Boot to the Head: MLP Version

by Thermal Soul

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Spike, Comedy, Random, Prince Blueblood, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1834

With rumors Discord have been turned to stone by the Tree of Harmony and his apparent will found, Cosmos have been empowered to read it to the Mane Six and Blueblood.

With rumors Discord have been turned to stone by the Tree of Harmony and his apparent will found, Cosmos have been empowered to read it to the Mane Six, Spike, and Prince Blueblood. But what will they expect from the Master of Chaos.

Published 2015-12-08 20:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-08 20:30:02 UTC

Boot to the Head: MLP Version

With Cosmos sitting on the lead chair of the round table, the Mane Six, Spike, and Prince Blueblood (for some odd reason) took up the rest of the seats. As Cosmos prepares to read the will, Spike is trying to comfort Rarity as she was sniffling, most of the Mane Six looked crestfallen at the loss (especially Fluttershy who was about to break down crying herself), Rainbow Dash try to take her mind off it by drinking her favorite cider while Blueblood was tapping his front hoof impatiently.

"As the only male friend to Mr. Discord," Cosmos began, trying to keep a professional tone, "I've been empowered to read Mr. Discord's last will and testament."

"Well get on with it!" Rainbow shouted at him, "Apple cider season is about to start soon."

"Rainbow Dash!" Applejack hushed her.

"Oh poor dear Discord!" Rarity wailed overdramatically as Spike patted her back.

"There there Rarity." Spike said calmly.

Blueblood held up his head in a snooty fashion, "How predictably boring."

Fluttershy sniffled, "I never met a livelier soul like he was."

"If we are all seated," Cosmos said, levitating the will to his face, "I shall proceed with the reading."

"I knew it." Blueblood rudely commented.

"Hey wait a minute," Spike spoke up, "I was his friend too. How come I didn't get asked to read it?"

"Oh umm…" Cosmos look off to the side then cleared his throat, "I, Discord, being in sound, mind, and body-"

"Don't just ignore me!"

Rainbow Dash had trouble stifling her laughter.

"-do hereby divide up my considerable wishes as follows: to my overdramatic friend Rarity…"

Rarity still continues to bawling her eyes out while Spike tries to calm her down.

"Rarity, he talking about you."

Rarity slowly quiet down as she wipe some tears, "Oh."

"…who grubbed with Twilight's assistant Spike, grubbed for everything she could get from me, and then cried crocodile tears when I needed sympathy…"

"What…?" She gasped.

"…To Rarity I leave… a boot to the head."

"A what?!" she questioned, only to get face full of boot that came out of nowhere, "OW!"

"Rarity, are you okay?" Spike said while just about to freak out.

"And another boot to the wimpy dragon Spike."

"Wimpy?!" A second later, a boot was sent flying only to nail Spike on the head, "OW!"

Rainbow couldn't hold in her laughter as she begins to laugh at her friends's expense.

"Rainbow!" Twilight scolded while she glared at her friend.

"I'm-I'm-"Rainbow said while in her laughing fit.

"This is outrage! This is no way to treat a lady!" Rarity shouted angrily.

"Ah, but still you are one of my closest friends," Cosmos continued, "You have admired my luxury chariot and since I never needed it…"

"Well that's more like it," Rarity said as she straightens up.

"…I bequeath… a boot to the head."

"What?" another boot was sent flying towards Rarity, "OW!"

Rainbow was still laughing as Cosmos continued, "And one more for the wimp."

On cue, another boot got thrown at Spike's head, "OW!"

"Next to my hotheaded friend Rainbow…"

That quickly shut her laughter as dread quickly wash over her face, "Uh oh."

"To Miss Rainbow Dash who was the first to bail on me on my 'hour of need'…"

She pretended to check her invisible watch, "Oh look at the time. Gotta go!"

She flew out of her seat and tried to bolt for the door.

"…I leave my apple cider cellar and three crates of my finest Apple Family cider."

She stopped in midair so abruptly that you can literally hear tires screeching. She flew right back to her seat with a giddy grin on her face, "Really?"

"And a boot to the head."

Like the last few times, a boot hurled from nowhere flew straight at Rainbow's head. "Hey!"

"And another for Rarity and the wimp."

Two more boots got thrown at each other's heads.

"Ow!"

"Ahh!"

Twilight scanned the room for something off, "Where are all these boots coming from?"

Everypony cast suspicious stares towards Rarity. Rarity took notice this as she looked frantic. "They're not from the boutique I swear!"

"Next…" Cosmos gained a smile as he read, "to Celestia's snobby, self-centered, bratty nephew Prince Blueblood…"

"This is so predictable," Blueblood added in his usual tone.

"…I leave a boot to the head." Cosmos exclaimed with a smirk.

Always on cue, a boot got thrown right on Blueblood's face, also messing up his mane in the process.

"Oh! I knew it!"

"And one for Rarity and the wimp."

The two boots hit them so hard that both of them knocked out of their chairs and onto the floor.

"This takes care of the side obligations," he said as he referred to the will, "and now to Miss Fluttershy…"

Fluttershy was literally shaking in her chair as she hides her face behind her mane, "I-I don't want anything…"

"…who took care of me faithfully ever since my second visit to Ponyville. Who cared, made me laugh, brought me tea…"

She seems to gain a bit of confidence after hearing that, "Oh I didn't mind at all."

Cosmos seem to frown as he read the next part, "To dear Fluttershy I bequeath… a boot to the head."

A boot flew across the air and hit on the head, causing her to shriek and sink in her chair in fright.

"And one for Rarity and the wimp."

The boots even manage to get them under the table.

"Ah!"

"Ow!"

"And so to Fluttershy's bunny Angel, I leave my entire vast boot to the head."

Following suit, multiple thuds can be heard outside along with a Wilhelm scream which left a very satisfied smirk on Cosmos's face.

"And finally to Cosmos who had helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head, but for his tail to be caught on fire…" Cosmos gulped down a lump as he nervously continued, "…by spontaneous combustion!"

And like magic (pun intended), his tail was set ablaze as he squirmed helpless while everyone (expect Blueblood who took pleasure in watching) look on in surprise and shock.

Even while his tail was burning into cinders, he continued in one breath, "And-And I leave my entire estate of ten million bits to the ponies on the outskirts of Canterlot so they can afford to move somewhere decent!"

After he finished, his tail sudden extinguish itself leaving a burnt up mess in place of it and a burnt fur smell filled the room as Cosmos collapsed on the table.

A moment later, he's right back up as he shook his head for any stars and regained his composure.

Both Spike and Rarity got back to their seats.

"I-Is that it?" Spike asked nervously."

"That's it?!" Blueblood asked but more angrily.

"That is so not cool!" Rainbow shouted.

"There's one last thing for everypony," Cosmos simply said as he recovered.

"Cover yer heads everypony," Applejack warned as she covers her own head.

Twilight even cast a shield spell on everyone except for Blueblood and Cosmos.

"Hey!" Blueblood shouts as he knocks on Twilight's shield, "Let me in!"

"I leave everypony a lifetime supply of ice cream."

The shield was then lowered with everypony gazing at Cosmos with confused looks.

"Ice cream?" Spike looks to Rainbow.

"Ice cream?" Rainbow looks to Applejack.

"Ice cream, that's all?" Blueblood asked.

"That's all."

"Oohhh ice cream!" Pinkie pie jumped up in excited, "What favor is it? Is it strawberry chocolate vanilla butterscotch mint chip-"

Applejack firmly places her hoof on Pinkie's mouth, "What flavor is it?"

"Boot to the head!"

A shower of boots fell from the ceiling nailing everypony over the head as they all exclaimed in pain and fell out their seats.

When the shower's finally over everypony got up from the floor, all groaning and rubbing their heads in pain.

"And that concludes the reading of Discord's will," Cosmos concluded.

"Hold on a minute!" Blueblood shouted as he approaches Cosmos, "I was promised to get my very own castle in this will!"

"And where did you hear that?" Cosmos asked.

"Word gets around fast in Canterlot," Blueblood stated, "not like you would know."

"I think you heard wrong…" Cosmos bitterly muttered.

"What was that?!" Blueblood glared at him.

"Nothing!" Cosmos quickly covered up as he skims the will for anything he missed. Surprisingly, something did catch his eye.

"There appears to be something written on the bottom of the will," Cosmos said.

"What does it say?" Twilight asked.

"I'm not sure," Cosmos said as he pull a magnifying glass from a shelf nearby with his magic and used it to take a closer look. But when he did, he grits his teeth as he begins to sweat.

"Well, what does it say?" Blueblood asked impatiently.

Cosmos hesitated a moment until he finally said, "You've been trolled."

In a bright flash, Discord himself appears in all his glory on top of the table as confetti fell from the ceiling. "Surprise!"

Everypony looked on in disbelief, "WHAT?!"

"That's right my little ponies," Discord said with a wide grin, "Do you honestly believed I've been turned to stone again."

"Let me guess," Twilight said with a side glare, "This is another one of your 'friendship tests' right?"

"No I just want to mess with ya!" Discord began to laugh hysterically as he roll on his back as much to everypony's dismay, "You all are so gullible!"

"It's not funny Discord," Fluttershy glared at him.

"Yeah that was low, even for you!" Rainbow added.

Discord recovered a bit as he said, "Oh come now it's all good fun."

"Well, look what your 'good fun' did to my tail!" Cosmos said angrily while gesturing to his burnt tail.

But Discord merely shrugs it off, "Oh that will grow back in no time."

Finally done laughing, he got up and stretches, "Well I definitely had fun, so I'll be on my way."

But when he went to snap his lion paw, he notice a pair of glowing cuffs around his paw and eagle claw. "What's the big idea?"

Cosmos made his around the table to everypony else.

"Magic seal cuffs?" Twilight guessed with a smirk.

"Bingo," Cosmos said with his own smirk.

Discord gazed around to find everypony glaring at him, "I'm in trouble aren't I?"

"Big time!" Rainbow said with a sadistic look on her face.

Discord look franticly at Cosmos and Fluttershy, "You two aren't still mad at me, are you?"

Fluttershy didn't respond as look towards Cosmos.

"Well Cosmos, what do you say?" Twilight asked him.

In that moment, Cosmos look at his burnt tail, to Fluttershy, then back to Twilight with a somewhat evil grin, "Boot storm to the head."

"Wise choice," Twilight said with a grin of her own.

Everypony grabbed one or two boots with the exception of the unicorn levitating multiple boots with their magic and aimed at his head.

Discord gulped in fear, "Oh dear…"