing his back. The Caped Baldy was sent crashing onto the earth, spitting rocks everywhere.

"Huh?" Saitama said as he tumbled across the ground. "That joke is so old."

He stood up, faced John Cena, and flicked the air in front of him with an index finger. John Cena's head exploded, coating Phoenix Wright with brains as he watched; his jaw was hung down.

"How did you... DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?" Phoenix Wright laughed, bent over with his hands on his knees. "Fool! You have destroyed John Cena and in doing so awakened the ultimate mega final super secret boss evolution Gabe Newell, king of all steam sales!"

"THE KING OF SALES?" Saitama gasped, leaning his body away from the lawyer. "No, sales, my weakness! How did you know?"

"My favorite class is the spy," Gabe Newell whispered in Saitama's ear, splitting his back open with the famous trademarked knife. Saitama rolled his eyes into the back of his head, gasping at the shock of having faced a worthy opponent. However, even he was not strong enough to defeat the power that is Gabe Newell.

And then his body exploded, destroying the earth with it. This horrible event is remembered even today by the Red Alicorn Association, and is celebrated once a year. The earth is simulated exploding by children as the ultimate Saitama, once thought unbeatable, was taken down by the power of good savings.

It was a glorious day.