Suicide Isn't the Answer...
Princess Luna was laying in her bed, tossing and turning as she tried to sleep. It was 2:00 PM, and she was to wake up in five hours to raise her Moon and assume her position as Princess of the Night. But, she was having trouble falling to sleep. Not because the Sun was shining right in her face, but because she was afraid to have another nightmare. But this time, it wasn't the Tantabus that was causing it.
No, these nightmares were from her own bad pasts. She had the same set of nightmares everyday, and would have uneasy nights. Her nightmares weren't just about Nightmare Moon either. They were even about things far more worse. Luna had a very bad feeling in the pit of her chest, thinking about the nightmares, and why she was having them.
Luna felt that she was a threat to Equestria, the world she co-created with her older sister. Though Nightmare Moon had freed her, and everyone was no longer fearful toward her, she feared herself. She feels that most of Equestria's problems were caused by her. Nightmare Moon, the Tantabus, and even the Crystal Empire, Discord, Wedding, and Tirek incidents, of which she was either unable, or not around to stop. Luna felt that it was her fault that Equestria had suffered so much.
And it wasn't just nightmares either. Luna, suffering from her thoughts, had trouble with several of her daily and personal activities. She couldn't eat, she couldn't sleep, she couldn't manage court, she couldn't even bathe in peace without her thoughts messing her. Her own thoughts haunted her, and she wished they would just stop.
After two unsuccessful hours of trying to fall asleep, Luna got out of bed and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She sat on the toilet and gave a small sigh, relieving her bladder. Though nothing could actually be heard but trickling water, Luna heard a lot more than that. Her thoughts repeated themselves like a busted record, playing over and over and over again.
With her bladder empty, Luna flushed and walked over to the sink. She washed her hooves and face, looking into the mirror afterwards. To Luna's surprise, she didn't see herself staring back. The mare she saw staring back at her had a black coat, with blue patterns. Plus, she had fangs, and her mane flowed irregularly. Luna's eyes widened in surprise. The mare staring back at her was Nightmare Moon, her evil alter ego.
"B-but... how...?", Luna stammered, "I'm not... her..."
"How could you say that, dear little Luna?", Nightmare Moon said, "You're me, and I'm you. It's been like that for an entire millennium".
"No!", Luna yelled, "I am not Nightmare Moon! Nightmare Moon was defeated! I am Princess Luna!"
"I was defeated?", Nightmare Moon said, "How can you prove that?"
"The Elements of Harmony defeated you!", Luna said, "It's the reason I am a loyal Princess now!" Nightmare Moon laughed.
"Do you really think a few pretty little gems is enough to defeat me?", she asked, "I may be just a memory now, but I am a forever memory".
"You are not!", Luna said, "I forgot about you once you were defeated!"
"Really?", Nightmare Moon said, "You're having a hard time doing it now. But, let's cut the crap. To make a long story short, if it weren't for me, you would be nothing".
"What are you saying?", Luna asked.
"I'm saying that I'm the reason everyone knows you", Nightmare Moon said, "Everything that's toward you is based on me. 'Mare in the Moon', The Elements of Harmony, even your own created holiday, Nightmare Night, is based on me".
"So what?!", Luna said, "Everypony knows I am the real Princess!"
"Is that so?", Nightmare Moon said, "Or do they know that you're the Princess who used to be Nightmare Moon? Don't you remember Nightmare Night? No one called you 'Princess Luna'. Did everyone not run away and scream 'It's Nightmare Moon!'?"
"Again, so what?!", Luna said, "They just had a hard time readjusting to me!" Nightmare Moon shook her head.
"Fine, think what you want", she said, "Just remember, I am a permanent part of you now. You seem to forget: I did not create myself. You created me out of jealousy. It isn't so easy forgetting someone you were for 1,000 years". Luna's eyes widened as Nightmare Moon continued.
"And who knows, 'Princess Luna'", she continued, "What if you cause another Equestria problem? You already caused me, and the Tantabus, and you couldn't stop that Changeling Royal from ruining your own daughter's wedding. What's next? The Return of Nightmare Moon? The Fourth Equestria Apocalypse? The Death of Celestia?" That last one frightened Luna to her core.
"You wouldn't kill my sister!", she said.
"Of course not", Nightmare Moon said, "But you would. Maybe out of anger? Maybe out of annoyance?"
"I would never harm my own sister!", Luna yelled.
"You wouldn't intentionally do it", Nightmare Moon said, "But you could do it without meaning to. Think about it: You didn't mean for yourself to be imprisoned in your own Moon for 1,000 years, and you didn't mean for the Tantabus to nearly bring endless nightmares to all the residents in Ponyville".
"No, stop!", Luna said.
"Equestria's problems will never stop until you are gone, Luna!", Nightmare Moon said, "Never will Equestria have eternal peace until your death arrives!" Nightmare Moon's evil laugh echoed on Luna's head over and over. She tried to cover her ears, but that didn't help anything.
"No! No! NO!"
Luna screamed and punched the mirror with her bare hoof, shattering it to pieces. Her hoof bled a bit, but she paid no attention. After the mirror shattered, the laugh could no longer be heard. She peeked into the mirror again, this time seeing herself. After washing her face again, she went back into her bedchamber and sat on the bed, trying to catch her breath and calm down.
While breathing steadily, Luna thought about what Nightmare Moon said. As much as she didn't want to believe it, she was right. Luna was responsible for most of Equestria's problems, and she could unintentionally cause more in the future, even the death of her own older sister. Luna was no longer the Luna she was born as. She was just a shadow of Nightmare Moon, and that's why everyone else knew her.
But then Luna thought about something else she said. If Equestria's problems were all caused by her, then would everyone be happy at Luna's death? Would they care? Would they just see it as the death of Nightmare Moon? These thoughts crept over and over in Luna's head, and she didn't know what to do.
Finally succumbing to her thoughts, Luna stood up and opened the window to her bedchamber. After that, she flew out the open window and flew thousands of feet into the air until it was a bone-chilling temperature. Fear and anxiety struck her as she looked down, not able to see the ground or any of Canterlot, but knew it was to save everyone else. Taking a deep breath, Luna stopped flapping her blue wings and allowed herself to free fall.
Once she did so, she could feel her body beginning to fall. The wind whipping past her face was exhilarating, if only her mind weren't filled with darkness. As she fell, she could see the castle come into view, and briefly thought about the time Celestia took care of all the duties when she was imprisoned on the moon. She knew Celestia could take care of everything without her, and would be glad she was finally gone. With this thought, she focused her gaze downward, seeing the city rapidly race up towards her. She could see the flat piece of concrete beneath her, the patio in the garden, where she had planned to target. Finally, before closing her eyes to await the end, she felt comfort. Comfort in knowing that Nightmare Moon would be gone, and that all of Equestria would no longer be harmed.
But, instead of feeling hard concrete and broken bones, she felt an abrupt stop, and herself ascending back into the air. She opened her eyes and saw that she was engulfed in a familiar golden aura that was bringing her back into her bedchamber. When she got back into the chamber, she saw her older sister Celestia standing in there, a very worried look on her face.
"Luna!", she said, hugging her sister, "You're OK! I thought I lost you!" Celestia then let go of Luna. "But... what happened? Why did you almost hit that concrete?" Luna looked to the floor.
"Because... I... I... I...", Luna stammered.
"You what?", Celestia asked. Tears came to Luna's eyes as she looked at the floor. She threw her front legs around Celestia's neck, crying into her coat. Celestia became concerned as her younger sister cried and carried her to the bed, sitting herself down and allowing Luna to sit in her lap.
"Luna... what's wrong?", she asked.
"I tried to take my own life!", Luna said, crying even harder. What Luna said surprised Celestia.
"Luna... you what?", she asked.
"I tried to kill myself!", Luna said, "I don't belong in Equestria!" Her words started to pierce Celestia's heart, but Celestia resisted to cry.
"Why would you think that, Luna?", she said, "You belong in this world like everypony else".
"No I don't!", Luna said, "All I've ever done to Equestria is nearly destroy it!"
"What do you mean?", Celestia asked.
"Every single Equestria problem is because of me!", Luna yelled, "Nightmare Moon enslaved you! The Tantabus tried to destroy everyone's dreams, and I couldn't stop Discord or Chrysalis or Sombra! I don't want to cause anymore! And... And...!" Luna began crying harder into Celestia's coat.
"And what?", Celestia asked.
"I was in the bathroom... and I saw Nightmare Moon in the mirror...", Luna said, "And she... she... she reminded me of the things I did that I didn't mean to happen. And I'm afraid... I'm afraid..."
"Afraid of what?", Celestia asked. Luna sniffled into a tissue.
"I'm afraid... I'll accidentally take your life...", she said. Celestia's eyes widened.
"Luna... you haven't done anything that has even come close to taking my life", she said, "Even when you were Nightmare Moon".
"But I meant to become Nightmare Moon", Luna said, "I didn't mean for myself to be imprisoned in my own Moon, and I didn't mean for the Tantabus to nearly destroy everyone's dreams. I fear that I'll end up doing something to harm Equestria again, and... you'll die".
"Luna...", Celestia said, her voice starting to break.
"That's why I want to kill myself before I end up killing you", Luna said, "You don't need me. You didn't need me for 1,000 years, and you don't need me now. Everypony only sees my as the mare who used to be Nightmare Moon. Nopony sees Princess Luna... and nopony would care if I killed myself". Celestia cuddled Luna a little tighter, a tear running down her cheek.
"Luna, listen to yourself...", she said, "You're saying you're nothing more than a scum..."
"I'm worse than scum, my sister", Luna said, "I am useless. Nothing more than a piece of trash..."
"Luna, stop it...", Celestia said, placing her hoof over Luna's mouth, starting to cry as well, "I do not... *sniffle* want to hear another word..." Celestia looked right into her younger sister's eyes.
"You think I don't need you?", she said, "Luna, I need you more than I need air. I didn't want to imprison you in the Moon, but I had to, to keep Equestria safe. Every night, I would miss you, wishing I could hold you again. And you think everypony else doesn't see the real you? You've turned millions of nightmares into dreams, especially young ponies, doing the complete opposite of what Nightmare Moon has".
"But I-", Luna said, before Celestia cut her off to finish.
"And you say you'll end up killing me unintentionally?", she continued, "Luna, you love me too much to even harm me, and as do I. You and I have had only one sister rivalry, and that was solved. And as for Discord and Chrysalis and Sombra, I too was unable to stop them. Chrysalis trapped me in a cocoon, and if it weren't for Cadence, I would have been dead. You and I, we rule Equestria together, and without you Luna..." Celestia began to cry a bit harder. "...I wouldn't know what to do with myself! You and I have been together for several millenniums, and to lose you now... I'd just lose myself!"
Celestia cried into her hooves, not caring how loud she was. She was so scared, not wanting to lose her younger sister. Luna however, began to cry for a different reason. Every one of Celestia's words pieced her heart. Her elder sister did care about her, and there was a very unlikely chance of her harming Celestia. Luna hugged Celestia a bit tighter and pat her back.
"Tia... is this true...?", she asked, "Do you... love me that much?"
"Yes!", Celestia said, "I love you more than cake and grooming combined! And to hear that you want to take your own life is frightening me!"
"Tia... please stop crying...", Luna said, "Seeing you cry grieves me..." For a few minutes, the sisters sat on Luna's bed, weeping tears like waterfalls. Then, Luna spoke again. "Tia, I won't take my own life. I realize that I have to much stored inside it to lose it". Celestia looked into her sister's eyes.
"Do you promise? Do you promise that you will not try and kill yourself?", she asked.
"Cross my heart, and hope to fly. Stick a cupcake in my eye", Luna said, using her hoof to mimic the movements of the signature Pinkie Promise. Celestia smiled through her tears.
"I love you... Luna", she said.
"I love you too... Tia", Luna said. After a few more minutes of cuddling, Luna spoke again.
"Tia, would you please help me get to sleep?", she asked, "I have to get up in a few hours".
"Of course I would", Celestia said. Luna smiled and got into bed, Celestia sitting next to her. "How would you like a pleasant sleep?" Luna blushed.
"Can you sing to me that lullaby I loved as a filly?", she asked, "Just like Mother used to...?" Celestia smiled.
"Of course", she said. Celestia rubbed Luna's stomach with her hoof as she sang the lullaby. Luna's eyes became heavy and before she knew it, she fell asleep, a half smile on her face.
~~~~~~~~~~
Luna woke up to see that she was in space, sitting on the top of her own Moon. Stars and planets were everywhere, and Luna wondered how she had gotten there, and why she was there. But, a very soothing voice caught her attention.
"Luna...", the voice said. Luna turned around to see a fiery-orange mare, much taller than herself, walking toward her. Her eyes widened in surprise, as she knew exactly who it was.
"M...Mother?", she asked.
"Yes", the mare said, "It is me, Queen Solaria. Or in other words, your mother". Luna quickly ran over to her mother and cuddled her. Solaria smiled and hugged her back. "I missed you too, sweetie". Luna looked up at her mother.
"B-but how...?", she asked, "Y-You're... fallen. Unless... I am..."
"Yes", Solaria said, "You're are sleeping. And I have decided to pull a page out of your book and visit your dream". Luna smiled. "Now, I'm sure you have questions, but I want to talk about something far more important".
"What?", Luna asked.
"What just happened of course", Solaria said, "I want to admire how you overcame your feelings. You fought the urge to commit suicide, and ignored that evil alter ego of yours".
"Well, only because Tia helped", Luna said.
"Tia kept you from killing yourself", Solaria said, "But you alone overcame your feelings. The only pony in charge of your feelings is you". Luna smiled. "And..." She knelt down and whispered into Luna's ear.
"Luna, you have always been my favorite foal", Solaria said, "Though your father spent more time with you, I have always secretly labeled you as my favorite". Luna hugged her mother again, smiling.
"You love Tia too, right?", she asked.
"Of course I do", Solaria said, "But this is your dream, between you and I. She doesn't have to know". Luna smiled again as her mother started to fade.
"Mother, what's wrong?", Luna asked.
"It seems I have to go now", she said, "I'm out of time".
"Do you really have to go?", Luna asked, "You and I, we can share this dream for the rest of eternity. I just don't want you to go again!"
"Luna, I won't be gone", Solaria said, "I'll always be with you. I may be gone from Equestria, but I am not gone from your heart. Plus, you still have Tia to look after you, and she will do what she has to make sure you're happy". Luna sniffled.
"OK... Mother...", she said. Solaria smiled and sang the lullaby to Luna as she slowly faded away.
"I love you, my beautiful daughter", she said. Luna stared at her mother as she disappeared.
"I love you too, Mother", she said.
~~~~~~~~~~
Luna's lips curled up into a smile as she slept. Never again did she have thoughts of suicide or nightmares about her evil alter ego. Her horrible nightmares were instead about her, her mother, and her sister, as one big, happy family.
