“--and then she said, ‘But boss, you’ve already ordered all these nipples!’ so I thought hey, why not both? And that’s how I invented monotremes.”
Discord chuckled softly, coiled on the bed. It was past midnight, Fluttershy was lying across his belly, her animals fed and watered and tucked away. Moonlight shone through the window, lighting the greys of his fur, his lover a splash of daffodil-yellow against him. It was one of his contemplative moments, one of the rare and fleeting minutes between boredom with his previous scheme and excitement at his next, after the exhilaration had faded but before it turned to the gnawing, restless energy that itched at him until he channelled it into something other than boredom.
It had occurred to Discord that these quiet moments were becoming more frequent, especially in Fluttershy’s company, and he knew at some level that this should bother him, but whenever he found himself next to her he simply couldn’t bring himself to care. Self-reflection had never suited him in any case.
Fluttershy nuzzled his neck fur and giggled. “Do you know what that means?”
“Mhm?”
“It means you’re Bill’s very-distant relative. I think you owe somebody a few years of Hearth’s Warming cards, mister!”
Discord laughed. “If I hoped to catch up on every greetings card I’d missed I’d need to steal a printing company or eight. Besides, Bill is a platypus, and they weren’t wholly my idea. We designed it by committee.”
“Oh?”
“Well, we started off by brainstorming--or as we called it back then before political correctness went mad, “Pen Epilepsy On A Whiteboard,”--until we got bored, and then we got blind drunk, rented a hotel room, had several days of sex, went back in time to un-invent golf which I might mention worked perfectly well until I’d been a statue for two centuries, and--” He paused, seeing the way that Fluttershy was eyeing him. “Yes?”
She wore one of her dreadfully guileless smiles. “Who was on this committee? If you don’t mind me asking. Obviously, if it was private I wouldn’t dream of making you--”
Discord kissed her on the nose. She gasped, and pressed her cheek to his chest. “It’s no secret, my dear. Akhal Teke, the Brumian goddess of beauty, and Hino Odori, Elemental Princess of Fire.”
“Oh,” said Fluttershy. “And you were, um, intimate with both of them?”
Discord felt her tense up on top of him. It wasn’t a sensation that would make him hesitate. Discord, Lord of Chaos, did not hesitate or rethink or reconsider, especially not for something as trifling as a conversational faux pas. He might, in exceptional circumstances, dream up a far more entertaining and chaotic idea, and choose the new, obviously better path rather than his previous one.
“I was, yes. Several thousand years ago.”
“Oh, okay. I think you should tell me more.”
“Naturally. While we were trying to sober up, Akhal cracked a prairie oyster into a beaker--”
“Wait,” said Fluttershy. Her voice was unusually forceful, her whole body felt rigid, and her wings wouldn’t settle. She looked up at Discord with those wide eyes and that guileless smile. “I don’t understand. I think you need to go back to the part where you were all in the hotel room together?”
“...Well, we started off by emptying the entire minibar--”
“Further along than that.”
“--After we got bored of snuggling, Hino put her dressing gown on and--”
“Before that.”
Discord cleared his throat. “Ah. It was Akhal’s birthday, so we put her on the bed. I started by coiling around her, she always liked that, while Hino kissed her hooves--Fluttershy, dear, are you quite alright?”
“I’m fine. Please keep talking about the group sex you had with mares who aren’t me.”
“Right. You know--”
“Keep talking!”
Discord cleared his throat. “Shortly after that I was, ah, having sex with Akhal and servicing her orally at the same time, while Hino bit her neck and did this wonderful thing to my scales with her claws. We stayed like that for about a day, until Hino decided to sit on my face.”
Fluttershy glared upwards at him, her face a rictus, her hooves digging into his flesh. Discord felt a feeling that he normally associated with petrification and space travel.
“After that, they, ah, pressed their bellies together, and being the shapeshifter par excellence that I am, I was able to satisfy them both at the same, and to tie it back to the platypi, I looked at Hino’s fiery claws and thought--”
“Please don’t change the subject, Discord. Tell me about the depraved things you enjoyed so much.”
Discord met her glare, and huffed. Her ears were twitching, wings restless, eyes slitted, nostrils flared and teeth grinding together. She was clearly furious. Discord decided that this was greatly unfair. If he had wanted a fight, he would have picked a fun one. It was time to stop this.
“Fluttershy, stop,” he said. He sat upright, pushing Fluttershy up onto her haunches.
Then he heard the squelch.
As the moonlight shifted onto her face, he saw how wrong he’d been. Her eyes weren’t narrowed, they were lidded. She wasn’t grinding her teeth together, she was biting her bottom lip. Her cheeks weren’t flushed with anger, she was blushing.
More obviously, she was grinding wantonly against Discord’s body. He could feel the heat of her pussy, and feel her wetness soaking through his fur.
Discord reached down and squeezed her rump. She let out a squeak, her mouth hanging open. He grinned. “Are you alright, my dear?”
Fluttershy scooted up his body and wrapped her front legs around the back of his neck. “I’m fine but, um, are we done stopping yet?”
Discord darted forward, clamping his mouth on her throat until his fangs almost punctured the skin. She squealed in pleasure. Even as he pulled away, one of her hind-legs kept twitching. “Have I stumbled onto a fantasy of yours? I’m sure we could give you first-hoof experience, if you wished...”
Her pupils shrunk to pinpricks, and she gasped and buried her face in his neck. Discord held her, stroking his lion’s paw through her pink mane. “Perhaps I should continue my story, instead. It has a breathtaking climax. Several, in fact.”
Fluttershy’s head shot up. “No! I mean, yes, I’d like to hear the story, but, um, also yes, that is a fantasy of mine and I’ve thought about it...” she trailed off momentarily, “...and I think at some point, I’d, um, I’d maybe like to try it.”
Discord kissed her nose, and she giggled. “Did you have anypony in mind?” he asked.
“I might.” She smiled sweetly at him, and then planted a kiss on his neck, followed by a second one lower down, and a third, kissing her way down his body. “But we can think about that later. I want to do a few other things first...”
Discord uncoiled, enjoying her attentions. “Oh, now this I have to see...”
A yard below his chest and a foot above a few other things, there was a knocking at the door. Fluttershy squeaked and Discord groaned, and after several seconds of uncomfortable disentanglement on his part and undignified cleaning on hers, they put on dressing gowns and stumbled towards the door.
Pinkie Pie was outside, dressed in pyjamas and catching her breath. She looked at the pair quizzically. “Heya?”
Fluttershy cleared her throat and smoothed over her dressing gown. “Is everything okay, Pinkie?”
“Everything is hunky-dory, I just had to run here is all.” She continued to look at the two of them, as if some information was forthcoming. “Soooo... my Pinkie Sense says you’re planning a party?”
* * *
Life interfered with plans in the way it usually does, and so it was not until several weeks later that they all found themselves in each other’s private company. The trio had agreed that Fluttershy would provide the space and Pinkie would provide the details. In the sitting room of the pegasus’s cottage, everything was arranged. A duck-egg blue futon lay in the center of the room, strewn with pillows and throws. Punch and lubricant were both provided and blessedly separate.
On the futon lay Discord, covered in petals, with a white rose clenched between his teeth and a fake mustache glued to his upper lip. To his left bounced Pinkie Pie, quivering with excitement. To his right sat Fluttershy, looking between the pair with an expression of lust and terror.
“I hope you don’t mind me asking, and I’m sure it’s a silly question, but, um, I wanted to know,” babbled Fluttershy, “or I guess not know exactly but just, uh, confirm with both of you that it’s okay if I or I suppose any of us don’t want to go through with this.” She swallowed audibly as she finished speaking, and forced a smile. Discord clicked his fingers, the rose petals evaporating instantaneously, and Pinkie Pie gently rested a hoof on her shoulder.
“Upstairs we have a projector, eight different movies, and enough box wine to laugh this whole thing off,” said Pinkie. “Let’s go do that instead, okay?”
Fluttershy’s eyes went wide and she shook her head frantically. “Oh no, no, no! I don’t want to stop, I’ve barely been able to think of anything else since we planned this!” She paused, looking bashful. “I just want to know that it’s okay if we decide to stop halfway through...”
Pinkie nodded. “Absolutely! The moment anypony or anydraconequus says ‘no’ or ‘stop’ or ‘red’ we all freeze, and if any of us seem uncomfortable, we check in on each other. Does that make you feel better?”
Fluttershy’s wings settled, her whole frame relaxing. “Much better. And, um, thank you, Pinkie Pie. I can’t think of a pony I’d want here with us more.”
Pinkie wrapped her in a hug, the smell of cotton candy and fresh bread filling her nostrils. “Aww, you’re such a sweetie!” She pulled back, and winked at her friend. “Now, shall we get started?”
“Yes!” said Fluttershy, surprising herself with her own excitement. “....Where do we start?”
Pinkie opened her mouth as if to speak, paused, and then closed it. Leaning across Discord, she rested her chin on her hoof, deep in thought. “That’s a good question. I’ve never actually had a three-way before. How do you start a three-way? I mean, you start a two-way with kissing, but you can’t kiss two ponies at once, so that can’t be it. Maybe it’s a two-way plus a one-way, and you start a one way by slipping your hoof between your legs, but whose hoof is going between whose legs? Honestly, this just raises more questions than it answers. I bet Twilight would know the answer!”
There was a quiet cough. “I wouldn’t suggest Twilight,” said Discord, “she has a background in physics, and they’ve always struggled with the three-body problem. I, on the other paw, have extensive experience in both group sex and ignoring the laws of reality.”
Pinkie gasped. “That’s brilliant! We just need to ask you!” She gazed up at him intensely. “Discord, how do you start a three-way?”
Grinning widely, Discord embraced both of his partners and held them close. Fluttershy snuggled into him as he ran his claws through her pink mane, wrapping her forelegs around his shoulders and almost purring in contentment. Pinkie blushed as he placed a kiss on her cheek. It made her cheek tingle, as if his lips were infused with menthol.
“Would I be right in saying that you’ve never been intimate with a draconequus before?”
“Nope!”
“Well, Fluttershy has extensive experience in that regard. Perhaps she can show you how we usually start, and then you can play a game of ‘Follow the Leader,’ hmmn?”
Pinkie nodded enthusiastically, and so Discord whispered something low and filthy into Fluttershy’s ear. The pegasus bit her lip and squeezed her hind legs together, before slowly fumbling up onto her hooves. She pressed her soft, rose-pink lips onto the coarse fur of Discord’s neck, deeply inhaled his strange scent of stars and charcoal and fairground rides, before planting a second kiss a few inches down. With increasing speed and intensity, she kissed her way down her lover’s body until she was lying parallel to him, facing down towards his tail, her chin resting on his hips.
Between Discord’s hind legs was a patch of bare skin. A slit ran down this patch, with a flash of pale purple peeking out from within. Fluttershy leaned forwards, kissed the slit, and then took a long, heady sniff of his musk. She shuddered, though Pinkie could not tell if her friend was more excited by her lover’s smell or his claws at her rump. Eyes closed, Fluttershy stuck her tongue out and licked from the top of the slit to the bottom. The draconequus could not help but groan, and the tip of his penis began to emerge.
Fluttershy lavished his cock inch-by-inch as it extended. She kissed the side, wrapping her lips aroudn the shaft and pressing them together as if eating an ice-cream cone, making little gasps as Discord stroked her below the tail. She lapped and smooched at his cock, sucking one spot on the shaft before releasing with a pop, licking downwards, and then sucking another spot.
Pinkie gazed at the scene before her, open-mouthed. The cock resembled an elongated griffon’s member, pale purple, swollen at the base, thick along the shaft and pointed at the tip. She watched Fluttershy lap at the ridged base, and slowly, lovingly lick her way up, her face scrunched in pleasure from her lover’s attentions. She placed a kiss on the pointed tip, raised her head, and looked at Pinkie Pie, her cheeks red and her eyes lidded. A line of drool ran from Fluttershy’s lips to his tip, then snapped and fell across her chin. She wiped her mouth and blushed.
Pinkie blinked. “Wowie.”
“Why, thank you,” said Discord.
“I meant Fluttershy, she’s got great technique...” Pinkie Pie tore her eyes away from the phallus and looked at her friend. “Can I have a go? Pretty please?”
Fluttershy stopped just short of nodding, and looked back at Discord, who nodded in turn. “Go ahead,” she said.
Pinkie Pie wasted no time, taking a far more direct approach to gobbling Discord’s cock. She opened her mouth wide and plunged the tip inside, pushing her head down the shaft until the tip poked the back of her throat. She pulled up and went back down, her tongue sticking out, drooling copiously over the dick. She bobbed her head almost half-way down the shaft but showed no signs of discomfort until she pushed so far that her eyes watered and her throat made a noise like a suction cup made of silly putty. Instead of coming straight up, she wrapped her lips around it and sucked tightly, drawing upwards slowly as Discord rolled his head back and sighed in pleasure.
She cleared her throat and licked her lips. “Tastes kinda funny.” She placed another kiss on the tip, and winked at Discord. “I’m not complaining, though.”
Fluttershy and Pinkie began to work as a team, licking, sucking, and even nibbling the cock at the same time. Fluttershy lavished the top with kisses and kitten-like licks as Pinkie nuzzled the knot. Each of them licked up the shaft in tandem until they reached the top, where one would suckle the tip as the other licked down to the base. Discord craned and twisted until his face was buried in Fluttershy’s haunches. She paused in her efforts as Discord ate her out, trying to stop herself from moaning and failing utterly. Her sucking became halting, though no less enthusiastic. Pinkie was happy to pick up the slack.
“P-pinkie?”
“Mmph?” She looked straight at Fluttershy, mumbling through a mouthful of dick.
“Could you--mm!--if it’s okay,” she stammered, “could you kiss me?”
Pinkie reached out and pulled her friend’s face close. Their lips touched, mouths open, and they kissed over the very tip of Discord’s cock. His tail curled and back arched from the sensation. He licked Fluttershy from her clit to her tail as the two beautiful mares made out over his dick.
Their kiss became increasingly sloppy until they stopped blowing Discord entirely. They mashed their lips together, tongues clumsy and frantic like teenage virgins. Fluttershy squealed from Discord’s oral attentions, turning into a squeak as Pinkie Pie bit her bottom lip.
Pinkie broke the kiss. “Wow, I’m really horny. Can I get this thing inside me?”
Fluttershy had rolled onto her back, and was stroking Discord’s head with her hooves as he licked and kissed her pussy. “Oh yes, it feels so good...”
Pinkie giggled. “Are you talking about his tongue or his thingy?”
Sitting up, Fluttershy looked at her friend, half-dazed and half-thoughtful. “Yes.”
Discord disentangled himself, planting a delicate smooch on Fluttershy’s cheek before standing over Pinkie Pie. He covered the pink mare’s back with his body, pushing her withers down until her face rested against the futon and her thick rump rubbed against his groin. She gasped as she felt the tip of his cock poke against her nethers, and giggled as his body looped around hers, wrapping around her barrel, looping back up, and then craning his neck to nuzzle her. He pressed his lips against hers. She moaned into his mouth, eyes screwed shut, as he pushed his length inside her. She was wet and hot, her pussy slick and needy, puffy lips squeezing down on the tip of his shaft. Juices ran down her leg as she broke the kiss and simply shivered.
Pinkie reached up with a front hoof and held Discord’s head down against hers, taking in the feeling of him kissing the soft fur of her face and neck, his teeth rubbing against her skin, his lips oddly tingly. His every thrust eked out halting groans from her throat, but she grit her teeth, clung tighter, and rammed her rump back to meet him. Their thrusts became faster until her pillowy buttocks slammed against his hips so hard that it sounded like applause.
“Ohhh, fudge!” cried Pinkie. “You’re like some slightly-silly super-stretchy sexy slinky!”
She whined as Discord increased the intensity, her locked-out hindlegs shaking, sweat running down her face and flanks, the liquid matting her fluffy mane until pink locks strayed onto her forehead.
“Oh, oh sugar oh oh FUCK!” she squealed, “screw my fudging pussy you big twisty stud, ram your thingy up my hoo-hah, oh darn your weenie is so flipping good, oh shit it feels so thick inside me...”
Fluttershy watched with wide eyes as her lover fucked her best friend in a twisty approximation of doggy-style, clenching a pillow tight between her thighs. She couldn’t help but bite her lip when Pinkie Pie looked up at her.
“F-Fluttershy, this feels sooo goood!” she moaned. “I don’t wanna leave you out of it!”
“It’s okay, it’s your first time with him,” said Fluttershy, grinding against the pillow between her legs, “and I’m having lots of fun watching and eep!”
Pinkie reached out, grabbed Fluttershy by a hoof, and dragged her down towards them. Fluttershy sat on her haunches and spread her legs. Her upper thighs were drenched with juices, and her pussy was winking uncontrollably. Pinkie Pie wasted no time burying her face in it.
Fluttershy had to admit, her friend was good. Within seconds, she had to cover her mouth with a hoof to muffle her embarrassing squeaks and groans. Pinkie was enthusiastic, energetic, and had a long tongue. She moaned into Fluttershy’s pussy, pressing her tongue deep inside, determined to lick up every drop of her arousal. As Discord screwed her, she let her face rub against her friend’s sex, and clung onto her tightly with her front legs, letting her hooves roam up to rub Fluttershy’s thighs and teats, massaging every inch of her friend while she slobbered over her slit. Fluttershy looked down at her with lidded eyes, stroking her mane before throwing her head back and allowing herself to babble from the pleasure.
After several sweaty minutes of joyful thrusting and licking, Discord slowed his thrusts and whispered into Pinkie’s ear. She nipped at Fluttershy’s inner thigh, and then turned her head to look at him, an eyebrow raised.
“You want to do what?”
Discord leaned down and whispered again.
Pinkie giggled. “It’s the loopiest thing I’ve ever heard of, but yeah, it sounds hot. Is that even safe, though?”
“You might have hiccups for a few hours afterwards, but I am a demigod, give me some credit,” he drawled.
“Then I’m game! Y’know, game is a weird word if you think about--”
Fluttershy stopped Pinkie’s reply by pushing her face into her pussy, and then said, “Are you talking about the thing?” Discord nodded. She inhaled deeply, and then bit her lip. “Do it.”
He leaned down and asked Pinkie if she was ready, to which she moaned into her friend’s sex and nodded enthusiastically. As he snapped his fingers, the room began to hum, and the ozone smell of chaos magic tickled at everyone’s nostrils.
The thrusting resumed, and Pinkie felt a strange sensation, as if something in her core was being stretched in two directions. Discord was now burying his entire length inside her with each stroke, which should have felt painful, not just from the spreading sensation of his girth, but because his tip should be awkwardly prodding her cervix. Instead it felt... comfortable. She turned her attention back to her friend’s sex, planting smooches on her clit as she massaged her teats.
She squeaked as she felt a poking sensation at the bottom of her stomach, and when Discord thrust again it felt as if her vagina was so long that it passed up to her ribcage. She pulled her mouth back from her friend’s slit, and tapped the ground with a hoof. Discord froze.
“Getting...” she gasped, “breathing feels kinda funny.”
Discord kissed her ear. “Would you like to stop?”
She shook her head. “Go slow.”
He nodded, and his thrusts became measured and careful. Pinkie made little gasps as she did her best to control her breathing. There wasn’t the panicked, strangling sensation of being choked or suffocated, but instead the feeling of trying to breathe during hysterical laughter. Eagle talons played through her mane, raking gently across her scalp as they untangled her sweat-matted hair. Discord pulled out until he had almost withdrawn entirely, and then pushed his entire shaft inside. Pinkie gave a shocked groan of pleasure. It was up to her ribcage, now. She coughed, something was caught in her throat, and she had to breathe through her nose.
“*Glick*”
Pinkie recognized the sound she had just made. It was the sound she made when she was new to giving blowjobs, wasn’t used it, and gagged at the sensation of a cock against her tonsils. She was not used to feeling that sensation from the other side. She froze in place, quivering all over, unable to concentrate on pleasuring her friend. Discord whispered into her ear again.
“Tap once to keep going, and tap twice to stop.”
She took a deep breath through her nose, and tapped once. Suddenly, the pointy tip of his cock slid onto the back of her tongue. She could taste Discord’s precum drizzling out into her mouth, the flavor hard to place and vaguely disconcerting, as well as the taste of her own arousal.
Fluttershy wiggled her hips forward until her clit was flush with Pinkie’s nose. With the next thrust, the tip passed Pinkie’s teeth, and with the thrust after that it pressed against Fluttershy’s pussy. The pegasus gasped, reached forward, and dragged Discord down to kiss her. She buried her face in Discord’s neck and screamed as the first few inches slid into her.
The trio did not last. Pinkie climaxed first, clinging onto Fluttershy’s thighs for dear life as the first of several orgasms wracked her body, her squeals of pleasure vibrating through Discord’s entire length, making him grunt with pleasure as he thrust inside.
Her convulsions pushed the draconequus over the edge and he was the next to finish, his cum warm and thick as it spurted into Fluttershy and flowed out into Pinkie’s mouth. He shuddered from the sensation, grunting into Fluttershy’s ear and whispering something embarrassingly close to ‘love... you...”
Fluttershy finished last, her wings stiff out to the side, her hooves pulling Pinkie’s face into her pussy and grinding against it, her hind legs twitching as cum continued to leak out and coat Pinkie’s mouth and nose.
Discord snapped his talons, allowing Pinkie to breathe again, and then reached his lion’s paw down to Fluttershy’s pussy to help her ride out the remainder of her orgasm. She looked up at him with lidded, lust-drunk eyes as he wrung every remaining drop of pleasure from her slit. They were only interrupted when Pinkie leapt between them, giggling delightedly and kissing one and then the other in turn, sharing the taste of Discord’s seed between the three of them. All three of them kissed and embraced until they fell back on the futon together, glowing with satisfaction.
Pinkie was the first to break the short silence. “I just figured out what Discord’s sticky stuff tastes like, it’s been bugging me all night. Cilantro. His jizz tastes like cilantro.”
Discord kissed her ear. “It tastes like a herb or spice that you don’t dislike, but you’re not particularly wild about. I’ve never understood why.”
“It’s star anise for me,” said Fluttershy.
Pinkie kissed each of them on the nose in turn, and then giggled. “This was a super-duper party, you guys. Thanks for inviting me!”
“You were wonderful, Pinkie,” said the pegasus. “I hope we can do this again.”
“And the idea would never have occurred if not for non-placental mammals. You know, Fluttershy, I think you were right?”
“Oh?”
“Yes. I think I need to write some Hearth Warming’s cards.”
