The scoop of her life*
The moon weakly shone above the Everfree Forest. It was dark, and the combined light of the astral body and the dying torches in front of the bar did not give enough illumination to see more than a few hooves away. Lengthy Column liked it. It was discreet. Secret even. Like what lied under many layers of deceit. Something she was determined to expose.
Hidden in the cover of the dark, twisted trees, the maroon earth pony glanced right and left. She was fairly sure she had not been followed. She renounced the idea to check her disguise. There was not enough light for that, and she didn't bring any mirror anyway. She'd have to trust her friends had done a good job with her formerly pink mane.
The bar was so cliché it hurt her creative mind to look at it. Cliché drinks, cliché bar patrons, cliché used wooden chairs and tables, cliché smell of bodily fluids and aforementioned cliché alcoholic beverages and, last but not least, cliché music that had been popular once, for reasons unclear even for those who once called themselves fans. Why did all these places always look alike? This was a mystery she had neither the will nor the energy to solve.
With a sigh, the mare got to the counter, asked for two ginger beers and went to a corner of the bar, conveniently unoccupied. A moment after, a cloaked figure entered the place, commanded two apple ciders and joined her. Lengthy Column looked at the pony in front of her. Most of their features were hidden save for purple locks of mane.
"I mean no disrespect, princess," she started, "but this attire is really corny. This place really didn't need more that."
The mare gracefully pulled back her hood and looked at her with the naivety of a foal. "Well excuse me!" she half-whispered indignantly. "It's not every day that I have the chance to discuss a conspiracy with one of the best investigation journalist of Equestria! I don't know the etiquette for this kind of thing!"
"Well for a starter, don't pick clothes that make you more noticeable."
Twilight took a look around her, then at her really obvious cloak."Is it better if I tell you that the cloak is enchanted to protect me, and the people around me, from curious ponies' glares?" she said with a sheepish grin.
The journalist cocked an eyebrow... and smiled. "It's better. Now let's drink before they start wondering why the two new mares are not emptying their mug. Unless your cloak protects us from that too?" she added, cocking an eyebrow.
The earth pony took a sip of beer with the detachment born from habit. Twilight followed nervously and winced at the terrible taste.
Apple cider... Rookie mistake.
"This stuff is horrible," the princes said. "I guess I'm too used to Applejack's goodness."
"In case you have to do this again, I really suggest you'd choose something stronger and bitter than apple cider. It is as good as the place you drink it in. Ginger beer is always the same."
Twilight Sparkle took a notepad from her mane and started to take notes. I guess she's really the bookworm the rumour have her be.
"You're really good at this." she said, putting her notepad back from where it came.
"I had to do it many times before."
For a moment both mares stopped talking. The music changed to something Lengthy had actually never heard before. It was either really old or really recent, either way, it was a nice change. Too bad she didn't like this kind of music. Fortunately, Twilight gave her a nice escape from it.
"So... you were pretty adamant upon seeing me incognito and alone. Your reputation is the only reason I complied."
"Before we begin, I'd like to know what you know about me."
"Okay, I guess." The notepad reappeared. "Your name's Lengthy Azbeere Column, earth pony, daughter of Cloud Stream and Clear Wind, both pegasi. Your parents relocated a few months after your birth to accommodate your needs and settled in a little town next to Manehattan. At age five, you discover your calling and your cutie mark, a pencil following a red path. You became a journalist for Manehattan Sports at age 16, got fired, and immediately got an offer as a paparazzi for Star Mane-ia. You stay there two years before resigning and leaving Manehattan for Canterlot where you got your current job, investigation journalist for Golden Hoof. That was five years ago. In the meantime, you won several awards, got elected best investigator of Canterlot twice, got nominated for best investigator of Equestria once and received a medal from Celestia's own hoof last year. You have the reputation of a serious pony that gathers as many evidence as possible before drawing a conclusion. Your co-workers think you are serious and hardworking. That's all I know..."
Lengthy had to catch herself and remind her jaw that 'closed' was the default position for her mouth. "That's... more than enough I think..."
"I've read two of your biographies. And your autobiography of course," she added with a dorky smile. She then realised the shock on the earth pony's face. She sheepishly scratched the back of her head."Hum. Did I mention that I really like your work?"
Lengthy giggled softly, finally relaxing a bit. After a time, her face retrieved its seriousness."Well, so you know that I am a pony who gives grave subjects the attention they deserve. And I show extraordinary evidence for any extraordinary claim I may make."
"Yes! That's one of the things I like the most in your writing!"
That'll make my work easier. "Good. Now I ask you to listen to me attentively and to only give your opinion once I am finished."- she took several scrolls and folders from her bag, filling the table with documents. Twilight gaze lightened up immediately once she identified some of the seals present on some. Maybe her work will really be easier than she expected. "I have with me copies and originals of every document that helped me build my hypothesis, with their sources for you to verify. What I'll say will probably deeply trouble you, even shock you. I just want you to listen."
"I will Lengthy. Please, tell me your story."
Lengthy Column bottomed up her first mug, took a deep breath and started her story.
"It began a week after I receive my decoration from the Princess..."
\_____
I decided I wanted to make an in-depth report on Celestia's positive impact on Equestria in the past years. Since the Nightmare Moon crisis, she became much more active on the political scene and I wanted to show how well she had handled the situation. So, naturally, began to investigate you. Impressive record by the way. In the beginning, all was well, your story was heroic, I was almost afraid I would have to compete with Yearling writing it. But my instinct was telling me there was something wrong with it, so I began to look further. I'm still unsure if it was a stroke of genius or a stupid mistake. Probably a good share of both driven by professional consciousness. So instead of looking at what YOU were doing, I focused on what Celestia was doing while you were saving the world. I inspected some interesting back story of the Princess protecting the population... Heh... In hindsight, I can't believe I could have been so naive. While you ran all around Equestria, Celestia's been expanding an empire. It was so clever... It was right in our face. And we saw nothing because a thousand-year-old ruler can't have hegemonic thoughts right?
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The first thing that ticked me off was the drastic increase in the budget allowed for security. Equestria suffered three direct attacks in a few years, so this increase looked like a sensible choice, yet, it makes absolutely no sense for two reasons. First, where were all the guards? There was enough budget to triple a number of royal guards and yet, nothing... Despite the crises, our kingdom faced, the royal guard, and Equestria's armies in general, almost never intervene, and when they did, it was marginal. It was as if none of this money actually served to protect the population. And I soon realised it was the case. The Elements of harmony are now the official line of defense of Equestria against threats. We saw it times and times again. And don't get me wrong... it's a very effective mean of protection. But if that's the case, what use does the guard serve? And why increase its budget?
For instance, after Discord came back, the crown doubled the budget allowed to enlistment programs. Yet Chrysalis invaded the castle barely a few months later! Despite the presence of another alicorn princess and one of the most powerful unicorn in the kingdom. One can argue that changelings are deceptive, but there was the exact same pattern with Tirek. The increased security had little to no impact and yet, after the crisis, more bits for the soldiers. And let's not forget that princess Celestia knew all these threats existed. She had foreknowledge of their existence and had lots and lots of ways to deal with them beforehoof. Yet, she did not. Sure, we saw more guards in the street, to reassure, and to some extent, control, the population, but the numbers didn't fit.
That's when I started to realise something was rotten deep inside Equestria. So I stopped trusting what I thought I knew and started to listen to the facts. At first, I thought I had uncovered some juicy high-level corruption story. Wouldn't be the first time the nobles would steal money from the crown. But the truth was way simpler. Celestia was raising an army. And this army served to put pressure on the little, unclaimed territories on our border. I looked into it. As promised, you'll find the documents in the corresponding folder. I suspect this is the reason she's got so many meeting with foreign leaders these days...
At this point, however, it was more of a bad surprise and a few speculations than real suspicions. Furthermore, the decision made sense. Annexing those territories and having a definitive claim on them ensure more stability. I didn't condemn this action, but it was enough to make me curious. So I did what I do best. I investigated it. I started when most of Equestria's problem originated. One thousand years ago. As you can imagine, this was not easy. I had to pull lots of strings to access the official historical archives. But is was worth it in the end.
One thousand years ago, Equestria was young. It was already a kingdom (and a relatively strong one), but compared to now, it was barely more than villages close enough to each other calling themselves a nation. There were no clear records of this period and there was always at least four or five versions of every event. My researches were... tedious. But I started to gather some pieces of info.
However, the more I looked into non-equestrian account of Equestria's history, the more I started to notice something funny. Though some recollections were blurry or very... let's say interpretative. Some events were always told unanimously, and they all concerned Celestia and they all contradicted the current version of history we're taught. Heh... For a time, I even believed there was no real record of the period because I just couldn't believe they were exact. And then I had the inspiration of the century. There was a unified kingdom that had not suffer the aléas of the past. There was one place that still had accurate, mostly intact records. The Crystal Empire! It was staring me right in the face and yet it took a visit from Cadance to Ponyville to make me realise... You wouldn't believe the strings I had to pull to get what I wanted but once I did... The Crystal Empire was sent away just after Celestia's coronation so it had all the information I was looking for. And it did. Oh, Tart' it did...
I've made you curious now, haven't I? Well here's what I discovered. All the threats Celestia has dispatched... they were not trying to overthrow the rightful princess of Equestria. They were rebelling against the takeover of Equestria by Celestia. I know how far fetch it sounds but the historical documents are pretty clear on that.
Don't believe me? Well, let me tell you exactly how Equestria looked like one thousand years ago not based on what schools teach us, but based on what the people living around it said. One thousand years ago, Sombra ruled over the Crystal Empire. It was not always pretty but it was far from the cruel dictatorship that we're taught about. The only things accurate in our history about him seems to be his willingness to add Equestria to his kingdom and his love of crystals. The same kind of distortions goes to Discord. He didn't rule over Equestria. He had a lair inside the territory. A little place where chaos reigned supreme that ponies avoided like the plague, like the Everfree and Ponyville. But he never even tried to subdue the territory. He was way too busy having fun by himself to conquer all of Equestria. Same went for Tirek. So what happened to make it change? Celestia happened.
Unfortunately, this part is riddled with poorly supported hypotheses, and there are some interpretations on my part. Even my networks are limited. However, more research would easily confirm or infirm this hypothesis.
Okay, here I go.
I think Celestia didn't bring peace to Equestria. She created unrest. She forced Discord and Tirek out of their respective territory and unleashed their chaos upon the land. Then she and her sister came out as saviours. And it worked. In less than a decade, Celestia was Princess of Equestria with Luna as co-ruler and consort. But there was still a problem. Equestria was a young nation next to a growing and more stable empire. To ensure that the power stayed stable, something had to be done. So Celestia did the most logical thing. She tied herself to the Crystal Empire. She married Sombra.
_____/
"What?"
Twilight had done her best not to interrupt the investigator so far, taking notes in silence and frowning at some conclusions drawn by the mare in front of her. This, however, was too much for her to stay silent.
"Excuse me..." she said in a slightly calmer tone, trying to regain some composure. It failed. "WHAT?"
"There are in fact quite a lot documentation on the subject. There is even a detailed record of it. Even if Celestia isn't explicitly named, the spouse of Sombra was called 'winged unicorn who raise the light' in several places. That's rather specific don't you think?"
"I... I admit it's a really..." the mare took several gulps of her drink. "Please continue."
\_____
In the end, it didn't last. I'm not sure how it happened but Celestia finally got rid of Sombra and the Crystal Empire disappeared. Shortly after, Luna became Nightmare Moon. I still don't know why, or how it fits... Maybe this is not related to my investigations.
As you can imagine this was really overwhelming. And fascinating.
So I kept digging. Looking for anything to disprove this idea. And unfortunately, the more I looked into it, the more Celestia manipulative nature and aggressive behavior showed in history. The most recent event I uncovered? The Royal wedding... I suppose Celestia has a thing for them...
To sum it up, during the preparation for the wedding, fifty-seven treaties with the Crystal Empire were signed. All of them giving power to Equestria over the Crystal Ponies. The Crystal Empire is basically an equestrian colony at this point. Why didn't Cadance simply signed them? Well, most of them are unconstitutional. But if a criminal like Chrysalis ratified and signed those paper... The only thing one could reproach Celestia would be her too trusting nature. And of course, those are pains in the plot to void. Now the thing is... The Crystal Empire appeared after the changeling invasion. So how could Chrysalis know? And why would she care? And why laws that grant Equestria power over the Empire? With all the love in Canterlot, she could simply have invaded it if she wished. Which is probably not the case since the climate does not fit her hive. It doesn't add up. And it doesn't help that Chrysalis was sent flying away, never to be seen again right before anyone could capture her. And remember, we're talking about a being that was a match for Celestia herself. The perfect scapegoat...
But in the end, it really didn't matter. By the time any Crystal citizen would notice, they were ruled by Celestia's niece. I know you like her very much and I have nothing against her personally. She seems like a fairly good ruler. But she has no legitimacy over these ponies. That and the fact that her aunt has virtually annexed the territory... well. Also, there's another thing, that you may not like... It's pure conjectures at this point. Well mainly conjectures. Some recent search on crystal magic and ancient legends give the Crystal Heart some rather troubling properties. Like inducing compliance. I am not saying that it's true. Merely that it would be very troublesome if it was.
_____/
Lengthy stopped, leaving some time to let the information sink in.
"You okay?" she asked.
"I think I need more drink." Twilight answered, emptying her second mug of cider.
Lengthy nodded, and watched the alicorn go to the bar and ask for more alcohol. She came back with two mugs of beer. Lengthy rose an eyebrow.
"I believe this story needs something stronger than cheap apple cider," she explained with a sheepish smile.
"I'll drink to that," the journalist giggled.
"And I never tasted ginger beer before so..."
Length rose her mug and took a sip of her beverage with a knowing smile. Twilight followed her lead and stuck out her tongue.
"Ugh! It's really bitter," she said, wincing.
"Yup. But at least it's the normal taste."
"I'm not really sure I'm winning here..."
"In a pub like this one, victories are small and come ginger-beer-flavoured."
The two mares laughed softly. There was a moment of silence, which was quickly filled by more mediocre music. Finally Twilight asked the only question Lengthy was waiting for.
"What about the Elements of Harmony and their bearers?"
"They're... They're part of the reason I wanted to see you alone. I think some of your friends might be more... difficult to convince than others. And I also don't know if any of them is actually in it. The fewer people know at first, the better it is."
Lengthy washed the taste of beer with even more beer. She looked into Twilight eyes before she started talking again.
"The bearers serve as protectors of the kingdom, leaving Celestia free to use her armies elsewhere and when you strike to protect us, it only serves to further her own goals. I'm afraid you're just pawns in her game... But not only your actions often helps Celestia, there is also the fact that you act with total impunity. Well, not all of you but... let's take Rainbow Dash's case for instance. Rumours have it that she sabotaged Cloudsdale for dubious reasons, causing lots of injuries and several weeks of delay for winter. While she's still totally free of charge, Lightning Dust has been expelled from the Wonderbolts for an easily preventable action that made NO casualties... except maybe take your friend's place. And now she faces several years of monitored flight. There is still NO legal action against the Element of Loyalty. None whatsoever. I have plenty of other examples but I think you see my point."
"No! Well...Okay... I see your point. This... This is a lot to digest."
"I know. I had a hard time believing it myself. But the more I investigated, the more elements corroborated my hypothesis," she insisted, pointing the pile of documents. "Maybe I'm wrong, but there's definitely something rotten with the crown, the bearers and all this."
"But... if that is so..." Twilight asked. There was a strange eagerness in her eyes and tone. The journalist tried not to mind, but somehow she felt her stomach twist with unease. "Why did you contact me? I am probably the least trustworthy pony you could have brought this to, save for Celestia herself."
Lengthy hesitated. She had wondered the exact same thing several times. She had few friends and loose ties with her family. Nopony close she could confide her story to. Nopony except Twilight. For some reason, the princess seemed like the right pony to confide in. And she'd made a reliable source and help too. As risky as it looked, it seemed right to her. So she told her exactly that.
"It was what seemed right. I don't think you are part of the conspiracy if you'd excuse the word. And you'd be an invaluable help to make it known to the public."
Twilight listen attentively to her words then smiled."I'm honoured by your trust." She took a deep breath. Her face became more serious than at any point during the conversation. "Before we continue, I have some key points that, I think, should be clarified and would interest you very much."
Lengthy took a gulp of beer and cocked an eyebrow. She didn't expect such a sudden trust between them. "I'm all ears."
"The first is that you're mostly right. You're really as good an investigator as your reputation say. Nopony so far had dug so deep with so little. It was really clever to go through the Crystal Empire's historical reports. Your intuition is truly one of a kind."
Confusion and fear were slowly rising inside the investigator. There was no comfort in the alicorn's praise. Her stomach twisted again.
"I see you're confused now," she continued matter-of-factly. "You shouldn't be, yet I suppose it is understandable. The second point I'd like to clarify is that I am part of this... conspiracy. I am since fillyhood since I became her student. I was formed by Celestia as part of her plan to ensure her power stays stable and the expansion of Equestria goes as smoothly as possible."
Lengthy column face had decomposed as the alicorn spoke. There was no doubt she was serious. She started to gather her document with shaking hooves while looking right and left for the closest exit.
"It's useless now," Twilight continued with the same emotionless tone as the the journalist got up "you should just listen to me until I'm finished, you'll save your time and energy. And it will likely be less painful."
Green flames surrounded the bar patrons all around her, revealing angry looking changelings. All of them watched her as if looking an excuse to attack. But that was nothing compared to the sight of the three regular ponies emerging from the shadows. They all wore cloaks similar to Twilight and exactly the same expression as the changelings. Lengthy felt her heart sink and weakly sat down.
"Now let me give you the small details you missed. It was not much, really. You have done a fantastic job. You should be proud. So, let me see. -" she turned a few pages pages of her notepad "- So, your first and most important mistake. You didn't pay enough attention to me. You never wondered what was the purpose of my coronation? You should have. That was an important point of Celestia's plan, and you missed it. I don't blame you, most ponies do. But let me ask you a few rhetorical questions. Why would I somehow not be part of a plan that probably took decades to be put into place? Also, why would I, a simple book enthusiast, albeit Celestia's student, with a disastrous social life become the princess of friendship? Wouldn't people embodying more 'friendly' traits have this title? Why not Pinkie Pie? Or even Rarity? Well, it's simple. It had to be me," she said emphasis. "It needed to be a mare Celestia could trust, a mare with enough powers to tame the Elements and deal with their capricious nature. It had to be a pony without ambition and boundless devotion to her." The earth mare gaze met the unicorn's and what she saw made her shiver. "It had to be me," Twilight continued, speaking as much to herself as to Lengthy. "I now embody friendship. People trust me when the whole world seems dark and corrupted. They obediently listen to my voice, and my voice speaks Celestia's words like no other could. It also helps me getting in touch with people whose curiosity got the best of them." A wry smile slowly took over her feature. "A task I am more than fitted to accomplish."
Lengthy's face was trying to express the utter feeling of defeat she felt, but in a fitting twist of event, couldn't even manage that.
"Don't be too hard on yourself. You're not the first one, you're likely not the last, but you've been the best so far."
Twilight emptied up her mug in one swig, her fake candour all gone now.
"Also, about Chrysalis, you're right. She indeed served Celestia's interest. The only thing you overlooked is that she still does. Well"- she glanced at the changelings closing around her -"I guess that much is obvious now. Rainbow Dash and Applejack will help you help yourself," she said, pointing her fellow member of the bearers. "If you can't, Pinkie Pie"- she pointed the last mare in the corner -"will extract everything you know so one of Chrysalis spawn can take your place. After that, you'll serve as food for the Queen. Now you have the whole truth. I hope you're happy with it."
The journalist got dragged out of the room. She did not put up a fight. She was too broken to fight. A few words escaped her lips despite herself. "But you're the princess of friendship... What about friendship?"
What about friendship. Pathetic last word from a crushed mare. "Friendship is a lie. It was a lie all along" she muttered to no one in particular. "It's a shame. I really liked her work."
One after the other, the changelings changed back to their disguise. The bar got back to its usual fake ambiance or lack thereof. Twilight ended her and Lengthy's beer without a word. Still silent, she paid what was due and left the bar.
The moon weakly shone above the Everfree Forest. It was dark, and the combined light of the astral body and the place did not give enough illumination to see more than a few hooves away. But Twilight liked it that way. It was calm. Peaceful. Equestria slept without a worry in the world. Like it should. Like it will.
Author's Note
*Rewritten version
After re-reading it, editing it, correcting it and rethinking it, I came to the conclusion that the story was already what I wanted it to be. In the end, there are now a lot of modifications and I suppose its flaws are still the same, but I cannot see it differently.
I still hope you've enjoyed it.
The previous version is here. The password is 'Imperial".
