Arms of Arceus

The ponies climbed the mountainside with a determination that borderlined on desperation. They had encountered only one living person on the trek to the mountain’s summit, a human who spoke a strange language. He had been blind and barely alive, and there had been nothing the six friends could do for him. He had been dressed in a brown and tan military uniform that, along with his flesh, had been cut with delicate precision. The smell of perfume clung to the atmosphere around the battlefield. The cultists surrounding him, dressed in elaborate, brightly colored clothes, smiled rapturously even in death. Twilight had cast a spell to deaden the soldier’s pain, and had cast another spell to try and communicate with him. Both had worked better than she had expected, and they had learned what they had been dreading. This planet, which he had called Cadia, was the most vile, deadly battlefield in the galaxy. Evil, psychotic enemies worshiping daemonic gods threatened to take the planet and the entire galaxy thereafter. Moments after telling them this, he had closed his eyes and taken his final, rasping breath.

“He spoke of a witch somewhere at the top ‘a this mountain,” Applejack said as she surveyed the crater-filled, battleworn summit. She spoke mostly to herself, because she knew that her friends couldn’t hear her. Loud, blaring, multi-tonal music echoed through the mountain range. Pinkie Pie had stuffed her mane in her ears to block out the awful sound, and the others had quickly followed her example.

The mountain had been carved into three platforms at different altitudes. From what the ponies could tell, music came from each platform, and the cultists on each one played a different tune as they fought to drown each other out. As they came to stand atop the first platform a massive, disharmonic bass tore through the air and threatened to overwhelm their senses. Two tall, multi-colored amplifiers blasted their earsplitting music across the mountainside. They throbbed and pulsated as veins pumped some unknown liquid through their systems. There was a growl within the music, as if some chained beast was singing as it thrashed against its constraints. As the group cautiously crested the edge of the platform, they were met with a small taste of the horrors of ecstasy.

Humans in clothes of striking, electric colors danced frantically alongside humans with hardly any clothes at all. Military uniforms, similar to the one worn by the deceased soldier, lay strewn across the rough stone surface as if abandonded by their owners. Two humanoid daemons beat on drums as a third prepared a sacrifice in the center of the camp. In their midst lay a young man, dressed in the bright clown clothes that the others wore. He thrashed and gurgled, though he seemed to be begging for something from his captors. Applejack had no idea what he was begging for, but she had a feeling it wasn’t release from his chains. His pupils were dilated and foam dripped from his mouth as he pushed his torso closer to the blade held above him by the third daemon.

Applejack had a sinking feeling about what was going to happen to the chained man, and she didn’t want to see it. So obsessed with their pleasure were the cultists that they paid no attention to the ponies. The daemonettes saw them, however. They glanced up, licking their lips as their smiles widened cruelly at the presence of such pure hearted creatures. The drummers stopped their playing and walked over to their sacrifice. Then, together, they lifted their rune-covered daggers and brought them down. Applejack moved faster than she had in ages. She grabbed three stones, tossed them into the air, and bucked them straight into the faces of the daemonettes. They cried in pain as they fell backwards, their daggers failing to strike the man. The music stopped as the dancers froze in place, their eyes glancing at the daemonettes who were slowly rising to their feet. No one lost their indulgent smiles, though beads of fearful sweat began forming on the human’s faces. The sacrificial man moaned dejectedly as he began to beg more urgently, though his captors paid him no mind.

“Well, if we’re going to get ourselves killed why not get rid of that music first?” Rainbow Dash said, as the music started up again. This time the daemonic growl was clear and evident, its angry tones bursting through the air and urging the dancers back to movement. As the Daemonettes screamed, the cultists charged forward, hefting beautiful spears and elegant swords covered in dark runes.

Several shots rang forth, aimed at Rainbow Dash as she charged overhead. None of the bolter rounds struck home, however, but many cultists stopped mid-stride to stare in wonder at the rainbow streaking behind her. As she reached the daemonettes she increased speed, breaking through the sound barrier and creating a small sonic rainboom. The shockwaves sent the entire camp falling to the ground, cracking the stone beneath them and giving Rainbow Dash the speed she needed to circle around and fly through both amplifiers in succession. She came out of the left side amplifier covered in a vile green liquid that quickly fell off of her armor’s shields, the amplifiers exploding in her wake. A moment later she had landed next to her friends, pristine and goo free.

“Well, at least that awful music is gone,” Fluttershy said. “Thank you, Rainbow Dash!”

“Not a problem!” Rainbow Dash said. As she stood proudly before her friends a bolter round struck her from the side, exploding against her shield and throwing her backward off of the edge of the platform. More rounds were fired at the ponies as the daemonettes screamed for the cultists to attack.

“Fight them!” Rarity shouted as she created a magical shield in front of the group.

“B-but Rainbow!” Fluttershy screamed, her fear and sadness threatening to overtake her senses.

“I’m fine!” Rainbow Dash shouted as she appeared above her friends and rocketed toward the charging cultists. More bolter rounds crashed into her shield, exploding with a ferocious, impotent violence as Rainbow Dash crashed into the gathered zealots. The force of her impact threw the ten closest cultists from their feet. One man ran forward and leapt onto her back, swinging wildly at her with a small hand axe.

Applejack ran to help her friend only to be tackled by four large men. The cultists were several feet taller than the ponies. Even so, the magic enhanced strength of the Equestrians was too much for the cultists to match. Despite their numbers, Applejack and Rainbow Dash had no trouble overcoming those who challenged them in melee. Their shields held effortlessly against the barrage of bolter shells that tore into them, though the cultists who were caught in the crossfire weren’t so lucky. The explosions tore them apart, sending their bodies flying down the mountainside.

“I can’t believe we thought this was safe!” Pinkie Pie said as she, Twilight Sparkle, and Rarity charged to meet the angry daemonettes.

“It was safe when we approached,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Then the music started and the battle lines closed behind us. This was a trap, but it’s not like we were given a choice. It was either stay and face that ‘Daemon Prince’ or come here and face these people.”

“That stupid changeling!” Rainbow Dash yelled as she kicked a bolter wielding cultist in the stomach. “I knew he wasn’t trustworthy! I bet he was behind this.”

“Him, or whoever he was workin’ for,” Applejack said. She turned to charge into another group when an unusually large cultist with a multi-melta shot her from the left side. The searing hot blast tore over Applejack’s shields and knocked her to the ground, covering the Earth Pony in burning plasma. She shook off the white-hot material and charged her attacker at full speed, kicking the cultist to the ground and crushing his weapon beneath her hooves.

“You really outdid yerselves with this here armor, Rarity,” Applejack said as she dodged another melta shot. She had survived one, but she had a feeling that she shouldn’t push her luck. “These shields are stronger than the flavors in Granny’s Zap Apple Jam!”
“Thank the Princesses,” Rarity yelled as she and Twilight fired magical beams of destruction at the lithe daemonettes. “I just made them beautiful!”

Avoiding the blasts, the deamonettes launched themselves at Rarity and Twilight, dodging past Pinkie Pie as she attempted to hit them with a rubber chicken wearing a bow tie and top hat.

“Hey, get back here!” Pinkie Pie said as she turned to chase her foes. “Mr. Cluckers hasn’t hit you yet!”

She leapt on top of a daemonette as it lunged for Twilight, knocking her to the ground as she began slapping the back of the monster’s head with Mr. Clucker’s feet. The deamon cupped her hands over her head in surprise, trying to protect herself from the strange, but ultimately harmless attack.

“I love the passion, dear,” Rarity said as she galloped to her friend’s side. “But honestly, a rubber chicken might not be much use here beyond a good laugh.”

“I’ll take a good laugh over these evil monster’s magic stuff any day!”

“Agreed,” Rarity said as she lifted the daemon with her magic and threw her into the other two. “All the same, darling, I think these things are too repulsive to waste your fabulous comedy on.”

“Hmm, maybe you’re right,” Pinkie Pie said as a second deamonette lunged for Rarity. As fast as an eyeblink, Pinkie Pie had intercepted the creature and bucked her in the face. She flew back several feet, holding her face with her free hand while changing the grip on her dagger as she prepared another charge.

“I don’t like fighting like this,” Twilight said as she dodged another dagger swipe. “It feels wrong, like we’re giving into the brutality of this universe.”

“The cultists are down for the count,” Applejack said as she bucked the daemonette in the side before she could swipe at Twilight again. “I think fightin’s the only way tah survive here. We’re tryin’ not tah be leathal, and the humans are backin’ off as we destroy their weapons. But these demons are a different story.”

As Applejack said this, the daemonettes shouted at one another and ran across the platform to the side of the mountain where a pair of steel doors awaited them. The doors opened as they approached, revealing three large, equine beasts with long tongues and snouts like anteaters. They were pink and fleshy, with multiple black, insectoid eyes and a grotesque aura of beauty about them. The daemonettes climbed atop their backs and rode out to meet the ponies once more. As the five friends took defensive stances around Fluttershy, their enemies pulled up short and spoke.

“You…” said the most terrifyingly beautiful of the three deamons, pronouncing her words slowly as she savored every syllable of a language she wasn’t used to. “I don’t know where you come from, but your range of colors is pleasing to my eyes; as is the pain you inflict pleasing to my flesh. The Noise Marines will greet you next. If you let them live as you have us, you will perish. Whoever lives, and whoever dies, I look forward to watching.”

Without another word, the daemons turned and fled into the cave beyond the doors. The cultists made their way to the caves, carrying those who couldn’t walk and refusing to look back. As they made their way through the doors they began to sing a loud, discordant song that somehow melded with the music being played further up the mountain. The ponies made no attempt to stop them. They had spared their lives out of a deep distaste for fatal violence, but as Applejack watched her enemies leave, her gut told her that they might not have a choice in sparing lives next time. The lone cultist lying on the ground moaned in agony as Applejack removed her hat and shed a tear for the endless suffering around her.

“The only way to survive is to fight,” Rainbow Dash said as the group sat in a circle in the center of the platform. Twilight Sparkle had created a soundproof barrier around them, blocking all noise from up above. In the center of the group lay the man who would have been sacrificed, rendered unconscious by the princess to keep him from biting through his own tongue.

“Rainbow’s right,” Applejack said. “And as much as I know we all hate to think it, takin’ it easy on these freaks is not gonna be an option for long. What have you gals learned from that guy while we was off scoutin’ that cave system?”

“We’ve talked to him for hours,” Twilight said as she looked at the sleeping cultist. “The things he says are so awful I had to remove the translation spell.”

“His wounds are minor,” Fluttershy said, her voice sad, but professional as she gave her diagnosis. “The problem is with his mind. He has a deeply disturbed, deeply obsessive personality. His ‘passions’ are vile, and the language he uses to describe his worship of this ‘Slaanesh’ would even make Mr. Beaverton Beaverteeth blush. Whatever is affecting him has a vice-like grip on his psyche. His entire focus is on things that nopony should be obsessed with. It isn’t healthy, nor is it good. Though, admittedly, I kindof want to write an article about him for Equestrian Psychology Montly when we get home. Should I feel bad about that?”

“Probably,” Rarity said, as she gave Fluttershy an apprehensive look.

“He told me I was crazy, too,” Pinkie Pie said sadly as she hit a pink balloon lightly between her hooves. “He said he could see it in my eyes…”

“Pinkie Pie,” Fluttershy said as she put a reassuring hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “He’s insane, not you. Don’t let him bother you.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash said, cheerily. “You’re not crazy, Pinkie. You’re just super hyper!”

“What about Rocky, and Sir Lintsalot, and Mr. Turnip, and Madam LeFlour?” Pinkie Pie said.

“Ok, so you can get crazy sometimes,” Applejack said. “But honestly Pinkie, you’re brand of crazy is either fun or sad, not sadistic and masochistic. That’s what this cult we’re up against is all about, but that’s not what any of us is about. Not even a little.”

“Here, here,” Rarity agreed. “And so long as we’re here you can be crazy all you like, Pinkie Pie. You’re friends will make sure that it’s happy crazy; not sad, introverted, emotionally broken crazy. Besides, we’ve all gone a little crazy before. Even at our worst, none of us would dream of doing anything even remotely as awful as performing these distasteful rituals, or wearing those hideous clothes!”

“Clothes aside,” Twilight said, smiling and rolling her eyes at her friend’s comment. “I’m afraid those daemons were right. If we’re going to stand a chance here, we’ll have to fight to win at any cost. I don’t know what a ‘noise marine’ is, but I’m betting they’re more dangerous than the things we’ve fought so far. Guessing from the name, they probably attack with sound. I’ll add a soundproof spell to our armor’s defenses before the next battle.”

“If things are only going to get worse, it’s probably better to shoot first and ask questions later.”

“Right on, Rarity!” Rainbow Dash said. “I don’t like the idea of fighting these things either, but it’s them or us. There’s no two ways about it.”

“After the things that depraved creature told us, I really, really, really don’t want to be captured,” Fluttershy said, shuddering at the thought. “We have to be careful how we go about this, though. This place may be the most violent, awful place we’ve ever been to, but even as we do what we must to survive, we can’t let the terribleness of our enemies become a part of us.”

“Right,” Pinkie Pie said, her voice full of happy confidence now. “We’ll do what we gotta do to survive, and nothing more. Though I really prefer slapstick to swordplay. Oh, I know! I’ll dress up as a warrior clown! I bet no one does that!”

With an excited squee Pinkie Pie pulled a red rubber nose and a case of makeup from her mane.

“What’s our next move then, Twilight?” Applejack asked, smiling as she watched Pinkie Pie apply her makeup. Twilight Sparkle looked to each of her friends in turn, then up at the imposing mountain above. After a moment she closed her eyes and spoke with powerful determination.

“We’re off to the witch.”

“We may never, never, never come home,” Pinkie Pie said, pausing in her makeup application.

“But the magic that we’ll feel is worth a lifetime,” Twilight said, looking back to her friends and smiling.

“If that’s the case than I’m going out fabulously,” Rarity said as she walked over to Pinkie Pie. “Is that makeup for clown application only?”

“Yup!” Pinkie Pie said.

“Then I shall be a gorgeous clown! Do you mind?”

“Of course not! I’ve got more where this came from. We can all be gorgeous clowns!”

“That sounds like fun!” Fluttershy said.

“Why not?” Rainbow Dash added.

As the six gathered together and began applying their makeup, chanting echoed through the tunnels in the mountain. Soon their foes would arrive and battle would begin again, but for now, nestled quietly in Twilight Sparkle’s soundproof forcefield, they were content to enjoy each other’s company in peace.