Fools, Foals and Ships named Enterprise

Chapter 1:

Ask any scholar or astronomer and they’ll tell you Space is Vast and Empty.

Ask any Officer or Enlisted from the LSN (League of Solar Nations) Navy and they’ll tell you it’s uncomfortably lively.

It had been ninety years since Zefram Cochrane invented the Slipspace Drive (which worked by using a Quantum Slipstream to tunnel through a ‘deeper’ layer of Subspace) after his initial Warp models ran into a recurring and potentially fatal flaw.

In that time Humanity had found itself evolving down a different path to their neighbours and by the time they met the neighbours Humanity had not only a sizeable economy but the ships to protect it.

Starfleet dedicated sixty percent of its strength to warships, giving both the Vulcans and the Xindi a rude shock, with the remaining strength equally divided between Science and Exploration.
These were the three arms of Starfleet: Military, Science and Exploration. Unfortunately certain duties were universally shared by all three arms.

Combatting Piracy, Slavery and Smuggling included.

As a result of a small group of Alien… Entrepreneurs stumbling upon an Exploration cruiser, Starfleet had found itself rescuing a group of unusual aliens and playing caretaker while searching for the Pre-Space Flight species’ Home.
With the help of a grateful Andorian Empire, that same cruiser was now heading to a lonely nebula with the intent of both returning these lost sheep but also investigating some of their new friend’s more unusual claims.

It was tense in the bunkroom, three Humans and three odd quadrupedal aliens sat around a table, a mix of Terran Credits, Andorian Pfennigs and Equestrian Bits lay piled in the centre, four cards lay face up in a row with a fifth face down. Each participant had two such cards while a stack of unused cards sat in front of one of the Humans.

“Last card gents, place your bets,” the Human with the card stack in front of him announced, turning the last card.

“Alright Trip, I raise ya two hundred Bits,” the next player declared, the orange coated, blue maned Pegasus pushing the taped stacks of gold coins into the centre.

“Too rich for my blood, Flash!” an African American man replied, pushing his cards away.

“El Foldo!” Red Glare, an Earth Pony, agreed, tossing his cards into the pot.

“Well Dusk, what’ll it be?” the woman on Trip Tucker’s right and my left teased.

I kept my aloof air but inside I was bricking myself, on the one hand I had a nearly unbeatable hoof, a seven to Jack Hearts Straight Flush, on the other I can’t meet the raise unless… well, what could I bet?
Unfortunately not much as strip rules weren't in effect, mainly due to Ponykind’s lack of a nudity taboo, what few possessions I had were too important…

Ok, there was That.

Sadly my dignity had taken medical leave a bottle of Janx or two ago.

I summoned a piece of paper, a pen and started to write, “I wish to wager something other than chips for this round.”

“Get on with it,” Flash retorted, his wings fluttering as he rolled his eyes.

“I wager my Virginity!” I struggled to keep a straight face as Flash flopped out of his chair and both Trip and Flare made epic spit takes, thankfully avoiding the table.

“What?” Trip wheezed, “yer betting somethin’ so precious…”

“Either I’ll win it back or I’ll be getting a visit tomorrow,” I said dismissively placing the paper stating ‘The Recipient of this Paper is Entitled to Ensign Dusk Shine’s Virginity’.

“Your funeral,” Glare said, shaking his head.

“Well I guess I’ll call, one hundred Credits to your Bits,” Nurse Erika Johnson replied, dumping the hexagonal coins on top of my paper.

“Call,” a now composed Commander Charles ‘Trip’ Tucker intoned, repeating the gesture.

“Alright, lets see the hooves?” Flash crowed.

Trip had three eights, Erika had two pair of sevens and nines, Flash had a six to ten Straight.

“Come to me my Pretties,” I watched dispassionately as Flash rubbed his hooves together but Erika held him off.

“Hold on, we haven’t seen Dusk’s cards,” she looked at me pointedly as Flash became nervous.

I cocked an eyebrow at her and shrugged nonchalantly, turning the cards with my Magic.

“No,” I heard Flash beg, “Sweet Faust No!”

“Straight Flush, Seven to Jack, Hearts,” Glare gave me a grin, “you had it all sown up.”

I just shrugged, laughter bright in my eyes and pulled out my lighter as the pot slid to me in a lavender glow, stopping in front of me as the paper separated and hovered in front of me.

A flick of my fetlock and the lighter lit, a second later I flipped it closed as the paper curled up and burned away.

“Well, there goes that dream,” Erika teased, I ignored the burning in my cheeks as I swept my winnings into a bag.

“Dream?” Flash snorted, “hardly, at least not after I sold it to that mare on Agamemnon,” he blinked as a Pfennig bounced off his nose.

“I signed up for Explorers for a reason,” I pointed out, donning the saddlebags and starting for the door.

“You can’t leave! I need to win back enough Bits to get back to Fillydelphia from Canterlot!” Flash protested.

“Shouldn’t bet what you’re not prepared to lose,” I retorted, slipping out the door before he could call me out on my hypocrisy.

I chuckled as I headed back to my quarters, perk of being an officer, or at least Fifth Officer, was my own room, specifically a room with a view as it was one of the few rooms between the dorsal and ventral armoured shells.

I had wondered whether trading with Hoshi had been a good idea but more nights than I cared to admit had been spent gazing out at the stars, nebulae and other wondrous things.

For some reason Travis always kept the port side to anything we were studying, maybe I should get him a bottle of Bourbon for Hearth’s Warming.

I disarmed the spells protecting my room as I punched in the code.

The bags fell at the foot of my locker, I’d count it all later, and I fell into the chair by my desk.

I was about to write another entry in my log, still paper and ink like before I was foalnapped, when I noticed a yellow tag message from Captain Archer.

I opened it, noting it was dated five hours ago:

To all Equestrian personnel.

As you know an FTL survey probe was launched two days ago to investigate a gravitational anomaly in our path as we move deeper into the nebula. Twenty minutes ago the probe exited Slipspace and we are now receiving telemetry. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Here’s to a warm welcome.

Captain J Archer - SLV Enterprise.

I clicked the link to the data feed and skim read through the logs until I came upon the Live visual feed. I felt a prickling at my eyes as I resisted hugging the screen.

“Home.”

The Sun and Moon was The place to just hang out in Ponyville after sunset. It wasn’t much, any human would compare it to a rural British pub, but what kept ponies coming back was the atmosphere, it was a place to just sit back, relax with a cold drink and let your problems fade away for an evening.

Just stepping in Applejack felt a weight lift off her shoulders, it took her a moment to locate her friends though she shouldn’t have been worried, Dusk had picked out the perfect spot for them nearly a year ago after he persuaded both Filthy Rich and her Family to open the place.

Despite their reservations the teen had got something right as the inn was a hit, between her Family’s cider and the drinks brought in by train the place was famous for having the best selection of beverages outside of Canterlot.

At far more sensible prices too.

Combined with being the place to unwind, business was good and profits plenty.

She settled onto the bench seat, squeezing Rainbow, Pinkie and Fluttershy a little as Elusive sat next to Spines opposite them, normally the benches fit four ponies easily but everyone had some kind of bag and Spines needed extra room due to her situation.

“Hey guys,” Applejack greeted, “doing ok there, Spines?”

The dragoness shifted gently, waving a claw, “the cramps are falling into a rhythm… I think it’ll be tonight or tomorrow."

“Damn, you’ll miss the wedding!” Rainbow Dash complained.

“Yer just moping ye won’t get to preen after ye pull the Rainboom,” Applejack teased.

Rainbow pouted for a split second then went to retort but was cut off by Pinkie.

“Won’t it be amazing?” she said excitedly, “Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Do you know if it’ll be a colt or filly?”

Elusive smiled, “Dragons lay eggs, remember?” he pointed out, “Dusk explained it to us ten months ago tonight, the only thing he knew for certain was a Dragon’s eggs won’t hatch if they aren’t fertilised, ergo no colts or filly’s.”

“Unless hatched by Magic,” Fluttershy pointed out, “like Dusk hatched Spines.”

Applejack felt her heart settle somewhere around her fetlocks, everything seemed hollow without the nerdy, loyal, somewhat mischievous purple colt.

“Remember when we found him here that time?” Pinkie said, trying not to burst into giggles.
“After giving Spines the ‘Talk’,” Elusive said teasingly.

Appljack smiled at the memory, that had been a fun night.

Dusk laid back in the corner of the booth, staring at a cider bottle, telling the whole hilarious story of how he took Spines for a check up to find out she was carrying four eggs.
How he got home Spines had flipped out, demanding to know how she could be having eggs when she hadn't even kissed a colt, how somehow he’d kept his cool and calmly explained what little he knew about dragons and then covered what happened with ponies for reference.

How Spines had asked what he meant by the ‘Talk’ and eventually explaining how he’d been given it.
That had gotten them all talking about how they’d been given the talk:

Poor Dusk had walked in on Celestia by accident one night but had escaped unseen or heard, while he knew about sex from his brother’s Playcolt collection seeing it in person was somewhat different and Shining Armour had had to explain everything to him.

Elusive’s was similar but had been caught by his parents, considering his sister Sweetie’s age this may have been a bit much for him at the time.

Applejack and Fluttershy were also similar to each other, being around animals all the time meant they would see dogs, cattle or bunnies in the act and their families had caught on this and gone from there.

Rainbow had a fling at Flight school, nuff said.

Pinkie had the hardest time, not getting the Talk until after arriving in Ponyville, from Nurse Redheart no less.

The night had ended when the cider ran out, something Dusk noticed first, “Why is the cider always gone?”
He then stood up, swayed left on his first step then right on the second, “oh, that’s why,” he then bade them goodnight and started home, swaying all the way.

“Hey, his version may not have had all the facts but at least I understood it and he handled it better than any of your or Celestia.”

“Oh that was fun, walkin’ in to find the Princess blushin a storm after being told a teenage colt did a better job,” Applejack laughed, picturing the exact moment the five of them stumbled into the library to find the Princess with a full body blush as Spines loudly stated that Dusk handled the matter better despite having once seen her in the act, turning crimson as a hungover Dusk added “Next time you don’t want to be disturbed, LOCK THE DAMN DOOR!”

“Can’t believe he walked in on the Princess,” Rainbow giggled.

“He promised he’d be here when…” Spines trailed off, trailing a claw down her swollen stomach.

“Well he still has time to turn up,” Elusive reminded her, “and I’ll be here with nurse Redheart, everything will be fine,” he assured her.

“But you’ll miss the wedding? After you went to all that trouble for us…” Fluttershy protested.

“And how many times did Dusk put us before himself?” Elusive asked, “how many times did he give up things he wanted to do so we could do things we wanted?”

Everyone was silent as they thought it over, Rainbow looking particularly guilty. Applejack thought of every time he’d dropped what he was doing to help out with whatever problem she or the others had, she smiled as she remembered the time she’d tried to harvest the orchard on her own during Apple Buck season only to stop short of half way from exhaustion.

Fluttershy had found him the morning after curled up in one of the empty apple baskets having secretly worked his way through the opposite end of the orchard where she wouldn’t notice him all week. He completed nearly half the harvest in that part of the farm before fatigue caught up to him.

Helping Elusive on his gem trips...

Spotting for Rainbow when she did wing ups…

Baking cakes in Sugarcube Corner…

Helping feed the Animals…

Dozens of little things that between them and his lessons had left him little time to enjoy the things he liked.

In fact the only time she knew of him asking for her, or any of them, to do something for him was when he asked her to watch the Northern Lights with him.

One Thing.

And he never said a word, always going along with a soft smile.

Ma had said ya never knew what ya had until it was gone.

“That colt had a heart of gold,” Applejack said quietly.

The table was quiet for a moment.

“Do we even know who this stupid wedding’s for?” Rainbow asked loudly.

Applejack and Fluttershy rolled their eyes, ‘real subtle Dash’.

“One Princess Mi Amore Cadenza,” Elusive replied with a mock Canterlot air, “some relative of Celestia, no doubt!”

“And just why do we have to go?” Dash continued.

“Oh, ya know, Elements of Harmony, Heroes of Equestria, that sorta thing?” Applejack said sarcastically.

Before Dash could retort Applejack drained her drink and stood up, “well, I guess it’s time ta head on back, I’ll see ya’ll tomorrow, ye take care now, Spines.”

The others bade her goodbye and she headed for the door, out into the night and onto the familiar path home.

On the way her thoughts drifted to her missing friend and what could have happened, the only clue was the journal Spines had given her after a month had passed.
In it he’d written how he wasn’t convinced her parents were dead, his reasons were sound enough but she daren’t get her hopes up as it was still a raw wound.

Naturally she’d started reading the other entries, revealing whole sides to her friend she’d never known.

“…Applejack, she told me to let go. What The Buck! I’m dangling over a three hundred foot drop, hanging on for my life and she tells me to LET GO! I voiced my shock and she looked me in the eye and said she’d never lie to me and I had to trust her. …I did. I can’t explain it but once our eyes met I knew she was telling the truth, I felt… safe, as long as she was there, I knew nothing would happen… I could feel it in my very soul.

…Or I might just be a sucker for a pretty mare with such amazing eyes.

Either way, I let go. Dash and Shy caught me but I still let go.

Spines is going to be torture when she finds out.”

She smiled at the teasing the little Dragoness had put Dusk through afterward, then chuckled as the next entry fluttered through her mind.

“Never again! Next time I get tickets to the Gala I’m raffling them off! My first thought was to take Applejack as a date but… yeah that sounds even worse out loud, like I have a chance with a mare as amazing as her. Next thing I know I’ve got four mares and a stallion trying to butter me up, is this what Flank Sinatra and Sapphire Shores deal with every day? Somehow I got seven tickets in the end but when it comes I think I’m gonna make a few quick hellos then bug out to Joe's with Spines.”

Just as the farm came in sight her two favourite entries came to mind.

“Ok, maybe I should have taken the hint from AJ, trying to harvest even half a farm on your own is not clever.

Fluttershy found me curled up in an apple basket sleeping off my exhaustion, blasted mare took a picture, said I looked cuter than Winona. Hey, it’s Applebloom’s thing to be cuter than a puppy!

AJ asked me how long I’d been bucking trees… about four days now I think about it… I think.

She then asked why I did after she refused so many times. I told her it was like looking in the mirror, that I’d gone nuts about an assignment and spent days studying fixatedly, going without food or sleep… I really didn’t like how she was running herself into the ground like I have; I didn’t want her to go through what I did.

She kissed me!

On the cheek but She Kissed Me! Said it was sweet of me to go out of my way to help her, even when she was too stubborn to accept.

I’m blushing enough to be mistaken for Cadence’s little brother, I’ve got this stupid grin and I can’t look her in the eye.

Is this how Shiny felt when Cadence kissed him on the cheek?

I swear if Dash says anything I’ll ground her… somehow.”

The second passage crept in her mind as she stepped into the farmhouse.

“Stupid Superstitious ponies. Thinking Zecora’s evil for being a zebra…

Zee-bra…

Spines! Tomayto/Tomahto.

Anyway, they think she’s evil. Pinkie thinks she’s an enchantress.

I cannot convey just how offended I am by that. I Am an Enchanter! How does she think I fix all the random Magical junk everyone brings to me.
Think I’ll bump up the prices in revenge, see how Pinkie handles the response when they find out I did it because of her.

Enchanting is an entirely separate branch of Magic to what Elusive and I learned in school, using tools and Lyrium to place long term, if not permanent, spells called Enchantments on objects or buildings.

YOU CAN’T BEWITCH PEOPLE WITH IT!

Then Applebloom wanders off, probably to talk to Zecora, filly means well but wandering into the Everfree is not a good idea at the best of times.

The Applejack and Dash start mouthing off when Zecora warns us about those…

Those Flowers! I’ve seen them before, one of Shiny’s pranks I think.

Starting to feel light headed now, I’d better sleep it off, I can research those flowers tomorrow.
…
Yep, definitely those flowers.

I thought turning me into an Earth Pony for an afternoon was bad, if I ever get that flamethrower working I’ll be sure to repay those Sun Damned weeds for the blow to my stallionhood.

My horn has blue spots and the consistency of wet pasta. It’s flopping around all over the place!
I can feel my balls shrivelling as I write this.

Oh Buck! They’ll think it’s a curse! Maybe I can talk some sense into them…

Yeah, that sounded better in my head.
…
Ok, that just made this day worth it.

Rainbow’s wings have been reversed, though given she crashes all the time anyway not much difference.

Pinkie’s tongue has swollen up so she can’t talk.

Elusive’s a walking rug, definitely sneaked a picture of that.

Fluttershy has this real deep bass voice, strangely it seems to suit her.

And Applejack’s bite sized now, hiding in Applebloom’s mane.

We’re heading to Zecora’s now, after I pointed out she warned us about the flowers and explaining I’d been pranked with them before, just maybe I can talk to Zecora about a cure without AJ and Dash kicking off.”

She blushed at the memory of how she acted that day, it took Dusk shouting in Zebrikaans to keep a fight breaking out.

Who knew he’d learned the language from the Ambassadors to Canterlot.

Entering her room she trotted to the window and stared up into Luna’s sky, that was one thing Dusk liked to do, stargazing.

Not to map the constellations or nuthin’, he said staring into the mass of space made him feel small, and knowing just how small his place in the Universe is made his problems and worries unimportant for a time.

She had to admit, he was right about that.

She looked up in time to see…

“A Shooting Star!”

Keeping her eyes on the star, “Ah wish Dusk Shine would come home safe.”

The star passed over her head and out of sight behind her, she took one last look at the stars and readied herself for bed, it would be a long day tomorrow.