We open with Twilight Sparkle setting over her desk in her tree house. No wait that blew up didn’t it, OK fine then. She was setting over her desk in her poorly designed mess she calls a castle, when that little dragon pet of hers came in carrying books stacked higher than his head, so like five I guess. He wobbled over to Twilight who was, guess what, reading!
“What do you have there Spick? Oh boy books; I sure do love books I could just keep talking and talking about books all day long no matter how much everypony is sick of hearing about my book addiction, I just go on and on…about books…which I love.”
Oh don’t you start giving me that OOC stuff. This is a completely accurate portrayal, which you would know if you ever had to listen to her go on for more than five minutes, but anyway, back to the story.
“Bark, bark.” Came the reply from Spick.
“What’s that Spick?”
“Bark, bark.”
“The others are having a picnic and we should go join them,” Twilight smiles and descended from her desks. “Let’s go Spick!”
“Bark!” Spick said running after Twilight.
And yes I’m aware that Spick doesn’t say “bark” but half the time when I see him he never speaks and when he does I just kind of tune him out. So from my point of view him saying "bark" is still an accurate portrayal.
Twilight and Spick exited the castle and found two of their friends waiting for them. One of them was the one with the apple cutie mark, not the really old one but the one that always wears the hat, Applesomething. The other one was Rarity…Moving on.
“Well butter my biscuit and through it on toast, didn’t expect to run into yawl here, Twilight,” Applesomething-or-other said in her own unique way.
“Applesomething what do you mean, we came to pick up Twilight for the picnic,” Said Rarity. Who was now wearing a purple dress, even though a moment ago she wasn’t wearing anything.
“Ah guess it slipped my mind while I was trying to think up more of my nonsense words to use.” Said AppleJACK. That’s what it was, Jack, it was right on the tip of my tongue this whole time.
“Come on girls lets go pick up the goddess Fluttershy so we may gaze upon perfection, and on the way I’ll tell you about the forty seven books I read this morning,” Twilight says ushering them on.
“And we’ll listen,” Said Rarity. “Because no matter what we say you’ll tell us anyway.”
They arrived at Fluttershy’s cottage each of them staring at the door as if it were a mountain to be conquered.
“Who should have the honor of knocking on a door so perfect that is pales in comparison to the goddess that hides behind it?” Rarity asked. Who was now wearing a red dress with a black ruffle lining. You know I could guess where she keeps those outfits of her but I want to keep this rated E.
“That’s a mighty fine order you’re asking there.”
“I shall do it,” Said Twilight. “I may only be a lowly princess far beneath the goddess Fluttershy, but I fear if we let Applejack do the honor her nonsense words may confuse Fluttershy. And Rarity would undoubtedly keep her waiting while she changed outfits again, I’m clearly the only choice.”
Twilight reached out and knocked on the door, the door swung open from the force and all three mares gasped at what they saw. Fluttershy shined with radial light, her golden fur was luxuriously combed and smooth, her wings were extended each feather was preened to perfection. But it was not Fluttershy’s aura that made them gasps but the lips of the evil temptress Rainbow Dash as she forced her’s onto Fluttershy’s lips.
Rainbow broke the kiss with an evil laugh, “I have stolen the kiss of Fluttershy now she is mine FOREVER!”
But do not fear for at that moment the hero of this story appeared, in a flash of light Sir Discord appeared in-between Rainbow-the-temptress and Fluttershy. He was clad in silver armor that shined as bright and true as his heroism and devotion.
“Stop there evil temptress, I will not let you get away with stealing a kiss from the lips of sweet, young, and perfection incarnate Fluttershy, you will answer to me!”
“Um excuse me I hate to interrupted for I am only a lowly princess, but we should be heading to the park for our picnic, Pinkie Pie is waiting.” Twilight spoke an awkward smile painted on her face.
“Yes we really should be going.” An angelic voice filled the room, everyone stood in awe as Fluttershy spoke each syllable.
Sir Discord knelt down on one leg "If that is thy lady's wish."
“Yes the picnic” Said Rainbow-the-temptress stroking an invisible mustache. “That will be my time to strike, and Fluttershy will be all mine.”
The group made their way to the ponyville park, their destination wasn’t hard to find as a pink mare seem to be dancing around a blanket adorned with a large assortment of food. “Well corn on an apple cob, what are you doin’ Pinkie?” Applejack called out. I think there was a question in there somewhere but you can never be sure with this one.
Pinkie Pie stopped her dance routine “I'm guarding the food from those pesky ants, they’re not getting past me.”
Everyone took their seat around the blanket, Fluttershy set upon a red gem encrusted pillow, procured by one Sir Discord, with a posture that would make Celestia weep with envy. The others set on dirt or something.
“Oh everypony Guess what! Letter… Maud…Jokes.” The group laughed at some unheard joke, but I had already started tuning her out, letting only the important bits filter through.
Oh don’t start on me with this one. She talks so much about anything just for the sake of talking and it’s not the same as ignoring because I hear the important part, that’s what counts.
Spick carried a plate of food over to Rarity in what I can only assume is a mortal mating ritual, “Why thank you my Spicky-wicky-icky-ticky,” Rarity said, from under a hat she now wore.
“Bark!” came Spick’s reply.
“My lady Fluttershy, allow me to gather some food for you,” said Sir Discord his heroism showing true.
“Oh well, if you want I guess that’s OK.” If silk could translate to sound that would be Fluttershy’s soft voice, calming and smooth.
But alas it seemed that Sir Discord spent too much time gathering the perfect foods, for when he returned he found the Temptress had struck again! She nuzzled Fluttershy’s neck while lightly rubbing her back.
“Unhoof her I say!” Sir Discord grabbed a nearby long loaf of bread and pointed at Rainbow.
“You can’t stop our love, she is mine Wa ha ha!” Rainbow yelled, pulling out her own loaf of bread and charged at Sir Discord, but Sir Discord held his own and fended off the attack.
The others seemed almost unaware of the epic struggle of good verses evil happening around them, for the record Sir Discord is the good guy in this, remember we want Sir Discord to win.
Applejack stared into a bright shiny apple a look of contentment on her face, seeing a single tear fall from Applejack's face Fluttershy spoke up. “Is there something wrong Applejack?”
“It’s just so beautiful,” Applejack said, in a way that Fluttershy was able to understand. “Ah haven’t seen an apple this beautiful since this mornin’.”
“And that's the basics of gardening for fillies volume thirty,” Twilight said, sitting next to Rarity. “Now if you thought the last thirty volumes where good just wait until I tell you about volume thirty one.” Rarity for her part seemed to have fallen into a catatonic state.
Sir Discord took his rightful place by Fluttershy’s side, he handed her a glass of water with its own bendy straw and she took it gladly.
“Can somepony hand me a sandwich,” Rainbow called out. Who was now stuck in a cage, because she wouldn’t keep her hooves to herself! A look of utter defeat upon her face for she knew she had been bested. but not bested by just any but by one that was a living symbol of devotion and valor for if he was light she would be blinded for a thousand years.
Pinkie Pie jumped in the middle of the blanket with a somersault managing not to knock any food over. “Everypony…Battle…ants…Victory!”
The others became background noise as Sir Discord focused on the only important matter at hand, Fluttershy. With his rival out of the way for now he could watch has she slowly sipped at her water, or enjoy the way see would blink when too much sun hit her eyes, and how her ear twitched every time someone new spoke.
***
Twilight stopped reading; she flipped through the next few pages and glanced over them. “Discord, is the rest of this just you describing Fluttershy?” Twilight stood on a podium that Discord had summoned up inside Fluttershy’s cottage. The rest of her friends set around the room, with Fluttershy flanked by Rainbow Dash and Discord both of whom had been shooting each other glares through the whole of the reading.
“Why of course,” Discord said with the wave of an arm. “The rest of it was getting boring so I just stuck with the good bits.”
Twilight pressed a hoof to the spot between her eyes, “Oh where to begin? First off this isn’t even a fanfiction it’s just a poor retelling of our picnic last week.”
To this Discord shrugged, “Well you know what they say write what you know.”
“Second,” Twilight continued. “I am not a book addict.”
“You say that, yet you’ve been reading to all of us this whole time,” Discord said. A grin stretched across his face.
“But this is your Fan work and you asked me to read it!” Twilight accused.
“Details, details.”
Twilight gave a cry of frustration as she rub the spot in-between her eyes again. Pinkie Pie trotted over and through a hoof around Twilight. “It's OK Twilight we’ll help you get through this,” Pinkie said. Trying her best to hold back the laughter. “After all friends don’t let friends do books.”
“Please don’t encourage him.”
“And I am not a dog.” Spike stood up from his seat by Rarity “And my name is Spike not Spick.” Discord suddenly became very interested in his griffon hand.
“What’s wrong with the way I speak?” asked Applejack.
“Nothing really, but you do have the most colorful way of describing things and I'm sure most of those words are made up.”
Applejack was about to give a counter argument but was cut off my Rarity “I’ll have you know I only change outfits three times a day at most, and don’t think I don’t know what you were implying about where I keep my outfits.” She narrowed her eyes at him, Discord just whistled an innocent tune.
Pinkie popped out from behind Discord hanging off his back “I still can’t believe you've been ignoring me this whole time!”
“Not ignore, filter. There’s a difference.”
“At least he responds to you.” Spike quipped.
Rainbow pushed herself a bit closer to Fluttershy, “Evil temptress really?”
“Well if someone would respect the personal space of others,” Discord said. As he drags Fluttershy over closing the five foot gap between them. Fluttershy showed no real reaction aside from taking a sip from her drink and staring off at an unseen point.
“Maybe if you could get over your little puppy love and see that we’re dating!” Rainbow threw back, her anger beginning to rise.
“I think not!”
“Have those two been at it since last week?” Applejack asked.
Fluttershy took a longer drink from her cup, “Every…single…day.”
“Have you tried stopping them?” asked Twilight.
“Oh I’ve tried,” Fluttershy said. Pausing long enough to take another sip. “And it either ends with both of them trying to make me choose between them, which I refuse, or some kind of competition to show their affection for me, which I ignore.”
“Fluttershy what is that drink you seem so fond of?” Rarity asked.
“This is my Angel medicine,” Fluttershy said with a slight slur in her voice.
“Your drinking animal medicine!” Twilight cried concern filling her voice.
Fluttershy simply shook her head. “No, this is my medicine for when I have to deal with one of Angel's tantrums; it’s a special drink that makes all your problems go away, its call Hard Cider.”
“Un oh,” Pinkie said from the back. “I think that's our cue to leave, Fluttershy can be a mean drunk when she wants to be.”
“Is it OK to leave those two here like this?” Applejack asked.
“Oh don’t worry they’ll stop after a while, they always do," Fluttershy slurred raising her cup. "You girls go on I’ll be just fine here.”
One by one the others made their way out, all the while the argument from the other two never seemed to lose its steam. “And now look,” Rainbow accused waving a hoof at the now empty room. “You’ve chased everypony off.”
“Don’t try to pass off your mistakes on someone else.”
Fluttershy downed the last of her sweet cider; she was pretty sure she heard something break but that was another mares problem, right now all she needed to do was get more cider. As she thought over the day she was positive that having Discord write fanfiction to help relieve tension was definitely a bad idea, good thing there was more cider.
Author's Note
The part where pinkie jumps on the blanket has too many spaces and I can't seem to fix it
I when back over the story and fix many of the problems I could find, it should be much easier to read now.
Anyway hope you enjoyed.
