I rushed into the staff changing room without talking to my Dad, without cleaning the blood from my coat, and I threw the stuff into my designated area before quickly turning around and slamming the door behind me. The door echoed like a shotgun that crushed through my heart like the crushing of bones that continued to go on as the wheel turned without end.

I killed.

I killed with the very intent of doing so.

…I was a monster. My body slumped down against the door to the changing room as I felt whatever strength I had leave me. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair…I was a filly, just 7 years old, and I had made my first kill…and witnessed many others before then! But how many, how many staff members slammed the bodies onto the conveyer belt with the very intent of WANTING them to meet their demise? I continued to sob, and I didn’t notice that my Dad was slowly approaching me.

“…Dashie?” He whispered softly, concern in his tone. “Are you okay…?” He rested his hind-hooves against the cold hard floor, lifting his goggles and face mask enough to get a good look at me. I didn’t want anything to do with anyone, though. “…Of course I’m not okay…” I whined as I buried my muzzle in the rest of my tear-matted coat. “….He just wanted to live…and I…I…” I choked as I shook my head frantically. “…I had a fight, and…when I got him, I was so mad, I…”

Dad leaned his head towards me. “…What did you do, Dashie?” As if I could tell him with a straight face. The memory of my first kill lingered within me, and it wouldn’t go away. I wanted so desperately to make it go away. “…I…I THREW HIM IN THE MACHINE BECAUSE I WANTED HIM DEAD!” I cried, shaking my head frantically again and again, refusing any kind of reply from my Dad.

Dad gave a deep sigh before stepping back. “…Yes, Rainbow Dash…you’re a murderer. You’re a despicable pony, just like me. You killed with the intent to kill.” I actually never expected Dad to take that approach, but considering how Fluttershy approaches me today, it actually made a lot of sense. Sure it tore me apart, but it was a truth I needed to accept. I am a monster who kills ponies on a daily basis, never mind the purpose behind it. A life was a life.

I cried harder than I ever did before that night. I cried so hard, I didn’t even realize my Dad taking me home and tucking me into bed, leaving a good night kiss on my head. No good night kiss could cure the pain I felt when I dreamt of the angered colt, coming back from the dead to seek his revenge for the atrocities I had put him through.

He chased me without mercy, his now razor sharp teeth biting at my prismatic tail and pulling me down under him. Because he was even heavier than when he was alive, it was impossible to try to slip out from under him. Just as he did in real life, he sank his teeth into my shoulder, causing me to cry out in pain as I tossed the blanket off of me in my struggles to try and get him to pull away. I felt cold, which was unusual, but with the weight of death keeping me down, it seemed rather appropriate. I cried harder as he sank deeper into my shoulder, my hooves trying to get underneath enough to shove him away.

I wasn’t strong enough.

“I’M SORRY!!!” I cried out as I threw myself upright, the terrors of my nightmare still lingering within as I frantically searched the room in confusion. In the dream I was back in that lab, but…this…this was my bedroom. Breathing heavily, I allowed myself to sink back into the cushy cloud bed, noting the blanket that was strewn across the floor.

“…I-It was only a dream…” I breathed out, a wave of relief coursing through me. That is, until I recalled what I had done just the night before.

“…MMMPH!!!” I dashed out of my bedroom and headed for the bathroom where I threw my muzzle into the bathroom sink, a horrible taste entering my mouth again as the guilt and disgust was back in full force again. Looking back up at myself, I only saw a stressed out filly whose eyes were lacking of all innocence, tear-stains matting her face. It didn’t look like the face of a 7 year old.
I was tired…so tired.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t even know your name…” I sunk down from the bathroom counter and onto the floor, choked sobs starting to take over me once again. It hurt, having this guilt. And if the facts are straight, Dad had to face this guilt with a smiling face every single day of her life. “I’m sorry, Dad, I’m…I’m not strong enough to do this…!” I whimpered as I curled up into a tight ball.

I heard somepony knocking. “Dashie? Are you in there?” It was Dad, most likely trying to check up on me, but I didn’t want to see anypony then. I just wanted to sulk without a word, constantly weighing my own self-worth against my actions. I was a delinquent, a snobby show-off, and a monster. I didn’t even deserve the delicious meals Dad cooked for me every day!

“…Dashie, if you’re in there…just know that sulking about it isn’t going to change anything.” I huffed at his words as I continued to sit there. “The job requires you to kill. You’re going to become a monster. If they find out, everypony you know is going to hate you. You need to accept this.” Dad was acting pretty heartless, but even then I could tell he was doing it for my own good. “…And if you’re even planning on suicide, think of what Fluttershy would do! Would you wanna hurt her? Would you wanna hurt me?”

That stopped everything. If I died, or was exposed, I would bring pain to Fluttershy. I’d make things even harder for Dad…no matter what; I didn’t want that…even if I had to carry the guilt of killing…I didn’t want that…

I slowly forced myself to stand up. “…I’m okay, Dad. I’ll open the door now.” I reached over and unlocked the door, looking back over to the sink as I turned on the faucet. The last thing I wanted was for my Dad to see me sick. As soon as he opened the door, the sink was clean and I had already wiped the tears from my face. “…I’ll get ready for school now.” I faked a smile, slipping past him before he could say another word to me. I didn’t notice the deep sigh he gave as I rushed back up the stairs.

The flight towards the school that morning felt empty. It was like that giant rain cloud was over our heads again and was showering all over us. I didn’t share a word with Dad before he had to leave for work and the bell rang for school. I kept my bag close to me while roaming through the hallways, eventually getting to my desk in the back of the class. I only hoped that maybe that teacher was absent and we had an awesome substitute or something, but as usual, fate wasn’t kind to me. As soon as she entered the room, I could feel her glare trying to cut me down to size.

I didn’t care about the teacher or whatever she had to teach. I brought out those sketches I had made some time ago, and I started the same process of erasing and redesigning. Gear after gear, button after button, something was being put together on the piece of paper. Something that sort of resembled The Grinding Deep, but it also…wasn’t? For one thing, this thing had a large claw instead of a giant mouth, and somewhere there was a large needle involved. A needle like the one I used to silence that purple pegasus colt…but it had a bigger purpose…didn’t it? Putting the sketches away once I hit a dead end, I looked up to see the face of the teacher, her frown evident on her face. “Miss Dash.”

My eyes widened to pinpricks.

“AHHH! IT’S UGLY!” I shrieked and jumped back in surprise as I ended knocking over my desk, smacking the teacher in the process. “Ahh!” She cried before lifting herself back up. “Grr…go to the Principal’s Office! Go! I don’t want to even see your face right now!”
I blinked out of my stupor while the rest of the class kept laughing before giving a deep sigh. I didn’t even mean to tick her off this time… Without another word, I gathered my stuff into the bag and walked calmly out of the classroom, the door shutting behind me with a huge thud.

I didn’t notice the concerned yellow pegasus whose delicate teal eyes followed my direction.
Leaning against the wall in the hallway, I let out another deep sigh. Turns out these were becoming common. I wasn’t sure though: should I go back up to that one classroom and work on whatever it was my brain was working on, or maybe I should actually do what the teacher says and go to the Principal’s Office?

…I shook my head. Screw the stupid Principal’s Office; I had something much bigger to tackle. As I made my way to the stairs that hid in the shadows, I began to wonder if it was haunted, like those other fillies and colts said. What would happen if I made going here a regular thing? What would I even do up there? I started my flight up the stairs, and entered the shadows; my mind was already turning gears as I thought back to the sketches I was working on for what now was a space of three months. Three months since I started working at the Rainbow Factory as an apprentice Superior Supervisor.

…Three months since I gave up my innocence.

I slowly opened the door to the solitary classroom, the slight shifting of noise seemed comforting compared to the noisy atmosphere of the rowdy students just below. It was weird, I acted like I was really social in a group of others, and I attracted attention to myself going “hey, look at me, look at what I can do”…but to be honest, I kinda preferred the silence that solitary classroom gave me. It gave silence enough to leave me to my thoughts, and the whirring of a machine running through my head. The clanging of gears, the shifting of metal scrapping as it turned, turned, and turned in a complete rotation, I started putting pencil down to paper again. I couldn’t stop thinking about The Grinding Deep, and how much spectra could be gathered from it…it almost seemed…extremely flawed.

I hunched down on top of a desk, attaching the sketched out design to a clip on the chalk board in the front of the room, feeling...challenged. It was weird, but it almost felt like something was missing…the gears would keep turning with the wheel, the spectra would flow without interruption, but how would one collect the spectra? Was The Grinding Deep really getting as much spectra as it could?
I mean, how much spectra could you actually get using a vacuum of all things?

And what was with the needle I added to my own design? What would that even be used for? I frowned at the piece of paper like it was some annoying puzzle and lifted myself up into the air with my wings, noticing a piece of chalk that was resting at the front. Picking it up with my mouth, my body twisted in disgust as I held it between my teeth. It was gross! Who the hay would pick up chalk like this?!

…I did, apparently. I held it tightly as my eyes scanned the pages of designs I had sketched out of boredom. Something was coming together here. Something big and sinister…My Dad called me a monster, and told me to accept that, but did that really have to be the case? What if there was a way to change things, so that there’d be fewer victims? It wouldn’t’ve stopped me from becoming a monster, sure, but maybe it’d be easier to get a good night’s sleep at night. That’s what I started to believe, anyway. I began to sketch something on the chalkboard itself.
The large needle would be hooked just across from the giant claw. The giant claw would pick up the failure from the conveyer belt, and then through that, the spectra could be drained directly from the victim with the needle instead of vacuuming from the remains of one. That would raise spectra harvest levels, and there’d be fewer victims in the long run! Naturally, the body would have to be disposed of, but where? How? Should I have borrowed from The Grinding Deep? Would ponies be grinded up? Would there be a wheel involved to crush them? How would all of this be constructed, and with what materials?

The bell rang announcing the end of school. It was good timing, since I needed to ask Dad some questions concerning The Grinding Deep. Taking the time to sketch what was on the chalkboard, I quickly smeared the contents with my wing before shoving everything back into my bag. I had some questions that needed to be answered if I was actually gonna go through with this.

“…Pfft-W-What…!” My Dad sputtered and coughed as he took his drink away from the Superior Supervisor’s Office desk there in the Rainbow Factory. “…Why do you wanna know something like that…?!” To be honest, I wasn’t sure how Dad was gonna feel if he caught on to what I was planning. For my project, I had to face it alone, or another pony would end up taking responsibility for my actions.

“…Eh, I was just a little curious. It seems tightly put together, so I was kinda wondering who made The Grinding Deep in the first place.” I shrugged at my Dad. If I knew who made it, and around the time it was, I could get an idea on what materials were used to make it. Dad shook his head and sighed. “Well…I believe the original Grinding Deep was created under another name by Commander Hurricane, years ago. Since then, modifications have been made to the machine to ensure efficient production. The body of The Grinding Deep is pretty much stainless steel and metal, gears bolted into place and whatnot. If you’re really interested in how it’s constructed, I could let you take a better look. It’s not running right now because some of our staff is on break. That and…tomorrow I need to pull an all-nighter up in the Weather Office, so the Rainbow Factory’s gonna be closed to all staff members.”

I blinked. Tomorrow was a golden opportunity without supervision, if I could get a better look at how it was made today. “…So, takeout tomorrow?” Dad laughed as he put his drink down. “Sure, sure, we can have takeout. I’ll make sure to order something before I leave for work for you. Keep it in the fridge so it stays fresh, okay?”

I grinned. “Okay.” I slipped out of the office and towards the Main Control Center, where I had to slip my card key in order to get inside. Just as Dad said, the machine was dormant as the work floor was clear of workers and equipment. The conveyer belt was cleaned and sanitized of ponies. The wheel on the machine was cleaned, too. It was like nothing bad had ever happened here.

But something did. I threw that pegasus colt onto the conveyer belt, and now I was a monster. I had lost my innocence long ago, yet I still kept hope to reduce the amount of victims I killed. Taking flight, I started to examine the machine up close. I checked the placement of each gear and bolted screw, how rough the wheel felt against my hoof. I flew in circles around it as I got to know the machine better. I started checking what kind of fuel it ran on, how that fuel would affect pollution versus production levels…my mind was nowhere near that of a 7 year old.

But that didn’t matter. I was a budding scientist in disguise.

I got to know the machine both inside and out, my brain already trying to work out how to modify The Grinding Deep into my own design. No, not modify it…I planned to build something better, everything built from my own hooves. It wouldn’t be finished for a long time, but I wanted to create my own machine from scratch. Learning about The Grinding Deep was just a stepping stone.

I proceeded to start the project that would eventually take what was left of my innocence.

Sketching furiously, I frowned at the work that was in front of me. It makes sense now, but I was weirded out why I couldn’t produce quality work while sitting in front of a school desk. Maybe it was the lazy vibe that was school, or something. Or maybe it was that teacher who caused it. That’s the kind of thoughts I had while sitting frustrated in my desk. Here I was, trying to change a generations-passed tradition, and I had to sit through some dumb lecture. I rolled my eyes before stuffing my sketches back into my bag, resting my head on the crummy surface.

It was gonna be a long day…

For once, I didn’t get sent to the ‘Principal’s Office’, so there was no reason to go back up to the solitary classroom on the upper floor. The teacher announced lunch-time, as we were able to wander around and play a little, although all I really wanted to do was to keep on working on my machine. I had to find a suitable enough material to handle the energies it was gonna take, but I didn’t really want the same exact material The Grinding Deep used. I wanted this one to be special, unique, and I was willing to pour everything I had into it.

I didn’t notice somepony approaching me. “U-Um, Rainbow Dash…?” I heard a soft voice and quickly looked up, being greeted with a sudden “Eeep!” from the other pegasus. I gave a soft smile towards my friend. It really was good to see her alive and well. “…Hey, Fluttershy! It’s been a while!” I grinned, feeling surprisingly light-hearted. I had always thought there’d be awkwardness and pain involved, but all I felt was happiness and relief.

Fluttershy gave a small smile as she waved. “Um, hi…” She sat there in front of me for a while as she shifted from side to side uncomfortably. I blinked, than looked over to the empty spot right next to me for a second before looking back. “…Did you wanna sit, maybe chat a bit?” It seemed to be what she wanted, because the yellow pegasus didn’t hesitate as much as I thought she would.
Relaxing a bit more, Fluttershy gave a contented sigh as the wind in the clouds ran through her feathers and then through mine. It was comforting, and felt really good after being shut up in a darkened room for long periods of time.

Fluttershy seemed to notice this, actually. “…Um, your mane seems…calmer than it usually does, I mean…” She stuttered a bit. “Have you been practicing your flying as often as usual?” When I thought deeper about it, I started to realize that I wasn’t, mostly due to the fact that I’d been acting like a shut-in and was currently in the process of creating something devious and most likely deadly. I only flew in order to get to places, and I started to realize that wasn’t me. I was in love with the skies, so why would I avoid it by confiding in crazy machine experiments?

I felt like I had been knocked silly. “Uh, well…Yeah, my Dad’s been trying to get me to help him out at his work, so…I’ve been pretty busy in the evenings.” I chuckled outwardly, but inside I wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t a lie, per se…but I was still holding back from my fillyhood friend, and that felt weird. But, this was so she wouldn’t be involved, and so she wouldn’t get hurt. I had to face my problems on my own. “It’s a little stressful, so I’ve been kinda cranky in the mornings.” I yawned, the exhaustion from studying machines starting to tire me out. “So, that’s why I’ve had an attitude in class and all.”

Fluttershy blinked. “Oh, you’ve always had an attitude.” I didn’t expect her to be so blunt. “Oh, um, I’m so sorry if I offended you, Rainbow…!” I laughed hard at the situation, because it was true. I always had some sassy retort to shoot off at the authorities, and Fluttershy understood that. “Pfft, it’s okay, Flutters, no need to deny the truth, after all!” I continued laughing.

“…Flutters?” I blinked at the sound of her confused voice. It was the first time I had used any kind of nickname for her, surprisingly. I frowned towards her. “…What, you don’t like it?” I smiled inwardly as she shook her head. “Um, uh…no, it’s…It’s…nice, I’ve never had a nickname given to me by a friend before.” I saw her yellow rounded cheeks swell up with a red blush. “…It feels wonderful. Oh, um…can…I call you something, Rainbow?”

I shrugged. “Well, I don’t like to throw this one around because it sounds way too mushy, but…my Dad calls me ‘Dashie’ all the time.” I felt my own cheeks heat up at the thought of anypony other than my Dad calling me that. ‘Dashie’ just sounded too endearing.

“…Dashie.” It surprised me that it sounded just…so natural coming out of her mouth in that soft gentle voice. “I…I like it, if you’ll let me call you by it, Rainbow…” After that, she still asked me if she could use it. Typical Flutters… “…Sure, you can call me ‘Dashie’ if you really want to. Just…don’t go throwing it around the other students, and we’re cool! The last thing I need is for Billy Dumbbell of all ponies to catch wind of it.” We both laughed at that. Billy was just so lame.

She gave a small grin as she closed her eyes. “Okay, Dashie.” I blinked as a new wave of concern reshaped her face. “…Um, Dashie…don’t you think you’re working a little too hard for a 7 year old filly? Maybe you should talk to your Dad about taking it easy…?” Wait for it. “T-That is, if…if you want to, I…I don’t mean to impose.” She hid her face behind the comforts of her growing pink mane. That mane would eventually become long and beautiful, and from what I heard, she’d have to deal with the pressures of being a model. But none of those thoughts crossed my mind back then.

I didn’t wanna hurt her, but I couldn’t have her keep on worrying about me. I frowned at her words. “…I’m just fine, Flutters. Dad’s not overworking me. And besides, does age really matter? If I wanna help out at his work, then I brought it on myself. No need to keep worrying about it, just…I’ll probably be crankier in the mornings…” I swallowed a lump in my throat as my rose eyes met her soft teal ones. “…And I don’t want you to have to deal with that.” Hopefully she would get the message to leave me to my own devices, but this was Fluttershy I was talking to.

Fluttershy shook her head. “Oh, um, I don’t mind if…if you act a little cranky during class. But I don’t like it when…when you try to shut people out. We haven’t talked together like this since before the Flight Test.” Oh gosh, the Flight Test. I hoped as I tried to keep a straight face that she wouldn’t remember her time at the Rainbow Factory. “…I’ve…kind of felt…um…left out.” She whispered almost inaudibly. Pegasi naturally have really good hearing, so I was able to hear it. And I sighed.

“Fluttershy, I’m not trying to shut people out.” I groaned. “Dad’s just showing me how to do his work, that’s all. You know, up in the Weather Factory?” I hoped she’d stop pressing me soon before I lost my temper, and I never wanted to ever lash out on Fluttershy. She was an innocent, and I was anything but.

My filly-hood friend was stubborn to leave things be. “…Still…” She gave a deep sigh before shaking her head, her mane hiding her expression. “O-Okay…I’ll trust that you know what you’re doing, Dashie. I’m sorry for bothering you.” Before I could get another word in, she quickly turned around and went back inside the school building.

“Fluttershy, wait!” I held out a small hoof…until I slowly put it back down. What was I doing? I wanted her to distance herself from me, didn’t I? I couldn’t let her get involved in my own criminal deeds…and yet a more emotional part of me just wanted the company, anything to avoid the nightmarish things I would witness at night. I sank my sore body into the cushy clouds and rested my head for a while, but eventually the teacher was ready to call us all back in.

Lunchtime was over.

I gave a deep sigh as I sat in my desk, every now and then attempting to steal glances towards Fluttershy. Her body seemed to indicate she was doing fine…but…nope. Her shoulders were more slumped than usual, so I definitely upset her in some way. I dropped my own shoulders as I leaned backwards in my desk, casually in between the tipping point and complete stability.

…Maybe it was bad to think like this at 7 years old. Well, I was going to be 8 soon enough. Thinking about it, I realized that my birthday was coming up sometime pretty soon. I’d be 8 years old and still working in the Rainbow Factory under the rank Apprentice S.S. Part of me wondered just how long the apprentice process was going to take before the factory was fully in my charge.
But what Fluttershy said before had hit me: Did I really not wave ‘hi’ to her, hug her, or show any kind of affection towards her to show how much I cared about her ever since before the Flight Test? I never paid attention enough to give her a piece of my day in all the three months of my apprenticeship? If that was truly the case, I let out a deep sigh as another revelation hit me: I was being a pretty lousy friend trying to push Fluttershy away.

I didn’t even mean to avoid her…well, maybe I did. At first, I thought it’d be awkward to see her again, so I guess my mind kind of translated into my actions…and I actually DID start avoiding her. I took comfort in that solitary classroom way too much, I realized, and it was showing in my social levels. Somehow, I had to do something to make Fluttershy feel better.

…The Rainbow Factory was going to be closed that night, but I HAD planned to go back in, and study The Grinding Deep some more…for my project and all. But somehow, I lost the heart to dive myself into endless machinery all the time. I needed a friend…and Fluttershy needed me. Ignoring the designs in my bag, I reached for a slip of loose paper and started to scribble on it.

I’m sorry, Fluttershy! Wanna watch the butterflies after school today?
- Dashie

It seemed simple, but I hoped it would get the message across enough. Since Fluttershy loved the earth below so much, I figured she’d be happy to hang out with her butterfly friends a little. It sounded a little boring to me, but this was for Fluttershy, and I couldn’t let her down. Now the only issue was how to get it to her without the teacher noticing. I glanced up and silently groaned. She was facing the entire class, pointing at some dumb things on the chalkboard while not even half the class was listening. Teaching a bunch of pegasi fillies and colts without problems left and right was futile.

Wait. She turned around! There was no better chance. I wrapped up the note into a ball and launched it at Fluttershy’s head. Even now, I’m pretty confident about my aim. Once the piece of paper made impact with a soft short scrapping sound, I heard a tiny inaudible ‘eep’ before she started looking around for what hit her. I silently sent a request that she would find and slowly pick up the note that was on the floor by her desk.

…I couldn’t have been more wrong. Just next to Fluttershy, sat the stupid pegasus colt Billy Dumbbell, and he had to gall to pick up my note before Fluttershy could! My mouth dropped as he suddenly sat up after unfolding the note, clearing his throat for the full attention of the classroom. Surely he wasn’t going to---!

“Ahem, um…”I’m sorry, Fluttershy! Wanna watch the butterflies after school today?” This is kinda cute, huh?” His cronies were snickering as Fluttershy hid her shameful face in her mane while I started to hide my own behind the school book that I picked up from the top of my desk. “And look who it’s from! From…Dashie!” Oh, no he didn’t…My ears lowered as I honestly just wanted to be invisible at that moment. The idiot wouldn’t make things easier, though. “I wonder who that is…Hey, maybe it’s a misspelling for ‘Crashie’! I know who ‘Crashie’ is!” He laughed like an evil demon while the rest of the class joined in, except for Fluttershy who was looking back at me with a sympathetic pout.
‘Crashie’ was 20 percent more uncool than ‘Rainbow Crash’. I wouldn’t be able to live this one down. And that stupid teacher wasn’t even doing anything about it! She was laughing with the rest of them! I wouldn’t lose my temper, though…I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of upsetting me.

So why was I trying to HIDE behind a SCIENCE BOOK?

Author's Note

Someone showed more interest in this story, so here's another chapter. I haven't released all I've written because I'm still working out the whole direction I want the story to go. But thank you for your interest. ^^