'oh god how much did i have to drink last night?'...
'what the hell is that smell... oh god, is that?! I swear if somebody puked on me there gonna get so screwed...'
'oh shut up, your not gonna do jack squat about it you freaking panzy.'
'Shut up brain, don't make me beat the crap out of you, cuz i will, i will give myself brain damage!'
'oh like hell you would, you couldnt even handle 5 beers last night.'
'Hey! 5 beers and an appleti- wait a sec, am i having a argument with my mind?'
'Come at me Bro'
'of course i am... well, time to open my eyes and figure out where i am this time.'
upon opening my eyes, i realized something. I shouldn't have opened them so quickly. I was temporarily blinded by the brightest, happiest looking sun i have ever seen... it pissed me off so much.
"Screw you sun, come back tomorrow." i said as i turned over to lay on my stomach.
'Hey get the hell up man, you have no idea where we are!'
'gimmie five more minutes...'
'Dan so help me if you don't get up and figure out where you are, im gonna make you remember the time you walked in on your grandma getting ou-'
"I'm up, i'm up!"
Dan yelled as he jumped to his feet, trying to block anything and everything having to do with his grandma. Dan looked at his surroundings. he was in a forest, and a big one at that. "what the hell" he said as his breath was taken by the ominous beauty of the forest. "How can something be so beautiful, and make me wanna piss my pants at the same time..." he said, single tear dropping down his face. "Ok, im bored... now what?... where the hell's my stuff? Damnit! did i get robbed!? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- oh there it is." He said as he skipped towards his backpack. " Alright lets see what i got left from that crazy ass rave."
Dan opened his backpack and began rummaging through it. " ok,.. lets see here... flashlight... black camo jacket (hell yes), back up camo cargo pants, (God i love these nylon camo pants.) LED Respirator Gas Mask with white LED's, (HELL YEAH!!), tactical survival knife, (yes i need this, no way in hell am i gonna go to a rave in the middle of a freaking forest without some kind of protection, I mean what if some crazy guy gets all high and starts slashing people, while yelling "give me all your gold!" or some shit like that...) U.S. ARMY FIELD MANUAL, (if your wondering no i'm not in the army i just found it in a junkyard. its kinda beat up, the only thing you can read from the cover is field manual) phone.., PHONE?! Yes i can call for help!" Dan grabbed his phone and it the power button... he waited... and waited... and waited.
" Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME!! MY FREAKIN PHONE DIED!? DAMN IT!!" yelled Dan as he threw his phone to the ground. Dan sighed and calmed himself down before packing up all of his belongings, and equipping his backpack. " Huh that's strange, my backpack feels bigger.. whatever, ok, so, which way to go... hmm, eeny meeny miny moe... wait how did it go?"
Dan stood still for a moment trying to remember how that went. "Meh, screw it lets go this way." He said picking a random direction and walking towards it.
After walking for half an hour Dan felt extremely fatigued. "Dude, *pant* pant* why the hell *pant* am i *pant* so tired. *pant*" Dan decided to take a break and look for a place to rest for a while... maybe longer. Dan spotted a small boulder and promptly climbed said boulder. When Dan reached the top of the boulder he wasted no time, and began searching for a nice place to rest. Dan spotted a river not to far away from him. "oh, sweet I've always wanted to go skinny dipping in a river" Dan said as he jumped off the boulder, making a somewhat light *Thud*. "huh, that's weird thought I would have made a louder noise than that." Dan slowly walked towards the river, taking in his surroundings.
As he neared the bank of the river he heard voices. "whaaat, civilization already? ah man i wanted to go tarzan on this forest... well at least I don't have to hunt for my own food... Onword I go!" Dan walked down the river to the voices. with every step he took the voices got louder, and he could hear laughter. The voices sounded feminem to Dan. He walked up to a strangely large bush, he could hear six different voices coming from the other side. "alright Dan you can do this. Just turn on your swag and ask for some help... and a sandwich... with mayo... and pickles... and a-"
'Will you get on with it already! We're freaking hungry as hell!'
'Shut up you i'm trying to think of what i'm gonna say when i meet my angelic sounding saviors.
'Whats there to ask other than 'Help im lost and starving please help me'?'
'... well said, lets say hi then'
Dan walked into the bushes and got a few scratches out of it. As he neared the exit he could hear some people gasping. as Dan stepped out of the bushes he started talking. " Help me!! Please help me i've been lost for hours, i'm so thirsty and could really use your hel-" Dan stopped talking as what he saw shocked him so much, his mind went blank for an undetermined amount of time. In front of him were six very colorful horses having a picnic staring right at him. ' What the hell kind of person does that to an animal, oh my god that's got to be some serious animal cruelty right? well I wont complain for now, ok where the heck did the people go... maybe if i call for them they'll hear me.'
" Heeellloooo!!!!! Is anybody there! I need someone to help meee!!!" Dan began to walk away from the horses, but not even five step's later one of the horses flew, that's right, it freaking flew in front of him and stomped the ground when it landed. now under normal circumstances this would have freaked me out, however what freaked me out more was the fact that it talked... i'm gonna let that soak in for a bit, then tell you what it, or i guess she since it sounds like a she said...
That's long enough, now it said and i quote " Where the hay do you think your going?" oh did i mention it was about a foot or so taller than me... kinda important.
