From Nobody to Knightmare

by Thethhron

Rating: mature
Tags: Octavia, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Sex, Anthro, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, DJ P0N-3, Dark, Human, Romance, Original Character
Length: 80515

A human turns into a changeling amidst a celestial game played for power.

Set in the universe created by Rust and Blackwing, this is the story of a changeling known as 'Knightmare'. Selected to be Celestia's 'pawn' in the grand chess game began by Discord, he arrives late and in the last kind of body he expected. Wandering the globe in search for the other humans, he operates under the cover of a wandering minstrel, constantly watched by his new species' queen, and by his nigh-godlike 'employer'.

It's gonna be a bumpy ride, everyone. Get ready to ROCK!!
[Unfortunately, I will no longer be continuing work on this fic. I do not have the time and combined with the changes being made to the CGotG group, it will not be worth the effort necessary to revamp the story. I'm sorry]

Published 2012-06-05 22:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-05 15:42:32 UTC

FNTK Reborn Chapter 1: The Kindasorta Distant Future

Tink

That sound...

Tink. Tink.

It always seems to calm my nerves.

Tink. Tink.

Just tapping away at stone, waiting to see what's hidden beneath the earth.

Tink. Tink. Tink. Tink.

I should be thankful that I'm still alive, that I have such great friends, and that I married the woman of my dreams.

Tink. Tink. Tink. Tink. Tap.

"Huh?" My meditation is broken by a tap to the shoulder, my pickaxe dropping to the ground in surprise.

"Bossman! Parade starting, we gots ta move!" A familiar voice whispers. Rover, once a moron of a slaver, now a trusted companion and leader of my honor guard. It's shocking what can happen after so many years.

For those wondering, my full name and title is High-General Knightmare Demonbane, Prince of Equestria, and Knight of the Realm.

Not even a decade ago, my name was Theodore, or simply 'Ted'...

Time changes a lot, doesn't it?

Regardless, I stand tall, giving the battle-worn diamond dog a quick nod, shake his arcanite combat prosthetic and take the lead towards the zipper elevator. We both hop onto the trigger plate and the complex device launches us skyward, up through the thousand foot deep ravine in a flash, flying right into the air.

With timing born of way too much trial and error, the trap doors in the street pop open a split second before we reach them, and close immediately after we pass, granting us a solid landing spot. And right on time.

The parade had just finished their earlier song, lead by Warmaster Belgarion. The human-turned-NecroLord was almost joyously hopping about to the song, twirling his longshot pistols with revelrous glee, even as the heroes of this world followed along, some, such as the ever-joyous Pinkie Pie or the lovable-but-no-longer-nervous Fluttershy sang along. Though it seemed even a new eye patch couldn't get Rarity to be less prissy...you gotta respect that level of decorum. Applejack is still Applejack, Rainbow Dash is still working with Firefly and Zeta, their normally deadly Speed Barrier attack weaving together to make a beautiful impromptu fireworks display. And Twilight...is still Twilight, holding her rebuilt staff, The Mace of Zeus, high into the air, leading the procession of heroes calmly and with pride.

And now, here's my turn...and my song.

"LET'S DO THIS!" I shout, getting their attention, my wings buzzing to the beat.

The eagle born to those who pledged their lives and sacred honor was smiled upon by God and freed from chains and iron collar. He is held aloft on unity and by history revered; for preserving peace through strength his wings now reach across two hundred years. But for each of those and one year more, God has smiled upon The Corps, from the Barbary Coast to the Eastern Sand, by sword, by gun, or by bare hand. So it's been, and shall be weighed: though many are born, few are "made". Faithful Always, they shall remain, dogs to loose when war is waged.

The prologue lead to many ponies and Chess Pieces joining in, building to an intense crescendo, leading to the real song.

I am a Marine on the beach, I'm a killin’ machine, with a need to bleed you when the light goes green, best believe, I’m in a zone to be, from my Yin to my Yang to my Yang Tze. Put a grin on my chin, come to me, ‘cuz I’ll win, I’m one-of-a-kind and I’ll bring death to the place you’re about to be: another river of blood runnin’ under my feet. Forged in a fire lit long ago, stand next to me, you’ll never stand alone. I’m last to leave, but the first to go, Hard Corps is the only way I know. I feed on the fear of the devil inside of the enemy faces in my sights: aim with the eye, shoot with the mind, kill with a heart like arctic ice

To this day, I still can't get over how easy it is to choreograph these things out of bloody NOWHERE. Everyone falls in step perfectly, twirling their weapons of war while marching forward with a skip in their step.

Omnius: I am a Devil-Dog I’m marching on,
Everypony: I am a Devil-Dog I’m marching on,

Marty Stu: I am a warrior and this is my song
Everypony: I am a warrior and this is my song

I bask in the glow of the rising war, lay waste to the ground of an enemy shore, wade through the blood spilled on the floor, and if another one stands I’ll kill some more. Bullet in the breech and a fire in me, like a cigarette thrown to gasoline, if death don’t bring you fear then death ain't brought by no Marine. Come to the nightmare, come to me, deep down in the dark where the devil be, in the maw with the jaws and the razor teeth, where the brimstone burns and the angel weeps. Call to the gods if I cross your path and my silhouette hangs like a body bag; hope is a moment now long past, the shadow of death is the one I cast.

I must say, Rarity is VERY menacing with that whip of hers, and dangerous! She nearly took my head off!

I am a Devil-Dog I’m marching on,
I am a warrior and this is my song
Hell has no demon I won't overcome,

Celt: I CANNOT HEAR YOU!

I am a warrior and this is my song

Cutler: For more than two hundred years, this corps has done two things for this great nation!

Twigleaf: We make Marines! And We Win BATTLES!

Everypony: OORAH!

Knightmare: Never forget that! You're first Marines! And not all the demons in hell can overrun YOU!

Now I live lean and I mean to inflict the grief, and the least of me's still out of your reach. The killing machine’s gonna do the deed, until the river runs dry and my last breath leaves. Chin in the air with a head held high, I’ll stand in the path of the enemy line. Feel no fear, know my pride: for God and Country I’ll end your life.

I am a Devil-Dog, I’m marching on,
I am a warrior and this is my song

Echo throws his fist into the air, breaking out The Horns

Hell has no demon I won't overcome,
I am a warrior and this is my song

Aoi twirls his twin katanas, the magical blades kicking up a small cyclone

I made the devil himself turn and run,
I am a warrior and this is my song

Adam, the ancient Iron Golem stomps his foot, causing the lighter parading heroes to hop into the air.

Into the fire I will keep marchin' on,
Oorah, Marine Corps, Get Some...

We all stand and pose, triumphantly. Why? Because fuck yeah, that's why!

A crack in the air almost got me worried. At least, until I recognized it as the sound of the Possibility's cloaking shield shutting off.

Almost instantly the sky was filled with airships that we could have sworn weren't there before. Some were easily recognized, but four stood out with utter ease.

Leading the pack was The Ragnarok, my own airship, the black hardwood ancient light-destroyer likely piloted by my first mate and trusted friend, Octavia Philharmonica-Scratch. I could even see the grey earth-pony standing proudly on the prow of the ship, playing her cello as she commands the changeling/flutterpony crew to lead the small yet deadly warship through the sky.

Off to its left was a clockwork ball of rust, the small gasbag-style airship much faster than it looked, The Scourge was still piloted by a certain mad genius known only as Ivan. The human-turned-zebra most likely puffing a cigar whilst his all girl crew worked to keep the hand-me-down warship from accidentally scuttling itself.

To the right was what looked like a normal ship. The Black Tide was kept aloft not by propellers or a gas bag, but purely on blackened wisps of aether, throttling forward on oar-wheels and an angry red flame. Posing on the prow, likely competing with Octavia, was a mare that was far too stubborn to let something as miniscule as death keep her from this epic-scale victory party. Dame Trixie Lulamoon of the New Dominion, AKA 'Trixie the Unkillable'.

And last but not least, the biggest and most beautiful airship of them all, captained by one I dare may call a friend and one of the MEANEST birds you'll ever meet. The Hate-Seed himself, Lord-Captain Griffin North, King of the New Dominion.

"TAKE IT AWAY, GRIFFIN!" I shouted, knowing he heard me. ...yup, he heard me, works EVERY time.

Everypony: Shiver My Timbers, shiver My Soul
Yo Ho Heave Ho
There are men whose hearts as black as coal

Disarray: And they sailed their ship across the ocean blue
Derange: A Blood thirsty captain and a cut throat crew.
Drake: Its as dark a tale as was ever told
Of a lust for treasure and a love of gold...

Everypony: Shiver My Timbers, Shiver my sides
Yo Ho Heave Ho
There are hungers as strong as the winds and tides
Yo Ho Heave Ho

Changelings: And those buccaneers drowned there sins in rum,
Chrysalis: The devil himself would have to call em scum!!
Fudge: Every man on board would have killed his mate for a bag of
ginnys or a piece of eight,
Law: a piece of eight,
Donkey Kong: a piece of eight
Ticket: 5 6 7 8!

Thud: HULA WOKA HULA WOKA SOMETHING NOT RIGHT
MANY WICKED ICKY THINGS GONNA HAPPEN TONIGHT
HULA WOKA HULA WOKA SAILOR MAN BEWARE

Jazz: When the money in the ground there's murder in the air,
Fudge: Murder in the air!

Thud: ONE MORE TIME NOW

Everypony: Shiver my timbers, Shiver my bones
Yo Ho Heave Ho
There are secrets that sleep with old Davy Jones
Yo Ho Heave Ho

Octavia & Vinyl Scratch: When the main sails set and the anchor's weighed
Ivan & Catastrophe: Theres no turning back from any course thats laid

Griffin: And when greed and villainy sail the sea,
you can bet your boots there'll be treachery HA HA HA!

Trixie: YAAAAAA YA YA YA AAAAAAAA YAAAAAAA

Everypony: Shiver my timbers, Shiver my sails
Dead men tell no tales!

In a style eerily familiar to the few of the chess pieces who had been to a certain vietnam war memorial, countless names were arranged on a slab of obsidian that seemed to reach up to the very heavens themselves, as if it could lead the poor souls back down to Equestria for a final goodbye. Faint dots of ponies at either side still searched for the names of their loved ones in endless sorrow. It was a monument with meaning, forged with everyone in mind.

Knightmare rubbed a hand against one of the flash-grown cherry blossoms, looking up at the massive tower of polished volcanic glass. A tear fell from his eye at the thought of how many named were on there, how many creatures, be they pony, changeling, griffin, diamond dog, minotaur, dragon, seapony, and a myriad of others. Some he knew all too well, others he wished he’d known better.

He let a faint smile form as he watched a certain alabaster mare approach, little white drakeling and a gossamer-winged unicorn foal riding on her back. He gave her a gentle hug and took the two children in his arms as the mare stood before the monument, facing the massive crowd with a mournful smile. The mare spread her wings, the ticking of the clockwork machinery the only unnatural thing of the fluid motions. She made sure her spread wings didn’t obscure the twelve statues, each one representing one of the many great heroes who barely survived the final battle.

“Greetings, citizens of New Canterlot.” She said, her voice regal yet loving. She was joined upon the impromptu stage by a horned human-woman with a bulging belly, and a dark blue mare built like herself, albeit without the machinery. “I thank you all for coming to this, the commemoration of The Dystopic Lance a monument to commemorate all those whose lives were lost by this twisted game of Gods. Since Discord’s release so many long, painful years ago, many lives have been lost, some innocent, some less so.” Her voice grew dark at those last words, her lip quivering, dreading her own anger.

“It was truly the darkest time we, as a whole, have experienced. More lives have been lost, in this day and age, than any other period of our world’s history. Our world was thrust to the very edge of oblivion, and we very nearly toppled over the edge. In those dark hours, I nearly thought that we had lost...countless lives lost. Ponies, dogs, bast, griffons, minotaurs, changelings...

“But in the same breath...it is because of them, that we stand here today. Everyone who gave their lives, their souls, to ensure that we would be able to stand united against the horror. No longer were we simply Equestrians, Avians, or any singular species. We were brought together, as one people, to face the challenge head on.

“And it is thanks to those who were forced here, who were alienated from the start, that we are able to stand here today. While the Gods may have been responsible for this folly, it is also by them that we were given our saviors.

“I speak, of course, of the Chess Pieces. Those who were chosen to fight in this infernal war, but chose instead to guide us. They didn’t just give us a chance to survive, they didn’t just show us the wonders of what lies beyond our world...They brought us the most valued treasures of all. They brought us love. Courage. Redemption. And, perhaps most importantly of all...

“They brought us hope.”

The Solar Princess smiled, wiping a tear from her eyes. “And it is with that hope that today, we no longer live in fear of tomorrow, nor if tomorrow will even come. Today, this January sixth, would have been the day we held the latest Grand Galloping Gala. But I propose we try a little something from the home of the Chess Pieces. From this day forth, January Sixth will be known as....” She grinned at Knightmare, who pulled out his guitar from seemingly nowhere and played a sharp riff.

Leave your looms and milking stools,
Coop the hens and pen the mules
Come one, come all
Close the churches and the schools
It’s the day for breaking rules
Come and join the Feast of.....

Suddenly, one of them leaps forward, spinning a black, axe-like guitar in his holey hooves, the 'strings' a rainbow of lightning arcing across the spine. He takes the lead with a VERY distinctive voice.

FOOLS! Hahahaaaa!!!

Once a year we turn all Equis upside down!

He leaps up onto a lamppost, hanging upside down like a monkey.

Every man's a king, and every king's a clown!

He places a paper crown atop Cranky Doodle Donkey's head, and sticks a red rubber nose onto the face of Prince Blueblood.

Once again it's Topsy Turvy Day,
It's the day the devil in us gets released,

He pops up beside Luna, imitating a comical version of Nightmare Moon.

It's the day we mock the prig and shock the priest!

He makes a silly face at Blueblood, before using a shock buzzer on Clyde Pie.

Everything is Topsy Turvy at the Feast of Fools!

Topsy Turvy

Everything is upsy-daisy!

He leaps upwards, once again hanging from a lamp-post, now joined by several other changelings, each one taking as silly a disguise as possible.

Topsy Turvy

Everyone is acting crazy

Perfectly normal ponies begin chanting along and joining in the silliness with intensive glee, including Luna, who's begun dancing...upside down on the awning of the Royal Chariot.

Dross is gold and weeds are a bouquet

He pays for a bouquet of weeds with some rusty scrap metal, and then offers them to Princess Celestia as if handing them to a first crush, and then flies high with a girlish squeal when she treats the weeds like fresh picked roses.

that's the way on Topsy Turvy Day

Topsy Turvy

Beat the drums and blow the trumpets

Lyra leads the four military commanders of Equestria in an additional band, blaring out the music created by Miss Octavia and Miss Vinyl.

Topsy Turvy

Join the bums and thieves and strumpets

Noble ponies dance and prance about dressed in the worst rags they can find, while Lord Fancypants and Lady Fleur chase each other, having stolen one-another's undergarments.

streaming in from Chartres to Calais

Scurvy knaves are extra scurvy

He shares a mug of fresh cider with the Apple family.

On the 6th of January
All because it's Topsy Turvy Day

Come one, come all
Hurry, hurry here's your chance,

He begins ushering ponies towards a large stage.

see the mystery and romance

He offers a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows to Twilight, hiding near Celestia.

Come one, come all
See the finest girl in Prance
Make an entrance to entrance

The changeling pulls his guitar from seemingly nowhere and twirls it over his head

Dance la Esmeralda.......

The changeling brings the body down like a blade, sending out a multicolored shockwave and sending himself flying skyward.

Dance!!

'Esmerelda' is, in truth, a changeling disguised as a green version of Trixie, much to the surprise of the real Trixie, watching from atop the legendary Black Tide. She pulls her old lover and friend, Khajiit, out of the audience and makes him join her sultry, seductive dance. The rather sexual dance gets almost all of the males, and a shocking chunk of the female population, VERY excited, though we shan't go into detail, to keep the rating safely 'Teen'.

Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for

Many of the 'back-up changelings' begin snickering, alongside many ponies, griffons, diamond dogs, dragons, and felines at the massive party.

Here it is, you know exactly what's in store

Celestia nudges Twilight gently, getting a giggle from the nervous unicorn.

Now's the time we laugh until our sides get sore

Many are now cheering with glee.

Now's the time we crown the King of Fools!!

"You all remember last year's king!?" A muscular Pegasus known by many names but, for now, shall be called 'Tarzan', is brought out, wearing a comically designed duplication of Princess Celestia's royal regalia is brought out by several rather buff female changelings, all five of them grinning.

So make a face that's horrible and frightening

He bares his teeth, shifting to a humanoid physique to become more unnerving.

Make a face as gruesome as a gargoyle's wing

He shifts one of his wings into a massive dragon wing, then spreading it out to show it's still covered in nasty-looking holes, making a few dragons shudder instinctively.

For the face that's ugliest will be the King of Fools
Why?

He keeps his face painfully distorted, almost as if second nature.

Topsy Turvy

Ugly folk, forget your shyness

Many ponies, dragons, gryphons, diamond dogs, and a few other, unfamiliar critters practically leap onto the stage.

Topsy Turvy

You could soon be called "Your Highness"

Every last one is up there with a mask to hide their faces...except one. The tall, black creature looks like a near-perfect Chrysalis costume.

Put the foulest features on display
Be the king of Topsy Turvy Day

The crowd chants and cheers as masks are pulled off. Many of the faces are silly and rather disappointing...except the last one. She's not wearing a mask...

"CHRYSALIS!" Celestia shouts, her shout of shock and surprise nearly sending the emaciated queen tumbling to the ground.

"OI OI OI!" The smaller, guitar-wielding changeling shouts, "Calm down, boss-lady! We wanted the ugliest face in Equestria, and here she is! The FORMER Queen Chrysalis!" Chrysalis, having not had a chance to really speak, barely lets out a peep before she's literally TOSSED into the crowd whom, riled up by the song, dance, and alcohol, gleefully body-surf her across them to her destination.

Everybody

Once a year we throw a party, here in town

Tarzan removes the regalia and tosses it into the air just before getting tossed off of the wood throne, one of the changeling 'guards' asking him to meet her later.

Once a year we turn all Equis upside down

Celestia is frowning, but she's not reacting TOO badly....it HAS been three years.

Once a year the ugliest will wear a crown

Chrysalis winces at the title of 'ugliest face in Equestria', but accepts the shoddy regalia anyway, hoping to avoid pissing off the princess any further.

Once a year on Topsy Turvy Day

Now crowned, Chrysalis gulps, hoping this wasn't a bad idea, but the song continues anyway.

Hail to the king

The lead changeling twirls his guitar before playing a quick riff.

Oh, what a king

Chrysalis blushes at being treated like royalty again after so long being lonely.

Girls, give a kiss

The two mares are none other than Rarity and Fluttershy, both drunk, but the love they practically force-feed her is genuine.

We've never had a king like this

The lead changeling leaps high, joined by Rainbow Dash to create a beautiful show of rainbow light and arcing lightning for the occasion.

And it’s the day we do the things that we deplore

Chrysalis meets eyes with Celestia, whom has calmed and is smiling.

On the other three hundred and sixty-four
Once a year we love to drop in, where the beer is never stoppin’

Creatures of all kinds are laughing and sharing in seemingly endless cider.

For the chance to pop some popinjay

Celestia and Luna share some popcorn with Twilight.

And pick a king who'll put the top in Topsy Turvy Day

Chrysalis is hopped off of the throne onto a pedestal, basking in the cheers from her former foes, once broken and defeated; she finally feels what REAL kindness is like.

Topsy Turvy
Mad and crazy, upsy-daisy, Topsy Turvy Day!

Running steps. It was a wonderful wonderful thing to be able to run. Street lights blurred by-

Wait wait, let’s back up a bit. It’d be a good idea to tell you all what’s going on, wouldn’t it? I think I’ll do that.

My name’s Theodore Wilkins, and I’m ~~an incredibly handsome~~ ~~incredibly hard to kill~~ ~~annoying little bug~~ a human that’s been turned into a Changeling for an interdimensional chess game between a ton of gods and goddesses, all of whom have the power to squash me like, well, a bug.

...That explanation did nothing at all, did it?

Yeah, pretty much.

OK! Basic facts. Okay, Twi, you can stop POKING ME! Now, where was I? Alright, My name is Theodore Wilkins, and I was selected by Princess Celestia to join in what’s now known as The Chessgame of the Gods...though it’s more like epic-scale Risk. Apparently Discord wanted it to sound “refined”...I call bullshit on that, but whatever.

So, yeah, basically I was one of more than a thousand humans and near-humans dragged from our less-than-perfect, often downright unpleasant, lives here on Earth to the paradise of Equestria.

Sadly, the “paradise” part only means Equestria. The rest of the world was often as bad, if not WORSE than Earth in many ways.

Right now, the ‘Game’ is over, and there’s barely a hundred of us left, if that. Most of those still alive have lost their minds, and those who haven’t are still stuck in therapy...YES GRIFFIN, I CAN HEAR YOU! No the recorder spell WON’T pick up what you say...I HEARD THAT! OW! Okay, Okay, calm down, Twilight. I’m sorry. You know how I get when I’m being teased...Yes, I KNOW he doesn’t mean anything by it anymore, but still...OK, fine, I’ll keep going...yeesh.

Okay, so what this...thing is gonna be, is basically my memories. Occasionally with footnotes to point out when I’m spewing bullshit, or simply wrong. Sit back, relax, and buckle your seatbelts, because it’s gonna be a bumpy ride. Also, would the owner of a white station wag- OKAY TWILIGHT, I GET IT!

“GET BACK HERE YOU TWO ASSHOLES!” I screamed. Okay, sorry, I like the whole ‘In media res’ thingy...Erm, let me explain. Before ‘The Game’, I was known as Agent Theodore ‘Unkillable Ted’ Wilkins, working for what’s known as ‘The SCP foundation’. Basically a paramilitary collaboration of mad scientists making use of their scientifically-geared brand of sadism to keep something resembling normalcy for the rest of the Earth. They’re the reason why there’s no monsters hiding under the bed. Because if they find one, they like to dissect it. Yeah...

So, it was a basic situation. There’d been a break in at Site 19, where we house some of our more dangerous ‘specimens’, including, but not limited to: a real-working toy thermonuclear warhead (with REAL explosions), a chocolate fountain that creates chocolate bugs that eat ANYTHING nearby to make more chocolate, and a guy named Jehovah. No I don’t think he’s THAT Jehovah but the guy makes a convincing argument. So, yeah. Two thieves just broke the fuck into the place like it was nothing. Keep in mind that even the entire US Military is unwilling to try and bust in here. And guess who winds up with the ‘luck’ to be sent after the fleeing thieves?

Yup. Yours truly.

Imagine my shock when I find out the ‘thieves’ are a goddamned talking zebra, and his gryphon girlfriend, fleeing with an almost literal metric FUCKTON of dangerous SCPs, including more Tele-kill alloy than I care to imagine.

Contrary to popular belief, I can be killed. I just tend to have a lot of ‘bad luck’ with the whole ‘dying’ thing. I’ll explain later, suffice to say, if they want to they probably CAN kill me.

No, not the gryphon and the zebra.

My BOSS, the dreaded ‘Doctor’ Alto Cleff and his buddies.

“Sorry Teddy! Got places to go!”

“Oh goddammit! Just gimme the shit back and we’ll call it even, OKAY!?” I kept chasing them. Yeah, I’mma stop with the whole explanation thing because trust me, I’ll finish explaining it all LATER. Just...seriously, these guys are FASTER THAN THEY LOOK!

The gryphon had the audacity to turn around and blow a raspberry at me.

“OK now that was just RUDE!” No, seriously. After all these years, I’ve learned one important fact: Cata’s a bitch. And she’s even WORSE if she LIKES you... Scary thought, isn’t it? Now think, for a brief moment, what she puts poor Ivan through.

I’ll let those nightmares sink in for a bit.

“Old man! You aren’t catching up to us!” There was another jeer.

“FUCK you, bitch! I’m SIXTY! What the fuck do you EXPECT!?” Have I mentioned that? I was actually over sixty-five years old back then. Even older now, but...well, sixty is ‘young’ for a changeling....

“If we ever meet again, I swear I’ll give you something back!” Ivan tried, his hooves smacking against the tile. “THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR LOCKING US UP!”

“What the HELL are you two talking about!?” I screamed, gasping for air as my ability to run and chase dwindled away to nothing. For fuck’s sake, people, I chased these two all the way to the nearest city...Also, Site 19 is in a goddamned mountain range. Think about that for a second!

A door slammed open and both ducked inside, their stolen collection of not-so-normal artifacts precariously stacked high and tilting to the side. “Time to go. Fuck you Teddy, and may we never meet again!”

I couldn’t stop in time and smacked my face into the slammed door.

“Ow....I’m a dead man walking, so I’ll see you in hell, damned zebra-thing.” Yes, I was bitter. I’m also not joking. Doc Clef will kill me, or at least try too with a distinct probability of success, when I get back. Assuming I don’t die of exhaustion before then....

There was a brilliant flash and a decent part of the door disappeared. “So long...”

OK, I’m gonna kill your vibes by jumping to the next day. I’d spent pretty much the entire damned night getting creamed by Clef, with SEVERAL attempts by Tim to put a bullet in my head, literally. Apparently the reaper doesn’t like me, because either the shots went wide or didn’t fire at all, and when he tried to just crack my skull open with the fucking gun, it slipped out of his hands and broke a window.

Toldja I was hard to kill. Didn’t mean I wasn’t scared pissless. Trust me, death would be an IMPROVEMENT over working for this maniac.

Not five seconds later and we get a blue alert. That means an uncategorized SCP has contacted us.

Yeah, they’ve got plans prepared for weirder shit than that.

The gist of the message was ‘I need a champion, someone pure of heart, a kind soul, and really hard to kill’. Along with an address for a cafe in town.

Guess who got sent there?

If you guessed Doc Clef, you’re clearly braindead. OW!...I thought it was funny...

Okay. Cafe. Here I am, out of uniform, with my only remaining personal possession, an old broken guitar with no strings. About to enter a cafe with a SCP of unknown origin or purpose. Possibly walking to my doom.

Yup, sounds like a pretty normal mission for a low-ranking agent.

I’m gonna die.... I thought, shivering slightly before I entered.

I looked around for anyone ‘out of the ordinary’. I found one in a gal with pastel-colored hair, wearing a white leather biker jacket, sitting in the back and sipping from a bigass bottle of rum and bourbon. How did I know this? Because there was an empty bottle of rum and an empty bottle of bourbon on the table, and she’s drinking from a bottle big enough to fit the contents of both. Ergo, she probably mixed them.

Or she really, REALLY wants to get drunk, and is on her third bottle of hard liquor.

I bet you can’t guess who she is!

If you guessed everyone’s favorite solar princess, you’re correct! Sadly, I didn’t know this at the time.

“Okay, so how the hell did Clef arrange for a babe like you to kill me?” The woman spits out her alcohol into my face and gawks at me. Apparently not expecting an introduction from her ‘champion’...Hey, how the hell was I supposed to know about The Game at the time? For crying out loud, man! I just met the gal.

“Ahem,” she said, before dabbing her lips with a napkin, then cleaning my deadpanned face off. “I don’t know where you got the idea that this ‘Clef’ character sent me as an assassin, but if he did send you, then I think you could help me...And don’t worry, I have neither intention, nor desire, to kill you. Quite the opposite in fact. It’d be best if you lived as long as possible.” She seemed rather sober and businesslike for someone who was just guzzling the hard stuff.

“What do you need me for, and what’s the catch?”

“What I need you for, is to be my champion in a very BIG game of chess. As for ‘the catch’? You’re a piece. I’m the player.”

“Okay, and where, pray tell, is this ‘game’ taking place?”

:”In my home world. One I think you’re familiar with.”

“...Eberron?”

“OH! So close and yet so far...”

“Gaia?”

“Sorry, no monkey-tailed aliens where I come from.”

“...Equestria?”

“BINGBINGBING! We have a WINNER!”

“Okay, I’m gonna call bullshit right here, right now. Seriously? Equestria? I get the whole ‘multiverse’ theory, but are you seriously telling me that YOU, a human, are from EQUESTRIA, and you want ME to be your PAWN in a GAME!?

“Technically, you’re a piece, not a pawn. Don’t ask, Discord’s the one who picked the terms and we both know how much he LOVES making no sense. And as for me being human...weeellll...”

“...Ohmycelestiayou’rechrysalis!” Old people are dense, aren’t we?

The woman looked at her bottle, then handed (hoofed?) it to me. “Looks like you need this more than I do,” she said, before pointing it at the sun...and PUSHING the sun down into a beautiful sunset....

“OhfuckinghellIjustinsultedbestpony....”

“Wrong again, sweetheart. I’m not Twilight. I’m Celestia.”

“I...I...I refuse to comment on that, lest it result in me becoming a pile of ashes.”

“Smart move,” the mare in a mortal body said, giggling playfully. I couldn’t tell if she was serious or just kidding. I know how dumb this sounds but, as much as I love Celestia...she SCARES me. Think about it. All that power, practically immortal...and yet she STILL is willing to ‘get close’...to her subjects, I mean. I...you know what I mean. She’s a goddamned goddess that gave up sheer power for being closer to mere mortals. Ya gotta respect that dedication to being a good role model.

“Alright,” I finally say, after getting my head back on straight. “I’ll do it...on ONE condition...”

She perks up. “Oh? And what would this ‘one condition’ be?”

“When it’s all over...if I survive this ‘game’....Can I...may I please stay in Equestria?” OK, I’ll say this right now. I was literally a millimeter away from breaking down in tears. I’ve forgotten almost all of my life because of the Foundation. Do you know what they do to ‘rookies’ like me? They ERASE YOUR BRAIN! I know NOTHING about my life from before I joined them. I don’t even know WHY I joined them! All I can remember is the shit they’ve forced me to do, and the shit they’ve done to me to make me comply. Memories of ‘My Little Pony’ are the only BRIGHT point in my life...at least...that I can remember.

The sun princess taps her chin, making a big show of ‘thinking it over’. Within moments, she smiled back. “We have a deal,” she says, reaching out her hand to shake. I take it almost instantly and we shake on it, sealing the deal permanently.

“You seem to have some issues with your memory. And I don’t exactly need you there immediately. So for one year I’m going to have you in sort of ‘magic stasis’, to let you rest and prepare for the challenges ahead. I’ve had my sister construct a ‘Dream World’ for you to train and prepare in. Use it wisely.”

My vision blacks out for a brief moment. I feel around, hearing running water and feeling soft grass below me. I open my eyes to see...everything in a weird, faceted vision with a red glaze over everything. And up above my head is...an island!?

“What the hell!?” I hop to my feet...and fall forward onto chitinous hooves, scrambling to see everything. I'm standing atop a small island with a small pond, a tiny waterfall flowing down into an endless void of nothingness, and all around me are THOUSANDS of tiny islands, each one more strange and bizarre than before...

“WHAT THE HELL, BRO-LESTIA!? THIS ISN’T EQUESTRIA!”

'
Author's Note: OK, I'm so sorry for how long this took. I'll be honest, for a long-as-fuck whitle I was considering throiwng FNTK down the drain entirely.... But thanks to the efforts of 7-4 and Nathan Traveler[whom will likey post comments almsot immediately] the prologue of the re-write of From Nobody to Knightmare is not only complete, but UP!

And, hopefully, future chapters will follow.

Also, upping the rating to mature because I can assure you things aren't as easy as before.

FNTK Reborn Chapter 2: Whole new life, Whole new world

//------------------------------//
// FNTK Reborn part 2: Whole new life, Whole new world// Story: From Nobody to Knightmare// by JJ Malcolm//------------------------------//

Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever

Chapter 1: A whole new life in a Whole New World

Hey, everyone, Knightmare here. Okay, I know this is gonna sound embarrassing, but Twilight just force-fed me my meds because she was getting ticked off by the lack of coherence. Hopefully it won’t be much of an issue later so...yeah...ignore me, and let’s get back to the weird bulls#!t that is my past.

Okay. I last left off having just realized I was on a floating island in the middle of friggin’ NOWHERE. Literally, there was nothing but my island and a scant few others. I wasn’t alone on the island, though. I could tell by the whispering coming from behind me.

“Are you sure he is stable, sister?” came the gruff yet feminine voice of Princess Luna. “We have made so many wrong choices in the past.”

“I am as sure as can be said, Luna,” replied Celestia’s calm and soothing voice. “He is a good soul, and he will remain as such.”

“What of the others? Will they tolerate the time we spend in preparation?”

“Not likely. But Discord left loopholes to use, and use them I shall.”

"And in the meantime? Will the land remain intact while we prepare? I hear whispers that others are coming that seek to disrupt everything we have strived for."

“I have my sources, dearest sister,” Celestia said. “I don’t think there’s too much to fear for in the year ahead, but he should have plenty of time in this dream zone. Hopefully the one called ‘Marty Stu’ doesn’t accidentally break your barricades before then.”

"We can only hope. Halt, he is awakening."

“What hit me?” I asked, mainly out of confusion. I took a quick look around before slowly sitting up, still confused out of my mind.

“...A bus, maybe?” Celestia replied, wearing a playful grin on her face.

“A bus...oh hardy har har, real funny.” I brought my hand to my face, hoping to massage away my migrane, the reality [or sur-reality] of my situation pretty much negating my comprehension of the severity of the situation of being so close to the mare of my dreams.

And THEN I got a good look at my hand.

Or, more accurately, my hoof...which was riddled with holes.

“OH WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ME!?” I screamed, backpedalling to escape the freakish sight of my mutated AND dessicated limb. Sadly, I really ought to learn to watch where the hell I’m going. Because I wound up backpedalling OFF of the island, and into the endlessly deep void.

Just as I was about to impact the impenetrable blackness where even the sun dare not tread, I felt an intense, excruciating pain....and re-appeared high above the island where I began, looking down to Celestia’s approaching face...and realized I had ‘respawned’ over the endless void...

And ‘de-spawned’ again.

This repeated for what felt like hours, with Celestia laughing harder and harder each time.

“Si-sister! Puh-puh-please m-mo-move his...r-return point,” Celestia finally said between gasps for air.

“Fine...and it was just getting funny.” Luna’s horn glowed, causing the mysterious ‘point’ of spacetime to move over the island with a safe, manageable drop distance. Which is good because I’d probably have broken my neck from the prior height, especially as painful as the sort-ish drop was.

“Okay, what the bloody hell is going on here!?” I screamed, finally climbing back to my...hooves.

“To sum it up, we’re not IN Equestria. Well, we are, but not at the same time. This is your ‘Dream Zone’, an extension of your mind that’s a section of Tel’aran’rhiod,” the sun princess stated.

“What?”

“Tel’aran’rhiod,” she repeated, her voice slipping into the tone of a wise and benevolent teacher. “It’s what’s generally called the realm of dreams. Because of that, this world operates on different laws than our own. For example, one hour in the ‘real world’ is equivalent to twenty-four hours here. Once you finally do come to Equestria, be careful who sleeps near you, as they will also get pulled into the dream world, though that may be beneficial for you eventually. Now, do you want to know why you’re here?”

“Well...yes!” I replied instantly.

“Theodore, you have barely any recollection of who you truly are. With the 24 years you’ll first spend in this dream zone, you will be trained by three heroes from Equis’ past, as I remember them. With their aid, you will relearn some of your most vital skills, and hopefully be prepared for your place in...Well, I’ll explain that later. For now, just know this: if you get hurt here, you will experience the pain in real life...the same goes for if you die under abnormal circumstances, such as in Tel’aran’rhiod proper. No pressure!”

It took a few seconds for that to properly sink into my thoughts. “I’m in deep shit, aren’t I?”

“Well, that’s ONE way of putting it...” She turned to her sister and nods. “By the way, I’ll be coming back once a year by your time to gauge your progress. Take care, Theodore.”

With that the Sun Princess bowed out, replaced by three ponies I never thought I’d see.

The first was a brown-coated earth pony with a spiky brown mane. He carried a bullwhip and rapier, and wore a green bow tie. His cutie mark was a simplistic golden hourglass. His expression was that of an unyielding calm, while his eyes glinted with a manic glee.

The second was a pink-coated, blue-maned pegasus. Her little pink bow on her tail was cute, but her expression of fierceness and defiance seemed more in line with a war veteran or rebellion leader than an adorable pink pony. Her cutie mark was two electric-blue lightning bolts.

The third and final equine was a dusty grey unicorn with a long white beard and mane in a rather comical-looking blue, bell-studded robe and steepled hat. His cutie mark was a star surrounded by a vortex of energy, and his aged expression was one of ancient wisdom and patience deep as the ocean.

Those three were my trainers.

The Doctor, legendary swordsman and mad genius of the Nightmare War.

Firefly, the first Wonderbolt and a mare who defied fate and logic against an ancient evil.

And none other than Starswirl the Bearded, the mightiest conjurer of the Discordian Rebellion.

...This was gonna hurt, wasn’t it?

* * * * *

“You’re not fast enough!”

Whack!

“Almost had it that time!”

Thwack!

“Ew, that would be messy if I were using a sharpened sword!”

Thwack, thwack, THWACK!

The Doctor sent another barraged of blurring sword strikes at me, piercing my defenses as if it were completely nonexistent. Sadly, they technically were. I only had my old guitar as a weapon and no idea how to use any weapons, let alone what was effectively a wooden battleaxe. I had no idea of what I was do-

THWACK!

“You really need to focus,” The Doctor chided, clucking his tongue in mock disapproval. “How do you expect to survive in the thick of battle if you don’t keep your wits about you?”

“...Dumb luck,” I answered. Yes, I was, in fact, being entirely serious. I’ve survived eighty years on sheer dumb luck.

THWACK!

Emphasis on DUMB.

“Oh, come now. What about your own cunning, and wits?” he asked in reply, this time striking at my knees. Miraculously, I managed to block it on my guitar, and push him back. He grinned at me, and said, “You see? In battle, the best weapon doesn’t lie in your body. It lies in your head, in your heart!”

THWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACK!

“Of course, knowing how to USE your body can be helpful.”

“YA THINK!?” I snarled, still trying to get used to walking on four legs. Add in the fact that I was using a battle-axe which needed TWO legs to even have a chance of using, which this form was clearly not designed for....My body has no OSHA compliance at all.

THWACK!

“Narrating to the readers doesn’t do you any good in battle!”

“...Are you breaking the fourth wall or am I actually speaking out loud to you?”

“...Bit of both.”

* * * * *

KRACKKOOM!

“SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!” I fell over the edge of the island...AGAIN.

“Not every battle is gonna be a one on one duel, Kiddo,” Firefly said, looking at me with a cold smirk. The pegasus-turned-alicorn-turned-back-into-pegasus was clearly enjoying her ‘artillery escape’ lesson.... She was the artillery, I was the one escaping.

“Ya know, it’s kinda hard to escape artillery if the only safe haven is UNDERNEATH the island! Ya know, where the ENDLESS VOID OF DEATH is!”

“Bah, quit whining and start running, kiddo. Once you get used to moving around, THEN I’ll teach you how to fly.”

“FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”

KRACKKOOM!

“Let me guess. Firefly?” Starswirl asked, looking at my...less than perfect appearance. I think I could see my spleen lying a couple of feet away from me.

I tried to tell him Yeah, that bitch deep-fried me, eviscerated me, and tore me to pieces...and not in that order, but all that came out was, “Hargghhhle farafle.”

“I’ll take that sickening gurgle you’re making as a ‘yes’,” Starswirl muttered. He took a deep breath, and looked at me with a mixture of wisdom and amusement; a very Dumbledore-y look. “In that case we’ll start with basic healing and bodily repair magic. You’ll need it.”

His horn glowed, and I felt my wounds start to seal up, and mend themselves, powered by what I could only guess was the power of his magic.

He smiled at my expression of astonishment, and gestured to my newly healed body. “Not many true practitioners remember this, but...Magic isn’t just power. It isn’t just something you pick up in a book, that you can use automatically. Magic, in itself, is one of life’s purest forms. To truly use magic, you don’t just have to know how to use it. You have to believe in what you’re doing.” To emphasize his point, his magic swept through my body once more, dulling the pain, and filling me with a sense of...

I think the best word for it was life.

Starswirl stroked his beard, and offered me a hoof. I gratefully grasped it in my own, and he hauled me to my feet. Erm, hooves.

“Contrary to popular belief, but...everypony can use magic. As I said, it’s a force of life. And all creatures, be they the smallest changeling, or fiercest dragon, hold some measure of life within them. It’s in the air you breath, in the ground you walk on,” he continued, tapping my chest gently with his hoof. “That’s why I’m not going to teach you how to use magic...”

Oddly, I didn’t feel disappointed at hearing that.

“Instead, I’m going to teach you why you use magic, where it comes from. For in the end, all of your victories will have come from your heart. Your laughter, my young Knightmare, holds more magic than any firestorm that I could conjure. That is why I suspect what you take from my lessons shall be vital to your very destiny...So...shall we begin?”

I nodded vigorously.

“Excellent,” he chuckled. “Now, allow me to tell you about an old story they used to tell me of when I was but a foal...”

* * * * *

“So, Knightmare,” Celestia asked. “How’s the year been?”

“Honestly,” I replied, using my dampened fingers to douse the flame on my fin-mane-thing. She’s calling me Knightmare? Not a bad name. I’ll take it “I’ve survived worse...and I’d like to believe I’m actually improving.”

“Honestly, Celly, the fact that he’s even ALIVE right now is promising,” Firefly added, earning rolled eyes from her fellow legends.

“Well, a living champion tends to get more done than a dead one. And undead are, technically, not allowed by the game’s rules,” Starswirl pointed out.

“I’d hope so. That’d be cheating with the whole ‘last one alive’ thing being the goal...” The Doctor muttered the last part underneath his breath.

“Exactly...” Celestia muttered, looking a tad perturbed.

“Yeah, well...Ugh. sorry about the...mess. We tried to get back one of my memories just before you arrived.” I waved my hands in the general direction of a bridge that Firefly was dousing with water.

“It was some creature called a ‘Creeper’, milady,” StarSwirl said, “It, well...it explodes when it gets close. He wasn’t paying attention when he was coming back for supplies.”

“....Coulda been worse.”

“Aye, Starswirl, remember the fiasco with that first memory chest?” Doctor Whooves added.

*****Flashback!*****

“I DON’T LIKE THIS IDEA, FIREFLY!” I screamed, hanging on for dear life from a vine...attached to a floating rock barely bigger than my head, DANGEROUSLY close to a flow of magma that was coming from, literally, nowhere. I could see the top and there was no source for it.

“Look, kiddo, you need to find your memories and THIS is your best bet for tracking the damn things down.” The irritable, and irritating pegasus called out, flittering about a few dozen feet behind me, in the comfortably cool air away from the PHYSICS DEFYING SPOUT OF LAVA WITHIN ARMS REACH OF ME!

So when I felt I couldn’t get a better swing, I let loose......and promptly caught the vine with my foot, because it was MUCH closer than I thought, and wound up being flung INTO the lava I was just attempting to get away from.....

You can guess how much THAT hurt when I respawned.....

*****End Flashback*****

“Well...there IS always next time.” Celestia said, stepping back through the veil to reality....

FNTK Reborn Chapter 3: Almost Cubeland

Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever

Chapter 2: Almost Cubeland

”Hey guys guess what! It’s meds time! So that means your buddy Knightmare here gets to relive some absolutely fascinating-“

”Oh no, You need to talk some more about the time you first spent in your dream world.”

”What? But Twilight that part is so boring! That’s why I skipped it!”

”You didn’t do it enough justice! People listening to this in the future are going to be really confused!”

”Fine, I guess I can come up with some funny stuff about it... so apparently we’re doing “Listen To Knightmare Talk About Dreams” today! Yay.”

After Luna left from her first check-in, we went right back to bloody training.

“Since that memory didn’t go particularly well, let’s take a break from memory-hunting. Still have 23 years after all. Get your axe back out. Oh, to have this much time in a single location...” the Doctor sighed in nostalgia, as he went to retrieve his weapon.

Uuugh...” I went and grabbed mine.

* * * * *MONTAGE!* * * * *

THWACK

The Doctor bruises my head.

*CRUNCH*

Firefly cracks my ribs.

BOOOOM

A creeper explodes on a structure I’m building.

-mmmMMMMM-

Star Swirl Heals my wounds.

Repeat ad nauseum.

This pattern continued for the entirety of my stay in my ‘safe’ little chunk of Tel'aran'rhiod.. As such, we’re going to try and not talk about it because it sucked and was mostly me getting beat till my bowels could not hold their contents any longer.

Instead, I’ll tell you about my wonderful rainbow filled adventures in floating island park! Well, those weren’t necessarily that interesting either but at least I won’t have to talk about fighting a bunch.

Where to start?

Well, I suppose with the island. Originally, it was only around 200 feet in diameter and fairly circular at that. Using my trusty Minecraft skills learned from too many hours in front of a computer, I was quickly able to build bridges to the other nearby islands using wooden planks. Finding some lava, I started up a trusty cobblestone generator and used it to expand the island I was on.

This took alot longer than in Minecraft though. Probably because I was doing all the actual moving and couldn’t move as fast as Steve?[yes, that’s how his name is spelled] could. Over the course of the years, in between dying horribly and losing fights with my trainers, the island expanded.

Many of the small, nearby islands contained chests, in each an enchanted item. Each time I found one and took the item, I saw one of my lost memories. Most were fairly innocent, not really worth going into detail about. Almost all of them were from before I turned five...though one I found in a house hanging inches from the void on one of the islands was from when I was six.

In that memory...I was an orphan. I know I had parents in the others, but something happened around when I was five that left me an orphan. That knowledge, well...it drove me to find out more.

Regardless, I opted to take this ‘hanging house’ and make it my new base of operations. simply because it was really cool designed and I rather liked the use of ebony....which kinda tipped me off ‘maybe this isn’t normal Minecraft’.

And cue the crazy ideas!

“OH! I can put the macerator here! And the induction furnace right there! Can’t forget a sorting system! And I think I’ll use liquiducts full of lava for lighting!”

“Wait? Pipes full of molten rock...for lighting?”

“Yep!”

“That....actually sounds pretty cool. Completely insane and moronic...but cool.”

“That’s the important part, right?”

Who knew Firefly, of all ponies, would be interested in interior design? The fact that I was aiming for ‘steampunk tinkering workshop’ theme may have had something to do with it....

With the knowledge that I could, eventually, bring others here. The main island became some strange cross between a motel and a factory, a place where possible allies could relax and prepare themselves and I could make more and more wacky stuff. Seems star Swirl liked the idea, and promptly claimed a room dedicated for his own magical antics. Firefly opted to stick with sleeping under Luna’s night, whilst Doctor Whooves chose to bunk in my little ‘headquarters’ alongside me.

No, nothing sexual happened, get your mind out of the gutter....

No one said anything happened, Knightmare....

“...Shush you”

”Sounds like something else we need to talk about. I’ll add it to the checklist”

I’m now preferring we get back to the story....

Why?

Because I know exactly where that line of discussion’s gonna be going...

”If you insist.”

Where was I? Oh right! Memory vaults! So, as I continued expanding my little isle, I still had to hunt SOME of my memories down. It was pretty fun, adventuring like that. There was one time I had to make an entire system of water elevators just to get down to the proper level, safely.

Do you understand how hard it is to place water over a single floating block 20 blocks down, such that you can barely see it? It’s hard. It was maybe 3 blocks up from the void.

You know what that vault told me?

It told me I knew how to play the guitar.

WHOOP DE DOO, I ALMOST DIED 20 TIMES, STUPID BRAIN!

Towards the end of the dream, the first section at least, I came across my first truly important memory. was exploring one of the many islands when I saw it. Another of those damned vaults! I’m beginning to find a pattern on what memories are locked up where. Broken bridges are memories lost due to old age, while these vaults seem to have been intentionally locked up by the SCP foundation, why I still don’t know...but hey, apparently they didn’t want me to know how to play guitar.

Like seriously, it’s a guitar. Why would they care?

Well you may not have remembered it then but...

You DO realise just how cliche that is? It wasn’t until the NEXT Vault, or rather the one I was getting ready to talk about, that I started piecing things together....

True, very true. Please continue.

This particular vault was locked up underneath a barrow hill in a jungle biome. Somehow, three lava pools had formed above it, putting lava everywhere. I had to swing my axe and diamond sword a lot to get down to the level of the vault; at least ten cave spider spawners impeded my progress. But it ended up being worth it. Because in that vault, I found my first combat spell.

You got the firebolt! It’s made of fire! And lightning! Too bad it’s weaker than even your punches. But hey, now you can light shit on fire!

Crappy as that seems... It was the memory that was unlocked that made it feel so important... I was running through a jungle. I could hear bullets impacting the trees around me.

Voices filtered through the trees ahead of me. Anger and hate welling up within me. One of them was clearly human, a local, probably whoever I was fighting. The other two, however, were alien to this world, and it was their voices that filled me with some form of unyielding rage.

As I entered the clearing, I could hear them speaking, arguing. I didn’t know what they said at first, but I remembered the words.

“Tao nói với mày rồi, tao không biết FaeBane ở đâu! Nó đi đâu mất tiêu rồi!”

“Uln'hyrr! Naut tangis'l' FaeBane shlu'ta simply vanish saph nindel”

“....FaeBane.” I said, striking a small flint and steel against a fuse. “Is that what you lot call me these days?” They didn’t have time to flee before the fuses on my trap ended, igniting enough napalm to send the surrounding jungle up in flames. I hefted my axe and brought it to rest on my shoulder. It was the same guitar-axe I’d had all these years.

“Well boys....it’s time for some payback.” Their heads were rolling in the flaming underbrush before they had time to scream. I turned and left the grizzly scene with a sense of calm, reading a street sign not far away. “Almost to Saigon....”

The memory end abruptly, fading from view and leaving with flint and steel in my hoof. Those blasted Fae. I’d find them...But why? The reason still eluded me. Why in the HELL did I hate them so much? What did they do to me to make me think that way? To make me NEED to kill them? Is this how Shining felt about the changelings? If so, I’m in for a world of hurt if we meet.

...

Yeah, that’s not going to end well. Or begin well. None of it is going to be “well.”

After making my way back to Home Island, I spent more time training. I got a little better. Not a huge amount, but certainly some. I didn’t find any memories of import by the time Luna and Celestia made their final visit - the visit to cement my entrance into Equestria. My teachers and I greeted the rulers as they entered.

“So Knightmare, You’ve been here quite a while. Much has gone on in the rest of Equestria, which I can tell you more about once we’ve returned to it. Are you prepared?”

“As I’ll ever be, your majesty...”

“Would you care to give a demonstration?”

I grinned and nodded towards a stage area I’d built in my spare time. “Follow me, ladies!”

Making sure my guitar was in tune, I stepped onto the stage while my teachers and the princesses sat in front. And I played a rather...unexpected song.

As the song opened up, I set to work, tapping my hoof against a hidden switch, setting the unseen machinery in motion. Progressing through the songs, I prayed silently that my timing was as close to perfect as possible and began prancing on my hind legs across the stage.

Perfectly on cue, hidden fore cannons blew their loads into the air, lobbing fireballs less than an inch behind me as I passed them over.

Fireworks dispensers unleashed as well, blasting their ways upwards and skywards, flying in every direction and littering the sky in glittering sparks of light.

Everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, I had either learned or re-learned was put to the test. And after an intense show, I stopped with my feverish dance and looked out to the stands.

My audience was impressed, speechless even. Slowly, they started to clap (clop?...no) and were cheering after a couple of seconds

“It seems you’re doing far better than when we first left you here Knightmare, though I feel you may have much more to uncover” Celestia smiled.

“I had a sinking feeling you’d say that.” I held out a map. “Been mapping the place out and, if this thing’s remotely accurate, I’ve barely scratched the surface. It’d go alot faster with some help, but these three seem to prefer beating me up until I learn things over, y’know, going on adventures and keeping me from an agonizing demise....”

“Meh, it works at least...” Firefly responded, shrugging.

“Considering you’ll come here every night, you’ll have plenty of time.”

“...Say wha?”

“Oh, I guess I forgot to mention. Once we exit the realm and you are living in Equestria, every time you fall asleep, you’ll spend those hours here. Meaning a full eight days every night, here, in the land of memories and monsters. Sounds fun right?”

I swear she was doing the best impression of a troll face I have ever seen. And she’s a pony goddess!

“....could be worse.”

“Kngihtmare...what’s that red thing behind you?” For a second I thought she was pranking me, then, for a split second I heard a hiss.....

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

“I hope he doesn’t have this kind of problem when we get to the other side.” Celestia said, her hair smoking and her face coated in changeling guts. Luna’s retort was to gasp out a puff of smoke. Before you ask, I had the ‘honor’ of seeing that because I respawned a few inches away from where the Nitro Creeper blew up.

“Eugh. Now that’s that out of the way, are you ready to go?”

“Well....sure, why not?” At my answer, she conjured an End Portal within the hole in the one-block-thick floor that the creeper blasted out.

“Just hop on in, Knightmare.”

“Sure, but one question....why Knightmare?”

“You’re a knight, and I’m a mare...I felt it sounded cool.”

“...Rule of cool, very nice, I like, I like.” With a grin, I hopped into the portal, phasing through back into reality.

Author's Note

HEY GANG! First of the new chapters for FNTK, thanks to Thethhrion for taking up the job as my new GhostWriter! Now things wil progress, keep a look out to see when the new and revised chapters show up, because there'll be alot of changes made to the story as a whole before we officially begin progressing. You'll know if they're new by the 'FNTK' added to the start of each chapter title.

PLEASE NOTE that the previous chapter[Chapter 2] has also been edited as well...

FNTK Reborn Chapter 4: Equestrian Badass

From Nobody to Knightmare

by JJ Malcolm

FNTK Reborn 2.75: An Equestrian BadassAlbum 1: The Greatest Gala Ever

Chapter 3: An Equestrian Badass

I fell for hours.....nah, it was more like a half a second but I couldn't help it with the joke.

As I came to a sudden stop, I quickly realised I was clinging to the edge of a cloud with my hooves. The holes in them helped grabs chunks of the cloud. Sitting atop that cloud was none other than Princess Celestia herself, looking at me with that eternally patient smile of hers.

"Um...a lil' help here?"

"Why certainly!" She said, her smile broadening. "At least, after you're done with her."

I shouldn't have looked. I REALLY shouldn't have looked... But the sudden appearance of what could only be a changeling, namely me, right beside Princess Celestia, and more than likely right over an important city or town, would have looked like a reason to get involved to anypony present....

But to Rainbow Dash? It looked like a reason to start some bug squashing...

And I was the bug.

"FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-" My curse was cut off when Rainbow slammed into me with enough force to shatter the cloud, causing Celesta to grab for air, lest she become a splat on the pavement. As for me and a certain blue hothead?

"WHO ARE YOU!?" she screamed, right in my face I might add.

"I’M A FRIEND!LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE!?" I scream, my head addled from her slam too much to think straight. Did I mention just how WEIRD changeling voices are? I feel like I didn’t. Imagine a dozen of so different voices, all speaking SLIGHTLY off-pitch, and with an ominous buzzing thrown in. It's REALLY creepy.

“LIKELY STORY!!”

I then did my second stupid thing today. Getting blown up by a nitro creeper doesn’t count.

I looked down

WWWOOOOOOAAAAAAAIIIIIYAAAIIIYAI!!!!!!

Time for a song, to save my sorry ass.

Take some venom and accept

She strikes, I parry.

That you won't see nazareth

I know this song.

The rainbow leads you home

I LOVE this song.

Warrior sent to milky way
Ufo shooting gamma ray
A riot of destruction

Our brawl is heating up. I dip and dodge, barely keeping up with Rainbow. Hey, i didn’t say I got a LOT better in the Dream World.

"WHY THE BUCK ARE YOU SINGING!?" She shouts.

Because fuck you, that's why.

Watch the rockbitch go down, and vixen spread

She divebombs me as I plummet, keeping me from flying properly.

When the priest killed a maiden in the metal church

I strike her across the face, she bucks me in the hind-shin.

Armored saints and warlocks watched the slaughter

I reign in my wings. I’m doing much better in the dodging department. In fact, she’s hardly hitting me anymore and getting frustrated about it too. I’m still plummeting, but a good bit slower.

Rage of the slayer forced the pretty maids

I try to go on the offensive. My right forehoof hits her but I’ve overextended and my shoulder dislocates. Did I mention that I’m still not that great at fighting?

To kiss the queen in crimson glory

She turns, glaring at me, one of her teeth knocked out of place and her nose bleeding.

"Shit."

You were born a motorhead
She flies around, gathering clouds.

Bike's in flames you race ahead

The clouds congeal into a small, but dense and powerful thundercloud.

You do the kansas rush

She flies off, and for a moment I allowed myself to hope she was fleeing... Yeah, that’s bullcrap, it’s Rainbow Dash. I’m in for a world of hurt.

Racing with the motley crew

I can't see it, but she stops nearly a mile away and turns back

Annihilator chasing you

She rushes towards the storm cloud so fast she creates a Sonic Rainboom.

With guns and burning roses

"ULTIMATE BUCCANEER BLAZE!"

"Oh fuck me." Also, that’s a pretty unoriginal name

Status quo has been reached, wasps unleashed

She slams into, and THROUGH the storm cloud, surrounding herself in seven archs of searing hot lightning, each one a different color of the rainbow.

When the priest killed a maiden in the metal church

I watch in horror, with no hope of dodging the massive spear of super-sonic lightning coming my way. I’m NOT that fast in the air

Armored saints and warlocks watched the slaughter

My body tenses, and I let go, allowing my instincts to take control. They’ve saved my life before....

Rage of the slayer forced the pretty maids

Maybe they will now?

To kiss the queen in crimson glory

Make that 'Definitely', as when the impact is almost unavoidable...I open my jaws...and bite.

Take a skyride with me, then you'll see

Huzzah for dumb luck. I bite the lightning, to be exact, kicking through it at Dash, tearing her electric shield from her and sending her off course. I feel like that shouldn’t have worked.

When the priest killed a maiden in the metal church

I watch in shock, ignoring the pain in my mouth as Dash nearly crashes.

Armored saints and warlocks watched the slaughter

Everypony below is watching. Their jaws would probably drop through the ground if they could

Rage of the slayer forced the pretty maids

With the danger now gone, for the moment at least, I can think about flying and land softly.

To kiss the queen in crimson glory

My song ends, and I'm now fully conscious of just WHAT I just did.

"Can someone please explain HOW THE FUCK THAT JUST HAPPENED!? Also WHY was attacked without reason? Can’t give a guy a break? No, everypony just attacks the changeling without asking any questions when he APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE!" I scream, officially not giving a shit about 'first impressions', especially since Dash made a rather piss poor one, what with the whole 'trying to kill me' thing.

"You were attacking Princess Celestia, that's why!" Dash shouts, ever full of confidence.

"Attacking?" I asked, rather quickly getting irritated....I'm not afraid to admit I have a VERY short temper. "ATTACKING!? I didn't TOUCH her! She turned me into a changeling, brought me here, drops me from hundreds of feet in the air and you assume I was ATTACKING HER!? You'd have broken my fucking NECK if she hadn't warned me you were gonna attack!"

"....Seriously?"

"SERIOUSLY!!!!"

"Um, c-can I see your wings?" asked a butter-yellow pegasus, one I quickly recognized as Fluttershy. I sigh and respond.

"Y-yeah.... Just so long as Miss Psycho over there keeps her distance." I grimace, my mouth still hurts like hell. I think it's just burns, honestly. I keep my cool as Fluttershy approaches, looking over my wings. "Quick question...what's so interesting about my wings?"

"Um, well..." She's as shy as always, but apparently someone's been building her confidence.

"You see, normal changelings only have two wings, a single set."

"And?"

"You have two sets."

"It’s supposed to help with mobility or something."

She blushes and backs away, apparently thinking I'd been offended, or something. My jaw drops, mainly at the sudden 'Captain Obvious' actions of Fluttershy, that's not exactly normal. However, in doing so, she shrieks and runs off.

Before I can reply, both Applejack and Rainbow Dash jump me and attempt to beat the tar out of me. Yet again, running on instinct, I begin singing....again. But this isn't a song for an awesome battle. I'm pissed, and wanna defend myself. So, like an asshole, I wind up singing the most VILE song ever written in human history. A song used for torture, to induce suffering and madness, a song made ESPECIALLY for pain!

I love you
you love me
we're a happy family
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you
wont you say you love me too!

The song begins working quickly, filling all who hear it with a sensation of utter gut-wrenching disgust, even me. I'm literally about to puke half way through this vile song.

I love you
you love me
we're best friends as friends should be
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you
wont you say you love me too!

The song, thankfully, ends. Applejack and Rainbow Dash have backed off. I step aside into a bush and promptly barf, only to look up and see Princess Celestia doing the same.

"Please...PLEASE never sing that song again." she asks.

"Trust me, I won't..." I stand back up, still hacking up whatever's left in my throat. I hop up to a rain barrel and take a quick swig of clean water to clean it out. "I apologize, but you left me no choice."

"Dude, that was...ugh." Dash groans. Even Fluttershy was sickened by it, judging by her being curled so tightly in the fetal position she's just a pink and yellow ball.

"Here, I've got something I KNOW you'll like!"

"NO!" Twilight screams, "NO MORE SINGING!"

"Awwwwww, but I wanted to sing you the song of my people!" Heh, learning a new culture, almost guaranteed to get Twilight to change her mind.

"....fine... As long as it's nothing like that horrifying THING a moment ago!"

"Trust me, total opposite." I grin, and take a deep breath, only to be silenced by Celestia. "but-"

"Here, this may help a bit." She says, presenting me with my guitar.

“I WONDERED where that had gone.”

Just as I finished speaking, she SHOVED a hoof in my mouth. It hurt. Shocked by this, I ALMOST bit down, but she pulled it out quickly....And yanked out seven bolts of lightning that, somehow, GOT TANGLED IN MY TEETH! She smacked them onto the guitar, and each one took a place, making a rainbow of lightning, replacing the strings that were threadbare. Needed to be replaced sooner or later. But still....

"You want me to use a guitar that has LIGHTNING for STRINGS!?" I shout. "ARE YOU NUTS!?"

"I did pick you to be my patron in Discord's game..."

"And that answers my question." I sigh and decide it’s time to try a changeling power...I look up at the grinning goddess, and wind up picturing her possessed by a Nightmare, big flaming mane, gold armor, shark-toothed grin.... And almost instantly my darker corners infect the image, turning her into a buxom humanoid.... Humanoid.....yeah, that'll work! I concentrate on that form, shifting the armor to avoid any nudity faux pas. In seconds, I'm wreathed in green flames...and replaced by Knightmare Sol.

"HUZZAH! I AM KNIGHTMARE SOL! THE UNCONQUERABLE SUN!"

Yeah..I'm a very large ham. All I'm missing is some glaze....or maybe a Wooden Toaster. Either way, i've got a song to sing.

"SIT BACK, FOALS! YOU MIGHT WANT TO BRACE YOURSELVES!"

Yeah
And I set up and tore down this stage with my own two hands
We've travel this land packed tight in mini vans
And all this for the fans, girls, money, and fame
I played their game
And as they scream my name
I will show no shame
I live and die for this
And if I come off soft
Then chew on this

I practically shoved my face into Dash's, earning a surprised glare from her.
Are you scared?
Devil Without A Cause
And I'm back with the beaver hats
And Ben Davis slacks
Thirty pack of Strohs
Thirty pack of hoes
No rogaine and the propane flows

My mane flares up higher than most of the houses.

The chosen one
I'm the living proof
With the gift of gab
From the city of truth
I jabbed and stabbed
And knocked critics back
And I did not stutter when I said that
I'm going platinum
Sellin rhymes
I went platinum
Seven times
And still they ill
They wanna see us fry
I guess because Only God Knows Why
Why why why why
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh
They call me cowboy, I'm the singer in black
So throw a finger in the air and let me see where you're at
Say hey hey
Let me hear where your at and say hey hey
I'm givin it back, so say hey hey
Show me some metal and say
Hey hey hey hey
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Gat!!!!!

As the song rolls, I march through the crowd, jeering at the faces of the ponies closely, even Twilight's.

Fuck all y'all
I like AC/DC and ZZ Top
Bocephus, Beasties and the kings of rock
Skynyrd, Segar, Limp, Korn, the Stones
David Allen Coe and no show Jones
Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh
Pass that bottle around
Got the rock from Detroit
Soul from Motown
The underground stoned fuckin pimp
With tracks that mack and slap back the whack
Never gay, no way, I don't play with ass
But watch me rock with Liberace flash
Punk rock, The clash
Boy bands are trash
I like Johnny Cash and Grand Master Flash
Flash flash flash flash

I drop my armor whilst unleashing a blindingly bright light

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
They call me cowboy, I'm the singer in black
So throw a finger in the air and let me see where you're at
Say hey hey
Let me hear where your at and say hey hey
I'm givin it back, so say hey hey
Show me some metal and say
Hey hey hey hey
Uh, uh, uh, Gat

I calm down, and level a menacing glare at the Elements of Harmony

Yeah, I saw your band
Jumpin around on stage like a bunch of wounded ducks
When you gonna learn sucker
You just can't fuck with

I contort my transformed body in a seemingly painful manner, twitching psychotically. It doesn't actually hurt me, but it sure as fuck LOOKS painful.

Twisted Brbrbr Brown Brown...TRUCKER
TRuuuuuccckeeeeerrrrr

Lewd gestures continue throughout, hopping around to pester ponies until they loosen up.

I'm an... American Bad Ass
Watch me kick
You can roll with rock
Or you can Suck My Dick
I'm a porno flick, I'm like amazing grace

I grab onto Lyra and BonBon, ignoring an odd sensation from touching the earth pony mare.

I'm gonna fuck some hoe's after I rock this place
Super fly, livin double wide
Side car my glide
So Joe C can ride
Full sack to share
Bringin flash and glare
Got the long hair swingin middle finger in the air
Snakeskin suits, Sixty-five Chevelle's
See me ride in sin
Hear the rebel yell

I shout a full-on "FUS RO DAH!" in Celestia's face.

I won't live to tell
So if you do
Give the next generation a big, Fuck You!

I gleefully flip the bird to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, much to the CMC's amusement. How do they know what that means?

Who knew I'd blow up like Oklahoma
Said fuck highschool, pissed on my diploma
Smell the aroma
Check my hits

I spot what looks like a cross between Fluttershy and a bulldozer flying my way, rearing up to pulverize a perceived threat.

I know it stinks in here

Cause I'm the shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

I hop away, pillars of green and blue fire jetting up with each bounce.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh
They call me cowboy, I'm the singer in black
So throw a finger in the air, let me see where you're at
Say hey hey
Let me hear where you're at and say hey hey
I'm givin' it back so say, hey hey
Show me some metal and say
Hey hey hey hey
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...huh huh

Even Celestia has begun to join in the singing. Hell, the only ponies left unamused are Fluttershy, who's still in the fetal position, and her...big sister? Mom? Either way she's still trying to kill me.

I'm a cowboy
Bad ass in black
Singin
Hey hey hey hey
From side to side
From front to back
Say hey hey hey hey
I put Detroit city back on the map
And singin
Hey hey hey hey
Kid Rock's in the house
And thats where I'm at
Hahahaha

"Captain Barricade!" Celestia shouts, catching the beautiful brute's attention. "There's no need to attack Knightmare." She uses my new name, though some appear to know I'm not a 'normal' changeling.

"But it's a changeling! Impersonating you!" She seems panicked, maybe this is after the Royal Wedding?

"Actually, HE is a minstrel. He was offering a show as I had considered hiring him."

"Wait, really?"

"Yes, really."

"Oh Celestia, you magnificent bitch." I whisper to myself, grinning at the mastery of manipulation necessary of a politician as old as her. Gotta remember, minstrel, that'll probably have to be my cover 'round here, whatever her plan is...

"Now then, Knightmare. I do believe your show made a bit of a mess." Celestia grins, "Mind helping tidy up before we go speaking in private?"

I gulp and slowly turn around, gazing upon Ponyville in the middle of a party riot of epic proportions. The town's a whole damn mess, with scorch marks almost everywhere, not to mention the damage from me and Barricade's brawl.

"Wow...did I do that?"

FNTK Reborn Chapter 5: Fixing up the town

Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever

Chapter 4: Ponyville is for Friendship!

Meds are not fun. So today, we’ll be talking about fun stuff. I realized I haven’t talked about the relationships I made in Ponyville at that first visit that grew much more important later on. So, here we go!

After the fight I and the massive Fluttershy-tank had, it took a full week to get everything set back up. I helped, seeing as I had caused the mess in the first place, at least partially.

Dumb Rainbow Dash being all up in mah grill.

Ponies were all assigned to whatever group they were able to help out most with. I normally got hoofed manual labor, as nopony wanted me to sing again.

Probably the Barney song.

Yeah, pretty much.

While I was helping, Rarity let me stay in a guest room above the boutique. Generosity indeed, though I think the Princess vouching for me had more to do with it.

During my stay, I got to meet some of the more fan-liked background ponies, such as Lyra and Bon Bon, the day after I arrived.

I was actually helping put their house back together when Lyra walked up to me.

“So...you’re a human, right?”

“What!? How can you tell?”

“Why else would Celestia be on the side of a changeling? Also, you’re music was definitely not Equestrian.”

“It could be, uh...Griffinian?”

“Funny you would mention that. The human who got turned into a griffin DOES play that kind of music.”

“Well, damn. So...how’d you know?”

“He’s not exactly secretive about being an alien.”

“Ah. It’s not something I should be hiding then?”

“Depends.”

“Depends on what?”

“If you’re strong enough to fend off the people that DON’T like you being a human.”

“Oh.” I stopped and thought, “How high are the chances of meeting someone who won’t like me being human?”

“Aside from Octavia? Not many. She’s got...issues. Legit ones, but still...”

“...Someone managed to piss off octavia? They’d best not meet me.”

“Fan of hers?”

“Of several, actually, you and BonBon on that list as well.”

“Hah! I’m flattered than a human would know about me.”

“Lots of them do, actually. There’s even a song someone wrote about you. Want to hear it?”

“Mmmm, sure why not?”

I began to sing, using my wings to produce the music.

Human beings fascinate me, being just the way they are!
Tell me, little pony, can you push a cart or drive a car?
Lyre is my instrument, but humans strum their sweet guitar
It's a mystery, anthropology!

I was suddenly at a desk wearing glasses, inside Lyra’s house. What?

Fingers, toes and tiny noses, brownish hair and tannish skin
Would it be too much to ask to see the world they're living in?
Everybody tells me that it's old and fake mythology
It's a mystery, anthropology!

I started pulling charts and building materials out of nowhere, replacing burnt wall parts and holes with new bricks and random, human themed objects.

Aren't you bored of brushing your coat, styling your mane with your hooves?
I don't mean to butt in or gloat, but ancient history proves...

And then, Bon Bon. Art and photographs appeared in my hooves and were hung. The house was being built at a ridiculous rate. Bon Bon was bouncing about helping, though she looked incredibly confused.

Humans don't have wings or magic. They don't need it; they don't care!
All they've got's imagination, new inventions everywhere!
Babies, children, teens and elders, all alike have clothes to wear
It's so real to me, anthropology!

Bookshelves were filled with all kinds of works. Bon Bon and Lyra danced about with me, spinning and jumping, everything being put in place.

Albert Einstein, Cleopatra, William Shakespeare, Elton John,
Michael Phelps, Barack Obama...who's to say that they're all gone?
Maybe humans like us too and dress like us at Comic-Con? ;)
It's so real to me, anthropology!

And now the three of us were out front, singing in the streets. Somehow, there weren’t many ponies out here...

Yeah, they've had a couple of fights,
Nobody's perfect you see,
Still I say I'm born with the rights
to study whatever I please!

Glares passed between us but were shrugged off. We started climbing the house, decorating as we went.

I don't need to horse around now, I can stand on two legs!
I would trade my magic powers for a pair of new legs!
Grab your camera, come on, zoom in!
'Cause your favorite mare's a human,
ME!

That is who I'll be!
Anthropology! shh.

We ended on top of the house, singing as loud as we could.

“Whew! That was great! I need to have you over again some time.” Lyra was grinning from ear to ear.

“Lyra! While I’ll admit that was amazing, he nearly destroyed the town yesterday! I’m not sure having him singing is the best idea. Not that I don’t appreciate what you just did for us, however you did it.” Bon Bon, obviously, was nowhere near as pleased.

“I’d love to hang out more! Even if your marefriend isn’t quite so keen.” I shrugged, opting to not correct her that Barricade had done a fairly extensive bit of damage as well.

“UGH.”

And then I started hearing voices.

Look you. I don’t want any trouble. I do not understand how you become so important, but I hope you shape up your ridiculous behavior before then! Kapeesh?

It sounded like Bon Bon but her mouth wasn’t moving, though her scowl certainly matched the words.

What are you staring at? Git!

Looking back, it seems obvious. Still, considering my past, going insane was a legitimate possibility

You could have handled it better though

I ran away, screaming like a little girl until I got to the other side of town for my next job. My thoughts absorbed me for the rest of the day, as I tried to figure out why the voices were only just starting NOW. I assumed it was because I was out of the dream world finally.

Three days after my “accident”, I encountered a terrible force, a terrible, terrifying force. A terrible terrifying force of TERROR!

I met the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

*shudder*

Pray I survive....

Knightmare...

Myeeeessss?

Shut up.

It’s dramatic tension!

..............

...okay.

I had moved on to helping reassemble the town hall, when a dust cloud came tearing down the street towards me.

I should have known better than to stand there.

Before I could question the possibility of such physics, I was picked up, gagged, roped into a ball, gagged, blindfolded and carried off down the street. A good ten minutes later, the blindfold was removed and three faces stared down at me. Then the faces turned backwards.

“Awww, so much for changeling catching cutie marks!” Is that....?

“Ah was shore we had it right...” Yes, yes it is.

“What now?” I’m so boned.

“What about interrogation cutie marks!?” Nononononononononono

“OH! And then the princesses’ll give us recom- reco- awards for getting super important information about spies in Canterlot!” Wait for it...

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CHANGELING INTERROGATORS YEAH!” Oh no....

From wherever they hid such things, a spotlight appeared, blinding me.

“So! Mr...uh...What’s it’s name again?”

“I think Rarity said it was Night Fare.”

“Night Fare? What kinda name is that?”

“A dumb one, that’s what! Whatever. So! Mr Night Fare, what are your secrets!? Tell us or we’ll...uh....dunk your head in jelly!”

“Yeah!”

“Uh, girls, we probably need to un-gag it so it can talk...”

“Oh.” Sweetie Belle removed the gagged and I cleared my throat.

“I’m not an IT! I’m a guy! And my name isn’t ‘Night Fare’ it’s Knightmare! Knight with a K as in ‘Knight in Shining Armor’? I WORK for Celestia, you three!”
“Oh I’m sure, Mr. ‘Night Fare’. That’s just what you want us to believe isn’t it!?”

“No, I really work for Celestia. You’ve seen me at the boutique Sweetie!”

“Oh yeah...”

“Wait, Seriously!? Aw man, there goes that idea....” Too bad for you Scootaloo. I don’t planning on getting interrogated by the three craziest fillies in Ponyville anytime soon.

“Yes. Also, it’s Knightmare. Now would you please untie me? This is really uncomfortable....”

“Shore thing Mr. Night Fare!”

“Thank you Apple Bloom. Also, my name is KNIGHT MARE. Like, A ‘knight’ in shining armor and mare, as in...mare.” Wait, knight in shin-I’m going to pretend I didn’t say that.

“Now, don’t you three have some other adventures to be up to?”

“Yeah! If we didn’t get anything from you, we were going to try being scientists! I’ve got chocolate milk and lightning in a jar! Let’s see if the milk is flammable!”

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER SCIENTISTS YEAH!”

“Wait wha-”

Before I could do anything, Scootaloo had opened the jar on the milk. Somehow, this caused an explosion which managed to fly me all the way to the outer edge of the Apple family orchard.

“Ow, ow, ow...How does that even work!? At least the walk back won’t be long.....”

The last big event that happened while I was in Ponyville that first time was at the end of the week. The work was all done and there was a party being held in the town hall. When I got there, the party was in full swing. It was one of those raves, with the dubstep and everything. A song was just ending as I walked in and somehow the familiar, magenta-shaded DJ noticed me.

“Hey mister! Your song rocked! Wanna sing again?”

A resounding “NO!” went up from the gathered ponies. You’d think they would have gotten over it in a week.

“Alright, relax, geez. Have another one then!”

The white unicorn mare with the electric blue mane made her way over to me as she left her...magic turntables? on automatic...or whatever. Magic doesn’t have to explain shit.

“Hey, whazzup? Dude, you gotta teach me some of your songs. I’ve heard some of the stuff the Griffin Pirates put on and if anything you’ve got is like that, it’ll ROCK. I gotta get in on this shit.”

“I suppose I could... What are you looking for?”

“Dude, I don’t even KNOW. You humans have some wack music. It probably doesn’t even matter! Just gimme something!”

“Um... I think I have a few in mind but you’ll have to wait til later. I don’t think these ponies want me singing soon.”

“Private concert!? Dude, I can totally dig that. Just give me a time and I’ll be there!”

“I’m leaving tomorrow, so...Maybe later tonight? When’s this party set to end?”

“End? When the last pony falls motherbucker! But you could probably just wait til they’re drunk enough. Sound good?”

“Yeah, I guess. I can wait.”

“Awesome! Lookin’ forward to it.” She waved and went back to her post.

Sure enough, as the party approached 1 AM, the ponies were incredibly drunk. Vinyl waved me over to the stage, and on the stage I went, carrying my guitar and hoping this didn’t come bite me in the ass.

“No offense, Vinyl, but I’ll likely use something a bit softer than earlier, if only to avoid migraines.”

“Dude, whatever. Your human music is the SHEEEET!”

I braced myself and began playing an old classic of the metal genre. An old favorite of mine.

"I'm a wheel, I'm a wheel, I can roll, I can feel! And you can't stop me turning!"

I didn’t make any fancy movements for the song. Mostly, I moved about the stage, headbanging occasionally. I did rock out a bit on the solo, as any good rock god in training should. The ponies certainly enjoyed it. They didn’t even mind who was playing, though that was still probably the booze. Still, when the song came to an end, they cheered as they had for Vinyl and there were even a couple of shouts for an encore.

After a gesture from the DJ behind me, I obliged.

“Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on!”

This song required a few more dances moves. I also found myself unable to tear my eyes away from females in the audience. They just looked so...sexy all of a sudden. I stepped up my dance moves, showing off a little. Apparently, at least for a few, it worked like a charm. This was really weird, but I went with it. As the song came to an end, there were a lot more positive faces and maybe even some lusty ones... Sadly, for them or me I never really figured out, I had places I needed to be, and I was on the verge of passing out as it was. Nonetheless, tomorrow I’d be in Canterlot...and hoping nothing blew up, fell apart, or tried to kill me.

Oh, how pointlessly high my hopes were.....

FNTK Reborn Chapter 6: Baby got Flank!

Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever

Chapter 5: Baby got Flank!

Is this entirely necessary? Can’t we skip this, of all things?

My memoirs, my words, my memories. Shush.

"Oh my!" The princess gasped, her body tensing. I gently drug my fangs across her flank, laying loving kisses along those muscular thighs. I carefully hooked my fangs on her silken red panties and begin to tug them off, enjoying the sound of her giggling at the clever use of my new appendages, fluttering my four fairy-like wings to beat away the intense heat of our love. As I tugged them down further, she tapped my horn with her own and whispered oh so lovingly into my ear.

"I'm not wearing panties..." I opened my eyes to see Celestia, Twilight, and Rarity blushing deeply. Applejack and Barricade looked like they were ready to cave my skull in, whilst Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Spike were laughing their guts out.

"....I was narrating my dreams....again....wasn't I?" I ask, utterly ashamed.

"Yes." Celestia replies, rather curt, but seemingly more embarrassed than angry. I then realised that I wasn't just narrating, I was acting out my dream! I IMMEDIATELY pulled my insectoid lips away from her cutie mark and back away a safe distance. Not far enough, considering that, while MUCH bigger on the inside, the Royal Chariot is still an enclosed space. I got about ten inches before tumbling over Fluttershy. "Uhh....sorry."

"No need to apologize." Celestia said, almost effortlessly wiping her blush away. "It sounded like it fit a romance novel but, well, I guess if this were a book it would be more of an adventure comedy, than a romance."

"Heh....yeah..." I gulped and held myself down onto the seat, at first sitting like Lyra, just like a human would. Then I and everyone else noticed something that rhymes with 'would', making all of them blushing....and making Celestia break out in a HUGE grin..... "Oh dammit ta hell!" I opted to lay down, keeping it hidden, but I could hear Twilight whispering to Rainbow Dash.

"He talks like Griffin." The purple unicorn whispered conspiratorially. Who the buck is Griffin?

"If that crazy pirate is HALF that big, then Gilda's got a hell of a catch." Rainbow Dash responded.

"OK, ladies. Two things. First of all, Miss Dash, mind NOT talking about my you-know-whatsit? And secondly, who the heck is this 'Griffin' fella? Aside from being some crazy pirate..." Almost instantly, everyone went silent. "Oi....lemme guess, 'Classified Information'?"

"Not...exactly..." Celestia began. "I was actually hoping we'd wait until we arrive at the castle." She taps her chin with a hoof, "Then again, considering who's waiting there, I half expect you to break out in song...again. So maybe it would be best to give the basics NOW instead of later."

"Ah, yes. This mysterious 'Mission' of yours." I raised my brow at her. I knew she only had good intentions, and I must admit she is, and always will be 'Best Pony' in my mind...but that didn’t change the fact that she was a politician. And politicians lie. I don't like liars. Even immortal, genuinely good, genuinely loving, utterly adorasexy liars that made me want to give them hugs and have weird dreams...

Fucking hell I'm weird. I didn’t recall being this horny since adolescence.

"Alright. Since you hold distinct dislike for lies and liars, I'll give only the facts." She took a deep breath and began speaking, Pinkie Pie Style. Wait, how did she know I was thinking about liars?

"Approximately 12 months ago Discord, the Spirit of Disharmony, escaped from imprisonment in stone due to a freak accident, three naughty children, piss poor timing, and garden layout which then lead to him bringing over an entity known as a ‘Human' using the name of Echo into this world and transformed him into a Diamond Dog which was promptly followed by several other god-like entities dragging humans from your world into this one, each one being changed in some way to a different, non-pony species, which at this point has left them all running amok across the planet doing everything from random murder to saving villages to even starting a rebellion in the Gryphon Dominion. That is being lead by Griffin the Griffin, a human turned griffin, whom, I might add, is going on a musical tour as we speak to try and recruit allies in his war on the Diamond Dogs,. He should be arriving soon, maybe even today for all I know, but I dragged you here, and I apologize for not asking, but I really need someone I can trust to get as much information on ALL of these 'humans', why they're here, who their 'Game Masters' are, and what said game masters have planned for their pawns." She stopped to take a few short breaths before calming down.

All of us remained silent.

No, seriously, that was a hell of a sight.

Even PINKIE ain't got lungs like that...

Totally wrong about that. Pinkie’s lungs are WAY bigger.

You were new, it’s okay.

Ah, fuck. Lewd thoughts, lewd thoughts! Shit!

And there I was, doing two things. Firstly, I was coming to terms with the fact that 'Best Pony' just press ganged me into spying on humans dragged here by likely psychotic elder god-beings, most of which probably hate her guts, specifically to ensure that they were as minimal a threat to Equestria as possible.

And second was thinking of a song....

You thought I was gonna sing it already, didn't you?

Nah, THAT song I'm saving for later.....you'll see why I was so glad for saving it.

"I.....I need to get some air...." I gulp and move towards the door. I knew we were a long way up, but the thing was designed to be climbed on mid-flight. Just in case. A fact I was quite glad for at that particular moment.

Seriously, that was a LOT of shit to take in so fast...and in one breath, no less. She couldn’t have brought that up during 24 years of getting memories back? I mean really...

Yeah, yeah, you'll get your song. Just calm the buck down, ok?

As I reached the top of the chariot, I shifted to a human form. Not my own, but that of a fictional human I'd idolized. One I hope to emulate, here in Equestria. Celestia wants me to be a spy? I'm gonna be the most badass, Spiralized spy she ever saw. Thusly, I stood there, wearing naught but tattered pants, a battle-torn cape, and the most badass sunglasses ever designed, and I sang.

You cannot see it coming
Always without a warning
You need to hold on tighter
Find a brand new start
High on the wire
They taunted you like the Messiah
Time for a change
Before your life just falls apart
How could you find a way
From deep within your heart
Reach out and gaze at the star
Let the vision fly
We always have to spin on
Out of shadows to the light beyond
Never shut your waery eyes
But always try to see the line
Can you see it in your mind
Wearing the mask for so long
The clown must believe to hold on
Throw down your fears
and guide the strength which lies within
We always have to spin on
Out of shadows to the light beyond
Never shut your waery eyes
But always try to see the line
Can you see it in your mind
Can you see it in your mind
New rising sun will shine forever
All your power strong as steel
Turn the page and seek no saviour
Break free and see
The line through the wheel
We always have to spin on
Out of shadows to the light beyond
Never shut your waery eyes
But always try to see the line
We always have to spin on
Out of shadows to the light beyond
Never shut your waery eyes
But always try to see the line
Can you see it in your mind
Can you see the line
See the line through the wheel
Can you see the line

As my song died down, I reverted to my NEW real body and opened my eyes. I felt a tear fall down my face.

It was mine.

Obviously. Do you have to be so dramatic?

Why yes, yes I do.

*groan*

I felt wings wrapping around my body. I looked up to see Princess Celestia Everfree, (I learned her full name later) regent of Equestria, the Unconquerable Sun, pulling me into a gentle wing-hug. I sighed.

"I'm sorry." We both spoke at once. Ladies first.

"I'm sorry...Knightmare." It felt weird hearing it still, but for all intents and purposes, it WAS my new name. My old life is gone whether I liked it or not....I totally liked it. This was still better than working for the SCP. "I should have asked more clearly, instead of tricking you into agreeing with me."

"No need to apologize." I said, "I was the one too rude to actually listen, otherwise I'd have actually realized it. And I'm sorry, too. I tend to get really emotional. And, well, I literally CAN'T hide my emotions like I used too. When I get emotional, I hear music, and now it just flows out. You sure gave me weird powers as a changeling. It'll take some getting used too. But I'm confident it'll be more enjoyable than anything..."

"Hey." It was Rainbow Dash. She and the other elements looked at me from over the rim of the chariot. "Any hopes for an Encore?" I grinned, my pissy mood gone thanks to the royal hugging.

"Sure. But I warn you, don't go expecting something somber. I'm feeling kinda....silly."

"How silly?"

HEY, WITCH DOCTOR! GIVE US THE MAGIC WORDS!
Alright you go ooo eee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang
Alright!
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bing bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bang bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bing bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bang bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bing bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bang bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bing bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bang bang
I told the Witch Doctor I was in love with you
I told the Witch Doctor I was in love with you
And the Witch Doctor he told me what to do
He told me
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bing bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bang bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bing bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bang bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bing bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bang bang
I told the Witch Doctor you didn't love me true
I told the Witch Doctor you didn't love me nice
And then the Witch Doctor he gave me this advice

Princess Celestia, shockingly (or maybe not...), began to join in at this point, with the rest of the Mane Six, and even a few guards following shortly afterwards.

Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bing bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bang bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bing bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bang bang
You can keep your love from me just like you were a miser
And I'll admit it wasn't very smart
So I went out and found myself a guy that's so much wiser
And he taught me the way to win your heart
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bang bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bing bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bang bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bing bang
Ooo eee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla bang bang!

We had JUST finished singing that song, for the third time, when we landed. T‘was a sight to see for the populace: a bunch of guards, the six manliest mares in Equestria, and their beloved Solar Monarch singing and laughing alongside a changeling with a freaky battle axe.

I am NOT manly.

Shhh, don’t get your muscles in a bunch.

Come here you ... We’ll be right back

*CRASH BANG WHIRRRR VVZT VVT tumtumtum “YOU CRAZY- ARGH”

“SHIT”

....

*CRUNCH*

Okay! We’re done! Sorry, Knightmare needed some help with interpersonal problems that couldn’t wait. Back to the story!

...ow *sniffle*

I honestly shouldn't have been so shocked when I was tackled by five different guards, one of which was none other than-

"SHINING ARMOR!" Twilight screamed, interrupting my WTF-moment as her brother prepared to beat the green goop out of me with his bare hooves.

Thankfully, this got him to stop....and turn a bright purple ray on his own sister.

"HOLY MOTHER OF WHAT THE FUCKING HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" I screamed, unthinkingly. Thankfully, Twilight was unharmed, though a flash of her own violet aura apparently answered that. Shining stopped and spoke.

"Oh my Celestia, Twiley! I thought you got replaced by one of these things!" He proceeded to turn the beam on everypony, eliciting a different, wholly unique aura on each of them. This drastically calmed him down.

"What the hell, bro!?" I shout, "You just blasted your own sister with a fucking LASER BEAM! What the hell!? And you were about to beat the shit out of me! WHY IS EVERYONE THAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE AN ALLY WITH TRYING TO KILL ME!?" I turn to Celestia with a questioning glare.

"I...might have forgot to mention that you were a changeling." She smiled and blushed, clearly embarrassed (no, she was just a good prankster). I responded by flying up and poking the side of her head, vaguely amused by her eyes going derped at the prodding.

"I'm going to keep this up until you decide to forewarn me of any further attempts on my life I should know of, whether they be accidental, or more of your 'tests'...."

"Um....not likely...except, well. One of our visiting dignitaries may not like you much...."

"Who?"

"Best to see for yourself."

"Then I'll keep poking your noggin until we arrive." We had entered the castle and were moving through the halls.

"Okay." It’s a bucking maze, that castle

"Uh, wait a minute." Dash asked.

"Mmmmyessss?" I asked, doing my best to sound bored even as I prodded the sun goddess' head relentlessly as she walked.

"So, now we know WHY you were singing back there...but you didn't have the guitar the whole time. Where was that music coming from?"

"I...Would you like to answer that?" I replied. Celestia complied.

"Sound vibrations." she smiled, before flicking my wings with her tail, causing me to stumble to the ground. "His wings beat in such a way that it almost perfectly mimics the instruments of the songs he's singing. But it causes him to fly erratically, which is why he was unable to properly stop his fall until the song ended. It's also why he was able to flawlessly dodge every blow Barricade threw at him on the ground, instead of buzzing about uselessly. He kept skidding along to the rhythm of the music. Though, anyone else with a good sense of rhythm might be able to keep up."

"So in the air, I'm a dead man if I start singing, but on the ground I'm an untouchable ninja rocker."

"Basically." We seemed to be coming to a dead end with a door. I stopped poking her head...and gave her a very VERY big grin. She got nervous, and rightfully so. I just had a WONDERFUL idea.

"So...the meeting...royal throne room?"

"Yes."

"Right down the hall?"

"Um...yes..."

"Alrighty then...Can't touch dis.”

And with that, I burst open the doors and began singing

Can't touch this
Can't touch this
Can't touch this
Can't touch this
My, my, my music hits me so hard
Makes me say "Oh my Lord"
Thank you for blessing me
With a mind to rhyme and two hype feet
It feels good, when you know you're down
A super dope homeboy from the Oaktown
And I'm known as such
And this is a beat, uh, you can't touch

A guard tried to tackle me, but I was skittering along the floor so wildly, he just plowed into a shocked noble-pony.

I told you homeboy ( can't touch this)
Yeah, that's how we living and you know (can't touch this)
Look at my eyes, man (You can't touch this)
Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics (can't touch this)
Fresh new kicks, advance
You gotta like that, now you know you wanna dance
So move, outta your seat
And get a fly girl and catch this beat
While it's rolling, hold on
Pump a little bit and let 'em know it's going on
Like that, like that
Cold on a mission so fall them back
Let 'em know, that you're too much
And this is a beat, uh, you can't touch
Yo, I told you (can't touch this)
Why you standing there, man? (can't touch this)
Yo, sound the bell, school is in, sucka (can't touch this)
Give me a song, or rhythm
Make 'em sweat, that's what I'm giving 'em
Now, they know
You talking about the Hammer you talking about a show
That's hype, and tight
Singers are sweating so pass them a wipe
Or a tape, to learn
What's it gonna take in the 90's to burn
The charts? Legit
Either work hard or you might as well quit
That's word because you know...
Can't touch this
Can't touch this
Break it down!

I grabbed one of the nobles, none other than Fleur De Lis, and began wildly dancing with her. I was delighted as her screams of terror shifted to screams of joy before spinning her back into a shocked Fancypant's hooves.

Stop, Hammer time!

I stopped in front of a guard and brandished my guitar menacingly, before moonwalking towards the throne room inch by inch.

Go with the funk, it is said
That if you can't groove to this then you probably are dead
So wave your hands in the air
Bust a few moves, run your fingers through your hair
This is it, for a winner
Dance to this and you're gonna get thinner
Move, slide your rump
Just for a minute let's all do the bump, bump, bump
Yeah... (can't touch this)
Look, man (can't touch this)
You better get hype, boy, because you know (can't touch this)
Ring the bell, school's back in (can't touch this)
Break it down!

I grabbed another noble mare and danced with her, but I was rapidly joined by several others, including Fleur. Having a squad of back-up dancers, I grinned. I enjoyed this shit WAY too much!

Stop, Hammer time!

I swung my guitar out again and played a quick riff, sliding on my knees beneath a charging guard, much to the amusement of my 'employer'.

Can't touch this
Can't touch this
Can't touch this
Break it down!

Yet again, I danced with the ladies, a few stallions joining the line. In just one song, at least half of the stuck-up nobles have had the sticks in their flanks get yanked out. And it is GLORIOUS!

Stop, Hammer time!
Every time you see me
The Hammer's just so hype
I'm dope on the floor and I'm magic on the mic
Now why would I ever stop doing this?
With others making records that just don't hit
I've toured around the world, from London to the Bay
It's "Hammer, go Hammer, MC Hammer, yo Hammer"
And the rest can go and play
Can't touch this
Can't touch this
Can't touch this
Can't touch this
Can't touch this
Can't touch this
Can't touch this

As I moonwalked towards the door, I bucked it open with one hoof and continued in, followed by the Princess and my travel companions, along with some of the gutsier nobles wondering why in the world their princess allowed a changeling into the palace at all, let alone so brazenly.

And, as expected, I learned fast why Celestia was so worried.

There, sitting on the Lunar Throne, was the other diarch.

The ever adorable Second-Best Pony, Princess Luna.

Was playing a game.

Battleship, surprisingly enough.

With a black, corpse-like, yet disturbingly sexy pony.

Did I really just think that?

Queen Chrysalis.

THE Queen Chrysalis...was playing battleship....with Princess Luna.

"Words cannot contain the awesomeness of what I see before me...." I had hoped those were my thoughts...but no, I had spoken them.

Everyone heard me.

Luna and Chrysalis glared at the interruption, but everyone else giggled and snickered.
I looked around as all of the lovely, luscious mares stood before me, some scowling, some grinning, all of them DAMN SEXY....

Dammit brain, stop that! You are NOT supposed to be on a hormonal rush like this at 82!

"You guys wanna join me in a song?" I asked the stallions in the room. Most of them shrugged, if they acknowledged me at all.

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get with you
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got makes me so horny
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupie
I've seen them dancin'
To hell with romancin'
She's sweat, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much flank
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got flank!
(LA face with Oakland booty)
Baby got flank!
I like 'em round, and big
And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
'Cause silicone parts are made for toys

I pulled an utterly massive dildo out of seemingly nowhere and show it to Twilight, whom immediately grabs it and tries to hide it....suuuspiiiiciouuuuusss!

Or, you know, maybe I was trying to keep you from being completely and utterly ridiculous and uncouth in front of a bunch of nobles. There was a line and you ignored it. Not that it mattered I suppose, but still.

That’s not the explanation that Celly and the girls gave for it

DAMMIT!

Language, missy!

I want 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Knock-kneeded bimbos walkin' like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
A word to the thick soul sisters, I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *moan*
Till the break of dawn
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of simps won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So, ladies! {Yeah!} Ladies! {Yeah}
If you wanna roll in my Mercedes {Yeah!}
Then turn around! Stick it out!
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got flank!
Baby got flank!
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin'
to do with my selection. 36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3".
So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the flank of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you've got buns, hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups,
But please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role
And tell you that the butt ain't gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:
You ain't it, Miss Thing!
Give me a sister, I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
'Cause his girls are on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And I pull up quick to get wit 'em
So ladies, if the butt is round,
And you want a triple X throw down,
Dial 1-900-CANTERLOT
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got flank!
(Little in the middle but she got much flank)
(Little in the middle but she got much flank)
(Little in the middle but she got much flank)
(Little in the middle but she got much flank)

I slapped hooves with the stallions that joined in. I was rather pleased that, rather than being angry, most of the mares were either blushing, or laughing like mad. Apparently, the gag with Twilight made it clear that having a big flank was a GOOD thing in my books. Although, the glare Chrysalis was giving me made it quite clear that her royal bugginess was NOT amused at my 'compliments to her physique'.

Oh dear.

FNTK Reborn Chapter 8: Living on a prayer

Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever

Chapter 7: Living On a Prayer

"Captain Griffin." Celestia began, nodding her head in as low a bow as she dared, "I thank you for your timely arrival. I'm also glad you requested an invitation, instead of simply crashing the party... I'd also like to introduce you to my new friend, Knightmare."

I twitched. Celestia called me her friend. "This is the best day of my life!"

"....A changeling fanboy?"

"...Maybe a little bit. But mostly, Princess Celestia just called me her friend!"

“I almost forgot that you're one of..... us. And Celestia's your favorite? Really? I can't imagine why...." He put on his best trollface, which Celestia snickered at. Really? How close are these two that he can get away with openly insulting her and she laughs at it..... I am moderately jealous.

Celestia and I stared at the pirate captain, each arching a brow slightly.

"Oooookaaaaaaaay then." Griffin grumbled, "So, Celly, what have you got planned? Some kind of epic prank? Planning session? A badass mission that you want me and this kid to do?"

"KID!? I'm eighty-two, ya dork!" I groused, feeling a bit mocked....

"...You're way older than me yet ten times the dork....why am I not surprised?" ...Oh, I get it. Teenager. Oi. Probably one of those pissy, easily-angered, 'Fuck the world' types. It'd explain why he became a friggin' PIRATE in Equestria of all places....

"One learns fast to never be 'surprised' when it comes to Knightmare." Celestia said with a grin. And then....BLAMMO!

"SISTER! WE HAVE PROCURED A DELICIOUS CAKE FROM MISS PINKAMENA DIANE PIE! SHE HAS REQUESTED GIFTING IT TO SIR GRIFFIN AND HIS CREW!" Thus bellowed Second-Best Pony, AKA Princess Luna. And there she arrived, with a cake towering nearly fifty feet with sugar-lace filigree, fancy decorations of fondant, and more delicious icing than you can imagine. What was striking, however, was the distinct LACK of pink! Rather, the trim-icing was bloody red, almost like ACTUAL blood! And the primary color was blacker than pitch black at midnight on the dark side of the moon under a black tarp!

"BLOODY HELL THAT'S THE MOST FUCKING METAL CAKE I'VE EVER LAID EYES ON!" No, seriously, this cake would make Dethklok cry from not being metal enough to be in the same room! Realistic-looking swords and knives made of fondant, with blades honed to a razor edge, molten sugar chains coated with silver dust to make them look like real steel, clockwork gears and buzz saw blades, all arranged artistically and tastefully to be as BADASS as possible!

"It's gotta be special dark." I say. "I swear, that's the only flavor badass enough for a cake like this."

"That...is a damn good cake." Griffin says, raising an eyebrow at the sight of the badass confectionary. Almost as if it was, by some miracle, not badass enough for him....

Good grief.

"Well?" Luna asked, "Aren't you gonna have some?"

"Guh. No thanks, Loony." Griffin said, holding a claw to his mouth, "I've, honestly, had more cake in the past few days than I've ever eaten in my entire life back before getting dragged here."

"Wow, I didn't think it was possible to get burned out on cake!" Celestia whispered, genuinely shocked at him NOT wanting cake. "Can I have your half?"

"Yeah, sure..." I watched the Princess squeal with glee before slicing off a rather LARGE piece with her magic....Wow, that was weird.

"So..." I opted to strike up a conversation with the apparently-human-turned-griffin-pirate, "You're the mysterious 'Griffin the griffin', huh? I guess that makes me 'Knightmare the Changeling'. Pleased to meet you!" I held out a holey-hoof to shake, which he responded to in kind. Nice guy.

"So, you named yourself after an Equestrian villain, with a K in front? Not only is it unoriginal, but it's gonna get REALLY confusing. What's more, you missed a fantastic opportunity."

"Wat." I was genuinely confused as to what he meant by that.

"You should have called yourself Chuck Testa. Just, think about it for a second."

I sat and thought, and then I realized exactly what he meant. I'm a changeling. That means I could be walking down the street, disguised as, let's say, Pinkie Pie. Someone walked up and greets me, I drop my disguise and say, 'Nope, just Chuck Testa.' It would never get old!

“Technically...” Celestia said, “I’m...the one who picked his name...”

"Oh you sunuva-" I was cut off by my own face-palming. Fun fact, hooves are HARD! Changeling hooves are Hard and SHARP! I accidentally facepalmed with enough force to give myself a concussion and began bleeding on the landing pad. Everyone began laughing...until they saw the pooling blood. At which point it began dying down.

"Did he really just...knock himself out?" Griffin asked.

".....If he's seriously injured, I'm blaming you." Celestia said, still munching on her cake. She hoisted my unconscious body with her magic and carted me off to the medical ward, leaving Griffin and Luna alone with a VERY big cake... Thankfully, I was out cold, otherwise I'd have seen the giant spider I later learned she was planning to scare Griffin with.... I wonder how that worked out?

OK, let's re-cap what just happened.

I facehoofed.

Hard enough to make me fall unconscious and bleed rather badly.

HOW MUCH OF A PUSSY AM I!?

OK, I expected SOMETHING embarrassing to happen. I didn't expect it to be self-hospitalization! For fuck's sake, Fate! Why do you have to be such a BITCH to me!?

All things considered? ....heh...

....shut up.

Ugh, anyway, I woke up several hours later, it was about noon-ish. I recall the smell. Sterile. Yes, that's a VERY unique smell. A hospital, or more likely the castle's in-house medical ward... I heard voices, muffled by the door. I looked around at the pearl-white room and groan. It was entirely empty save for a few standard medical equipment and a table by my bed. Upon the table was a full glass of water in an adult-sized sippy-cup. Likely so I could drink while laying without spilling it. My guitar was leaning against it, within hoof's reach. I felt around my head to find a small bandage covering my self-inflicted wound. Thank goodness for small miracles, eh?

Ugh. The door opened. I reached for the glass and grabbed it, using one of the holes in my hoof to hook around the capped mug's handle and pull it close. I took a nice big swig as who should enter beyond my beloved princess, Celestia, followed by my unwanted queen, Chrysalis.

"What's she doing here?" I blurted out, too tired and angry to bother thinking.

"She was just leaving." They both responded...simultaneously.... Celestia offered a trollish grin, while Chrysalis growled.

"Princess...any hopes I can figure out what's going on? Facts only, please..."

"I’ll handle this.” Chrysalis growled.

“I’m sending in Twilight as well, just in case...” Celestia stepped out, leaving the black ‘beauty’ alone with me for a brief few seconds. Had I been paying attention, I’d have noticed the apologetic look on her face before everyone’s favorite purple badass walked in. Followed quickly by his mistress, Twilight Sparkle.

Wait, who were you referring too?

Twi, if I have to explain the joke, there IS no joke.

As young Spike left with a bow, Twi and Chrysalis took their seats to my left and right respectively.

"Hiya, Twilight." I said, as cordially as possible, purposely not speaking to Chrysalis.. It came off as..well...emotionless. Because I don't express my anger well if I'm not screaming.

"Uh, hi." She gave her piss-poor pokerface and trotted up to me. "So..you wanted to talk with me?"

"Kindasorta." I sighed, "I've got some questions, and I know you've got some too. How's about we trade? Info or info?" That perked her up rather fast. "You ask first, ma'am."

"OK!" She produced parchment and a quill out of seemingly nowhere... Damn magic. "So, first off. What's life like in your world?"

"Boring, painful, dull, and aggravating." I grumbled at her pout and went into deeper detail. "Look at it like this. My world? Total opposite of Equestria. Here, there seems to be an undercurrent of racism beneath many layers of friggin' paradise. My world? Hate, rage, spite, and anger are the NORM. Trust is hard to find and fragile when located, and most people only care for themselves or immediate family. Some don't even care about family, and others still don't give a shit about themselves, either. While things like 'joy' and 'happiness' exist, they're hard to come by."

"I...see." She looked sad for a moment, before jotting things down on her parchment. "And your question?"

"You got any clues why Chrysalis is so fixated on me?" I looked to the changeling queen, catching a glimpse of sympathy from her before she regained her steely glare.

"I have some theories, but they require getting...'touchy feely', if you know what I mean. The most likely is instinct. She's queen and, technically, mother to all Changelings. So seeing one that's not part of her family probably sets off a lot of warning bells. Now then, with you, what was your own life like before being brought to Equestria?"

“I’ve only been regaining memories in bits and pieces. From what I’ve gathered together, before I was five, I lived a pretty good, happy life. Then, suddenly, I’m orphaned, fending for myself, and slogging through warzone after warzone for revenge over something I don’t even know WHY I wanted revenge over....Then, I got stuck with these assholes known as the ‘SCP foundation’, and have to track down freaky shit so the civilians have something resembling a normal life.

“I...see.” She looks sombre as she jots more notes down. “Your turn.”

"Will do. Now then, I've come to realize that Celestia's 'mission' for me is a tad more daunting than I'd expected. Where would you suggest I learn how to properly fight?"

"Honestly? I'd suggest asking my brother, Shining Armor." I raised a brow. I knew who she meant but I wanted to hear the facts. "He's the Captain of the Unicorn Guard, and one of the best defensive mages around. He, earth-pony-captain Harbinger, and pegasus-captain Barricade are the best fighters in Equestria and all three could be a big help in teaching you how to fight. Though you'd need to find a changeling to teach you more about unique changeling skills. I know one in Ponyville, but let's wait until after the Gala for that."

"Informative as always." I smiled sincerely. The 'Changeling in Ponyville' could be anypony for all I know. Maaaybe, that’s why there were voices in my head.... I've read a lot of fanfics. It could be Ditto the wingless changeling, Mirror Match, AKA 'Doomie', Morpheus Bloom the Changeling Commander, or maybe even, heh, Bon Bon. "Now then, my next question..... What, EXACTLY did you mean by 'Touchy Feely'?"

OK, NOW she's getting nervous. "W-well... From my studies, there's apparently three types of 'Male' changelings. Commanders serve as the brains behind lesser attack squadrons. They normally have armor over their bodies and can issue orders through the Hive Mind to anyone except Queen Chrysalis. The others are 'Behemoths', big, beastly things that basically maul anything not a changeling. Several of them almost killed Luna during the invasion a few months ago."

"I'm sensing an 'And' there...."

"Yeah... the last kind, and from what I've seen, most likely?" She whispered something. Even with my new hearing, it was hard to pick up, almost just a breath...

"Mind repeating that?"

"B-...breeders." You hear that? That sound of a record needle scratch followed by a loud crash? That's the sound of my brain coming to a painfully sudden stop.

"....please tell me that doesn't mean what I think it means...."

"I'd have to take some measurements but...if you are a breeder, then had you been born a changeling....you'd never leave the hive...heck, you'd be lucky to leave the nesting chambers."

What Twilight's getting at is that I'd have been Chrysalis' personal fuck-toy from birth to death.... I hate being blunt but facts is facts. With that, she pulled out some measuring tape... I already know what she's gonna ask. "M-may I?"

"Sure....mind if I play?" She looked at me like I'm a pervert...well, I guess now I know why I'm so openly sexual now. But I grabbed my guitar and she realized just what, exactly, I was referring too.

I was about to begin, when Twilight used her magic to pull me to full mast.

No, she's not doing anything that perverse, she's literally GRABBING MY PENILE BONE, which I just discovered the hard way that changelings have, and PULLING my entire manhood from it's sheath! It hurts like FUCK!

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-STOP STOP STOP DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THAT HURTS!?"

...sorry.

Why’re you apologizing now?

Because that was....extremely rude, and disturbing of me to do. I really didn’t have any right to act that way.

Twi. Trust me. There are FAR worse ways to handle that situation....

Still..

Stahp! Lets just...drop it, and continue the song.

"Um...oopsie..." She blushed and admired her handy-work, my 'royal scepter' standing as tall as it was gonna get with my skin still attached. I tried my damnedest to ignore the measuring tape snaking across my ENTIRE EVERYTHING down there and tried to play a song all too fitting my current mood. Yeah, I'm currently getting fondled by Twilight Sparkle and I'm friggin' depressed....

Finally, I began playing an all too familiar riff.

I always listen to this song when I feel down. It reminds me that things can be worse, and that there's always hope. The song constantly built up, stronger and stronger, and with it, my hopes rose. I failed to realize when Twilight finished her measurements and actually listened to my song, humming along to it with Chrysalis. I wasn’t even paying attention to anything, just enthralled in the music. I hadn't realized until later, but Celestia and Griffin were just outside.

"Dude's a puss, but he's got some good pipes." Griffin quipped, passing by with Trixie on his back.

"He's got a point, you know." Celestia said, grinning at the pirate king, the grin spreading wider as the griffin warrior walked off.

My song died off in time, and I was fully relaxed. I smiled at Twi and raise a hoof.

"I know you've got the answer."

"Breeders kind of can't fight."

"As I was saying. ....I don't care what I am. I was born a human, and By Celestia's flaming mane, I'm gonna do this the human way!" I hopped up and landed on all fours...no, this is gonna change! I pushed myself up and begin concentrating. This isn't an instinctive change, I'm gonna force it how I want it. My rear hooves shifted into a form resembling stylish boots. Fake, of course, but who cares? My fore-hooves shifted into claw-tipped, human-like hands. My shoulders and hips changed, allowing for a more human-like stature. My outer shell altered, taking the appearance of clothing. I took a few notes from Michael Jackson, incorporating his infamous 'Thriller' jacket, in black and grey tones, and the spikes and chains-covered outfit from 'Bad'. You know what? Fuck originality! I know what I like and by DAMN I'M GONNA USE IT!

I spun on my heels, it felt just RIGHT being in a more human-like body. "So, how do I look?" I asked. Twilight's staring...at my crotch. I looked down and realized that I forgot to hide my family jewels. A quick flash of green flame and they're replaced by semi-tight leather pants.

"Yeah...you definitely look good....huh...um...." She blushed, "So...how does it feel, walking like that?"

"For someone born and raised human? It feels...natural." I buzzed my wings, gaining slight lift, and grabbed my guitar. "Well, wish me luck, Twilight. I'm gonna go meet your brother...." I bid the young mare a fond farewell and step outside, walking past the two royal ponies and headed straight towards the parade grounds.

"Hey!" Twi shouted, "Knightmare! That's the wrong way!" ....I promptly did a 180 and THEN marched in a manly fashion towards the parade grounds.

"Thanks, Twi." I couldn't help but grin at Chrysalis' face upon realizing that I'm a breeder....She got beat by one of her sex toys.... I'm sorry, but that's just funny to me.

Author's Note

Due to Tethhrion's recent injury, it's likely that progress will be slowed. I ask that those of you who are impatient remain calm and send out a prayer or two for his sake.

FNTK Reborn Chapter 9: Obligatory Mulan Reference

Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever

Chapter 9: Obligatory Mulan Reference

There's one thing I've learned to expect after living in Equestria.

Things aren't QUITE the same in the show as the reality of it.

In the show, Shining Armor was a comical, slightly ditzy, but undeniably powerful unicorn with a cute 'surfer boy' accent....

The surfer boy accent was real.....

The scary as fuck unicorn it was coming out of, however, is NOT the Shining Armor from the cartoon.

It's the real deal, and he was looking at me like a US Marine looks down at an ex-terrorist...

Like he's trying to decide just which of his who-knows-how-many ways to kill me with his bare hooves he wants to use.

He's not dinky, short, or goofy. Silly accent aside, this guy looked downright PISSED that I was even alive, let alone nearby.

What's worse...

I had the VERY distinct feeling I was being watched....and it sure as fuck wasn't Celestia.

"S-so." I began, shivering lightly under Captain Shining Armor's glare, "Um....any hopes you could...t-teach me how to fight?"

He just kept staring, sending off WAVES of pure, unbridled, undeniable loathing directed right at me....I was seriously feeling sick to my stomach. He kept on staring, and staring, and staring, and-

"Can you please stop staring, it's kinda creepy."

"That depends." He said, "WHY are you here?"

I took in a big gulp and steeled my resolve before answering...pinkie pie style.

"Princess Celestia dragged me from my home world and turned me into a changeling so I can spy on the other humans dragged to Equestria and now I realized I'm a breeder which means I'm only good for sex but I'm gonna need to fight and Chrysalis wants to kill me and everyone seems to hate me and I'm honestly only here so I can learn how to defend myself because I DON'T WANNA DI-HI-HI-HIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!"

I'll admit...not my manliest moment... But it got Armor's expression to change....

From a menacing glare to an equally frightening grin.

"Alright then. We'll give you a nice, fast crash course in combat. You live, you pass..."

"Wait...we?" I was fucked.

I knew I was, because the BESHEMOTH of a pegasus that tried to squish me back in Ponyville landed with a deafening thud, the shock-wave knocking me off of my feet and disrupting my form, turning me back into a normal-ish changeling. She stood there wearing a much MUCH heavier, and sharper-looking version of the gold Royal Guard armor, her stark pink hair and canary yellow fur reminded me of Fluttershy. But I swear to you she looked like a god-damned TANK! A FLYING TANK!

But just when I thought it couldn't get worse, ANOTHER pony, this one a dark grey Earth Pony, JUMPED off of the highest tower of the castle, and came crashing down with enough force to leave a CRATER! A TEN FOOT DEEP CRATER! And the fucker just WALKS the ever-loving fuck out of it like it was nothing! Unlike the buff beauty of a pegasus or Shining armor's comparatively lanky build, this guy could put Roid Rage to shame in terms of sheer BULK! EASILY as tall as Celestia, he walked not on legs, but on trees! I thought that that pegasus was a tank, then this fuck must be a god-damned BATTLESHIP in pony form! His armor was much sleeker than either the pegasus, or Shining Armor, but it's deep forest green and high-water grey colors definitely brought to mind some kind of tank/battleship hybrid. And then he decides to smile at me.

I wish he hadn't....

Unlike NORMAL ponies...this guy is either part dragon, or FILES SHARP his teeth! As in they look razor sharp and pointy! WHY!? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT OTHER THAN TO LOOK FUCKING SCARY!?

"Changeling Knightmare."Armor began, "You already know that I am Captain Shining Armor. But while I'm CONSIDERED Captain of the Royal Guard, in truth, I only command the Unicorns. These are my friends, companions, and peers."

He points dramatically to the pegasus, "This is Captain Barricade 'The Golden Bulldozer' Shy." ....FUCK, SHE'S FLUTTERSHY'S MOTHER!?

He then points to the Earth Pony, "And this is Captain Harbinger 'The Swift Lightning' Doom." Harbinger Doom.....well there's a super-villain name if I ever heard one!

"Then...what's YOUR title?" I asked, feeling rather stupid...

"Simple, I am Captain Shining Armor, The Unbreakable Shield." Thank you Captain Obvious!

"Now then!" Armor began, "Lets get down to business!

You gotta be shitting me! I am in SO much trouble!

I ducked to the dusty ground, barely dodging a 'barrier ram' from Armor, the thrown shield smacking into a wooden post with enough force to shatter it.

Harbinger reared up and stomped down with enough force to send nearly a dozen such poles uprooting themselves and falling, all aimed right at me!

I tried to fly, but my screwball wings were too erratic and I BARELY dodged Barricade trying to slam into me. The force of her flight sent me reeling past several rookie guards watching the mayhem. HOW I wasn’t dead yet, I still don't fully comprehend. I shifted back to my preferred form and high tailed it out of there, bolting for the more densely packed area of the parade grounds.

As I zipped past various confused guards, followed closely by their captains, I spotted a series of tall poles, like the ones I’d earlier. Stuck in the top of the tallest was an arrow. My mind careened back to when I watched 'Mulan' and I hoped and prayed that cartoon logic would mean I'd 'pass' if I could grab that arrow....

I charged up to the pole and swung my guitar, the razor sharp edge biting into the wood. Using it as a balance, I began running alongside the pole, the angle of my instrument’s blade pushing me up, allowing me to, literally, run up the side of the pole.

Down below, Barricade took to the skies and began dive-bombing me, attempting to knock me off of the pillar.

Shining Armor created sharp claws of magic and began climbing straight up after me.

And Harbinger....leaped from the ground, to a shorter pole, landing atop it. He used his velocity to launch himself up to ANOTHER pole, literally hopping from pole to pole, getting higher and closer to the tallest pole with each death-defying leap.

FUCK!

No one told me that gigantic BRUTE could do Le Parkour! The fucker's a freerunner! HOW!? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!?

Fuck it, my brain is so fried at this point all I cared about was NOT DIEING! Which was beginning to look less and less likely as I scrambled my way up the pole.

EVENTUALLY, I reached the top.... It was over ten stories high. I spotted the arrow sticking just on the edge of the pole, and grabbed it.

JUUUUUST in time for Barricade, Armor, and Harbinger to PLOW right into me.

We fell, a ten story drop RIGHT to the ground. The landing could be heard clear into the throne room!

In the Royal Throne Room

Aoi heard a loud thud come from outside.

"What was that noise?" Celestia answered seamlessly.

"Oh, that's probably Knightmare training."

"Who's Knightmare?"

"My friend... he's helping me with something." Her mood turned to an indifferent state. She waved the matter away. Aoi sighed, wondering what could possibly be going on.

"Anyway, thanks for letting me talk with you, and thanks for the ticket."

Back at the parade grounds

"GROUND!" I screamed, "SWEET MERCIFUL SOLID-AS-FUCK GROUND!!!!" I slammed my body to the ground and began kissing sweet mother Gaia. I can honestly say I'd never been so scared in my life. As we hit the ground, my life flashed before my eyes. ...Fuck I was one boring-ass bastard.

As you can guess, I survived.

How, is still beyond me.

I stood to account for my surroundings. The arrow was stuck between the holes in my hooves, somehow. My guitar was stuck to my back, levitating an inch off of it, a spell perhaps? Surrounding me were none other than the Captains of the Royal Guard.

"Um...oops?" I didn't know what to think or to do at the moment. I felt a chill down my spine as Shining Armor smiled.

"Congratulations, Knightmare. You've completed the entrance exam. You're now part of the Equestrian Royal Guard."

I smiled happily, "I guess that means it's time for a training montage, huh?" At the curt nod from the elder trio of badasses, my smile managed to widen. THEN LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I'M MADE OF!"

The 'training montage' is roughly what you'd expect, save for with much more singing. After nearly three hours, it came to an end. I was sore, battered, bruised, but felt stronger than I had in years. I’d even met a weird wolf named Aoi during my training, who seemed like an alright guy - until he asked to join the training and KICKED MY ASS FROM HERE TO EARTH AND BACK! I don’t know what was up with that sword of his but I swear I could feel chitin coming off my body anytime it came within 6 inches of me. He even had the nerve to be all cool as he walked saying “You need more training” or some shit. Well DUH! That’s why I was THERE.

You think you’d have remembered Aoi’s words of wisdom...

I was tired, sore, and my brain was malfunctioning due to PAIN. I’m lucky I remembered my own damn name...

....point taken.

I shoved open the door to the parade grounds at a sluggish pace, feeling quite sore. A quick crack of my neck sends a couple of nobles running. Good, I'm not in the mood to be stared at after meeting that 'Aoi' character.

"Ah, Knightmare, there you are. I have been meaning to talk to you about someth- What happened to you?" I heard that angelic voice, filled with worry. My wounds seemed to ache less at the loving tone of Princess Celestia.....Great Guacamole, when did I get so sappy? That didn't stop me from letting out a light 'eep' in my shock.

"Uh, Princess!" I stuttered, feeling shocked. "Hi...Um, yeah. I trained with the guard, they're rougher than I thought. Met some wolf-dude named 'Aoi'...and he kinda kicked my ass. And he said I've got potential....I think that's a good thing." I was desperate to hide my wounds, especially the cut on my neck, lest she send me back to the infirmary.

"Training with the Guard when you should have been relaxing?" She made that 'tsk tsk tsk' sound (you know the kind, right?) when someone thinks you've been misbehaving...yeah. "Well, I hope they didn't treat you too harshly on the account of you being a changeling and all. Now, follow me, lets get you cleaned up. I'm not sure the how the nobles would react with you by my side in such a state." She smiled, but it fell into a frown, wrapping a wing around me. "And we have a rather sensitive subject to discuss..."

I gulped, feeling nervous. "What KIND of sensitive subject?" I spotted the Mane Six approaching. "....if it involves those gals, I'm assuming it's not something pleasant."

Celestia turned around, spotting the Mane Six as well. "The girls? Don't worry, it has little to do with them" The princess gave a gentle giggle. "Now, come this way. We have to talk in private. I can talk to Twilight and her friends later." Celestia began to walk toward the section of the main hall which has the more high-profile guest who are discussing important matters, with the aid of small booths with what seemed to be a unicorn in servant uniform standing beside each booth.

I took a quick look around, "Seems we've got reinforcements to prepare for the Gala." I spotted the three Captains roaming about, barking orders to their subordinates, "And some higher security..."

Princess Celestia walked onwards, seemingly not put off by the number of Guards in the slightest. She spotted a un-occupied booth, and made her way over to it, and sat herself down on the comfortable cushion inside. "Knightmare, please be seated." She nodded to the unicorn in standing by the booth. The unicorn's horn lit up for a second, and all of the background noise of the Gala vanished.

I breathe nervously. "So...a silencing spell....I'm guessing this is one of those 'This never happened' types of things? National security? It's a big risk, isn't it? Trusting me so soon?”

The princess nodded, her voice and countenance turning serious. "You are right on all accounts there. This is not just the security of my little ponies we are talking about here, but life as we know it. Do you understand?" Celestia asked, all of the previous playfulness in her voice gone.

I breathed deeply and let out a calming sigh. "Yes." I can, believe it or not, realise when it's a bad time to be silly, and this is a VERY bad time for silliness. "I understand fully, your majesty."

"Good. Has there ever been anything that you have encountered that needs to be locked away for the safety of others? To do your duty to Serve, Contain, and Protect all of those you love? "

I continued my slow breathing. "Yes.... Things too dangerous to comprehend.... You studied me, you know the answer all too well. That’s why you got someone from my location of work, isn’t it?"

"Then I have some important information regarding such..... items. Beneath this castle, lies the most secure complex in the entirety of the known world." Celestia paused "A facility simply known as 'The Black Vault'. I take it you understand the need for such security at events like these? "

I offered a slow nod. "So, even here...things like 'them' exist.... I'm assuming that Discord and Nightmare Moon's armor are among them?"

"Yes, they were. Up to now, Discord was the only Article in the vault to have escaped, and we now have to keep him imprisoned in the public eye, which is a nightmare for security. We would like no more articles to escape. Recently, we received some information that something may happen tonight , from our most successful operative, whom you have met."

I quirked my brow. Curious.... "And whom, praytell, may that be?" My mind went into hyperdrive, 'It would have to be someone Celestia trusts, someone reliable, someone dedicated. "Twilight?"

Celestia shook her head, "No, too obvious. It is somepony you would least expect "

I tap my chin, thinking calmly. "Rarity would be too obvious after hearing that, Applejack's too honest, she couldn't keep such a thing secret. Rainbow Dash is too headstrong, she'd be dead by dawn. Fluttershy, bless her soul, is too gentle for the danger. That leaves what would have been my second option." I smile and answer. "Pinkie Pie."

"Correct. "

I smile and snap my fingers, "Shoulda known. She shows traits of being a Spirit Medium. Makes dealing with such dangers much easier. It's a life or death situation for a magic-less mortal like me. But a spirit medium? Especially one of Pinkie's caliber? It'd be a walk in the park."

"Correct again. We were close to making her an Article herself when we discovered her abilities. But she wanted to help , and she did. The wheels of our society continue to turn thanks to Agents like her. I have a question to ask of you, Knightmare, if you wouldn't mind..."

I steep my fingers, like Gendo Ikari. "Ask away, my beloved princess."

"I am afraid to ask this of you, but it is why I went straight to your organization upon reaching your world. I was hoping you would be willing to act as an agent here in Equestria. I know our world may seem idyllic but, especially with the recent influx of transformed humans, I need an agent who can interact on their level and determine their threat to Equestria. Maybe I should ask first how your experiences with your planet’s organization went...." Celestia trailed off, waiting for me to answer.

I frown. "The organization back on Earth. In a world without magic, suddenly finding undeniably magical constructs is frightening. My organization dedicated to locating such things and keeping them locked away for study. Sometimes, with particularly dangerous or hostile items, they had to be 'decommissioned'." I spoke with a grave tone, making it clear just WHAT 'decommissioning' was... and with the morbid tone that not all of these 'items' were non-living... "I may not have magical powers, or super-weapons...but I've faced a fair few horrors in my life. Ones that getting your memory erased doesn't fully hide. All it hides is the details, you can never forget the sheer terror... Suffice to say, there is a lot I wish I had never encountered. I don’t even remember why exactly I joined in the first place. And a lot of what I do remember, i don’t have words to describe well. But, it’s different here and I will join you because I want to join you."

I watch my beloved Princess flinch. "I.. I should not have asked such a question. It obviously brings up many terrible memories. And for that, i am deeply sorry." I feel my wounds heal and my spirits lift, feeling her give me a gentle nuzzle on the cheek. "You know, I believe we should get back to the Gala. Some ponies are probably missing us by know. "

I return the nuzzle with a quick smooch, hugging her gently. "No worries. You called me here to help you with this 'game'. Whatever you need, just ask and I'll deliver to my utmost best."

"I know that you will." The hug continues on, I honestly don't want to let go, but I let my arms slack off as she lifts herself up. We give each other a curt nod and leave the booth.

I smile and tag along after the princess. Preparations are finally underway, with everypony getting involved. I even see Griffin in the distance, setting up for his concert. With a calm smile, I march along to find something to help with, eventually locating Pinkie Pie, of all ponies. "Greetings, Agent Pie." I say, just wondering what reaction I'd get.

I slap my face with my palm as the almost inevitable occurs, Pinkie leaping into the air and gasping for a full second and running off. "Oi, why was I expecting a 'normal' reaction from Pinkie Pie." I take a look at what she was doing, setting up streamers. I shrug and opt to continue her work for a bit.

That was actually fairly normal for her.

Celestia smiled at Pinkie’s antics. "I am afraid that we have to part ways for now Knightmare. Pinkie will make sure everything is fine." Celestia abruptly began to walk away, as if she is trying to get away from something.

There was a bright flash, and all of the guests in sight simply stopped moving around me. Some strange wall of fog arose, trapping me and the time-stopped ponies in this corner of the ballroom. I turn around to see a massive banner with 'Welcome to the Organisation!' on it. Standing underneath it, next to the party cannon and wearing a clockwork top-hat was none other than Pinkie Pie.

My eyes bulged out of my head from the shock, enough to paralyze me for a moment with pain. Yes, it actually worked like that. "Uh...wat."

" It's your welcome party silly! "Pinkie laughed, taking my confusion as response to her surprise party.

I looked around in shock, "YOU JUST STOPPED TIME!!!!! For a party? ....within a party?"

Pinkie pulled a pull spinner out of her hammer space, and spun it on the ground. It stopped spinning, and fell. She smiled at me. "Just checking" The pink madmare winked at me innocently.

I tried to calm down, my expression still contorted by the sheer 'whatthefuckery' of this situation. "So...I'm now part of the Equestrian version of the SCP Foundation?” I sighed, my decision finally hitting me. “You get out of it one place and it finds you in another....bah, I promised Celestia, and I refuse to break a promise to the mare of my dreams." I clamped a hand over my mouth almost instantly, realising just what I'd said a bit too late..... Seriously, when did I start hitting a second puberty?

"You love Celestia? AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" The pink psycho giggled at my misfortune.

I blushed for a moment and shrug. "So? I don't care what others think of me. I like being honest, especially with my feelings." I smiled. To this day I'm damn proud that I don't fear the opinions of others, but that doesn't change how embarrassing it is to announce you have romantic feelings for royalty, let alone royalty of an entirely different species, though I suppose that we’re certainly closer in genetics now. Ahhh, bad thoughts, shoo!

"Confidence is key! " Pinkie yelled , then looked around the enclosed space we're in. "You know who Griffin is right?"

I nodded, "Yeah. I met him when he docked. Hell, I sang 'Peanut Butter Jelly Time' with him...you'd have loved that song."

Pinkie laughed again. "Who do you think made that recipe, HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?" Pinkie then leaned in, putting her face awkwardly close to mine.

I stumbled backwards, landing on my ass, "Ohohoooookay! Any particular reason for that?"

"Just to make sure you wouldn't doubt me. Anyways, Griffin said some meanie things about you!” She made weird motions with her hands, her eyes turning pitch black for a brief second.

My eye twitched. "'Meanie Things'? ....What? You've been eavesdropping on him or something?"

" Oh Noooooooooo, just using my Pinkie Sense and what not. It's really handy for that stuff."

Involuntarily, I blinked. "Your pinkie sense? ....oh no, don't tell me you can READ MINDS, too!!!!"

'Dammit! don't think, Knightmare, don't think! If she can read minds YOU DO NOT WANT TO PICTURE THAT celestia******luna******withtwilightand***************trixie****HIPPOPOTAMUS**********celery******Inacastlefarfaraway FUCK I SAID DON'T THINK YOU FOOL!'

I thought of something else 'Knightmareascelestiamarchingalongcanterlotwhilesinging'Timestandstillattheironhill' FUCK!'

The pink menace grinned wider and wider with each weird thought that entered my mind.

I think of something else, ANYTHING ELSE! ANYTHING BUT THAT! 'TrixiwandtwilightdoingaduetofAmericanBadassinponyville' OH YOU SUNUVABITCH!

I give up with a sigh, letting my mind wander on it's own. "Shit, trying to not think is impossible right now....so...what did he say that was important enough to tell me?"

"Wehehehelll..." She began recounting Griffin's inner thoughts....

As a changeling, he looked a bit different than the ones I remember. He had four wings, arranged in an 'X' on his back, had a strange looking ax with guitar strings, and was a bit bigger than the drones. Okay, so he was armed, but the look in his eye said it all. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB! If he's ever been in a fight and won, then I play Halo against extremely high voiced adults who have all slept with my mother.

Mein gott? Great, he's german. Don't mention the war, don't mention the war, don't mention the war.

Doof? DOOF? I take it back, he's not a kid, he's a geezer. Seriously, he talks like he's eighty.

Sure pal, just drop the f-bomb in front of all these ponies at megaphone volume. I at least try to keep my language in check in front of the naives. I could see several mares putting hooves to each other's ears comically to blot out the innocence robbing sailor talk. I'm allowed to use it because I AM a fucking sailor. My ship is moored to the fifth tower!

Must. Resist. Urge. To. Crush. Skull. Whew. That was close, Celestia wouldn't be happy if I killed her number one fan.

'Wait, breeder? How does she know he's a....... measuring tape, he's lying on his back...... oh. OH! EEEWWWWW! Bad thoughts bad thoughts bad thoughts!

Oh, how I have quickly grown to HATE that bird-brain.

I twitched again, fumes leaking from my ears. "Seriously?" I growled, "He SERIOUSLY thinks I'm THAT depraved? ...What kind of warped worldview is he working from to assume that EVERYTHING is so sexual? Iit was Twilight's idea to measure the damn thing, not mine! FUCK! OK, I don't care if he's become some kind of national hero, that asshat needs to be put in his place!"

I stopped ranting, a cruel, sadistic grin spreading across my face. "Oh Pinkie!" I said, lacing my voice with a singsong tone, "Mind helping me with...a prank?"

"Why of COURSE!" She said, bouncing happily, "I'll always help a prankster in need!"

I grinned and motioned for Pinkie to come closer, whispering my plans into her ears, to ensure that, even in this dead silence, only SHE could hear it.

Pinkie began giggling, her giggles becoming more and more sadistic with every passing second until... Yesss! YYYEEEESSSSS! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

I let loose an evil chuckle of my own.... "Let's begin, shall we, my dear?"

Author's Note

Freshly edited and ready for reading

FNTK Reborn Chapter 10: The Gala Begins

Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever

Chapter 10: The Gala Begins!

The night arrived rather suddenly, almost a mad blur, getting everything set for the BEST Grand Galloping Gala ever. The party wasn't even officially starting, but already guests were arriving. Hell, Celestia even convinced Blueblood to be the greeter, freeing her up to FINALLY have some fun on the craziest GGG Ever. And what better way to kick off a GGG with humans than with a human song, eh? I know Pinkie agreed!

As the last song died down, what should I see save none other than a certain pretty pink party pony bouncing along, being trailed by...A BUGBEAR!? With a cyborg arm!? Fucking hell, EVERYONE is more badass than me! Five bucks and a one night stand with Celestia says he's another human, like Me, Griffin, and that Aoi dude.

Pinkie hopped up to me and whispered in my ear. I've not grinned this much in a LONG while...oh, she's good.

"Yo! Griffin!" I shouted, pulling Pinkie in a close hug with one arm. "Me and Pinkie are gonna do something 'special'!" I almost busted out right there at the look of disgust on his face. Someone's got a dirty mind! And I thought I was the pervert around here. I held Pinkie close, and whispered a few words in her ears. Spike and Celestia inched closer, both curious at what we were about to do.

Sorry pervs, it's not gonna be kinky...unless you're into this.

When it's time to party we will party hard!

Pinkie and I ROCKED THE FUCK OUT with enough force to send the uber-badass Griffin flying backwards!

You,

We began singing, me and Pinkie in near-perfect tandem

You work all night (all night)
And when you work you don't feel all right
And when,
When things stop feeling all right (all right)
And everything is all right

Me, Pinkie, Celestia, the bugbear, and Spike all stomped forward, leaping up on top of five different tables, going from left to right: The Bugbear, Pinkie, Me, Spike, and Celestia

'Cos we will never listen to your rules (no)
We happily flip off the nobles to our left
We will never do as others do (no)
Flip 'em off to the right
Know what we want and we get it from you
Point forward with both hands
Do what we like and we like what we do
FUCK YEAH, DANCE TIME!

So let's get a party going (let's get a party going)
Now it's time to party and we'll party hard (party hard)
Let's get a party going (let's get a party going)
When it's time to party we will always party hard
Party hard (party hard, party hard, party hard party hard, party hard, party hard party hard, party hard, party hard...)

We began bouncing on the balls of our feet [or tips of our hooves, for Celestia and Pinkie] while holding our left hands up and in front of us, and our right hands down behind us, forming the classic 'Rock On' hand sign, AKA 'The Horns', bouncing along the tables, stomping food and drink out of the way, often into the faces of nobles that are finally, FINALLY starting to loosen the fuck up. Bouncing down alternating between a pelvic thrust and headbanging, we're pretty much sending an already fractured GGG up into a mad uproar.

All right
You,
You fight that fight
And when you're fightin' you feel all right
But when,
When things stop feeling all right (all right)
And everything is all right

'Cos we will never listen to your rules (no)
We will never do as others do (no)
Know what we want and we get it from you
We do what we like and we like what we do

So let's get a party going (let's get a party going)
Now it's time to party and we'll party hard (party hard)
Let's get a party going (let's get a party going)
When it's time to party we will always party hard
Party hard (party hard, party hard, party hard party hard, party hard, party hard party hard, party hard, party hard party hard, party hard, party hard...)

The mad party continued in full mayhem until the song ended. I WAS going to end it by diving into a cake...but that got jacked up when Fleur, Lyra, and The-Changeling-Possibly-Known-as-BonBon (I still think she could be a changeling, so sue me) all plowed into me, stopping from splattering it over the duo.

As the crowd clapped for our little song, I looked at Griffin and nodded towards a quieter corner of the festivities. I smiled calmly as he follows along.

"Um, did you know Pinkie Pie can read minds on occasion?" I whispered into his ear, playing in JUST the level of smug certainty to make him think.

"Well, anything is possible with Pinkie, so I believe it. It would explain a lot but what does that have to do with...... No. Nononononono. She didn't. PLEASE TELL ME SHE DIDN'T!" He's begging, HAH! From unstoppable badass to begging a bug. I wanted a smug grin, but now I don't have to fake it. This is just TOO rich! I shook my head to calm down and sighed. I probably would be feeling pretty dumb now too. I certainly wouldn’t want Pinkie to tell anyone what she’d seen in MY thoughts.

"She only told me of some things that pertained to me.... You know, I'm not NEARLY as depraved as you seem to believe. If I was doing something sexual, I'd say it." Nice facepalm, dude.

"Great, just freaking perfect. Not even my thoughts are safe anymore. You know what? I give up. I can't win with you people. I think I'll just fly around and kill time before the concert." Ah geez, now i’ve gone and frustrated him. I followed along for a bit. I still wanted to talk to him.

"Sorry. Look, I’m just saying you shouldn’t go getting so judgemental. We just met and already you assume the worst. I mean, that’s not exactly the nicest thing in the world to do, even if you ARE a pirate.”

"S..s...spider." Wat.

"What was that? Gotta speak up." Please tell me he didn't say-

"Spider." OH YOU SUNUVA-! ...I looked past him to see what he saw, and right there was a HUGE AS FUCK Huntsman Spider dangling from a thread barely an inch from his face!

"OH SHIT! SPIDER!" For well over an hour after that one moment, the night was a blur. My mind locked back in on itself after, FINALLY, the adrenaline subsides, and I found myself in a slow dance with Celestia, the two of us cuddling nice and close. I was able to make vague recollections of Griffin chasing Luna, the spider becoming a molten puddle of plastic, that bugbear dude, 'Celt' I believe his name was, singing The Safety Dance, and a royal fuckton of other strange stuff. The Gala had barely begun and already ponies and humans are pairing up. Celt's dancing with Pinkie Pie, Aoi with Rainbow Dash, me and Celestia, Griffin and Gilda. The night was going beautifully....

"Best Dance Ever." The Princess and I said, blushing at the odd timing. I, ever the cheeky bastard, gave her a peck on the cheek. To which she responded in kind. We spotted the other humans and their 'dates' heading outside, with Griffin buying, literally, ALL of Applejack's stock! Over 3K in gold Bits! I moved to join, but was stopped by Chrysalis. She gave me that look. You know that look. The look your mom gives when you're about to fuck up horribly.

"Well, milady." I sighed, "Seems this is where we part ways."

"So it seems, my little Knightmare." She frowned, but nodded gracefully, "Come join us when she's done with you."

"I shall, milady. Be well and Blessed Be." I sighed, watching her trot off to join my fellow humans, then turned around to face Chrysalis. "Okay, what, pray-tell, is so important?"

She raised her brow and smirked, "You have empathy sickness." She stated, as if it's a matter of fact. I've read enough fanfiction to guess what 'Empathy Sickness' is.

"Where I come from that's called 'Having a conscience'."

"For us changelings, it's practically begging to get killed." She frowned, "Do you even know what you can eat?"

"Aside from love? I'm gonna experiment and see what's good and what's not." I turned around and walked away.

"Don't bother. Ninety-nine percent of food ponies can eat, would most likely kill you." OK, THAT stopped me.

"You-you gotta be shittin' me!" My jaw DROPPED straight to the floor, cracking one of the tiles. "I...I expected not being able to have bacon...but no APPLES!?"

"Not bananas, nor oranges, nor berries. Our bodies simply aren't BUILT for solid foods. Anything more resilient than yogurt wouldn't be digested at all, anything too sweet and you'll puke it back up. And don't bother with alcohol, anything stronger than what little bit got spiked into the punch would kill you. Even that would leave you drunk out of your mind." I dropped my ass to the floor, listening to Chrysalis explain, in excruciating detail, exactly what I can eat, how much, and what would happen with a majority of the foods available on the buffet and AJ's stand, most of which were unpleasant, and a few, such as with the hard apple cider, were downright fatal.

Eventually, she was done lecturing me, and I went to join our little troupe of insanity.

"....I can't eat anything..."

"Why?" asked Celt, "birdbrain bought it all, so it's free!"

"No, I mean I LITERALLY can't eat anything." I sighed. "Chrysalis says my body can't handle apples, I'd puke them up. And the cider would kill me."

"Damn, Knight! You can't even eat real food. That's too good. Finally gets to Equestria, and can't eat Sweet Apple Acres food. Sucks to be you!" I officially HATE Griffin the Griffin right now!

"YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE, GRIFFIN THE GRIFFIN! A COMPLETE AND UTTER ASSHOLE!" I roared, literally shaking the stained glass well over a hundred feet away. Full on Royal Canterlot Voice right there. I! AM! PISSED!

"Woah, sweetie!" Celestia admonished, her words slightly slurred, "Tone down the Canterlocks, okay?" ...did she just say 'Canterlocks'...?

I slowly turn my head and meet Celestia's derped gaze. After a growling sigh, I nodded. "As you wish, your majesty." I gave her a peck on the cheek, eliciting a giggle from the officially drunk-off-her-ass Princess before standing up and heading back inside, dragging my feet slightly. I heard her trotting after me, but make no response.

"How much HAVE to had to drink?" I asked, finally growing curious.

"Lord Fester and I have shared three cases of The Royal Pink." She counted using her pinions, "About eighteen bottles a piece." Great....that's the drink Pinkie made 'especially for the Princess'.

"Wait..'Lord Fester'?" Oh FUCK! Now I wanna find my guitar and play the Addams Family theme song.... That may lift my spirits. Where'd I put that thing, anyway? Wandering inside, I heard something about putting the drunk people in a ward. Turning back, I saw griffin and the other humans leading or being led towards a hallway. Celestia was with them too. Well, she probably DOES need her sleep. Phooey.

A loud crash interrupted me from my thoughts. Turning towards the source, I could see Chrysalis and Luna glaring at each other near the bar, a broken stein in between. What in the blazes is going on here?

“Just because we get have made a pact does mean I trust you yet Queen!” Did Luna maybe also have a little to drink? Her speech was a little slurred.

“Fine by me, Moony!” Chrysalis was obviously displeased about something. I wonder what.

“WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!” Time to step in.

“Ladies, let’s keep it down why don’t we? We can always go dance, right? Doesn’t that sound like a great time?” ….Smooth.

Luna didn’t seem to think so. “Hush! You are her brood! She is likely controlling you!” Definitely had something to drink. Not as much as Celestia though.

“As if I would control the likes of him! We’re simply all connected through a network!” ‘Likes of me?’

“I bet you are simply angry at the fact that he bested you in combat after our little battleship brawl!”

“How dare you! That was a fluke!” Oh, this is not going to end well...

“Ladies...?” They continued glaring, stepping closer to each other. Oh dear.

“No, that’s it isn’t it? You feel weak that one of your lowest subordinates got the best of you! He’s not even supposed to be able to fight!”

“Hey! I’m getting better...”

“Arrrgh, first battleship and now this. YOU’RE GOING DOWN!”

And Chrysalis launched herself at Luna, removing the already small distance between them in the blink of an eye. Luna may have been slightly drunk but she still had some wit about her and dodged the charge, spinning on her hooves. In her state, however, her sway knocked her into the bar. Chrysalis spun as well, standing on her hind hooves and jumping to deliver an aerial roundhouse kick. Luna had no time to react as the kick impacted her side, flipping her up and over the bar into some bottles.

Luna stood and with a single flap was airborne; Chrysalis followed behind shortly. They began trading blows with their front hooves.

Jab

Jab

Cross

Hook

Uppercut

Jab
Jab
Hook
Uppercut
Cross

JabHookCrossJabUppercutPalmHit

JABHITCROSSSPINFLIPHOOKUPPERCUTJABCROSSHOOK

It was like in those Dragonball Z fights where you can’t see their fists. AND I COULDN’T SEE THEIR HOOVES. It was ridiculous! How had I fought Chrysalis before? I should have been dead in seconds! The speed at which their hooves were moving was amazing!

Luna was slowly losing ground though, as their aerial battle carried them all around the room and back to the bar, where Luna got slammed on the heavy wood. The patrons of the Gala had been watching and were gasping and ‘ooo’-ing and ‘Ahh’-ing.

An audible crack and the bar was split in half. Both Luna and Chrysalis stood up and bounced back to opposite positions again, Luna a bit shakily, even more so now that she was hurt AND inebriated. She spat and steadied herself.

In a blink, Chrysalis sent 10 magic blasts her way and followed with a shielded charge. Luna sent a few of her own magic blasts and erected a wall beneath Chrysalis - who used it to flip twice and slam down on Luna HARD, shoulder first throwing dust everywhere. A groan came from the cloud as I thought I saw Luna stand and lean against the bar.

“Hah! I win!” Chrysalis was obviously very satisfied.

“Ugh...Fine, whatever. We’re still tied. I’ve had a little too much anyway.”

The cloud of smoke cleared and Luna, though she looked relatively unharmed, flew back to her perch in the balcony. Chrysalis followed her with a smug look on her face.

“....I just realized Chrysalis went easy on me....”

Damn, was that awesome! What was I doing? Hmmm...OH! Right! Guitar! Where is that thing?

Author's Note

I gotta admit, the biggest change was the added fight between Chrysalis and Luna...and oh my lord it was funny.

FNTK Reborn Chapter 11: Blitz in the Ballroom

Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever!

Chapter 11: Blitz in the Ballroom

"YOU'RE ALL GUNNA FUCKING BURN!" Why did I hear that? Turning around, I saw that Griffin and co. had returned from dropping off the drunks. Except the bugbear followed them back and was now waving his crossbow around. It seemed to have an fiery arrow cocked and ready. I stood there and watched him pull the trigger, only for Griffin to smack the bolt away like a fly, sending it crashing through the window and detonating. That, somehow, triggered ALL of the other fireworks outside.

"Shit..." I stifled a laugh at his sudden attempt to apologize, and watched the asshole-bird smack him with a distinctive 'Ping' and blast him outside. Probably for the better.

"And it looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!" I shouted, for the giggles. But still, I had a mission to complete, and I must find my gui-...-tar?

"Who the hell played that?" I asked, looking around. I saw Fleur de Lis point towards something. The stage. Why not? I turned and spotted Octavia, of all ponies, riffing out epically...on MY guitar! Wait, why's Vinyl trying to pull it away? Oh hell, they're gonna break it! ....why do I smell burned fur?

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Initiate 'PanicMode.EXE' y/n?

Y

PanicMode.EXE initiated

"OH FUCK!" I shouted, buzzing my wings to add some lift to my jumps. I leaped high over the crowd, straight from one end of the ballroom to the stage and grabbed my guitar, delicately moving the strings off of the lovely grey equine's hooves, only to get smacked in the face by her.

"Unhand me, you brute!" The grey mare growled, smacking me again.

"I will once I get your hoof untangled from my guitar, Miss Octavia!" I did my damnedest to be respectful, but it was hard when a lightning-wreathed hoof is thwacking me up upside the head.

"Let go! I can get it myself!" Defiant, angry, scared. She's scared of me, far more than anyone else. But fear breeds anger.... Oh lord, anger leads to HATE HATE HATE! So much HATE! I...I think I'm gonna be sick. Heh. Hate leads to suffering.

"No, you can't! The strings are made of lightning. You're just gonna burn yourself again." I sighed as she finally calmed down, though she still looked pretty panicked. I growled lightly at my guitar, tugging the first string off, granting the mare more room to move.

"There's one done, six to go." I looked up at her. "Sorry about this, ma'am."

Octavia snarled. "Sorry? What would YOU know about 'sorry'? I heard what you said earlier. 'Human'. Just like that vile beast."

I quirked an eyebrow at this unexpected comment. "Vile beast? You mean Griffin?" I shook my head, "I can agree on that much, he's an asshole."

She snorted derisively, "Not that buffoon, that OTHER winged beast, calls himself 'Zeta'. Blasted vermin."

"'Zeta?'" Who the fuck is 'Zeta'? " Never met a 'Zeta'. So far the only other humans I've spotted are Aoi, Griffin, and that bugbear."

"Do you honestly expect me to believe you hadn't heard of that MONSTER?" She was downright furious. Her eyes blazed with the heat of a thousand suns!...or something like that. One more string down.

"I've been in Equestria all of eight days. Seven of which were spent cleaning up Ponyville after Rainbow Dash and the Royal Guard tried to mutilate me. I'd be dead right now if it wasn't for Princess Celestia. So forgive me if I've only met three of what I'm assuming are many Equestrianized humans out there." I mean, the year in the dream world obviously doesn’t count.

"Poppycock!" Did she seriously just say that? I stopped for a brief moment, giving her my best ‘What the hell did you just say?’ look before she continued. "There's no way you've only been in Equestria for eight days and already have the Princess protecting you! WHY would she protect such a vile monstrosity?"

Poppycock is a perfectly good word!

Yes, but it’s EXTREMELY silly...I wasn’t expecting her to say it. Seriously, think about it for a second...

I don’t see what’s so-....oh...oh my....

I stopped and gave a quick tug on the fourth string, getting her attention fast. "Ever considered it's because she BROUGHT me here?"

"WHY would she BRING you here? We have enough trouble with that tone-deaf brute and the other monsters."

"No idea, all I know is that we humans don't look like this. We're all the same species. Though apparently humans can't survive in Equestria or something, so we've been given new bodies. Something to do with a certain asshole by the name of Discord. Ever heard of him?"

"SO THAT'S WHY YOU MONSTERS ARE HERE!" She was fuming; I swear I saw smoke coming out of her ears. "That freak must have brought your kind here, didn't he!?" I hope she doesn’t catch on fire like Twilight did in the one episode. Scary.

That was one time!

BULLSHIT!

"From what I've gathered over my few days here? He dragged one of us from another dimension." I quirked my brow at her sudden confusion. "Didn't realize that, did you? NONE of us truly chose to come here. Those that agreed didn't realize that it was all true, the promises to come to a paradise. But what I've learned so far? This 'paradise' isn't all it' cracked up to be." I glared at her, pulling away the sixth string.

"....How bad is 'your world' that this place would seem a paradise in comparison?" She was still unconvinced, but I could practically SMELL the concern in her voice....

"....War." One word. One tiny little word and I could almost HEAR the record needle scratch. I tugged off the last string, letting my hand go slack.

....I’ve seen your world, and know you’re not lying. But still, that just sends chills down my spine.

That was kinda the point...Before The Game, you all had something beautiful, but never took care of it.

And now we do...Amazing what going through hell and back will do to a planet’s worth of people.

"War?" She seemed shocked.... OK, that was a bad pun. "How recent?" She, and the other nobles, were NOT gonna like the answer. I could FEEL them breathing down my neck, horror, fear, and even a little pity washing off of them, directed not just at me, but the other humans in the room. Blech. Who knew emotions had flavor?

"Daily." She and several of the eavesdroppers became deathly silent. "For the past five hundred years, there hasn't been a single day without war occurring somewhere. Even if things aren't perfect here...at least there's no worry that you'll be press-ganged into fighting against someone you've never even heard of, all for resources and money thinly veiled as 'the right thing to do'." I'm gonna admit this right now. I HATE war and all of its aspects. I don't mind action, or horror, but when it's all pointless? ...If it's REAL acts of heroism, I can get behind it. But war for fun and profit just makes me SICK!

Apparently, it made other ponies sick, as several ran off towards buckets, barrels, and waste-bins to begin retching, with Lyra comforting a certain cream-colored, candy-maned earth pony, having realized it quickly...

"If you face such a horror on a daily basis...then why?" I may or may not like where she was going with this. "Why do you like such...brutish noise?"

"You mean 'Metal'?"

"That's what you call it?"

"Yep. It's actually, believe it or not, much more closely related to full orchestra Classical than, say, dubstep."

"Ugh. At least THAT can be recognized as music."

"Really? Last I checked ANYTHING could be music to the right ears."

"Well I STILL don't see how that NOISE could be related to MY art!"

"Maybe you haven't given it a chance?"

"What's THAT supposed to mean!?"

"Well, you came here knowing griffin would be here, and hating his 'style' of music simply because it's not Classical. So, I've seen you doing your best to pretend there's no such sound going about. Yet here you are, getting your hoofsies tangled in my guitar's strings."

"Alright then!" She challenged, shoving my guitar into my face. "Show me! PROVE to me that that racket is genuine music!"

"Very well." I handed it back to her and stood behind her, making the mare nervous. "Now, just hold it like this. We'll start slow. Follow my hands with your hooves." She mimicked the action, her nervousness growing. Vinyl was standing nearby, glowering at me like a rowdy boyfriend making sure his lady isn't offended or harmed. I responded with a grin.

"You see, with metal...it's not about complicated notes. It's all about EMOTION! Because, you see....

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWskjTGGGn4]We live for the magic in the sound!
Distorted guitars are breaking ground!
The drum pounding faster than my heart!
The vocals are screaming extreme art!
The passion for metal drives us forth, the best heavy metal comes from north!
The powerful tunes, spectacular shows, the audience screams in ecstasy!

Metal!”

”Metal?”

”Back with a vengeance!
Metal!”

”Metal??”

”All that I need is heavy metal!”

”Seriously? Metal?”

”Screaming together!
Metal!”

”Metal...”

”Metal is all that I need!!
While hell bends for leather we stand strong, a rocker can party all night long
The school couldn't teach us rock'n'roll, the school couldn't help us reach our goal
We live for the magic in the sound, distorted guitars are breaking ground
The powerful tunes, spectacular shows, the audience screams in ecstasy
Metal!”

”Metal.”

”Back with a vengeance!
Metal!”

”Metal!”

”All that I need is heavy metal!”

”Metal!!”

”Screaming together!
Metal!”

”Metal!!!”

”Metal is all that I need!”

As I concluded that phase of the song, Octavia downright PERFECTLY opened both barrels with an EPIC guitar solo! She learns FAST! Once it petered out, we both joined in singing, with EVERYONE roaring out the chorus!

”Metal,
Metal!
Back with a vengeance
Metal,
Metal!
All that I need is heavy metal
Metal
Screaming together
Metal,metal
Metal is all that I need!”

As the music stopped and we headed off the stage, I faced her and flashed her a cocky grin. "Admit it, THAT was fun!"

Octavia smiled, panting a bit from how hard she had to play that AWESOME guitar solo. "I will only admit that it wasn't as horrible as I'd feared..." she said.

"Octy, you are one stubborn mare," Vinyl teased. Me and her shared a quick laugh at the blushing musician, one that was quickly silenced when she smacked me with the flat of my own axe, knocking me off of the stage before leaving in a huff.

"Well done Knightmare," Aoi told me. "You've managed to make a little bit of peace...."

I pulled myself back to the stage shakily. "...Ow...." A few hushed snickers. Mostly from the far back, where a certain felinoid avian was watching. "I...MIGHT have deserved that..."

I crawled back to my feet and stumbled about on the stage, using my guitar for balance.

Aoi leaned onto the edge of the stage, making eye contact with Me. "You okay? She hit you pretty hard..."

I laughed. "Dude, Aoi, mah bro. I've hit MYSELF harder than that! No, seriously, ask the asshole back there, he witnessed it." With that, I shouted into the crowd at a certain eagle/lion flipper baby. "Savor it, Griffin the griffin, for it shall be the LAST time I embarrass myself! PERIOD! It shan't happen again!"

Aoi looked back to see Griffin giggling his ass off.

"Ten bits say you make a fool of yourself three more times tonight," Griffin said

I smiled and wrapped my arm around Vinyl, whispering into her ear. She giggled a bit as she heard my plan. The two of us turned to the audience with sadistically wicked grins. "Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Scratch and I shall conduct a bit of an experiment in dedication to the resident bad-asshole, Captain Griffin of the Griffin Pirates!"

Griffin raised his eyebrows. "What does he have planned?"

"So, a 'special performance'?" Aoi guessed.

Griffin's face went blank. "I suddenly don't like this."

Me and Vinyl tapped horns, allowing a thick mist to rise up.

The mist formed a screen, eerie music playing. A visage of a pair of lion paws walking slowly forward through rubble and crushing someone's glasses filtered through. First came Celt saying "I fear no man! But that...thing....it scares me."

The image changed back to over the shoulder of a feather-crested head, ominous breathing as Diamond Dogs and changelings rushed into buildings, fleeing in terror. I showed up, speaking in a panicked tone: "No, I...I ain't talkin' about that freak, alright! ...H-he's not here, is he!?" I went up in fake panicking. "How do I get this fucking thing off!?" I'm trying to rip a microphone from my jacket before slamming into the camera, cutting the scene again...

"Eh? What is this?" Griffin asked.

The mysterious visage, a griffin it is revealed, kicked down a door, holding a familiar looking blade, its tip alight and ready to fire.

"One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind those eyes..." An conjured illusion of Aoi said. The illusion cut to an image of a towering inferno spraying from the tip of Hades, the illusionary Griffin posing menacingly in a blazing city. "What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty...." The image pulled towards Griffin's face, zeroing in on his eyes...showing the world through HIS gaze...and it is oh..so....SUGARY! Literally, the world was even more sugary sweet than the real Equestria.

I started singing as the scene opens up.

Do you believe in magic?

I sung the song as Cherub-esque Diamond Dogs and changelings 'play' with Illusion-Griffin, his harmless antics translating to horrifying mutilations and murders in the 'real world'.

Griffin went slack jawed at the sight. "What. The. Hell...."

Many of the nobles were now laughing at the imagery of Griffin conjuring plush animals, flowers, and blowing bubbles and such at changelings and diamond dogs.

Aoi started laughing wildly at the thought of the Pirate captain acting like that... "No way in hell that would ever happen...."

"Knightmare, you... Fucking TRAITOR!" Griffin bellowed at me. After the humiliating exposé, he marched up to me and grabbed me around the neck, throttling me as he glared coldly. Aoi, who had been laughing his ass off the whole time, went silent at the sudden outburst. "What the FUCK was that?" Griffin shouted, hurting my ears.

"'Meet the Pyro!'" I answered in a strained voice.

Griffin blinked a few times. "Wait, you mean Valve FINALLY released 'Meet the Pyro?'"

"Yup! and It was EXACTLY like that, except we replaced the Blue team with D-dogs and the Pyro with you..." Griffin dropped me on the ground. I laughed after the landing, preparing to buzz off at a moment's notice.

Griffin sighed. "I don't believe this. Well, I guess I won't be helping you out with your little food problem."

"Now how the hell could you 'help' with THAT?" I growled, not trusting the egomaniacal griffin.

Griffin laughed evilly. "I know magic, and I maaaaaaaay just know a spell that lets us humans toggle between our true forms and what we are now." Out the corner of my eyes, I saw Aoi perk up at Griffin's mention of the spell. Griffin went on. "Meaning that, if I feel like it, not only could I expose all of us for what we really are, and make us damn near powerless at that, but if I were to make you human, you could eat some of the leftover food from the Sweet Apple Acres cart. However, for what you just did on that stage, I don't think I'm feeling very generous right now...."

I started twitching. "And you didn't bother mentioning THAT earlier!?"

Griffin snickered. "Must have slipped my mind......." Sarcasm is wonderful.

I growled, about to do something I hadn't done in, literally, years: Act in pure anger.

I grabbed Griffin by the neck. "YOU BRAINDEAD EGO-MANIACAL SNIVELING SONOVABI-" My vicious rant was cut off by a deafening explosion, making me drop my hold on Griffin.

Aoi looked towards the source of the explosion, a hand over Kokuryu’s, his sword, handle. I must have picked up the name during that hour of fear earlier

Griffin ducked the body of an unconscious guard as he flew onto the stage from the door.... at the FAR end of the hall. "Oh, what is it now!"

I swung my guitar, the sharpened edge whistling in the air, "Don't know, don't care. I need to mangle something really badly, so back the fuck off before it becomes you."

Griffin and I looked to the door, smashed and splintered, to see a strange form standing there. It looked like a dragon without wings. Its eyes glowed a faint purple, and it had small, blue lines running all over its scales. Clenched fists and a look of pure rage on its face darkened it’s demeanor. Behind it was a pony wearing full steel plate armor, with a two-handed sword across its back, looking a little nervous. The dragon stormed through the hall, ponies jumping out of its way as it walked, cracks appearing in the stone as it came forth. As it walked up the remains of the red carpet, me and Griffin looked at each other, and jumped backwards, to either side, holding our weapons at the ready for when things inevitably became violent. The pony behind looked rather upset; probably the dragon's traveling companion, embarrassed that it was disrupting the Gala. Aoi crouched to a low stance and tightened his grip on Kokuryu, but he didn't draw it just yet.

I stomped onto a long table and marched towards the wingless dragoness. I dragged the axe along, the blade cutting deep into the thick hardwood table effortlessly. "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?" I shouted at the dragoness, clearly pissed that my rant was interrupted so suddenly.

It only walked right past us, ignoring my protests entirely, up to the throne where Luna sat, Celestia absent due to her lying in bed, drunk. She stared in the moon princess's eyes for a moment, before winding her arm back, and delivering a bone shattering punch to her muzzle. And Luna had probably just recovered from her fight with Chrysalis.

At this, I stood there, slack jawed. I just about dropped my weapons in shock of the audacity of what this dragon just did.

"WHO ART THOU AND HOW DAREST THOU DISRUPT THIS OCCASION AND ATTACK EQUESTRIAN ROYALTY?!" Luna shrieked in her RCV. "THOU SHALT BE PUNISHED FOR THIS ACTION!"

I twitched, and in my rage, I picked up a chair and chucked it at the dragoness. "HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU!" The chair hit, shattering on impact. But it. Didn't. Do. SHIT! The dragoness just shrugged it off like a boss!

I twitched even more and grew more frustrated, LITERALLY shooting off jets of steam and fire from my nose and ears, before shifting into a massive mechanical construct, the dreaded 9-Ball, charging at the dragoness, my weight enough to shatter the thick tiles of the ballroom, crushing tables and chairs underfoot effortlessly. "OUTTA THA WAY! COMIN’ THROUGH!"

But Luna's horn lit up, brilliant as the moon itself, and she flew into the air. Lightning began to crack in the sky behind her. She pointed her horn at the dragoness as I shifted and charged.

"Griffin, get Knightmare away from them, he's gonna get his ass kicked!" Aoi shouted at the griffin in question.

The dragon grabbed Luna by her horn, and smacked my mechanical form across the room, using the Princess like a baseball bat.

Coincidentally, I landed right on Aoi. The Wolf got his footing back as we skidded across the slick floor. "I got you!"

We both smashed into a wall, leaving a deep crater. "Bad....move...." I charged out, roaring like mad, readying my axe to strike, unharmed from the blow.

"You okay, Knightmare?" Aoi asked. "Knightmare, WAIT!" He grabbed me by the mechanical jets, earning a burned paw for his efforts.

I roared as loud as I could. "I will be OK when I got that oversized lizard and that damn bird in a headlock!" I charged out, Aoi still gripping my jets, and prepared to knock some manners into that oversized iguana.

Sadly, Griffin stood in front of me before I could get to that bitch of a dragoness "Hold it, bug. Think about it for a sec, k?" I turned and watched Luna. After having her magic fail trying to affect the dragon due to its scales, instead, she resorted to physical attacks. Even though the Princesses are AWESOME at magic... They fucking suck at physical fighting... Which was made apparent by the way the newcomer had grabbed Luna, tossed her into the ceiling, caught her on her way down, and stomped on her back, driving her through the floor and making a fairly large hole in it.

"If that thing can do THAT to Princess Luna, just what exactly do you think you'll be able to do against it?" Griffin continued. "It would be better if the three of us stayed OUT of this, at least till we know what we're dealing with." I changed back into my pony-changeling form, and hung my head in defeat. I then looked up at Griffin with a small hint of determination. Luna and the dragon had disappeared somewhere.

"Fine," I said, "But then we better spend this time thinking of how we can beat that thing."

"Heh, next time, Knightmare, don't expect to use me as another pillow. My ribs still hurt from you slamming into me," Aoi said as he walked up to me, a needle in his hand. I nodded at that, letting out a little laugh as I did so.

"Okay, Knight and Aoi," Griffin started. "We've got something here that is on the same level as Princess Luna. Did you see those lines all over it?" Me and Aoi nodded. "Yeah, that's magic if I ever saw it, meaning that this dragon..... thing, rather than using basic dragon abilities, probably knows how to use spells. And unlike me, since it's a dragon, it has a near unlimited reservoir to use spells."

"A dragon that knows how to use further magic?" Aoi asked.

Griffin nodded. "So, we'll need to triple team it, if it comes to that. Also, its scales were black, meaning we're gonna have a tough time even cutting it to begin with. It's smaller than the ones I'm used to fighting, and it's faster, so we'll have trouble even hitting it to begin with." He then turned to the wolf next to me. "Aoi, you've got the best shot at hitting it and actually doing damage."

"Griffin, there's something important I need to tell you!" Aoi started.

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Ubi told me about how dragons use magic, usually taking years of natural practice... Meaning..."

"Meaning?" Griffin was getting a little impatient.

"What did you say about using magic..."

"That it has a nearly unlimited reservoir? That it is definitely using it?"

"About those lines..."

"Yep, and if it takes years of practice, yet this thing is using it so young, I'm guessing it's the Twilight Sparkle of dragons."

"You're not going to be able to get near it... let alone touch it, or even a swing at it. Unless you can use that same level, We're most likely going to get floored as soon as it finds a new target."

"You're right. My sword is too slow. I won't be able to hit it, unless I have a clear shot and she doesn't see it coming. Knight, let's face it, you might be able to hit her, but you won't do any damage at all, so........"

"So, we're right fucked then, aren't we?" I quipped.

"... Wrong..."

"Huh?" I said. Aoi held out the needle in front of us.

"Now, I didn't say we couldn't buy some time for Luna..."

"You mean, let us handle it, while we give her time to prepare herself?" Griffin retorted.

"Yeah, but first..." Aoi called over one of the Diamond Dogs he traveled with.

By the look on Griffin's face, the wheels were turning in his head. "Knight, you and I will play distraction, while Aoi does his ninja thing and goes for the kill shot. We'll only get one chance at this. Screw up, and we're all dead. It won't fall for it a second time. It could work, and it means we're more likely to live since we'll be playing defensively."

"Ubi, on my signal, get ready to call the royal guard," Aoi tells the dog at his side.

"I can't, everyone's too scared to, they're not going to listen," the dog Ubi pointed out.

"Dammit!" Aoi paused to think. "Griffin, how much magic can you spare?"

Griffin pulled three vials of a weird red liquid that looked like blood from his pouches. "I got about ten minutes of unlimited spells, but then my brain will be fried and I'll have to drop out."

"I only need one spell."

"Hold on." Griffin snapped his fingers. Trixie, Gilda, and a tall cat-lady who was traveling with Griffin were soon at his side. "You three, get the crew to evac this place. It's about to become a warzone."

I growled in anger. "I still hate you, you know that, right? Once she's down for the count, then it's gonna be you and me." I stopped and thought. Celestia mentioned previously that she gave me 'special powers' in three of my forms. I’ve only got a short time using my mechanical form before it gets too painful to keep up, but if we need speed, [url=http://www.gundammodelkits.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/Armored-Core-OMER-TYPE-LAHIRE-Gun-Metallic-Ver.-Model-Kit-01.jpg]how about [url=http://ravenrepublic.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/XA-0901.jpg]something like this?"

I’m still trying to wrap my head around how these mechanical forms work.

Just call it magic and be done with it.

....That sounds like a good idea. I can’t believe I just said that. Blasted humans and your fingly-fangly machines.

"Bullets aren't going to work on something harder than diamond." Aoi reasoned.

I grinned sadistically. "Hence why I was thinking a plasma shotgun, instead of gatling guns."

"They might at least get her attention, and give extra breathing room to the rest of us."

I nodded. "Shall I?" I shifted to my LAHIRE form, the slender black and gold mech still painful to shift into. I listened and logged Aoi's battle plan whilst prepping the Sampaguita plasma shotgun for battle.

"Remember, we're going for distraction and buying time." Aoi reminded.

"Now, Aoi, you said you needed one spell?" Griffin asked.

Aoi gave a wide smile. "Yes."

"What kind of spell were you thinking?"

"Can you make me go faster for about 30 seconds?"

Griffin laughed. "How much faster?"

"Fast enough to turn me into a living bullet while falling?"

I perked up. "Does 2578 kilometers per hour sound right?" Aoi nodded.

"That, I can do. Just tell me when you want the buff."

As we discussed our plan, I could hear thuds coming from deeper in the castle, and the hum of magic as heavy things were tossed around. I listened whilst testing my boosters, hovering about in various directions, the powerful jets thankfully quite silent even as I circle the planning duo in mid-air. I scanned the battlefield in preparation, able to detect powerful vibrations coming from deeper in the castle. "Something tells me they're not in the ballroom anymore."

Griffin said "Wait a minute, guys, aren't we forgetting something?"

I blinked with my non-existent eyes. ....oh FUCK! I’m recalling something OTHER than the armored pony, something that scares me a WHOLE lot more!

I turned and look at the armored pony that came in with the rampaging dragon, who was trying ever so hard not to be noticed.

Griffin pounced, pinning the pony to the ground."You, you came in with that...... thing. You know it better than we do, so, tell me its weakness."

"Um. I'm Ritz.... I don't... really... know... any of her weaknesses? I don't even think she has one..."

"You're kidding..." Griffin deadpanned.

I approached the pony, holding the Sampaguita to its head. "Well then, 'Ritz'. I suggest you help us, or you won't have a face for long." My voice came out cold, and mechanical. Kinda unnerving.

Aoi, however, fucked up my fun by getting in between me and Ritz, shooting a glare at me. "Don't start this, Knightmare, it might be hard to do, but calm down..."

"Ugh, it's fine," Griffin said, gripping his head. "A dragon that uses magic is small enough to evade power strikes, and strong enough to withstand speed attacks. It's very possible that she really DOESN'T have any weaknesses. We'll just have to play her 'Not-strengths'"

I moved my mechanical head, staring at Aoi. "I don't think you fully realize what's hidden within this castle. If their brawl should breach the Black Vault, we are ALL in deep shit. Ending this fight as soon as possible is my current priority."

"Black vault?" Griffin asked, tilting his head and stepping off Ritz.

I shuddered, the empowered disguise falling away in green flames, "Celestia told me about it. It's a literal vault where things deemed 'More Dangerous than Discord' are locked away. It's INSIDE the castle! If their brawl breaks it open, I don't wanna think of what...THINGS could get released! If you’ve ever heard of the SCP Foundation, then you’ve got a good guess to what’s inside."

"Well fuck." Griffin said. "That would have been nice to know. Now we have to go after them.... wait a sec. We are seriously forgetting something. Six somethings, actually." I caught Grif's hint almost immediately: the Elements of Harmony.

"We need to go now, I don't want to deal with other hazards that could endanger MORE civilians," Aoi said.

I grinned. "OH GIRLS!" I shouted, turning around to see the Mane Six, conveniently RIGHT THERE. "Time for a brawl!"

"You six, get the Elements of Harmony," Griffin instructed. "Whatever this thing is...."

"Her name is Ember!" Ritz protested.

"Okay, 'Ember' is rampaging, and fighting Princess Luna as we speak. The three of us have a plan, but if it fails, we need you to use the Elements of Harmony. So go get 'em."

"Rainbow Dash, what are you still doing here?" Aoi asked the pony in question as he looked at the blue pegasus with concern.

"I'm here to help, isn't that obvious?" Rainbow replied.

I rolled my eyes, "She's the Element of Loyalty, that's why!"

Aoi looked at me. "Element?"

"Aoi, these six are actually national heroes. They each wield one of six magical artifacts, called the Elements of Harmony, which combined, are the most powerful force in this universe." Griffin explained.

"Hmm... I sure hope you're right about this..." Aoi said with a bit of nervousness; he's probably thinking of all the things that could go wrong.

I nodded sagely, "They've beaten a demonic overlord, a psychotic god, and a power-hungry mage-queen. I think they can handle a wingless dragoness."

Griffin pressed on. "So, you six go get them while we hold her off and....." Just as we were getting ready to move out, there was a crash, and the dragoness, named Ember, crashed through the wall, using Luna like a battering ram. "Girls...... go...... now......"

I gulped. "......You gotta be fuckin' with me...."

Aoi quickly ripped Kokuryu from out of its scabbard and held it at the ready. "Griffin, when I sheathe my sword, cast the spell."

I quickly shifted to Speed-mode LAHIRE and began locking on with every missile in my arsenal.

The six mares backed away as the three of us readied our weapons. Ember tossed Luna to the ground with disdain, and began stomping towards us.

I looked to Griffin, "Shall I begin?"

Griffin shook his head. DAMN IT! "Ember, STOP!" And then Ritz, who we had all forgotten about, smacked Ember on the back of the head. Her eyes stopped glowing, and instead of purple, were now red. The blue lines faded from her body, and she began looking around confused.

I blinked my eyes -that-weren’t-there a few times. "Well now, that was anticlimactic."

Ember clutched her head. "Ugh, what happened?"

"You went on a rampage, AGAIN! And at the Grand Galloping Gala!" The armored pony screeched. What is with people and high-pitched noises today?

Griffin's mind was apparently full of fuck. "What....... the....... fuck..... just..... happened.......?"

Aoi lowered his blade. "Scratch that...."

I twitched a bit before bellowing in RCV: "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL JUST HAPPENED!?"

"Ummm..... oops?" Ember apologized. Shittily, might I add. "Sorry folks. Eh-hehehe?" She laughed nervously. Griffin lowered Hades and his right eye started to twitch.

"Ember just got some sense knocked into her..." Aoi snickered.

I rubbed my temples as I shifted back to my humanoid form. "You...you have GOT to be shitting me...."

Griffin facepalmed. Ember looked at him angrily, suddenly recognizing him apparently. When he removed his claw, he saw her staring at him. For a few moments, the two locked eyes with each other... until Griffin decided that he has had enough.

"WHAT?!?!?"

"You," she said simply.

"What about me?" He inquired.

"Yeah, what about him?" I said. "Because, seriously, fuck him, he's an asshole."

"I'm gonna kill you," she spat at him vehemently.

I blinked. "...I like this gal."

Aoi pinched the inner corners of his eyes in frustration. "Five minutes ago you wanted to get back at her for interrupting..."

I quickly retorted to Aoi's comment by saying, "Only because she was interrupting me giving Grif a piece of my mind and playing some Grifball."

Ember pressed on. "But not here. Too many innocents to get in the way. Be warned. I will find you. And I will fill you with so much pain, you will beg for death. And after that, I'm going to EAT you, but, unlike my dad, I WON'T choke."

Aoi blinked twice at what she said.

I blinked as well. "Wait, what? The who with the what now? .....Fucking hell my brain is so full of fuck and rage right now, I can't think straight."

"Now, I have to go talk with Princess Luna." Ember grabbed the unconscious alicorn by the horn and dragged her out of the hall and into a meeting room. By the way, she said 'talk' seriously and not spitefully; it appeared she really was just going to talk. At least, I thought so.

"WAIT! Ember..." Aoi called to her while she's still in sight. She ignored the wolf's call.

"Wait... hold on. She storms the gala, wrecks shit, curbstomps Luna, snaps out of it, says sorry, threatens me, then takes the princess out back to have a chat over a cup of tea?" Griffin asked rhetorically. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?!?"

"I DON'T KNOW, YOU TELL ME!" I screamed, making use of the Royal Canterlot Voice.

Aoi sighed and sheathed Kokuryu, "I don't know, either, but it looks like you're going to have to watch your back. She just swore a vendetta on you..." Aoi said, speaking to Griffin, not me.

"Sonor. Sonor. Sonor. Sonor. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!" Griffin screamed, his magic amplifying it to RCV levels.

"WHADDA YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A BIRD CAT THINGY!" I countered.

"WHY ARE WE YELLING!?" Griffin shouted into my ear.

"YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE! THAT'S WHY!" I countered, yet again.

"WELL YOU'RE A WUSS!" Right about now was where we'd come to blows, were it not for Octavia smacking us both upside the head and pointing to Aoi, who looked REALLY .....calm.

"She just swore a vendetta on you... and please stop yelling..." The warrior wolf was gripping his ears, clearly in pain. "I'm still trying to burn through the spiked punch, you yelling is not helping."

"Okay.........." Griffin took a REALLY deep breath, "She said she's gonna kill me, and unlike her dad, she won't choke........ wait, her dad? Oh, just FUCKING great. She's pissed because that dragon ate me and it died instead of me."

"Wait, what?" I looked right at Griffin with the 'Are you serious?' face, "Are you serious? A dragon ATE you and it died? How the fuck does shit like that happen?"

"I'll tell you what I tell everyone else. I'm chewy." Snarky-ass bastard.....

"He dove down it's throat with a scale." Aoi responded, cutting off Griffin's fun.

"Wow Aoi, way to ruin it." HAH!

"That's for yelling... My ears are still ringing..."

"No comment." I shook my head in irritation. "Not only are you an asshole but you're a lunatic to boot." I sighed and walked off to survey the damage - hopefully nothing was wrecked too much.

"They're coming to take me away, haha! Hee hee, ho ho, haha, to the funny farm! Where life is beautiful all the time!" Griffin...was singing...THAT song. Yup, he's a lunatic.

"Seriously though, yeah, I know. I'm pretty screwed up." Odd, I thought you were Captain Griffin, not CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!

"Then move to Ponyville, you'll fit right in!" I shouted, getting a few chuckles out of Griffin, Aoi, and Octavia.

"Have your face plastered all over the news one day" Aoi butted in. "Then you could see yourself acting crazy."

"Um, I hate to interrupt but..." At the sound of Twilight's worried voice, we turned to see them with the Elements of Harmony, all of them VERY worried.... "We have a problem."
Oh we are so FUCKED!

FNTK Reborn Chapter 12: Harmony of Destruction

Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever

Chapter 12: Harmony of Destruction

“Um, I hate to interrupt but..." When we heard Twilight's voice, we turned to look at the Mane six (or however you wanna call them) to see them all wearing their necklaces.

"We have a problem."

"What's the issue?” Griffin demanded. “You got the elements, and the problem is gone. Everything is good, right? Well, except the floor and wall."

I started chuckling, but stopped at Twilight's comment. "That phrase never portends an easily solved problem..." I'm suddenly scared shitless. "Agent Pie! Sitrep, now!"

“The Black Vault is shredded and over half of the Articles are GONE!" Pinkie reported. She zoomed up, then stopped on the spot, wobbling from the momentum like a jumped-off diving board. “We were able to retrieve the elements of harmony because the door to the Black Vault, which is normally closed and only one of the princesses can open it, was destroyed."

Aoi looked at me with concern.

"Wait, AGENT Pie?” Griffin asked incredulously. “You mean........" Griffin gasped comically, "I knew it! Pinkie Pie IS a spy!" Aoi snickered at Griffin's remark.

I sighed, and said, "Not a spy. She's an Agent, working for Celestia...like me.” I stopped chuckling at the joke, "But seriously, what the hell happened?"

"Wait, that means you two are spies too?” Griffin inquired. “Ha. Haha. Ha. I'm surrounded by spies.”

"Ex-, to be exact..." Aoi corrected.

“If anyone makes a 'That changeling is a spy!' joke, I'm gonna go Pyro on yo' ass!” To add emphasis to this promise, I turned into TF2's Pyro, with his/her/its unlit flamethrower hoisted high into the air.

After seeing that the weapon was unlit, I facepalmed. When I spoke, my voice was muffled to the point of inaudibility. “...Fuck, forgot that only mech forms have 'powers'....this damn flamethrower's useless...”

"While Luna and the dragon were fighting, they slammed into the vault door, and broke it off." Twilight said.

"For a vault, it's not that secure..." Aoi commented.

"Also, That Pyro's A SPAH!" Griffin added.

SHIT THE VAULT! I started twitching...and SPRINTED out of the ballroom fast enough to leave a trail of green flames to survey the 'broken door'. “Eep!” After seeing the door, the words to describe it weren’t 'broken off’... instead, the three foot thick magically enhanced Magicite-steel door was COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY SHREDDED! Many of the pedestals for articles were now, shockingly, empty...including one for a shard of Nightmare Moon's armor entitled 'The Pick of Destiny'. "Oh you HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING WITH ME!" I shouted, audible from clear across the city of Canterlot.

"Did you hear that?" Aoi asked.

Griffin pulled a stray feather out of his ear. "I see nothing, I hear nothing, I KNOW nothing." He replied in the voice of the guard from Hogan's Heroes. Aoi simply rolled his eyes.

Just then, there were a great multitude of screams, as all the partygoers went zooming through the door and back into the hall. Several ponies picked the doors up and put them back on, while unicorns repaired and barricaded them.

They all looked like they just ran for their lives.

"Gilda, what in the name of Morgan Freeman is going on?" Griffin asked.

"Some stupid troll got into the Canterlot zoo and let all the animals out,” Gilda informed them. “We've got Timberwolves, Manticores, Hierophants, some rocs, and a fucking basilisk out there!"

I zoomed back into the hall. "THE BLACK VAULT IS TORN OPEN AND NIGHTMARE MOON'S ARMOR IS MISSING!"

Griffin roared "OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!"

"Well, Griffin, looks like the night's not over yet..." Aoi told him.

"Aoi, you go deal with the animals. I'll have my crew help the moron track down the dark goddess’ armor.”

“Then what the hell are you gonna do?” I demanded from Griffin.

"I'm going to sit here on my ass, take some deep breaths, and try to figure out how to stop the fucking apocalypse," Griffin answered.

Aoi grabbed the hilt of Kokuryu and headed outside to meet the animals of the zoo, signaling to his two Diamond Dogs to go with him. He’s followed closely behind by Queen Chrysalis.

“I refuse to allow this battle to continue without providing aid of my own! Troops, follow the Pirates, until this battle ends, Gilda is your commander!” Immediately over a dozen ponies revealed themselves to be changelings, leaping into the fray and tending to the wounded, and bringing others back to safety.

Griffin’s gang headed off with me to try and find the articles stolen from the vault, all the while scooping up some punch in a cup. "I know it's spiked, but I'll only have one glass, just to take the edge off. Anymore, and if I survive this debacle, Gilda will kill me. Can't go getting drunk when I have the end of the world to deal with. Seriously though, who signs me up for this shit?" Griffin scoffed and chugged.

I twirled a finger around one ear, while pointing to Griffin with the thumb of my other hand.

I hopped over the building barricade. "Aoi, any guesses on who might wanna steal the shattered armor of a demon-goddess?" I was ignored by the warrior wolf, who was far too busy dealing with the raging animals to hear me.

Chrysalis had made it to the top of a nearby spire and was beginning to charge up a number of magic spells. Some rocs noticed and tried to knock her down but suddenly, an electrical shield was visible, frying them and removing them from the sky forcefully.

Immediately, the shield expanded and was sending lightning bolts everywhere. She looked like one of those glass balls where the electricity is drawn towards your hand. Except in reverse and instead of a tingle, ANIMALS ARE BEING MADE INTO CHICKEN!

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” Her laugh was spot on for evil villain. She started creating whirlwinds of fire on the other side of the park from where Aoi was fighting. Every so often, a series of simple but powerful magic blasts flew out from her, striking small enemies, like the timberwolves terrorizing ponies.

Going above that, she started to pick up the timberwolf pieces and created a massive wooden golem, who went on to fight some manticores and heirophants. She’s ridiculous, her electric shield is still up and everything! A hundred silvered blades appeared and started cutting through any beast in their path.

To top it off, she shot lasers randomly off into the sky and at whatever other manner of beast she could find. A bright red circle appeared in front of her, slowing gaining a rotation speed and brightening to a more solid red color. All of her magic seemed to speed up and-

“Ready...Aim...FIRAGA!!!!!!” I can’t believe she just said that. Did she just say that?

Yes, she said that.

*Clink clink* No I didn’t...

Shhh, You’re supposed to sound awesome!

...........

..Okay, I’ll shut up.

I need to go back inside before all the awesome going on out here kills me.

As I bolted back into the ballroom, I heard a scream in the distance. Turning on my feet, I spotted Octavia wreathed in a familiar black mist.

"Oh fuckmeintheassthisisBAD!" I began speaking rapidly, panicking at the sight before my eyes: Octavia being possessed by The Nightmare. This is BAD on SO many levels!

As I buzzed my way towards the stage, I saw the resulting 'Creature' emerge from a cocoon of dark magic. She looked, dare I say it, beautiful. The former earth pony was decked out in dark violet armor, and growing FAST from her original guise, a long, sharp horn spiraling out of her forehead and two wide-spreading wings blooming from her barrel.

"Please don't say something cliche, please don't say something cliche, PLEASE don't say something cliche." I repeated to myself...she heard me.

"Too bad, so sad." she whispered to me. How I heard her whispering from across the massive ballroom I'll never know. And to make things worse, yeah...she said something cliche.

"I love this part!" She said, before bringing out the Royal Canterlot Voice, "You can't hope to defeat me, give up now, and lose yourself to my song!" The demon-goddess then began playing a very badass song on her magic-cello with enough raw power behind it that all of the glass within a full mile of the castle is utterly CRUSHED to a fine powder, and those with sensitive hearing are left writhing in PAIN. There's only so much badass many folks can handle, doncha know.

In response, Griffin leaped up, looking a tad tipsy from the quick drink. He's almost as much of a lightweight as me it seems. He cast a series of spells and went COMPLETELY BERSERK on Nightmare Octave. However, it seemed she fed on his hate much like changelings feed on love. Every slash that SHOULD have been fatal was simply laughed off as the wounds healed, and she continued her song unabated.

She tired of his continued annoyance, seeking a worthy foe, and unleashed tendrils of, I shit you not, SHEET MUSIC from her mane and tail, slicing a gash across Griffin's face and sending both him, AND the Mane Six flying clean out of the ballroom. They were still there? Jeez, could have done something sooner.

Hey, that music was terrifying! I couldn’t block it out at all.

You still could have seen it coming. Wasn’t the transformation obvious enough?

We were scared okay!? I still feel bad about it...

"Hey, Aoi, I could use some help here." I heard the 'mighty pirate' shout, calling to the warwolf for reinforcements. He was right, we were gonna need 'em, especially me, since the magical musical mare had just set her eyes on me...Oh Celestia she just licked her lips, PLEASE don't start flirting with me!

"Come, my pet, let's make music together." Oh DAMMIT, now I got that big lipped alligator stuck in my head. ...And I just learned the hard way that a sadist's idea of sexy times involved PAINPAINPAIN!

I screamed "YOU COULD USE SOME HELP!? WHAT THE FUCK AM I, CHOPPED LIVER!?" I was ducking and dodging to avoid the razor-sharp blades of music and pulses of sonic magic. You have NO IDEA...how much this hurts! ...Yes, I DID have to make that joke!

Yes, yes you are.

You’re mean...

Oh shaddap, Chopped Liver.

"Griffin, can you and your crew handle a zoo?" Aoi asked.

"You got it, try not to die!" he said cheerily as he flew out the door to join the part of his army that wasn’t rescuing citizens.

"Same to you,” Aoi returned.

I whimpered "Halp?" while I was being slashed, stabbed, and garroted by the bobbing and weaving threads of musical magic eminating from Nightmare Octave's massive double-bass. Wait, wasn’t it a cello moments ago???

Aoi rushed to the stage where I was blasting out guitar riffs in the hopes of countering her magic. It...might have been working?

I began playing another song, hoping to beat away Nightmare Octave's merciless magical music, though the collision of our songs created some...unexpectedly epic feedback.

Aoi staggered at the noise, amplified by his hearing. He slowly walked towards her, grinding his teeth at every step. By the look of him, his eardrums were practically begging him to stop and cover them, but he kept walking. Nightmare Octave continued to blare out her deafening chord as Aoi drew closer and closer. We all saw wisps of light coming from the horn she received when she became Nightmare Octave.

Aoi stumbled at the pain of how loud the music was getting. He gasped for air as the warrior wolf clenched his ears, then stood up precariously. He ran towards her clumsily, his movements actually helping him dodge some of the still flying sheet music.

"Sairen no yōna anata ga himei!” he shouted in Japanese as he grabbed her muzzle and held her still. "DAMARE!" He eased Kokuryu below her horn and with one stroke carved off the infernal horn to her horror. The magical outburst as a result sent him flying through the wall, landing on Griffin. “KUSO!” He slowly stood and stabbed Kokuryu in the ground, the ringing persisting, then receding to make way for the blurred return of sound. However, The Octave quickly swiped her horn back into place, where it resealed to her forehead, as Griffin and Aoi tried to make their way closer against the barrage of sound assaulting their ears.

I buzzed away, having landed in the same hole me and Aoi had made earlier.

I pulled up my axe-itar and began playing a hellish riff, Nightmare Octave joining me. I don't know what my allies saw, but in this 'Music World' that appeared, everything looked like a REALLY TRIPPY video game! At my side were the Dark Warriors of Light, yes, THOSE guys, and at Octave's side were their dysfunctional evil counterparts. This...is going to be INSANE!

NIGHTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE!

Nightmare Octave and I stood on opposing sides of a massive stage. Manning drums, guitars, and a piano, were the Four Warriors of Light: Fighter, Blackmage, Redmage, and Thief. On Octavia's side stood Lich, Marilith, Kraken, and Tiamat.

Now your nightmare comes to life.

Our battle began with a deafening blast as cannons fired on either side, revealing FLEETS of battleships on either side of us, targeting each other. High above, two screens, each showing five sets of green and blue bars, appeared.

Dragged you down below
Down to the devils show
To be his guest forever
Peace of mind is less than never

We launched a second volley, cannons firing raw music and blasting into Octave's band of villains, numbers popping up over their heads as their green bars dropped down.

Hate to twist your mind
But God ain't on your side
An old acquaintance severed
Burn the world your last endeavor

As our volley ended, our foes took it up, casting dark magics along with their volley of musical cannons, the blue bars dripping down. I realized, now, that they represented Health and Mana. This IS like a goddamned videogame! Seriously?! I’m playing Rock Band and Final Fantasy at the same time? How does that even work?!?

Flesh is burning
You can smell it in the air
Cause men like you have such an easy soul to steal (steal)

My troops began using spells and techniques as well, ripping into the opposing troops. A misfired shot did no damage to them, but left one of their battleships a smouldering hulk.

So stand in line while they ink numbers in your head
You're now a slave until the end of time here
Nothing stops the madness turning, haunting, yearning pull the trigger

Another volley fired, now simultaneous, the battle for our lives continued, cycling back and forth, taking turns to batter, bruise, blast, and break one another.

You should have known
The price of evil
And it hurts to know that you belong here
Yeah
Oooooooh
It's your fucking nightmare
While your nightmare comes to life

Our numbers were dropping on either side, battleships lost and teammates wounded.

Can't wake up in sweat
Cause it ain't over yet
Still dancing with your demons
Victim of your own creation
Beyond the will to fight
Where all that's wrong is right
Where hate don't need a reason
Loathing self-assassination
You've been lied to
Just to rape you of your sight
And now they have the nerve to tell you how to feel (feel)
So sedated as they medicate your brain
And while you slowly go insane they tell ya
"Given with the best intentions, help you with your complications"

The Octave kept chugging and neither her nor I appeared to be gaining any ground.

You should have known
The price of evil
And it hurts to know that you belong here
Yeah
No one to call
Everybody to fear
Your tragic fate
Is looking so clear
Yeah
Oooooooh
It's your fucking nightmare

Our battleship numbers had dropped below a fourth of their original as the Nightmare laughed. We’d both lost two teammates.

HA! HA! HA! HA!
(Break)
(Maniacal laughter)
Fight (Fight! ). not to fail (fail! )
Not to fall (fall! )
Or you'll end up like the others
Die (Die! ), die again (die! )
Drenched in sin (sin! )
With no respect for another
OH!

It looked like I was gaining the upper hand. She was losing battleships faster and I still had an ally.

Down(Down! ), feel the fire(fire! )
Feel the hate(hate! )
Your pain is what we desire
Lost (Lost! ), hit the wall (wall! )
Watch you crawl (crawl! )
Such a replaceable liar
And I know you hear their voices
(Calling from above)
And I know they may seem real
(These signals of love)
But our life's made up of choices
(Some without appeal)
They took for granted your soul
And it's ours now to steal
As your nightmare comes to life

Our ships were burning husks, our bands were bleeding in agony, but as Octave attempted to stand, I continued strong, reciting the final line as I charged for a full-bodied strike!

You should have known
The price of evil
And it hurts to know that you belong here
Yeah
No one to call
Everybody to fear
Your tragic fate
Is looking so clear
Yeah
Oooooooh
It's your fucking nightmare

Breaching out of the 'Music World', I leaped up at the gloating Nightmare Octave, who realized too late the rookie mistake she made. My strike distracted her long enough for Aoi to lop off the tip of her horn, releasing her magic uncontrollably and sending Griffin and Aoi BACK through the wall. The horn landed far away, on the opposite side of the room from her prey.

"Uggh...... nice.... move, Aoi..... Now she won't be able to cast magic," Griffin said, several magic explosions going off around us as they flew from her horn chaotically. "We are so screwed."

"Enough of this!” Nightmare Octave shrieked into the night. “You both have proven to be more trouble than you're worth. I'll dispose of both of you, then the whole world will hear my music, even without my horn."

Octave began playing an even louder song, if it could be called that, causing both Aoi and Griffin to fall over, clutching their heads with pain. Through the ringing, they heard an unexpected voice.

"SHHUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUP!"

Yep. Me, bitches.

I jumped from behind the Nightmare, overtaking her and with an open, slow, overly dramatic swing which anyone with any real skill could have blocked, I brought my axe-guitar crashing down, lodging it in her severed horn stump, splitting it with a cry of, "BEGONE, FOUL DEMONESS!"

I ripped my guitar-axe from the shattered horn-stump, drawing out a vile black mist. I began belting out [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI7XiJgt0vY]a legendary piece of music, dredging the dark magic from Octavia's body, slowly restoring her to normal and locking The Nightmare away within my guitar.

Aoi covered his ears, each sound bringing more and more pain.

"Knight, stop!" Griffin shouted.

I hoisted my guitar high.

"WWWRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed, before getting bucked off by an irritated, yet thankful Octavia, the music and mayhem of the Gala finally over. I made my way to where the severed horn had landed. Before my eyes, the lost chunk of Octave's horn transformed into a small rounded triangle of blue metal....one of the missing fragments of Nightmare Moon's armor...the Pick of Destiny!...Why is it WRITTEN on the pick!?

Griffin fell over screaming, and Aoi landed next to him. "Owowowowowow!" Griffin writhed on the ground, clutching his eardrums for what he thought would be dear life.

"Owatta..." Aoi said, relaxing on his back.

"Finally, silence. Sweet silence." Griffin exhaled stopped squirming.

I sat up, staring Octavia in the eyes. She glared back at me...angrily. But in time it softened, even soliciting a grin. I began slowly laughing, and she joined in. In a few minutes, we were laughing so much from the adrenaline that neither of us could move.

"Hey Griffin..." Aoi said in the softest voice possible.

"Yeah?" Griffin whispered.

"Know any healing spells?" Griffin didn't respond, so Aoi just turned to look at him instead. "Know any healing spells?" he repeated.

Griffin nodded, pulled out a vial of a thick red liquid, as well as a red potion and a blue potion that looked suspiciously like health and mana potions respectively, downed all three, got to his feet, and pulled his sword out in front of him.

"Medico." He pointed at Aoi, and his cuts and bruises vanished. He then pointed at himself and repeated the incantation.

Aoi winced, then relaxed, letting out a heavy sigh “I've never had a night like that in 20 years...A battle like that in my life...Those are the battles I feel, the ones that make you want to keep living..."

"I haven't been hurt this bad since before I became a griffin,” Griffin said with a small chortle. "Yet, I still somehow came out of it okay. Heh. Fuck you, death, not today."

Aoi laughed, gaining back lost gasps of air. Griffin joined in. "Hey, Griffin..." Aoi began.

"Yeah?"

"...Where you headed next?"

I stumbled over to the duo, my mane smoking and my illusionary jacket torn, green-red blood dripping from it. "That...was awesome." I promptly fell flat on my face, ignoring my wounds.

"Gem Fido,” Griffin continued. “I gotta get back to rescuing slaves. This vacation was nice, but now, I need a vacation from my vacation."

Aoi slowly lifted up his hand and makes a thumb sign. "Mind if I hitch a ride? I'm headed there too..." Griffin matched his thumbs-up, then collapsed, laughing again.

Aoi turned his head to me. “Hey, Knightmare...do me a favor..."

“I don't think he can hear you,” Octavia said. She lowered her head, and pulled back up at a particularly LOUD snore coming from me. “Definitely can't hear you.”

"I'll say it anyway...Never play that loudly in earshot of me again...and thanks, you really shone through. Give him that message for me when he wakes up... Octavia was it?"

I gave a thumbs up, revealing I was faking being asleep. "Someone call a medic, please..."

"Ugh...fine,” Griffin grumbled, slamming his sword on my back, painfully. “Medico.” Once the spell is performed, all the wounds from my battle began to heal. “There, now quit your bitching."

“I think he got it,” Octavia said as she holds out her hoof to Aoi. “Octavia Philharmonica-Scratch, at your service, Sir Myoujin.”

Aoi slowly reached behind him and took the grey hoof in his paw. "Pleasure..." They shook once and he let his arm go limp.

Octavia smiled lightly and backed away. “I'll go find Princess Celestia and let her know what's happened...”

I moved my head to watch Octavia heading for the castle again, only to leap out of the way as a massive, cake-covered troll ran out the door screaming something about 'crazy mares', followed by a roaring, drunk Princess Celestia chasing him with a flaming broom, screaming 'cake thief'. "This whole damn world is nuts...I LOVE IT!"

"Haha! That's the spirit! Maybe you aren't so bad after all...pervert." Griffin gave me a noogie.

"Neither are you...asshole." I laughed heartily at the noogie, "Help! Octavia, help me! I need reinforcements!"

"Well, still not turning you human so you can eat,” Griffin said snarkily.

I sighed. "Meh, I can handle it..." Chrysalis walked by.

"Oh, wait, I forgot to mention, you can eat normally when transformed. Sorry." She buzzed off, giggling happily. She didn’t even look the slightest bit injured.

I started fuming. "...fucking bitch."

"Makes sense. Oh, by the way. Chrysalis is petrified of me. Want me to go play with her?"

I thought about it. “....nah. It won’t really help in the end.”

"And, I regret to inform you, but all the leftover treats were eaten by the Canterlot Zoo."

“AH, DAMMIT!” The last thing I saw as unconsciousness took me, was the sight of a bright pink and blue pegasus flying overhead with a triumphant grin...

Theron Swanson:
Link also broke

Jesse Mcferon:
I'll fix it later

FNTK Reborn Chapter 13: Royal Breakfast Silliness

Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever

Chapter 13: Royal Breakfast Silliness

The events of last night will haunt my days with a demented grin for the rest of my life....

That's what happens when one overdoses on awesome after a life of boredom. They go catatonic from the awesomeness.

I woke up the following day to find myself in the PLUSHEST bed ever conceived. Soft, silken sheets, a big soft comforter, and the bounciest, most comfortable mattress you can imagine....times ten. As I turned about on the bed, I noticed a most...unexpected companion.

"G'morning, my little Knightmare."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" What? I got scared, okay! I honestly thought for a brief moment that it was all just a dream...and then I woke up to Princess Celestia...in her own bed...with me in it. "...eep..."

"Now WHAT was THAT for?" She asked, indignant at my panicked reaction. C'mon, Knightmare, don't crack any stupid jokes!

"Sorry, I thought I died there..." Oka-WHAT!?

"Why did you think you had died?" Celestia asked, looking a tad worried.

"Well, how else do you explain that I woke up next to such an angel?" Did I just say that!? The hormones are coming back. That got a bout of giggling from the lovely princess. Still...don'cha just hate it when your mouth runs out of control?

I gave Celestia a quick smooch and said. "Meet you in the dining hall before Griffin's concert?"

Celestia chuckled dryly and scuffs me playfully. "Of course, we have things to discuss regarding the Black Vault and your role in my court. For now, royal duty calls."

I bowed. "I'll meet you later on, then, milady." I moonwalked into the bathroom and began my morning routine. Five minutes later, I moonwalked past Griffin and Aoi, clad in naught but one of Celestia's frilly pink towels. "G'mornin', dudes!"

"I guess waking up normally isn't an option here in Equestria," Aoi said as he and Griffin entered the room.

"Of course it's not. You ought to know that by now," Griffin returned.

I waved at the duo. "'Sup? You should use the bathrooms, they're AWESOME! We're getting the royal treatment! Also, FUCK NORMAL THIS IS EQUESTRIA! THE SANE DON'T SURVIVE!”

Aoi chuckled. "I guess not... By the way, Griffin, who's in there with you?"

"Oh, Gilda," Griffin answered.

Aoi raised an eyebrow with a smile. "Your mate?"

"You got it."

"You better take care with this one, He's a keeper..." The molf told Gilda.

The griffin in question smirked. "Oh, I know."

I stopped. "Wait....you...and GILDA!?”

"Yes, me and Gilda,” Griffin deadpaned.

“....The world cannot handle that much HATE making love.”

"You're feeling chipper today aren't you?" Aoi asked me.

“How can I not!?” I told him. “We may not have DONE anything....but I slept with the mare of my dreams, had the best sleep I've had in years, and all after THE Party to end all parties! Plus, for the first time in too long, I'm NOT cracking the ground trying to walk around!" I still danced around, the towel not falling off of my waist, even as I pranced my way up a wall and back down. “I feel lighter than air!”

I’m still trying to figure out how you can pull that off so easily.

Don’t bother, he refuses to tell me, too.

Teeheee!

"Maybe it's because you have wings?" Aoi said with a hint of sarcasm while Griffin snickered at the comment.

I stopepd moonwalking...and began laughing. "No." I turned dead serious...albeit grinning widely. "I checked my weight, they've got electronic scales. Shocking, huh? Did you know I only weigh in at forty-two pounds now?"

Aoi tilted his head to the side and cracked the stiff joints in his neck before stretching his arms. "Beds could use some work though..."

"Had ANYONE told me I'd weigh that, say, a month ago? I'd have called them a liar. I weighed, a smidge over a year and two weeks ago, 369 pounds....and ......I see I'm not the only one with someone to cuddle up too." I bowed to Gilda, who’s wrapped on Grif’s shoulder. "Milady, pleased to finally meet you in person."

"Yeah, just quit with the sophisticated crap, alright? It pisses me off,” Gilda snaped at me.

"Wait, you were 370 pounds? Ha! Fatty!" Griffin (the asshat) mocked, a massive grin forming on his beak.

I raised my hands up defensively. "Fine...I'm gonna go get something for breakfast." I continued moonwalking towards the dining hall, keeping an eye on the two short-fused griffins.

Celestia walks past the group and glared pointedly at Griffin. "And what's wrong with being a healthy weight?"

"Healthy for a pony or a griffin maybe, but for a human? You wouldn't walk, you'd roll,” Griffin explained. “There is such a thing as 'Too healthy'."

Celestia gave Griffin one final glare before moving on.

I whispered to Celestia. "Griffin's an asshole."

"He has his charms, but yes," Celestia whispered back.

I snickered, continuing my moonwalk through the halls.

Aoi glanced at me. "What's the rush, Knightmare? The concert doesn't start for a while."

I laughed. "I can moonwalk, Aoi. But I sure as fuck can't do it all day. I'm gonna go take a first-hand look at The Day Court!"

"Day Court?"

I shook my head at Aoi. "Not a brony, are ya? The Day Court is when Celestia's in charge. Likely in the rebuilt Throne Room."

Aoi raised an eyebrow in interest. "Hmm, I take it you're going to be briefed then?"

I shrugged. "Possibly. I mostly just wanna watch."

"Well, have fun,” Griffin said. “What am I saying? I know you won't. You are WILLINGLY going to a place where they wage politics. Now, I already know you are, but still, I have to ask... are you an IDIOT?"

Aoi grinned and looked back. "Come on, Knightmare, a guy who basically screams classics without batting an eyelash, watching poli-" Aoi stopped mid-sentence. "Nevermind."

I rolled my eyes. "Nope. I'm just going to watch. If things get too political, I'll leave and wait for Celestia, but then again..." I looked to my left at the guard, who nodded in the direction of the throne room. "I'm kinda expected anyway."

I chuckled at Aoi. "But you're right in that I hate politics, but the mare of my dreams demands my presence. Thus, I bid you both adieu. Fair thee well, fellow warriors."

"There goes a fool and a hopeless lover," Griffin said.

“As far as a hopeless lover goes,” Aoi shrugged. "Might actually happen, most likely not, but remember, we're in Equestria, stranger things have happened."

*****

"Welcome to the proverbial hell that is my daily life," Celestia murmured in a quiet voice to me as I took my place beside her.

I suppressed a snicker, standing tall and strong, as an honorable Royal Guard ought to. "So, what's the situation with this guy?" It looked like none other than Filthy Rich droning along about...something.

"He hopes to open a new chain of bargain stores and has spent the last half-hour convincing me why it's in my best interests. If he'd just sent a letter I could have signed it in a heartbeat, instead I get...this."

I whispered. "Why not just tell him that? You know, letting ponies know that would probably make things a lot easier on you."

"Because an audience with the Princess is how the nobles rank themselves. If I denied them that, I'd be stuck dealing with the next hundred ways they came up with to annoy me and play their little games. Better the enemy you know, as the old saying goes."

I sighed. "Yeah, I know. Temptation to rant....rising...." I shuddered, afraid to fly off the handle in front of Celestia.

"I know the feeling well, but court does have its moments. Remind me to tell you sometime about the 'expert' who was convinced hospital guards needed training to ward off ninja and zombie attacks."

I chuckled under my breath. "Musta been an interesting read...then again...as strange as things are getting with us humans arriving, I wouldn't be shocked at the arrival of Ninja Zombies whom may or may not be robotic pirates as well. Things are getting stranger and stranger every day."

"Quite, now shush, I think they're starting to realize we're not paying attention to them..."

“Eep!” I chomped down on my lips, keeping myself silent.

Filthy Rich was watching the princess expectantly and several of the nobles were shooting me angry looks. Discreetly, of course.

"Thank you, Filthy-"

"Uh, I prefer Rich."

"Of course, Mr. Rich. That sounds like an excellent idea, please send the appropriate forms to my secretary when you have the chance."

I shot a less-than-discreet glare at the irate nobles before standing tall again. One royal guard grumbled about needing to be more strict about that next session.

I joined the princess in a smile, my own far more broad...and toothy than hers.

"That's one down, two-hundred-sixteen to go,” she told me aside.

I sputtered and nearly blurted out, 'You gotta be shitting me!' before whispering it to her. Albeit not as discreetly as I'd hoped.

"And that's just before lunch."

I twitched. "I'm assuming you summoned me to show me this?" I crossed my fingers, hoping she's not intending for me to sit still this WHOLE TIME....

Celestia laughed. "Not entirely, my young friend, though I had hoped this would give you a better appreciation of royal duty, should you ever aspire to enter politics."

I twitched again. "Princess, I love you. You know that, right?" I waited for her nod. "Then know this. I HATE politics! I'm way too hyper and short-tempered for it. I tend to rant and rave and shout and scream and throw things when shit gets political. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I pity you having to sit hear and listen to nobles drone on and on and on and on and ON over something...TRIVIAL! Everything I've heard since I walked in the door could have been sent in a letter, no complaints, no problems, and a crap-ton faster and easier for all involved!"

Celestia smiled and chuckled. "And that, my dear Knightmare, is why so many of the gods are ill-tempered. You could barely stand one, how do you think we feel with millions of prayers pressing upon our ears at all hours of the day? And that's JUST for the gods who DO NOT get directly involved, like my sister and I...." She then looked down.

I twitched once more and sighed. "Yeah, I am WAY too impatient." I looked around the courtroom...to see that EVERYPONY heard my outburst. "...Oops."

"Don't pay much attention to it, I've made my fair share of slip-ups over the years. If you'd like, you are free to wander the castle and city as you please. I'll send somepony to fetch you at lunch and we can discuss more of what your role in this Game will be." She was still looking down.

"Um...what's so inter...es....ting..." I finally look down...only to see I had still been wearing nothing save for a towel...which just dropped. One of the nobles, Fleur de Lis, judging by her wide grin, had just let out a Tex avery whistle. Then again, maybe it was Chrysalis, standing just behind her. They noticed each other and locked eyes. I could feel the contest from where I stood!

"Oh yeah...He's a keeper!" pink unicorn shouted, causing the courtroom to erupt in screams and shouts, many of anger, and a few of jealousy. Chrysalis seemed to be winning her fight but Fleur was putting up a good fight.

"Uh....oopsie..." I then let out a girly shriek as someone's telekinetic grip latched onto a certain extremity and began pulling me along. "OOOOOWWWWW! What was THAT for!"

You shrieked.

Thank you, Captain Obvious. You’d do the same if someone telekinetically grabbed your womanhood.

That’s one experiment I’ll gladly NOT do.

"You, young man, need to be properly DRESSED if you're so adamant about being bipedal!" I looked down to see Rarity, more angry and embarrassed than anything, literally dragging me along like a misbehaved dog... Looking back, I saw Celestia stifling her giggles as she attempted to calm down the irate nobles. Chrysalis had won the contest but couldn’t find where I’d been dragged off to.

"....better in your parlor than that courtroom right now..." Oh don't gimme that look, dammit! You wouldn't wanna deal with them prats, either!

I realized later why she ACTUALLY gave me that look, considering what she was holding onto.

A half an hour later, and I was fitted with brand new duds! Suffice to say, I'm beginning to think Rarity can read minds, because I was dressed in a black and red Ringleader's jacket, altered to reach to my ankles, with little black feathers lining the bottom edge. The back was, obviously, slit open at just the right spots to let my wings be exposed, whilst still remaining comfortable and not fucking with their buzzing. The thing was mostly black, with red, gold, and purple accents. Four of my five favorite colors! Apparently, Rarity really REALLY hates green. A gold chain ran from the underside of one lapel, across my back, and to the opposite side, forming an X pattern in front. Fairly stylish. Beneath, I was given, oddly enough, a pair of pants, these ones in deep charcoal grey, same color as my mane, to which she added extensions to that and my tail, and styled to be slightly spiked, but controlled.

I swear to you I felt like a major badass....then came the knee-high boots, just like a Ringleader's. And the awesome just kept coming. It was finally topped off by a charcoal grey top hat with a red ribbon, simple yet badass.

"...I dig it!" I said, looking into the massive mirror at my new outfit. Fifty bits says neither Griffin nor Aoi notice it.

"I'm glad you like it, it's certainly more stylish than that ragged old outfit you wore, and less likely to fall off than one of the Princess' towels...."

"I love it, Rarity, but I have you know that that 'ragged old outfit' was worn by one of the greatest musicians of my world, and the only one mastering the genre of 'Pop' that I genuinely enjoyed..."

"And who, pray tell, was that?"

"Why, none other than the King of Pop, the Prince of Thrills, Michael Jackson." Yup, you know what that means! Sing along!

It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes
You're paralyzed

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike
You know it's thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight

You hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl!
But all the while you hear the creature creeping up behind
You're out of time

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl
Thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight

Night creatures calling, the dead start to walk in their masquerade
There's no escaping the jaws of the alien this time
(They're open wide)
This is the end of your life

They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side
They will possess you unless you change that number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together, yeah
All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen
I'll make you see

That this is thriller, thriller night
'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try
Thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a
Killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
Girl, I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try
Thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller, ow!

(I'm gonna thrill ya tonight)
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y'alls neighborhood

I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, ooh baby
I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, oh darlin'
Thriller night, baby, ooh!

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

"Oh my!" Rarity giggles, bopping me on the nose. "Well, it seems Miss De Lis was right, you ARE a keeper. At least as a jester, if not a lover." I chuckled in response, but a ruckus in the courtroom caught my attention. Rarity and I didn't need to speak, both thinking the same thing, and bolted for the courtroom immediately.

Introducing:Fudge of Equestria: Knight of The Realm [For the next bit, the story temporarily take the third person POV]

The doors to the throne room burst open, a guard pony entered panting as if he has just run a marathon.

“Princess!” He shouted.

“What is the meaning of this interruption?” Celestia demanded crossly. “I'm very busy. This had better be important.”

“Your majesty... there's an army at the gates!”

Predictably, the nobles panicked. There was tons of shouting and pushing and shoving as they attempted to flee.

“BE STILL MY SUBJECTS!” The solar diarch commanded.

The princess very rarely used the Canterlot Voice. The nobles prostrated themselves in fear.

Wish they did that more often...

Don’t we all?

“I will deal with this myself.”

Her horn began to glow, and with a flash of light she had vanished. She reappeared at the bridge to Canterlot, pleased that Shining Armor had already erected a forcefield.

“Your majesty,” He bowed.

“Details,” She replied.

“See for yourself,” The Captain of The Unicorn Guard said, pointing his hoof.

Beyond the forcefield, across the bridge, were diamond dogs. They stood in two perfectly straight lines stretching as far as the eye could see. There must have been at least a thousand of them. At the head of this mass of canines was a majestic looking creature, taller than the others. He had a coat of grey, black and white. His face had the appearance of a Malamute.

The dog held a spear casually with a stoic expression. Strangely enough, behind the dog were four others holding what looked like a palanquin, but instead of a sedan chair there was a bed on top. The carry poles each had two sets of legs to rest it on. Lying in the bed was a massive figure wrapped in a dark blue cloak. Between the sheets and the cloak she couldn't make out what it was. A large cloth of black silk covered the head. What she could see was the large axe by its side. It glittered in the sunlight, its silvery surface betraying that it was of no ordinary metal. Several jewels, each of a different type, were set across its face.

“Well, shall we?” Celestia asked.

Shining Armor said nothing and created an opening in the forcefield. He stepped out first, followed by the princess.

As they slowly approached, she was surprised when the diamond dog with the spear got down on one knee, bowing low.

“Oh Bringer of Light, Mistress of The Heavens,” he began. “I am Silverfang, beta of the Deep Rock Warren.”

Her eyes narrowed, and Shining Armor took up a fighting stance. They had heard horrible stories about that place and its cruel master, the one they called Boxer. To their eternal shame they were unable to prevent ponies from being snatched up in his clutches. They had laid ambushes, set countless traps to try and catch him, and every time he slipped away with more slaves in tow. Foals treated him as a kind of bogeyman. Parents told their children that they had better be good or Boxer would get them.

“We come before you at the command of our new Alpha.”

The pair were stunned. They knew that could mean only one thing. Boxer was dead.

Silverfang gestured at the palanquin and the bearers set it down. He went over to the bed and spoke in whispering tones. He looked up and nodded at the princess and stood at attention, hands folded with his spear behind his back.

Celestia strode forward and gazed down at the figure. She was slightly startled when a large green hand emerged from the sheets and lifted the black cloth ever so slightly.

“Princess?” came a deep, very tired voice that sounded nothing at all like a diamond dog.

“I am she.”

“It's really you,” The voice wheezed in pain.

“You are injured?” She inquired.

“I am dying.”

Her eyes widened. They widened even further when a young red dragon peered out from the ranks at his words. It appeared to be listening very intently. Silverfang glared at it, causing it to step back in line.

“Shining, alert the hospital staff at once. A priority one patient is on his way.” Celestia commanded.

“But your highness!”

“My dogs will not bite,” The figure stated. “They will remain outside the city.”

“As my Alpha commands,” Silverfang replied, thumping his spear against his chest.

Shining Armor looked conflicted, but turned away and raced towards the hospital.

“Follow me,” Celestia said to the palanquin bearers.

Soon they reached the hospital and the staff rushed him into surgery. It would be several long hours before she heard anything. The princess paced outside in the waiting room. From the update she had been received, the minotaur's name was Fudge, and he was in terrible shape. Several of his ribs were broken, he had internal bleeding and several spear wounds that showed the beginnings of infection. His left horn was snapped off in the middle.

Frankly, it was a testament to his strength that he had made it this far.

Finally, after hours of waiting, the doctor came out, covered in sweat.

“Prognosis?” She demanded.

“He lost a lot of blood, but he'll live. What's more, I expect a full recovery. In my professional opinion? He's one tough son of a bitch, if you'll pardon my language majesty.”

“Can I see him?”

“Now, if necessary, but he really needs to get some rest.”

“Very well.”

* * *

She was surprised to find him already awake. The minotaur sat in his bed, looking at his reflection in his axe. He had refused to be separated from it, even in surgery. Before the anesthesia kicked in he had gripped the handle tightly and they were unable to remove it from his hand. Fudge gingerly touched the three gashes over his right eye. The old stitches had been removed, the wound cleansed and re-sewn.

“Your majesty,” He said, looking up as she came in. He tried bend forward and bow, but found it too painful.

“Please, don't injure yourself for the sake of formality.”

“Very well. I suppose you'd like to know why I'm here.”

Celestia nodded.

“You might like to take a seat. It's a long and unpleasant tale.”

She made herself comfortable on a cushioned bench.

“It all started when I went to the public library...” He began.

He wasn't joking about it being unpleasant. In fact, she was fairly certain that he would never be able to joke again as long as he lived. He told her everything, from being shunted out of reality to his last day in the arena. And what happened to Lily.

“I'm so sorry,” Celestia said sadly.

“Something... happened to me then,” He said quietly.

He closed his eyes, his muscles all rippling as he shuddered.

“When I came to, Boxer was dead and I was in charge. In Deep Rock Warren, who kills the Alpha becomes the Alpha.”

He opened his eyes and looked at her.

“Everyone. Every. Single. Dog, that remained loyal to him is dead. They would not accept my judgment. And so the others tore them apart. They were finished with tyranny. They wanted their honor back.”

“And what was your judgment?” Celestia asked.

“Justice.”

He said it as if it were a magic word, a kind of talisman. As he said it, the jewels in his axe gleamed.

“They came to throw themselves at your mercy. They sold their honor to save their own skins. None of them ever wanted to become slavers, but the fear of Boxer was enough to make them do things they despised, if only for the sake of their families.”

“And mercy is what they will receive,” The princess stated. “As it stands, I can make use of every hand that can hold a spear.”

“They will serve you well,” Fudge said.

“... And what of you?” Celestia asked. “What will you do now that you are free?”

He stared off into space.

“I don't know.”

“There is a growing battle against slavery. You're strong. You should join it.”

He sighed as if she had just placed crushing weights on his shoulders.

“I am tired of killing. I'm so tired. But you're right. I suppose it comes with the job.”

A kind of light kicked on in his eyes. He ran his thumb down the blade of the axe.

“Besides... I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.”

“Do you mind if I ask what?”

“I have to hunt down a certain monster.”

“A monster?”

“I told you how we freed the pony Octavia, how Boxer found out and sentenced us to the arena. She said she had been sent to the mines by a 'flying wolf'. She was very insistent that she wasn't crazy. She said he let her friend go.”

“Why would he release one and enslave the other?” The princess asked, puzzled.

“...That's what I intend to drag screaming from his hide.”

He considered the matter thoughtfully.

“Hmm... speaking of which, I'll need something to shoot at him. I can't bring Justice to him if he flies away.”

“Don't you mean bring him to justice?”

“No,” He said, resting his chin on the axe.

She seemed to catch his rather grim meaning.

“When you're well, I'll send you to the armory. They'll give you whatever you need.”

“You're helping me?” He asked, surprised.

The princess blinked in disbelief. She stood up and walked over to his bed.

“You've brought an end to one of the cruelest of slavers and reunited countless families. For your service, I dub you Sir Fudge of Equestria, Knight of The Realm.”

She tapped his shoulders with her horn.

“...Thank you your majesty,” He said, unsure how to respond. “There's one more thing. The dragon that I killed, the one that made Boxer... do what he did. He had a son, Char. He's the one who nearly clawed my eye out. Can you take care of him?”

“I'll see what I can do. Try to get some rest. And Fudge? I'm sorry for everything that happened.”

He shook his head.

“You weren't the one that brought me.”

As she left the room, he resumed looking at his reflection once more. Celestia was not at all surprised to see Knightmare standing outside the door. After all, it was his job. As they walked down the corridor together she asked:

“How much did you hear?”

He gazed at the floor glumly. The changeling began to play a mournful tune, quite different from the usual blaring sounds he normally emitted. Then he sang:

His heart underneath, cries quietly:
“This part of me, I choose not to see.
What lives must I take, for fealty's sake?
How much blood must stain, this warrior's blade?

War leaves its trail, in moonlight so pale.
Its shadows they flow, in rivers. In rivers.
So put on my mask, I'll go where they ask,
So I might once again see the Roses of May.

Staining my soul and stinging my eyes.
The red on my hands,
Won't wash away, wash away.
No where to run, from what I have done.
I'm no longer, no longer a Rose of May.

Fate holds the blade before you, mirrored in maiden's eyes.
Far from myself I fly, into the perilous skies.
And they said:
“Follow the blade before you.
Fear fall and courage rise.
Leave all your tears behind you, far from where innocence lies.

Cage of the kings, no need for wings.
So turn them to stone, from roses to bone.

When you look at me, what do you see?
This costume I weave, disfiguring me...

War leaves its trail in moonlight so pale.
Its shadows they flow, in rivers. In rivers.
So put on my mask, I'll go where they ask,
So I might once again see the Roses of May.

Staining my soul and stinging my eyes.
The red on my hands,
Won't wash away, wash away.
No where to run from what I have done.
I'm no longer, no longer a Rose of May.

Storm clouds are creeping closer. Danger is drawing near.
Why am I not protecting all that I once held dear?
And you said:
“Break free from all that holds you, kings hand and maiden's tear.
Run now into my arms, together we'll conquer our fears.

Led here by fate, no longer afraid.
So here now lay... my Roses of May.

“...It needs to end quickly.” Celestia said.

“Oh yes. Most definitely.” Knightmare agreed.

[Introduction: Over.]

My mind sobered by that event, I begun to finally comprehend just how BAD the situation was... But, even now, as time drags on, I feel the need to gain sustenance, then I'll confront the horrors arising in this peaceful world... I can tell, however, that we humans didn't cause these horrors, we only brought them to light.... And we have to snuff them out.

As the princess and I approached the main dining hall, I spun on my heel and opened the dining hall doors for Princess Celestia. "Ladies first!" Within the room are Griffin, Aoi, Gilda, those two D-dogs with Aoi, Chrysalis and the Mane Six...and the biggest spread of food I'd ever seen.

I blinked multiple times when I looked at the MASSIVE spread for breakfast, including, shockingly enough, some HUMAN classics! "....How...in the world...did you convince your chefs to cook BACON!?"

I began buzzing around, repeatedly mumbling bacon, gawking at a small hill of crisply-fried juicy BACON!

Celestia laughed. "It's not bacon, it's a high-grade copy made of vegetarian materials. The esteemed head chef managed to create a spice which replicates the flavor through magically transmuted memories I- *ahem*-borrowed."

"I'm impressed, even down to kaiseki cuisine...” Aoi began, “But, how did the chefs know how to make all this?"

I felt, and looking down, SAW my jaw drop RIGHT to the floor. "So...you're saying, it's, literally speaking, HAY bacon...? Time to test it!" I grabbed a slice of hay bacon and stuffed it into my mouth, chewing thoughtfully.....cautiously....patiently.....annoyingly, agonizingly SLOWLY......

I looked to Aoi and Griffin....and gave two thumbs up! "Tastes like REAL, Apple-smoked bacon!"

Griffin took his seat and looked around. "I don't get what the big deal is. It's just bacon. Have any smoked salmon?"

I rolled my eyes. “Fine, the, more for me!” and promptly heaped a massive pile of it onto my plate, alongside some buttered garlic toast and peppered white gravy, determined to get a PROPER breakfast going.

"Well, no use wondering about it, most of the things in this world don't make much sense anyway..." Aoi says as he slowly takes a seat with a pair chopsticks in paw.

I turned back to the plate of bacon, only to see the six foot tall stack dwindles to only two pieces....and both Pinkie and Celestia whistling innocently, drips of grease on their lips telling the tale of their horrid crime. "You...why? WHY must you torment me so!?"

"Did you get these from my memory as well?" Aoi asked Celestia as he picked up a piece of Japanese cuisine with his chopsticks.

Celestia did an epic troll face and ignored the question. Aoi flinched at Celestia's trollface and looked back at the chopsticks.

“Seriously though, no fish, not even shellfish? This sucks," Griffin pouted.

Celestia smiled innocently at Griffin. "Perhaps next time you will put a little more thought into your letters?"

"Hey, you said you LIKED my letters,” Griffin countered, “Is it because I haven't been writing any, since we can talk face to face now?"

I shifted to a scrawnier and less muscled version of my human form...and begin grabbing donuts and other pastries and hay-sausage patties, hay-sausage links, a hay-canadian bacon croissants, and a multitude of other false-meat products of a breakfast-like design.

"Just like my dream..." Aoi muttered.

Celot prepared to dig in...but stopped. "....should we say a prayer, or something?"

Celestia shrugged. "If you wish."

Aoi folded his hands together around the chopsticks. "Itadakimasu."

"Dear lord, thank you for sending me to Equestria, where everything is wonderful except the lack of meat." Thus spake Griffin, whom apparently likes to irritate Celestia.

Celestia gave Griffin a pitying glance. "Not all good things must come at the cost of another's life."

I clasped my hands together. "I'm hungry, Celestia's a babe, let's chow down!" And promptly began stuffing my face. I repeatedly gobbled on donuts, eventually chomping them down so fast I wound up in a race with Celestia and Pinkie.

"You've CLEARLY never had deep fried fish then,” Griffin retorted.

"Hey Griffin, feel free to have some of the seabream..." Aoi pointed his chopsticks at the strips of meat.

Griffin took some of the aforementioned dish and bit into it cautiously. "Well, it tastes kind of like it, but, it's just not the same."

Celestia took a sip from her glass, pausing briefly in her donut race. "You fight a war to liberate the griffons, because you think it is wrong for the dragons to use them as a food source despite their lack of other sources. Yet you feast on the bodies of countless innocent creatures for no reason other than that it's fun?"

"Yeah, but FISH and CLAMS aren't SENTIENT."

"I'm quite sure most dragons feel the same way about griffins and diamond dogs."

I stopped in the race, officially giving up at the colossal pace Pinkie and Celestia set, there's no way I could keep up with someone eating as fast as Pinkie WHILE GIVING A LECTURE! "The thing is, when you're an omnivore, your body NEEDS things that you simply cannot GET from a purely plant diet. And leave us not get started on CARNIVORES."

"Kind of hard to think that when your meal is screaming at you, 'Please! No! I have a wife and family!'"

"Perhaps they scream and you simply think yourself too far above them to hear it?" Celestia spat.

"If that's the case, then you're just as bad with plants. How do you know THEY don't have emotions? In fact, a scientific study has shown that many plants react to stimulus in a conscious way. See that apple? You're eating it ALIVE. You monster."

“Actually, the apple is technically the ovaries of an apple tree...” I slunk down into my seat after making that announcement....

“Enough!” Aoi slammed his bowl onto the table, silencing us entirely. He sighed in frustration. "Breakfast isn't a good time to discuss the consciousness of our food now is it? It's disrespectful to both the food and others.”

I perked up. "Agreed! I do NOT wish to discuss if this hay bacon is screaming at me!" I shuddered. "I'm gonna have nightmares because of this discussion, I swear it...”

"Once, a person asked me how I could stand to eat meat, knowing I was eating the life of another..." Aoi began. "Do you know what I said to him?"

"No....?"

"I kept on eating. At the end, I folded my hands and said 'Gochisousama'. I asked him what it means... What do you two think it means?"

"...Good meal?"

"Thank you,” Griffin says nonchalantly.

"Thank you for your sacrifice, young soul,” Celestia answers.

Aoi nodded.

Celestia then said. "Forgive me, I did not mean to imply that one should live to a standard not their own. I merely wished to convey upon Griffin the seriousness with which he should treat a life, even one as small as that of an ant."

"It never left my mind that to feed another, a living thing has to die. The best we can do is show our respect, appreciate what sustenance it gives us." Aoi picked up a grain of rice with his chopsticks to emphasize the next sentence, “No matter how small it is."

I nodded. "Unlike most humans I knew, I never hunted, neither for sport not for enjoyment. I don't want to ever have to kill another living being unless I absolutely have too..."

Oh the irony of that comment...

Spoilers, Miss Sparkle.

"Don't you think I know that?!" Griffin shouted, standing up and slamming his hands on the table.

Celestia stared directly into his eyes. "Do you?"

"I thought you might, but seeing as how you two were fighting about that,” Aoi said. “I wanted to give a small reminder..."

"Don't you think the faces of those I kill don't haunt me in my dreams? Don't you think I regret EVERY SINGLE ONE! Everyone has a family, friends. Do you know how many lives I've ripped apart, and I'm not talking about the dead. Even yesterday, Ember, the dragon who attacked your sister, came and vowed revenge on me because I killed her father! He was trying to EAT ME!”

Celestia sighed. "The weight of our sins will follow us until the end of times, if we do not acknowledge them we will find ourselves crushed beneath their weight."

Aoi slowly picked up his bowl again,"No one blames you...I'm not judging you. That's not what I do."

“The point is, for every life I have taken, for every drop of blood spilled, there are those who will curse my name till they day they die, and continue to do so long after,” Griffin said.

"So what now? Will you let your past haunt you?" Aoi asked. “Or will you meet it with sword brandished, ready to cut it down and move on..."

"Heh..... both,” Griffin answered, “I can't leave it behind, because I can never escape it. Even if I free the griffins and make a new nation, I'll never be able to sleep at night, if not by guilt, then by fear of an assassin, come to take vengeance." Celestia said nothing the whole entire time and continued to sip tea, letting Pinkie Pie claim victory in the eating contest. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to let it stop me."

Aoi slowly grinned. "That's the spirit. Take it one step further... What will you do if Ember faces you head on?"

"Well, seeing as how she beat the stuffing out of Luna...... if I face her head on...... I'm gonna die."

I took Griffin's form and made a kissy face. "Give her a kiss and ask for forgiveness!"

And what does Griffin the asshat do? He throws a fucking plate at my face.

Aoi snickered at my ass getting handed to me by a ceramic dish. "There's no way in hell that would ever happen..."

I chuckled, changing back to normal. "Yeah, but still, one can dream, eh?"

Griffin dropped his head on the table.

"Knightmare, remember, this is still Griffin we're talking about..." Aoi continued.

I nodded. "True..."

Aoi turned his head back to Griffin. "If you do die... Die knowing you died fighting, and that you died doing what's right by you..."

I sipped some of the 'tea' from Celestia's teapot ....."Wait a minute....this... this is COFFEE!!!!"

Oh shit... when I’m given coffee, all of you need to hit the fucking dirt, because I become an unstoppable machine. I twitched uncontrollably, the power of Espresso compelling me to jump right THROUGH the ceiling....I was back two minutes later, still twitching at an uncomfortable rate.

No, I REFUSE to make an 'Espressoman' joke. I'm a hero, but I'm no superhero, nor are my powers coffee-related. Unfortunately.

Urge to make comic book jokes...rising.

I’m rubbing off on you...and I don’t like it.

Celestia watched me with interest. "I need to remember that he does that..."

“Hey, Cap’n!” A voice called. We all turned around to see Griffin’s crew walk in the kitchen, with one of the griffins pushing a covered cart the captain’s way.

"Hey guys......" Griffin replied in a depressed tone.

The griffin pushing the cart stopped. "Cheer up grumpy, everyone is fine, Freud fixed Trixie up, and you can't stay upset when I brought your faaaavorite food."

Celestia smiled and welcomed the new arrivals with a nod and a few words of friendly greeting.

I looked around, then looked to Celestia nervously. "So...about last night...." The princess put a hoof to her lips and mimed 'shush', giving me a sly wink. ....Oh mai.

Griffin turned hopeful,. "You mean...."

“Yep! Battered perch, drenched in strained mango juice!” The griffin uncovered the tray, and a three foot wide side of fish is revealed.

'Hmm... looks like someone has a taste for gourmet..." Aoi commented.

Griffin and Gilda quickly grabbed a plate for themselves, the former’s mouth watering like motherfucking Niagara Falls.

Celestia eyed the plate warily. "Please tell me you did not catch that in the Canterlot Gardens."

"It's not koi, so I'm guessing not..." Aoi said.

"There is more than koi in Canterlot."

"Of course not!” The griffin chef told the Princess. “We caught it in Kowabunga Lake on Signal Island. We kept it on ice for a special occasion."

"Oh, good. I was worried there might be...never mind. Please, enjoy your meal."

Aoi laughed. "Trashing the castle definitely isn't a special occasion...well, at least not for me...but for the best night of our lives, I think it counts."

"Maria, how did you know?" Griffin asked the chef.

Celestia had another trollface. "How indeed."

Aoi went wide-eyed. "I know that face...."

Maria said. "Well, I heard about how you got hurt and had to stay in the castle overnight, and I know what pony food is like, at least for us.... so, I figured I'd make you a special dish as a 'get well' gift, although by the looks of it you already did."

"Thanks sport. This will just about make my day." I thought I saw Griffin literally CRYING as he and his crew began to eat.

Once everyone had finished eating, we all patted our stomachs, satisfied. "Well, we best be headed back to the ship for some shuteye. We rescheduled the concert to tonight, and I don't want to pass out halfway through.,” Griffin explained.

I twitched. "But...you just woke up! How the hell did you not get any rest last night!?" JUST as those words left my mouth, I realized just what likely happened.

"NEVERMIND, I DON'T WANNA KNOW!!!!"

"I thought you had a good night's rest... or was there something that kept you up?" Aoi asked the captain.

WHY DID YOU ASK THAT, AOI?! I’m having none of that! "YOUR SEX LIFE IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS, THANKYOUVERYMUCHIMUSTBEGOINGNOW!!!!"

Gilda gave a sultry smile. "Well, I'm sure we can find SOMETHING to burn off the energy." I looked at her, and she winked.

I twitched. ".....I know what you two did last night..I don't want any details..."

I got up and began walking away, my wings buzzing out a familiar dubstep beat as I twitchily danced my way out of the dining room, slowly gathering a platoon of back up dancers. Chrysalis following behind. I realized she had said NOTHING the entire time.

Celestia raised an eyebrow at Griffin and smiled knowingly behind her cup.

I led a small ARMY of ponies and even a few changelings down in the courtyard, all of them dancing robotically to the beat of 'Hyperactivity' whilst the concert was being set up for tonight.

I continued my twitching dance through the courtyard, STILL unaware of the fifty-plus ponies tagging along on my twitching dancing spree.

Celestia was dressed in sweats and a headband, her usual jewelry conspicuously absent. The three captains of the Royal Guard arrayed before me, each of them looked nervous.

I blinked at the sight, calming down, and FINALLY noticing the nearly fifty ponies following me, Lyra and a previously unseen changeling among them. "....Who ARE you ponies!?"

Celestia laughed. "Just some fillies and stallions who enjoy a good beat."

I blinked again and pulled out my guitar to make a test. I played a classic 'Rebel song', targeting the Guard Captains with it, for some humor. I laughed happily and turn to Celestia....letting out a classic 'Tex Avery Whistle' "Dang, someone's looking sexy! You rock the leg warmers, Princess!"

Celestia sniffed and raised her nose in the air saying, "I assure you I can 'rock' quite a bit more than mere leg warmers." She looked down and gives me a playful look, batting her eyelashes and smiling coyly.

I began buzzing a foot off of the ground, little hearts visibly floating around my head. "...Definitely....Ever considered black leather?"

Celestia laughed. "Perhaps some other time we can go through my wardrobe. For now, let me introduce you to my personal trainer and my..." She then smiled maliciously at the three captains. "...sparring partners."

I blinked, looking to the trio of captains, none of which are looking as badass as earlier... ".....Is this what I think it is?”

"Probably not."

I twitched and turned to Celestia with a scowl. "I MEAN is this, literally speaking, you planning to fight ALL THREE of them?"

Celestia trollfaced. "Did I say it was just going to be me?"

I blinked, shuddering. "....I already faced those three...I kinda LIKE being alive!!!"

“As do I, let's try to keep it that way, shall we?" Oh, this won’t be fun.

I shuddered, wondering just WHY she needs those three ubers to be her sparring partners, and why they're SCARED to fight her!

"Well the last training golem Luna built me kind of...broke."

"Broke?!” Shining Armor exclaimed. “It was melted and embedded in the side of a mountain! And that was only the half we could FIND!"

"Like I said, it broke,” Celestia said simply.

"Training golem...???? Built by Luna!?! EMBEDDED INTO THE MOUNTAIN!?!" WHAT THE FUCK DID I GET MYSELF INTO!?

Don’t...say..it..

....aworldofhurt.

DAMMIT SPARKLE!

Celestia smiled reassuringly at me and scowled at Shining Armor simultaneously. "Let's move on, shall we?"

I gulpped. "So...am I on your team, or am I a dead man walking?"

"You're a little something I like to call..." She dropped down in a crouch, her horn starting to glow."...catch-and-release."

“Eep!” I started leaping skyward.

"IDONTWANNAPLAYTODAY!...I WANNA ROCK!"

Celestia took a deep breath and raised her wings. "I love it when they run. It's exciting."

I’m SO dead!

I shifted to my speed LAHIRE form, quick-boosting out of the way of Celestia, tripping over a confused Harbinger, and shifting to the ‘9-ball’ form, jetting across the courtyard and through the startled ponies like a wild animal.

Celestia smirked. "And the chase is on.”

I leaped up over Celestia's 'trainer', a familiar-looking beefy-as-hell pegasus. "Wazzat, Roid Rage!?" I shouted, blasting my way back into the palace.

Celestia grinned and chased after me, simultaneously dodging coordinated attacks from the three captains while Roid Rage looked on approvingly. "You can't run forever!"

I screamed. "I'M GONNA TRY!" I blinked, the bulky form lending a deeper tone to my voice, oddly shocking considering I am a full on bass as a man.

Celestia appeared in front of me and grabbed my torso in her magic. "Catch."

I tapped Celestia's horn. "Release!" I shifted back to the speed form and Overboosted away, the sonic blast knocking several ponies away. I slid along the tile floors, dancing around and over ponies, including sliding my feet back and forth on the blade-like tips of my feet, bobbing and weaving them between a line of ponies, barely making it past. I slammed into a wall and de-shift.

"Ow....I'm getting used to that!" I grinned and began racing off in a random direction.....specifically, unknowingly to me, in the direction of Luna's private quarters...known by the inhabitants of the palace as 'The Lunar Forge'

I dashed through, not noticing that the color palette getting darker, less white and gold, more blue and silver. Until...WHAM! Right smack dab into the massive double doors that barricaded the Princess of the Night's personal chambers from the outside world! "Gottahidegottahidegottahide!"

I shoved the door as hard as I could, slowly pushing it open and immediately slipping in, shutting the door after me.

I gulped at the pitch darkness. Well, almost pitch darkness. There WAS a light at the end of the hall, barely illuminating a multitude of rooms. "F-f-fucking hell, it's like ice in here...." I began slowly walking through the halls, feeling exceedingly nervous.

I took shuddering steps, deeper down the hall...until it finally opened up into an utterly MASSIVE ..."FORGE!? Where the fuck did THAT come from!?"

The Lunar Forge, a thing spoken of in hushed whispers even in fanfics dedicated to it. None could do it justice. Towering five stories tall, with massive funneling pipes drawing wind from the four corners of the globe and pumping molten magma from the very core of Equis, the massive forge was a work of ART! Simultaneously unnervingly dark, yet brightly lit by the blazing hot magma, yet kept almost icy cold by the unholy lunar flames of the furnace and the whipping power of the Four Winds. Magma was being magically stripped into its component parts, legendary metals like Arcanite, Magicite, Adamnatite, Mythril Silver, EinLanzium, Vibranium, gems of the most flawless form, all flowing in shimmering ingots from the magically-laced magma. And there, standing center-stage, her form shifted into a voluptuous humanoid, was none other than The Forge Mistress herself, The Princess of the Night, The Queen of War, Princess Luna Everfree vi Equestria! Clad not in her black royal regalia, but in a thick and durable leather smith's smock, hammering away at a new suit of armor forged of Mythril Silver, Arcanite, and EinLanzium, custom made for her elder sister.

I looked around. "Woah...." I looked behind myself, to see if the Princess was still chasing my in her 'training session'. Seeing myself safe for the moment, I made the slow, silent trek down, my footsteps muffled by the thunderous crash of Luna's hammer striking mystical metals.

Luna continued to hammer on the unformed metal not knowing of my presence. She wiped some sweat from her brow. "Golem, please hand me the Arcanite hammer..."

I watched as one of the dozens of mechanical golems brings Luna a hammer specially designed to work magical Arcanite.

Luna grabbed the hammer and hit the metal with incredible force.

I bounced a foot into the air from the intense force of the blow, stumbling down the rest of the stairs, face-first into a trough of oil used for quenching blades. "....ew."

Luna stopped hammering on the blade from the noise. "Golems, find whatever made that noise."

She watched as the Golems set out to find me. Ah, shit, I need to hide!

"May be another rat but I can't be too certain..." She muttered to herself

I pulled myself up, spitting out the hot oil. "Gross!" I groaned, before making an embarrassing 'eep' as one of the mechanical monstrosities lifted me up, carrying him to the buxom form of the Princess. “Um... hi?”

"AH! Knightmare, what are you doing in my workshop? Does my sister want her armor this soon?"

I twiddled my fingers. "She never mentioned...armor. She was chasing me and wanted me to run...so I ran here.... I was NOT expecting...THIS!"

"Oh good, it will take a little while longer for the mold to set," Luna turned around and placed the hammer on the table. "So what are you doing here?"

I looked around. "Your sister is doing her 'morning training'.....and apparently I'm 'it'.”

"Ah, my sister is one for 'morning training'." She looked to see me still being held by her Golems. "Golem, release Knightmare, please... Do tell me, how is she fairing in her training? I've been down here for a while." She rubbed some ash off of her face.

I gave off another eep, falling right to the ground. I lifted myself up and around, spotting a multitude of new-looking pieces...based off of my own designs and a wide array of video-game weapons. How did she get- right, mind-reading. "Uh....wow.. Oh, um, she....yeah, she's caught me once...and I think last I saw she'd thrown Barricade through a wall..."

"It's good that she is getting better." She turned around and saw me staring at her weapons, "You like them?"

I nodded dumbly. "...Is that...the Ultima Weapon?" I ask, pointing at a large, long broadsword that seemed to be made of glossy, clear crystal.

"Yes, this one," Luna grabbed the blade off of the row of weapons, "was a little tough getting the Magicite crystal right, but in the end, it turned out well. Would you like to hold it?"

I nodded, holding my hands out eagerly.

Luna handed me the weapon. "Be careful. I based that off a few earlier designs and took a few tries to get it right."

I lifted up the weapon, feeling the weight. Clearly a masterpiece, it feels perfect, easily used one-handed even by a weakling like me, yet with an edge sturdy enough to manage the forces of combat, and sharp enough to slice a falling leaf without moving.

"Go ahead take a swing at the dummy over there if you want.” Luna smiled toward me and pointed to a few dummies.

"Seriously? You want ME to test out THE ULTIMA WEAPON!?" HOLY SHIT, THIS IS BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!

Luna shrugged. "Sure. The only way to see if a weapon works is to give it a test run"

I grinned and took a probing poke at the dummy. It worked perfectly fine as a sword...but if it's made of Magicite..... "Huh...I wonder......" I began concentrating. ".....FIRE!" Only a few pitiful sparks popped out of the tip of the blade...

Luna looked back at to see what was happening. "What are you doing with the sword?" She grabbed the hammer and slowly pounded on a different piece of metal.

I blushed in embarrassment. "Sorry...I thought, y'know...'Magicite'....yeah, I was expecting magic and stuff..."

"You did it wrong," Luna smiled at me as she grabbed the sword and pointed it at one of her work Golems. "IGNUS!" The victim Golem ignited in a massive inferno. "Golem, put the other Golem out, please." The Golem did what was commanded and extinguished the burning Golem with a large bucket of water. Luna handed the sword back to me, “You need to empower the spell with your will. The language of magic, which you call 'Latin' tends to work best. Now you try. We are lucky that Griffin managed to recover the lost art.” That birdbrain discovered a lost magic language? Okay, whatever.

I blinked as I pointed the sword back at the dummy. "...Ignus?" I woke up five minutes later, staring at the smouldering crater that was once a training dummy. "...Note to self: NEVER use a magic-amplifying sword for spellcasting when indoors.”

"Knightmare, please make sure to put out the dummy after use," Luna told me. She looked back at the current work and hammered it down some more.

I coughed. "....what dummy?"

Luna looked back at me and the new crater in her workshop. "Not again, this is the 5th time this week!"

I blushed again. "Is that normal?"

Luna nodded. "Sadly, yes. Golems, repair the crater." The Golems began to fill the hole up. Luna grabbed herself a hammer that looked like a Gravity Hammer from Halo and walked over to the hole. "VIS!" She slammed the hammer onto the golem making a new flat ground.

I blinked in shock. "....Wow...."

"It happens a LOT." Luna put the hammer back on the rack. "Want to test more weapons or is there anything else you require?" She walked over to forge and placed some metal into water creating a hissing noise and steam.

I blinked. "Just...kinda curious about what you're making." I set the magical blade back where it belongs, far out of reach of anyone particularly dumb......Griffin included.

“Working on some armor and a new weapon." She grabbed the watered piece of metal and replaced it back in the forge. "My sister wishes for some armor for herself and the Elements of Harmony."

"Huh, really?" I looked around, and spotted six complete sets of armor, each one built around, and of the same material, as the Elements of Harmony. "Woah...." The armors were full-encompassing, almost Iron Man-esque armors, protecting every last inch of the wearer. "Talk about going all out."

“Better to protect everything then get stabbed where you didn't,” Luna reasoned.

I nodded. "Still, this much armor, it CAN'T be easy to move...." I tapped it and hear the tinkling of well-made gears, clearly designed to work in unison. "....you made powered armor......"

"Yes, what other kind of armor would I make?" Luna began to use a weird tool to shape a blade

I blinked, examining the strange tool, it looked like a quill pen, but rather than using ink, it cut lines in the white hot, semi-molten metal with ease. "Well...most armor only covers what it can, instead of, literally, EVERYWHERE.....where I came from, powered armor was purely fiction, the realms of Iron Man and the like."

"Did you have goddesses that could move the moon to make them?"

I blinked again. "...No. We had scientists that were making breakthroughs, but even then they didn't have a...power...source... Damn you, magic, and all of your limitless potential."

"Then there's your problem, the key thing for powered armor is power that can last." She hammered at the blade, giving it more dimensions.

I nodded. "Yeah, they'd developed a LOT of things that can make the armor more durable, more efficient, more comfortable, safer, but all of it was pointless when batteries took up most of the weight...." I grinned, entering 'nerd mode'. "As a matter of fact, if you used Myomer bundles in place of sprockets and gears, you'd probably be able to cut the already lightweight a dozen times over, all while increasing the strength of the armor. With Magicite serving as a generator, you wouldn't need an individual power source, and to top it all off, there's plenty of good spots to mount weapon systems on all of the armor designs....or, heck, maybe add artificial wings and horns for those lacking them!"

“Hmm... those are very good ideas, Knightmare. I'll make a prototype to see how it fairs and then maybe change the current one if it works." Luna grabbed another slab of metal and pushed it into the metal of the newly-formed blade before hammering at it.

I whistled lowly, watching Luna work near-molten metal with her bare hooves. "That....either hurts like hell or takes a LOT of balls."

"Much thicker skin than you think." Luna then put on a pair of gloves. "Now for the part where these are needed."

Luna grabbed the blade and put it in a large furnace.

I stepped back as the Princess tapped a pedal....and the might of the Four Winds smashed its way through the piping and into the furnace, where icy blue Lunar Hellfire rips and roars through the room, blasting up from the furnace with nuclear force, and yet the ONLY thing protecting Luna's hands are those...gloves... DAYUM! It's official, Luna's a badass.

"The metals lace together too, instead of mixing, fuse perfectly together,” Luna shouted over the roar of the flames. I watched in fascination at the view. She lifted her hoof off of the pedal and opened the furnace’s hatch. She grabbed the metal piece with tongs and brought it over to her workbench."Golem, please pass my hammer again." I stepped aside as one of the mechanical monstrosities handed Luna yet another hammer.

"Wow, so...whatcha building?" I asked.

"A sword." Luna hammered the blade into a much more clear shape.

I looked closer. "Hey....I recognize that design...." Luna hammered at a seemingly non-existent blade, forming light into a solid shape. Streaks of light danced up and down the blade like lightning. Occasionally I thought I was seeing a rainbow but the color was truly only white. Imagine a piece of glass underwater with light being shined from the surface and you’re looking at the bottom but instead of the wave reflecting the light, the glass itself is, turning it into an electric current. That’s what it looked like. The blade looked rather thin compared to the hilt and guard.

"Oh do you?" She smiled and continued hammering out the blade's form. She then began tweaking metals around a large purple amethyst, from-which the ‘blade of light’ was sprouting, weaving it into a more familiar form. The hilt took up a pale gray-green undertone, wrapped in golden bands. The guard was large, with a number of gold spines pointing up towards the point of the blade, with more pale gray-green spines in between in symmetry. The guard flared out about 4 inches on each side of the blade. The hilt and guard were almost a third of the whole sword. It was nearly flawless and shined brightly in the light of the lunar flames.

I blinked at the light....on the blade.....with an amethyst in the guard... "Oh my lord, is that....Is that the Sun Blade!?”

"Indeed, I was feeling creative today." Luna grabbed the blade and inspected all around it for any flaws. “I think I shall call her ‘Sol Invicta’, The Unconquerable Sun.” She put a few more touches on it, including a green emerald on the pommel.

I gulped. "Uh....please tell me you're not gonna test it on me...."

Luna looked down at me. "Don't be silly, Knightmare. I would never use a incomplete weapon on you."

I calmed down...then stiffened up at the possibly implied threat. "W-h-whaddya mean by that?!”

"Nothing at all..." Luna smiled, "Is there anything you still require, Knightmare? Actually, I do have a question. What happened to the Nightmare after you defeated her last night? I’m afraid I didn’t get a very accurate description of what happened. "

“Well....It kinda seemed like she got sucked up into my guitar after I brought it down on her horn.”

“What!? Show me please...”

I brought out my guitar from...somewhere and handed it to her. Or tried to. The moment she touched it there was a small zap and she pulled her hand back.

“Oh dear. Set it on my workbench please.”

I did so. She got out a number of magnifying glasses and weird metal rods and other things that I had zero clue to their purpose. She examined for a few minutes and frowned.

“Take it back. You should take heed. The Nightmare is indeed currently trapped in your guitar but be warned: seals do not last forever. It would not surprise me if she came out and tried to possess you or another. Keep an eye on it.”

She went back to her work. “Now, is there anything else you needed?”

“Just a quick escape.”

"And I have just the thing." Luna said, grinning happily, her grim mood gone. "Tell me, Sir Knightmare. Do you like....bananas?"

I should have walked away right then and there...no matter what the answer, I knew I'd go flying. Damn me and my mouth. She tossed me into the forge and used the exhaust to LAUNCH me right up through the top of the Canterhorn! Yes, that’s what it’s called. Far below me was Princess Celestia, having apparently given up on her 'game', hauling huge, half-ton anvils up the mountain in a wooden cart, for no better reason than weight lifting. Her trainer, Roid Rage/Horsepower/Snowflake/Big McLargeHooves/Tarzan/That really beefy pegasus, was running alongside her, hauling several halfton anvils as well....with a dumbell in his mouth.....

"Look out below!" I screamed, coming in for a crash landing. To my joy, amusement, and terror, Celestia leaped up to catch me, causing the two of us to fly back into her hauling cart.

Anvils...ever hit your head on one? It fucking HURTS! 26 of the fuckers...I counted, 26 half-ton anvils.13 tons of hardened steel. That's what Celestia considers her 'morning work out'.....

I think we can all agree pissing Celestia off is a BAD idea. Are we moving?

My mind clicked, my wings began buzzing, and it took all of five seconds to realize why.

"I forgot to hit the brakes," Celestia said, confirming my fears.

"Oh hell..." Music time!

GIMME FUEL! GIMME FIRE! GIMME THAT WHICH I DESIRE!
Turn on, I see red

We rocketed down the slope, flying off of the edge of the road, right over Canterlot!

Adrenaline crash and crack my head
Nitro junkie, paint me dead

The cart smashed into the side of a building, the axles breaking in half and getting wrapped around Celestia's legs.

And I see red
I run across through black and white

I was clinging to Celestia's back for dear life when we hit the roads, the velocity forcing the wheels to work as we careened through the streets of Canterlot.

War horse, war head, fuck 'em man
White knuckle tight
Through black and white
Oh, when I burn
Fuel is pumping engines
Burning hard, loose and clean
And then I burn
Turning my direction
Quench my thirst with gasoline
So gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme that which I desire

Celestia barely dodged a multitude of ponies and market stalls, but a poorly placed delivery truck served as a ramp, taking us skyward. And guess who's too panicked to realize she can fly!

Turn on beyond the bone
Swallow future, spit out hope
Burn your face upon the chrome

Yup, Princess Celestia...what? I'm playing music uncontrollably with my wings, do you seriously expect me to fly?

Take the corner, going to crash
Headlights (Head on), headlines
Another junkie, who lives too fast
Lives way too fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast
Oh, when I burn
Fuel is pumping engines
Burning hard, loose and clean
And then I burn
Turning my direction
Mix my blood with gasoline
So gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme that which I desire

We barely missed hitting Octavia and Vinyl Scratch, who wound up getting tangled in Celestia's mane, dragged along for the ride. Scooting along the walls of buildings recklessly, I heard the most beautiful sound.

Celestia laughing.

I fear I may have made her an adrenaline junkie.

Gimme fuel
Gimme fire
My desire
Oh, when I burn
Fuel is pumping engines
Burning hard, loose and clean
And on and on
Turning my direction
Mix my blood with gasoline
Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme that which I desire, oh

On I burn

We FINALLY came to a stop....by slamming into a rather durable stained glass window. The last thing I recall seeing while conscious was Aoi and Rainbow Dash talking in the Hero's Hall....then pretty much all four of us black out before we hit the ground.

Five stories below...

FNTK Chapter 14: Barfy Flu and Marty Stu

I can't believe you forgot such an important meeting! Why do you keep forgetting these things!?

I'm sorry Purple Smart! I can't help it!

Oh, don't you start with the Purple Smart stuff. I should have never told you about that dream with the draconequus.

And deny me the chance to make fun of your weird, erotic connections to words? Preposterous!

Ugh, just get on with it.

After waking up from my five story drop into Canterlot, I passed a hospital door on the way to the bathroom. I suddenly and inexplicably, doubled over and threw up, knocking me out of my mixed human-changeling form.

Great. Now why do I suddenly feel like shit? A nurse went off to get a janitor, which I thanked her for.

Taking a moment to control my insides, I looked at the door I was just passing. Every nerve in my changeling hide was telling me not to go in that room.

So I walked straight in without knocking. On the bed was some kind of freaky-ass snake dude and man was he giving off bad vibes. And bad smells. I almost threw up again, right then and there. He looked incredibly sick though.

“Ehhhh, what’s up doc?” Bugs Bunny, you never disappoint.

“Hruhh? Who’s there?” The thing asked. His stomach is gurgling. Eugh.

“Well, my name is Knightmare and you look like you got run over by a truck full of rotting pigs.”

“I wish I felt half that good, Knightmare. Marty Stu, and I’d shake your hoof, but I think I’d throw up on it.”

“I’d probably throw up too. How did you get saddled with a name like that? Do I need to worry about mares throwing themselves at you? Are the nurses going to come in and start ‘taking care’ of you? Cause either I want in or I need to jet.”

Kinghtmare!

What? That's what I said!

Why must you be such an insufferable perv?

Because you wouldn't have me any other way.

“It’s a title I took for myself a long time ago. As for them taking care of me, I’d prefer they wouldn’t, as it would most likely be lethal. Also judging by your statement, you are either human or have been in human society.” the snake-man kept his eyes closed and massaged his temples.

“Well shit. Then again, it wouldn’t be the first time I heard of death by snoo-snoo. So it’s not just changelings that get knocked silly from being near you? I take it you are human too? A piece, I’d wager. Well, we all are, if we’re here.” Bitch better be a brony. Bitches love bronies.

“Wait, you’re a changeling? You might want to leave. My mental defenses aren’t at their best, and I’ve been known to knock workers and soldiers on their asses by just being around them. Too much mental angst for them to handle and whatnot.” He finally opened his eyes, and took in

“ It’s true, I feel pretty terrible right now. But hey, I ain’t no ordinary changeling. From what I understand, I’m a ‘breeder’ changeling. Which means exactly what it sounds like. But you must be having a terrible day if you’re leaking that much sadness or angst or whatever.”

“I feel like crap, so yeah, I’d say I’m not having a good day. Also, I’m not leaking out that much more than normal. But to answer your question, I was a human, and I am a piece in this ill-thought venture by so-called gods.” Marty shut his eyes again, scrunching his face.

“Hey man, I don’t know about your god, but Celestia is great! I’d say she’s worthy of being called a god.” Jeez, this guy. Haters gonna hate!

“If I can kill it, I hesitate to call it a god. Celestia is a gracious mare and an excellent host, but in a fight I only give her a sixty percent chance of beating me when both of us are feeling good. Right now, a foal could probably take me.”

‘Those are fightin’, words buddy. But I don’t think I’d be able to take you right now anyway. Your angsty-ness is pretty sickening, literally.”

“I do not wish to offend, and Celestia knows that while I respect her position, her power, and her responsibilities, I do not respect her divinity. Luna does too, for that matter. I respect them a great deal more than most so-called gods, as they actually fulfill their responsibilities to those who worship them.”

“ I suppose.…. Who IS your god, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“The god who brought me in is the twin deity known as Oponn, who is a god of luck, both fortune and misfortune. They’re a couple of assholes.”

“If you don’t like them, why are you here?”

“Well, lets see. I was leading a resistance cell on a version of Terra, and then a sniper bullet went through the back of my head and out my throat. The two of them co-opted my pattern of where I pop up next. So I didn’t exactly get a choice in being their piece, but they know not to piss me off.”

“Wait, wait, wait, you’ve DIED before? What do you mean patterns? Am I dealing with undead snakes here?” Indiana Jones’s worst fear. Celestia help us all!

Marty laughed at this. “My body is quite alive. I get thrown into a world after each death, a new body waiting for me, all the equivalent of age twenty-two. I then stumble around that world until I die, either of natural causes or of ‘natural' causes.’”

“Damn. Sounds like it could be a lotta fun or a lotta suck.”

“A little from column A, and a lot from column B. I’ve participated in so many wars it’s not even close to funny. Some of them even in Equestria.” Marty winces at some memories.

“So there are other ones! Okie-day. One last question. Do you like bananas?” I wiggled my eyebrows. Might as well check while I’m here.

Marty is about to answer, and then he develops a thousand yard stare. “Not the bananas, not the bananas! Dear god, not the bananas, I don’t want to go to the moon, there’s no bananas…” He trails off, still muttering about bananas.

“.........Well, I’ll let you get back to your being sick as I need to piss and I don’t think I can hold up from spewing chunks for much longer. Good luck with the...um...bananas. That must have been a terrible Equestria.” So maybe a brony. Probably doesn't count if he's already been to other Equestria's though.

Marty nods his head and curls up, before exploding into motion, racing to the en-suite bathroom to empty his stomach into the toilet.

“Okaaaaaay, backing away slowly now…” I tip-toed out of the room and then quickly ran to the bathroom I was originally headed for, ignoring the nurse outside.

Once there, I emptied my lunch again, feeling immensely better as I shifted back to my hybrid form. Feeling ready for the day, I proceeded to Celestia's hospital room before going off to set up the second gala in as many days.

I felt bad for the snake-guy. He was going to miss out on one hell of a party.

Author's Note

So, not what I had originally intended to post for that promised chapter but as a result of a future cross with Keairan and his chessverse story A Marty Stu invades the Multiverse, I now have this previously missed meeting of Knightmare's

Huzzah.

I'll still try to have the other chapter out soon.

--Boots, Knight of Shenanigans

P.S. Brownie points if you know what draconequus I'm talking about.

FNTK Reborn Chapter 15: The Concert

Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever

Chapter 14: The Concert

After waking up in the infirmary from our fall and meeting Marty, the day had gone smoothly in setting up the concert. I sat with Luna and Celestia next to their thrones.

"So, since this is our last stop, I figure we could sing something a little more....... sophisticated," Griffin said to the crowd of ponies. Gilda whispered something in his ear, the response being in another whisper. Griffin then scanned the crowd, looking for-- “THERE! Knightmare, Princess Celestia, come on down!"

I blinked in confusion. "Whowhahuh?"

Aoi blew out a whistle in a tease. "This is your chance, Knightmare!"

"Yeah! You heard me! Get on down here!" The crowd murmured at what he’s suggesting, and Celestia facehoofed.

I looked to Celestia. "Should we?"

Celestia walked on stage, giving her subjects a beaming smile before casting Griffin a nervous glance. "What exactly is your plan?"

"Oh..... you'll see."

I started buzzing about, happy to be onstage. But still, just WHAT has this egomaniac of a griffin planned?

Griffin walked up to me and whispered in my ear, and I nodded as he tells me his plan. "Think you can get her to do it?" He asked.

I felt my lips slowly lift into a happy smile.

Celestia rolled her eyes, having overheard the conversation. "I'll do it, but you'll owe me for this."

"Oh come on, it'll be fun, Celly.” Celestia gave Griffin a look at the nickname.

"Wait a sec, did you just....... why is EVERYONE a mind reader?" Griffin demanded.

Celestia smirked. “Try not to think too hard about puberty."

I giggled. "Wait, who's gonna owe you? Me or Griffin?"

“You, Griffin, and that wolf currently laughing his ass off where he thinks I can't see him."

I blushed. "Anything for you, milady." Yep, as dorky as ever. At least when Celestia gives the order.

"I'll just call it paying you back for this morning,” Griffin said. "Ready? Gilda, Nadene, you ready?" The crew nodded their assent. Wait, where’s Trixie? "Here we go. Just pour your magic in that gem, and we'll handle the spells. Knight, your guitar? We won't be using the music spell, since Nadene knows how to play drums. Apparently, it's a tribal thing. And...... I'm on keyboard...." he finished dejectedly.

I spun my guitar happily, belting out a quick riff. Griffin sat down at the keyboard and Nadene started tapping her drumsticks together.

Griffin cleared his throat. "A one, two, one two three four!"

I rolled my eyes at Griffin and the Princess' attempts to silently bicker. "OK, so everyone's underestimating each other, what do we do now?"

Griffin scratched his chin. "Thank you Canterlot! That was your very own Princess Celestia singing 'Call Me'. So, for the NEXT song..... I'm thinking...... Prince Blueblood."

The crowd looked around till the pompous white unicorn was found, and a spotlight came to rest on him.

Blueblood became a tad nervous. “Who.... ME?”

“No, the white unicorn behind you!” I said teasingly, until I saw that there actually IS another white unicorn behind him. “Better yet, Fancypants! Why don't you join up, too?”

"Come on down you two, you're the next contestants on Equestrian Idol!" Griffin called. How he kept a straight face is a mystery, because I was about to crack up over there!

I snickered, fighting to keep a straight face. "Psst, Griff, Princess....this is gonna friggin' rock!"

Griffin joined the laughter. "Of course it is, it WAS my idea after all."

"Most nobles receive voice training at a young age, many of them sing at a professional level,” Celestia told us.

"That's kinda the point? Nobody wants to listen to bad singing," Griffin explained.

I snorted a bit before nodding. "Yep, if they sucked at singing I'd probably blast 'em off stage with my own music."

I..I don't think Griffin noticed me joining the dance...solely to humiliate Blueblood without him noticing. If he did, he never mentioned it.

"Well, there we have it. If Celestia, Blueblood, and Fancypants can stop being stuffy and unwind, then there's hope yet for the rest of you,” Griffin announced, barely containing his laughter. "Alright, alright....... whew........" He wiped a tear from his eye. "Pretty good guys, not bad at all. Let's seeeeeeee...... Knight, you wanna pick the next one?"

I grinned evilly and motioned for Griffin to come closer so that I could whisper in his ear."Uh huh. Uh huh. Ohh, that's good... do it."

I hopped up. "LUNA! Come on down! It's yoooouuuuurrrrrr tuuuuurrrrnnnnn!!!!" The opening riff of 'Fantasmic' began playing, caused by the buzzing of my wings.

“Ooooh no,” Luna retorted. “I am NOT going down there.....”

Griffin got a maniacal look in his eye. "Do I need to come up and get you?"

I laughed a little bit. "The Mistress of the Lunar Forge is afraid of a lil' music? Oh, this is RICH!"

Celestia whispered to Griffin, "Leave this one to me." She turns back to her sister in the crowd. "Oh, Woooooooooooooooonaaaaaa~... If you don't come down I'm going to have to-" Celestia got cut off when Luna tackled her at near Mach speeds.

Luna zoomed off her balcony from the efforts of her older sister, nearly faceplanting on the stage before being caught and stabilized by Gilda.

"Glad you could make it, Woona," Griffin said intentionally into the microphone, causing a peal of laughter to come from the crowd as the midnight blue pony turned red with blush.

I gave Luna a nice huggle. "Dun' worry, Woona, ish an ad'awwable name!"

"Remove thine appendages from mine neck! I will not be made a part of this foolishness!" Luna demanded.

I quickly zipped behind Celestia. "I've seen what she can do, first hand...."

"Oh yes you will, or do I need to tell everyone about your abacus?" Griffin taunted. Luna’s eyes turn to pinpricks.

"You wouldn't dare......"

"All of Canterlot knowing about little Abbey,” Griffin continued.

I joined in on the taunting as well. "Oh! I heard you singing lil' Abbey to sleep last night! Why else would I want you to join! You're a BEAUTIFUL singer!" A DAMN good singer.

Luna grumbled, "FINE."

As Luna sung, Griffin headed backstage to sit for a while.

For the hell of it, I played an unexpected riff as the song came to an end, patting Luna on the back. "That wasn't so bad, now was it, Princess?"

Griffin walked back out on stage. "See Luna? It's not so bad. As if ponies are honestly going to boo their princess."

"The trolling griffin is correct, dear sister,” Celestia complimented. “Your singing is quite good."

“Well, I admit that it was...... fun," Luna replied.

Griffin fired a wink at me, since we're both thinking the same thing.

I chuckled and winked back, my face asking silently, 'Wanna make a literal shout out?'

Griffin tilted his head. ‘To who?’

I nodded to Luna. So far the conversation has taken barely a tenth of a second.

Griffin nodded back before me and him both shouted, "THE FUN HAS BEEN DOUBLED!"

The timing was almost PERFECT, the infamous line being heard perfectly by everypony. Most of the ponies looked around in confusion, while Luna face-hoofed.

I laughed a bit. "Anyone from Ponyville ought to remember THAT line!"

I watched, however, as the Mane Six, Lyra, Bonbon, and several other Ponyville natives began giggling happily.

"Alright, well, you've all had your fun, so.... get off my stage,” Griffin barked at me and the Princesses. “Go on, you heard me. Back to the audience with you."

I gave a hug to both Celestia and Luna. "Shall we, ladies?"

"Not you, Knight, you're staying up here for the rest of the show."

I stopped in my tracks, "Whojibebewhadda?"

"You heard me."

I gave a low bow to the Princesses and walked back onto the stage, prepared for ANYTHING this crazy cat-bird flipper baby might try to pull.....

"So, Knight, you know Lonely Boy by the Black Keys?" Griffin asked me.

I blinked and frowned at the question. "Heard of it, never actually listened to it."

Griffin looked at me in disdain. "Seriously?”

I frowned even more. "I'm willing to bet you've never heard of Sabaton, either."

"Different tastes I suppose........"

I nodded. "Yeah, pretty much. Then again, there's some classics no one can top."

"Hmm, I wonder if.....would that work? Hold still for a second, I'm gonna try something... Don't give me that look, it isn't dangerous.... at least I think it isn't..........Memoria a Musica."

I gave a short smile as the song comes on in my head.

I began playing the guitar of the song flawlessly.

"Gilda, you mind taking keyboard?” Griffin asked his mate. “I'm going on the mic."

"Sure," Gilda responded as she got behind the keyboard.

"Knight, you're gonna sing the chorus with me, got it?"

I nodded. "Rock on, dude."

I raised both arms, making 'The Horns' with both hands, basking in the roar of the crowd.

"Griffin...THIS....is what I LIVE for!" I could literally feel their love flow into me, freely given, no impediments whatsoever. I whistled loudly to stop the cheering. "EVERYPONY! MAY I PLEASE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION!?"

"Um..... MY show?” Griffin took control of the board. "YO! PONIES! SHUT UP AND LISTEN!"

I waited patiently for the roar of the crowd to die down before I grabbing the mic. "Now, it has come to my attention that some of our esteemed nobility disliked our little...incident at the Gala... Griffin, would you like to do the honors?"

"I'm not apologizing......”

I rolled my eyes at the griffin’s unenthusiasm. "Fine then, allow ME to apologize for the trouble we've caused..." I grinned and began buzzing a familiar tune...

"SORRY FOR PARTY ROCKIN’!"

Celestia mimicked Griffin's voice perfectly without moving her lips. "I'd like to sincerely apologize for any and all transgressions on my fault for I am a dodo and did not know better."

"HEY! I did NOT say that."

Celestia continued mimicking Griffin. "Yes I did."

I went full 'Show Stealer' mode and hip-bumped Griffin offstage, watching him bodysurf across the crowd as they rock out to the song. Griffin just laid back, content to crowd surf.

I finished the song, leaning against Celestia, who's leaning against me, having joined the song halfway through. We began laughing, with my gigglefit powerful enough to send me toppling over.

"Meh, I guess it's alright."

“Ah, screw it. Here I come!" Gilda dived off the stage, followed by a giggling Nadene

I shot a grin at Celestia. "Shall we join, milady?'

"And now we make our escape. Celestia, you will forever remember this as the day you ALMOST caught Captain Griffin North!" The creature in question hollered.

I gave chase, hopping into the crowd without a worry alongside Lyra and Bonbon, who had also remained onstage after joining. At some point. I keep missing all these ponies just appearing. I hopped off of the crowd, chasing down the fleeing Griffin and his crew.

"Quick, let's get out of here!" They began flying and making a beeline towards the Possibility, still moored at the tower by the under-repair gala building.

I buzzed my wings and gained a lot of lift in my jumps as I hopped high and fast to keep up with Griff's crew.

"Going somewhere?" Celestia called as she teleported upon Griffin’s ship. Griffin's crew that stayed was spread around deck, wrapped and gagged tightly in her magic.

I landed and slid unexpectedly, tripping over Griffin and landing right in front of Celestia, "I...almost had 'em, Princess..."

Griffin let out a sigh. “Right, you can teleport...... Well, let's get this whole 'you murdering me' thing done and over with."

I sat up straight and said "That...was kinda fun."

Celestia horn flashed and turned Griffin bright pink. "Easy enough."

I blinked a few times........"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Only the manliest of men are not afraid to wear pink in public," Griffin said nonchalantly. "You’ll have to do better than that if you want to break me."

Celestia stood up and walked around the pink griffin, running an appraising eye over his new color. "There's a certain ceremony you will be attending tomorrow morning, no excuses."

I chuckled, turning into Pinkie Pie....Cupcakes version, "Oh, we have WAYS of making you TALK....er, cooperate!”

"Knight, you didn't say it with v's for w's, and now it's totally been ruined," Griffin admonished.

“Okay, then, ve have VAYS of making you TOCK!"

"Too late, the moment has passed, but fine, whatever, I'll be there. I assume there's something else you wanted to talk to me about?" The griffin asked Celestia.

Celestia's expression turned serious, but her eyes were filled with pity. "There is. I'm sorry."

Griffin turned to us and said "Hey guys, I'll be fine. Mind bailing for a bit?"

I blinked, going silent before finally speaking again. "Uh...Gilda...cute cat lady....I think it's best we give 'em time alone..."

"Yeah, go on, get some sleep, I'll be fine....." Griffin trailed off.

I shifted from Cupcakes-Pinkie mode back to my original changeling form and walked out the door, followed by Griffin's crew. “Later, dude, Goodnight, my Princess.” They learned, later, that we heard everything they said. Hate as a power and an all-consuming darkness. I then and there vowed to do my damnedest to keep Griffin from killing himself. And to make sure that, if she were ever in that situation again, I'd be her Knight in shining armor....

FNTK Reborn Chapter 16: The Knighting Ceremony

Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever

Chapter 15: the Knighting Ceremony

“Noooooo need to panic.” I told myself, “It’s only me being KNIGHTED by Celestia AND given a gift by Luna for helping stop the Nightmare after my best day ever was TORN TO SHREDS in the most literal manner possible......”

I kept walking, doing my best to calm myself down. It’s really confusing being elated, scared, and pissed all at once, doncha know? Regardless, I was getting ready to turn a corner when.....oh fuck.

“Hi there, I’ve been waiting for you.” said the dragoness, her back leaning against the wall.

“You...but....but....ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff-” To say I was pissed at meeting the same damnable draogness that DESTROYED the Gala and SET THE NIGHTMARE FREE was an understatement of epic proportions.

“WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!?” I screamed, shifting into my 9-ball form, going from barely hip-height to standing a head taller and twice as wide as the wingless reptile.

“I’m a guest here.” she said, pushing off of the wall and standing straight up, turning to face the livid changeling.

“A GUEST!?” I snarled, “A GUEST!? YOU ARE A GUEST NOW!? GUESTS DON’T GO BEATING THE HOST INTO A BLOODY PULP! NOR DO THEY UNLEASH ANCIENT EVIL DEMONS TO RUN AMOK! NOR DO THEY GO THREATENING OTHER GUESTS!”

“Do you even know why I beat Luna to a bloody pulp? Oh, and if you are wondering, I did fix her up afterwards, not a scratch on her. Damn well took a lot of strength to do that.” she muttered, crossing her arms.

I didn’t bother listening further, there was no way in HELL I’d be able to keep calm around this gal. I had to literally force myself to turn around and walk away, before I did something we both regretted. Like, say, punching her. No idea if she might have some kind of counter attack spell and I don’t feel like getting in trouble for any suspiciously dragon-shaped holes in the walls....

And yet, once I had turned around, the same goddamn FUCKING DRAGON was standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

“Excuse me, ummmm, Knightmare was it, but you might not want to try and run or forget about someone who can move faster than wind, just saying.” She said, a smug little smile on her GODDAMN LIPS!

“I’ll give you two seconds to leave me alone before I throw you through a wall. I’m a LOT stronger than you think, little miss Mary Sue.”

She uncrossed her arms and tapped her head slightly. “Two things, one, I have a weakness, and it actually is pretty damn big, and two, I’m not moving and I already know you could probably throw me through a wall. Thing is, unlike the ‘Lunar Legend’, that doesn’t kill me or hurt too much.” She grinned widely. “Come on.”

“Don’t care if it hurts, I just want you outta my way. I’ve had a LONG day and I don’t feel like dealing with a smug-ass egomaniac right now....why do you think I’m avoiding Griffin?”

Next thing I knew I felt a claw choking me, my head slammed into a wall. The dragoness was pinning me with one of her hands, and her eyes had changed, seeming to be both purple and crimson at once. “I’m not going to go into many details, but I am not an egomaniac. Luna stole the life I hated, only to deliver me to a living hell. I’ve lost more here than I believe you have, mister ‘Happy-Go-Lucky’, and Griffin can go fuck himself for all I care, he’s an asshole and I can’t wait for the day someone takes him down a peg or two.” She then stepped back from the wall, her claw relinquishing it’s grip from my throat.

“Honestly....” I said, “I don’t know what I lost....my only memories of earth are working for an organisation called ‘The SCP foundation’ and meeting Celestia. I’ve had most of my memories taken from me. I don’t know if I lived a good life, wasted it away, or went through hell and back. I don’t KNOW what my life was like outside of working for a bunch of murderous lunatics who think that being smart gives them free reign to control the world from behind the scenes. I’ve been working on recovering my memories. So, yeah. As far as I know, maybe you have lost more than me. I don’t know, nor do I care, I’ve been here for less than a week and already I’ve been nearly killed FIVE TIMES, raped once, and had to rebuild a town that was destroyed by someone who wanted to kill me....So, yeah. You aren’t the only one having a shitty time here in Equestria.”

She looked away from me, good, at least she feels some goddamn pain, then started to whisper back, sobs hidden under her voice, “I’ve lost my father and my brother, my sister is the only person I have left, and the FUCKER” and here she punched the wall next to her, turning it into fine powder, “That killed my father is still walking free! Hell, he’s a goddamn hero in everyones opinion!”

“I know how you feel...” I sat down, curling my tail around my legs, looking less like a wild beast and more like a scared kitten. “When I heard of the mighty ‘Griffin the Griffin’, I was expecting some kind of awesome badass hero.... What I got was a depraved nutcase who talks up and down about how he was bullied and how he hates them....but that’s exactly what he is...a bully, a tormentor. He just doesn't care about anyone he’s not close too. Even then, he still treats his ‘friends’ as nothing but tools to use....”

She stopped for a second before turning to me, bloody tears running down her face. “It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who sees him for what he truly is.”

“...we need more heroes, Ember. If Griffin’s the best we’ve got...then it’s up to those of us who can see beyond the glory and glamor to take up the job....I don’t know about you but...I’m not gonna let that bastard hog all of his unearned glory...” I stood up, shifting back to my normal form. “I’ve got to get to a knighting ceremony...Knowing Griffin, he’ll probably ditch it just to be a dick. Care to join me?”

She wiped her eyes and turned to him, smiling slightly. “Only if I get to be the understudy.”

I grin. “I....have no idea what you’re talking about...no, literally, I’m missing all but a few years of an eighty year life, I have NEVER been to a knighting ceremony before.”

She chuckled at that. “It’s actually not that common. What I was referring to was acting, and moreover my desire to stay in the background. A changeling is one thing, a dragon? That’s stretching it.”

“If Loony’s OK with you, then I think I can handle it. Just...don’t break anything. And you hurt Celestia, and I break YOU. got it?”

“I only hurt people who either shatter my world, or threaten to do so, so Celestia is safe.” She said, then extended her hand. “The name’s Ember.”

“I learned that much from Ritz.” I said, “The name’s Knightmare.” I took her hand and gave it a light shake. “Truce?”

“Truce.”

*****

“OK!” I said, still a tad nervous. “Shall we begin?” The Mane six were already in the grand hall, most of them sitting rather nervously. Apparently, I’m not the only one having..issues. I nodded to Ember as the black dragoness took a seat near the back. Swallowing my fear, I stepped forward, meeting up with the girls. Aoi and Griffin followed suit, taking up positions beside one another....

“Anyone else nervous?” I asked, gaining nods from the Mane Six, but nothing from Aoi or Griffin. Soon, Celestia and Luna arrived, looking as regal as usual.

Celestia looked towards us. “Are we all ready for the ceremony?” A chorus of affirmatives came along from everyone, except Aoi and griffin....wow. Well, apparently the seven of us was sufficient. “If there are no objections then we may proceed with the ceremony.” She gave a gentle smile to the entire group. No objections were given by me, any of the mane 6 or Aoi and Griffin.

“Good, we can begin the ceremony.” Celestia walked up to her place in the grand hall and cleared her throat.

“Citizens of Equestria, today is a day where we celebrate the victory of ten heroes. These heroes created much amusement during the Gala. Whether it be chasing my sister through the grand hall or singing songs unheard of within the borders of Equestria. Throughout the entire night they had amplified the value of friendship that we all hold so dear to our hearts and shown us that it can be expressed in a multitude of ways.” Celestia paused and takes a breath.

“I truly wish that creating fun and joy were the only reasons that we were currently having this ceremony however it is not. During the Gala many... interesting events had taken place that I wish had not. The royal archive had been destroyed. Many creatures from the zoo escaped. The palace was reduced from its once great stature to rubble and trashed filled towers and halls. The worse of all the terrors that occurred that night was that Nightmare Moon in her spiritual form corrupted and overtook one of my little ponies.”

Celestia took another breath. “But these heroes! These nine mighty heroes fought back the beasts from the zoo. They fought back the Nightmare and forced her out of the poor pony. While our heroes slept after their difficult fight our former enemies, The changelings helped clean up the rubble and the trash created from the mayhem. They put out the fires of the archive. Truly that shows there is always hope. So now I ask you all, every pony and changeling that may be within my reach to give respect to these heroes as I make them Knights of Equestria.”

“Did she just say what I think she said?” I asked Twilight.

“Yes, now hush!” The mare responded, both of us turning back to Celestia’s smiling face.

“Shall we begin?” The sun-princess asked, stepping forward.

“Twilight Sparkle.” Twilight knelt down before Celestia. “For your qualities of leadership, and your immense magical prowess, I bestow upon you the Knightly Title of ‘Archmagus’.” She tapped both of Twilight’s shoulders with her horn. “Now rise, Archmagus Twilight Sparkle, Vice Reign of Ponyville.”

“Vice Reign Twilight.” Princess Luna spoke, stepping forward with nine parcels in her magical grasp. “Your knowledge of magic is commendable, but your skill on the offensive is frail. For that I bestow upon you this weapon for your protection.” She unwrapped one of them, revealing a violet staff with a beautiful gemstone at the peak, carved in the shape of a hammer’s head. “With this, the Mace of Zeus, you may channel your magic into a strike of lightning to stun your foes before they can harm you or your friends.”

Twilight took the weapon in her magical grasp, gulping down her anxiety and bowing before the princesses. She kept the weapon next to her, holding it proudly.

“Applejack.” she, too, knelt. “For your undying desire for truth and justice, I bestow upon you the Knightly Title of ‘Justicar’.” As before, she tapped both of Applejack’s shoulders with her horn. “Now Rise, Baroness Applejack the Justicar of Sweet Apple Acres.”

Applejack stood proud, seeing Luna before her, bearing another gift.

“Fair Applejack. Your bravery is commendable, but even then, bravery is simply not enough to fight evil with. And for that I grant thee this.” A wrapping dropped, revealing a polished blue broadsword almost as large as Griffin’s blade, Hades. “This Ultima Blade will follow the motion of your thoughts, controlled by your will. And with a thought, it can shift into that of a longbow, allowing you to protect the innocent up close, or at a safe distance.” Applejacka accepted the blade with a graceful bow, holding an honest smile on her face.

“Rarity.” The alabaster unicorn knelt down. “for your unending generosity, and your bravery in the face of danger, I bestow upon you the title of ‘FlameHeart’.” She tapped Rarity’s shoulders. “Now Rise, Duchess Rarity FlameHeart.” Rarity had to almost literally restrain herself from her own glee as Luna stepped forward.

“Rarity, though you show no fear in the face of danger, even a lady as fair and beautiful as yourself must be ready to fight when the chips are down. And for that I gift you with this.” she unwrapped the third parcel, revealing a whip with a glowing red lash. “This is the Flame Bute. A flash of fire, tamed by powerful magics. With it you may show your enemies the fire inside you in a manner they cannot ignore.” Rarity bowed graciously, wrapping the whip around her waist gently, feeling the warmth travel through her body.

“Fluttershy.” The yellow pegasus made an adorable squeak before kneeling. “Your kindness knows no bounds, and even in the face of terrifying beasts it hasn’t wavered. Even in the face of a full grown dragon, your greatest fear, you stood your ground in kindness. For that I bestow you with the title of ‘DragonHeart’.” The tapping of the shoulders again. “Now Rise, Dame Fluttershy DragonHeart.”

“Dame Fluttershy.” Luna said, stepping forward again, with another package. “Though you are brave, and your vow of non-violence admirable, combat will be inevitable in the coming battles. For this I bestow thee with a weapon that you can rely upon without fear.” She unwrappws the package, revealing an innocent-looking ornate bell. “This is the Gaia Bell. All animals that hear its tone will come to the aid of its bringer, to defend them at any cost. Keep it close, and keep it safe.” Fluttershy bowed low and scooted herself back into the line.

“Rainbow Dash.” The multicolored pegasus stepped forward with a grin. “Your loyalty knows no bounds, and you fear no battle. you have shown admiral grace under pressure and have managed to use a technique thought lost for forty millenia. For that I bestow upon you the title of Lightbreaker.” She tapped RD’s shoulders. “Now rise, Dame Rainbow Dash the Lightbreaker.”

“Dame Dash.” Luna stepped forward, bearing another gift. “Your willingness to fight may be necessary in the coming battles, but bravery and a will for battle can only go so far. Thusly I bequeath these blades.” She reveals a pair of wing-mounted swords attached by chains. “These were designed after the Blades of Chaos wielded by Lady Firefly during the Great War. Like then, I feel they will be a great asset for you in the coming battles.” The hyper pegasus squeed gently, immediately attaching the blades to her wings and testing her mobility.

“Pinkamena Diane Pie.” Pinkie stepped forward and bowed low, looking nervous at the use of her full name. “You show fear to no being, from the evils of Discord, to the dreadful Nightmare Moon, not even Chrysalis’ elite warriors could bring you dread. You have managed to bring enemies crashing down, all while bringing a smile to the faces of all you see. And for that I bestor the knightly title of ‘JoyBringer’.” She tapped Pinkie’s shoulders gently. “Now rise, Dame Pinkamena, The Joybringer.”

“Lady Pie.” Luna said, “Though you fear no pony or monster, even a bravery as unwavering as yours must be ready to fight against immense odds. For that I bear you this gift.” she unwrapped the sixth parcel, revealing a bright pink hammer-axe, shimmering lightly with it’s candy-like design. “This is the Earthsplitter. With a single strike you can make the earth itself tremble beneath your hooves.” She handed Pinkie the weapon, who took it with a solemn salute.

“Knightmare.” My turn to bow. Still friggin’ nervous. “In your short while that you have been part of Equestria, you have managed to nearly destroy a town by defending yourself, then dedicated your time you could have spent adventuring to rebuilding it entirely alone. You have come to this Gala and brought joy to us, and even in the face of danger you refused to abandon us to our fates. You not only fought against The Nightmare, but even forcibly imprisoned her within your guitar, knowing the risk you put yourself at, and not once have you ever asked for more compensation than mere kindness. For this I bestow upon you the title of Paladin DemonBane.” She tapped my shoulders gently. “Now Rise, Sir Knightmare DemonBane, Paladin of the Sun.”

I smiled happily, fighting to hold back my desire to jump for joy, even as Luna stepped forward.

“Sir Knightmare.” She began, pulling forward a long package. “Is it not true that, in your world, Paladins could wield holy magicks?” I raised a brow, noticing Luna wearing her best trolling grin, then nodded slowly. “Well, your physical might is...sufficient, but your magicks are sorely lacking. And for that I bestow this.” She opened the package, revealing a polished wooden stave studded with seven gems, each the color of the rainbow, carved in an eldritch shape from a sturdy dark wood. The staff glowed with it’s own light, the glow growing brighter as it came closer, multicolored bolts of lightning arcing between the gems as it came closer to my guitar. “This is Twinkle, the Spark of Magic. A special staff that will allow you to show your true potential as a mage in times of desperation. Keep it close, and let it help you become stronger in the ways of magic.”

I accepted the weapon with a bow and stepped back into line, waiting for the next to be called.

“Griffin North.” Celestia began, “Though you have proven yourself time and again to be a troublemaker, each time you have managed to prove yourself a hero, and this time is no different. For your brave defence of the city of Canterlot I now bestow upon you the title of Lord-Captain.” She stepped forward, waiting for him to kneel....he wasn’t not moving. She raised a brow and shrugs, tapping his shoulders anyway....and her horn passed right through. “....what?”

I blinked and step over to poke Griffin, and my hand passed through with ease. Rainbow poked Aoi, garnering the same non-existant reaction. Stepping back we looked at Celestia, who had turned beet red and literally had steam coming from her ears.

“HIT THE DECK!” Is the only warning that Luna was able to give before....

“GRIFFIIIIIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Note to self, don’t piss off Celestia....” I whispered, watching the two shadow-illusions dissipate from the force of her shout. Luna sighed and placed the last two gifts away, apparently unable to give them to their rightful owners.

“Wait, Princess! I have an idea!” Twilight said, looking kinda...twitchy...

“I’m listening...” Celestia said, her toneless voice sending a chill down my spine.

“Well, why not prank him back? Something that will get right under his skin?”

“Like fleas?” I replied, blurting it out.

“Close, but not quite. Though we’ll need your help for it, Knightmare.”

“Piss off Griffin? I’m in!”

“OK, so here’s the plan!” Twilight said, we all leaned in conspiratorially. Once we were done, Celestia asked a few reporters to take photos on Twi’s signal. I stood, bowed, and took the form of Griffin.

“Now Rise, Lord-Captain Griffin North!” Celestia said, tapping ‘Griffins’ shoulder. Right on cue, several cameras flashed.

“I now proclaim Princess celestia as Best Pony!” I said, managing to mimic Griffin’s voice perfectly. Only Grif himself would know the difference. With a nice laugh, we opted to leave the coronation after Celestia marked a royal decree, making griffin and Aoi both ‘Knights of Equestria’, under the titles of ‘Lord-captain’ and ‘Windclaw’ respectively. They’re gonna take their honors whether they like it or not!

“...Anyone wanna head to Donut Joe’s?” Rainbow said, seeming quite happy about her new toys.

“Sounds like a plan!” Celestia replied, “He has an exquisite wine selection available for late-night customers. I think he’ll let us crack one open early if we ask nicely.”

“Eat donuts and get drunk? Sounds like a plan!” And with that, we set off for what’s probably the best donut shop in the multiverse. G’night everypony!

[Knightmare’s New Gear!]

“Harmony borne from wars endless rage, a shaft of holy light will be borne to the warrior in the shadows with the blessing of the Holy Seven” - Excerpt from ‘The Book of Blades - A guide to mystical weapons of Ancient Equestria’.

Created in tandem with the Blades of Sun and Moon, this staff, known as ‘Twinkle’, is a powerful ‘Magical Amplifier’ intended to allow a magically weak warrior to be capable of using magic in an effective and efficient manner. However this comes at a cost as it draws from the user’s life force to ‘breach’ their mana reserves, granting them full control over their own spellcasting power.

Appearance: Approximately five feet tall, Twinkle is made from Baobab wood, a magically strong wood that is immensely flexible and almost entirely unbreakable. It has a dark purple coloration and a jagged appearance, with six crystal nodes protruding from the crook of the staff and a seventh crystal resting within the crook, floating as if permanently levitating. Each of the crystals matches up with the magical gemstones used in the forging of the Elements of Harmony.

Special Effects: Overclock, Magic Missile, Metatron

Overclock: The user may activate this ability once every day. For one minute the user gains full access to their mana reserves. This allows someone unable to fully access their spellcasting ability to match power with some of the strongest spellcasters alive. However afterwards they suffer from an extreme, almost debilitating case of adrenaline fatigue and will be incapable of continuing combat.

Magic Missile: A powerful spell that can be cast safely without having to activate Overclock. The spell sends out five bolts of energy that will track and chase the intended target. They will not stop until the target is struck and will not miss unless a solid object is placed in their path.

Metatron: The user's voice is spread far and wide, the distance relative to the force behind the voice. Anything said is instantly translated into any language the caster knows.

D&D Stats: +2 Amplified Darkwood/Adamantine Quarterstaff of Thaumaturgic Might

Author's Note

OK, I didn't menton it but I AM uploading and publishing this one final chapter before making the hiatus official, mainly beause I wanted to get it made once and for all.

So, yeah, with this, FNTK is officially on hiatus for the forseeable future.

FNTK Reborn Chapter 17: Skipping the old stuff

OK...so...how should we continue?

Well, Knightmare, you’ve already written your version of events for the Gala, why don’t we just pick up where that left off?

I thought you wanted the facts?

You also gave me access to overhaul your original works. I’ll handle editing in the missing pieces later on.

….Oh. OK. Well, guess that means we’re jumping on ahead....now where did that leave off?

Well, Princess Celestia had just dropped a bit of a bombshell about her past, and you promised her that you’d be her ‘Knight in Shining Armor’ that she never got before. The Concert had just come to an end and, in general, a huge mess of everything imaginable had come crashing down. You joined a new Chess Piece in a song, Nyx had taken control for the first time, and Chrysalis had shown what she was capable of in combat when she wasn’t trying to take her targets alive.

That...is a LOT of stuff.

Well, most of what I just said were things that happened, but that you hadn’t added to your original memoirs.

True, I did have a bad tendency to skip over details, often important ones, like ChryssiePie’s badflankery...

...yeah. OK, so, I believe that we’ll be picking up on the day of the Knighting ceremony gone wrong?

Yup! I remember it like it was yesterday....Cue flashback effects, please!

Just...Just start talking.

Fine, killjoy.

*****

“Noooooo need to panic.” I told myself, “It’s only me being KNIGHTED by Celestia AND given a gift by Luna for helping stop the Nightmare after my best day ever was TORN TO SHREDS in the most literal manner possible......”

I kept walking, doing my best to calm myself down. It’s really confusing being elated, scared, and pissed all at once, doncha know? Regardless, I was getting ready to turn a corner when.....oh fuck.

“Hi there, I’ve been waiting for you.” said the dragoness, her back leaning against the wall.

“You...but....but....ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff-” To say I was pissed at meeting the same damnable draogness that DESTROYED the Gala and SET THE NIGHTMARE FREE was an understatement of epic proportions.

“WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!?” I screamed, shifting into my felinoid beast form, going from barely hip-height to standing a head taller and twice as wide as the wingless reptile.

“I’m a guest here.” she said, pushing off of the wall and standing straight up, turning to face the livid changeling.

“A GUEST!?” I snarled, “A GUEST!? YOU ARE A GUEST NOW!? GUESTS DON’T GO BEATING THE HOST INTO A BLOODY PULP! NOR DO THEY UNLEASH ANCIENT EVIL DEMONS TO RUN AMOK! NOR DO THEY GO THREATENING OTHER GUESTS!”

“Do you even know why I beat Luna to a bloody pulp? Oh, and if you are wondering, I did fix her up afterwards, not a scratch on her. Damn well took a lot of strength to do that.” she muttered, crossing her arms.

I didn’t bother listening further, there was no way in HELL I’d be able to keep calm around this gal. I had to literally force myself to turn around and walk away, before I did something we both regretted. Like, say, punching her. No idea if she might have some kind of counter attack spell and I don’t feel like getting in trouble for any suspiciously dragon-shaped holes in the walls....

And yet, once I had turned around, the same goddamn FUCKING DRAGON was standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

“Excuse me, ummmm, Knightmare was it, but you might not want to try and run or forget about someone who can move faster than wind, just saying.” She said, a smug little smile on her GODDAMN LIPS!

“I’ll give you two seconds to leave me alone before I throw you through a wall. I’m a LOT stronger than you think, little miss Mary Sue.”

She uncrossed her arms and tapped her head slightly. “Two things, one, I have a weakness, and it actually is pretty damn big, and two, I’m not moving and I already know you could probably throw me through a wall. Thing is, unlike the ‘Lunar Legend’, that doesn’t kill me or hurt too much.” She grinned widely. “Come on.”

“Don’t care if it hurts, I just want you outta my way. I’ve had a LONG day and I don’t feel like dealing with a smug-ass egomaniac right now....why do you think I’m avoiding Griffin?”

Next thing I knew I felt a claw choking me, my head slammed into a wall. The dragoness was pinning me with one of her hands, and her eyes had changed, seeming to be both purple and crimson at once. “I’m not going to go into many details, but I am not an egomaniac. Luna stole the life I hated, only to deliver me to a living hell. I’ve lost more here than I believe you have, mister ‘Happy-Go-Lucky’, and Griffin can go fuck himself for all I care, he’s an asshole and I can’t wait for the day someone takes him down a peg or two.” She then stepped back from the wall, her claw relinquishing it’s grip from my throat.

“Honestly....” I said, “I don’t know what I lost....my only memories of earth are working for an organisation called ‘The SCP foundation’ and meeting Celestia. I’ve had most of my memories taken from me. I don’t know if I lived a good life, wasted it away, or went through hell and back. I don’t KNOW what my life was like outside of working for a bunch of murderous lunatics who think that being smart gives them free reign to control the world from behind the scenes. I’ve been working on recovering my memories. So, yeah. As far as I know, maybe you have lost more than me. I don’t know, nor do I care, I’ve been here for less than a week and already I’ve been nearly killed FIVE TIMES, raped once, and had to rebuild a town that was destroyed by someone who wanted to kill me....So, yeah. You aren’t the only one having a shitty time here in Equestria.”

She looked away from me, good, at least she feels some goddamn pain, then started to whisper back, sobbs hidden under her voice, “I’ve lost my father and my brother, my sister is the only person I have left, and the FUCKER” and here she punched the wall next to her, turning it into fine powder, “That killed my father is still walking free! Hell, he’s a goddamn hero in everyones opinion!”

“I know how you feel...” I sat down, curling my tail around my legs, looking less like a wild beast and more like a scared kitten. “When I heard of the mighty ‘Griffin the Griffin’, I was expecting some kind of awesome badass hero.... What I got was a depraved nutcase who talks up and down about how he was bullied and how he hates them....but that’s exactly what he is...a bully, a tormentor. He just doesn't care about anyone he’s not close too. Even then, he still treats his ‘friends’ as nothing but tools to use....”

She stopped for a second before turning to me, bloody tears running down her face. “It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who sees him for what he truly is.”

“...we need more heroes, Ember. If Griffin’s the best we’ve got...then it’s up to those of us who can see beyond the glory and glamor to take up the job....I don’t know about you but...I’m not gonna let that bastard hog all of his unearned glory...” I stood up, shifting back to my normal form. “I’ve got to get to a knighting ceremony...Knowing Griffin, he’ll probably ditch it just to be a dick. Care to join me?”

She wiped her eyes and turned to him, smiling slightly. “Only if I get to be the understudy.”

I grin. “I....have no idea what you’re talking about...no, literally, I’m missing all but a few years of a sixty year life, I have NEVER been to a knighting ceremony before.”

She chuckled at that. “It’s actually not that common. What I was referring to was acting, and moreover my desire to stay in the background. A changeling is one thing, a dragon? That’s stretching it.”

“If Loony’s OK with you, then I think I can handle it. Just...don’t break anything. And you hurt Celestia, and I break YOU. got it?”

“I only hurt people who either shatter my world, or threaten to do so, so Celestia is safe.” She said, then extended her hand. “The name’s Ember.”

“I learned that much from Ritz.” I said, “The name’s Knightmare.” I took her hand and gave it a light shake. “Truce?”

“Truce.”

*****

Wait, wait! Seriously?

Srsly, sistah.

Seriously, it was that easy?

Ask Gemina, she witnessed it from Ember’s mind.

I was just expecting..I don’t know, more brutality, a brawl or something...

Twilight Sparkle! I’m ashamed of you! Not everything ends with violence! Not even with Ember or Griffin....ok so it does with Gemina and Gun, but they’re nucking futz.

True, true. I stand corrected.

Twi, it’s been a long day. You think we can, I’unno, put this off for a while longer?

Still have problems on the homefront, huh?

Between asshole nobles of fifteen different races, making a somewhat peaceful connection to earth, AND rebuilding from the aftermath of Nyx's little ‘experiment’? Yeah...

OK, I think we can handle waiting a bit longer. C’mon, drinks are on me.

*****

OK, gentlemen! He’s at home, safe and sound. Just speak next to the paper and tell me your thoughts on Knightmare. We need to know this to make sure he’s mentally stable, especially since he’s still undergoing treatments from that little...incident.

Author's Note

ok, not QUITE what I was hoping for.

Way shorter than I'd initially wanted but here it is. I've opted to just edit the older chapters bit by bit from Twilihgt Sparkles' perspective. Yes these will be written as Knightmare's memoirs after the EndGame, so hints to what's to come will show up at times.

That last bit from Twi was directed at YOU guys. Based on what's been seen so far in the story, what is YOUR opinion on Knightmare's mental stability?

FNTK Chapter 18: Where Knightmare does something stupid

Album 2: Chaotic Harmony

Track 1: Where Knightmare does something stupid.

Considering all that happened, is this an really accurate title?

Had I done the same on earth I’d have gotten my hands chopped off, in some countries, and brought to the guillotine in others.

True, very true...

So, I bet you’re wondering what went down after the ceremony, huh?

Here’s a one-word hint.

Blueblood.

He’s a racist prick. Shocking, I know. So what about him? Well, he wasn’t too pleased with a griffin, a changeling and a diamond dog/wolf/whatever getting knighted.

So he threw a tantrum. In the middle of canterlot.

“AUNTIEEEEEE!! WHYYY!? Those terrible beasts...They’ll kill us! Or steal the children! Or steal our MONEY!”

“Wow. So, lemme get this straight. Shining Armor was MORE of a badass in person...and you’re more of an asshole in person...wow...it’s like reality is more everything or something...”

“You! You see Auntie? He’s insulting me! It won’t be long before he takes all the pretty mares and leaves none for me!”

“I’m sorry, Nephew, but I can’t punish someone for merely stating a fact, nor can I do so because he’s more of a gentlecolt than you... Maybe you could learn something from Knightmare...” She looked in my direction and giggled.

Mainly because I was busy doing a handstand. Why? Because I got bored.

I noticed you tend to do a lot of strange things when bored.

Well, that’s almost entirely due to me being a very silly lad when bored.

“Why? So I can become Chrysalis’ brood like he is?”

“Woah now, buddy, you’re hitting a lil’ close to home, there. I’m not her ‘brood’, that implies I’m one of her kids.”

“Humph! It still puts you under her control! She just has to say the word and you’ll go a rampage, destroying buildings and eating all the pastries! A vile treachery! The likes of you changeling scum should never be allowed in Equestria.”

“Wow, you really are an ASSHOLE, aren’t you?” I growled, growing tired of dealing with this moron. Seriously? THIS shithead was the one Rarity fell head over heels for?

Hey, she learned her lesson

I know, but still...you couldn’t have, I’unno, warned her? Or me?

I never met him in person before the Gala. Otherwise, I would have.

“Now look, boys.” Came Chrysalis’ buzzing voice, “Now, I know you two stayed up past your bedtimes, but arguing isn’t going to help anyone right now, especially since there’s nothing to argue about.”

“Silence, you scheming bitch! I will not tolerate your evil be-” *WHACK!*

OK, so I kinda punched him.

Can you f**king blame me!?

“Blueblood, I’ve met some major assholes in my time, Griffin WAS at the top of my list. Congratulations, you just took his top seat!” I cracked my knuckles, a faint red glow coming from my eyes.

....you’re not gonna edit that on me?

Considering that ACTUALLY HAPPENS when you get mad? No.

....Creeepyyyy

To say everything got quiet would be an understatement. For about five seconds, no one even BREATHED. It was just me and Blueblood, both pissed beyond belief. I had, for a brief moment, expected him to turn and run, crying to ‘Auntie Celestia’ to ‘make the big bad bug go away’. ...instead, I’m thankful for having gotten that training, as I drew up my axe in time to block a stab from Blueblood’s rapier. Where he’d been hiding it, I neither know, nor want to know. All I do know is, within a few seconds the two of us had gone from duelling with weapons to just plain beating the shit out of one another.

I made brutal use of my longer reach, slicing at him with my claws and kicking as hard as I could. But for someone so, comparatively, short, Blueblood hit hard and could take hits pretty well, often matching blow for blow and what few hits he could make hurt more than the flurry of lighter blows I launched. I think I knocked out a tooth before I couldn’t stand anymore.

I may have been on the ground, but I wasn’t out. He tried to stomp my head, but that left open the one major weakness all males have.

OK I don’t think we need to explain where you hit, do we?

I hope not.

“Hah...huff...take that...dumb....elitist...bastard”

After waiting a brief second to ensure that Blueblood was also out like a light, I let unconsciousness take me. ....Wow, I seem to be losing consciousness a lot in this adventure, huh?

******

I woke up in a jail cell. What the fuck? Across the way from me I could see Blueblood waking up in a cell of his own. At least they didn’t let him off the hook too. We glared at each other and then went back t our own cells. A little bit later, a door opened somewhere.

“Prisoners! You have visitors!”

“Visitors for who!?” I asked, wandering to the front of my cell.

“Yeah you dumb mule! There are at least six of us here,” yelled a prisoner from down the hall.

“Silence you ruffians! Let the guard speak!” Blueblood sounded annoying as ever.

“Oh piss off, you oblivious fool!.” The guard announced the description of the prisoners.

“One visitor for the demon, and two for the changeling known as Sir Knightmare.” Demon?

“But what about MEEEEE!?” shouted the the ass across the hall.

“AH SHADDAP BLUEBLOOD!” I shouted. “So, mister guard, who’s visiting lil’ ol’ me?”

“Lucky bastards,” hollered the prisoner I couldn’t see. “They’ve only been here for less than a day! Where’s my free letter to my family!”

“Calm down, dammit, you’ll get it in due time.” The guard began conversing with me again “I present Nurse Candy, Nurse Joyheart, and Her royal majesty, Queen Chrysalis.” The last name was spoken with no small degree of disgust. Wait... Who were those first two?

“Hey,” A new voice spoke up. Was that the demon?. “Chrysalis is here? I... I don’t even... What?!” I could barely make out the group making their way down the hall and recognized Chrysalis and a cream-colored mare walking with them also wearing a nurse's uniform. Hey, she was there with Twilight measuring...yeah. Is she Candy?

“Long story demondudemanguy.” I said. “Basically, she’s here for a peace treaty, and was one of the brawlers at the Gala when things went to shit. There’s a lot of folks alive today because of her.”

“It was because of YOU and those damnable alien ruffians that everything fell apart in the FIRST PLACE!” shouted Blueblood. Can’t he just shut his yap for ONE SECOND!?

“Bluey! Mind toning it down a touch,” the demon’s voice spoke up. “Else I may just have to come through the wall and see you face to face!” Blueblood continued to shout and holler. I like this demon guy.

“Now see here, you dirty demon! You have no right to treat royalty like that! Why I should have you-”

“BLUEBLOOD SHUT THE HELL UP!” everyone shouted, including Chrysalis and Nurse Candy.

“Thanks,” The demon told the group.

“You’re welcome.” said Chrysalis. She gave the demon a nod as she walked past him towards my cell.

“Well, Mr. Cole,” I heard the other nurse, apparently Joyheart, say in a sweet southern accent. “Seems like yah got yourself in quite the predicament here, sweetie.” Someone’s about to get a lecture.

“Nurse Joyheart, so nice to see you again.” Cole, apparently the demon’s name, said.

“Back off prisoner, don’t step too close to the bars.” the guard said. “Stop that,” he ordered.

“Dude, you’re seriously telling us to back away from CHRYSALIS? Did you SEE what she was capable of last night!? Trust me, they've got more to fear from her than us...” I said. I heard steel groaning. Is he pulling apart the jail cell? Damn!

“Hey, Knightmare, wanna shut it for a tick?” The bars continued to groan as the demon put more pressure on them.

“Cole! Stop it,” said Joyheart, worry exuding from her.

“Now, now,” said Chrysalis, as she smiled. “Let us see what he does?” Chrysalis watched as he pried himself out of his cell. He looked like...a monkey? He had horns on top of his head and a pistol at his side. They didn’t take that off him!?

“Are we doing a jailbreak?” I asked, I asked as I grew a claw and picked the lock on my cell. What? I learned it on Earth. “Because that’s actually a pretty cool idea.”

“Nah, not really Knight.” Cole started walking towards the guard, intimidating him with every glance, until he stared down at the guard. He brought his fist up, as if to strike to guard and with a quick flourish of his left hand, flicked the guard on the nose. The guard reeled back in surprise as Cole smiled and stepped back towards his cell, and bent the bars back into place

“So, Cole, Knightmare...” Chrysalis grinned “We were sent to retrieve the two of you. You’ve been pardoned.” Hah. I knew I wouldn’t be in here long.

“Am I pardoned?” Blueblood asked.

“No, you’re lucky to not be executed by the very laws you’re so obsessive over for how you treated me and my entourage.” Oh that’s too good. Suck it Blueballs!

“Is she serious?” Cole asked

“Deathly serious.” Nurse Candy said.

“Well then,” Cole muttered. “Guard, you might as well let me out then.” He looked over at the guard who he just flicked expectantly.

I turned to the guard as well, stepping back behind the still opened door of my own cell. The guard huffed and passed Cole’s cell and opened mine first. He then handed the keys to Nurse Joyheart. Aw, Mr. Guard is angry he got flicked.

“You open it,” he told her. “I refuse to do anything that could be seen as kind towards him.” Jeez, jeckface. You deserved that flick.

“Well that’s odd. You’re nicer to a changeling who was locked up for giving a noble bloody nose than you are for a demon-looking dude who’s only in trouble for getting drunk in public?” Chrysalis asked, “You have very skewed priorities, young one.”

“Well... I think it might also be for property destruction,” Cole muttered as Nurse Joyheart opened the door.

“And for public nudity,” continued the guard. Wait... what!? I never got arrested for such a thing and I’ve done that at least twice so far. Cole looked at him wide-eyed.

“Holy... Well... hell... I think I went to fourteen shots then.” Cole looked down in embarrassment. “Hey! New record!” He smiled as his face shot back up.

“Lightweight.” said the goddess who can obviously magic her liver back to health. Screw healing magic.

“Compared to me, maybe.” Candy chirped, giggling lightly. “Sooo...public nudity, eh? Kinda wish I got to see that.”

“No, you do not, there have only been two occasions that have happened. Last night, and Graffiti night at the University of Texas frats. Never. Again.” Texas?? Another human already! A frat boy to boot. Cole walked over and hugged Nurse Joyheart then stood to the side to allow the group to pass.

“And you said he wasn’t nice.” Candy said, grinning at Joyheart lewdly.

“Hey Joyheart, would you mind explaining the company, please,” Cole asked.

“This here is Nurse Candy, she was a student of mine when she first decided to become a nurse. We go way back, and were quite close,” She pointed towards the earth pony. “And this is Queen Chrysalis. She-”

“No need for that one, I know of her,” Cole cut her off and looked at the Queen. He stepped towards her a bit and inspected her being. A wide smile cut across his face from ear to ear as he looked directly into her eyes.

“Chrysalis... have you ever been glomped?”

“On several occasions, by Knightmare...and oddly enough even Celestia after I requested a peace treaty and handed over my terms of surrender.”

“Well then this might be a familiar feeling.” he quickly backed away, jumped off the wall parallel to the group, targeting Chrysalis for the imminent glomp. The changeling Queen responded promptly, wreathing herself in green flames to shapeshift, revealing...Oh my. I’m glad I can hide myself. Even without the raging hormones, that was pretty hot.

“My... well Ah do believe someone has yet tah sober up,” said Joyheart as she looked at the destruction.

“Oh I’m sober.” Cole looked back at Joyheart as he got up and dust himself off. “Just the first time we met, I was tied down and restrained on a bed without being able to move an inch and I was missing my pants too. Where are they?"

“Oh la la!” Candy said, “Somepony had a happy night!” The cream-colored mare giggled happily.

“Oh hush you,” Joyheart said while she blushed. “It was nothing like that, he was in the hospital!” Whaaaat? Laid on the first night here?! Some people get all the luck.

“Yes! I was but a poor injured lad and this temptress, she took advantage of me in such a poor state! Oh how tragic.” Cole placed the back of his hand on his head as if he were to faint. Oh, they’re just kidding around.

“Joyheart, Honey, you should have CALLED!” Candy gushed, clearly ‘getting into character’, “I’d have taught you a few of my old tricks. I mean it’s all because of you that I have a job at all right now, it’s only fair!”

“Wait....you’re THAT ‘Candy Apple’!?” Chrysalis said. Huh?

“Wat.” was my only response. Cole looked at everyone and then back to Joyheart expecting some kind of clarification.

“THE Candy Apple!?” Chrysalis continued, drawing attention from the other prisoners, “From the Naughty Nurse Candy series!? OH MY FAUST I’m your biggest fan!” Chrysalis was hopping around like a Twilight fangirl who got a VIP pass to meet the actors. Hyperactive, irritating, and squealing like a pig. Wait, Naughty Nurse Candy?!

I still can’t believe she was working at the castle all this time.

Wait, don’t tell me you’re a fan, too!

....uh...um...uh....maybe...

“Yet again. Wat.” was still my only response. Joyheart started to blush an even deeper crimson.

Cole got it apparently and nudged me.

“So wait... what you are telling us, Miss Candy,” he started.

“By Celestia’s luscious flank...” I continued “Are you trying to tell me....you’re a...a...”

“PORN STAR!” all those present shouted, almost all with glee. Even Blueblood, shockingly. Wait...Oh, I’m remembering that you perverted supremacist.

“Well I might have polished a few staves back in the day....” Candy said, looking at her hoof nonchalantly. “Mighta done a stint or two as Nightmare Moon. But Joyheart, here, taught me what I needed to know to play the part of a horny nurse, and more than enough to earn a license and become one after the industry was forced to go underground. I dunno about you but as much as I love making mares and stallions wet, I don’t love it enough to turn criminal.” Cole looked over at Joyheart with a deviant smile.

“So what you are telling us,” Cole winked at me.

“Don’t say it...please don’t say it.” Joyheart mumbled.

“That you and Candy used to be....” I turned to Chrysalis with a lecherous grin....

“You wouldn’t....” Candy grumbled...

“Candy Strippers!” Chrysalis said, gleefully, much to the mirth and laughter of the congregated criminals. Except Blueblood, who joined the two nurses in their groan at the Pun. Shut up Blueblood.

“Cole, now that wasn’t very kind of yah.” Joyheart looked at him and gave him a chilling glare. Oof. Cole quickly spoke up to defend himself.

“But, it was just too good to pass up! You have to understand Miss!” Joyheart’s eyes stared Cole down. Wow, that is one intense staring contest. Suddenly, Joyheart stepped closer and closer to Cole until he was on his knees. He turned away in submission.

“Now apologize,” she ordered. Cole looked towards her and Nurse Candy.

“I’m... I’m sorry Nurse Joyheart and to you too Nurse Candy,” Cole’s voice dropped to a low murmur.

“Good. That pun was so bad I was ‘bout to start sticking acupuncture needles inta your scrotum.” Nurse Candy said, reverting to her southern accent briefly. Ow. Why would you do that!? That’s one scary mare.

Chrysalis whispered something to cole.

“Well, you don’t say?” Cole said as he got back to his feet, and stood by Nurse Joyheart’s side.

“Regardless, it’s time to get you two back to the throne room.” Chrysalis spoke calmly, keeping her voice almost perfectly even.

“So...we’re free? Just like that?” Cole asked.

“ Yes, Celestia officially pardoned Knightmare after taking several testimonies pointing to him protecting my honor, and you, apparently, just needed a few days to sleep off your hangover.” The Changeling Queen turned on her hooves and began walking out of the dungeon block.

“Well, Hellboy?” I said, making a sweeping bow towards the entrance, as the three lovely mares made their exit there. As I followed, I began humming afamiliar tune.

“Wait! Ah hell, I don’t know this song,” Cole complained.

“Just follow what I do,” I explained. I began beating his wings rapidly, preparing the music. “It’s all A-capella, we are our own instruments, so just roll with me, sonny.”

“Call me sonny again,” Cole threatened. “That’s my schtick.”

“How old are you? Because I’m pushing eighty-five as is....” I replied, my deadpan reaction betraying nothing. Cole quickly looked away, trying to come up with a quick lie.

“Uh, over 900 years old?” Cole uses Poker Face! It's not very effective...

“Well I’m 25,000, so you whippersnappers best behave!” Chrysalis countered irritably.

I am a man who walks alone
And when I’m walking a dark road
At night or strolling through the park

I took the lead, easing into the song into something that sounds oddly a lot like Iron Maiden. Love that song.

When the light begins to change
I sometimes feel a little strange
A little anxious when its dark

Cole finally got into the groove, continuing the lead lines with surprising skill.

Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark!
I have a constant fear that something’s always near!
Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark!
I have a phobia that someone’s always there!

Both of us efficiently duet-ed the third stanza, the buzz of my wings still pulling duty as the backups. Out of the blue, Chrysalis chimed in, taking up the lead of the song as we entered the suspiciously light-less hallway leaving the dungeons.

Have you run your fingers down the wall
And have you felt your neck skin crawl
When you’re searching for the light?

Lighting her horn ablaze with magic, she was able to combat the darkness enough to avoid tripping, but not much else, lending a fittingly ominous aura to the darkened passages.

Sometimes when you’re scared to take a look
At the corner of the room
you’ve sensed there’s someone watching you!

An eerie chill settled into the air as I felt a presence behind us, following the five of us as we sung and strolled down the darkened hallway.

Have you ever been alone at night
Thought you heard footsteps behind
And turned around and no one’s there?

Suddenly, and simultaneously, all five of us turned around, but there was absolutely no one behind us....that we could see. My spiny mane-thing stood straight out, as I wondered if it was possible for ghosts to exist in Equestria.

And as you quicken up your pace
you find it hard to look again
Because you’re sure there’s someone there!

The presence returned once again, I could sense it following us. Call it a sixth sense but I was sure that was what was happening. Or maybe I was just too immersed in the song.

Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark!
I have a constant fear that something’s always near!
Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark!
I have a phobia that someone’s always there!

[‘instrumental’]

As we continued, singing the phrase ‘Fear of the Dark’ at regular intervals in various tones, the floorboard let out a loud creak from behind us, startling all of us and causing me to run, let out a shout and run around checking doors and halls in suspicion, though Chrysalis doesn’t miss a beat in the song. My mind was on edge, wondering what was following us.

Watching horror films the night before
Debating Witches and Folklore
The unknown troubles on your mind!

She got the nurses, Joyheart and Candy, to join into the song, paralleling her own voice beautifully.

Maybe your mind is playing tricks
You sense, and suddenly, eyes fixed
On dancing shadows from behind!

The trio of mares turned around, and looked down the hall and then turned immediately back, the two nurses with a slight bit of fear in their eyes.

Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark!
I have a constant fear that something’s always near!
Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark!
I have a phobia that someone’s always there!

Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark!
I have a constant fear that something’s always near!
Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark!
I have a phobia that someone’s always there!

When I’m walking a dark road...
I am the man who walks alone....

“BOO!”

“Jesus Holy Christ!” Cole and I screamed in unison, with screeches coming from the nurses and a surprised Chrysalis leaping up just in time to grab the four of us before we fell.

A small figure appeared in front of our group, giggling with a hoof covering her mouth. Cole quickly grabbed her and held her up to eye level with one hand.

“Alright, very funny, now who are ya?” Cole asked, annoyance creeping into his voice. How did she sneak up on us anyway?

“Rachel, but everyone calls me Mimic.” She continued to giggle. Aw, isn’t that adorable. Cole sighed and looked around at everyone.

“Anyone know where she came from?” Cole looked from me to the nurses to Chrysalis.

“CryCry, is she yours? She looks like a changeling.” Cole asked. Chrysalis’s brow furrowed at the name.

“I am not CryCry, I am Queen Chrysalis, and you shall refer to me as such.”

“CryCry sounds better,” Cole deadpanned.

“I’mma be honest, I like it. ChryssiePie.” I said.

“I’m not ‘ChryssiePie’ either....”

“OK, Cherry Pie.”

“Oh Faustdammit PLEASE don't start singing that song around a CHILD!” Said the queen who just swore in front of said child.

“Cherry Chimichanga,” offered Rachel with a slight smile.

“I’m never going to run out of nicknames at this rate,” Chrysalis deadpanned.

“I LIKE her! Can we keep her?” I said. Cole sighed at that.

“Maybe, depends who her caretaker is,” Cole told me. I want her you monkey thing!.

“I’d rather....not.” came an unexpected and familiar voice. That of Crown Princess Cadence of the Crystal Empire.

“Hoyo Cadence!” I shouted, waving to the pink alicorn through the gloom....and suddenly, all of the lamps and torches came on with a click. Convenient.

“You...could have just turned on a light switch...” The Princess of Love said, stifling a giggle at Chrysalis’ embarrassed reaction. Cole turned around and smiled.

“Cadence! So good to see you again!” Cole walked towards her and bowed before her with a flourish.

“And you as well, Cole, and I see you are at least somewhat clothed.” Hah! Monkey-boy got seen by Cadence naked. Wait a minute.....

“Hey! I have a question,” I asked “How does someone in a society of nudists get tagged with a public indecency charge?”

“Because,” Chrysalis began, “Most stallions cocks are retractable...his isn’t...and technically neither is yours. Be thankful Celestia didn’t press charges over your ‘towel accident’.” Oh shit.

“...ok.” I said, suddenly getting a devious grin. “And that, ladies and gents, is whySHE'S MY CHERRY PIE! Cool Drink o' water, such a sweet surprise!“ Cadance quickly covered Rachel’s ears as soon as I began to sing.

“DAMMIT KNIGHTMARE I CAN’T TAKE YOU ANYWHERE!” Chrysalis screamed, her face redder than blood from embarrassment.

“And this is why we can’t have nice things.” Cole muttered..

“I’m sorry, queenie, but you’re just so ADORABLE when you’re flustered!” Oh that was so cute.

“I have to side with Knightmare on this one, Chrysalis.” Cadance quipped, “You look so cute I’d love to just pinch your cheeks!” Chrysalis immediately backed away.

“Do it, and you’ll regret it,” hissed Chrysalis.

“OK, how about this?” Cadance asked, and, moving faster than imaginable, locked lips with Chrysalis in a prench kiss. This time it was my job to shield Rachel’s eyes from the sight, much to the young changelings laughter. Ohhh things getting hot in here!

“I wonder how Shiner feels about this.” Cole muttered aloud.

“Shining?” I asked, “Dude, this was one of his requests. In exchange for overcoming his anti-changeling racism and helping out in keeping us from going extinct, he gets to see Chrysalis and Cadance get frisky at least once.... Apparently they enjoy each other’s company....better than expected. If ya know what I mean.” Cole looked from me to the couple kissing each other. I heard about the deal earlier in the day.

“I... am at a lost for words,” muttered Cole. “Seriously, I thought everyone would still be cautious with each other, right?”

“Dude, it’s been four months and the changelings have signed a peace treaty that specifically states Celestia will incinerate every last changeling if Chrysalis breaches the treaty. Then again, the whole ‘Chrysalis X Cadance’ thing isn’t in the treaty, she agreed to it because she’s horny.”

“That much I’m willing to admit....” Chrysalis stated, nibbling on Cadance’s horn gently. Cole stared for a moment and then smacked himself in the face. Poor boy. Maybe he’s not long out of his frat?

“Right, so throne room before we give a child an impromptu education in safe sex?” Cole quickly started walking ahead of the group.

“Sounds like a plan, my man.” I said, carrying Rachel on my shoulders. I was promptly followed by the four gorgeous mares that had tagged along. The procession continued down the halls until we finally found the throne room.

“The princess said she wanted tah talk tah yah before yah left, Cole,” explained Joyheart, the bag still being carried on her back. “The Doctor was kind enough to pack you some extra clothes in order for you to look presentable, ladies if you please.” He knows the Doctor!? Chrysalis and Cadence activated their magic and created a curtain in order for cole to change behind. He took the bag off of Joyheart and walked behind the curtain and started to change.

“Well, dudes, ladies, Chrysalis, I bid ye all farewell. I’ve got a band to gather and a road trip to kick off. Be well and blessed be, everypony!” I set Rachel down on Cadence’s back and buzzed off, using my wing to skate across the floor at high speeds.

I wandered to the throne room and found Celestia on her throne. I walked up to her.

“Ah, Knightmare, good to see you out. In a moment I’ll need to talk to Cole. Do you think you could go retrieve something for me? We have much to discuss and I feel like something to drink would probably lighten the mood.”

“Of course my lady. I will return momentarily.”

It took me a good thirty minutes to figure out where in the blazes I needed to go. A full hour had passed by the time I returned. This castle is seriously a maze.

When I returned, Cole had already left, so I wandered up to Celestia and Chrysalis, who were still present. I had picked up something that a guard said he had prepared earlier, though I didn’t know what exactly was in it. Celestia brought out three glasses and poured us whatever was in the carton I brought. and Chrysalis did something similar, though with...less clothing. We each took a glass.

“Ah, that’s the stuff. Alright. Knightmare. It’s about time I gave you your first mission.” Man this stuff was good... Looking at the box, I realized something. Isn’t this The Royal Pink!?

“As you well know, many of the articles in the Black Vault have gone missing on result of Ember’s fight with Luna. These articles are incredibly dangerous whether in the right hands, the wrong hands or no hands at all. More than just the missing pieces of Nightmare Moon’s armor, You have recovered the Pick of Destiny which I’m personally releasing for you to use. It may be of help to you if the Nightmare returns. I will have a full list of the missing articles and their status for you later.” She sighed but it seemed her drink was helping to perk up her mood. I was trying not to drink too much but it was so tasty! Darn you, Pinkie! I swear I could hear her giggling somewhere. Chrysalis...was eyeing me? Must like what she sees. She gave me this look that said ‘I’ve got an article you can recover.’

“Hic. THe other thing I need you to do Knightmare...is....Could you scoot a little closer?”

I obliged confusedly. She was swaying a little bit. She couldn’t be drunk already...

“Where was I? Oh, yes. The other thing I need you to do is track down any humans and try to get them to contact us in Canterlot. We’d like to know where they are and what they’re up to if we can. Griffin we don’t need to worry about as he stays in contact with us anyway.....Come here you, I need a huuuug!” She promptly jumped over and pinned me to the floor while cuddling with me. Oh...hehe. This isn’t so bad. What was I worried about?

“Was there anything else *HIC* your beautiful majeshty?” Wait, am I drunk?... Yeah, that case is empty. Did we already drink all the tasty stuff?

“Um....OH! I have a team assembled to travel with you. I’ll introduce you to them tomorrow. For now though, i jus’ wan da cuddles.”

“Hey *hic-urp* don’t hog him to yourshelf!” I looked over to Chrysalis who was trying and failing to walk while in a humanoid form. She ended up crawling over to us before cuddling next to me too. We started having a tickle war. For the next ten minutes, there was nothing to be heard but pained laughter as the three of us went on poking, prodding, and touching all over the place. The war eventually ended with us panting on the floor.

“Um...Ladies...Not that I mind but shouldn’t we be doing something?...I feel like there was something we were doing...”

“AH! You’re right Knightmare! We need to *HUP* go see Twilight in Ponyville! I have a ‘special’ surprise for you!” She winked at me with a sultry grin plastered on her face.

“That shounds like a ‘great’ idea Tia!” Chrysalis was giving me a similar look.

“Well...What are we waiting for then? Onwardsh!” Yep, I’m drunk. Oh well, this is turning out pretty good so far!

We stumbled out onto a balcony and after Chrysalis shifted back, we flew off into the night towards Ponyville, swaying back and forth in the air, with Celestia and Chrysalis holding either end of my body as I quickly realized I could NOT fly inebriated, or at all. It was one wild flight.

Author's Note

You hear that? That's the sound of jaws hitting the floor...

Knightmare: I'M BACK, LADIES!!!!

FNTK Chapter 19: The adventure OFFICIALLY Begins

Album 2: Chaotic Harmony

Track 2: The Adventure Officially Begins

So now we finally get to see the aftermath of the Gala.

Yep...this part’s kinda embarrassing...

We’re showing it...deal with it.

Where’d you get those sunglasses?

Griffin.

You know, for someone supposedly incapable of dreaming, I’ve been doing an awful lot of it, lately. Really weird ones. Like me and Chrysalis and Celestia getting drunk flying to Ponyville and getting it-

“SNOOORK”

“….”

I opened my eyes and, although it was still kinda dark, found myself staring directly at Celestia, who was currently sleeping. I almost bounced away, only to discover someone against my BACK as well. Twisting my head, I could make out Chrysalis snuggling up behind me. No waaay...That wasn’t a dream?

There has to be some kind of God. I just f-

“Good morning Knightmare!”

“GYAH!”

“Oooowwww, not so loud...” Celestia moaned, holding her head.

“Whuz going on..?” Chrysalis was awake now too.

“Chrysalis, you’re here to? But that.....No...You!” Celestia was mad about...something.

“Can one of you lovely ladies please explain what the hell happened?” I asked.

“I’ll answer that.”

Told you I’d answer it.

You didn’t THEN.

Well, let me now. The three of you showed up on my doorstep plastered. You then proceeded to raid my kitchen for more alcohol. Afterwards, you kicked me out of my room to sleep and made loud noises for most of the night.

Were those loud noises anything even remotely similar to when you, RD, and Fluttershy....

....yes...

Kinkyyyy!

“So, wait...uh...did things happen?”

“If by ‘things’ you mean the three of you trashed my house, used all of everything even resembling alcohol, and used my bed for things not meant between an unwed couple, then yes, ‘Things’ happened...”

“Chrysalis! I swear I will unleash the kitty!”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Watch me!” I turned around just in time to see a flash of Celestia’s tail go out Twilight’s door.

Sigh.

I poked my head out the window just in time to spot the pair of busty anthropomorphized goddesses stumbling and tripping over one another in the streets, with Chrysalis being chased around by Celestia, the changeling queen screaming in terror at a cute-looking kitty cat plushie.

“You gotta be shitting me.” There were not words for my emotions. It was like looking at all my fantasies at once and having to act as a parental figure for them.

“Guess I better try and stop them...”

I rushed out after them, following the dust trail as it meandered through Ponyville’s roads.

“Majesties wait! Huff, huff...can’t we talk about this?” They slowed down and stopped, Chrysalis cowering behind me.

“Celestia, if you don’t let up, we’ll never get anything done today. And you still have to raise the sun.”

“I suppose you’re right...” She went back to the library and a minute later, the sun was on it’s course.

“Thank you Knightmare. Cats are scary, with their nasty, biting claws.”

“Griffin got to you, didn’t he?”

“....maybe...”

“Haaa, whatever. Was there something we actually needed to do in Ponyville or were we just drunk?”

“Oh, yeah, there is. Let’s go find Celestia...”

Half an hour later the three of us were walking towards the town hall.

“So, why are we going to the hall?” I asked Celestia. She’d been pretty quiet about it, glaring at Chrysalis for...whatever they had fought over. I didn’t want to get involved.

“Well, considering you’re going to pretend to be a travelling bard, I figured you needed a band. So, I picked a number of ponies to travel with you. I think you might know some of them as well....” She grinned.

And then a hole ripped open in the sky.

“What the hell was tha-”Whumph!

“Motherfucking piece of shit!” A big ball of fur and sharp claws yelled as I was slashed by the flurry of razor-edged strikes.The weight of the other body lifted and I managed to get my head up to look at whatever the hell decided to play the wrecking ball.

“WHO THE HELL!?” I screamed, looking at the creature that chose to attack me. Only to get a faceful of angry-ass wolf.

“...Lemme guess. ‘Because I asked for it’, right?” I twitched, recalling something Chrysalis said while drunk yesterday. That ‘Time Travel was involved’.....

The wolf flared his wings a bit, flashing a wicked grin showing off his fangs, before answering. “Oh yea High-General Bugboy, cause you asked for it. Also cause you lied in that job assignment.” He quickly pinned me down again and slashed off my right arm. Shit! That HURTS!

“That was for lying about the number of changelings attacking,” he growled before slashing off my left leg. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! “That is for lying about the goddamn torches to find my way in the mines.”

“OWWWWWWWWWWWW! FUUUUUU-” Didn’t get to finish that one before he ripped out my throat. Why aren’t I dead yet? I’m pretty sure I should be dead.

“Fucking bug regen powers,” the wolf cursed, spitting out the remains of my throat.

How was I still alive? I managed to look down to see my severed limbs turning to ash, and my bleeding stumps rapidly healing over, growing new limbs as if nothing had been done to them.

“What the fuck just happened? And why the fuck did you attack me!? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?”

He shut me up by ripping out my throat again. “This isn’t your talk time. It’s Zeta’s ripping you to tiny pieces till he’s satisfied time,” this ‘Zeta’ uttered with more bloodlust than I thought possible in a living being.

“Or, better yet, it’s ‘Zeta stops ripping up my new toy before he gets vaporized by an angry sun-goddes’ time.” Celestia said, glaring at the winged wolf that was currently tearing chunks out of me.

The wolf just glared back at the sun goddess, icy blue eyes meeting violet. “You try that, I roll over and we can see what a magnifying glass does to an ant in life sized models. This shithead put my daughter in harm’s way, and nothing, immortal or not, is getting in my way of ripping him to tiny bits.”

“Chrysalis already explained what occurred during the Invasion as best as she could recall. I’d rather you not completely demolish the timeline by killing the very being that kept your daughter and my niece alive before he can do so......”

“Can someone PLEASE tell me what’s going on!?”

“That's classified.” Chrysalis said, quickly silencing both Celestia and this ‘Zeta’ lunatic...I never even met this asshole before!

The wolf held his stare down with Celestia for a few more moments before letting me get up. I high tailed it behind Celestia faster than I thought I could even move.

“If no one’s gonna explain WHY that happened then can someone at LEAST tell me what the fuck just happened!?”

“I fucked you up, that’s what happened. Don’t go near my daughter again,” and then the wolf took to the sky, making a sonic rainboom in his wake.

“WHO THE FUCK IS HIS DAUGHTER!?”

And just as I finished asking that we all turned to hear a distinct buzzing fill the air and watched as a dirt cloud rose over the horizon. Then the only pegasus of the CMC hopped off her scooter and looked in the sky.

“Dangit, I just missed him. I was going to ask dad if I could sleep over at Sweetie’s.”

WOW. Who knew Zeta was so violent?

....that HAD to be sarcasm....that just HAD to be.

Why would she know? Not many have lived after seeing me work Knight.

Point taken....looks like I’m the exception to the rule...

Gentlemen, I believe you have a story to continue?

So I can leave now right? I have a few contracts to fulfill still.

Yes, Mister Zeta, you may. Scootaloo should be getting back from school soon, anyway.

Yes, Princess!

Yabozz!

“Uh...Sorry about that...Scootaloo...Wait, you’re his DAUGHTER!?” My brain. I...I don’t even.

“I’m sorry for that Knightmare. Zeta can be rather...difficult. Let’s move on. I have a few things to tell you before you meet your team.” Celestia addressed me.

“Difficult is a bit of an understatement, princess.” I sighed and continued walking, thankful for whoever decided to make me able to regenerate like that.

“That was me actually and it’s one of the things I need to talk to you about. Like your guitar, there are a number of abilities I’ve granted you. The first is your regeneration. Changelings have regeneration naturally but I’ve tweaked your body a bit so that when you are in direct sunlight your regenerative abilities go up far beyond anyone other than Chrissy here.” Celestia smiled at me.

“But I didn’t... You can read minds!?” Oh, this is going to be worse than with Pinkie.

“No worries, I’ll keep talking so you don’t think about anything that you might be embarrassed about, such as me and Chrysalis having sex while wrestling in chocolate syrup. ” OH GODDAMMIT

....I know, now, that that is definitely something Celestia would do...

The wrestling?

No, actually, saying that intentionally to taunt you like that.

“Beyond your regeneration, I have also granted special powers to three of the forms you can take on. The first you already know, your mechanical construct form.”

“Normally,” Chrysalis interrupted, “Only changelings born from my sister, Pandora, could do that. You, however, also have that unique ability.”

“Next, you also have two other forms, one for physical power and the other for magical might.”

“Actually, only one. He’s already unlocked Nineball....” Chrysalis shrugged, remembering the fight with Ember, the one before the knighting ceremony. “So only the last form remains...”

“...Already!?” Celestia shouted, causing a few ponies to jump in shock. “Who-wha-how-but...buh...”

“I know dat feel, Princess.” was my only response to the sound of Celestia’s brain slowly shattering. I had only 3 forms and already unlocked two of them? Wow that’s kinda...yeesh... Why do I feel like I’m being given a crutch?

“Well, your third form is-” The Princess’ hoof shot to Chrysalis’ mouth, silencing her.

“Just...you already know about Lahire and Nineball, right? ...let’s just say your third form is very VERY different.”

“....Unit-01?”

“Ohfaustdammit...”

“...My magical form is an evangelion....isn’t it..?”

“....” The three of us were in that deadpan staring contest some folks get into when they refuse to answer, but have too, but don’t want to lie, either. You know the kind. Like in high-school when the jock asshole asks you if you’ve ever had beer before and you never did but you wanna seem cool but without lying....that kind of thing...

I don’t think I get it but continue.

Here, lemme add a picture of what an Evangelion looks like.. Here we go! THAT, my dear Princess Sparkle, is Unit-01, an Evangelion.

...That’s...that’s actually rather gruesome, even by the standards of what we’ve all seen.

....yes.....yes it is.

“Anyway, we’re here.” We had reached the town hall. Let’s meet these poor ponies who got involved with me.

As we walked in, I was surprised. An entire 6 ponies were there, waiting for us. Octavia, Vinyl Scratch, Lyra, Bon-bon, and... Princess Cadence and Shining Armor!? Don’t they have royal duties or something!?

Celestia spoke up “And here you have them. I’ll introduce you just in case. This is Octavia Philharmonica-Scratch. I believe you’re already helped her once. “ Octavia held her nose up but allowed herself a small smile.

“Next to her is Vincenza Staccato, though most know her as Vinyl Scratch, Octavia’s marefriend.”

“Yo, good to see you Knighty! We gonna rock or what?” Vinyl grinned happily

“Next is Lyra Heartstrings. A Ponyville native and, well, maaaybe likes you humans a little much.”

“Oh believe me princess, he already knows. Though, I’m not so sure about them after the Gala....” Lyra frowned a little, though she perked up when Bonbon patted her back gently.

“I don’t blame you.” I spoke, knowing that after a scene like that, ANYONE would get a bit worried of taking their obsessions too far.

“Next, we have Lyra’s marefriend Bonbon. She wasn’t too happy but she’s coming along”

“Agent, I feel it wise to let Knightmare in on your little secret.” Chrysalis said, “Don’t worry, a ‘Nothing to see here’ spell has already been cast, no one notices any of us. Hence the lack of screams after Knightmare got mauled.”

I saw a quick flash of green from Bonbon’s eyes, a similar flash streaking across an invisible bubble that surrounded us all before BonBon erupted in green flames. Vinyl and Octavia jumped, Cadance and Shining backed away, but Lyra was unaffected.

“Oh, feels good to stretch my wings again.” Said....Bonbon!?

“Wait, you’re a changeling!?”

“Yes, I tried to let you know before but, well, you panicked....”

“Me and voices in my head tend to be a bad mix....”

“That explains why you’re shielded from the Hive Mind.”

“The who with the what now?”

“The Hive Mind of the Changelings? Imagine a massive party line that you can’t hang up, with every single changeling alive connected to it.”

“Yeah that’d end badly...” I breathed again, sighing, “So you’re a changeling? Where’d the original Bonbon go?”

“She died in a bridge accident several months before I even arrived at ponyville, that was several years ago. I don’t even know if Bonbon was actually her name. I just made it up on the spot.”

“She’s a ‘Deep Sleeper’, Knightmare.” Chrysalis said, “They are changelings that, literally, LIVE among pony society, intentionally learning their ways and thinking like them.”

“If I may also use the term, Knightmare: Some of the humans you encounter may also be ‘Deep Sleepers’, blending in with the locals to avoid notice.” Celestia explained.

“Alright, so I should be on the lookout for them. And Bonbon is a changeling. reminds me of a fanfic I read...”

“Finally, we have Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor, who I know you’ve already met. Cadence would like to tour around Equestria.”

Shining Armor glared at me “And I want to make sure you don’t do anything out of line with Equestrian laws. I still don’t trust you quite yet. Or Bonbon there.”

“Gimme a list of laws and neither of us will have anything to worry about, because I don’t wanna BREAK any laws unless Celestia has authorized it...”

“The reason I’m not scared of her, Captain,” Lyra said, sounding more than a tad annoyed, “Is because while she may have lied to me about WHAT she was, she’s been entirely honest about WHO she was, so I’d appreciate it if you don’t do to my little Bonbon what you did to Knightmare.” She looks him in the eye, “Yeah, I saw you...”

“Lyra!” Bonbon shouts, “Down girl!” And a quick bop from a rolled up newspaper later and Lyra was plopped down on her plot....Dayum, girl, y’all got WHUP’D!

“This is your band, Knightmare. Your first stop is Trottingham.”

“My band is a ragtag bunch of misfits....if this were a story, then narrative causality would demand we wind up in epic battles for the fate of the world and come out on top.... How does ‘The Champions’ sound for a band name?”

“What kind of moronic name for a band is THAT?” Octavia asked, looking skeptical, her forehooves crossed and standing on her hindlegs....Wow, she’s good at looking intimidating.

“Well, it comes from a song. Care to join me?” Octavia, Vinyl, and Lyra brought their instruments out , a Cello-doublebass Hybrid, a set of turntables, and a golden lyre, all from seemingly nowhere, “I’ll take that as a yes... Wait, half of you don’t have instruments.”

“Says who” Shining armor asks, forming a set of drums, a fifty piece kit to be exact, out of shields. And promptly does a kickin’ solo.

“...Nice.”

“I can sing!” Cadance says, smiling. “And dance, if need be.”

“And you’re not the only one with a weaponized guitar, Knightmare.” Bonbon says, pulling out what looked like a Les Paul guitar, an older model, and promptly belted out a face-melter of a solo.

“...We really are gonna be The Champions.” I chuckled, and began singing. “I've paid my dues...”

AS we started playing, ponies began filtering into the hall in search of the noise. Celestia must have dropped her S.E.P. spell. The fact that I was making use of Twinkle’s voice-blasting ability might have helped, since it seemed everyone could hear clear across town.

Wait! What about what happened with Celt!?

Oh fuck, we forgot him? ....screw it, let’s just leave him out. He’ll come bitch me out later anyway.

...True. On with the show?

On with the show!

As the seven of us prepared, we gathered some supplies and a small wagon, which I opted to take the first turn hauling. We’d be taking turns hauling it, swapping every five miles, so we weren’t all tired and sore when we reached our next destination. Thankfully, I could still play my guitar, making sure to use my claws, not the Pick, lest bad things happen.

Still. At least the start of this adventure was really fun....

Little did we know of the surprises among our supplies....

FNTK Chapter 21: Hard Rock HALLELUJA!

Album 2: Chaotic Harmony

Chapter 19: Hard Rock Halleluja!

It took another dream day for the lot of them to get settled in. Lyra spent a lot of time making stuff. She really took to the whole Minecraft mentality. After she was finally done, we started practicing.

Or tried to at least.

“Are you sure you don’t have something more refined?” OCTAVIAAAAAAAAAA, I’m am SO tired of this.

“Okay, fine. We’ll drop the Avenged Sevenfold song. Refined huh?”

Lyra piped up. “Hey, you said there were more songs about us. Could you teach us a few of those?”

“That’s...not a bad idea. That could be pretty cool actually. What do you think Octavia, since you refuse to try anything I’ve suggested besides Hard Rock Hallelujah?”

“Well...I suppose it depends on the song. As long as there aren’t too many more of your less pleasant ‘metal’ pieces, I don’t think I should mind too much.”

“Okay...IDEA~! How about we come up with a song for each of you? Also, there’s one song about Equestria we HAVE to do, though it may not be about any of you.”

“Isn’t that a lot of songs though? That’s, what, 8 songs right there? I don’t mind not having one” Bonbon said.

“Yeah, I don’t know that I’m particularly interested in a song about me...” Shining explained.

“Can we do Anthropology again? I liked that one!”

“Yeah Lyra, we can do that one. Shouldn’t offend Octavia’s sensitivities about metal either.”

“H-Hey, I never said said it offended me...I just don’t know that I like it all that much.” Flip-flopping? Flip-flopping. Stupid tsundere women.

“Anyway, so we’ve got Anthropology and Discord. Yes, I know it’s about Discord but it’s a GREAT song. Let’s see... OH! I know one for you Octavia. You’ll definitely enjoy your battle theme. It’s even classical like you enjoy.”

“Mmmm, if you say so...” She didn’t look so sure but I knew she’d like it.

“Trust me on that one. Let’s see.... We HAVE to do the Brony Metal Medley. It may not be to your liking Octavia, but that piece of music, based on some of your own, i s one of the most Kickass compositions we’ve made.” She frowned but said nothing.

“What about me? Don’t I have an awesome songs?” Vinyl...Of course, what was I thinking?

“Wellll..I do know one that you should enjoy. Spin That Record is about you AND your kind of techno.”

She thought about it and nodded. “Sure, why not. If you think it’s good, it probably is.”

First, I played each song for them from memory, one by one. Afterwards, we practiced each song a few times til they got the hang of it. The minecraft sun went up and down twice and all of them were getting better at the songs. Octavia was even looking like she really did enjoy the metal song towards the end of each performance. The CMC spent most of their time playing around but occasionally watched and even joined in with our performances. They weren’t half bad with their voices. Must have taken vocal lessons or something after their talent show.

We were about halfway through playing Anthropology for the third time on the 5th day, when something triggered in the back of my mind. Suddenly, all of us stood in a wet rainforest. I cringed as I recognized the scene. Once already during my 24 years in the dream world, I had come across it. The “Slayer of Saigon” memory. Knowing it well, I watched my bandmates reactions to it. All of them went from surprised to intrigued, to shocked. They finally settled on sad as the memory ended; except for Octavia, who turned and stared at me, her eyes pinpricks with fear and pity.

“Was that...was that you?” Her lips trembled as she asked.

“...Yes. Yes it was, from when I was human. I guess I better give an explanation, huh? Alright. Before I came to Equestria, I worked for a corporation known as the SCP. When I joined them, they locked away the majority of my memories before my induction; this was one of those memories. Many more of them are locked away somewhere in this dream world. Besides practicing, we’ll likely be spending a large amount of time searching for these memories to help me. But for now, we better go get the Crusaders; they’re the only ones missing such that we would have seen that when they found it.”

“...I’m sorry. I never knew-”

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s find the Crusaders.”

Considering I knew exactly where the memory as, it didn’t take long to get them. I gave them a bit of a dumbed down version of what I’d just told my band. After that, the Crusaders didn’t wander far anymore and we spent the rest of the time practicing.

Waking up in the morning only a day after your last one but spending 8 in between is REALLY disconcerting. Definitely throws of one’s sense of time. Still, we’d reach Trottingham today with no issues. In fact, that’s just what we did. Nothing interesting happened for the seven hours we walked there.

Walking into town, I was immediately glared at by every pony I passed. Geez, I guess changelings really haven’t been apart of society for long.

“Get that THING out of here! What kind of ponies are you, walking with such trash!?” Ponies were starting to speak up.

Cadence spoke up. “Hush citizens! Do not judge the book by it’s cover. Come to our concert later, and we will show you that changelings are not to be feared.”

Ponies were shocked. Apparently Cadence, the walking candy pony, was not easily noticeable. Somehow. Dipsticks. The gawkers left, grumbling to themselves.

“Let’s hurry to the town hall and avoid more of that.” Cadence whispered. So we did. It wasn’t hard to find. We got inside hurriedly.

“Um...we’re here to see or make an appointment with the mayor. Is he in?” I asked the receptionist.

Without looking up, she moved her head to the calendar, pressed a button and said “Mayor, there is a group here to see you. Can you take them now?”

The reply came back “Certainly. I’m not busy at the moment.”

“The mayor will see you now.”

“Thank you.” We wandered back to the big doors where he was obviously sitting behind.

A deep purple stallion with a white mane greeted us. And scowled at me. DESE PONIEZ IS SO RACIST!

Hey, Trottingham is nowhere near as bad as Stalliongrad! They wanted to put a muzzle on Spike!

Twi, hon, NOWHERE was as bad as Stalliongrad...

“What brings you, ah, ponies to my fine town? I warn you, I don’t want any trouble.” His expression was stern.

I spoke. ”We were coming to perform a concert and were hoping you could point us to a hall we could perform at.”

“And what would YOU want to host a concert for? Getting affection from adoring fans? Disgusting.” Jeez, this guy. Cadence stepped forward

“If I may, mayor, we are simply here to spread happiness throughout the world, at the behest of Princess Celestia herself.”

“P-P-Princess Cadence!? F-For Celestia? Why d-didn’t you say so!? Uhm...you have to have a license to play in town. There’s a bureau a couple doors down. H-Have a nice day! I look f-forward to tomorrow.” Hah, ponies hear Celestia’s name and they’ll do anything. Need to work on that....

“Thank you sir, we’ll be out of your mane now.” We left the hall and spotted the agency nearby.

Ponies all around avoided our group. Ponies are so racist!

“We entered the bureau and by some stroke of luck, there was NO line! At a government bureau! If only it was like this on Earth.... Sigh. The pony at the desk looked up.

“What can I help..you...No. We don’t serve his kind here.” The lavender mare looked directly at me. Well EXCUUUSE me!

“In fact, what is he doing outside of a prison? Guards!” She yelled.

“Now wait just a minute here! I’ll have you know I’m a Knight of Equestria! Haven’t you read the newspapers?!” I was really getting tired of the racism. Sure, changelings tried to rule Equestria three months or so ago but you’d think they’d get over that when CELESTIA stepped in!

“What? How could you possibly be a knight? You’re a changeling!”

Once again, Cadence had to step in. “I can personally vouch for his abilities and loyalties. In any case, we came here to acquire a license to play our music in the city. Can you help us with that?” Thank you Cadence. I hope that doesn’t become a recurring theme.

“P-Princess Cadence??” Same stutter and everything. Her eyes flicked between me and Cadence. “I suppose I could set you up...What’s the name of your group?” Ohhhh, we get to say it~!

“We are The Champions of the wooooorld. We plan on playing tomorrow.”

“Right...Well, there’s some paperwork to do for each of you...” UGH. Stupid governments with stupid paperwork.

All up, it took us 30 minutes to finish all the paperwork, though it seemed like much longer.

“As, it’s good to see...that it’s all in order. Now then, there is a processing fee. 1200 bits.”

“1200 bits!?” Octavia shouted, followed close behind by the rest of us, “That’s outrageous!”

“That’s what it is, sorry.” She grinned. Oh she just thinks we won’t pay. Grrrr....stupid racist ponies. We gathered together away from her desk.

“Okay, so how much do we each have? I’ve got about 50 Celestia gave me for stuff.”

“Shining and I brought 300 total.”

“I’ve got 150.” Halfway there.

“I think I have about 175...”

“I have 225 on me.”

“And I have a nice even 200.”

“So.....Just enough. Shit, no hotel tonight guys. Guess we’ll just have to stay in the park.” Such is the life of a new band.

Octavia didn’t look happy. I smiled sheepishly and she turned her head away. “Fine, if we must.”

“I was looking forward to a bed.... But camping isn’t so bad.” Lyra quipped.

“Maybe the next town won’t be so against changelings!”

I smiled “I’m glad you all are okay with this.”

We went and paid for the license and waited around for awhile while it processed. The mare was shocked we had paid and not swindled her; she still gave me angry glances while we waited. It took a long time, In fact, it was night time before we finally go the license.

“Thank you ma’am. We’ll be on our way.” With that we wandered to the park, where camping was allowed. The sun was just setting, leaving us just enough time to set up our tents and eat.

“Tomorrow is going to be a good day, Champions. A new start. We will take the world by storm and they will LIKE it! This trip may- no, it WILL change the way Equestria sees things! Too long have the outer lands suffered under slavery. Too long have the dragons taken whatever they pleased. Too Long have the Changelings starved because of fear and prejudice! We will take Equestria, Gem Fido, the Griffin Dominion, and the Changeling Wastelands, and we will help them overcome. Tomorrow is a new day for the world. Let’s make it be the best it can!”

“YEAH!” With that, we went to our tents, entering the dream world again.

Arriving in the dream world, we held off on anymore exploring and decided to practice and think about our next show, in Dredgemane.

Each practice session generally lasted about three hours, leaving us plenty of time to talk about the band, starting day 1.

“So, we obviously can’t do the same songs every time. What do you guys want? Besides some classical Octavia.” Her mouth closed and she glowered at me, swallowing what she was about to say. Zing!

“Don’t worry we’ll do SOME classical. Just for you Tavi.”

“Don’t call me that! You have to earn that right.”

“Anyway, ideas. I know a LOT of music, so hit me with what you’re looking for.”

“Well, I don’t know about music yet but what about a flag or somthing? Don’t bands normally have an emblem?” Lyra asked.

…..

WHY HADN’T I THOUGHT OF THAT!?

“Lyra! You beautiful, brilliant mare!” She blushed as Bonbon scowled at me. “How could I have forgotten!? Alright guys, here’s the plan. You all know how to do stuff in here pretty well. We’re going to have a graphic design contest. Everybody, meet back here in a day and we’ll go vote. Off with ye!” And so went the first day, in between practices.

“Well it’s..uh...certainly big girls.” The Crusaders had decided it would be a good idea to make their graphic take up 81 chunks. What does that mean? It means it was way too big and we had to fly to see it properly.
High.

And only two of us had wings, meaning me and Cadence had to carry them all up one by one to see.

And then it was... I’m not sure what it was. All I knew is that I’d have to let them know we weren’t going to use it. Eventually

“But do you like it?”

“Can we use it!?”

“I hope I get my cutie marking in designing!”

“We’ll...see girls. Let’s go see the other ones first.”

“...Lyra, what is this?”

“Weeelllll, I may have gotten so busy making a fort I forgot to draw more than a rectangle... Sorry!”

“I guess that’s one less option...”

“...Isn’t this just the Crystal Kingdom Flag? And where did Cadence go?”

“Well....I’m not very creative or good at art and Cadence...kinda spent more time playing hero, slaying monsters. She’s probably hiding. So.....yeah....”

“Ugh, fine. Next.

“This isn’t too bad Vinyl. I figured you liked bright colors but how did you make neon wool?” Her design consisted of six neon rings all connecting in the center like a 6-part venn diagram.

“I have my ways.”

“Well, at least there’s on- two that we can vote on” Hope the Crusaders didn’t hear my slip-up.

“Wow. I love it. This is great Octavia! I’m incredibly surprised you came up with this.” She blushed, smiling at my compliment. It was a rather simple design. First and foremost was Chrysalis’s face grinning out from the center of the image. Next were wings with holes that fit into the wing pattern like on the Hylian Crest (Legend of Zelda for you unknowledgeables). Just below that was the crystal heart with some black trim. It was really cool!

“I’m... glad you like it. I believe it’s time to vote now?”

“Yes! Everyone, let’s gather at the houses and vote.”

After regathering we took a vote. Octavia won, hands, er, hoofs down. Like seriously, it was that awesome.

“SO! I am proud to announce that the lovely Octavia has created a beautiful logo for our band! Three cheers for Octavia!” Her blush was bright as a tomato while we cheered for her.

“Now then! We have a logo but we still don’t have the hearts of ponies. Let’s practice now and get this show on the road!...And maybe come up with some other songs for the stop after this. Sound good?”

“Yeah!” came the reply

“To practice!”

After another day of practice, we sat down to think up some more songs for the next stop, Dredgemane, mining metropolis of Equestria.

“So this time, we did personal themes. What do we want to do in Dredgemane?
PIrates? Rock Gods? Or just more Brony Music?”

“I’ll be entirely honest, for a city such as Dredgemane, ‘Heavy Metal’ may work best.” Was that Octavia!? SERIOUSLY!?

“Uh...wait, did you just say what I think you said?”

“Yes, I did. I’ve been to Dredgemane before. They’re everything that Canterlot isn’t. Loud, boisterous, and volatile.”

“Not to mention a LOT friendlier.” Vinyl interjected, a proud and happy grin on her face. “And a LOT harder to scare, too.”

“Heavy metal it is then! Oh, I have so much in mind! We can do some Five Finger Death Punch and a couple Metallica songs and maybe even some Iron Maiden! Or we could...”

I may have ranted.

A lot.

Eventually, we, er, I came up with a playlist of songs for Dredgemane. It took another Minecraft day to get to that point though. I learned later that everybody left me ranting and went to work on their houses while I determined our song list.

We still had five days in the dream world, which we spent learning the new songs and practicing the old ones. Cadence had the most problems learning the new songs. She wasn’t used to the gravelly vocals the songs required and, in the end, wasn’t really able to sing them. Her voice just didn’t work like that.

We found a triangle for her.

I’m not really sure how we worked it into the songs but she definitely played!

You should probably give the full playlist for Trottingham....

But then there’s no surprise! Look, they’ll find out when I talk about the actual concert. Pleeeease?

Ugh, fine.

The end of our final Minecraft day closed in. The band lined up in front of me on my stage I’d built while in stasis. Did I give a speech before? Suuure. But this one would knock their unfortunate, non-existent socks off!

“Fillies and Gentlecolts! We are here today..To rock those ponies’ worlds! We are here to blast their brains with our music! Make them dance! Sing! AND BE MERRY! To change their outlook! To change their attitudes! To change their way of life! You know this. I know this. They don’t yet...but they will. Too long has Equestria gone on in blissful ignorance and blind prejudice! Tomorrow is the beginning of a new Equis. That’s my dream. Join me?”

“YES! FOR EQUIS!” the band responded

“FOR EQUIS! Let’s go knock their unfortunate, non-existent socks off!” They were pumped.

Nailed it.

A few hours after a wonderful lunch during which Shining and Cadence had a small food fight, we were ready. Thankfully, the town had a concert hall that we were allowed to use for free. I think the mayor was just glad to see it being used. But this was it. Curtain time.

I stepped onto the stage in my humanesque form, to face the chattering crowd filled with ponies. The crowd was instantly silent, before a few comments about changelings surfaced. “Fillies and Gentlecolts! It’s so great to be in Trottingham.” Some smoke started creeping onto the stage, courtesy of Vinyl. “And we are here today...” The smoke was rising quickly. “To rock!” The fog obscured my vision. “Your!” The band moved into position. “World!”

The ponies went silent as the music started. Worry started to show on their snouts and the smoke kept us hidden, revealing only our silhouettes and eyes. Sparks flew around us. I stepped forward as the song shifted and “blew fire” from my mouth. Some ponies screamed but remained where they stood.

Soon, we began stomping in time with the music. At the next long trumpet blast, more fire erupted from our mouths and fell into glittering dust over the crowd. The song ended and the smoke turned to fiery images above our heads. I busted out the solo to the next song as a flaming image of the song played out above us.

An old cowpoke went ridin' out one dark and windy day,
Upon a ridge he rested as he went along his way
When all at once a mighty herd of red eyed cows he saw
Come rushin' through the ragged skies and up a cloudy draw.

Ghostly forms of fire, smoke and brimstone wove back and forth above the ponies and in the flaming images above us.

Their brands were still on fire and their hooves were made of steel
Their horns were black and shiny and their hot breath you could feel
A bolt of fear went through him as they thundered through the sky
He saw the riders coming hard... and he heard their mournful cry

The fiery horses and cowboys let loose bloodcurdling whinnies and screeches. The ponies covered their ears.

Yipie i ay Yipie i oh
Ghost riders in the sky.

Their face is gaunt their eyes were blurred their shirts all soaked
with sweat
They're ridin' hard to catch that herd but they 'aint caught 'em yet
'cause they've got to ride forever in the range up in the sky
On horses snorting fire as they ride hard hear them cry

Yipie i ay Yipie i oh
Ghost riders in the sky.

The ponies were getting into it and joined us in the chorus.

Yipie i ay Yipie i oh
Ghost riders in the sky.
Ghost riders in the sky.
Ghost riders in the sky.

The final solo busted out from my guitar and the flames shifted to surround the crowd and acted like one of those movie-coasters you see in amusements parks.

“Let’s get this started!” I shouted after the song ended, the fire and smoke disappearing. The crowd roared in response.

The lyrics for the next song poured out in a blaze of blue fire and Vinyl lit up the stage with simple colored mage lights, the rest of the area still dark.

Proud and so glorious standing the four of us
Our swords will shine bright in the sky
When united we come to the land of the sun
With the heart of a dragon we ride

We are flying on wings in winter sky with fire burning deep inside
We are warriors of endless time forever and on
On wings of steel an ancient flight we see the powers that unite
The gods will now send us a sign of battle once more

The effect was immediate and profound as the the ponies began moshing. Hell, Cadance tossed aside her triangle and began dancing on the stage! Dat pony got MOVES!

Through the valley we ride full of glory we soar
Where the fights will be raging for now and for more
When united we come and divided they fall
Tonight you will witness it all

Proud and so glorious standing the four of us
Our swords will shine bright in the sky
When united we come to the land of the sun
With the heart of a dragon we ride

I smiled while I sang. This felt good. Vinyl, Lyra and Cadence joined me for “four of us” part of the song.

A land unknown we come so far
We ride the night till morning star
When colours fade to black and white
Your eyes come to sight

With the vision of a great divide
You turn towards the other side
You think you run but you can't hide
The dead can not ride

The ponies were loving every minute of it.

Through the valley we ride full of glory we soar
Where the fights will be raging for now and for more
When united we come and divided they fall
Tonight you will witness it all

Proud and so glorious standing the four of us
Our swords will shine bright in the sky
When united we come to the land of the sun
With the heart of a dragon we ride

Which was good because DAMN this song was fast! It felt like my hands were on fire - and when I looked down, discovered they actually were.

Over high seas and mountains
We fly to the heavens on wings of a dragon tonight

As I saw the other members of the band, they all had burning fingertips, each a different color. Rainbow fire looked pretty cool.

Proud and so glorious standing before of us
Our swords will shine bright in the sky

Visions of dragons and mountains shifted above us, forming out of the flames at our fingertips.

Proud and so glorious standing the four of us
Our swords will shine bright in the sky
When united we come to the land of the sun
With the heart of a dragon

As the last chorus rang out, a small show of fireworks went up from us.

The heart of a dragon
The heart of a dragon we ride

We arrived to our last intro song. Yes, this is still just the introduction.

I'm not insane
That's how it seems though
Spiteful cruel but wise
Beyond his age
My body fails
My soul will rise

No lights accompanied the beginning of the next song.

The end of life's immortalized disease and agony
And I see death through golden eyes
Beyond the door
There's something more
It seems there's just one way

Without warning, shining golden eyes erupted above us and stared at the crowd, roving as though searching for something.

On through the heat
I've felt the touch of evil
I still feel the icy claw in me

For a decent price
I've banned kindness from my heart
The spirit of all truth and beauty
Pawned for my desire

It lost form and spread throughout the crowd in a fog, retaining it’s gold color.

And from the flames
As chance would have it
the soulforged will come into light
And from the flames as chance would have it
The soulforged,
The stainless will rise

I will never change my mind
I will leave it all behind

The whole area became a rippling field of gold, pillars and mounds rising and falling in time with the music.

And through the hour glass
Everything's grey
Everyone's pale
No colour nor beauty will enlighten my heart
The seat of life's empty and cold
Cadaverous you all seem to me
Stillborn but you're still alive
You're still alive

Truth lies in loneliness
When hope is long gone by
I'll wipe out the bliss of the new age
And welcome you precious night

Swirls of gold and other colors spun throughout the crowd and above it. Humanoid figures battled, fell and rose again.

And from the flames
As chance would have it
the soulforged will come into light
And from the flames as chance would have it
The soulforged,
The stainless will rise

The solo was filled with golden men flying through a golden starry night.

From a distant time
Voices echo in the hall
"Come and join us
Enter life and everything is gone now"

Soon, the golden eyes returned, watching the scene before it and leaving the gold fog where it was.

And through the looking glass
I still fear mortality and its loss in the end
Unlimited power in my hands
The claw of the dragon ascends
"Mourn for his lost soul
He's cursed and condemned"

Each step I take
May it hurt may it ache
Leads me further
Away from the past
But as long as I breathe
Each smile in my bleak face
I'm on my way to find
Back to the peace of mind

At the final segment of the song, gold flames rose slowly up consuming the eyes.

And from the flames
As chance would have it
the soulforged will come into light
And from the flames as chance would have it
The soulforged,
The stainless will rise

I will never change my mind
I will leave it all behind

All the lights disappeared and the room was dark.

The next song started up with burst of red, blue and green light accompanying the first notes before the entire rom turned into a legitimate rave arena. Only thing missing was neon paint and blacklights. Hell, me, Cadance, Shining, and the CMC began doing zany backflips and spinning our heads, bouncing around like a sextuplet of complete morons, just having fun with the wild beat.

Vinyl stepped to the front with her magic turntables, horn glowing to keep up the magic lights. She wasn’t even breaking a sweat. All the practice was worth it.

Until the drop, ponies simply flailed wildly Vinyl headbanging along. After that, something new took over.

Every single one got into lines and acted like they were playing the insane Dance Dance Revolution songs one might see in an arcade. But they did it all in time with each other. Quite the sight. nd just as the final crechendo approached, who else would pop out of nowhere but MOTHERBUCKING PINKIE PIE!

“WHEEE! Let’s Go! She shouted, having appeared from within Vinyl’s mane. And just as quickly she danced away behind a pole far too thin for her to hide behind nd vanished. literally, it’s like she vanished, and I could see the pole from behind!

Eventually the wild flailing took over again and the song ended the way it began, with a couple of strobe flashes and then silence.

The tone shifted dramatically for the next song. Everything had a heavy beat. Now? Anthropology.

Human beings fascinate me, being just the way they are!
Tell me, little pony, can you push a cart or drive a car?
Lyre is my instrument, but humans strum their sweet guitar
It's a mystery, anthropology!

Such a wacky song. Lyra took this time to pull out from...somewhere, a whiteboard and started drawing all over it and pointing everywhere with a baton.

Fingers, toes and tiny noses, brownish hair and tannish skin
Would it be too much to ask to see the world they're living in?
Everybody tells me that it's old and fake mythology
It's a mystery, anthropology!

Also, Jazzy. What did these ponies do? Waltz. THEY FUCKING WALTZED! I mean, really?

Aren't you bored of brushing your coat, styling your mane with your hooves?
I don't mean to butt in or gloat, but ancient history proves...

Humans don't have wings or magic. They don't need it; they don't care!
All they've got's imagination, new inventions everywhere!
Babies, children, teens and elders, all alike have clothes to wear
It's so real to me, anthropology!

Lyra’s arms became a blur as pictures of people, cars, and all manner of human items appeared and were wiped away just as quickly.

Albert Einstein, Cleopatra, William Shakespeare, Elton John,
Michael Phelps, Barack Obama...who's to say that they're all gone?
Maybe humans like us too and dress like us at Comic-Con? ;)
It's so real to me, anthropology!

Yeah, they've had a couple of fights,
Nobody's perfect you see,
Still I say I'm born with the rights
to study whatever I please!

Lyra’s arms were impossible to follow. even the images on the whiteboard were being erased too fast to be seen.

I don't need to horse around now, I can stand on two legs!
I would trade my magic powers for a pair of new legs!
Grab your camera, come on, zoom in!
'Cause your favorite mare's a human,
ME!

That is who I'll be!
Anthropology! shh.

At the end, she sank to her back knees and threw her forelegs up.

As Lyra walked back into position, the fog returned with a vengeance. I shifted to as close as I could get to looking like Discord.

Lights roamed over the crowd from above. I did a pretty good Discord laugh if I do say so myself, a light from behind creating my silhouette in the fog.

I'm not a fan of puppeteers but I've a nagging fear
someone else is pulling at the strings
Something terrible is going down through the entire town
wreaking anarchy and all it brings

The lights moved faster and faster and the fog rushed out. A pedestal rose from the ground with me on it, back to my humanling form.

I can't sit idly, no, I can't move at all
I curse the name, the one behind it all...

Discord, I'm howlin' at the moon
And sleepin' in the middle of a summer afternoon
Discord, whatever did we do
To make you take our world away?

The ponies loved it, despite being about one of their most hated villains. They spent their time jumping up and down, forehooves raised in the air.

DISCOOOOOOORD!

I'm fine with changing status quo, but not in letting go
Now the world is being torn apart
A terrible catastrophe played by your symphony,
what a terrifying work of art!

I can't sit idly, no, I can't move at all
I curse the name, the one behind it all...

I couldn’t help but belt out as much zany fast fancy footwork as I could manage. It’s impossible to NOT dance to this song!

Discord, I'm howlin' at the moon
And sleepin' in the middle of a summer afternoon
Discord, whatever did we do
To make you take our world away?

Discord, are we your prey alone,
Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne?
Discord, we won't take it anymore
So take your tyranny away!

After the first couple of verses, I shifted back to Discord and did circles in the air before laughing.

DISCOOOOOOORD!
DISCOOOOOOORD!

I disappeared behind a pillar to shift back during the dubstep section.

Discord, I'm howlin' at the moon
And sleepin' in the middle of a summer afternoon
Discord, whatever did we do
To make you take our world away?

Discord, are we your prey alone,
Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne?
Discord, we won't take it anymore
So take your tyranny away!

DISCOOOOOOORD!
DISCOOOOOOORD!

I was back out on my pedestal for the final chorus, disguised as Discord, laughing once more as the song ended.

For the next song, Octavia shifted to the front. As she played, Vinyl made little music colored music notes float out of the cello at high speeds. The notes would hit strange targets in the air, formless blobs of light.

As the song progressed, more and more bits came out, strings of light whipping over ponies’ heads, balls of fire launching and dispersing through the crowd harmlessly..

Everything radiated around Octavia as she played, shifting with the song. Ponies would bounce through the musical lights streaming out. Some younger ones would jump and try to catch the light, only to have it float elsewhere.

Towards the end, the dying notes of the song gradually pulled the radiating light to form around Octavia, giving her the appearance of wearing armor made of shifting colors.The lights went dark with the last few notes.

The lights rose again for the next song. Lightning flashed across the sky. Our eyes glowed and then the room lit up and we rocked out.

Throughout, light shone out from around us, changing with each song. Images from the songs in the medley flickered behind us. Lights burst from beneath our feet, briefly showering an individual member in color. Looking out at the ponies rocking along, I hoped all our musical revelations would go this smoothly. Something told me they wouldn’t but one could hope.

From black to yellow, from rainbows to gray, all manner of flickering and sparkle rose around us, bathing us in motes of light. I’m so glad this is my job now, this rules. Seems cadance and the CMC are having a ball of a time as back-up dancers, scorching the stage with some fancy hoofwork that even I’d have trouble pulling off.

The motes moved and formed semblances of soundwaves fluctuating with the beat. As the song completed, the lights faded to normal And just as I got to shift into twilight Sparkle to say ‘It’s not over yet’, who should pop back up again but Pinkie Pie to go ‘Well DUH!’

I stepped forward ”Alright! How did you like that?”

“WOOOOO!” ”YEAH!” KEEP IT UP SWEET STUFF!” Wait, what? ”MORE, MORE!”

“Good! We have one more song for you this evening but we;’d like any and all musicians here in Trottingham to join us! Rock with us! Don’t be shy!”

Ponies stormed on stage, pulling instruments from wherever it is they stuck such things. Once there were no more ponies coming on stage, with none other than the mayor joining Shining Armor at the drums, I spoke again “Let’s get this party started!”

Hard Rock Hallelujah!
Hard Rock Hallelujah!

Lights dimmed and I started headbanging with the pony musicians.

The saints are crippled
On this sinners' night
Lost are the lambs with no guiding light

The walls come down like thunder
The rock's about to roll
It's the arockalypse
Now bare your soul

I pointed at the crowd

All we need is lightning
With power and might
Striking down the prophets of FALSE
As the moon is rising
Give us the sign
Now let us rise up in awe

Rock 'n Roll angels bring thyn Hard Rock Hallelujah
Demons and angels all in one have arrived
Rock 'n Roll angels bring thyn Hard Rock Hallelujah
In God's creation supernatural high

Lights flashed with each hard strum of my guitar. It seemed so much louder than normal. I really did like this song after all.

The true believers
Thou shall be saved
Brothers and sisters, keep strong in the faith

On the day of Rockoning
It's who dares, wins
You will see the jokers soon'll be the new kings

A jester’s hat of light on my head morphed into a crown.

All we need is lightning
With power and might
Striking down the prophets of FALSE
As the moon is rising
Give us the sign
Now let us rise up in awe

Lightning bolts passed around with no sound.

Rock 'n Roll angels bring thyn Hard Rock Hallelujah
Demons and angels all in one have arrived
Rock 'n roll angels bring thyn Hard Rock Hallelujah
In God's creation supernatural high

Wings on my back
I got horns on my head
My fangs are sharp
And my eyes are red
Not quite an angel
Or the one that fell
Now choose to join us or go straight to Hell

Hard Rock Hallelujah!
Hard Rock Hallelujah!
Hard Rock Hallelujah!
Hard Rock Yeah!

Rock 'n Roll angels bring thyn Hard Rock Hallelujah
Demons and angels all in one have arrived
Rock 'n Roll angels bring thyn Hard Rock Hallelujah
In God's creation supernatural high

Hard Rock Hallelujah!

With that we all held our hooves in the air, punctuating the night.

The crowd erupted. I swear I saw non-pegasi flying all over the room. we got mauled and crowd surfed, at first on the pony musicians and then by the crowd. They carried us into the fading sun as the whole band laughed and whooped with the ponies. Octavia wasn’t entirely thrilled but took it with a smile regardless. Cadence and Shining were definitely enjoying themselves, while Vinyl looked right at home. Probably done it a lot before after all. A great concert all in all.

The mayor, who kicked serious flank on the drums, sent a message ahead of us to Dredgemane saying and I quote “Mayor Gem! You have an amazing band coming your way! They just played their first concert here in Trottingham and I have never had so much fun. I even got to join in on their last song! If you can, find somewhere for this amazing group to stay. You won’t regret it!”

That only left one issue… The CMC.

“Look girls, now that we’re done at Trottingham, you have to go home. You sisters and Zeta will be incredibly worried!” I said, not bothering to mention that Zeta would most likely maul me.

“But that was so awesome!” Oh Scootaloo.” Why can’t we stay? We helped, right?”

“That’s not it, we just can’t have you out here with us! We could get in real danger and might not be able to protect you!” Octavia spoke up.

“But, Ah wanna stay and hang out with you guys! Maybe we can get our cutie marks being stage helpers or somethin’!”

“Girls, we can’t…” Shining began.

“Pleeeeease??” Oh, not the puppy eyes. Anything but that.

The rest of us sighed. Alright” I said “But only if you send a letter back saying you’re okay.”

“YAY! CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS STAGE CREW!” How do they get that loud?

The girls each wrote a letter to their guardian and Shining sent it to Celestia with a note to get them to Spike.

We spent one more night in Trottingham, this time on the town, and left in the morning.

We can do this. We WILL do this. To Dredgemane!

Author's Note

I've got two words for you lot....

Weee'reee baaaaaack!

FNTK Chapter 22: High Tension

As we left Trottingham the next day, we were riding high on our success. That first day of travel passed quickly, our thoughts entirely focused on how we were going to go about the next concert and what Dredgemane might be like. Octavia gave us some idea but considering her attitude, I figured she probably hadn’t seen everything the town had to offer. Even our 8 days of night practice went quickly, as we completely focused ourselves on the upcoming show.

The following day, it rained. No thunder or lightning but definitely rain. Lots of it. While Cadence, Vinyl and Lyra could keep the water from the sky out, we couldn’t do anything about the mud. It could have been worse but the day was still pretty miserable. Octavia complained quite often, even with her gradual - very gradual - attitude change and Vinyl calming her down. We all stayed pretty far apart during the minecraft world that night.

The next day was bright and hot. Our emotions were still a little frazzled from the previous and so the heat and humidity was getting to us. None of us really felt like talking and we were all pretty snappy. Especially me, since I had been dragging all of them the entire way. Even I yelled at some of the others. By midday, we hit a breaking point.

“No Vinyl! I’m done with this. I’m going back to Canterlot away from these bestial ruffians. I can be in their presence no longer!”

“Yeah, well screw you too Tavi!”

“You have no right to call me that name, changeling filth!”

“Lyra, can we please go back to Ponyville? These two are the largest asses I’ve ever met and I’m good friends with Cranky Doodle.”

“I don’t need to take such insults from you, changeling hussy!”

“You take that back snob! Bon Bon is a great pony!”

“Hey, leave Tavi alone! Just because you won’t understand-”

“Understand? All of you can’t keep quiet for long enough to hear any of us talk!”

“Well excuuuuse me, princess. Does her pretty pink highness want a fight?”

“Can it, shiny butt. I bet you moaned like a whore for Chrysalis.”

“Oh now. It. Is. ON!”

As the music kicked in from seemingly nowhere, the ‘music world’ sprung up around us and the surroundings dropped away as the ground morphed into a blue-wired platform.

I don’t think Brawl was meant for 10 players.

I was clad in the eponymous green tunic the Link wears in every game. All of my compatriots were standing on their hind legs. Cadence was done up in Princess Zelda’s dress, while Scootaloo donned a similar tunis to mine, only with less detail. On the other side of me, in matching pink and blue parkas stood Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom as the Ice Climbers. Shining Armor… was dressed up in a Mewtwo suit and I could barely contain my laughter at how ridiculous he looked. Lyra was looking pretty kickass dressed up like Fox, while Bon Bon had a Kirby hat on. Octavia had picked up the full suit of Ganondorf’s armor. This left Samus, who had to have been Vinyl.

I grinned as the music picked up. Their beatdown was going to be enjoyable!

A dusky shadow floated in the air near the glowing blue stage. Two eyes, teal and draconic, observed the fight unfolding beneath her. The changeling, Knightmare, threw the first punch, or swing, as it were, slicing at the frilly pink alicorn. This was followed by the white stallion psychically flinging the green-clad changeling towards the edge of the platform. Elsewhere, the armor clad unicorn was firing beams of energy at the hat-wearing fake earth pony, while the gray mare kicked and punched at the blaster-toting, green-coated mare. The three fillies lacked the anger held by their adult counterparts and simply had fun jumping around and hitting each other.

All according to plan. The shadow smiled as it saw the first victim lose, watching the costumed white stallion fall ungracefully off the stage. The other players, it seemed, were a little better at their respective roles. Knightmare was doing an expert job racking up damage on the others, taking swipes at anyone he passed in his current duel with the cellist. The DJ was busy getting sucked up by the female changeling, whose hat changed from the pink thing to the helmet on the spacesuited mare.

A bright flash alerted the shadow to the next loser, which she determined to be the pegasus filly after a quick scan of the battlefield. The mint green unicorn was engaged in a series of punches and kicks against the candy colored alicorn. Miss cosmopolitan-ice-cream mane was, however, proving quite the worthy foe, gracefully dodging here and there, all while striking out with her clothed hooves or magic.

Two more flashes and both the cellist and the paired fillies were absent from the stage. Knightmare had fixed his sights on the other changeling and with a swipe of his sword, she was sent flying offstage, accompanied by the familiar pillar of light. At the other end of the stage, a fiery explosion slammed the lyricist unicorn to the void below the stage.

The emotions are getting the better of them. With those two falls, Knightmare and Cadence were the last two participants. As they rounded on each other, the shadow extended tendrils down, whispering dark thoughts as they went. The changeling was receptive but as her tendrils approached the alicorn of love, her shadows bounced away. For the briefest of moments, Cadence’s eyes darted outwards, piercing the darkness. The shadow drew back quickly, not wishing to make herself known yet. She growled at her failure to affect the alicorn.

But it matters not. Knightmare shall serve my purposes. There will be time to twist them all later. the two charged each other. Knightmare’s blade became a flurry of slices. Cadence dodged back, and sent a fireball at her opponent, which he ducked under to stab at her back hooves. She tripped, but did a back hoofspring to land back on her hind legs, instantly rushing forward magic outstretched. Knightmare threw up his shield just in time, and leapt into the air above her.

Knightmare drove his sword down - but Cadence moved and smashed him sideways off the stage. Knightmare jumped and spun, but to no avail. The bright flash accompanying his death was satisfying to Cadence. The shadow frowned, but dismissed her doubt, and slunk back into the darkness as the real world faded back into view.

I groaned as I sat back up off the muddy ground. Cadence had really done a number on me. She stood there above the rest of us, smug grin on her face. WHen she looked at me, the grin turned to a frown however. She looked to check that the rest of our friends were still getting up before pulling me to the side.

“Knightmare, something’s wrong.”

“What do you mean?” I cast her a questioning glance. Whatever anger I’d been experiencing seemed to have burned off.

“Something was watching us fight just now. Something dark. I only barely noticed it, at the very end.”

My eyebrows rose. “Something watching us?”

“Yes. I don’t know what it was but I think it was trying to influence us. That emotional outburst before the fight? Looking back on it, it seems really strange. I know I’m not normally like that, even on my worst days.”

I thought back to the fight we had, and realized she was right. “What should we do?” The others were finally rising to their feet.

“I don’t know Knightmare but we need to be careful.” She looked at me and I understood I was to keep this quiet. No need to worry people unless it became necessary.

We walked back to everybody else, who were apologizing to each other. I cleared my throat.

“Hey guys, I just wanted to say sorry for being so irritable earlier.“ A round of matching sentiments flowed back from them.

“Right! now that we have that taken care, let’s get back to it!” We gathered our things and restarted our travel towards Dredgemane.

As we walked along, I thought I heard something, possibly laughter, from where we were, but when I looked back, I saw nothing. Shrugging, I returned to the path. This concert was going to be amazing!

FNTK Reborn Chapter 7: PONY KOMBAT!!!!

"Is this a bad time?" I asked, genuinely innocent of the hell I had just unleashed.

For some reason, the moment my song was done, Chrysalis had pounced on me and was giving me one HELL of a death glare. Aside from saying she's got a nice, big ass, I don't really see how I'd insulted her. Maybe she could tell I wasn't a 'natural' changeling? Or not part of 'The Swarm'? Or maybe she just didn't like the kissy face I was making at her just now. Either way, she was on top of me, and while what was about to follow would be rough and painful, it sure as fuck wasn't gonna be sex.

"This...is a VERY bad time." Celestia said, glancing from me to the Queen, nodding her head and jutting out her horn. It seemed like she wanted me to.....Oooohhhhh, now I get it. OHSHIT!

"YIPPEE!" I shouted, barely moving my head in time to avoid the crushing force of Chrysalis' hoof coming down, shattering the thick tiles where my melon once was. I shove her off with my rear hooves and buzz away. "You want a fight? You've got one."

I breathed lightly, pulling back as she attacked again.

"Test your might...."

She charged again, and again, I zipped out of the way. Short bursts seemed easiest, almost like a Quickboost!

A what?

It’s where I use my wings to jump to the side. Remember when I showed Fluttershy how to do it?

Oooohhh!

"Test your might...."

She tried to strike me with a magic burst, but I grabbed my guitar and batted it away, accidentally shattering a bust of Celestia.

"Test your might...."

She sent several more blasts down range, and I opted to simply zip away, instead of trying to dodge them. Every last one clocked Blueblood in the face. Hehe, fuck Blueblood.

MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!

She blasted away with magic, whilst I danced around the throne room, dodging each blow.

I closed in and smacked her with the flat of my guitar.

She spun with the blow, and bucked me with one hoof into a wall.

Remembering my experiences in the Dream World, I began charging magic into my guitar, plucking at the threads of lightning and sending a spray of tiny jolts of electricity at her. I picked up the pace and the tiny, nearly-harmless spray became an immense torrent of electricity.

She countered by charging through the scorching torrent fearlessly, blasting energy spheres my way.

Thinking fast, I shifted into Shining Armor’s form, recalling the ability to imitate the unique abilities of those I mimicked, and brought up the strongest shield I could muster.

And it shattered after the first blow!

None of us, except Celestia and Luna, fully realised just how powerful Chrysalis was back then.

Considering you only knew her from the wedding, where she was malnourished to the point of inseanity, that’s not surprising....

I’m just thankful she’s a lot calmer when she’s actually well-fed.

You'n Me both, sister.

Trying to think quick, and, let’s be honest, damned desperate to not lose my, technically, third fight in this madhouse world, I began to shift forms at random, trying damned near everything that popped into my head.

I shifted into Twilight Sparkle, firing bolts of magic, to Rarity and flinging things, hell, I even tried to turn into Spike and breath fire! None of it worked to even slow Chrysalis down - she just fought harder!

“What the hell are you!? A goddess of war!?” I shouted, not expecting the response.

“And NOW he gets it!” Chrysalis cried, sending another spray of explosive magic at my face.

With one last act of desperation, I thought back to my days on earth. Namely, the video games I played.

Steve?? Nope, no way I’d dig my way outta this.

Cloud? Not likely, she’s way too fast.

Link? Possibly, but I dunno if I can mimic his armaments.

Mario? No, with this spray I wouldn’t reach full jump height before she KO’d me.

Luigi? Better chances, but same issue with Mario. What’s jumping going to do anyway?

LAHIRE? ....giant robot, good armor, really fast, and a built-in arsenal....yes please!

So I took the risk, and shifted into the mechanical masterpiece known as the LAHIRE-model Armored Core. Let me tell you this much I’ve learned. There’s two main types of changelings. Chrysallian and Pandoran. Chrysallians can become living beings, Pandorans can become inanimate objects. I can, somehow, become a LAHIRE, but it hurts like FUCKING HELL! Because I’m not a Pandoran changeling.

Not only did it hurt me, but I, on instinct, erected a Primal Armor shield: basically an entire shield made of changeling magic and (STUFF THAT I DON’T KNOW). The swirling green energy managed to keep Chrysalis’ magic attacks at bay long enough for me to recover, which was good. Because lemme tell you, seeing the world through robotic eyes for the first time is very disorienting....especially when you, technically, have TWENTY eyes.

As the pain faded and my mind began to fully process everything I was seeing, I was able to take stock of everything. My only offensive weapon, for now at least, was the Assault Armor, which, if my hunch was right, would probably obliterate the entire room, and probably the castle as well. That left me with one other option.

OverBoost.

By focusing a bit, I was able to pour intense energy into the engines on my back and, after a few seconds, flew out of the anti-magic bubble I made and plowed face first into Chrysalis, slamming her against the wall, and knocking us both unconscious.

*****

Nearly an hour later, I regained consciousness. In a hospital bed.

"Did someone get the number of that freight train?" I groaned.

"Not quite." responded a familiar, caring voice. I opened my eyes to see Celestia sitting by my side, her polished white fur almost as white as the painfully sterile room. "Though I'm beginning to think that making it so you can change into your favorite Armored Core was a bad idea. The doctors said it did a lot of damage to your muscles and bones, Chrysallian Changelings weren't built to change into non-living beings."

"OK. So LAHIRE-mode is a 'do or die' thing, amirite?"

"Pretty much, yeah." She seemed much more relaxed than I'd expected. Must be her getting used to me or something. "I see you're getting used to shape-shifting now. Who knows? Maybe, in due time, you'll be able to handle it better."

"Yeah. I'll say this much, my wings feel like they're on fire."

"Well, that Overboost? It...kinda DID set them on fire."

"I'm never gonna get to fly with these damn things, am I?"

"If you keep doing things like this? Not likely..."

"Goody. I come moonwalking into the throne room like I own the place, flirt with every mare in the room, and get in a brawl with Chrysalis for reasons I still don't fully understand. The nobles are probably screaming for my head."

"Maybe if you sang them a song?"

"Seriously!?" I check my skull for holes or signs of a concussion. "Wouldn't that be a BAD idea?"

"Not if you sang one that asked them just how bad you can be. Didn’t you notice they liked it?"

"Well...yeah. I mean how ba-....oh you....I REALLY like that idea. Have I ever mentioned you are best pony?"

"Once or twice." She grinned and helped me out of the gurney. I shook myself to limber up, and limped my way back to the throne room. Once inside, I saw, un-shockingly, a very VERY Large number of Nobles, some of which seemed amused at my arrival and others who look like they'd like to decapitate me immediately.

"Citizens of Equestria, my faithful subjects!" The solar diarch began. "As many of you have realized, we have a new member of our peaceful herd. However, he has a question for you all, so please, I ask of you, lend him your ears and answer him honestly."

She nodded to me, and I gulped, breathing deeply. I'm not going to be running about, just singing. Then I pulled out my guitar and begin playing.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just doing what comes naturally.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just following my destiny.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just doing what comes naturally.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? How bad can I possibly be?
Well there's a principle of nature (principle of nature)
That almost every creature knows.
Called survival of the fittest (survival of the fittest)
And check it this is how it goes.
The animal that eats gotta scratch and fight and claw and bite and punch.
And the animal that doesn't, well the animal that doesn't winds up someone else's lu-lu-lu-lu-lunch (munch, munch, munch, munch, munch)
I'm just sayin'.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just doing what comes naturally.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just following my destiny.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just doing what comes naturally
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? How bad can I possibly be?
There's a principle in business (principle in business)
That everybody knows is sound.
It says the people with the money (people with the money)
Make this ever-loving world go 'round
So I'm biggering my company, I'm biggering my factory, I'm biggering my corporate sign.
Everybody out there, take care of yours and me? I'll take care. of. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. (shake that bottom line)

I can't help but pull Luna and Celestia in, hugging them tightly before the three of us spun around and shook our rumps playfully, much to the giggles of the two lovely princesses.

Let me hear you say 'smogulous smoke' (smogulous smoke)
Schloppity schlop (schloppity schlop)
Complain all you want, it's never ever, ever, ever gonna stop.
Come on how bad can I possibly be?
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just building the economy.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? Just look at me pettin' this puppy.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? A portion of proceeds goes to charity.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? How bad can I possibly be? Let's see.
(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) All the customers are buying.
(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And the money's multiplying.
(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And the PR people are lying.
(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And the lawyers are denying.
(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) Who cares if a few trees are dying?
(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) This is all so gratifying.
How bad.
How bad can this possibly be!?

The song ended, and all of the less friendly nobles stormed out, whilst those who were amused by the song began cheering. The Princesses and I took a bow before stepping out, leaving the guards to announce that Day Court was adjourned.

"That could have gone better." I said, a bit bummed out at the rage-fest some of the nobles were.

"But it could have gone worse, too." Celestia stated, plain as day. Luna rolled her eyes; whether it's at my silliness, Celestia's obviousness, or the asshattery of the nobility, I still don't know to this damn day.

"Regardless, sister. The Grand Galloping Gala is tomorrow night." Luna sighed. Oh, goody, the GGG, the biggest, most BORING party ever... "I...do hope Sir Griffin arrives in time to 'liven things up'."

"As do I, sister." Celestia and Luna sighed, as do I. If this 'Griffin' dude is even a tenth of the badass that the princesses make him out to be, then he'd be guaranteed to awesomize the GGG. A guard galloped up to us and saluted Celestia.

"Your majesties. The 'Possibility' is requesting permission to dock to the castle's fifth tower! Sir Griffin has arrived!" He sounded panicked, scared even. But, apparently, 'Sir' Griffin is here! Now I'll get to meet one of the dudes I'm supposed to spy on! And just in time for one KICKASS party! Without a word, the three of us zipped through the castle, with Celestia leading us through more shortcuts and hidden passages than I'd have expected in this damn castle.

Did I mention what a bloody maze it is? I STILL get lost

In barely a minute we traversed the entire castle in time to see the massive, beautiful airship dock. The Possibility. Mein GOTT it's like a flying diamond! Beautiful, and yet indestructible! A true Flying Fortress! ....Is that a laser cannon?

"Sir Griffin!" Celestia shouted. "Glad you could make it! And just in time to boot!" I saw her approach a griffin that looked downright badass, with a BFS that'd put the Buster Sword to shame, and none other than Trixie Lulamoon riding on his back....wait, is Trixie a CYBORG!? Since when did THAT happen!?

...Dare I ask what a BFS is?

Big Fucking Sword.

*sigh* Of course it is.

"Oh! Sister, should we introduce Sir Griffin to your new companion?" Luna piped up, making me realize that I was standing in plain sight, and that the scary-as-fuck badass PIRATE Gryphon was staring right the fuck at me.

"Ummmm.....Hi?" I said, trotting up closer, keeping Celestia between me and the resident mega-badass. ".....Do you like bananas?" I had to ask it.... I wanted to make sure. I know he's human but....I REALLY wanted to make sure that he's, y'know....A Brony. Like me...

"That depends, bug." Griffin says, clearly suspicious. "would you like 'em here? Or...."

"ON THA MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONAH, BEYEEEETCHAH!" The two of us shouted, almost in perfect tandem. It's official, Griffin is a brony, I'm no longer scared, and that was FUCKING AWESOME.

"OI!" I shout, "Do you know what time it is?"

"Adventure Time?" Griffin responds.

"Nope! IT'S PEANUT BUTTAH JELLEH TIME!"

That never happened!

You wish it had, though, doncha?

....yes.

The two of us began dancing around like Pinkie Pie on a sugar high, bouncing to the beat while singing like total morons who happen to have kickass singing voices, much to the amusement of the princesses and Griffin's crew, and to the utter annoyance of the angry nobles who still wanted my head on a platter. We ended the song with a mad flourish and an empty firing of the Possibility's cannons. If that isn't a BADASS introduction, I don't know WHAT is!

Author's Note

Since people have become curious as to what Knightmare's guitar looks like, here's a pic I made.

I call her 'Nyx'. You can guess where the name came from, and you'll learn why in due time.

Now, becuase I hate hate HATE giving semi-non-necessarry info in stories, especially for stuff that requires playing a vvideogame to know. Primal Armor is an innate energy shield from the Generation 4 Armored Core games[4 and 4: Answer]. i generalist terms, it slows down projectiles, cushions against explosions, and weakens energy attacks. Logically this works against magic as well, the prolem is that it's radioactive and prolonged exposure is txic. As for assault Armot, well...imagine turning Primal Armor into a reuseable nuclear warhead and you've got a good clue to why Kngihtmare didn't wanna use it.

FNTK Chapter 20: Almost to Trottingham!

Album 2: Chaotic Harmony

Track 3: Almost to Trottingham!

Four days into being a band together and we were only just starting to fight. That’s a good record for new bands right?

Probably not.

“I STILL don’t see why we must play such horrendous music. Even if it isn’t... quite so different from normal.” Octavia was still complaining of course.

“Octy, you gotta loosen up! This is a request from the PRINCESS.” Glad that Vinyl is on my side.

“Still...some of these lyrics are hard on my voice. Isn’t there something a little less rough?” And Cadence has problems with the lyrics. Shining nods his head like the whipped husband he is!

Hey!

Yeah, yeah, I know he isn’t.

As long as you understand...

“Look, it’ll be fine. I can sing the lyrics. Octavia, you enjoyed it at the Gala, it’ll be just as much fun this time.” This argument or some variation of it had been going on for most of the day.

A MASSIVE booming noise drew my attention to a... pink peg- That’s Firefly! What’s she doing here!?

“Ah, I knew it was around these S/P coordinates. How are you doing Champions?”

“And where did you just come from!?” I shouted. It was bad enough when Zeta came and ripped me to pieces. I didn’t need Firefly zooming around at ridiculous speeds, especially considering how badly she beat me every time we’d sparred in my dream world.

“Oh, I just finished watching your three day battle in the coliseum. Good job, by the way.”

“...What???” Coliseum? Three days!? “I’m going to pretend I understood that. What are you here for?”

“Oh, I’m just passing along a message from Zeta. He says ‘Don’t you DARE forget to bring some light weapons to fight the blood-blob-monster- wait, wrong message. You’re supposed to get that later.” Whaaaaaaaaat? All of us were staring at her like she was a priest of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and had just told us to go bask in boiling milk.

“OH! Right. Celestia says you should make friends with Mango. He should help ease your loneliness.”

I couldn’t respond anymore. My mouth hung slack as I tried understand just WHAT the FUCK she was talking about.

“Oh, there is a message from Zeta. He says ‘Don’t take the beating you just go too hard. I was pretty angry. No hard feelings.’ Hah, I always knew he was a sap. He just can’t show it.”

“Wait, what about Zeta??” He didn’t even sound sorry!

“Him? Oh was just mad at you for some stuff that happened during the wedding Don’t worry about it. Anyway, I need to keep up your training. So... You look like you were having a fight with Octavia. Fight. PIck a song, any song.” A song came to mind but was she seriously asking me to just fight one of my bandmates out of the blue? Firefly, y u so weird?

“Sounds like fun to me!” Of course Octavia’s up for it. I already know she doesn’t like my music but still.

“Fiiine...” My other bandmates moved to the side as me and Octavia faced each other.

I strummed on my guitar a few times as we started playing.

And the ‘Music World’ sprung up again. Octavia was wearing...Is that Goku’s training outfit? Looking down, I saw myself in PIccolo’s costume. Wait...PIccolo was a villain at one point.

I do not see this ending well but it’s too late to back out. I could see auras glowing around me and Octavia, getting stronger with each moment.

After Cadence finished the vocals from the side, I realized something.

This song was WAY too fast for me. We both started flying around each other in circles. Each stroke of my guitar let out 6-7 or seven musical notes that tried to home in on Octavia.

Each pass of her bow let out ki blasts.

We got faster and faster but I was slowly losing round. Halfway through, we closed in for hand to hand. Her bow jabbed out, once, twice, thrice and after that I was sent into the ground, leaving a crater.

Jumping quickly back out of it, I attempted some ki blasts followed by a charge. She dodged every blast, put her hoof on my head as I came at her and flew me into the ground again.

Following that, Octavia grabbed me with her front hoof and slung me into a nearby tree - and through it into two more, leaving Knightmare-shaped holes in them.

I flew up and out but Octavia was already at my beaten, bleeding form, punching, stabbing, slashing and even burning with some of her ki. I finally dropped onto the road as she hovered high above me. I could vaguely hear...

“KAAAAA MEEEEEE HAAAAAAA MEEEEEEEEEEE“ Energy charged up between her hooves.

“HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” My prone form was blasted with her energy and the Magic World dispersed.

I fell down, Octavia standing triumphantly over me.

“THAT music was not so bad. Why aren’t we playing that?” She asked smugly.

“OH probably cause he’s the leader of the band and you guys often do whatever anyway.” Firefly spoke nonchalantly.

“Anyway, I gotta get back to it. Time isn’t going to fix itself. Cheers!” And with that, she was gone through another hole in reality. What a flighty mare. Gone as soon as she’s had her fun.

After a couple more hours of Octavia gloating about her victory, we could see Trottingham in the distance but it would be well into the night if we tried to arrive today, so we just set up camp, arranging tents close together around where the fire would soon be.

Following a short meal and more arguing, we all drifted off to sleep. As with every night I’d spent so far in Equestria, I arrived in my dream world. I was greeted by a new sight however. Six new sights.

I guess my band was close enough to me, because Cadence, Shining Armor, Lyra, Bonbon, Octavia and Vinyl were all there on the home Island I’d set up, looking around in wonder.

“Oh right, forgot about this place. Welcome, Champions, to the Dream World. This is my own private little area, representing my mind and memories, many of which are strewn about in incredibly annoying locked boxes. I suppose I should give you a tour.” I bowed, holding my arm behind me to direct them as they looked on.

“So, wait, this is your head? Doesn’t seem as chaotic as I expected...” Shining Armor said.

“It’s not actually my head but there ARE boxes with my memories locked places. I’ll tell you about that later. For now, let’s go see the houses I’ve set up. Feel free to choose one for yourself. If you need help decorating just ask me. Physics work a bit differently here.”

“How long do we have in here?” Lyra asked.

“If I get 8 hours of sleep? Eight days. Every hour in the real world is a whole day here. We actually have quite a bit of time. Feel free to explore but-” I flipped backwards and sent a Creeper flying off of the island’s edge with the flat of my axe.

“Be careful of monsters. They hurt.”

With that, they each went to claim a house and set up. I spent a good amount of time helping them learn how to craft things and decorate on that first day.

On the next, however, the settling in was interrupted.

I was wandering on the main island. an what do I see? None other than the Cutie Mark Crusaders staring around in wonder and confusion.

“You three?! Wait, that means...Girls, did you stowaway in our luggage?” Zeta JUST TOLD ME to not go near his daughter! How am I going to explain this to him? I don’t want to be changeling pie!

“We just thought we could get our cutie marks in rock music!”

“Yeah! Yur music at the Gahla was so cool!”

My bandmates had run over at my exclamation.

“Knightmare, what’s- Apple Bloom! Sweetie and Scootaloo too? Girls why are you here?” Bonbon was just as surprised as I was.

“They had to have stowed away in our luggage and came over to the fire after we slept! That’s why they’re in the dream world now.”

“Why would you ever want to follow this thing and his unpleasant music!?” Octavia, will you give the music a rest? Sheesh.

“What? But he’s so cool and his music is AWESOOOOME.” That’s right, Scootaloo understands.

“I don’t think that matters. In the morning girls, we are going to get you right back to Ponyville. We’re on important business for the princess.” Cadence spoke.

“But were right next to Trottingham. It’ll take us a whole extra week to go drop them off! We might as well do the concert first.” Vinyl pointed out.

We thought it over a bit, the CMC waiting expectantly for our answer.

“She’s right.” Octavia said, sounding annoyed. “We’ll have to take them with so we aren’t off schedule. We can take them back afterwards. Alright girls, you can stay but you’re in for a big punishment when you get back to Ponyville. I suppose you can go find a house to stay in.”

They ran off before I could add anything else, excited about our destination. I sighed.

“Well, we still have 6 and a half days in here. We should probably practice.”