The Bachelorette Party

by DiamondStar4242

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Discord, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Romance
Length: 2230

Rainbow's friends decide to throw her a bachelorette party to celebrate her final night as a "free mare" Stuff happens

Cadence brings a mysterious substance to Rainbow's bachelorette party. Pinkie makes out with Discord. Secrets are revealed. Random crap happens.

Will Twilight survive a night of ponies not listening to her? Will Discord get laid? Will Derpy appear at any time throughout the story? Will Rainbow ever get any apple cider?

Find out by, you know, reading it....

Published 2015-12-06 21:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-12 18:59:47 UTC

The Beginning

The Beginning

Twilight threw open the shiny crystal door and growled in frustration. “Pinkie? You better be in here!” For the past 15 minutes the princess had been looking around the Crystal Castle for her unpredictable pink friend.

“Why did Rainbow want to hold her wedding in the Crystal Empire again? And where in Tartarus is Pinkie Pie?” Twilight banged her head against the crystal wall. “Ow… yeah that was a bad idea.” She muttered rubbing her head.

“Ugh I give up! Might as well head back to the throne room. Where is it again? Why is this castle so damn huge?” Twilight huffed.

She started toward the first room with huge doors she saw. “Maybe this?” The purple alicorn pushed open the big blue doors. Twilight stood there with her mouth hanging open at the sight of Ponyville’s premier party planner and the Lord of Chaos passionately making out on Cadence’s throne.

Snapping out of her initial shock, the purple mare closed her mouth. “Pinkie? What’s going on?” Discord did not seem to hear her but Pinkie pulled away.

“Hey Twilight! Me and Discord were just having some fun.” Pinkie winked at him as she said it. Discord waved at Twilight, who just rolled her eyes.

“Whatever you were doing, there is no excuse for just disappearing without telling us!” the other mare said, glaring at Pinkie, who just shrugged.

5 Hours earlier…..

“Oooh this is going to be so much fun!” Rarity said excitedly. Twilight, Pinkie, Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy entered the large crystal ballroom where they were holding the bachelorette party for Rainbow.

Twilight nodded pulled a familiar looking book out of her saddlebags. “Remember this? I thought we could use it again.”

Rarity read the title of the book before gasping dramatically. “Twilight! Is this ‘Slumber 101’? Why in the world did you bring this?”

Twilight looked confused. “Because we’re here for a sleepover?” Rarity proceeded to gasp again, this time even more dramatically.

“Twilight, darling. We are throwing Rainbow Dash a bachelorette party! It’s completely different from a slumber party. I can’t believe you. This is the most important night of her life!” Rarity screeched.

Applejack just rolled her eyes. “More important than the weddin’?” Rarity just waved her hoof dismissively.

“No way! The wedding is probably the most important part of the party! This is like the before party- party…. Get your facts straight.” Pinkie said.

“Um, excuse me? I’m so sorry to interrupt, but umm where is Rainbow Dash?” Fluttershy squeaked softly.

“She’ll be along, dear. After all, this is the party WE are throwing for HER.” Rarity emphasized. Fluttershy nodded.

Suddenly the room was filled with a bright white light. “HELLO EVERYPONY! WHO IS READY TO PARTY?!!” Cadence shouted. Next to Cadence stood a very dazed-looking Rainbow.

“What happened?” she asked “Where are we? Did you guys throw me a bachelor party?” Rainbow gasped.

Applejack sighed and massaged her forehead. “How’d ya guess, sugarcube?”

Rainbow pointed at the banner that read ‘Welcome to your bachelorette party!’ in big block letters. “Thank you! I’ve always wanted one.” Rainbow said gleefully.

Twilight turned to Cadence. “Hi sis! How have you been? How is Crystal? Is she doing well? Also, why are you here?”

Cadence chuckled. “Whoa whoa, one question at a time. I’m here for Rainbow Dash’s party! I thought we could have a little fun together.”

Twilight chuckled nervously. “You really didn’t have to.” The young alicorn knew from personal experience that Cadence and parties, (especially ones with alcohol) don’t mix. EVER. “You didn’t, by chance, happen to bring any drinks?”

Cadence’s smile widened. “Now that you mention it, I haven’t had a good drink in a while! The night is young so let’s have a good time!”

Twilight gulped. “Yay” she said weakly. “Actually Cadence, could we stay away from alcohol tonight?”

Cadence pouted. “Aww you're no fun.”

Twilight just sighed. “Please Cadence….”

The pink alicorn just stomped her hoof. “But Twiiiiilliiiight!”

Twilight glared at her sister-in-law. “Cadence” she growled

“What a stick in the mud.” Discord said, sitting on the chandelier.

Twilight jumped and looked up. “What are you doing here? I swear you ponies will be the death of me….”

Cadence clapped her hooves together. “The more the merrier Twilight. You’re going to ruin everything if you get rid of Discord.”

Twilight face-hoofed. “You invited him didn’t you? You do know that a bachelorette party can’t have any stallions in it? ”

Cadence giggled. “Couldn’t resist”

Discord snorted. “My dear, I am most certainly not a stallion.”

“What in tarnation is this varmint doin’ here?” Applejack asked, followed by the other girls.

“Was it really necessary for him to be here?” Rarity asked while polishing her hooves.

“Oh, hello Discord. It’s nice seeing you here.” Fluttershy said quietly.

“Hey did anypony consult me with this? It is MY party!” Rainbow said.

“Hi Discord!” Pinkie said, popping up next to him on the chandelier.

Discord jumped up, almost falling from the chandelier. “Waah! You scared me. That’s actually kind of hot.” Pinkie grinned.

Cadence had slowly snuck away from the group. Reaching under her wing, she pulled out a suspicious bottle of a gooey pink substance. “Time to shake things up.” She said, grinning evilly.

Cadence walked back over to the group of ponies who were now discussing what to do. “We should have makeovers” Rarity sang.

“Maybe we could just have umm… a quiet tea party?” Fluttershy whispered.

“No way! It’s a bachelorette party! We should play Spin the Bottle!” Rainbow said. “Or hire a stripper!”

“We don’t usually wear clothes Rainbow! Applejack said.

“How about an astronomy lesson?” Twilight suggested.

“No!” everyone yelled in unison.

Twilight sighed disappointedly. "I probably should have seen that coming."

Pinkie scratched her head. “What bachelorette parties have you been going to Twilight? I say we have CUPCAKES!” she pulled a whole tray of assorted sweets out of her hair.

“Hehehe” Cadence laughed breathily. The laugh soon turned into a hacking cough. “Aggaaahhh…. ack”

Pinkie noticed Cadence and appeared next to her with a glass of water and her earlier tray of cupcakes. “Here you go!” Cadence quickly took the water and drank it greedily before slipping a drop of the pink substance onto one of the cupcakes.

After Pinkie left Cadence smiled devilishly. “Oooh this is going to be so much fun!” she squealed.

TO BE CONTINUED…

What Just Happened?

What Just Happened?

“Alright time to start! What should we do first?” Rarity said excitedly.

“I don’t know since every pony shot down my idea…” Twilight grumbled

Applejack walked into the room with a few bottles of apple cider. “Hey y’all! I brought the good stuff! It’s the strongest ah got!” Twilight’s eyes widened. She quickly motioned to Applejack, shaking her head and making a cutting motion with her hoof. Applejack spotted her and tilted her head to the side. “Twilight? You okay, sugarcube?”

Twilight quickly put her hoof down and resumed a calm, composed position. “Fine. Just fine.” She said, mentally face-hoofing.

She eyed Cadence, who was drooling at the apple cider. “How strong exactly?” Cadence asked quickly.

Applejack winked at her, “Well you’re about to find out, hun.” Cadence nodded, her face twitching and her eyes glued on the apple cider.

Twilight panicked and lit her horn, teleporting Applejack to an unknown place somewhere in Equestria. Pinkie jumped up. “Hey! Where’d she go? Do we get to go on a scavenger to find her!? Ooh! Can I be on Discord’s team?”

Everyone else seemed mildly frantic. “She disappeared!” Rarity gasped.

“Oh my! I hope she’s ok!” Fluttershy said.

“What if she exploded?” Pinkie said.

Rainbow seemed more concerned about something else “What about the cider? Did she take it with her? Why do I never get any cider?” she shouted.

“Who cares about the cider! Where’s Applejack?” Rarity cried.

“Well you only care about her because you love her! I love cider.” Rainbow said in a panic.

Rarity gasped. “Rainbow Dash! How could you suggest such a thing!?” she looked slightly offended. “Besides, we all know she has an on and off relationship with Caramel!”

Twilight massaged her forehead. “What have I done? Fillies! Calm down, we’ll find her!” Pinkie was flirting with Discord while Rarity and Rainbow argued over Applejack’s love life. Fluttershy was calmly trying to separate the two ponies’, apparently, heated conversation.

Meanwhile in the Everfree Forest, Applejack aimlessly roamed through the dark woods. “Where the hay am I? All ah did was bring some cider and everypony got their tail in a tangle!”

Back at the Crystal Palace……

“Please Discord we need you! If you don’t use your chaos magic to find Applejack then what’ll we do?” Twilight begged.

Discord shook his head. “I’ll only agree to it if we play Spin the Bottle” he pulled a wine bottle out of his ear.

The purple alicorn mare groaned. “But we don’t have time! AJ could be anywhere! Please!”

Discord pouted. “We have to or else no chaotic locater spell.” He said stubbornly

Pinkie jumped up and down excitedly. “I’m game! Why don’t you just do one yourself Twilight?”

Twilight rubbed her temples again. “I don’t have an item of Applejack’s that she has a strong personal connection to. Discord can locate her without the item. You know what? Fine. We’ll play Spin the Bottle. Happy? ”

Discord grinned. “Very. Come on ponies!” Everyone groaned but sat down in a circle in the middle of the room.

“I’ll spin first!” Rainbow said. She reached for the bottle, but a white hoof stopped her. “Nnononononono Rainbow, darling. You’re getting married in a few hours….” Rarity said admonishingly.

Rainbow shrugged. “Fair enough.” She pointed at Rarity. “Then you go first!”

Rarity nodded. She took the bottle and spun. The bottle spun around as the tension in the room increased. The bottle slowed to a stop, pointing directly at Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight blushed. “I just cannot catch a break today!” she whispered under her breath.

Rarity calmly stood up and walked over to Twilight and kissed her on the mouth. Hard. Twilight’s breath caught in her throat, but she melted into the kiss and ran a hoof through Rarity’s hair. As abruptly as the kiss started, it ended and Rarity pulled away from her. Twilight was blushing even harder now, trying to catch her breath. Damn, Rarity was a freaking good kisser!

Cadence almost passed out from the amount of love emanating from the room.

Twilight sighed. “Ok Discord we played your stupid game. Now help us find Applejack!”

Discord rolled his eyes. “If you insist.” He snapped his fingers and teleported everyone to the Everfree Forest, where Applejack was sitting on a tree stump, eating an apple.

“”Bout time y’all got here!” she said, rising from her seat.

“You’re welcome” Discord muttered as everyone rushed to Applejack.

“Oh my, I’m glad your alright Applejack!” Fluttershy murmured.

“Yay! Let’s go back and party!” Pinkie cheered.

Rarity embraced her friend. “We’re glad you’re not dead, darling”

Rainbow just pushed Rarity out of the way and grabbed Applejack. “Where’s the cider? I’ve been waiting forever and a half. You better have saved some for me! I mean us! I mean me!” Rainbow said hurriedly. Cadence nodded in agreement.

Applejack chuckled. “Well sugarcube—” she was cut off by Twilight who tackled her to the floor.

“NOOOOOOO!” she cried. “I mean, of course there’s no more apple cider left, she’s been stuck here for hours! She must have been pretty thirsty.” Twilight added nervously.

Applejack raised her hoof. “Actually—” Twilight smacked Applejack on the side of the head, causing her to pass out.

The purple mare laughed slowly. “Oh no! She must have been so tired she fell asleep! Right here…. On the floor…. Right now.”

Everyone stared. Cadence just pouted. “What about my cider?”

Rainbow groaned. “WHY!!!!!” Fluttershy patted her back comfortingly.

Discord levitated Applejack’s unconscious body. “It’s been fun, really it has, but we should be off!” he snapped his fingers once again and transported them back to the ballroom.

Back at the Crystal Palace….
“Oh that was fun! What’s next?” Pinkie chirped.

Applejack woke up suddenly. “Twilight! What in Celestia’s name is goin’ on? First ah get whisked away ta Everfree. Then ya clock me in the head and now ah’m back here with a head ache.”

Cadence sighed. “I have a confession to make. I have an alcohol problem; I honestly can’t control myself around the substance. I suspect that Twilight has been keeping me from Sweet Apple Acres cider so I don’t go crazy.”

“Yaaaaaahhhhhhssssss!” Twilight cried. “Since we’re making confessions, I have one too! I love Rarity!” she said quickly, not caring what anyone thought.

Everypony gasped but Rarity, who shrugged. “I knew all along, darling. I was being a tease, and I admit it was quite fun.” Twilight glared at the white unicorn.

“I don’t want to wear a dress tomorrow! I want to wear rainbow socks to my wedding!” Rainbow cried.

“I absolutely despise green tea, even though I offer it to anyone who comes to my cottage.” Fluttershy whispered.

“I let y’all in on a secret. I’m the Element of Honesty, ah don’t keep nothin’ from ma friends” Applejack said simply.

Twilight looked around. “Has anyone seen Pinkie Pie? More importantly has anyone seen Discord?”

“For Luna’s sake, why can’t everypony jus’ stay put?” Applejack grumbled.