The Lady and the Dogs of War

by BrightIdea

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure
Length: 2206

The Adventures of Lady and her fearsome fanged mercenary pack, The Dogs of War (Featruing Rover, Fido, Spot...Spike and Rarity)

What is it that you desire? Adventure? Treasure? Romance? Royalty? Pretty Ponies?

Look no further! Traveling the world over, the fearsome mistress of the mercenary company The Dogs of War arrives in Equestria to find her long lost brother and along the way pick up more 'recruits' for her band of soldiers-for-hire from the Halls of Canida to the Shores of Zebrica! Of course not everyone is along for the adventure willingly…

(First Draft. I just really had to get this idea out of my head before it burst! Back to Final Papers).

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2011-11-20 19:49:35 UTC

Act I: Part I - Ponyville

Act I: Part I-Ponyville

Looking outside any window in Ponyville anypony could rightfully wonder if perhaps the weather team had done too good of a job. This was more than likely true as it was Rainbow Dash’s shift tonight to handle the scheduled night time thunderstorm and that knowledge alone would have made any pony in Ponyville advance warning to head inside before Luna raised the moon. Not that Luna’s moon or her stars were visible tonight as the abyssal black storm clouds covered the entire of Ponyville in a veil of darkness and for all appearances the only things outside the comfort of its home were the lightning strikes and the howling wind. Speaking of the wind it roared through the streets of Ponyville bending tree limbs and tossing over anything that hadn’t been nailed into the ground, and filling the ears of the residents of Ponyville as it scratched at windows and passed under doorframes. Anypony though that thought the streets of Ponyville were deserted would have been mistaken, as tonight the call of the storm was answered by the call of others.

If somepony had been out that night then they would have noticed the appearance of a very large coach wagon being pulled by bounding and loping figures down the road to Ponyville. The occasional flash of lightning revealed not only the furred forms of the coach’s drivers but also the wagon itself was painted entirely midnight black, except for the crest of a snarling wolf’s head and crossed swords on a red and golden diamond painted on both of the coach’s doors. Passing house after house through Ponyville none of the residents noticed the passage of the midnight coach or its drivers and even if they heard it they would have thought it was just the noise of the sound of the night’s storm. If they had dared look outside and saw it they would have likewise dismissed it as being a figment of their darkest imagination and closed their curtains.

The new arrivals though had their own purpose in Ponyville and of course given the lack of traffic they quickly reached their destination: The Carousel Boutique. The shapes that pulled the coach came to a grinding and panting halt some falling to the ground while others scratched at their bruised feat or adjusted their collars and chains that attached them together. No sooner had the wagon come to a stop its doors were flung open with a kick of its occupant’s paw who stepped outside and took a moment to sniff the nighttime air so filled with the terror of little foals and the ozone of electrical discharge. A flash of lightning suddenly brightened up the darkened village, but only revealed two glowing eyes and a wide, fanged smile to the dark night.

“Oh darling, thank you again for the help. I just don’t know what I would have done without you!” the well mannered voice of Rarity rang out in the main room of the Carousel Boutique as the white manned unicorn circled her latest creation peering at every detail like a trained hunter for any mistake in the dress’s stitching or design.

“Anything for you…oh most beautiful and sweetest of marshmallows…”

“What was that, Spike?”

“Uh, I said, anytime for you…your…a friend and I like to be…helpful and…to make you…darsh gon mellow! Yea!” Spike chuckled nervously as he sped around the room cleaning up the leftover dress making materials from Rarity’s latest twenty dresses.

“Now Spike, just because you have been hanging around with Applejack and Applebloom lately doesn’t mean you should let your vocabulary become so…so…rustic.” Rarity chided as she used her magic to attach a diamond to the dress’s shoulders. “Though really Spike, I am so sorry about keeping you so late. I should have known better that Rainbow Dash would blow this storm out of the reasonable and common sensible proportion for a thunder storm.”

“The library is across the plaza it won’t be any problem to make a run for it. I’m not afraid of any little storm! Hah! Yow!” Spike yelped in pain as he pulled a pin from his back scales before puncturing the air upward with the bobby pin as if it was a sword and he was a hero. “By the way where do you want me to put all these pins?”

“Oh dear, I completely forgot you had so many. Let me see where Opal got to with my pin cushion and then-“ Rarity began to say but suddenly the door to the Carousel Boutique burst open not only letting in gusts of wind that sent fabric, ribbons, dresses, and more flying across the main room but also revealed a large figure in the doorframe that giggled as its bright, green eyes locked onto Rarity.

“Well-well. Not a nice sssstorm out tonight. Don’t you think sssso my little pony?” the figure’s voice hissed and giggled out as it stepped fully into the Carousel Boutique to reveal…an all too familiar looking diamond dog! Rarity and Spike’s memories immediately flashed to the leader of the diamond dogs that had kidnapped Rarity and before Rarity could reply it was Spike who leapt into action.

“En guard you foul dog you! For the safety and honor of lady Rarity, have at thee!” Spike shouted and charged with his fearsome bobby pin held in both hands pointed toward the diamond dog’s chest. “Yaaaaaaaaaargh!” Before Spike could get within his own short arm reach of the diamond dog, it reacted first reaching forward with its long arms to wrap around Spike! The valiant dragon squirmed and tried to break free of the diamond dog’s grip but the diamond dog’s strong muscles kept him pinned and slowly crushed as the grip squeezed tighter and tighter. ‘This…this is it for me…” Spike thought to himself as his vision faded in and out as the air was pushed out of his lungs ‘I-I’m sorry I couldn’t protect…protect your Rarity…my…my…lo-‘

“Sssssssssooooo cute! Whosssse a little cutie wootie? Yessss you are little puppy-wuppy Yessss-yessss!” the diamond dog giggled out, squeezing tighter once more before holding Spike out to eyes length where his cheeks were soon squeezed and stretched out painfully.

“What?” Rarity gasped dramatically behind Spike.

“Whaaaat?” Spike groaned through his stretched mouth.

“WHAT is going on here?” Twilight shouted from outside

“What now? Madame please let me in and I beg you put down Twilight’s young assistant at once!” another voice said from outside which was soon revealed to be Mayor Mare as both she and Twilight stepped into the Carousel Boutique behind the diamond dog.

“Awww, but he issss sssso adorable! I could not help myself.” The diamond dog cried out, its voice suddenly switching to a higher pitched whine as it barked out something none of the ponies or Spike could understand. “Tres mignon”.

With the diamond dog momentarily distracted Spike quickly wriggled free and bounced back to Rarity holding out his arms to protect her “Twilight! Quick use your magic and get rid of this guy before he tries and take Rarity and-“

“Guy? Whatsss thisss? I am a lady and I am Lady! Not ssssome dumb brute!” the diamond dog scowled and growled and it was then that Rarity and Spike began to notice a few previously overlooked details about this diamond dog. While looking very much like the ringleader of the diamond dogs that had ponynapped Rarity this one had…diamond studded earrings in its perky but fluffy ears…not only that but it had a more…feminine shape…and this diamond dog’s eye lashes were longer and its lips were covered in bright red…lipstick. This diamond dog was also much better dressed, blue and red embroider coat and tunic that reminded them of the nobles of Prance, and not only golden pantaloons but also on HER head sat a triangle shaped tricorne hat that reminded Spike of pirates. SHE was also slightly shorter than the leader of the diamond dogs that they had met before, her nails much sharper looking, and her mane or fur had curly ends here and there.

“What?” Spike dumbfounded asked again.

“THIS!” Mayor Mare interjected before anyone else could talk “This is Lady, the Marchioness de Riviere-du-Loup…the river of the wolf…” Mayor Mare gulped before continuing “She is here on Royal Invitation on behalf of the Dominion of Canida to talk to you both about the incident a few months ago…”

“Yessss-yessss” Lady barked out a wide grin splitting her grey furred face “Where issss little Rover? Where issss my little brother and hissss playmatessss”

Both Rarity and Spike were in total and absolute agreement. They preferred to be forced to look at Lady in the relative dark rather in the light of day where there were no shadows to obscure the…frightening appearance of the female diamond dog. Now that they were both rested and ready for the day they both could much better feel the lingering gaze of Lady behind them both as pony, dragon, and dog (in that order) traveled to where the first two had encountered the diamond dogs in the foothills surrounding Ponyville. Spike was disturbed by the constant ‘affection’ that Lady showered on him and Rarity though normally very keen to please nobility was taken aback by the Marchioness’s ‘rough’ attitude but also a nagging feeling of fear. The previous night Rarity and Spike had told their story of dealing with the diamond dogs and Lady’s brother, and the female diamond dog’s eyes had ‘glowed’ at Rarity when she told her about why Rover and his pack of dogs had ponynapped her in the first place.

Afterward the noble dog had declared that she was tired due to the long trip back from Canterlot with Mayor Mare and retired for the evening (that they would be staying at Mayor Mare’s house did not please Ponyville’s elected official at all). Rarity and Spike had grilled Twilight to find out about Lady and apparently from what she knew that Lady had been sent to Equestria to retrieve her younger brother the Marquis of the River of the Wolf who had run away from the family estate, but now was being called back because their father was on his deathbed. Now here the three of them were looking for her brother and his gang of diamond dog outlaws. Lady had declined to take her ‘guards’ with them saying she was sure she could make her brother see reason and left them to get their daily ‘walk’ by pulling her wagon around town. Rarity admitted that the similarity of both Lady and ‘Rover’ was remarkable but this whole situation seemed fishy to her…she would keep an eye on this supposed Lady…while staying as clean as possible.

“Here we are. This is the place where they first took Rarity and is the entrance to their whole underground mine-dungeon place!” Spike said gesturing to several large mounds of dirt where Spike, Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie had been pushed around by the diamond dogs as they burst through the dirt repeatedly to keep Spike and the ponies from following them underground.

“Hmmmm…” Lady growled under her breath as she padded over to the dirt mounts, looking one of them over before plunging her nose against the dirt and sniffing over its surface.

“Ugh…dogs” Rarity said under her breath and rolled her eyes. She barely had time to dodge the pile of dirt flung her way as Lady went to work with her large paws and long arms digging throught he dirt mound as she continued to sniff it over with her nose. “Watch where you are fling-aaah! Dirty! Flinging that dirt! Some of us just got our hooves done.”

“I thought you pretty poniessss loved mud bathssss? Hehehe” Lady giggled as she decapitated the dirt mound and kept on digging not paying attention as Rarity’s protests grew louder.

“Rarity!” Spike leapt in the way of a flying pile of dirt that was headed toward the fashionista but he landed a foot short of Rarity but thanks to Spike’s warning she turned her horn on the pile of dirt and flung it away with her unicorn magic.

“Thank you, Spike. I honestly have had enough of dogs for one day or even a lifetime! A lady can only take so much trouble from one upstart like her! Stand back Spike! I feel a whine coming on…” Rarity inhaled to use her powers of persuasion but Spike clamped down on her mouth before she could speak and whispered to her quietly. “No wait! Save your secret weapon for later just in case we have to escape from her and the other diamond dogs. She won’t know what hit her!”

“Why Spike how delightfully devious.” Rarity smiled at the dragon who began to blush beet red when a all too familiar voice filled the air.

“Pretty Pony! Puppy! Come quick before you are left behind” Lady called out from the much deeper hole in the ground.

“By Celestia if Mayor Mare had not assigned us to make sure ‘Lady’ completes her mission I would bury her in the dirty, filthy tunnel and be done with this!”