Not covered in the Standard Operations Manual
“Twiii-light! Twilight Twilight Twilight!”
Princess Twilight Sparkle woke to the lovely notion of a bird chirping at her window. As the chirping continued, however, she gradually became more disappointed and more certain that it was not chirping.
It was, in fact, the sound of Rainbow Dash standing on her balcony and shouting in through the big glass doors of her bedchambers. Predictably soon, Rainbow lost patience with shouting and added banging against the door with her hooves to her repertoire.
Twilight got out of bed and headed to the door. She didn't want to, but she knew from experience that it would only be a few more moments before Rainbow resorted to breaking the door down.
She opened it. “Can I help you, Rainbow?” she said as politely as she could manage, given the earliness of the hour. The sun had barely risen, and she would much rather have been in bed a little longer.
“Twilight, you've got to help!”
“What is it this time?”
“Fluttershy's in trouble! Come on!” Rainbow flew away.
Twilight stayed quite calmly standing on her balcony, patiently waiting for Rainbow to come back.
Rainbow came back. “Twilight, come on!”
“I'm not going to just rush off unprepared. Now tell me, exactly, what kind of trouble is Fluttershy in? It's Discord again, isn't it?”
“No no no. Well, maybe, but he's only a small part of the problem, and only by a technicality.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “I can't imagine Discord being a small part of any problem.”
“It's not that, sheesh.” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Are you going to help or not?”
“You still haven't told me what the problem is.”
“There's some awful mare there telling her that she has to get rid of all her animals!”
Twilight thought about it for a moment. “But how does that involve Discord?”
“She's counting Discord as one of the animals!”
That gave her a chuckle. “Okay. Why's she doing it?”
Rainbow was nearly growling now. It almost seemed like she'd start pulling her own mane out at any moment. “The heck if I know! She says she's from the P.C.E. or some garbage like that, and she's totally impossible to deal with.”
“Ah, Ponyville Code Enforcement. But what do you expect me to do about it?”
“Do you even hear what I'm saying?” Rainbow threw her hooves up, then pointed in the general direction of Fluttershy's cottage. “They're trying to take Fluttershy's animals away! I don't care what you do about it – send her to the moon if you have to – just stop her from terrorizing Fluttershy!”
“Oh don't worry, Rainbow. I'm sure it's just some kind of misunderstanding. Let's go clear it up.”
Rainbow was clearly still antsy and prickling for a fight, but she seemed to accept at least that Twilight would be following her there.
The two of them took flight together and made quick work of the short glide to Fluttershy's house. Of course, Rainbow was hardly making it the easy glide it should have been. Instead, Twilight was straining to keep up with her the entire way there. Even so, there hadn't been any rainbooms along the way, so Rainbow must have been holding back to help Twilight keep from falling behind.
The scene at Fluttershy's cottage didn't look good. Half the animals – including Discord – were running wild and making a terrible din. The other half were cowering in their holes and cubbyholes, cringing away from any of the others who came too close.
In the middle of it all, Fluttershy was on the ground crying. Above her stood a middle-aged earth pony mare. Her dark blue mane drooped listlessly across her face and back as she read to her out of a thick grey manual.
Twilight strutted up to the strange mare, interrupting the monologue that had been in progress. “Good morning, Miss...?”
The mare didn't volunteer a name.
“Ah... right. Anyway. I hear there's been some misunderstanding about Fluttershy's animal friends.”
“No misunderstandings have occurred at this point in time.” The mare spoke in a low monotone, giving every syllable exactly the same amount of emphasis. “The current owner and/or resident of the property has been duly informed of her multiple code violations in full accordance with regulations and processes.”
“And you are...?”
“Are you requesting that I provide identification for myself?”
Twilight blinked at her. This was going to be tough, she could tell. “Yes.”
“I am the new primary code enforcement officer for the Ponyville and Lower Canterlot Hills District, under authority of Ponyville Code Enforcement. My identification number is three five eight zero three five eight zero zero zero nine.”
“But what's your name?”
“My name is Sugar Berry.”
That name was painfully wrong for a pony with that kind of personality, and Twilight actually had to struggle to keep her reaction to it from showing on her face. “So, what's the problem here?”
“This Ponyville resident has accumulated a density of approximately two hundred and forty-five pet animals per acre, while within the city limits of Ponyville, the municipal code only allows for a density of six pet animals per acre. The resident must make a reduction in pet animal density to acceptable levels within three business days or be faced with an eviction process.”
“But she's Fluttershy.”
“The name of the resident has no bearing on these proceedings.”
“And the city limits are right over there.” Twilight pointed to a small sign a couple houses further down the road. "She's almost outside of them anyway.”
Sugar Berry shook her head slowly. Her mane barely moved. “Her residence is clearly situated within the city limits of Ponyville.”
“And I”— Discord popped in out of nowhere in particular —“am not a pet animal!”
The mare looked through her weighty manual again. “You do not match any of the sapient races described here.”
“But I'm a friend, not a pet! I'm the Spirit of Chaos! I can talk and everything!”
“Sheep can also talk, and they are clearly listed under the 'animal' category in my Standard Operations Manual.”
Discord squinted at her. “Maybe it would help if I turn you into a sheep.”
“Easy there, Discord.” Twilight butted back into the conversation. “I'm sure that won't be necessary. We'll get it all cleared up.”
He closed his mismatched arms over his chest and harrumphed, but he did step aside. “Well, if it turns out you do need me to turn this awful mare into something more interesting, just call.” With a flash of light, Discord vanished.
Sugar Berry turned away. “If you'll please excuse me, I need to go begin filing the pre-eviction warning paperwork.”
“Oh no you don't!” Twilight rushed around her, standing in her way. “This isn't over yet.”
“Yeah! Get her!” Rainbow yelled unhelpfully, watching from Fluttershy's side as she tried to comfort the sobbing yellow and pink heap.
The mare stopped walking. “Impeding a code enforcement professional in the course of his or her duties is a second degree misdemeanor.” In her monotone, it sounded less like a warning and more like a simple statement of fact.
“Oh, I'm not impeding. I'm here to issue a few edicts. Royal edicts.” Twilight fluffed out her wings and pointed to her horn. “You do know who I am, right?”
“You are the Princess of Friendship, Twilight Sparkle.”
“Yes.” Twilight nodded. “And Princess Twilight has a few royal commands to give.” She stood up straighter and spoke consummate clarity, “First, the rule limiting the number of animals per acre within Ponyville city limits is hereby suspended for any facilities that provide medical care and feeding to the animals.”
Sugar Berry stared blankly, her face completely neutral.
“Second, the city limits of Ponyville are hereby moved to this line.” She drew a line in the dirt of the road with her hoof, a line that would place Fluttershy's cottage on the outside. “Which means you no longer have any jurisdiction over the area including Fluttershy's house.”
After giving her blank stare for a moment longer, the mare stepped around Twilight and resumed slowly walking down the road.
“Hey!” Twilight called after her. “Did you even hear me?”
“I have heard, understood, and memorized those royal edicts, Your Highness,” she said without pausing her slow stride. “After filing the pre-eviction notice on this property, I will enter them into the register of law to be distributed across Equestria.”
“After you evict Fluttershy?” Twilight followed alongside her. “The law just changed, Sugar.” On second thought, Twilight began to enjoy that name. Using it gave her just the right feeling of condescension.
The mare stopped in her tracks and opened up her thick manual, flipping through it. “No, it still reads exactly the same.”
“Forget the book! I'm telling you what the law is now.”
“My job description clearly states that I am to ensure the enforcement of the municipal codes contained within this Standard Operations Manual.” She began walking again.
“But I just overrode what the manual says.” Twilight's eye was beginning to twitch a little. That wasn't a good sign ... for Sugar Berry.
The mare didn't even look at Twilight. “Updates and addendums to the Standard Operations Manual typically take six to eight weeks to be distributed to all code enforcement professionals.”
Twilight stopped in her tracks, letting her adversary gain a slight lead. This was infuriating! Fluttershy would be evicted long before a change ever found its way into that book, and this automaton of a mare would never deviate from what the book said.
She should have the power to fix this, more than enough power to fix this. Mayor Mare should have been able to fix this – having a princess on the case should have been overkill ... and yet, somehow it wasn't enough.
Sugar Berry was getting well ahead now, but not so far as to make it at all difficult to catch her if Twilight hurried a little. Catch her... Twilight nodded to herself. It was the only way. If the other princesses caught wind of it, they would understand.
“Rainbow,” Twilight called out. “Rainbow, I need you!”
Leaving Fluttershy to cry in peace, Rainbow was at Twilight's side in a moment.
“Rainbow Danger Dash, I hereby—”
“Um, Twilight... Danger isn't really my middle name. I don't actually have one.”
“Oh.” Twilight blinked for a moment, then recovered. “Rainbow Dash, I hereby deputize you as a lieutenant in the Royal Guard.”
“Sweet!”
“As your first order, I command you to apprehend the mare Sugar Berry and take her to the dungeon of my castle, where she will be confined for six to eight weeks.”
“Woah.” Rainbow stared at her. “Your castle has a dungeon?”
Twilight smiled back. “It's a friendship dungeon.”
Author's Note
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