Pinkie Pie Goes to the Hospital
Pinkie Pie waited.
Pinkie Pie was a pink pony partial to pies. You may have guessed that if you're reading this.
They're not supposed to know- oops.
Quiet, you. Anyway-
That's so mean!
Geez, all I said was quiet.
I'll break stuff more if you're a meany-pants!
Uh, er, I'll, um, buy you cupcakes or something if you would please stop talking, then?
Yay!
Where was I? Oh, yes. She was currently sitting on one of those hospital bed things covered in paper.
She being Pinkie Pie.
And she was bored.
So, naturally, she thought.
Wow, it's so cool there are unicorns at this hospital! Now they can just do spells on me. Hope I don't need any shots though.... wonder where they'd stick that thing..
Her fluffy, hot pink tail swept across the bed-thingie as she thought.
What if I was a unicorn? It'd be so cool to do magic! Would I have to learn spells, or could I just do them? I'm happy with being an Earth pony, but hay, I wouldn't complain about some cake-baking spells.
Her mouth started to water as she mused on food. And what if she were to become a pegasus? Could she create rainbow cupcakes? She remembered tasting some rainbow in its liquid state that reminded her of fire (though she'd never tried actual flames) that was horribly spicy at first, but now she craved it. Rainbow cupcakes.
Hmm, rainbow-flavored cupcakes. I'll have to remember that one. She made a mental note of that idea, also thinking of asking Rainbow Dash for help. After all, what better than a rainbow to help with a rainbow?
Pinkie tapped her hoof on the weird paper-bed, the idea pretty much discarded.
"I'm bored."
So, she got up off of the bed made of paper and and looked around the room. She soon took notice of some jars sitting next to the sink in the room.
"Ooh, what are these??"
Hmm... cotton swabs, gauze, tongue depressors. Why are they called depressors? They should be called Anti-Depressants! Yeah, that makes them sound nicer!
The wide grin now engulfing her face slowly disappeared.
Wait... those are serious..
She left the jars containing anti-depressants and turned to look at the posters decorating the room One appeared to show the major bones of the pony body.
Huh. Radius, ulna, humerus.. why is it called that? Is it our funny bone? I bet it is! Silly bone!
She laughed and looked over to the next one.
Ugh, this one's weird. It almost looks like what Discord said we did last week! And this stallion reminds me of Angel on Fluttershy's leg. I'll have to ask her about that.
Pinkie vibrated a little and purred. It was the sort of purr you might expect to hear from a content cat: calm, low and quiet. This was very unusual, since Pinkie was about as quiet as a howler monkey. The sound reverberated off the walls, creating an overwhelming, almost musical tone.
Somehow it would still be pleasant to the ear as it ripped through one. This is probably some form of an oxymoron, but sometimes, when a Pinkie Pie is involved, the Pinkie Pie will cause the sort of thing that can only be described with one. The purr, in case you forgot.
That was my special Judder-Hum.
Your.. what?
Tell the story.
Fine.
Pinkie's mind started to wander. She thought of kittens, and cupcakes, and parties. Basically anything fun. Cotton candy and Applejack's hat and fluffy ponies. Yes. Her hoof tapped rhythmically as she thought. Thought of Gummy with teeth and purple dinosaurs that sing and trains.
She liked trains.
And she was getting restless.
Pinkie began to scour every inch of the white room for any sign of anything fun. She found nothing.
I can always locate levity!
What? Oh, Faust, I feel faint. Shut up for a while and I'll get donuts too.
Nothing? Good.
Alright, let's get this thing over with. Pinkie Pie realizes that there is no fun to be seen with mortal eyes. Therefore, she generated fun- are you sure- generated it inside of her "gaiety gland."
I don't even know.
She started to vibrate even more than the last time, her body shivering in some unknown way. The sjakes-
You that spelled wrong.
Who cares? Wait-
I care!
Fine then. And please, try not to speak. I have a migraine, and every last word that comes out of your big fat muzzle makes it worse.
..Really? No whines? No snide little remarks? Nothing?
Well, then.
The shakes took over her body as she violently shook. It looked like a seizure times 1,000, except her brain was working perfectly. A doctor walked into the room.
"Miss Pinkie Pie?" She took one look at Pinkie and did not wait for a response. "Based on the data we received from your basic testing, we can safely conclude that..." She paused, taking Pinkie's movements into account.
"...you're pregnant."
The universe imploded.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Great, I told your stupid story to the stupid bronies.
Now can you take me home?
I thought you were one?
One what?
One brownie! Mmm, brownies.. hey, have I ever told you about the time I found brownies on one of Fluttershy's rocks, but they tasted really weird, and then I saw this possum-
Ugh, just get me back to planet Earth. And never take me out of my house without permission ever again.
Uh... I'm not really sure how to. Ooh, I'm so sorry. 
Oh, now that's just great. We'll remain in nowhere with a hybrid foal on the way. Hey, what's that face-thing?
Uh, ape-thing...
I am a human, Homo sapiens, Anon, whatever, but I am not just an ape-thing.
I have to pee..
...Fuck you.
The universe imploded. Twice.
Author's Note
This was the result of me thinking. I have no regrets.
