Humans and Ponies and Nonsense Galore

by Saro0fdemonz

Rating: mature
Tags: Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Sex, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Romance, Comedy
Length: 1556

Celestia has ruled Equestria for more than a thousand years. In that time she only ever accepted two suitors. One of which is now wed to Princess Twilight. With hearts and Hooves day around the corner, many ponies think its time Celestia finally had

Celestia has ruled Equestria for more than a thousand years. In that time she only ever accepted two suitors. One of which is now wed to Princess Twilight. With hearts and Hooves day around the corner, many ponies think its time Celestia finally had a special somepony of her own. Or in the case of Discord, Someone

Ignore the ANON in the picture. ANON is NOT in this story.

Published 2015-12-04 16:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-04 16:00:01 UTC

Chapter 1

"Remember everything I taught you" Celestia cheered, Her daughter chuckled nervously as Shining Armor stood before her with a sword hovering in his magic. With a gulp she twirled her blade and raised up her shield. She felt her wings fidget and her hands begin to sweat.

She had practiced plenty on some of the guards, but never with her Uncle before. She had heard stories of all the grand adventures he had been on and all of the battles he had fought. Her normal confidence had long since flown out the window.

"You can do it Dawn!" her father shouted. She glanced over her shoulder, seeing him standing beside her mother with his hands cupped over his mouth. With another gulp she nodded, taking a relaxing breath and shifting her stance. Her shield sat relaxed at her hip, her blade poised and ready to strike. Shining Armor widened his own stance.

"Don't hold back on me."

"Likewise." she agreed as she lunged forward.

"WHOA WHOA WHOA! You can't start the story there!" Pinkie pie says with a pout. Saro raises an eyebrow, turning from his laptop to look at the magical talking horse in his house.

"Why not?"

"Nopony knows whats happening yet! You have to start at the beginning!" she argues. He sighs and slumps in his chair, drumming his fingers against his desk.

"You know what...you're right. Alright, I'll go back to the beginning. Wait...how did you get in my house?!"

"What in the hell is that?" Jack asked as his cousin wheeled in a tall box.

"This, my dear sweet cousin, is my latest find!" Jessie smirked, putting her hands on her hips and striking a triumphant pose. Jack however was unimpressed.

"Just because its an antique store doesn't mean you can bring any old junk in here" he said flatly. She pouted and flicked the latch on the box.

"This isn't any old junk." she argued, opening the box and revealing a rather ornate and well taken care of mirror. The outer edge seemed as if it were lined in gold and a beautiful jewel encrusted stand kept it standing upright.

"What...the..."

"Aha! So the great Jack is impressed!"

"Okay, so its a fancy mirror, big whoop."

"Not just any mirror! I found it in a cave!" she said excitedly.

"In a cave? Who the heck would have a mirror in a cave?"

"No idea! I just can't believe the team let me keep the thing." she mumbled, turning her attention back to her find.

"Well congrats, you found a mirror. We can just stack it with the others."

"What?! No way! We aren't SELLING this!"

"Then why bring it here?" Jack sighed.

"Because I've got nowhere else to put it. I mean...besides the studio apartment..."

"You mean my apartment." Jack deadpanned. Jessie chuckled nervously, twiddling her thumbs.

"Pleeeeeeease?" she whined. He sighed, knowing attempting to argue would get him nowhere.

"Fine. I know your dad won't let you keep it at your place anyway. I'm surprised he lets you even go on these crazy adventures."

"Yay! And ya know, you could come along on those crazy adventures, maybe find a cute girl. I'm sure Maria likes shut-ins." Jessie teased.

"Just haul the damn mirror upstairs."

"Yessir bossman, on it."

Beyond Jessie's randomness of the day, nothing of interest happened. Jack calmly and quietly went about closing the shop down for the night, but as he reached for the lock, someone gently pushed the door open, offering him a rather strange smile. It appeared that a lone fang poked out on top of his lower lip and there seemed to be a crazed look in his eye.

"I'm sorry sir, the store is closed for the ni..."

"Take good care of the mirror boy. It's rather important no harm comes of it." the man interrupted, tipping his hat and walking away before jack could even react.

"What kind of nutjob...How'd he even know about the mirror? Ugh, probably just one of Jessie's spelunking buddies..." Jack mumbled, locking the front door and making his way up the stairs to his apartment.

"Perfect!" Jessie sighed happily. Jack gave her a deadpan stare, standing in the doorway and watching her polish her new mirror in his living room.

"Jessie...what the hell are you doing in my apartment?" he asked calmly.

"I was just making sure it was nice and taken care of! Honest!" she defended.

"Go home Jessie. You can check on it tomorrow. And tell your friends to not weird me out at closing time please." he sighed as he walked past her.

"I uh...kinda told pops I was spendin' the night. House is locked up tight, guess I'm stuck here with the mirror! Its fine, I'll use the couch." she beamed. Jack sighed again, marching into the kitchen and grabbing a soda.

"You go into caves, raid tombs, and pick locks as a hobby. You can't get into your own house?" Jack asked as he slammed the fridge shut.

"Its one of dad's locks...The one lock I could never pick..." she sighed sadly, all of her mirth vanishing as she plopped down on the couch. Jack groaned internally. Jessie could be a handful, and her constant cheeriness grated on his nerves sometimes; But a happy Jessie was a hundred times better than a depressed Jessie.

"Its only a matter of time before you figure it out. That's what you're good at." he said, patting her shoulder as he passed by

"There's a spare blanket in the closet. Try not to eat all my cereal."

"Well that's everything taken care of." Discord chuckled to himself with a snap of his claws, his hat and coat vanishing.

"That's all of WHAT taken care of Discord?" Celestia questioned, the God of Chaos wincing as the Alicorn marched from behind the Magic Mirror.

"Oh nothing, nothing at all!" He fibbed, sweating visibly. He needed a way out. If Celestia found him out now of all times, everything would be ruined! By sheer luck he was saved as a purple muzzle materialized near him, chomping on his ear.

"Discord! Home! Now!" the purple muzzle yelled before vanishing.

"Oh would you look at that, the missus demands my attention, ta-ta!" Discord beamed and snapped his claws, vanishing before Celestia could question him further. Meanwhile at home, one Princess Twilight Sparkle stared up at him, tapping her hoof against the floor and raising an eyebrow.

"Well?" she demanded.

"The deed is done. I give it two days tops." Discord beamed proudly. Twilight smiled, nuzzling into his coat.

"Good, it's about time we paid her back." the Alicorn murmured as she walked past him

"I'm sure she suspects something. Why else would she be waiting behind the mirror?" Discord mumbled, hovering near Twilight as she walked.

"I think she's been wary of you ever since you snatched me out from under her." Twilight winked knowingly, she paused for a moment, glancing at her husband.

"You didn't tell Spike about the plan did you?" she wondered, Discord quickly shaking his head.

"Good. While I still trust Celestia with my life...I feel like she might've been keeping an eye on me with Spike not even knowing about it. Most likely for my own good of course. Still, hard to surprise somepony who knows its coming." Twilight giggled, marching upstairs.

"You know...You have wings." Discord teased.

"Yes, but I also have hooves and a daughter who doesn't like the sound of wings while she is asleep." Twilight argued softly, letting out a squeak as Discord trailed a claw up one of her wings. She flashed him a quick glare, Discord offering her a sly grin in return and following her into the nursery, the two silently making their way to the crib where their daughter Eris snored softly.

Twilight leaned her head into the crib, gently nuzzling her daughter. The young princess cooed and wrapped her claws around her mothers muzzle, slowly opening her eyes and gurgling loudly as she nuzzled against her mother. Twilight smiled, hefting the bundle of joy up in her magic gently, setting her across her back between her wings. Eris sat up, reaching her claws up to Discord and giggling, her purple and brown striped locks falling into her eyes as her long pink tail whipped back and forth. Discord smiled, lifting his daughter in his arms.

"Are you sure you did everything? The enchantment worked?" Twilight asked as she watched Discord cradle their daughter.

"Twilight...you know it worked, why ask?" he wondered, raising an eyebrow at her.

"I just...I want this to go well. I'm so worried she might get upset and..." she blinked as Discord silenced her with his paw, wincing as Eris tugged on his beard, cradled in his other arm.

"You've learned a lot from your previous mistakes, as have we all. Me especially..." Discord cleared his throat and offered his wife a smile.

"We've done everything we can, its just up to them now."

"I hope you're right..."

Author's Note

Sorry to cut this short everyone! But this is something I've wanted to post for a long time and I feel this is a good stopping point for chapter one. This story is in the same universe as A little Chaos by the by.